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Chapter Text

Jon clicked the recorder off and sat back. Extreme as it may be, it was one of the best ones he'd had in a while. It was a way out of this nightmare. Jon gave a heavy sigh. 

" Fuck. " 

He pushed his chair back and stood from his desk. He was swift in his approach to Martin's office. If the two of them did this together, then they could help one another. After all, most people outside of the institute wouldn't believe them. They would have their freedom. They would have each other. 

He didn't bother to knock. It was hard to say if it was because of his excitement or because he had grown used to just knowing someone was coming to his door. Jon didn't bother to see if he was busy, he just hovered on the other side of the desk. 

"Martin!" He exclaimed breathlessly, eyes wild with newfound knowledge and ideas. He got that look right before committing to a particularly foolish idea.

Martin was on his computer, typing up his notes about The Extinction. He was fully engrossed in his work, it took him a few moments to notice the tape recorder that had appeared. 

At first, he thought it meant that Peter was going to show up. Martin did not have the energy to deal with him right now and was preparing himself when Jon suddenly burst in. 

"Fucking hell, Jon!" He gasped out, knocking his thankfully empty mug off his desk. He bent over to pick it up. "Don't do that!"

Jon very much looked like someone who had been living off nicotine and caffeine got about the last week. He looked a bit more tired than he typically did, what with trying to avoid forcing statements out of people since Martin had warned the others about it. "Sorry, I just-" he trailed off, mind going full speed with the information he'd just gathered. 

"You’re right, I should have knocked." Then again, once he told Martin there was a way they could leave, he figured the other would understand his haste in coming in unannounced. Especially since Martin had made it very clear he needed to be alone as of late. Jon didn't like it but he had been trying to respect it. He had to trust Martin knew what he was doing.

"I-it's okay Jon, I was just surprised." Martin still wasn't a fan of how Jon just Knew where he was and could easily find him. Especially because Martin was very much trying to avoid him. He couldn't have anyone distracting him from his task. 

He got his first look at Jon in weeks. "Oh Jesus, Jon, you doing alright?" The man looked more clothes than human at this point, his hair frazzled beyond belief. All Martin wanted to do was take a comb to it and soothe it all out. But that might be too much. "You look like hell ."

Jon looked confused at first. He didn't often look at himself these days. Usually, he was buried in work to try and keep himself going. Come to think of it, when was the last time he slept? "Oh, right uh..." the Archivist gave a weak smile. "I..erm..God I get weak? Hungry I guess." There was a tone of distaste in even having to use the word but it was the best way he could describe it. Jon didn't like acknowledging he seemed less than human these days.

 "I've been trying to avoid... well, I've been sticking to older statements. " He paused, eyes darting away for a moment before returning to where Martin was. "Thank you, for the intervention by the way."

Martin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. That whole thing. To say he had been a little disappointed in Jon would be a bit of an understatement. He just never would've imagined that he would do that. "Look, I wouldn't have had to do to that if you had just-"

Jon raised his hands in front of him to interject with what Martin was saying. "Yes, no, I know. Im sorry" He'd been tripping over his own words since he'd come in the office. "That didn't come out right; honestly, thank you." 

Martin had been right to do it. Jon didn't realize how badly it was affecting other people. Jon may have decided to stay alive, but he didn't want to hurt people. "I did need to hear it." He meant it in earnest. That's why he'd been trying to stay to older statements and wait as long as he could stand between them.

Martin was honestly a little surprised. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to hear, but hearing hardass Jonathan Sims actually apologize and admit when he made a mistake? He thought he would never see the day. "Oh, uhm... good. That's good..." he looked off to the side. "Are the uh, the others helping?"

J on cleared his throat, starting to pull back up those barriers that usually kept him from apologizing or admitting fault. This time, however, Martin had been right to tell him. He needed to be aware he was pushing into boundaries that would have made him like other Avatars. He didn't want to be them. At least for as long as he could avoid it, which was why he was here now. 

The Archivist gave a wry sort of laugh. "Oh, they are keeping a, um very close eye on me." It was almost uncomfortable but he understood why they were doing it. In a way, it was for his own good, tired as he was. "That's not important - no, it is important, but it's not why I'm here."

Martin could see that Jon was very much overwhelmed. He wasn't exactly sure about what, but seeing him on edge and fidgety usually wasn't a good sign. 

"Jon, calm down, alright? Take a deep breath." He took one himself to have Jon mimic. "What do you want? " He didn't mean to sound so harsh, but Jon was interrupting him.

"I know, I know what you said, I just-" He was starting to get away from himself again. If anyone other than Martin had asked him to breathe like that he would have balked at them. Martin was different. He hadn't quite put his finger on what it was about the man, but he had some sort of immunity to the brunt of Jon's sometimes callous nature. 

He inhaled and let out the breath slowly, the act helping him find his words again. Martin was right, loath as he was to admit it. With that aside it was time to get down to business. Why he was actually here. "I think I found a way for us to leave the institute." His eyes focused on Martin's so he could analyze the other's reaction. "But, its..." He paused drawing in another breath. "Well...pretty drastic."

Martin was surprised, to say the least. His eyes widened and he moved back a little, trying to process what he just heard. "O-Okay?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to believe it yet. Or even why Jon wanted to tell him this. 

His eyebrows raised at the mention of it being drastic. He shouldn't have been surprised by that but it still was a little bit shocking. He shook his head in disbelief. "What, do you have to gouge your eyes out or something?"

Jon was surprised Martin got it in one. Well, gouging them was at least one way. Surely there were other ways to blind yourself. He hadn't had much time to figure it out yet. 

However, he didn't say anything, he just gave a more serious look to Martin to signify that, yes, that was the way they could get out of the Institute. He carefully watched Martin's expression to see how he was going to take it and if he was for the admittedly drastic solution.

It dawned on Martin that Jon was actually telling the truth. He sat back in his chair, stunned. " Fuck off " 

He ran a hand through his hair, stumbling over his words and thoughts. "Uh, uhm, right, okay then." He still couldn't believe it. It was so obvious that Martin was a little surprised no one had thought of it sooner. How else would one separate themselves from the Eye? "So I mean.... like permanently? Or..."

Jon couldn't help the half smile at Martin's reaction. Yes, this was serious, but it also was amusing nonetheless. As Martin asked if it was permanent or not Jon realized he wasn't sure. Eric certainly seemed to do it permanently. 

"I-I don't know. I suppose if your vision came back the Beholding probably would as well- probably " He didn't know and he figured that the Eye wasn't about to share that information. "It's not exactly easy to blind yourself temporarily anyway..."

Martin sat in his chair, staring at Jon in shock. He was now the one overwhelmed by this new information. He almost couldn't believe that there was a way out of there. Even if it was.... drastic. 

"Y-yeah, yeah okay...." He looked up at Jon, taking another deep breath before he asked his next question. "H-Have you told the others, or?"

He knew Martin needed time to absorb it, but Jon was more than ready to do this here and now if it meant their freedom. He didn't consider how impulsive it was at all. "No. I haven't. You're the first."

He hadn't wanted to tell anyone else yet. Martin needed to know first. Martin was who he cared the most about. If they both did this together, then maybe it would be okay.

Martin sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. He was not surprised. He was frustrated though, because of how Jon kept going against his wishes. How many times had he told Jon to leave him alone, yet he kept finding him? He looked up at Jon again. "Why?"

Jon spent a moment in silence, truly considering the question of why. He wasn't sure when it had happened, or even how, but Martin mattered greatly to him. It was a full 180-degree turn on how he first felt about the man. He didn't know how to explain it or why it had happened. It just had. 

"Uh, because....because.." He fumbled through his thoughts, trying to find the words through his manic haze. His shoulders softened just enough to be perceived. "Because I trust you. I, I'm trying to think of what to do and I-" he felt himself getting worked up again and he took a moment to inhale before sighing the breath out. "If I did try this, I don't want to do it alone..." 

That was part of his fear. Being alone after. As he said it was quite drastic and would change a lot about how he could function as a person, but they would be free . "We could leave here, you and me." As if they were ever a pair at this point. The idea seemed nice, more so than he cared to admit. "We could escape."

Martin grew weary, staring down at his desk. He was honestly very surprised that Jon trusted him this much, considering their past together. They've had a rough and rocky relationship. And now here Jon was, asking the impossible of him. He could see the desperation and fear in Jon's eyes. 

"Jon...." He took another deep breath, trying to hold his tears at bay. "Don't do this."

"Do what?" There was a lot Martin could be asking him to do. Don't be in his office. Don't try to leave the institute. Don't gouge out your own eyes but he wasn't sure. 

Surely Martin could see the opportunity that was presenting itself. They knew they couldn't quit. It didn't work like that. Jon certainly didn't want to die, although that could potentially be a way out, but he'd come this far and made the choice to keep living. What other options were there?

"Don't make it my decision ," he stressed, holding his more angry words at bay. He was not going to be a scapegoat, or whatever Jon wanted of him in this moment. 

"I mean, look at you!" He gestured to how skinny and disheveled Jon looked, like a stiff wind might blow him over. "Could you even survive in this state? Is there anything else that's keeping you alive?? " 

That was another part of all this too. Martin did not want to lose Jon, it was part of the whole reason why he was working with Peter, to make sure nothing bad happened to him. If Jon did this and didn't survive... Martin wasn't sure what he would do.

"I'm not making this-" Jon started to protest but Martin cut him off. He looked down at himself. His shirt was wrinkled and he'd been wearing it for about two days. He had left his hair down since he forgot a hair tie and didn't keep any at his desk. He'd been so consumed with the statement he hadn't even thought to use a pen to hold it in place. His jacket practically hung off of him these days. 

"I uh... I don't know. I don't- know but...maybe it worth it?" He sounded like he was losing a little steam in his conviction. "The risk y-you and me togther?" His eyes held Martin's for a moment, there was something in the way he said it that hinted at something unspoken. "Getting out of here - one way or another?"

Martin really was tempted for a few moments. He cared deeply about Jon, he might even go so far as to say he loved the man. It was an old crush of his for sure, but it never went away. That really was all he wanted, to run away with Jon and have them be happy together. 

But he couldn't. He was in too deep. He needed to help Peter, to make sure nothing bad ever happened. "Jon..."

He knew that tone. He'd heard it plenty of times before. He exhaled and gave his head a shake. "No. No, o-of course, this was stupid; you have your own plans going on don't you?" 

How could he not? Jon barely saw Martin anymore. Usually, it was hearing a door close or seeing him just around the corner. He didn't realize how much he had started missing Martin coming in to bother him or ask him if he'd eaten, or made him a cup of tea. He was arguably the best in the office at that.

Certainly, he had plans, especially with whatever was going on with Peter. Here he was, busting down the door to suggest they gouge their eyes out and run away together as if it was a romantic gesture.

Martin sighed, simply nodding and gesturing to the copious amount of notes that littered his desk, to the many tabs open on his laptop. 

"Look Jon I just.... I need to see this thing with Peter through." He tried his best to stress just how important this was. "If even half of what Peter is saying is true... I need to be here, I really do."

Jon reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose for a moment before responding. "But what if you don't ?" He sighed and placed his hands down on Martin's desk leaning onto them slightly. It didn't do much to change his stature since Jon was rather small as it was.

"We could just leave ." He began to fall back to that manic energy of finally having a solution. "I mean whatever their plan is for me, I am damn sure that doing that isn't it. I'd derail everything - we could derail everything and then just leave !" He had been so desperate for a way out and to take Martin with him. It did seem too good to be true but it had been placed right in his lap. The answer had been so obvious. So simple.

Martin couldn't help but laugh at Jon's words and stature. The smaller man seemed too confident, so ready to do something that might destroy him. Martin couldn't believe it, he really couldn't. 

His laugh was dry, humorless. He was on the verge of crying, but he held it in. He wanted to do it, but he couldn't. And he knew Jon didn't either. He took a deep breath. 

"Who am I kidding, Jon? You're not going to do that." He gestured towards the man. "Look at how you're shaking just at the idea. You don't want to die, you don't want to blind yourself. You want a reason to not do that. And I won't be that reason."

Jon looked taken aback when Martin laughed at him. He stood back up properly although he took half a step closer to Martin's desk. Something about it sent a shiver up his back. It had been a long time since he had been directly laughed at and now from Martin of all people? 

"I-I could " He stumbled the words out defensively. "I'm not going to sit here and be a puppet for something so much bigger than us Martin. Elias, the Eye, they have something planned for me. It's not going to be good, whatever it is. I'm not about to let that happen. No when there is something I can do!" Although he may have been shaking with a combination of fear, exhaustion, and adrenaline, Jon was quite serious about this. If anything a slightly defiant streak in him was pushing him to prove to Martin he could and he would do it.

Martin was caught off guard by Jon's response. This was not what he was expecting at all. He didn't actually suspect that Jon might want to go through with it. Jon was a timid man, even Martin knew this. And yet here he was, insisting on doing something so drastic.

Martin sat there, mouth open in shock. "You.... you actually want to do this?" He leaned in closer. "You're not just looking for a reason, you're.... already committed to this, aren't you?"

Jon set his jaw as Martin was scrutinizing him, his own unblinking gaze matching with the other man's. It was one of the more subtle changes Jon had gone through, but he tended to go much longer without blinking these days. 

"Yes, I actually want to go through with it. Why else would I be in this room?" He gave an indignant huff. Of course, he didn't actually want to be blind, but it seemed less harrowing than continuing the path he had been set down for the last four years. "I just... I want you to be free as well Martin. I don't want you stuck here and beholden to...whatever it is Lukas has you doing. He's not Elias, but I don't trust him." 

He paused, a new thought taking hold. "You know what. Maybe you don't need to do it." Whatever this was it fit in with Jon's impulsive half-baked ideas. The type that tended to get him kidnapped. "Maybe I'm the one holding it together. After all, they all keep talking about how I'm The Archivist and how important that is..."

Martin looked down at his desk and thought it all over. About what this all could mean, for his plans, for Peter's plans, and everyone else at the Institute. What could this mean if Jon actually did it? 

And deep down, Martin wanted to join him. He hated to admit it, but he wanted to leave this hell. He wanted to get out and be with Jon. The more he came to that realization, the more tears sprang into his eyes. 

"Jon, I.... god I wish I could." He couldn't look up at the man. "I want to go with you, I really do. But.... I don't want to blind myself." He looked back up at him. "I mean, how would that even work? The two of us, blind, together? That would be too much for us. We wouldn't be able to handle it." 

He tried his best to wipe the tears away, taking deep breaths. When Jon said his idea though, his head perked up. "Jon, even if that were true, why would Elias lie to us like that? He wouldn't. Unless...." Martin thought carefully. "Unless Elias doesn't even realize it."

