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The way Nagi wakes up isn’t gentle. It’s abrupt, like someone has torn the drowsiness out of his body. His eyes stay half-lidded as he tries to make sense of the room he’s in. He remembers that he fell asleep with Reo on the other side of the bed and reaches out for him. Rather than touching the warm surface of Reo’s back (he’s always exceptionally hot when he wakes up) his hand glides over the cool surface of the sheets Reo had thrown back when he got up.
Nagi rubs an eye and looks at the time, it’s nearly two in the afternoon. He sighs, of course, Reo isn’t there, unlike Nagi he has a life and needs to get up in the morning. Nagi rolls over, tugging the sheet back over his head to shield himself from the sunlight and reality of life. He’s an adult, he should get up, he can’t just roll around in bed lazily like he did as a teen. One of his legs moves to the edge of the bed, dangling and swaying like a swing. His foot grazes the soft carpet under the bed. The carpet Reo vacuumed. Nagi should really help around the house more.
That one leg is just about as much as Nagi can manage, his body feels like lead but his head feels light and empty. Nagi takes a deep breath and stares at the ceiling, he’s forgetting something. He can feel it. He hears something from downstairs, a melody that’s surely Reo’s music and the slightly different pitch of his voice along with it. Nagi feels bad for being annoyed by that, he’s done nothing but sit around the past few days. He has no right to get annoyed with Reo for enjoying himself in his own home.
Something else wafts up the stairs, a smell. Bacon. Now Nagi feels even worse, he’s upstairs pouting and lazing away while Reo is making a meal for him way past his normal breakfast time. Something in Nagi’s chest aches and the suffocating feeling creeps up into his throat and curls into a ball. He can’t even get up to make a meal for himself. Why is Reo with me anyway? His eyes start to sting with the thought, he wills the thought away. He repeats “Reo loves you and you love him” in his head like a mantra as loud as he can to scare off the other thoughts. It doesn’t work, the negativity stands strong and tears fall from Nagi’s eyes.
He wipes them away quickly, not sure what else to do besides get rid of them as fast as they come. What do people do when they cry? Nagi can feel the headache coming on already and it reminds him that he hasn’t drank water in days besides the times Reo has forced him. Just as he thinks of him, Reo yells his name. Alerting him that a plate is made for him in the kitchen. Nagi's mouth opens to respond but the lump in his throat feels like it’s melting his vocal cords, and even if he could get past that (which he cannot) the words are caught on his tongue regardless. The thought is there but the sounds are locked away. What a marvelous time to go nonverbal.
There’s silence from downstairs until Reo eventually yells “Nagi? You’re awake aren't you?” In that dreaded concerned tone that means Reo is about to worry himself to death. A moment passes and Nagi still can’t speak which causes Reo to run up the stairs at an alarming speed.
“Nagi?” He huffs as he swings the door open. Nagi peeks his head from the sheets, as much as he doesn’t want Reo to see him looking like such a mess he already has in the past and Reo has a sixth sense for everything Nagi needs. Nagi can tell from the way Reo’s gaze softens slightly that he looks worse than he had assumed.
Reo crouches next to him, not sitting on the bed but lowering himself to eye level to look Nagi in the eye.
“Good morning treasure,” Reo says gently, trying to smile. Nagi bites the inside of his cheek hard because Reo’s gentleness alone makes him want to burst into tears and then set himself on fire. “How are you doing?”
Nagi’s mouth opens, then closes, then opens and closes again. He feels like a fish out of water, flopping around and gasping, desperately in need of help from someone (Reo) to be put back in the water.
“Not good huh? Can I help? Are you hungry?”
The answer is yes but the thought of leaving the bed right now makes Nagi sick so he shakes his head, Reo pouts clearly concerned because Nagi skipped dinner the night before as well.
“Can you try? Please? I’ll bring you lemon tea too.”
Nagi goes through the motions of thinking about it even though he’s not, he’ll say yes to anything Reo says when he looks at him so prettily. Even if it means forcing food down his own throat. He nods and Reo smiles at him, hand hovering to pet Nagi’s hair before pausing. Even the slightest touch can and has set off a meltdown in the past when he was already overwhelmed and overstimulated. When he’s like this, it’s better to let Nagi initiate any and all touch.
Reo stands up and turns to leave and as soon as he’s not at eye level anymore Nagi realizes that he needs Reo to be around him as long as possible or he really will die. He needs his physical reassurance, he needs to see his pretty face and he needs the soft feeling of his hair. Especially that.
“Wait,” he manages to say, as broken and cracked as it sounds it’s better than the silence he’s been subjected to. Reo turns to him and raises a brow.
“What’s wrong, treasure?”
Nagi reaches out for him, pulling Reo onto the bed and immediately carding his fingers through his hair. It’s gotten longer he notices and he smells like lemon. The strands tickle as they pass through the web of his fingers and they’re wispy against his palm. Nagi mentally notes that he needs to write Chigiri a very lengthy thank you paragraph for changing Reo’s hair routine. Reo sighs, exasperated but fond and allows Nagi to mess with his hair. They’re like that for 20 minutes until Reo whispers into the crook of Nagi’s neck.
“Are you ready to eat yet, my love?”
Nagi tells him yes and they walk to the kitchen hand in hand. When he sits down at the stool in the kitchen Nagi feels better, still tired and foggy in a way that has nothing to do with his sleep but he’s slightly more willing to live and a little more motivated to do things. Reo sits next to him, scrolling through his phone mindlessly, looking up a few moments later to catch Nagi staring. Heat rises to his face, Nagi is rarely ever embarrassed but this is Reo. Reo smiles, bright and lovingly. Not the fake charming business smile, but the reassuring one that is reserved only for Nagi.
“Do you want something else to eat, treasure? I think we have a few more lemon pastries left if this isn’t to your taste.”
Nagi shakes his head, reaching out a hand to drag Reo’s stool closer to his own. He’ll get scolded for the marks it leaves later but right now he's only worried about having Reo as close as possible. He wants his touch, his warmth, and his scent, his skin is tingling and begging for it. Reo is a suppressant for all the negative things Nagi feels, he's the treatment to his problems. An antidepressant.
Reo seems content to press the side of his body into Nagi, feeding him while whispering very needed reassuring words into the air between them. Everything he was feeling before, the worthlessness, the exhaustion, the guilt of hogging Reo when he's deserving of so much more, it all withers away. Nagi actually manages to smile, it's subtle but Reo sees it. Immediately Reo’s lips are on his. Gentle, warm, patient, and loving.
They separate and immediately Reo is talking again, “You’re perfect treasure, I love you so much. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
Nagi pulls him back in for another kiss, desperate to feel Reo against him. He isn’t good with words and never will be. He can’t tell Reo how much he loves him but he can pull Reo into his lap and wrap his hands around his waist. He can refuse to let Reo go like he’s been doing for years. He can press his forehead against Reo’s, so close that he can feel the boy's lashes tickling his skin. He can keep begging Reo for more because he knows Reo loves to give. Nagi can murmur, “Thank you Reo.” Against his lips because at least those words are easy to say.
Reo smiles and hums, holding Nagi just as close. And just like that, Nagi feels fine. He could even say he feels great because he has Reo right here with him. Reo’s addictive and healing like a drug.