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A day of silence; that’s all I wanted. Truly, even a couple hours of silence would be appreciated. If I closed my eyes and wished with all my might, it just might...never come true.
Mom came through the door carrying an armload of cardboard boxes. “Now these would be best for all those odds and ends, Suze.” She dropped the pile of boxes at the foot of the bed. I managed to hold back the groan of frustration brewing as I sat up to accept the box she held my way. “You only have two weeks before you move out and two closets and a dresser worth of stuff to pack, Susannah. Get on it. You don’t want to leave this for last minute.”
Yes. Yes, actually, that’s exactly what I wanted to do if it meant I could have just a few breaths to myself. The family was in an uproar over the changes. Dopey had been accepted to NoCal and Sleepy, in a fit of fiscal responsibility, had suggested they share an apartment on campus. Anything to get out from under the ‘rents roof. Not that I could point fingers. I was doing much the same thing, moving into an apartment with CeeCee in San Jose.
CeeCee had a two fold benefit as a roommate: she didn’t suck and she already knew about my extra-curricular activities. She and Gina were the only non-Mediators to know of my ghostly activities. CeeCee was the one I called lately whenever I needed to complain about the current state of affairs. And not just about the way my Mom and Andy were making excuses to have more family time. I complained mostly about the lack of time I spent with Jesse de Silva, my boyfriend and the eternal love of my life. Cheesy as hell, but also true. CeeCee had guessed as to Jesse’s....affliction....before his soul had been reunited with his body.
The excitement over Jesse being alive and corporeal had kept me sane for almost a year. Then I remembered how often I had been able to see him. How easy it had been to sit together in my room, even when all he did was read. It was now almost torture to realize we had to schedule time together- and that time was often heavily chaperoned as my parents were still a little iffy over the age difference. Who knew that our date nights would often take place at the public library with an illicit picnic and piles of books in front of us? It just wasn’t fair and I was not above whining to my friend about it. My Senior year I had been at my most anti-social, choosing to spend every moment I could with Jesse. Even if that meant I actually had to study. At least my grades reflected my new found hobby.
As my mom left me to pack, I sank down on the floor next to my bed and dialed CeeCee. Oh, the benefits of a cell phone! It went straight to voicemail and I scowled as her message played.
“You’ve reached CeeCee Webb. Please leave your message after the tone. Unless you name is Suze. In which case, I’ll just replay yesterday’s and assume it’s the same. If your situation isn’t changing, then change it.”
BEEP
“What does that even mean?” I questioned the empty line as I punched end call to hang up.
If my situation isn’t changing. I wasn’t a broken record. I wasn’t. I just needed a day off. Dopey’s door slammed down the hall and shortly after, the thump of horrible music started. I banged my head against my bed and stared up at the ceiling. The music got louder and Andy came stomping up the stairs. I shook my head in frustration as raised voices followed.
I stood up and grabbed my purse from the spindle by my door. Instead of going downstairs and risking being waylaid by any member of the family, I climbed out my window and jumped down onto the ground. Once safely in my car-- MY car that MY money had purchased, gas guzzling hunk of junk though it was-- I sighed with relief. I knew exactly where I needed to be.
~~
The drive to Jesse’s apartment took exactly 34 minutes, post rush hour traffic. At 8PM, most everyone had made it home and the roads were blissfully free moving. My mom called once while I was driving and I had tersely informed her that I would be out late. Obviously. It had been late before I left. I had then put the phone on silent and thrown it into the depths of my purse. I pulled into a guest spot and trudged my way up the stairs. When I knocked, I heard the television mute before footsteps led to the door.
Jesse opened the door with a half smile and a question. “Susannah, why are you-” My face must have given me away because almost immediately, he was taking my purse from my arm and pulling me gently inside. “What’s wrong, querida?” He ushered me over to the couch we had picked out together at the consignment shop. I sat down and was surprised to find myself almost immediately wrapped in a soft throw. When I looked up at Jesse, he just shrugged. “You seemed like you needed it?” I had to smile.
“I needed you. Dork.” I took his hand and pulled him down next to me, content to lean against him. His place was blissfully silent. The apartment complex was mostly senior citizens and Jesse definitely fit in. His hobbies included studying, reading, and watching the news. There were no noisy neighbors here. No music, no raised voices, no fights or demands or.... Just Jesse and the calming beat of his heart. The last of my tension melted away as we sat there together and I closed my eyes to soak it in.