Jon watched as Martin thought. It hurt him to realize Martin was crying. He didn't like the idea that he was the cause of the other's tears. There were things Jon hadn't yet admitted to himself about Martin. Although asking someone to blind themselves with you is an intimate ask. A highly drastic and rather fucked ask, but intimate nonetheless. 

His words only solidified more that he should do this alone. Something in his gut told him he was the price holding everything together. Why else would Elias have focused so heavily on just him as opposed to the others? "No, it's fine. It.... it makes more sense this way. I'm sure we'd figure it out together. A large enough percentage of the population is blind to some degree. There are ways to adapt..." He was thinking more heavily about this for himself now. 

It may be a lot if both of them were, but if it was just him maybe Martin could help him readjust to life after. Maybe that was wishful thinking. "I do think Elias would lie to us. He's been lying to us for years. "He may not realize it though. It worked for Eric Delano, so why would it be different for me?"

"I don't know what to think anymore. Everything has only gotten more confusing and scary around here and I'm not sure how to deal with it." There was a lot more to it than that, but that's all Martin could say right now. 

Part of Martin was selfish. Because he could very easily join Jon in blinding himself, in escaping the hell of the Institute. But Martin just... couldn't imagine a life without seeing. He couldn't tell if that was the Institute's influence or his own feelings, but he didn't want to be blind. 

But when he looked up at Jon, seeing the desperation and care in his green eyes... Martin thought it might be worth it. Anything would be worth it if he was with Jon in the end.

 "I have... an idea. Proposal. Whatever you want to call it." He took another deep breath. "I obviously cannot stop you from doing this, and I'm not going to. When you end up doing it, I'm going to try and quit the normal way, see if you actually are our tether."

Martin was the one shaking like a leaf now. "But if.... if that doesn't work, if I'm still tied here... I'm going to quit. I'll join you, one way or another."

Jon was absolutely terrified of being blind. If it didn't release him from the institute who knew what would come after him, but he was desperate. It was a chance and by the bubbling dread within him, he got a sneaking suspicion The Watcher did not want him to do this. Which only led him to believe he needed to do it more. If it freed Martin and everyone else didn't he at least need to try? He felt rather responsible for the other people working here. It was at least something he could do for the sheer hell they had all been living. 

"Oh?" Jon asked curiously as Martin stated he had a proposal. He listened and let the words fully absorb. Slowly he nodded. "That's perfect actually. That way if I am no one else has to get hurt." Jon smiled. He smiled for what felt like the first time in years. As impartial as he pretended to be, he carried an enormous amount of guilt for the rest of the archival staff. He felt responsible for so much of it. 

He had requested Tim and Sasha and they were both gone. He got Melanie tied up in this, as well as Basira and Daisy. He hadn't requested Martin, that just happened to be, but now he cared a great deal for the man he spent the first two years being mean to. However, he had found himself staring at Martin's closed office door more and more often. Ironic how that worked out. 

"Okay..." at first the statement sounded like he was unsure but Jon gave a more firm nod "Okay. Yes." Martin would join him. One way or another. Somehow that gave him a peace he hadn't had in ages. "So we have a plan then."

Martin could see the determination on Jon's face. It almost pained him but he understood. At the core of Jon, he had always been stubborn. And as of late, he had also been self-sacrificing. And here Jon was, about to do both. 

Martin took a deep breath. "I'm with you, Jon. However this shakes out, I'm going to be there with you." He said it with as much sincerity as he could. He wanted to say how he really felt, but he knew that might be too much right now. 

"Just, promise me something, okay?" Martin grew serious as he stared at Jon. "Promise me that when you go through with it, you call me first. I want to be there when it happens, to help you with it. I don't want you going through something alone again." 

Martin hesitated before continuing. "And also, uh, I'll be there to help in the aftermath. For the coming weeks. You're going to need someone to look after you, to help you. I, uh, I can move in, is what I'm offering." His face flushed pink as he broke eye contact.

Something in Jon's eyes softened when Martin said he was going to be with him. He was terrified to admit to himself how much he not only wanted but needed to hear that. To Jon, if Martin was going to help, then he'd be fine. Martin wouldn't just abandon him. 

"Okay, I promise" Although shouldn't he go it on his own? He had caused a lot of harm to people, perhaps it was only fitting if- no, he said he'd call. He would tell Martin when he did it. 

Jon felt himself flush a little at the idea of Martin just moving in with him. Had he thought of offering before? Yes. After everything with Prentiss, it probably wasn't very comfortable to stay in that flat anymore. He was also going to need help until he got the hang of things. Jon suddenly felt his throat was awfully dry. "I- uh well... yes I suppose you shoul-could do that. Probably would be safer for me in the beginning."

"Yeah, o-of course. It really is no bother to me. I have an air mattress I can bring over and some other things so I don't take up too much space." Martin couldn't believe he was talking about moving in with Jonathan Sims of all people. If Tim was still around, Martin wouldn't hear the end of it. 

"And yeah, it probably would be safer. I don't want you hurting yourself more than uh, than you are planning on doing." Martin grimaced as he thought of the actual act. That was not going to be pleasant for Jon. It would probably be very painful, which is why Martin wanted to be there when it happened, so he could help. 

Martin took a deep breath. "Do uh, do you know when you're going to do it? Have you thought that far ahead yet? Or is this another one of your famous impromptu ideas?"

Or they could share the bed. No, wait, why was Jon even considering that? "I also have a couch that is fairly comfortable but bring the mattress if you like." At least the couch was comfortable enough that Jon usually ended up passing out there while trying to read. Regardless the Jon of four years ago would have balked at the idea of Martin sharing a home with him. 

Jon gave a sort of noncommittal sound and nodded. It was an odd feeling. Knowing he had a finite amount of time left to see. He couldn't let himself get caught up in that or he might back out. "I uh..." a hand raised to push back through his hair. 

"I haven't thought about tha- wait, famous impromptu ideas? What are you talking about?" Jon felt he always thought out his ideas thoroughly. Evidence had been shown quite to the contrary a few times over. The kidnappings, the rib sitting in his desk drawer, the list could go on.

"I assure you, I'll bring everything I might need. I don't want to be a burden on you, especially considering what's going to happen." Martin didn't want to impose more than he already was. He also didn't want to make anything harder on Jon. He was already going to go through a lot. 

Martin scoffed. "Need I remind you what happened with Melanie? With Daisy and the coffin?" Jon was practically infamous for doing things impulsively, especially as of late.

Why did he feel a little giddy about Martin coming to stay? It had to be the lack of sleep or excess caffeine. Christ, he needed a cigarette and a chance to rest. Maybe he'd get a proper sleep once this was all said and done. He usually revisited people he took statements from these days. Not by choice either. 

Jon's lips drew into a thin and annoyed line. "Yes alright, I see your point. " He gave a heavy sigh. "I'll give it some thought before I go through with it." He paused and finally clocked the tape recorder on Martin's desk. "Well...shit, someone already knows the plan." He pointed down at the device. At least Elias was in prison. What could he do from there?

Martin looked down at the recorder. "Oh, Christ I forgot about that." That might throw a whole wrench into the plan. It's possible Elias was already listening anyway but who knows? Anything was possible nowadays. 

"He's not going to do anything, not if I have anything to say about it," Martin stated determinedly. "He's in prison, he can't do shit. And if he tries to get Peter to do something, he's got another thing coming." 

Where was this protectiveness coming from? Martin didn't understand it. It's possible his crush on Jon was coming back in full force. And now Jon was here to hear it. He got embarrassed all over again.

Jon gave an exhausted sigh and reached over to the recorder. "I think you've heard enough." And he unceremoniously turned the machine off. Who knew if it would stay off? 

"Right. Most he could do is call me and I don't have to answer that." Or he hoped that was all Elias could do while in prison. 

"Okay, right..." Jon straightened himself back up. "We have a plan. I have some....preparing to do." He found reassurance in Martin's words. It was still a very drastic thing, but if it got them out, all of them, it would be worth it.

Martin stood up from his desk and moved so he was standing next to Jon. They both were similar heights but with how skinny Jon was, it felt like Martin was towering over him. 

He shakily took Jon's hand in his. "You're going to be okay Jon. We are going to get through this. You are not going to be alone. I will be here with you, alright?" 

His face flushed red as he let go of Jon's hand. "I can uh, if you're okay with it, I can come over with some of my stuff tonight. So you can see where I'm setting things up and remember so you don't get surprised later."

Jon watched as Martin approached him and he turned to continue facing his coworker. His brows raised when Martin took his hand. As a reflex, he almost pulled it away but decided to let him keep hold. Jon got a little iffy about people touching the hand he had burned. He always hated the scars since then. At least they detracted from the others he had from Jane's attack. 

He didn't realize it but he had grabbed back onto Martin's hand as the other man told him it was going to be okay. He wouldn't have to be alone. Why did it feel so nice to hold Martin's hand? When was the last time he held anyone's hand? 

When Martin pulled away Jon returned from his internal thoughts. He felt heat in his own face as well and was honestly thankful his complexion was darker than Martin's. It made it easier to hide his blush. 

"Okay, yeah. That sounds good. That way I'm not tripping over things." He had a lot of work to do to prep his house. "I suppose I need a second key made too..." He sort of trailed off his mind starting to whirl with ideas. "I... I should probably go do some research and pick up some things."

Martin simply nodded as he cleaned up his desk. He couldn't believe that this was all going to happen. Jon was going to leave the institute, and Martin was going to join him. He wanted to think that this was all just some dream, but it was reality.

 He found himself almost getting excited at the future. It was something that wasn't going to involve Elias, or the Institute, or the Fears. And he was going to be with Jon. He couldn't wait. 

"Yeah that.... that might be a good idea. We can prepare for it. Don't feel like you need to rush into this." Martin realized that it was kind of hard to do that but he said it anyways. "Just, again, please tell me when you're going to do it."

Jon gave Martin a tired smile.

“I promise.”

He lied.

Chapter Text

There was a way out. Jon had that keep him moving forward in the plan.

They could be free of the horror they had been working in for years, unknowingly feeding a malevolent entity that had claimed them, changed them. Yes, the price was very steep, but what is the cost of your own freedom? What would you trade to know your actions were your own, that you weren't hurting people to survive? To Jon, it seemed worth the impending disability. It would change everything, but so had accepting the position of Head Archivist. It had changed him in ways that made him question his own humanity. So, really, how much worse could this be?

Jon needed this to work. He needed to be the tether that had been holding them all to the institute. That would make it worth it.  It was the least he could do for trapping them in the nightmare they had been living. He had even told Martin who was very much against it. He didn't blame Martin though. It was asking a lot. Almost like a weird, all-too-soon wedding proposal. Of course, Martin said no. Jon had busted into his office and laid out a hasty, impulsive plan.

This time was different. He had spent some time considering this and, as much as he wanted to see everything through, people kept getting hurt. Even with all the entities manipulating them and feeding off the residual fear around these scenarios, Jon simply could not perpetuate the machine. He knew he was somehow integral to it. There was no way so many other Avatars said the word Archivist as if it was a title or a seat of honor, something that elevated him to their levels, and something he did not want to be associated with. Maybe just maybe, he could stop whatever terrible machine was gathering momentum. At the very least, he'd be stepping out of the way and perhaps sparing the few friends he had left.

It would be easy to get lost in the what-ifs of how things could be worse, but he didn't want to lose his nerve. Jon pushed aside the thoughts and took a steadying breath. He was in the bathroom staring himself down in the mirror, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to do. Laid about the counter, around the sink were towels, bandages, painkillers, water, his mobile, eye wash solution, and a small vile of an unmarked substance.  To say he wasn't bloody terrified was a gross understatement and a cynical voice in his head remarked how something was probably enjoying that. The thought set his lips into a thin line as he focused on the scarring on his face, the tiredness in and around his eyes, and how overly haggard he looked these days.

No. This had to be the right choice. What would four more years even do to him?

He took in a long breath through his nose and willed the rising bile of anxiety and fear bubbling up in him. Strangely enough, he wanted to cry. Mostly for what his life should have or could have been. He pushed that down as well and moved to pick up Ampersand, who had been braiding himself through Jon's legs, aware something was going on. "Hullo there." He pressed a kiss to the cat's head. "I have to take you out of here now. I don't need you getting hurt too. I promise I'll be okay, despite what you are probably about to hear." The cat purred in his arms and bopped the tips of their noses together, almost as if trying to take his attention away from the impending task. However, the cat was set outside of the bedroom with a weak smile and shut out for its own safety.

The last thing he did before getting underway was pull up a few of his favorite photos of his friends, people he had cared about, and just some nice memories. He wanted something pleasant as his last memories of sight. The last photo, however, was some of Martin. He wanted to be sure he didn't forget what Martin looked like.  Lord only knows how cross Mr. Blackwood was going to be when he got a phone call in 10 or so minutes. While he was trying to memorize a candid photo he had of Martin laughing, a blush across his cheeks bringing out his freckles, hair fully strawberry blond instead of having the touch of the Lonely about it, his mobile went off with a few texts in succession from Elias

"Jon. You should think about this.”

"It's really not going to help you."

"We can still discuss this Jon. No reason to be rash."

A frown etched itself into Jon's countenance and he closed out the messages. He didn't know how Elias was even able to text him, but it wasn't worth trying to figure it out. He wasn't going to answer and, if anything, it proved further this was what he needed to do. He just, needed to actually do it. He took a moment to look over that picture of Martin again before switching his mobile over to have his number ready to dial.

Okay. No more putting it off.

Jon first took the painkiller; it was going to need time to work anyway. Next, he opened the eye wash solution, mostly to get the little cup inside meant to fill with saline and flush the eyes out, but that part would come later provided he could still find it. He had purchased two so it would be easier. He set out the towels and looked over the setup, moving his hands through what he was about to do in practice so it would be easier the second time. Finally, he took the small vial that was obtained quite illegally and began to fill the little cups up. His phone chimed a few more times, followed by a call. No doubt Elias trying to plead with him, but he declined the call and continued what he was working on.

Once filled and set Jon took a moment to quiet his mind, repeating to himself that this was the best action he could take, and he just needed to get it over with. He wouldn't be alone. He would have Martin to help him. It was going to be okay. With one last glance over to his phone, to be sure it was still unlocked and ready to call, Martin's smiling face displayed on the contact he gave a nod, steeled himself, and acted. Jon lifted the cups up and fit them over his eyes, using the curved plastic to push his eyelids back as far as he could safely get them. He stared down into the clear liquid for a moment and as the panic started to build in him, Jon quickly threw his head back causing what was essentially a mild acid to flood his eyes.

