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Although the sudden death of Wen Ruohan and much of his close family had removed much of the urgency behind the engagement, it was eventually decided to proceed with the marriage plans. Wen Ning didn’t seem like much of a threat, but his sister was widely regarded as dangerous, and it was assumed she was now the real ruler of the Wen sect, with or without the title to go with it.
Nie Huaisang told himself he did not care either way. He was lucky his brother and sect leader Lan had organised this match for him, as everyone regularly told him. And Lan Xichen was an objectively handsome boy, intelligent too, well-read, with a kind disposition, an excellent cultivation, martial art skills beyond compare… which was actually the problem.
Lan Xichen was everything, and Nie Huaisang was just Nie Huaisang.
Some fools might have said it probably wasn't the worst thing to get into an arranged marriage with a crush on one's soon-to-be husband. Wasn’t it a perfectly normal thing, when the future husband in question was Lan Xichen, who anyone with a brain ought to have a crush on? And yet, Nie Huaisang knew better. Unlike most idiots, he understood how humiliating it was to have such a crush, when he knew his feelings would never be reciprocated. After all, during his three years as a student in Gusu, Lan Xichen had never shown him any particular interest in spite of their engagement, merely treating him as his friend's brother, politely turning down all of Nie Huaisang's efforts to spend time together while also encouraging him to study more.
There could be no doubt that for Lan Xichen, the wedding would be a purely political one. At this point, Nie Huaisang’s only hope for a non miserable future was to discover Lan Xichen was actually very unpleasant in private, that he made noise when he ate, that he snored, that his socks stinked. Then Nie Huaisang’s crush would evaporate, and he would be free to live his life without the unbearable agony of unrequited love toward the person sharing his life.
-
In a regrettable turn of events, Lan Xichen was delightful to live with.
For the most part, he acted in the little house they were given much the same way he did in public. He was kind and attentive, always looking for peaceful solutions when Nie Huaisang's bad habits caused friction between them, and handling with grace their forced cohabitation. Although he was busy as a sect heir, he made time every day to exchange a few words with his new husband, and pretended to take interest in the vapid ways Nie Huaisang filled his days. He even once or twice made time to paint together and complimented Nie Huaisang’s skill, as if it wasn’t obvious at first glance which one of them consistently produced the better pieces.
All this was bad enough.
But then, there were all the little details about Lan Xichen that were different in private.
The frequency with which he stumbled or walked into doorways when he was just waking up, or tired after a long day, only to then curse under his breath with surprising skill for someone raised in the Lan sect.
The way he wrinkled his nose whenever their meal contained mushrooms, which he apparently hated although he controlled himself in public. Nie Huaisang found it cute at first, before having a talk with the kitchens regarding meal ingredients once he realised the true degree of his husband's disgust. Lan Xichen never commented on it, but there was no matching his sincere joy every time he realised their meal once again didn’t contain a single mushroom.
Or how embarrassed he got when summer hit them and Nie Huaisang, hating the heat, longed around their house nearly naked. It was what everyone did back in the Unclean Realm, and while Nie Huaisang usually aimed for more refinement than the brutes of his birth sect, he thought they had it right on that topic. Sometimes, removing a few layers was necessary. The fact that it made Lan Xichen blush redder than cherries was only a very amusing bonus. And it made sense, of course. No matter how unattractive Lan Xichen found his husband, he was unused to the sight of naked flesh. Sometimes he would come into Nie huaisang’s bedroom to find him longing there with nothing but light trousers on and he’d freeze in place, mouth agape, cheeks aflame, staring a long while as if he’d never seen anything so shocking. Then, more often than not, he’d turn around and rush away, never getting around to saying whatever it was he’d come there to discuss in the first place.
And they did discuss things, which was perhaps the most extraordinary part of being around Lan Xichen in private.
Nie Huaisang had largely assumed that his role as a sect leader’s spouse would be limited to smiling at guests and dressing appropriately at events. It was how his brother had presented things to him, and Lan Qiren had made it clear he didn’t think anything more could be expected of the worst student he’d ever had.
And yet Lan Xichen liked to talk to him about things. Most often Nie Huaisang could only listen and nod, as he really didn’t understand the least thing about cultivation and teaching and most of Lan Xichen’s daily duties as a sect heir, having always avoided such responsibilities himself. It didn’t seem to him that Lan Xichen particularly needed advice or opinion anyway, but rather that he enjoyed someone he could rant to without having rules about forgiveness and diligence quoted at him if he was anything less than perfect.
Nie Huaisang would have been content with this role as an unjudging listener, this unique chance to see an unpolished side to Lan Xichen which the rest of the world would never know existed. But sometimes, Lan Xichen also spoke to him in a manner that did require a response.