Apparently, soaking it in meant falling asleep as the next time I was aware of my surroundings, I was laying down on the couch, my head in Jesse’s lap. His hands worked gently through my hair, the smooth strokes calming. The muted television news still played on. Spike, his cat- never my cat, always his- sat on the back of the couch glaring down at me, whiskers twitching. I took this all in before closing my eyes again. This was Heaven.
It was only then I realized Jesse was talking to someone on the phone in hushed tones.
“She seemed very frazzled. I think she just needed a quiet haven for the night.” He listened for a moment before murmuring his agreement. “Of course. Yes, sir. Yes, I will tell her when she wakes. Yes. Good night.” He ended the call and placed the cell phone back on the end table. This he replaced with a book. He read a few pages before he spoke again. “I am aware you are awake Susannah. You don’t have to pretend.”
“Sorry. I was just...enjoying the moment.” I stretched and wrapped an arm around his knees as though he were a pillow. “It’s just so nice to be here. Just here. Not doing anything not having to be anything.”
“You didn’t tell your family where you would be.” There was the judgement. I knew it would come. I had hoped it would be after we snuck in a quick make out, but....
“I know.” I felt miserable all over again. I sat up and searched the room for my bag. “I’ll call Mom and apologize.”
His hand on my arm stopped me from getting up. “There’s no need. I called Andy and let him know you were here and safe.” Jesse’s relationship with my stepfather was scary.
“I guess that means I have to go now.” I wasn’t crying. I was just tired from the nap. That was the only possible explanation for the water works. I stood up and tried to dry my eyes.
Jesse stood up as well, putting his book to the side. “No, querida. No, you can stay.” I turned and threw my arms around him, pressing a kiss to wherever my face happened to land. Which, of course, happened to be his ear. Smooth and sexy, that’s me. I tried to make up for it my nipping at his jaw, a move that typically brought out a sexy growl. However, I was surprised to be pushed away.
“There will be no hanky panky, Susannah. You are here because you needed a break, not to besmirch your honor. I will have no part in that. I assured Andy that we would not break his trust in that way.” As he spoke, I unbuttoned the silky shirt I wore and slipped it off, leaving a blue tank top in its place.
“We could maybe have a little hanky panky, I think.” Finally, I could use those wiles Father D had been so sure I flaunted. As I drew nearer to Jesse, his eyebrows rose higher but he stood his ground. Good. I wrapped my hands around his waist and hooked my fingers through his belt loops, tugging him closer. This move had shaken his resolve on more than one occasion and I was rewarded with a smirk before he closed the final distance between us.
His lips. I'm sure I could write poems about his lips. Just not while he was using them on me. My brain went fuzzy and all I knew was him. If nothing else, being corporeal had improved his kissing ten fold. I was such a lucky gal.
I had been maneuvering us closer to the couch, intending to move our make out sesh horizontal. Jesse had other plans. With a groan, he pulled away from me, pushing me arm's length away and keeping me there.
“Nombre de dios, Susannah. You tempt me so.” I nearly crowed in elation. Lost the battle, but I was winning the war. “Sit. Here.” He turned me and placed me back at the couch. I sat where he gestured and watched as he backed away, his eyes still glowing as he watched me. “I am going to study. You are going to watch whatever mindless show you wish.” I grinned and watched as he sat down at the table in the tiny eating area.
My mental celebration led me to ignore the remote and head over to my purse, hanging on the brass hat rack near the door. At the bottom- the very bottom, underneath my wallet, piles of hair ties, and my makeup bag- I fished out a book. The bright blue cover nearly managed to capture the way the sun glinted off the ocean. I took it back to the couch with me and cracked it open to somewhere near the middle, where I had left off the night before. The book droned on and on about the history of boating in Northern California but the author- one recently deceased Dr. Gravitz- had managed to throw in just enough about the beaches and the surrounding area to keep my attention. I had promised him that the last five copies of his book would sell so that he would cross on to his great reward.
Somehow, that fifth copy had found its way into my bag and something, a sense of duty perhaps, had led me to read the thing. Dr. Gravitz had already passed on, pleased I had managed to find two people to buy his book within an hour of his request. It wasn’t even as though he could see me reading it. Yet, here I was. I contented myself to imagine I was in some way bettering my character by learning about the history of the catamaran. Summer was the perfect time to pick up new experiences. Or something.