The pain was instant, almost searing as he felt what flesh was inside of the cup begin to react. It was a remarkable act of willpower to keep them pressed to his face what he could see through the liquid and the plastic seemed to bubble and melt together. He made it all of five seconds, screaming in pain the whole while before he turned his face back downward over the sink and dropped everything into it. He had every intention to refill the cups with the saline and wash his eyes but there was no conceivable way he was going to have that happen. Jon's hands fumbled to turn the sink on so he could, at the very least, repeatedly bring shaking handfuls of water to his face to supplement.

Finally, holding himself up on the counter, the worst of the pain regressing to something terrible but manageable, Jon was able to pick up one of the towels to press to his eyes, his fingers still shaking.

Martin's phone had several text messages of varying urgency from Elias. And then his phone was ringing. When it was ignored, it simply started again. There was an incessant pressing in the back of Martin's mind that he needed to answer this call. Truth be told Elias, no, Jonah, needed this call answered.

He couldn't let Jon ruin this. Not after he was so close and worked so hard to turn Jon into what he was. With what control he still had over Martin, Elias tried to insist on getting his call answered.

Martin was still in the office, finishing up some more things for Peter when his phone started to go off. At first, he thought that it might be Jon, that he was about to go through with it. But when he checked the phone, it was Elias. That made Martin even more confused. How could he call him from prison?

He ignored the multiple calls he got. He had no desire to speak to that menace. He had some stuff to finish up, and then he had to bring the rest of his items to Jon's flat.

But as the calls came in, Martin felt more and more compelled to answer it. He grimaced and decided to see what the hell Elias wanted. He picked up his phone. "What the hell do you want?"

"You better go stop Jon." He didn't need to exchange pleasantries with Martin. He knew where they stood. "He's about to ruin everything and if you can't make it to his flat in about five minutes it'll be too late." He didn't like how panicked he sounded. "Did you really think I wouldn't have had a fail-safe built in after Eric pulled his stunt?"

If Martin listened carefully he could hear Elias pacing through his cell, probably much like a caged animal. "Get moving Martin or you won't even get an opportunity to see him again."

Sure it was a bluff that they'd all die if Jon died but what else could he do in this situation? He had some things to say to Peter too if he could find the man. He hated that he now had to rely on Martin of all people to save his Archivist from himself.

At first, Martin was a little stunned. There was no way that Jon was going to go through with this, not without him. Jon had promised that he could call him before he did it. Anger filled Martin for a moment but he let it subside.

He couldn't help but laugh as he heard Elias' desperate attempt to convince him. "What? You scared that you're powerless in that little prison cell of yours? You trying to get me to do your dirty work? Try again."

He was going to see Jon again, he knew it. The threats from Elias didn't work on him. He was going to spend the rest of his life with Jon, no matter how it went.

Elias grit his teeth, hand tightening on the phone. He promised himself he wasn't going to yell at Martin, but the man was certainly testing him right now. "Fine, then you wait there at work while that acid eats out his eyes and, if you know Jon as well as I do, he'll go too far with it. Either disfigure himself or kill himself. Now they won't let me go anywhere, but I know you have a key."

He drew in a breath to try and steady his emotions that were threatening to boil. It was much harder since Peter's connection with Martin was much stronger than his own these days.

 "Go and stop him Martin."

Even if his control was not overly strong didn't mean he couldn't at least try.

Martin gritted his teeth, trying his best to resist the Compulsion. It was very weak, and he couldn't tell if it was because of his newfound ties to the Lonely, or it was Elias' weakened powers. But he stood strong.

"I'm not your punching bag anymore, Elias. You can't get me to do things quite so easily. I've grown a backbone, and I can handle your jabs and threats because all they are are empty words! You can't do shit!"

Martin laughed a shrill laugh, packing up the things on his desk into his bag. "Well guess what, Elias? I don't have to listen to your bullshit anymore! You don't have any power over me! I fucking quit, do you hear me? I quit !"

It took Martin a few moments to process what he had just said. He was able to quit, he was able to leave . Excitement filled his chest until it dawned on him. Jon had actually done it, and he did it without him.

He saw a new call pop up on his screen. It was Jon. "Sorry Elias, I don't have to talk to you anymore. Fuck you!" He quickly hung up and answered Jon's call.

Elias heard the words. He heard Martin say he quit and the silence that followed was almost deafening for a moment. That meant Jon had done it and he'd been too busy arguing with Martin to even catch it. " Fuck " He growled, no longer able to contain it. He had failed, after all this time and planning and Jon went and ruined everything.

Jon removed the towel from his eyes. He felt over for his phone, where he had left it, and tried to hit the screen to call Martin, but he heard no dial tone. A different sort of panic rose in him. His mobile was touchscreen, and he couldn't see it anymore. He didn't know where to tap to make the call connect. Before he could fall too far down that path, something in his brain reminded him of the assistant. Luckily, he was able to hold down a button and its cheery blip let him know it was listening.

"Call Martin."

Each passing ring set his stomach into knots as he carefully lowered himself to the floor to rest his back against the cool of the tub. Once the line connected he didn't even pay attention to Martin's greeting. He was probably going to be furious he hadn't called him before, but he worried Martin would have tried to stop him again.

Jon probably needed A&E but he didn't want to really explain any of this. Still, once Martin had answered Jon simply cut him off.

"I… I went through with it. I need you, Martin."

"Yeah Jon, I know, Elias tried to call me. But I quit, I fucking quit Jon!" His voice was high with a mix of adrenaline, excitement, and anger. He was rushing out of the Institute and onto the streets of London. He needed to get to Jon's flat as soon as possible.

"But what were you thinking Jon? I told you to call me before you actually went through with it. You promised me!" He had a myriad of different things he wanted to say right now, but he held most of his anger back.

He climbed into his car. "Did you at least call 999? Or are you waiting for me to drive you there? Christ, how can you even talk right now?"

"Oh good." Jon sounded softer than usual. He was truly fighting through more pain than he anticipated. "That means it worked." However, despite that there was relief in his voice. It hadn't been for naught. That meant he had made the right choice. Once he was sorted he'd get Martin to call the others and let them go.

"What?" He snapped back to the phone call and the moment at hand. "I-yes, I know I said but I... what if... " He gave a small grunt before he sighed. "What if you tried to stop me? What if Elias compelled you to stop me? Look, I'm alright... I'm relatively alright. And you quit, so it's best case scenario."

He paused and knew Martin was only going to be more upset "I didn't call 999." He replied a little flatly. "As for talking? Comes with a great deal of pain if I'm going to be honest with you."

"It doesn't matter, you still promised! You swore to me that you would call me! How much more do I have to convince you that I care about you? That I want to be there for you?" Martin hated that he was yelling, but he was just high on emotions right now as he tore through the streets of London, trying to get to Jon's flat quickly.

Martin let out a short laugh. "Why am I not fucking surprised. Once I get there, i'm taking you straight to A&E. We can make up a lie about how you spilled bleach in your eyes or something. Just don't move, I'll be right there."

Jon flinched at the way Martin yelled at him. He was rather used to most people being mad at him, so why did this make his chest tighten so much? Why did it make him want to curl up into a tighter ball? He didn't like that he had upset Martin so deeply.  If he hadn't withdrawn into himself so much he might have caught exactly what type of confession that was.

Jon was quiet for some time before he softly replied. "I was going to say it was lye while trying to make my own soap and made a mistake with my measurements." He swallowed and tried to stifle a small whimper. His eyes stung so fiercely. He hoped he had gotten everything out, but it was hard to be sure. He heard Ampersand meowing on the other side of the door trying to get back in.

"I'm in the bathroom, by the way. I'm sat back against the tub, facing the door. Everything dangerous is in the sink."

Martin pulled into the parking lot of Jon's apartment building. "That also works. I'm going to be up in a few minutes. Just breathe for me Jon alright? You are going to get through this." His tone was much more gentle now. Yeah, he was still mad at the incredibly stupid thing that Jon had done, but he would save it for later.

He was thankful that Jon's flat was on the first floor, he couldn't imagine having to deal with stairs right now. He let himself in and immediately booked it to the bathroom.

He found Ampersand clawing at the door, and he scooped the cat up. "It's okay, he's alright," he soothed to the cat as he placed them down in the bedroom. He then rushed back to the bathroom and opened the door.

He could see the ingredients littering the bathroom counter, and then his eyes fell on Jon. The man looked even smaller than he was, hunched over in pain, holding his hands to his eyes.

He knelt down next to Jon. "Hey, I'm here. It's going to be okay. Let's get you to A&E, alright? Can you stand?" He waited for Jon to answer before he tried to help or touch him.

Jon heard the door open. The cat immediately started meowing at Martin and pacing. He heard Ampersand be shut in the other room and then Martin was there with him. Somehow that alone was a comfort.

Jon knew he had to move. A small part of him wished he could just stay there until he was fine, but that wasn't how it was going to work. Logically he knew that. "Erm... in theory, I should be able to, it's just my eyes." He slowly pulled his hands away from his face and reached out for Martin, fingers bumping into the man.

No sooner did he make contact with Martin did Jon latch onto him. He tried to open his eyes, but it was really for nothing. He could see the light in the room, which seemed overly intense and that was about it. To Martin, his eyes would have been quite red from the irritation, and beginning to cloud over his green iris' and pupils. His eyelids and just a touch of the skin around were heavily acid-burned at the moment. Obviously, some new scars were being added to the collection.

"Okay, I... I think if you help keep me steady I can get up."

Martin's heart broke in two as he heard Jon speak and saw him in such a state. He hated that Jon was in pain, but it was freeing to know that he was free now. They both were free from the hell of the Institute.

"Jon, you are in no such state to handle this," Martin said softly, brushing the hair out of Jon's face to try and get a better look at his eyes. Martin was a little relieved to see it had all worked at least.

Before he second-guessed himself, he scooped up Jon in his arms and began to carry him. "Just let me help you right now, okay? I'm going to do everything I can to help you, alright?" He almost pressed a kiss to Jon's forehead. Almost. He was careful as he carried Jon out of the apartment and towards his car.

Jon flinched at first when his hair was removed from his face. He was just over-correcting because of pain, not because he was worried that Martin touched him.

However, when he was scooped up Jon gave a surprised yelp. He curled into Martin since he quickly lost himself in orientation since he wasn't anticipating it. Almost by instinct, he tucked his face into Martin's shoulder, one hand gripping the front of his shirt.

"Okay, yes. It'll probably be faster." Jon was in enough pain that he just didn't have the will to fight what he'd normally find embarrassing. Not to mention that, despite the pain, this was possibly the safest he had felt in years.

Martin struggled a little to lock the apartment door behind him and open his car with Jon in his arms, but he still managed to do so. "Just breathe for me, we're going to A&E soon. You're going to get help. I know it hurts but it's going to be okay." He buckled Jon into his seat and then climbed into the driver's side and went as fast as legally possible to the nearest A&E.

It was a little bit of a drive but eventually, they made it. Martin hated that he was probably about to make a scene by carrying Jon in but he didn't care. Jon needed help right now, and the sooner the better.

Martin obviously wasn't allowed to follow the doctors as they took Jon away, so he found himself sitting nervously in the waiting area, his knee bouncing like crazy and his hands fidgeting. The doctors at least believed the story about the lye and soap, so he didn't have to explain too much. But the waiting was going to be the worst part.

He knew deep down that Jon was going to be okay. He had to be. Despite Jon's past tendencies, he had actually done research before this action. But there was still that little nagging feeling in the back of his head that something might go wrong. That he might leave this A&E alone. But he didn't dwell on those thoughts, he couldn't let himself spiral.

Jon kept himself tucked against Martin. Despite the pain, there was so much relief in knowing Martin was able to quit. He also trusted that Martin would take care of him, as the man had said.

What was surprising was just how comfortable he was pressed to Martin's chest. So much so that when they got to the car he was loath to let go. Although someone had to drive and it wasn't going to be him. The car was difficult. He found himself getting disoriented easily. He was trying to track where they were going by memory, but after a few turns that was gone.

Jon was taken back to be cared for, there was a bit of a panicked look on the man's face when he realized he had to separate from Martin and go with a bunch of strangers who could be working for any of the fears, but what choice in the matter did he have? Martin was a coworker and friend, not family. So it had to be this way.

It was several hours of people treating him. It was easier after they gave him some pretty intense pain medication. Made him not particularly care about much. However, eventually, a nurse would come to tell Martin that Jon had a room and was in recovery from the procedures done to help him.

For the time being he had gauze over his eyes, mostly to keep infection out while his skin was healing. He'd have to go to an optometrist to see if there would be any sight leftover, although they suspected it would be minimal. Martin got a whole rundown of the doctors Jon was going to need to see and even some pamphlets about where he could go for occupational therapy to learn how to renavigate the world.

"We are working on discharge paperwork, does he have someone to stay with before we put that through? He shouldn't be alone." The nurse was holding a clipboard that housed Jon's notes. Jon himself was resting on a bed behind them. It was hard to see if he was awake or not because of the bandages over his face.

After Martin replied to her, the nurse would excuse herself and pull a privacy curtain to leave the two men alone. It was only after that happened that Jon spoke.

"Martin?" He asked curiously, one hand lifting and reaching out in his direction.

Those hours in the waiting room were some of the longest hours of Martin's life. His phone could only do so much distracting. And he was too awkward to talk with anyone else in the waiting room. There barely was anyone in there anyway considering how late at night it was.

He did at least contact Basira to let her know what had happened. He wasn't sure how he would be able to tell everyone else working at the Institute, but he was going to worry about that later. Right now his main focus was Jon.

Martin wasn’t a hugely religious person. His mother had raised him Catholic, but as he grew older, he grew more distant from it. It was almost a relief to him when his mother didn’t have the energy to go to church anymore. But here and now, despite the years of distance, he found himself muttering numerous prayers for Jon to be okay.

He had done this once before, when Jon was in his coma. He had hoped that that would be the last time he would ever have to do such a thing. But he did it again and again, praying that there would be a good outcome.

After what felt like an eternity, one of the nurses called Martin back. She led him towards the room that Jon was in and started giving him a whole slew of information. To say Martin was a little overwhelmed would be an understatement, but he was going to do this. He was going to help Jon no matter what.

That's when he saw Jon again, with the bandages over his eyes. He didn't know why, but that made him nearly start crying all over again. Jon had done it, and now they were free. But Jon was the one hurting now, and that was hard for Martin to accept.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts as he heard Jon speak. He walked to Jon's bedside and took his hand. "Hey, Jon, I'm here. You okay?"

As soon as his fingers touched Martin's hand he latched onto the other man as if he was an anchor. Usually, Jon was quite aloof, much like a cat that likes to observe from a threshold, but here he was quite desperately seeking someone to help make him feel more steady.