Most often, the only answer Nie Huaisang had to offer was ‘I don’t know’, because he had no real opinion on anything except fashion and calligraphy. Back home, or even during his student days, that ‘I don’t know’ had been enough to make anyone give up on him, which was usually what he wanted. But Lan Xichen, for reasons known only to himself, was rarely satisfied with that. If Nie Huaisang couldn’t answer on a topic where Lan Xichen deemed an opinion necessary, he would carefully explain the situation, give as many details as he could, and patiently wait as Nie Huaisang mumbled his way through the half dozen contradictory thoughts he had on the matter. Lan Xichen would then handpick the couple of ideas he found more interesting, and encourage Nie Huaisang to develop them.
It was nice to be treated with so much patience. More than nice, in fact.
Nie Huaisang half wished Lan Xichen had been as irritated with his indecisiveness as everyone else, instead of making his crush bloom into something Nie Huaisang could very decisively call love.
-
About half a year after their marriage, Nie Huaisang thought they had fallen into a comfortable routine. He quite enjoyed being the spoiled spouse of the future sect leader, and so far that position had not brought any unpleasant duties.
This changed when the Wen sect, having apparently smoothed the last wrinkles created by the sudden demise of much of its higher disciples, announced they wished to host a cultivation conference. The Lan sect was invited, naturally, and Lan Xichen would for the first time represent his father. He was, naturally, expected to bring along his spouse, as all the other sect leaders were sure to do.
It seemed perfectly logical to Nie Huaisang, but it ended up being one of those topics about which Lan Xichen ranted at length once his father’s decision was announced to him.
Nie Huaisang was having tea inside their house when the rant started. Since he didn’t expect any contribution on his part was required, he went on drinking his tea, enjoying the sight of Lan Xichen pacing in front of him as he explained everything he disapproved about this situation.
“And what do you think?” Lan Xichen asked, suddenly stopping to look down at his husband. “Do you find it wise to go?”
Nie Huaisang put down his now empty glass on the table, and took a moment to consider things. Lan Xichen did not press him to answer faster, instead sitting down across from him to patiently await his opinion.
“It’s stupid to go, it’d be more stupid not to go,” Nie Huaisang said at last. “They’re still the most powerful sect out there, even after this mess. We just… need to be careful. Although I think you’ll be fine, since you’ll probably not eat any mushrooms.”
Lan Xichen grimaced, but did not scold Nie Huaisang for that joke.
“Do you think Wen Qing really…” Lan Xichen started. “No, I shouldn’t gossip.”
“Is it gossip when everyone knows for a fact they died eating poisonous mushroom? That’s just a fact, gege. Nobody can blame you for stating facts. Besides, you’re allowed to gossip with me. I’m pretty sure there’s a rule about gossiping with one’s spouse. If not, there ought to be.”
“There are rules on the topic, and they’re not in favour of your argument,” Lan Xichen replied with a smile. “It is a fact they died poisoned, it is gossip to speculate whether it wasn’t an accident as the Wen sect officially announced. I really do wonder, though… I’ve heard Wen Ning was often mistreated by his cousins, and it’s a well known fact Wen Qing is… protective.”
Again, Nie Huaisang took a moment to consider this, weighing in every possible opinion on the topic before finally answering.
“If she did, I don’t blame her,” he decided. “Anyway, it’s traditional for the Wens, isn’t it? Da-ge says Wen Ruohan once killed his own brother for a chance to rule.”
“Gossip again.”
“History!” Nie Huaisang protested. “Or do you call Da-ge a liar?”
“I call him unconcerned with checking details when he hates a person,” Lan Xichen retorted, smiling again. “But I suppose Wen Ning is easier to deal with than his uncle. He’s reverted some of Wen Ruohan’s least friendly decisions, and even allowed the secession of some sects that had been forced to integrate Qishan Wen. But it could be just a ploy to make us less suspicious. If his sister and him have killed relatives on the scale we’re talking about, would they really baulk at killing a large number of sect leaders to establish their sect’s dominance?”
Nie Huaisang shivered. He’d thought all the political problems were over now that Wen Ruohan was dead, but apparently the world wasn’t so simple.
“At least we’d die in good company,” he tried to joke. “And it’ll be fun to go out a little, I’ve hardly left the Cloud Recesses since getting married, except to go shopping in town.”
Instead of the indulgent smile Nie Huaisang hoped to elicit, that comment was met by a severe look. It was not an expression that suited Lan Xichen; it made him look too much like his uncle.
“You know that you are no prisoner, don’t you?” Lan Xichen asked, oddly serious. “You’re free to leave and visit whoever you like, whenever you like, as long as you’re here for important occasions. If you miss home…”
“If I went home, Da-ge would scold me for not touching my sabre since the wedding,” Nie Huaisang said, surprised that Lan Xichen was upset about this more than about the idea of being murdered together.
“True enough,” Lan Xichen replied, trying to smile, failing to do so. “And I’d get scolded too for indulging you. But you might want to see your friends, then. You were… close to Jiang Cheng when you were students, weren’t you? I remember the two of you were always together, especially once Wei Wuxian left.”