I had not read more than a few pages when I caught that heebie jeebie inducing feeling that someone was staring at me. I will admit to closing my eyes and pleading fervently that it not be a ghost in need of help. Just this once, just this freaking once, could I have the night off? When I looked up, I was relieved to find it was Jesse staring from across the room. The relief I felt coupled with the warmth of his gaze- really, that was a thing- made my heart flutter.
“What?” I asked, closing the book and setting it down beside me. “Am I distracting you?” I did actually try to let him study; medical school was expensive without failing out. Not that Jesse would ever fail; it was frustrating how quickly he learned.
Jesse just shook his head and stood up. “Have I told you lately that I love you?” he asked as he approached the couch.
“Jesse, there's no need to repeat the lyrics of horribly cheesy songs.” I laughed to cover the nerves. I definitely was not blushing. Nope.
“Susannah. Truly.” He knelt in front of me. “I’m not sure the words exist to tell you how very much.” He copied my best move, fingers hooked through my belt loop, thumbs brushing against the skin of my waist. Like I said, fast learner.
My left hand buried in his hair. It had grown longer now and I found it a pleasure to run my fingers through. I believe he enjoyed it as well, if the way he leaned into my touch said anything. My right hand took the chance to grope his bicep, all warm and muscly and convenient. He kissed my wrist, pinning my left hand against his face as he closed his eyes.
God, you make me so happy, I thought. Or I thought I had only thought it. Apparently my mouth had other plans as Jesse grinned up at me in response. “Shut up. I love you.” I was so damn smooth.
I leaned forward to press a kiss to his forehead and if it put him at eye level with my chest... Well, I knew what I was doing. He pressed closer and the sweet agony of being so damned close to him nearly killed me.
Then my stomach growled and I wanted to die. Seriously. Of all the things to happen. I knew the blush covered my entire body as I felt his shoulders begin to shake with mirth. He leaned back and stood up in one fluid move, capturing my hands in his and pulling me up as well.
“You are perfect, querida. Come,” I couldn’t help the undignified giggle that bubbled forth on the way to the kitchen. Our life was certainly interesting. In the kitchen, I sat on a tiny section of counter by the refrigerator as he pulled out a container of homemade soup. It turns out that when you’ve been around for one hundred and fifty years, you retain a frugal nature. Jesse managed to make $20 stretch for a month’s worth of meals. In California, one would assume this to be impossible. He made a pretty awesome veggie noodle soup and getting to share a meal with him... the novelty had not worn off yet.
I will admit to staring as he reheated the soup on the stove and fixed two bowls. I reached out to grab a bowl but he dodged out of my reach and continued over to the table. Jesse sat the bowls down and cleared away his study materials. He came back to the kitchen and grabbed two napkins- cloth, natch- and two spoons. Seeing my chance, I hopped down and poured two glasses of water. Take that Mr. I’m-Going-to-Fix-Everything.
The quick meal was not completely silent, but it was a calm affair. I wanted to freeze the moment in my head forever. Just a bubble of domesticity with Jesse to keep me sane over the next two weeks and beyond. I wanted to spend the rest of my life coming home to this, to him. How intense could you get, Simon? I must have shaken the thoughts from my head because Jesse looked at me with a quirked brow.
“Just thinking about how much I needed this.” I smiled.
“If you need me, you know I am here- though I wish you would call ahead next time. I understand packing your life away can be daunting. Do you need help?” Jesse offered.
“Less with the packing and more with keeping my family from trying to help. Even David has gotten clingy lately.” I loved them all, I did, but for the love of everything Prada, I was only moving 20 miles away.
“They love you and will miss you being in the house. Especially your mother. You cannot tell me you won’t miss them a bit as well.”
“Of course I will miss them- but Jesse, I’ll be an hour away at most. And that’s with the worst traffic ever.” I sounded whiney. I knew it and it made me feel something near shame on the feelings meter. To cover it up, I stood up and started gathering my dishes. Jesse seemed finished with his own soup, so as I passed by, I reached out to take his bowl as well. Again, he surprised me by catching my hand and pressing a quick kiss to my palm. That cheesy warmth spread through me again and I tried not to drop anything as I carried the two bowls and my glass into the kitchen.