"I'm... alright." He wasn't okay. He was scared and unsure of anything outside of the island was the bed they had him in. "Before they put all of this on me I could actually kind of see light." He motioned to the bandages over his face. "I feel like this is a bit much." There was a thick amount of bandaging but it was to create a bit of a cushion for him, but to Jon, he felt like he may have had a balloon for a head.

"I'm sorry they took so long. I... didn't think they would have so much to do." He had undergone a procedure to reopen his tear ducts since the acid had caused them to fuse shut. Something he hadn't accounted for.

He fell silent again for a moment before he angled his face in what he hoped was in Martin's direction. He based it on where he heard Martin's voice coming from. "...Thank you. For being here." He paused for a moment, a small smile coming to his lips. "At least we are free now. I-I should probably call the others. Let them know they can go."

Martin sighed, hearing the waviness and shakiness of Jon's voice. "Jon, you can be honest with me. You don't have to pretend that everything is alright. You just went through a traumatic event. It's okay to be scared."

Martin couldn't help but chuckle. "I assume the copious amounts of bandages are also there so you don't accidentally touch your eyes. It can be hard to get rid of that reflex." He took a deep breath. "And you don't need to apologize, Jon. I would have waited a millennia to make sure that you were okay."

Martin squeezed Jon's hand. "Of course, I'm here. I promised you that I would take care of you, and I'm not going back on that. And you don't have to worry. I already told Basira, and she said she would tell the others. You just need to focus on resting and healing now."

But didn't he deserve some of that suffering? After all that he brought on the others? After Tim and Sasha? Not to mention the people he may have unintentionally terrified just to get a statement out of them? Surely he deserved some sort of atonement for it.

"I..." He started before falling back silent again. A sigh moved through him and he leaned back on the bed that had been propped up so he could sit. "I...am scared. You are right. I'm sure something is having a field day with that, but..." He paused, a dry laugh bubbling up. "I don't know what happens now. I don't know what I do without the institute or well I guess we are both unemployed now."

That was something Jon hadn't accounted for. Well, he should be able to collect disability at least. He wasn't sure where his skills could be applied without eyesight. Most of academia needed that.

His hand was absently tracing over Martin's hand and fidgeting with his fingers. Jon wasn't even really aware that he was doing it. "I think they said I would be discharged tonight. Have to follow up with a doctor of course." That was another thing he didn't consider, the healing and recovery period. In his plans, Jon simply continued life, but there was much work to be done now.

Martin squeezed Jon's hand again, resisting the urge to kiss it. He didn't want to push things too far too fast, not when Jon was only freshly blind. "It's going to be okay Jon, we will figure this out together. And uh... well about that." Martin's face flushed red. "Before I left I... may or may not have siphoned some of Peter's money into my account."

It was a spur-of-the-moment thing that Martin had done the day before the incident. He assumed that Peter would barely notice it, and now that they were gone, it was too late for him to do anything about it. "It will last us for a few months. I'm going to start job hunting soon, but first I'm going to focus on you."

Martin almost didn't notice how fidgety Jon's hands were. He put his other hand over it to gently stop him. It wasn't that he was bothered by it, but he was assuming that Jon was nervous and just wanted to calm him. "Yeah, they said they were working on the paperwork for that. Once it's finalized we can get you home so you can sleep."

Jon's brows raised in surprise, but that was covered for the time being. "You what?" He questioned, a wide smile finding his lips. Oh, that was very clever of Martin. Here he was thinking he'd live of cup noodles and sandwiches. Wouldn't be the first time. Jon's eating habits were not the best. He also wasn't a great cook, but he'd made it this far in life.

"Well I doubt he'll try to sue you. Even if he did what grounds does he really have? I also don't think Peter Lukas would actually show forna court date." The idea itself was pretty funny though. "I have some money saved up too, not becauseni was planning this, but because... well what else were we doing besides working?" He hadn't taken a holiday I'm about five years.

His hand did settle when sandwiched between Martin's. Typically he'd not ask for such physical affection, assuming he should handle himself. However, with his lack of vision, it gave him a solid point to work from. This way he knew Martin wasn't going anywhere. "I'm not sure I can sleep. Then again I also don't know what I'm going to do with my time."

"It was a spur of the moment idea and well, it worked didn't it? We don't have to worry about money for a little while. And once you start getting disability, we shouldn't have too many problems either." Martin's face was still a little pink but he didn't care.

He fell silent for a moment. "Yeah, I... I know. Sleep has been hard on all of us for the last few months. But.... now that you're free from that place and your role, hopefully, you can get some proper rest."

He had to once again resist the urge to kiss Jon. "I'm going to go talk with the doctor and see about getting you discharged alright? It's been a long night for the both of us, but it's almost over, okay? Don't push yourself." He squeezed Jon's hand one more time before leaving.

"Honestly? It was a brilliant idea." That was probably the first time Jon outwardly complimented Martin's intelligence. He had thought Martin a fool for quite some time, but it was his idea that distracted Elias and allowed them to go to the Unknowing. Not that it went...overly well, but it remains that Martin Blackwood fooled Elias Bouchard.

He nodded at the idea of proper rest though. What would his nights be like without nightmares? He'd gotten so used to it, it would be weird to have a quiet night. Somehow having someone else in the house might help as well.

"Oh..r-right. Yes." He was fairly anxious to have Martin pull away and leave him on that bed with naught but the blips and beeps of the machinery around him.

The Nurse greeted Martin when he arrived at the nurses' station. She had some paperwork for Martin and walked him through some basic information about caring for Jon. She went over medications and some ointments as well as explained how to change his bandages. Jon was not to shower for a while, he'd be dependent on a sponge bath for at least a week or two until it was safe to remove his bandages.

Once she got through her mini-lesson she offered Martin a smile. "Any questions?" She reached out a hand to gently lay on his shoulder. "Your friend is going to be okay. Things will be different, but it could have been worse." She offered some genuine encouragement before having Martin sign Jon out so they could go home.

Martin simply nodded and committed what the nurse said to his memory. He stuffed all the information into his backpack as he signed Jon out. Hearing the woman call Jon "his friend" made him feel a little hollow. I mean it's true, they were friends, but they were also so much more than that, weren't they?

Martin helped Jon walk out of A&E and back towards his car, trying to be extra gentle with the man. "It's all going to be okay Jon. We've got a long road ahead of us, but it's going to be alright in the end. Let's get you home and get some sleep alright?"

The adrenaline from the whole situation was finally starting to wear off, and all Martin wanted to do was go to bed. But he needed to make sure Jon was alright first. So he made the drive home.

Jon was rather uncomfortable navigating and practically clung to Martin as if he was about to be swept away. He nearly knocked his head on the top of the car door as he made his way into the vehicle and curled back up in the seat. The world felt so much larger all of a sudden, swallowing him up. The black of the bandages reminded him of being in the coma and he was unaware of just how hard he was gripping the car door as they made their way home.

They had been traveling for a few minutes before Jon spoke, his voice still quite soft. "Thank you." There was a pause as he truly struggled to accept people being kind to him. "For being here with me. I don't know that I'd have been able to do this part alone." Jon probably would have stayed pressed against the tub if Martin hadn't come to get him.

When they parked, Jon was both relieved and nervous. He now had to get back to the flat. However, something told him there was an actual close to this chapter once he could get through the door. From there forward was, hopefully, just healing. He managed to let himself out of the car but ended up just standing there awkwardly not having a single clue which way his building was from where Martin parked.

Martin softened as he looked over at Jon. He looked even smaller than before, so timid and scared as he clutched the car door like a lifeline. "I said I was going to be here for you Jon, and I mean it. Every step of the way, I'm going to help you. You are not going to go through this alone, not anymore."

Martin had every intention to stay with Jon and to help him. He cared very deeply about the man, despite everything that had gone on between the two of them. Part of it also might have to do with his crush on Jon, but he decided not to dwell on that.

He parked the car and got his things from the backseat. He could hear Jon getting out of the car and immediately rushed over to his side. "Jon, Jon, take it easy," he stated softly. "You are not ready to do anything by yourself. You are still healing. Just play this slow, alright?"

"I know that you said it....but saying and doing are very different things." Not that he had doubted Martin. It was more that he felt he didn't deserve Martin's kindness. Not to mention most of Jon's life he tried to prove himself independent and that was just not the case now. He struggled with the idea that anyone wanted to be around him. After all, even his own Nan hadn't wanted to care for him. Why would that change now?

He heard Martin rushing around the car to him and he gave a small indignant sound. "It's my eyes though, not my legs. I can stand just fine." Well, some things died hard and one of those things was Jon's somewhat grumpy exterior. Martin would have his work cut out for him by getting Jon to not overdo things. 

“Here..." He reached out in Martin's direction until his fingers bumped into the other. He let his hand work slowly to find Martin's arm and then slide to find his hand. "I need you to lead me back anyway."

Martin couldn't help but blush as Jon held his hand. Something so simple and innocent shouldn't cause him to freak out this much, but he couldn't help it. It used to be something he dreamed of doing, and now it was a reality. He shook his head to try and focus.

"I know that, but I still don't want you to exert yourself too much. This is still really new for both of us. I don't want you to overwork your mind, alright?" He slung his backpack over his shoulder and gently led Jon back to his flat.

As soon as they entered, Ampersand meowed loudly and ran up to them, nuzzling against Martin's legs. "Oh, hello there. We're back, don't worry." He bent down for a moment to pet the cat before leading Jon to his bedroom.

Jon hadn't thought too much about holding Martin's hand outside of needing something to hold onto and that seemed like the most natural thing. Besides they had done that a few times now and Martin didn't seem to mind how rough his skin was from the burn scars on his palm or the other pock marks he had from other attacks.

"Overworking my mind is what I do." Although this was said in a rather flat tone it was Jon trying to make a joke. For the past four years, he had been overthinking everything. When they started moving he instinctual moved closer to Martin's side as they walked to the flat.

Ampersand tried to follow and even pawed at Jon's ankle because he didn't get a hello from him. "Yes yes, I know I'm sorry, I'm kind of in a predicament right now. I promise you'll get all the pets you can stand." Once in his bedroom he shuffled over to his bed to sit down. At least seated on the bed he knew he had a specific space that was safe for him.

They were back. It was over and they were free of the Institute. He gave a sigh that he had been holding for such a long time now. "It almost doesn't feel real, does it?"

"Well hopefully, in the future, we can give your mind a break. I don't want you to stress so much anymore. You can rest, you're safe Jon." There was a smile on his face as he said that. The two of them were safe, for now at least.

Martin helped Jon sit down and ran a hand through Jon's hair, trying to reassure him. "If I can be honest, yeah. This doesn't feel entirely real yet. But it's our reality now, and I can only hope for the future. The worst part of all of this is mostly behind us."

That was when Martin realized that, Jon was still wearing the same clothes. He hesitated for a few moments, not wanting to cross any lines. But if this was going to become their new normal, he needed to get over the embarrassment. "Would uh, would you like some help changing into something more comfortable?"

He could hear the smile in Martin's voice and that certainly made a small one of his creep onto his face. When Martin's hand first went to pass through his hair he gave a small start not anticipating it but, perhaps surprisingly, leaned into it. For Jon, it wasn't even a conscious movement so much as he couldn't even remember the last time he had been touched without the intent being malicious.

Jon felt like he could honestly cry at the idea of truly being free from this nightmare. He couldn't do that right now, considering the trauma to his eyes, but the urge was still there. Thank God Martin couldn't see his eyes right now.

"I can't believe it worked. I'm honestly quite relieved it was only me that had to do this. Seems that I was the tether." When asked about changing he gave a soft "Ah." Of realization that he was, in fact, still wearing the same clothing. "So, erm...the dresser across from the bed. The bottom drawer on the left. Shirts and sleep pants are in there."

Why did his face suddenly feel so hot that Martin was going to see the other half of his wardrobe that wasn't just his professional dress? Jon was usually well-dressed. It was hard to say put together, but he at least wore decent things to work. That drawer was filled with sweatpants, pajamas, and t-shirts.

Martin nodded. "I'll be right back, don't worry. Let's get you into something a bit more comfortable, alright? Then it's bed rest for you." He knew that Jon didn't need to be on bed rest, but he was going to do his best to force him to do so anyway. Jon deserved to get some proper sleep and rest during this recovery. Martin was determined to make it so.

He fished around in the drawer before grabbing the softest-looking shirt and pants that he could find. He closed the drawer and came back over to the side of the bed. "Do you want some help? Or do you think you can manage on your own?" He didn't want to make Jon feel like he was incompetent to do anything but he just wanted to make things easier for him, no matter how trivial.

Jon let his hands come to rest in his lap while Martin went to pick his clothes for him. He was curious if he'd pair the same things together that he would have himself. It didn't matter though. It would be clean and comfortable.

"No, no I think I can manage changing my clothing. I appreciate the assistance. I figure you'll tell me if I'm wearing something backward." Jon started working the buttons off on the shirt he was wearing. It was going to take him a moment to work through all of them.

"I'm getting the feeling you'd feel better if I tried to sleep." He was a touch tired. He was home, he was alive and they were both free, so he could begin to relax and the day was beginning to catch up.

"While I change if you wouldn't mind grabbing the pain meds and some water I'll lay down and give it a shot." Jon honestly was struggling to take being fretted over, but he was trying to consider that Martin also needed to rest.

"I would definitely appreciate it if you tried, yes. I know it can be hard but, hopefully, now that you have cut your ties, you won't get any more nightmares." Martin gave Jon's shoulder another squeeze. "I'll go grab those things for you. Just yell if you need anything, alright?"

Martin was a little relieved to leave the room. He couldn't imagine being in the same room as Jonathan Sims changing his clothes. It made him very nervous and embarrassed. Although he would have to get over that eventually.

He set down his backpack on the kitchen table and pulled out all the medication, ointments, and other things the doctors had given him. He would organize it all tomorrow, he was beyond tired. He grabs the pain meds and a bottle of water before returning to Jon's room.

"Alright, Martin..." Jon said softly and nodded. "I'll give it a shot and I'll be sure to let you know if I need help.” He waited to hear the door close before he worked his shirt off and then his trousers and undergarments. He placed them onto the bed and grabbed his sleep trousers. It took a little longer than it would have if he could see because he had to make sure he had them the right way around.

By the time Martin returned, Jon was just finishing pulling the shirt over his head. He turned to face Martin again and held a hand out, presumably for the medicine or water.

"Do you have everything you need? I don't remember if you got to bring over everything you needed." He did feel a little guilty that he didn't have a spare room, but rent in London was...exactly that. "I have some spare blankets and pillows."

Martin placed the medicine bottles on the bedside table and counted out the number of pills he would need. After a few moments, he gave them to Jon carefully so they wouldn't spill out of his hand. "Take these and then I’ll hand you the water, alright?"