It was surprising that Lan Xichen had noticed that. Nie Huaisang hadn’t thought his then-fiancé had paid much attention to what he did, or who he spent his time with. It pleased him more than it should have to know he’d been worth any notice.
“It was only because there was nobody else that made for good company,” Nie Huaisang explained. “We’d both rather have been with Wei Wuxian than with each other. Don’t tell him I said that, but Jiang Cheng is just as studious and boring as your brother, and neither of them are my idea of someone to have fun with.”
“I see,” Lan Xichen coldly remarked. “So it was Wei Wuxian… Well, if you wanted to see him… If there is any special closeness between the two of you… this is only an arranged marriage, you can do as you please, as long as there is no scandal. I have no right to demand more than that.”
“ Oh ,” Nie Huaisang said, suddenly realising where the conversation had drifted. He wished they could have continued talking about Wen Qing murdering her uncle, her cousins, and a bunch of other people. It was a less unpleasant topic than having to discuss the rules of their marriage. In fact, right then, Nie Huaisang would have gladly eaten any mushrooms Wen Qing might bring him, rather than talk at all.
“Well. No, there won’t be scandals, don’t worry,” Nie Huaisang mumbled, his cheeks heating up at the unavoidable shame of being in love with his own husband. “Certainly not with Wei Wuxian of all people!” he added, more confidently. “Pah, someone could kiss him and he’d still think they’re just being friendly! Good luck to anyone falling in love with him, I’d never have the patience to put up with him! But… not anyone else either, really. You have no competition, gege.”
Lan Xichen chuckled, his shoulders a little less tense, as if maybe it had upset him to think Nie Huaisang might like someone else. It would not be unpleasant, if Lan Xichen could be a little jealous, Nie Huaisang thought, at least just enough to make him feel like someone his husband would want to keep if others approached him.
“But if I’m free, then it’s only fair you should be as well,” Nie Huaisang realised, the idea sending him in agony.
He’d never noticed Lan Xichen paying special attention to anyone. In fact, his husband only had one close friend, Nie Huaisang’s own brother, and there didn’t seem to be anything other than friendship between them. But maybe there was someone else, someone Nie Huaisang didn’t know… Lan Xichen would have needed to be careful, if he liked someone. With their engagement in the way, any romance would have been kept secret.
If such a person existed, Nie Huaisang hated them. It was one thing to be hopelessly in love with Lan Xichen when his husband didn’t love him. It was quite another to love while Lan Xichen loved another person.
“If there’s someone special to you…Well, you’re the husband in this,” Nie Huaisang grumbled. “You can do as you please, anyway. You don’t need my permission.”
“I don’t think anyone could compare to the wife given to me,” Lan Xichen replied, quickly averting his eyes. “But if you feel… differently… Even if there is no one now , if… if you ever find someone you like… if you… then…”
It was odd to hear Lan Xichen speak like that, without the quiet confidence that usually radiated from him, searching his words, struggling to find his words. It was a little cute, a word that probably nobody else in the world would have associated with the eldest of the twin jades of Gusu Lan. But right at that moment, Nie Huaisang had never seen anyone cuter than this blushing, insecure Lan Xichen, especially when the words ‘no one can compare to my wife’ made his heart beat faster than even the most elegant poetry could have.
“There’s no one I could like more than my husband,” Nie Huaisang exclaimed, too happy to find a better way to say it. “I’m… I feel this is maybe something we should have talked about a long while ago,” he then mumbled, his embarrassment only slightly abated by the fact Lan Xichen looked as awkward as he felt. “You know, boundaries and… and how we see each other.”
Lan Xichen nodded, his cheeks growing a few shades brighter. “I’ve… thought of having that conversation but I… I gave up each time,” he confessed, still adorably unsure. “If you liked someone else, if you were very unwilling about this marriage, I would have… the pain would be… but you don’t, and you’re not?”
Nie Huaisang quickly nodded, then shook his head. This was the happiest day of his life. It was everything he’d wanted for these last few months, these last few years even, everything he’d dreamed of since he’d first been told about the engagement. To think that Lan Xichen liked him back, that Lan Xichen too was hurt by the possibility of his husband preferring another… There could not be anyone happier than Nie Huaisang in the world.
And yet even like this, Nie Huaisang still couldn’t quite believe that any of it was real. He had to make sure, had to know he wasn’t misunderstanding Lan Xichen’s unfinished thoughts. So he leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Lan Xichen’s lips, something surer than words. That terrifying act of courage was rewarded when Lan Xichen immediately grabbed his shoulders to kiss him a second time, and then a third, pulling him closer in spite of the table between them.
They really ought to have spoken about all this right from the start, to save themselves some pain, but Nie Huaisang was too happy to care.
As it turned out, it wasn’t so bad to be in love with one’s husband after all.