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Denying himself was something Lance was a professional at. He first learned how to do so by growing up in a big family. Lance needed to be a good brother and he needed to be a good son. Sure, a house full of children was one that did not go a day without laughter, but it also did not go a day without struggle. Everyone had something they were going through, no matter how big or small. So every time Lance finds himself in between a rock and a hard place, he knew to suck it up and pretend to be okay. He had always gotten through the thick of it, he would make it out of it that time as well.
So when Lance found himself on the waiting list for the Galaxy Garrison academy, he kept it to himself. He told his parents that the letter had yet to come and prayed every night to whatever deity he could think of for the acceptance letter to arrive the day after. So Lance, by some stroke of luck, was shocked when he, having gone to take out the mail, finds a letter from the academy a month after being waitlisted. Lance could not help but feel anxiety as he ran to his room in order to open the letter by himself, he did not want to make a big scene just to find out he had been rejected. Lance’s eyes ran through the letter as fast as he could. He wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. He was ready to be rejected. To his surprise, however, he found himself with a letter of acceptance into the cargo pilot program at the Galaxy Garrison. It was not the program he had hoped for, but it was something. With no time to waste, Lance dashed down to his parents’ room and told them the good news. That night, Lance could not help but find that the food had tasted better than it ever had.
However, despite the victory of being accepted into the academy, Lance felt an ugly feeling deep down in his chest. He just barely made it into the program, how would he fair when he was actually in it itself? The weight of the academy expenses also burdened his shoulders— his family could pay for the program, however it would take a little shifting around of expenses to do so. Lance could not help but feel guilty, how could he even think of encumbering his parents with the fees for his education? So Lance decides to dedicate himself to his studies, he would make his parents proud by making the most of his education during his time at the Galaxy Garrison.
But things never go as planned. Lance finds himself barely passing his classes— he has to stay up into the late hours of the night to study in order to just make it enough to stay afloat in his classes. Lance, of course, keeps this to himself when his parents call him every week. He did not want them to add another thing to worry about onto his parents’ plate. It was enough that their son had moved far away from their home in order to learn how to be a pilot, Lance could only imagine how much worse it would be if they knew he was passing by the skin of his teeth.
So when Lance found himself miles away from home in a mechanical lion, he kept it to himself how worried he was about how his family would take it when the news arrived that their son was missing. So Lance wore a smile on his face, put on a confident demeanor, and piloted the blue spaceship to the best that he could in front of the others. He even made light of their situation by pulling a little prank on them amid their adventure into space.
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When Lance saw Keith at the crash site, he could not help but feel a twinge of fear in his chest. He could recognize that mullet anywhere, it was the one which got him into the fighter pilot class by flunking out. Lance could not help the ugly feeling he felt— he did not want to be one-upped by the guy again by freeing his hero, Shiro, first. Lance ran as fast as he could down from the rooftop toward where Keith was.
So when Lance found himself in outer space stuck with his rival, he did not really take that news well. In fact, most days he would butt heads with Keith to hide the fact that he felt insecure when he was around him. Not a single day did Keith not cross Lance’s mind. Lance could not rest easy knowing Keith was so much better than him.
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But, whenever Lance found himself in a bad situation, Keith was there— Keith who he had always picked a fight with over the smallest of things. Despite everything Lance had done, Keith kept sticking his neck out for Lance. Maybe, Lance found himself thinking, Keith was not so bad.
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And it continues like that. Lance found himself opening up his heart to Keith little by little. He did not know when it began; maybe, he thought, it was during their bonding moment.
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But, alas, Lance found himself once more putting on a brave front whenever things went wrong. Somehow, he always found himself at mercy of everyone’s disappointment. They do not outright say it but Lance could read their thoughts easily. He knows what the rest of the crew find themselves thinking.
Lance, you should have done this. Lance, we did not need you to do that. Lance, you always do everything wrong.
Surprisingly, however, Keith was never part of this. Sure he pointed out a few mistakes Lance had made during their battles, but he never went further and made Lance an emotional punching bag. Lance finds himself free of the shackles of the high expectations everyone else had of him.
His heart slowly but surely started to show his true self to Keith. He did not mean to, originally, but being around Keith was like taking in a breath of fresh air. Their conversations were never boring. In fact, their conversations could go on and on if they did not have other things to do.
Lance finds himself laughing, truly laughing, whenever he and Keith talk with each other. He found that somehow the world did weigh as heavy as it usually did on his shoulders when he spent time with Keith. It was as if Keith could see the burden Lance carried everywhere and was able to lift a little bit of it off his weary heart.
And, somehow, Lance found himself anticipating his encounters with Keith. His heart had softened and forgotten just how afraid he was that Keith would take everything he had worked so hard to earn. Instead, his heart felt as if it would jump out of his chest. Lance could not explain that feeling.
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As the months passed and Keith and Lance spent more time together, Lance learned a lot about Keith. Despite his aloof personality, Keith was a softie deep down. He was like a diamond in the rough, just a little love and care would make him into one of the most precious things in the world.
And then, suddenly, reality hit Lance like a truck. That tingly feeling in his chest? Yeah, that was love. Or at least, that was the beginning of love which ebbed at the edges of his heart. But, Lance thinks to himself, that he could never see this love to fruition. He knows Keith would never be interested in him— he was pretty sure Keith was just kind and genuine, that Keith cared for all of them equally.
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So when Lance found himself secretly crying in his room after a hard mission, he did not expect to hear a knock on his door. After quickly wiping his tears away, he opened the door to Keith, with a plate in his hand of Lance’s favorite food. Lance could not help but be surprised, he had felt like everyone was mad at him and needed to cool off for the time being. Lance knew that no one really cared to think about his experience because they knew he was someone who always kept his cool and could always bounce back from anything. Maybe Keith felt bad for him, that was why he was at Lance’s door. Maybe he felt something was off and wanted to make sure that the peace would not be interrupted by Lance’s sulking. Okay, no, Lance knew he was just making excuses at that point.
Lance could only kid himself so much— Keith saw right through him. No one had ever seen through his façade; not a single person saw through his strong front. After years of denying himself in order to please others, Lance could not help but feel good to be known so well. He could not hide from Keith like he had always hidden from himself.
Without a word, Lance and Keith stared at each other, recognizing the truth— Keith knew who Lance truly was. Lance could not stop the tears that welled up around his eyes and eventually started to fall at that point.
In the dark and lonely outer space, Keith could not help but become Lance’s sun.