He couldn't hold back a yawn and he shook himself, trying to keep himself awake for a little bit longer. "I have all my essentials, yeah. There's a few more things in my car but I can grab them tomorrow." All he wanted to do was fall asleep, but he needed to make sure Jon was alright.

Jon took the pills and plopped them into his mouth before reaching out for the water. He took a mixture of pain medication and preventative antibiotics. "Thank you, Martin." He tried to hand the cup back and when he did he slid his hand to linger against the other's. "Try to get some rest too. You've done a lot today."

Jon reached back for the bed and started to pull the comforter back so he could crawl in. "I promise I'll tell you if I need you." He gave a yawn of his own as he started to try to settle into bed.

The brief contact between them made Martin's heart flutter. All he wanted to do was hold onto Jon and not let go. He wanted to stay by Jon's side for the rest of eternity. But he told himself not to do it, to not ruin things. If he ruined this, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

He passed the water bottle over to him. "Alright. Have a good night Jon. Tomorrow is going to be a new day for us." He squeezed Jon's hand before forcing himself to pull away and head out into the living room.

He pulled out some of his pajamas and changed into them, thankful for something much more comfortable. He had brought some of his blankets and pillow, mostly so he didn't have to rely on Jon for it. He brushed his teeth in the bathroom and went to bed, turning off the lights and nestling into his blankets. Tomorrow was going to be a start to their new lives.

Jon got himself ready for bed and made himself as comfortable as he could. The overly oppressive darkness because of his bandages made it a little harder than you'd think to start to drift. Luckily he wasn't too terribly afraid of the dark if anything, the dark sun he had seen was beautiful in a way, but that didn't matter now did it?

He spent a while tossing and turning, drifting in and out of a twilight sleep but otherwise not actually resting. His brain was filled with too many what-ifs. What if he couldn't survive anymore without his connection to The Eye? What if Helen put a door in front of one he wanted to go through? What if any number of the people he'd pissed off came looking for him? What if.... what if ...

All of it just continued to percolate inside of him while Jon was overly aware of how alone he was in his room. Any number of things could be watching him and he'd be none the wiser to it. He couldn't shake the thought and it started to twist and grow in his mind. Four years of paranoia had an effect on someone and now Jon had himself rather worked up and unable to sleep.

Enough was enough. Martin had started so many times he was going to help and all he had to do was ask. That was, of course,  the hard part. Jon didn't like asking for help. He slipped out of bed and carefully shuffled across his room to the door. His hand hesitated on the handle before he took a breath and just had to trust this was the door he thought it to be. Outside of the bedroom he paused, listening carefully. He could hear Martin's soft breathing from the living room where the air mattress was set up. Jon made his way over until he bumped into the mattress with his toes.

"Martin?" Jon wasn't sure the best way to wake him and he didn't want to scare him wither. " Martin " He whispered again but a little more insistent. Jon listened for sounds of the other man stirring and once he was sure Martin was awake he spoke, although his tone was rather sheepish. "I-I can't sleep"

He looked a little bedraggled in the dark. One sleeve of his shirt had shifted exposing a shoulder, his hair was a bit of a mess from tossing and turning. Clearly, he hadn't thought to do anything about it. "Would uh... would you mind sharing a bed until I can fall asleep? I-if it's not asking too much."

Martin also had a bit of a hard time falling asleep. The air mattress he had brought wasn't exactly the most comfortable, but he probably was just not used to it. He would have to get used to it, it was going to be his new normal.

He did eventually manage to get some sleep until the sound of Jon's voice woke him up with a start. He immediately sat up in bed and looked over at the man, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Jon, hey, I'm here, is everything alright?-"

His heart broke in two as he heard Jon ask his question. The man still looked so small and timid, and here he was, asking Martin to come sleep with him like he was a child. Martin got to his feet and tried to comb through some of Jon's hair with his hand.

"Hey, of course, it's no problem," he whispered soothingly as he walked Jon back towards his bedroom. "Your mind keeping you awake?" Jon was famously paranoid and an overthinker, so he assumed that was what was at play here.

While waiting for Martin to reply, Jon rubbed at an arm awkwardly,  somewhat drawn into himself. He felt silly for asking, but being alone gave his mind so much more room to wander. Normally he'd read for a while. Get his brain to focus on something else, but he couldn't do that now. The small library he had amassed in his home was all for naught now. Just decoration since he could not read them anymore. That was something to deal with another day.

Jon gave a small start at Martin touching him. Not that he minded being touched, he just wasn't anticipating it. He had no idea the volume to which his hair had grown in his restlessness. As Martin's hand smoothed his hair back to a more settled position he angled his face in the direction he assumed Martin's was. "I'm sorry... I know it might seem.... odd..." He hadn't shared a bed with someone since he and Georgie broke up years ago. He'd practically forgotten what it was like to share. However, another person seemed better than the void of an empty room.

As Martin guided him he started back for the bedroom. He knew the steps fairly well by memory. Many sleepy nights of coming out for extra water and shuffling back to bed had come in handy. Jon gave a heavy sigh. "Yeah, that is it. Too much to think about. Not to mention I am very aware of this." He gave a vague motion to the bandages. "Hard to distract yourself from this sort of thing." He bumped into the side of the bed while talking but didn't throw himself odd balance. He carefully reached down and felt out where he was on the bed before crawling back in to get comfortable on his preferred side.

"You don't have to apologize, Jon," Martin stressed, squeezing his arm reassuringly. "This is all still really new for the both of us, but especially you. The change is going to take time to get used to, and I'm here to help you, alright?"

He let go of Jon as he climbed into the bed. It suddenly hit Martin that he was about to share a bed with Jon, the man he has had a crush on for a very long time. He suddenly felt nervous, but he took a deep breath and climbed into the bed anyway.

He was a little surprised that Jon's bed could fit the both of them, but he decided not to dwell on it. He left some space between him and Jon, not wanting to press too close and cross a line.

"It's going to be alright, Jon. I promise." He once again brushed some of Jon's hair out of his face. "Hopefully now you'll be able to get some sleep. Wake me up if you need anything, okay?"

"Right, but...as an adult I should be able to sleep in my own bed." He didn't argue too much, though. True to form Jon was overthinking things again.

Lucky for Martin Jon could no longer see how bright the other man flushed at the idea of sharing a bed with his crush. So Jon set about making himself comfortable. Blanket ended up pulled up to his chin as he curled up on his side. At one point he had been a back sleeper but lost his taste for it after being flay on his back in a coma for 6 months.

Once again, as Martin was soothing his hair, the ex-archivist subconsciously leaned a little into the other's touch. "I promise I'll wake you if I need anything." He murmured, a little bit of tiredness entering his voice.  Surprisingly it didn't take him all that long to fall back asleep. He simply needed to know someone was there who could help keep him safe.

Jon's breathing slowly shifted into a steady sigh every now and again as he drifted off. It was long after Jon fell asleep that he shifted a bit. Jon had always been a heat seeker. The man was usually cold more often than not. This resulted in him shifting closer to Martin in his slumber and eventually, he turned over to face the other man and ended up tucking himself into Martin, one hand coming to curl itself into his nightshirt.

Martin watched Jon carefully to make sure that he fell asleep. Jon had only looked more and more tired the past few months because of everything that he had gone through. He hoped that now that they were out of there, Jon could get some proper rest. He also hoped that he could get some rest as well.

He was just about to drift off again when he felt Jon move closer. Before he could even process what was happening, Jon was curled up against him. Martin was a little bit in shock, his face quickly turning red. It felt like he was doing something wrong, he felt like that maybe he didn't deserve this, considering how he kept pushing Jon away the last few months.

But he wasn't going to push Jon away now. So he carefully wrapped his arms around the man and pulled him in closer, holding onto him tight. He was never going to let go of Jon again. And he hoped that maybe it wouldn't be embarrassing in the morning.

Chapter Text

Jon slept well for the first time in years. When Martin's arms came around him he gave the softer coo of a sound of contentment. These were sides of Jon he usually never let people see, however, they were hard to hide when you were not conscious.

By the time morning came, Jon was half on top of Martin, his face tucked up against the other man's chest, one hand loosely holding onto his nightshirt. The light didn't get to him, but his internal clock hadn't quite been thrown off yet so he still stirred with the morning light. A sharper breath was drawn through his nose as consciousness returned to him.

Jon lifted his head, still groggy from waking. A yawn passed through him, causing a small stretch and shake as he was willing himself more away. It was about then that he realized he was not resting on the mattress. His hand patted around Martin's chest for a moment until he fully came online to where he was. " Oh God. " Jon quickly pulled himself back and tried to give some space between the two of them. However, in his panic of embarrassment, he almost backed himself straight off the bed. When his hand went behind him to scramble back across the bed and was met with nothing but air he slipped back but only ended up on the bed itself, half off of it. " Fuck "

So much for trying not to wake Martin.

Martin couldn't remember the last time he slept so well. He wasn't sure if it was just the fact that he was no longer tied to the Institute, or that he was with Jon of all people. But for the first time in a long time, he got some proper rest.

He probably would've slept in later as well, if it wasn't for Jon shifting in his arms. He wasn't fully awake but he wanted to try and keep Jon in his arms. But he did wake up when Jon moved away from him and nearly fell off the bed.

Martin sat up instantly. "Oh shit, sorry Jon, did I accidentally push you off?" He decided not to comment about the fact that the two were cuddling each other the entire night, lest he make things more awkward than they already were. He leaned over to grab Jon and help him back onto the bed, checking him over to make sure he didn't accidentally hurt himself.

Flat on his back with his head hanging off the bed Jon just sighed deeply. "No, you didn't." He looked and sounded resigned to his current situation. When he felt Martin move to help him up he accepted it and righted himself in the bed. "...sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Although it was a touch harder to tell when Jon was blushing due to a darker complexion than Martin, it was rather clear his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.

Jon was trying not to acknowledge he had been asleep practically on top of Martin. He also didn't want to acknowledge how nice it had been to wake up in someone's arms. Or how much he wanted to be back there. He hadn't felt that safe in years.

Seated in bed again, he pulled his legs to cross them and let his hands rest in his lap. Jon started to speak but fell into a deep yawn and gave his head a small shake, messy hair falling over his shoulders. "Sorry... still getting myself together. I uh.... thank you, again for erm... staying. I slept better than I have in a long time now." He paused, biting at his bottom lip while he tried to figure out how to navigate this awkward situation. "I hope you were comfortable enough. Georgie always said for someone so small I managed to take the whole bed."

Martin was also a bit red with embarrassment, although Jon obviously couldn't see it. When he looked at Jon to see his blush of embarrassment, he couldn't help but feel a little relieved. They both were still trying to figure it all out. "It's okay, Jon, I was already starting to wake up anyway." It was mostly the truth, the light had also woke him but it was Jon's rustling that woke him as well.

He also tried not to talk about how that was his best night of sleep in months. About how he loved having Jon in his arms. About how he wanted to keep Jon there forever.

Martin chuckled a bit. "You didn't take up that much room, don't worry," he reassured, placing a hand on Jon's hand and squeezed it. "And of course, it wasn't a problem. You're going through a lot, and like I keep saying, I'm going to be here every step of the way." He almost kissed Jon's forehead. Almost.

"I was thinking about making breakfast if you're in the mood for it?" He wanted to get some energy in him, but also in Jon. He can only imagine how wiped he must feel. "I can't even remember the last time you ate and well, since you can't survive off of the... other things anymore..."

Why was Jon so embarrassed? Why did it make his heart feel like it was doing gymnastics that he woke up in Martin's arms? Why did it feel so right ? Surely it was just newfound freedom. Surely nothing more than that....surely...

He pushed those thoughts aside. Even if Martin was interested he doubted he could provide what the man needed. He couldn't for Georgie so why would this be any different? Best not to even entertain the idea. Even if it did sound nice.

And then Martin's hand was on his again. He found his fingers curling around the other man's hand once they connected. It had become reassuring since Martin had done this several times since Jon had blinded himself. "You say it as if you haven't been going through a lot, too." He paused, had he felt Martin close to his head? Was that right? Must have been a trick of the bandaging.

"I uh.." He paused considering the last time he had food and.... couldn't properly recall. He'd had tea a few times but not any sustenance that wasn't old statements. "Breakfast is probably a good idea. I'm not sure what I have though."

Martin would come to find that Jon's flat was devoid of most things needed to cook. He wasn't very good at it and he hadn't needed to for a while. Most of the time he was at work and otherwise he was too preoccupied to think about what he wanted to eat.

Jon started to move to get out of bed. He was a little handsy with following the bed and then drifting over until he found the wall, fingers tracing along until they hit the door. Then it was shifting along that until he found the handle to open. As soon as it was pulled back they were greeted with loud and instant meows from Ampersand who had been waiting on the other side.

Martin grimaced for a moment. It was true, he had been going through a lot as well. He had been slowly going towards the Lonely because of Peter Lukas' antics. He still needed to process all of that, but he could do it later. He wasn't alone, and he wasn't going to be alone ever again.

Martin was quick to get up and go to Jon's side. He knew that Jon could walk by himself, but he still didn't want him to go anywhere by himself. Not yet at least. "Here, Jon, let me help."

He gently guided Jon towards the living room and had him sit down on the couch. "Sorry, the kitchen table is full of some of my stuff. Let me clean it up and then I'll see what you have, alright?" He squeezed Jon's hand and moved to the kitchen.

He immediately had the kettle going for tea and rummaged around in Jon's fridge and pantry to see what he had. It was frustratingly low on everything. Martin made a note to go shopping later. There was some bread in the freezer and some jam in the fridge though, so he tossed the bread in the toaster for now.

He began to organize all of the medication and ointments and all the other things the doctors gave him. It would be best to keep these in the bathroom and bedroom but he can move them there later. Food was the first priority.

Jon sighed quietly as Martin came to assist him. He was pretty sure he could make it through his own home, but he didn't fight it. Not yet. Martin was probably just overly cautious because this was new to them both. Not just the injury but Martin being in his flat. It had been quite some time since Jon lived with another person properly.

He let Martin lead him to the couch and that was where he sat. Jon liked the corner seat that he tucked himself into moat nights to read. If Martin hadn't moved anything on the couch there was a little nest of pillows Jon tended to perch in, and that was where he found himself rearranging pillows to make himself comfortable.

"I never would have known if you didn't tell me." He tried to face Martin as best he could while they talked. Sometimes he got it right, Sometimes he was off by a few inches.

As he heard the kettle get filled he offered some help. "There is a small three-drawer organizer on the counter. Tea bags are in there. If you want loose tea that's in the pantry." Jon had a few varieties but he doubted enough for Martin's taste.  "I'm sorry there isn't much here." It was something that he hadn't thought much about, just how little he had been eating and specifically what that meant.