As Jesse set up his books and notes again, I washed the dishes. Voluntarily. Even I was surprised by the burst of domesticity that had me sudsing up the bowls. Once rinsed, they went into a charming wire drying rack that Father Dom had gifted Jesse with when he first moved in. Practicality and shared values had bonded the two men together, it seemed.
I returned to the couch and the book, this time putting the television on a random channel at a low volume. I had craved silence, but it now seemed that a low hum in the background would make everything perfect. Time slipped by, the two of us together and doing our own thing.
After I stopped myself for the fourth time mid yawn, I walked over to grab my cell phone and check the time. It was just after 11 yet it felt like it was 4am. I needed to sleep but I did not want to leave. It was selfish, but I craved the feeling of having Jesse so near. I headed back to the couch and laid down across it. Jesse was still engrossed in writing his never ending notes. He kept an extra pen tucked behind his ear and it was exactly something David would have done. I wanted to take a picture of it to show CeeCee and Gina, but I was so comfortable there on the couch. Maybe in a minute, I would move.
~~
When I woke next, the lights were low. Jesse seemed to have just turned the television off as he was bending to put the remote back on the table. The sudden loss of the noise must have woken me. I tensed as he moved to pick me up. “Jesse.” My protest was gruff with sleep and I’ll admit not very convincing. It was a thrill to be carried.
“Hush, querida.” He was headed back to his bedroom and my breath caught in my throat. When he lay me down on the bed, I sat up as he backed away.
“Jesse,” His name was a plea for something I wasn’t even sure I knew how to voice.
“I promised. I will take the couch and you will get your rest. You need to sleep, Susannah.” He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous tic I found endearing. “I can see how tired you are.”
I held out my hand to him. “Please stay, Jesse. I swear I’ll be on my best behavior. No besmirching here. Just....sleep. Us, together and resting.” He looked from me back to the doorway and I knew his mind was running through the implications. “Please, Jesse.” I think it was the please that broke him. I saw the moment he decided to stay in the way his shoulders lost their tension.
He shook his head with a wry smile. “You have the power to talk me into a great many things, querida. Please refrain from using that power for evil.” I drew my finger in an “X” over my heart with a smile.
“Cross my heart.” I swung my feet over the bed and kicked off my shoes. I wondered how uncomfortable it would make him if I slipped my jeans off. The dilemma stymied me for longer than usual as I was still so tired. Jesse had no such compunctions and had shucked his shirt and pants almost immediately. Holy mother of men, he was a fine specimen in his boxer briefs. I managed to pull my gaze away before things got too awkward and pulled my own jeans off. Just sleep. No hanky panky, Suze. Sleep. I tried to coach myself down.
I lifted up the sheet and blanket and slid underneath them without looking back at Jesse. I knew I was blushing as my hormones told me the story of what could happen but I was determined to keep my word. I felt the mattress dip as he slipped in on the other side, so close and yet so far away. This would be the first time we had shared a bed together. Hell, it was the first time I had shared a bed at all. I was all confidence and bravado until faced with the real life truth that a nearly naked man- a nearly naked man that I loved with all of my being- was right behind me in bed. Tension filled in where relaxation had just begun to eke out space.
“I can take the couch.” His voice was low as it cut through my racing thoughts. I was in bed with Jesse, not some strange man. I was safe and loved and more importantly, I was cold.
I rolled to face him, schooling my features into something close to a scowl. “You will do no such thing Hector de Silva. You will stay here with me and you will keep me safe throughout the night. You’re on mediator duty, mister, and that’s final.” I couldn’t keep a straight face through the mock lecture and wound up ruining the effect with a shy smile.
“Yes, ma’am.” He, wisely, chose to agree. When he followed that up with a peck on my nose, embarrassed giggles had me rolling back to face the far wall. What’s with the giggles, Simon? Straighten up. I pulled the coverings up higher over my shoulder and snuggled down into them as I did at home.
I tried to relax. My eyes were heavy and closed on their own, but my brain would not stop cataloging the noises in the room. The hum of something electric. A creak from somewhere above us.
The mattress shifted and Jesse was pressed up against my back. “You’re thinking so loud, you are keeping me awake. Sleep, Susannah.” His arm wrapped around me and I felt the tension start to retreat again.
I could not wait to get used to this.