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After the fight at Moonrise Towers everything felt distant. She looked at her friends cheering, or crying, or talking, actively living their emotions, but she just felt numb.
They knew they simply needed time. For them being overwhelmed often resulted in not being able to feel anything for a while, emotions and thoughts barely making any sense, and yet, they learned to put on a mask and fake it, mirroring the state of mind of the people around them. Even after such a fight they were far from the end of it all, and they had much work to do. And so the day went by, conversation after conversation, talking about Ketheric and the other Chosens, about Thaniel and the dispelled Shadow Curse, about Baldur's Gate and how to proceed once arrived there.
Once they settled for the night, while Gale started cooking and Karlach and Shadowheart got out various wine bottles to celebrate the victory, she started drifting away. Everyone had something to do and stopped talking to her, so she just stopped talking in general, even stopped moving, sitting by the fire and staring at the flames.
"I have to admit, I'm quite pleased with our companions' tendency to wine and rowdy partying. I think dear Wyll is already inebriated." They flinched a little, surprised by Astarion's voice, noticing just then that he was sitting next to them, a glass of wine in hand.
Astarion noted their reaction and lack of response. "Hello darling. Is everything all right?"
They looked at him with wide eyes and nodded. He returned the look, studying her features and body language: her legs were crossed, her shoulders slightly leaning forward, hands on her lap, fingers rubbing against each other. Expression mostly blank, a touch of worry and tiredness in the eyes. He smiled: "Is it going to be a silent night?"
They looked away from him, gazing again at the fire. She thought for a few seconds, face a bit more relaxed, and nodded again.
During the time in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, especially after Astarion opened up about his past, the two of them began to learn more about how the other dealt with their own trauma. Oddly enough, their need for a certain kind of care helped him too, as he learned about the importance of transparent communication and how there can be intimacy without sex. They found a safe space in his company, and he wanted to keep that precious trust.
He sighed, faking disappointment: "I guess you won't be drinking with me then. A pity, you are quite funny when you're drunk". She huffed, the ghost of a smile on the corner of her lips. That was all the confirmation he needed to know they were actually fine, they would just need a bit of extra care for the night.
"Do you need me to take charge?" he asked, and they answered with a nod.
Suddenly Karlach appeared with a big, toothy smile, wrapping an arm around their neck: "Hey soldier! Some of us are already boozed up, when are you going to join in?" Habit took the best of them, and after clearing their throat they responded, with a timid smile: "I would actually like to ea-" Astarion interrupted: "I'm afraid they won't be joining our evening of debauchery." They looked at him a bit embarrassed, but thankful.
Their friends knew that sometimes she needed to stop talking and just relax in her ways, and they also knew that Astarion was helping her live those moments in the healthiest way possible. At first they were concerned, but she explained extensively that silence was her way to cope with too many thoughts and emotions, and that being forced to talk could actually be quite harmful. Even then, with all their acceptance, the habit of masking is a difficult one to eradicate, and everyone agreed to trust Astarion with looking after her.
So with that Karlach understood. "All right then, if you need anything just let me know, yeah? You know I'm always up for cuddles." They turned to look at her and smiled, nodding with confidence. They really liked Karlach, she always gave the best hugs.
After she left they unclenched their hands and put the closest to Astarion palm up on their knee. Touch being quite triggering for him they came up with ways to not impose their need for that kind of comfort, waiting for him to be the one to initiate or accept it. Astarion tapped her palm two times with his fingers, meaning he noticed but he's not ready yet, so she retracted her hand and got back to fidgeting. "Are you fine with staying here pet? I could get you something to eat and take you to our tent." They shook their head and tapped the ground with their index, indicating they wanted to stay there with their friends. "Well then, I'll go see if our wizard managed to actually cook some food, get a bit more wine for myself and then I’ll come back here to you." A couple of minutes later Astarion returned with a bowl in hand, and dinner proceeded with a relaxed atmosphere. They enjoyed the food so much that they started lightly dancing on their seat, smiles coming way easier than before. At some point they ended up on Karlach's lap, enjoying her warm hugs and chuckling at their friends' jokes, the majority of them being at the expense of Shadowheart and Wyll being the most drunk of the group. When everyone finished eating and the party started to get more chaotic, they got back to Astarion's side, looking tense. At that point the vampire got close enough for just her to hear: "Go to our tent and wear something comfortable. You can lay down and read something while you wait for me." She didn't look at him, but immediately got up and walked away from the fire. Astarion kept looking at her until she got inside their tent and closed the flaps, hiding behind them.
When Astarion got inside the tent he found them sitting cross-legged on the bedroll, rocking gently, a book in front of them. Hearing him getting inside the tent they set the book aside and looked up at him, almost expecting directions. The vampire sat in front of her, putting a plate with a slice of berry tart and a cup of tea between the two of them. “Thank goodness the druid doesn't indulge in substances as much as the others do, he was the only one sober enough to prepare you a mint tea, he said it’s your favourite? And I managed to steal some dessert for you before he could get his gluttonous paws on it.” She picked up the mug, enjoying the warmth on her hands, but something was off. He looked at them as they started to absentmindedly scratch their forearm, so he took the cup from their hands and put it aside, moved the plate so he could get closer to them and took their hands between his like they asked him to do if they ever started scratching themselves.
“All right, you know I have to ask this first: did I do something to upset you?” She shook her head in response.
“I see. It’s ‘just’ the weight of the day catching up then.” She nodded, as a tear started rolling on her face. Astarion quickly grabbed them by their shoulders, pulling them in a tight embrace as they began to shake, tears now falling uncontrollably, fingers grasping at the hem of his shirt. He petted her head, whispering sweet things with a soothing voice in her ear: “Here my love, you’re doing so good. I’ve got you. You’re doing so good.” As their outburst reached its end, they found themselves curled up on the bed roll, head on Astarion’s lap as he continued to caress their head. They looked up at him, only to be welcomed by a warm smile. “There you are. Is my pet back with me?” They nodded, as a little smile surfaced at the pet name. He gently wiped the residue of the tears from their eyes, then helped them sit up. “Up you go then. You need to eat your dessert, especially after all the energy you just consumed.”
While they finished eating the delicious berry tart and sipped the mint tea the vampire stood up to ready everything for the night, all while talking about this and that as his still silent lover avidly listened to anything he had to say.
After all preparations were done, the couple laid on the bed roll, a nice cover over them. She rolled on her side and put her head on Astarion’s chest, who was reading aloud while stroking her hair. Just a second before falling asleep they put a hand on the vampire’s face to stop his reading, earning them a very undignified sound: “Where the hells are your manners?” They just chuckled lightly, and then turned on the other side with a huff. Astarion kept complaining while putting the book aside and blowing out the candle he was using to read.
“Astarion?” He smiled, hearing their voice for the first time in hours. “Yes darling?”
“I love you.”
He got comfortable on his side of the bed roll, pulling them closer with an arm curled around them. “I love you too.”