"Are you sure you don't want me to help with getting things cleaned up? I might be slow but I think I can figure it out." Maybe he could figure it out. He felt bad just sitting there and listening to Martin work.

Martin found the drawer easily and hunted around in it before pulling out some Earl Grey. It would have to do for now until he could go to the store and get some more things for them. Once the water was done boiling, he poured it into two mugs and let the tea steep.

The toast was ready and he plated it up, putting it on the table. "You don't have to apologize, Jon, I'll just run to the store later. I can also stop by my flat to grab some pots and pans since you don't have many of those." He chuckled. "You've been through hell and obviously 'real food' was the least of your priorities."

He moved back to the living room and sat down next to Jon. "Let's eat first and then we can clean things up, alright? It would be good for you to help me figure out where to put all the meds and things so you can remember where they are, so I don't have to get them for you every time."

He helped Jon stand up. "You didn't have much, so I hope toast and jam is a fine breakfast."

"Food tastes better than fear anyway." It was an attempt at a joke but in a true Jonathan Sims fashion it was almost impossible to tell if he was being serious or not. At least he looked a bit less serious in an oversized t-shirt and sleep trousers.

"I also didn't know you cooked." There was quite a lot about Martin he didn't know. He knew work Martin, not home life Martin. Surely there were differences. He was likely to find out in the coming weeks.

Jon was feeling a little restless just sitting and listening. So to occupy himself he ran his fingers through his hair to tame it a touch before he began a simple three-strand plait over one of his shoulders. It was loose and he had nothing to tie it off with, but it was more to keep his hands busy.

Jon would rise to his feet and let Martin take him over to the table. "Toast is just fine. Honestly, toast and tea is most days."

"I find that I enjoy cooking, it gives me something to do and occupy my mind. And well, I used to cook a lot for...." Martin didn't finish the sentence. He would rather not dredge up those bad memories right now, and he didn't want to subject any of that to Jon.

He helped Jon sit down at the table and went to fetch the mugs of tea. He sat the mugs and plates down on the table. "The plate is right in front of you, and the mug of tea is to your right. Once we're done eating, we can set up the medicine and other things around the house, alright?"

Martin started eating. The breakfast was simple and plain, but it still felt good to have some actual food in him. The tea could be better, but he can grab his good things from his apartment later when he goes out.

"Right..." Jon filled in where Martin left off. He had a sudden pang of guilt remembering that Martin's mother passed while he was in a coma. He should have been there to help Martin through that. But that was the past, and he hadn't been there.

Once sat and with his breakfast in front of him he slowly reached his hands out to find the plate and then over to the mug. Once he had a better idea he nodded, more to himself than anything. He then went back to the plate to pick up the toast and take a bite.  

"Yes we can do that. I'd like to be able to get what I need myself." Although, how he was going to tell the difference, he didn't know. They would figure it out.

"You know, we should probably get a key made for you. I probably shouldn't have to go everywhere with you. I'm sure you are still going to want some time to be on your own." There was an unspoken suggestion that Martin may want a break or time away from Jon.

"I can go do that today if you want, just to make things easier," Martin offered as he quickly finished his toast. He didn't realize just how hungry he was until he finally started eating. He got up to put some more bread in the toaster.

"I-I mean, I hope you don't mind that I go run some errands today. I'd hate to leave you all by yourself but I can tell you don't exactly want to go out right now. And I don't blame you." Martin hated the idea of leaving Jon alone for any period of time, but unfortunately, he had errands to run.

Martin grabbed the new toast and ate it quickly. "Whenever you feel ready, we can organize the meds. You're probably due to take some as well. I need to take some of my own meds as well." He chuckled.

Jon was also realizing he felt hungry as well. He didn't even remember the last time he felt hungry for food over a particularly traumatic and fresh statement. This was truly a good sign and he never thought he'd be so thankful for jam on toast.

"O-oh. No, of course that makes sense." He quickly took another bite of his toast before placing it back on the place and reaching for his tea. He was conflicted. He didn't want to leave the house with how he looked. He didn't want to feel people's eyes on him. For all he knew any of them could be Elias. But he also just said that he wanted Martin to have an option for alone time.

Was he already being too much? Christ he was, wasn't he? Taking a sip of his tea to clear his mouth, Jon spoke. "That makes perfect sense. You needed to get your things and...we probably could use some food. It couldn't take you all that long and I will..." He trailed off having no idea what he'd do. Normally he'd read...or go to work. Neither was an option. Jon forced a smile "I'll be fine. Can't take more than an hour or two I imagine."

After finishing off his toast Jon held his mug between his hands, enjoying the warmth radiating off of it. "I didn't know you had medication." It was not judgemental as much as it was an observation. There was no way to casually ask people what meds they had.

Martin walked back over to Jon, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I shouldn't be gone for too long, alright? It's just some errands, i will be back as soon as possible, okay? You don't need to worry." Even though he couldn't see Jon's eyes, he could tell that the man's mind was going a mile a minute right now.

"If you want, I can download some audiobooks for you. Or find a podcast or two for you to listen to while I'm gone. Just so you don't have to listen to your thoughts the entire time." He always knew Jon was a bookworm, and he could imagine that not having sight was a big blow to all that. "And besides, I think Ampersand would love the company after being ignored for two days."

At the mention of the medication, Martin hesitated for a moment. He decided not to tell everything just yet. "Most people take medication nowadays. I mainly take some to manage my anxiety and my depression. Also just general vitamins." He was leaving out one important thing, but he didn't feel like discussing it right now.

That was the thing. Jon was always worried. He had gotten really good at worrying. He wasn't about to tell Martin that though.

Poor Ampersand. He didn't mean to ignore the cat for a couple of days. That reminded him "By the way, his food is under the sink, he probably needs it topped off. He likes to leave about three pebbles and look sad about it." The cat himself was nearby giving Martin slow blinks.

At the idea of audiobooks, Jon perked up a little "Actually those are both good ideas. I have an app on my phone but...well... I can't see the touch screen." Nor did he know how to turn on the accessibility options on his phone for vocal read-out. Lucky for him anyone who would text him probably knew what happened by now. Maybe not Georgie. Depends on if Melanie told her.

Jon finished off his toast while listening to the talk of medication. He slid the plate back slightly when he was finished and went about drinking the last of his tea. "That's valid. I probably should be on something for anxiety,  but if I began to tell a therapist what we've been through... I think I'd end up hospitalized. Who would believe half of it?" Jon didn't think to press, although it did feel like something was left out.

He pushed his chair back and got to his feet. "Let's go set up the medication so you can do your chores." The sooner that started the sooner Martin would be back.

"Ah, thanks for telling me. Maybe that's why they've been extra grumpy lately." Martin chuckled a little as he went under the sink to grab the food. He went over to fill up Ampersand's bowl, and the cat immediately ran over and began eating happily.

Martin smiled a little as he saw Jon get happy at the idea of an audiobook. "If you want, I can set up the settings on your phone and download a few books for you. Is there any specific book you'd like to listen to?" He knew Jon was a bit of a bookworm, but he wasn't sure what kind of books he liked.

He walked over and grabbed the plate from in front of Jon. "Yeah.... You've been through a lot more than the rest of us combined. I don't know if any doctor would believe you. But you deserve to get help. Maybe in the future, we can figure something out. The doctors did mention something about a therapist, probably so you can deal with the trauma of the whole... blinding thing."

Martin grabbed all the medication and moved next to Jon, lightly holding onto his elbow and leading him back to the bedroom and towards the bathroom. "We can set them up, yeah. We can figure out a system so you know which is which, how about that?"

Ampersand was weaving through Martin's legs while waiting to be fed. He even once stood up on his back legs while his front paws stretched up Martin's leg to encourage him to move faster. Ampersand knew that if he was cute he could get what he wanted. At least that worked with Jon, why would this human be different?

"I read a lot of nonfiction, I don't mind fiction though, but I find it hard to get a truly unique plot line. If it's fiction I usually prefer mysteries and thrillers, although I feel like I've been living one of those lately...." it was so strange to not need to get to work and learn more about what was going on. To say Jon wasn't curious what the plan was would be a lie. He knew that he shouldn't see it come to life though. Whatever it was involving him was going to be bad and he was tired of being a puppet.

At least when Jon stood up he was beginning to wait for Martin to come lead him. Not that he couldn't do it himself, but so far Martin had very much wanted to help. Once in proximity Jon took ahold of the other and followed to the bathroom.

"I think we can probably line them up on the wall next to the sink. We will be using them for a bit so leaving them out should be fine." His hands slowly reached out to the counter. He felt his way along to the side wall nearest the shower and made sure it was clear. He knocked into a small bottle of beard oil that he simply pushed back a bit. "There, that should be enough room? Maybe? How much medication did they give me?"

"Yeah, we have been living a thriller lately," Martin stated with a chuckle, trying to use the humor to distract the both of them. He did not have the energy to think about what had happened the last few weeks. "I'll find a few books for you, alright?"

They reached the bathroom and Martin put the stuff on the counter. "They gave you a lot of different things, but there should be enough room on the counter. I can put my things in the drawers so all of your things can be on the counter, that way you can easily find them."

Martin had put most of his things in the drawers anyway, especially his medication and his testosterone. He didn't want Jon to accidentally find the needles and hurt himself. "They're mostly antibiotics and pain meds, as well as some ointments. I also have some bandages in one of the drawers, for when we need to change them."

Martin set the medication down on the counter. "When I'm at the store, I can grab, like, a few different things that we could put on the bottles so you know what's what. Like some little dots or puff balls or whatever." He squeezed Jon's arm reassuringly. "Whatever makes it easier for you."

"Fortunate for you, Audio books are slower than my reading pace usually, so you'll have more time that way, if I'm being honest." Jon could tear through a book. If you gave him the time he could probably finish a couple in a day. Or, could have before.

When Martin said there was an ointment Jon gave a sound of annoyance. He was not a fan of lotions and ointments. They just had a bad feeling. He remembered the gel he had to use on his hand for the burn and it was just unpleasant. Not to mention his time with Nikola. Now ointment for his eyes. He'd do it, but he wasn't about to like it.

"Okay so...I guess pain medication first." He offered a hand for Martin to hand him whatever the pain medication was so he could place it up against the wall as the closest thing since he figured he'd be taking that. Probably should take some now that he ate before the pain greeted him. He'd name out what he was looking for and get them set up as Martin was handing them over.

Jon was none the wiser to Martin's testosterone. Truly Jon wouldn't have even considered it as he never put any more stock into Martin other than him being another man. Jon could be so smart and observant as well as completely oblivious in the same instant.

He turned slightly to face Martin when he was finished setting up the medications. "That... is quite clever actually. I'm not sure what makes it easier. I didn't....actually look into the stuff that happens after, just the best way to uh...do it." He probably should have done that research...

"I can give you my card for the store and oh here..." He paused, reaching into the pocket for his sleep trousers and pulling out his phone. "You wanted to get the audio books on this." He held his mobile out to Martin. "Draw an S shape from the upper right corner of the pattern lock, don't go past the midway point." If Martin did do this he'd see the last thing Jon had up on his phone; a rather lovely candid photo of Martin smiling.

Martin poured out the amount of pills specified and gave them to Jon. "It might be best that we keep these in the bedroom or something, just so it's easier for you to grab rather than having to walk all the way to the bathroom every time you're in pain." He grabbed the glass that was in the bathroom and filled it up with water so Jon could take it with the medication.

Martin could see Jon suddenly go pale at the mention of the ointment, and Martin couldn't help but feel pity. He didn't know much about what Jon had gone through, but he knew that Jon's month with Nikola involved a heavy amount of lotion. Martin would have to be extra careful when it comes to that stuff.

Martin couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Once again, you go into one of your plans without thinking first." He wasn't accusatory or anything, it just is what Jon does nowadays. "It's alright, we can figure out a system when I get back. Something would be easy for you to remember."

Martin took the phone from Jon and unlocked it. He decided not to comment on the fact that it was a picture of him. His heart swelled though at the idea that Jon wanted to remember what he looked like. "Do you want to set up shop in the living room or in bed?" He quickly turned on the accessibility settings for reading things aloud and then went to one of the apps Jon had to download some audiobooks.

Jon took his medication dutifully. He figured they probably had to change his bandages tonight. He was a little worried about it. With them on it hadn't been too bad, but when they changed them Martin would get a proper look and would be able to tell him how bad it was. Jon was worried about it but he tried to tell himself that he had enough scars, what would a few more matter.

"I don't mind getting up but we can put them bedside if you think that is best." He had to take the pain medication three times a day and the antibiotics twice. At least to start. It would become less over the following days.

When Martin mentioned him not thinking his plans through Jon practically pouted. He did think it through, just not the after it was done part. However he didn't argue, just made the sour face and moved on. "I think they make little rubber dots for cabinets so they don't slam. Should be cheap and easy to put on the cap or side of the bottle. Maybe that would work?" He had thought about just memorizing where he put things. Not that it was the most practical way to help himself.

Jon had forgotten the picture of Martin had been pulled up on his phone. A lot had happened between when he last looked at it and now. "Probably the couch. I have a weighted blanket out there and Ampersand likes to sit with me when I have that." There was a single teal blanket that had been folded up on the couch. This was the one he intended to huddle himself under while Martin was gone.

"Let's just keep them in the bathroom then. Since there's so many, it's better to clutter up this counter rather than the one in the bedroom." Martin chuckled as he organized the things on the counter. He made a note to look for some kind of organizer or mini shelf that he could put the medicine in at the store.

Martin immediately regretted his words when he saw Jon's face. He squeezed Jon's arm once again. "Hey, it's okay. I didn't mean anything by it. You were just desperate for a way out, I don't blame you for not preparing completely." He spoke gently, trying to reassure Jon.

He walked Jon out to the living room and had him sit down, unfurling the blanket for him and handing it to him. "I downloaded a few books for you that I saw on your shelves. I'm not sure if you like them but I just thought having ones you've already read before might be better than something completely new." He brushed some of Jon's hair out of his face. "I'm going to go use the bathroom and then head out on the errands, alright?"

Jon made sure he knew where the pain medication was at the very least. He didn't suspect he'd be moving too much from the couch.  It would only be a few hours, Jon reminded himself trying not to get caught up in the idea of being alone.

"You've just spent a lot of time thinking about my plans being half-baked." He was being defensive. Martin was right; Jon was impulsive and sometimes only half-cooked an idea.

Jon followed out to the couch and seated himself in his little nest of pillows. While Martin was giving Jon the blanket Ampersand came to rub up against Martin's legs, the cat already purring affectionately as it looked up at the man. Jon took the blanket and spread all 12 pounds of it over his lap. Honestly, he looked fairly cozy. If Martin had ever wondered what a casual at-home Jonathan Sims was, this would be it.

"I've read most of what is on my shelves. If you ever see one you are interested in, be my guest." He had a few different bookshelves that were pretty much filled. Even though it had only been 24 hours or so, he was finding comfort in the way Martin fixed his hair or squeezed his hand. It made sitting in the dark a little less lonely in a way.

"I'll be fine." He wasn't sure about that. However, how hard could sitting here for a couple of hours be? There was a soft "Prrtt" given by Ampersand, who jumped up on the couch and seemed determined to open a bakery to make biscuits on the blanket next to Jon's leg. "I also think I'm being hired to help him in his work."

Martin went to the bathroom to freshen up. He was starting to feel a little bit dirty but didn't want to take a full shower yet. He hadn't even brought his stuff for one, they were still sitting in his car. But he still washed his face, brushed his teeth, and took his testosterone.

He moved back to the bedroom to change clothes. As much as he would love to go out in pajamas, it probably wasn't a great idea since he was going to be doing a lot of walking around and lifting. He grabbed one of the comfier shirts he had and pulled on some jeans.

His backpack was still on the kitchen table, so he went out and grabbed it. When he returned to the living room, he saw Jon sitting there with Ampersand in his lap, pawing away into his leg. Martin couldn't help but chuckle. "Looks like you can't move anywhere now," he joked.

"I'm going to head out on those errands. I'll be back in an hour or two alright?" He ran a hand through Jon's hair and, without thinking, pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Don't miss me too much."

It wasn't until he got out of the flat and into his car that he realized what he had done. He shoved his face in his hands. "Oh god, what did I just do?"

Chapter Text

Jon had raised a hand to scratch near the base of Ampersand's tail, which responded by whipping around wildly as he purred and kneaded Jon's leg. He occasionally gave a soft "ah" in mild pain as the cat's claws got a little too deep. "Hey now, someone needs their nails clipped." He murmured to the cat.

He never intended to keep Ampersand, just wanted to give the creature a place to be while they dealt with the...bug problem left by Jane. And then when it was safe Jon had gotten so used to the companionship that he just gave up on the idea. Besides, Ampersand seemed to be more than content to be an indoor cat with how affectionate he'd become.

"No, I don't think I'm allowed to. He's pretty bossy you'll come to find. He's gotten into yelling at me to go out to smoke so he could be outside." He chuckled and shook his head. Jon probably spent far too much time talking to the cat, but he lived alone so who else would he talk to?

Jon had partially leaned into Martin's hand again but stopped when he felt the warmth of his lips against the exposed portion of his forehead. Jon sat there silent and stunned until the door closed.

He straightened himself up and turned his head towards the door. His mind was reeling with whether that was intentional or a reflex or something else entirely. He could feel how hot his face had grown and why did his stomach suddenly feel this way? Surely Martin didn't.... could he?

The next couple of hours were surely going to be interesting. So much for not getting lost in his thoughts. At least they were now about if Martin liked him like that . Surely he couldn't, not after years of Jon being as mean as he had been. Why would Martin be interested in someone like him anyway?

Martin was yelling at himself on the way to the grocery store. S tupid stupid stupid , how could he be so stupid and do such a thing? How could he jeopardize his whole relationship with Jon and then just, leave? Why didn't he stop himself?

His mind was going a mile a minute as he reached the grocery store. He scanned the aisles for a bunch of the essentials: milk, eggs, fresh bread, and fruit. He wanted to make sure Jon was eating properly now that he had to in order to survive.

What if Jon didn't want him around anymore? What if Jon wasn't someone else to take care of him? What if Jon didn't feel the same way?? All these questions and more plagued Martin's mind as he grabbed a bunch of other things and headed to the checkout.

He debated texting Jon, but his anxiety had him in a chokehold, so he decided not to. He left the store and headed back to his own flat, planning on picking up a few more things before returning to Jon. He was terrified of what might happen, so he stayed out a little longer.

Jon was lost in a whirlwind of confusion and questions. He'd never considered dating Martin. Well...that was a lie, as of late it had passed his mind. Since Martin had become more absent from working with Peter Lukas Jon found his thoughts turning to his Coworker more and more often. He just didn't let himself entertain it for very long.

After his last relationship ended, he felt he wouldn't be able to provide for people the way they needed him to. What if he couldn't give Martin what he needed? What if, like Georgie, he ended up offended if Jon just didn't need or want anything for himself? Clearly, with her, it had been a misunderstanding and Jon not being able to communicate well enough that he was happy to make sure she was pleased. Christ, why did he have to be like this?

Getting too lost in his thoughts, Ampersand made himself known by headbutting Jon right in the chin before beginning to try and groom Jon's bears. He shook his head out of it and raised a hand to find the cat's head and give him some chin scratches.

There was so much to consider here. It was probably best if he just talked to Martin about it. Did he accidentally insinuate something by asking Martin to share his bed? By sleeping on top of him ? It hadn't been intentional, although he had been ridiculously comfortable and felt probably the safest he had in years.

Now the hard part. Waiting for Martin to get back.

Martin went around his flat to grab the last few things that he needed to bring over. Although he might have to bring it back if Jon didn't want him there anymore. Martin couldn't bear the thought, but it stuck to him like a piece of tape.

He cared deeply about Jon. Yeah, his crush had always been a thing, but it wasn't until recently that he felt more heavily about Jon. That he loved him. It was hard to admit it but he was done hiding from it anymore: he loved Jonathan Sims.

There were a myriad of different situations that made Martin fall in love, and he was not going to deny that anymore. He put everything into his car and began to drive back. He tried his best to keep the worst-case scenario thoughts out of his head. He just had to hope that maybe, just maybe, Jon felt the same.

He hesitated outside of Jon's door for a few moments before steeling his resolve and opening it. "I-I'm back, Jon." He couldn't hide the nervousness in his voice. "Let me put these things away and then.... we can talk."

Jon's head lifted and he gave a small nod and a "Welcome back." He was anxious himself because he had spent the last forty-five minutes trying to figure out how to talk about this and what he wanted to say. Why was that now doubled when Martin said he wanted to talk?

Well, the only way through was forward as it seemed.

He waited while Martin was finishing and Jon felt he should be helping. He couldn't help but imagine Martin organized differently from himself. He supposed it didn't matter so much because he wasn't going to see any of it.

Once it sounded like groceries and such were put away he cleared his throat. "So...uh..." why was his mouth so dry now? "Did you.... did you mean to kiss me before you left?" He wasn't upset about it. Far from it. He was just still afraid to admit he did have a romantic interest in Martin. Mostly because he feared being a disappointment.

Martin had been formulating a whole plan. He was going to talk, to apologize, to figure it all out between them. That's what was going through his head as he put all the stuff away in the cupboards and fridge. He would have to tell Jon where they were later.

As soon as he returned to the living room, his entire plan was thrown out the window when Jon spoke first. Martin found himself suddenly flustered and unable to form his words.

He took a deep breath as he sat down on the couch next to Jon, putting space between them even though he didn't want to. "I.... it wasn't entirely intentional but, I've wanted to do it for quite some time. I just always held myself back."

He tried not to get emotional and start crying, but he could feel the tears coming anyway. "Still, I'm sorry Jon, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that without asking, I didn't even know if you would be okay with it and I just, went and fucked it all up. I-if you want me to go or whatever I completely understand, I'm so sorry." He had to stop himself from hyperventilating.

Jon turned his body to face Martin. Sure he couldn't see the other, but it felt weird to not face the person he was talking to. Even weirder not to me eye contact after quite some time of having an intense stare.

He listened as Martin babbled and over-explained. Honestly, it was cute. He even let himself keep that thought. A small smile found his lips. "I didn't mind it actually." He left a small pause before continuing. "I also don't want you to leave."

Jon gave a small sound of annoyance before moving the weighted blanket off of himself and turning to sit cross-legged on the couch and face Martin fully. He was not the most graceful, but he made it work.

"I'm uh-" he looked a little sheepish, even with his eyes covered up. One hand raised to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck. "I'm not opposed, you know...." He doubled back realizing that may not be clear. "I-if you are interested. In me. Like that ."

God, he was making a fool of himself. Just say what you mean Jonathan.  "I just don't want to be a disappointment to you. I...uh may not be able to... provide? Everything you want?"

Martin was babbling more and more apologies until he stopped when Jon spoke. He didn't mind that it happened and he... liked it? Martin almost couldn't wrap his head around it but here was Jon, sitting across from him and admitting that he liked Martin.

"I uh... really?" Martin said in disbelief. "I-I mean uh.... yeah, Jon. I like you. I like you a lot . You mean everything to me." He didn't say the big L word yet, he didn't want to overwhelm the man.

He scooted closer to Jon and grabbed his hand, giving it a quick squeeze. His previous plan of not saying the word went out the window. "Jon. I love you. I love you for who you are. It doesn't matter that you're blind now, I still love you. You provide me happiness and joy, and that is enough. Just because you can't see doesn't mean I love you any less. We can figure this out together."

"Really," Jon replied simply, honestly. He wished he could see Martin's face. He would put good money on it being good. The small smile he had been sporting grew a little.

Another small start at his hand being grabbed suddenly but he relaxed into it easily enough. His hand closed around Martin's and somehow this time felt a little different. Less hesitant and unsure than before. Despite the bandages the admission of love did earn Martin a look of surprise, half covered as it was.

He couldn't stay surprised too long as he began to laugh. At first, it was quiet but it grew a little as Martin continued. "No, no it isn't about being blind now Martin." He raised his free hand to cover his mouth for a moment while he was composing himself. "That's not what I meant. I'm…. I’m ace. It… was kind of why my relationship with Georgie ended..."

Martin couldn't help but blush a bit, even though Jon couldn't see it he still was trying to hide it out of habit. He watched Jon's smile grow and he smiled too. He couldn't believe that this was happening right now.

Martin was at first caught off guard by Jon's laugh, thinking he had messed up. But then when Jon spoke further, he softened. He took Jon's hand and pressed a featherlight kiss to it, squeezing it gently.

"That doesn't matter to me, Jon. I wasn't going into this expecting sex to be on the table. And I'm fine if it isn't. Whatever makes you comfortable and happy. I love you, Jon. Being ace doesn't change that, not one bit. I'm sorry to hear that's why your past relationship ended, but it isn't a dealbreaker for me. Okay?"

Jon continued to smile when Martin kissed his hand. He squeezed Martin's hand. He thought it was sweet. Jon was a rather romantic person himself, but that wasn't so easily gleaned from the type of person he was. It was something he kept incredibly private.

He seemed to relax a little when Martin said he wasn't expecting sex. He gave a nod to being told it wasn't a deal breaker. "I'm not sex-repulsed, by the way. I just don't think about it usually. I don't mind... helping?" He felt his cheeks growing warm as well since he was speaking so openly about his preferences.

Martin's face grew warm as well as he heard what Jon said. "I uh- I mean I definitely wouldn't mind, but we can discuss that later, alright?" He didn't know if he could handle talking about that right now with his crush.

Wait, was Jon no longer his crush? Were they... a thing now? That's the next thing he should clarify. "So, Jon... I don't want to assume, so I need to ask. Are we.... are we together now? Do you want us to be.... dating? Boyfriends?" His heart pounded hard in his chest as he asked the most important question of his life.

Jon nodded, honestly flattered Martin had clearly thought about it before. Jon had always found flustered Martin to be rather cute. After all, why would he have teased him so much? He had also been friends with Tim. Some of Jon's mischievous side got pushed down with him trying to be the "boss"

"I mean...if you like. I don't think I'd be able to take you on a date anytime soon." He grinned and bit his bottom lip for a moment. He couldn't help but make another small poke at Martin. "Unless this counts as one of my half-baked plans?"

"We don’t have to go on dates to be dating you know. We just have to be together. And I am never going to leave your side, Jon." Martin's face was bright red, and he was quite thankful that Jon didn't see it.

He took a deep breath and took a risk. It was one of his own half-baked plans, but he didn't care. He placed his hand gently on Jon's face, not wanting to spook him. A few moments later, he leaned in and kissed him properly.

It was slow, and cautious, Martin not wanting to make it too intense for the both of them. He squeezed Jon's hand with his other hand as he pulled back. "Well, that was one of mine, so I think we're even."

"I suppose that is very true. It's been...almost five years for me? There about." Jon smiled, his head tilting in what he hoped was the direction needed to "look" at Martin. "I'm glad to hear that. I, well, I had started to really miss you. You felt so distant."

He was confused to feel hands on his face and only had enough time to give a soft "Oh?" Before he felt Martin's lips on his own. It was only a moment before Jon not only returned the kiss but did so quite emphatically. He leaned himself forward into the kiss, his hands coming to curl themselves into Martin's shirt.

Martin may have been cautious but there was something almost hungry in the way Jon had returned the kiss. The man gave a small laugh through his nose. "I suppose we can call it even. And now we don't have to worry about an HR violation.... although I don't think we even had a proper HR department."

Martin was a bit surprised by the intensity of Jon, but he was not going to complain. He leaned into it just for a few more moments before the two had to part ways.

Martin laughed. "Yeah, I highly doubt it. If we did, I never saw them." He smiled wide as he held on tight to Jon's hand. He couldn't believe that this was real, that this was their reality now. He was now dating Jonathan Sims. It just didn't feel real.

At the mention of him being distant, he grew still. "Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry, Jon. For being so distant. Especially during your time of need. I wish I was there to help you, but..." Peter was persuasive, and Martin had his plans for what he wanted to do.

Jon loosed his hands from Martin's shirt and sat back before pushing a hand back through his hair to resettle it. This was not where he thought they would be on day two of being out of the institute. Were they being rash? Better yet, did he care if they were? Not particularly.

Jon quickly shook his head as Martin talked about his time of need. "I was literally in a coma from an explosion that killed your coworker and your mother passed while I was in hospital as well. I wasn't there for you when you needed someone." Not that he had all that much control in the coma. Just the choice to live.

"What was Peter Lukas having you look into? He seemed to have more... I don't know, focus than Elias? Or at least it was easier to see he had something he was trying to do."

Martin shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. "I still wasn't there for you! You went through hell the last few months, and I was gone! You got stabbed by Melanie, two bones removed by The Boneturner, hell, you were in the Buried for three days! "

He was crying now. Martin did tend to be a little of a crybaby, but he can't remember the last time he let himself cry like this. Maybe it was the hospital when Jon was in his coma? He wasn't sure anymore.

"I wanted to be there for you, I really did. I wanted to be there to soothe you and get you through it all. But Peter.... he wouldn't let me. He told me that it was a waste of time and that you wouldn't want me there. And you know the worst part?" He choked back a few more sobs. "The smallest, most insecure part of me believed him."

He was clutching the tossed-away blanket, probably getting a horrible amount of snot and tears into it but he didn't care. He needed to let it all out.

Jon sat up a little straighter and reached back out to find Martin again. It took a little longer than he thought as he wasn't as close as he had imagined himself to be. Jon found Martin's knee and rested his hand there. "Hey now..."

He could hear as Martin was getting worked up. The way his breathing caught and his voice wavered. "You can't blame yourself, Martin. Peter Lukas is an avatar of The Lonely for Christ's sake. Of course he wanted you to be alone. He..." he paused,  mouth drawing into a thin line, the idea dawning on as he spoke "He probably was feeding on you, or trying to take you." He couldn't be sure and... well that was a feeling. He wasn’t sure .

"And even though you believed him a little, look where you are now, hm? I do want you here. I'm incredibly relieved you are willing to help me and want anything to do with me. I doubt I'll hear much from Melanie, she hates me. Daisy and Basira aren't exactly my biggest fans. If I hear from Elias I better be able to punch him and... well Georgie probably isn't keen to talk to me too much. I-I really only have you, Martin."

Martin felt guilty for crying like this. Jon had gone through so much worse than him and here the man was comforting him?? It felt wrong in so many ways. He cried harder. "I-I think deep down, I knew Peter wanted to feed off me. Or worse. But I didn't have the power to stop him. Not without risking everything. I wasn't brave enough back then. Hell, I'm still not even brave now."

Martin grabbed Jon's hand and squeezed it hard, holding onto it like a lifeline. "Yeah, I... I guess we really only have each other. I barely talked with the others before I decided to start fraternizing with the Lonely, so..." he let out a small, humorless laugh.

He shifted closer to Jon on the couch, wanting to be nearer to him. "I... I'm not exactly sure what Peter's end goal was. But, he had me looking into some statements. He thought that... there might be a 15th fear."

Jon only felt bad that Martin was crying. He should have done more, and insisted on seeing him more. There was so much of the work at the Institute that kept him focused in what now felt like the wrong direction. He should have noticed Sasha change. He should have listened more to Tim. He should have spent more time with Martin.

He could easily dwell on those sorts of things, or he could be here in the moment. Alive and free. Not to mention newly not single. He was beginning to get used to having his hand grabbed. Usually, he was a little touchy about it, but not with Martin.

"Well, I'm glad to have you. I don't know what his goal was and I don't know what Elias' was either but I don't want- wait did you say a 15th fear?" His head tilted to the side. "More than what Smirke had thought? That's possible? What else could there even be?"

"I was surprised too, but... it might be possible. At least, from what I've read. I didn't get to all of them, but..." Martin took a deep breath as he wiped his tears away. "Adelard Dekker, the hunter?He was looking into it as well. I... I think it's called The Extinction?"

He pressed against Jon, not pulling him into a hug but rather just leaning against him, putting his head on his shoulder. "It has to do with, like, the world ending. apocalypses, post-apocalyptic futures, and such. nuclear destruction, etc. I... it may be real but I'm not quite sure. I don't care anymore."

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dumped all of this like that. You've been going through a lot, you didn't deserve it. Yet again, I can't talk to my therapist about this stuff."

Jon listened and as he felt Martin come to lean on him, his arms moved around the other man. He was honestly quite happy to hold him. He let a hand idly trace over Martin's back while he was listening. Jon was a fairly fidgety person, he liked to have something to do with his hands, and that seemed worse now without his vision.

"I suppose that makes sense. I mean it has become more popular in fiction. The whole "humanity is going to destroy the planet". Although it is hardly a new idea. I wonder what would have made that kick off into being a full-fledged fear of its own instead of just The End or maybe The Desolation?" Jon had always been curious. Probably why The Eye liked him so much. That and he clearly would have the drive to research this himself if he hadn't been overly aware of how much he needed to try and let that go. Some things would have to be unanswered.

"It's fine Martin. Yes, I have been through a lot, but if you haven't noticed yet, I'm pretty resilient. You also have been through a lot. Please stop minimizing your feelings."

Martin closed his eyes and breathed deeply as he felt Jon's arms around him. He felt safe in them, like nothing bad could happen while Jon was holding him. He wanted to stay here forever and never let go. He sniffled as he leaned into the touch.

"I'm not sure, and I don't care enough about it to think about it anymore. I know we can't fully escape The Fears, but I want to try and stop thinking about them every day at least. That's going to be easier said than done but..."

Martin huffed. "You are quite resilient, yeah… Still doesn't stop me from feeling bad though. Guess that's something I need to unpack later." He turned back to Jon. "Are you.... doing okay?"

Jon gave a hum of understanding in response. His hand drew up Martin's back and then ventured into his hair. Huh. It was about as soft as he would have guessed it to be.  "No, I doubt we could fully be rid of it. They are still here pressing in from the margins. I... well I imagine some of them are very angry with me. Not more than  the Watcher, of course." He paused, something icy creeping its way into him. "Not saying they won't come to visit...." his words were soft, tinged with fear of what if. He couldn't even see if someone like Oliver Banks showed up in front of him. He might be able to pick out The Spiral off sound alone, but what about someone like Mike Crew? Manuela Dominguez? He wouldn't have a clue until it was far too late.

"I think aiming to not think about them every day might be a good goal." It was going to be way easier said than done. His life had been dedicated to understanding this since he took the job as the head archivist. "I think we have already given them more than their fair share. We....just need to worry about them trying again. Which they will, but that takes time." Was it really their job to continuously save the world? It sounded exhausting.

When asked if he was okay Jon was quiet for some time as he was thinking. He could easily say yes, as he tended to. "I don't know." He chose honesty. "Probably not really. I mean I... blinded myself. I barely know how to live like that. I am unemployed, and can't enjoy my favorite hobby anymore... I could go on but I don't think it would be a good idea." He drew in a longer breath and let it back out. "But I do have a boyfriend now, so, that's good."

Martin leaned into the hand in his hair. It was soft and grounding, just what he needed after breaking down like that. "We may have severed our ties but we are still connected, yeah. I... I doubt I will be able to get rid of the Lonely that easily. But with you here, hopefully it'll be okay."

Martin frowned at the idea of others coming here. "I... I don't think anyone else would show up. At least, I sincerely hope not. They'd go to the Institute anyway, and you aren't there anymore. But I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. Not again."

"We can try at least. I'm not sure if it's going to work, it'll take time, but... as long as we try together. We are together now, and nothing is going to stop that." He squeezed Jon's hand again.

Hearing Jon call him his boyfriend nearly made him cry again. But he didn't have the energy to do that. He just smiled and pressed a kiss to Jon's cheek. "I'm glad you're my boyfriend, Jon."

Jon continued to pet Martin's hair while they spoke. He hoped it was somewhat soothing at the least. "I carry a bit of a lot of them...well... actually almost all of them isn't it?" He nodded, not letting himself get caught in that thought. "You have to promise to tell me if you feel yourself leaving to it. I...I can't lose you like that. I'm not sure I'd be able to find you if you left."

He wasn't so sure some of the other Avatars wouldn't seek him out, but he didn't want to dwell on those thoughts right now. He'd rather focus on the fact Martin seemed so determined to protect him. It was chivalrous and quite charming.

"Right." He squeezed Martin's hand back and shifted to lace their fingers together. When Martin leaned to kiss his cheek he gave a soft grin. "I'm glad to have you as mine. " He paused for a moment and gave a small sigh. "We probably need to change these bandages don't we? I... honestly don't want to but I don't want an infection more."

"I promise I'm not going to leave you, I swear," Martin reassured, squeezing Jon's hand again. "I'm here with you, I have you. I am not going to be alone again. I won't let the Lonely take me, not if I have anything to say about it." It was probably easier said than done, but he refused to leave Jon alone. He didn't want that to happen ever again.

Martin got up off the couch and helped Jon to his feet. "Yeah, it is time to change them. I know you aren't thrilled, but it's going to help you get better. It's only going to be another week or two anyways."

He walked Jon over to the bathroom, having him sit down on the toilet. "I'm going to take off the bandages and put on the ointment, okay? I know you aren't a huge fan of lotion and similar things, so I'm going to try and make this as fast as possible, okay? Let me know if you need time to process it." He carefully leaned in and took the bandages off of Jon.

Jon's hand tightened around Martin's, almost as if he let go he'd lose him then and there. "That is true. I'm right here with you.  Much harder for me to go anywhere as well."

Jon unfolded his legs and stood up. He shimmered his way around the coffee table and started back to the bedroom. He moved a bit slower, even with Martin leading him. He was just worried about running into something even though he had a good idea of what his home layout was.

He seated himself on the toilet and waited. Jon was mentally prepping himself for someone putting something akin to lotion on him. He'd pretty much sworn it off after that month with Nikola. However, Martin was safe and this was to fix the damage he caused.

"You'll be the first to see what it's looking like under there." He waited as Martin removed the bandages. Jon gave a few small sounds of annoyance as medical tape pulled a little around the softer skin near his eyes. When they were off he blinked a few times adjusting to the feeling and the fact he could perceive the light, which felt all too bright.

His eyes were still green, although a milky sort of film seemed to be over them now. For the time being his eyelashes were gone. Who was to say if they could grow back or not? It was his eyelids that took most of the damage, the skin was puckered in a way that would surely scar, but overall, Jon managed to keep the damage pretty much contained.

Jon could perceive the light of the bathroom and occasionally the shape of Martin moving around, but it was so blurry that he was only able to gather it was Martin because he had walked in here with the man. "Does it look really bad?"

When Martin saw the damage, he wasn't sure how to feel. At first, he felt pity and sadness. Because he hated the idea of Jon being hurt in any way. And the wounds, while minimal, still did not look good to him. But they were also a sign that Jon was free from the Fears.

"It's a little bad yeah, but all the damage is mostly contained to your eyes at least. It's not all over your face. Your eyelashes are gone, and your eyelids don't look great, they will probably scar. As for your eyes...."

Martin bent down to look at them. "Well, I can still see the green underneath, but there's a film over it. At least that's how I would describe it. I'm assuming you can't see much. We can find out in a few weeks just how bad the damage is."

He grabbed the ointment and a new set of bandages and stood in front of Jon. "Okay, I'm going to start now, alright? Let me know if you want me to stop at any moment. You're safe, you're in control of the situation." He gave Jon a reassuring kiss before he got to work.

Jon tried to keep his eyes just forward but he felt like squirming a little while being scrutinized so closely. He knew Martin wasn't going to judge him for it. Truly it would be easy to think Jon maybe didn't care considering the scars he carried. Truth be told he was actually quite self-conscious about what he looked like.

He was so vastly different than he was when he first accepted the job as Head Archivist. Where he had started out as put together and groomed, he now was scarred, terribly thin, and overall bedraggled. He had often avoided mirrors as of late. That shouldn't be a problem anymore.

"No, I can't see. I... can tell there is a light on. It's...too bright. I can see you moving around a little but that's more that I can tell there is something solid. I just happen to know it's you." He nodded as Martin said he was going to start and he simply shut his eyes since that was the skin that needed the treatment.

He gave a surprised sound at the kiss and returned it. Oh, he could get used to that. It had been ages since he had felt wanted . As Martin got started he naturally pulled back the first time his eyes were touched, despite how gently it was done. He drew in a breath and tensed his shoulders a little to get himself through it.

"You're okay, just breathe for me Jon," Martin soothed, stopping for just a moment to give Jon some time to process. "I know this is unpleasant, but it's only going to be for a little while longer, okay? I've got you, you're safe."

Martin was slow and gentle, stopping every time Jon tensed up to give him time to process. He can't imagine how hard this must be for him right now. Jon hadn't spoken much about his various experiences, but Martin at least knew he hated lotion after spending time with Nikola. Martin always wanted to ask Jon about what happened, but there was never enough time for it. And it was something heavy that Jon wouldn't like to share.

"Alright, it's done, it's over. You did so good for me Jon," Martin praised as he put the ointment away and grabbed the bandages. He carefully wrapped it around Jon's eyes once again.

"No, I know. I just... " He sighed, pausing while Martin was adding some of the ointment to his face. He did look a little pallid, but it did bring back some not-so-pleasant memories. "I think you'd feel the same if you were being forcibly moisturized so you could be peeled ." He wrinkled his nose a little at his echoing of what Nikola's plans were. "I know you aren't doing that though. You wouldn't hurt me." That last sentence was more for himself than Martin.

His hands had curled rather tightly into his sleep trousers that he never got out of. It was just a little longer to endure flashes of Nikola undressing him to put lotion over his torso. She had taken time to make sure his face was covered as well, remarking it needed extra work because of the scars he already had.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Martin pulled back. It wasn't the other man's fault. Jon hadn't ever talked about the details of what happened there. They had been so busy preparing for the Unknowing and then...well there was Tim and he had been in a coma. When he woke up again practically everyone was mad at him. When did he have time to talk about it? Who would listen to him anyway?

It was Martin telling him he had done so well that pulled him back out of his thoughts. Why did the way Martin said that make his breath catch for a moment? Why did it send a shiver down his spine? Why did his cheeks feel warm? Why did he want to hear it again ? He realized his mouth had fallen slightly opened and he quickly shut it and cleared his throat

Jon was a little disappointed to be plunged back into darkness but the bandages were still needed. Even just the pure air against his face had hurt a bit. Once the bandages were back on he physically relaxed a bit more.

Martin grimaced as he heard Jon talk about what had happened. He knew it was bad, but still hearing it from the man made his heart hurt. "It's okay, you don't need to explain yourself. I can tell it's a lot for you. You don't have to tell me, but if you ever want to, I'm here for you."

He ran a hand up and down Jon's arm to reassure him. "It's all over. We will change it again in two days but for now you're done. Just breathe for me Jon, you did well. You were really brave, thank you for trusting me." He gave Jon another kiss, reassuring and slow.

He helped Jon to his feet. "Do you want to head back to the couch or go to bed? I'm not sure what else you want to do today, but it can be whatever you want. Consider it a reward for getting through that."

"Oh, I doubt you want to hear about that month. It... was not the best of times, I can tell you that much." He shook off the ghosts of plastic hands on him and blank faces watching. No, Martin didn't want to hear about that. However, the question of whether anyone noticed he was gone or if they were looking for him did gnaw at him. However, Jon feared what the answer could honestly be. He hadn't expected anyone to want to find him then. Maybe those were just The Stranger's words that seemed all too true at the time.

And then Martin continued to praise him. His cheeks seemed to burn hotter to the point Martin was surely aware he was blushing. Why did these words make him feel the need to squirm around and... oh. Luckily Jon's eyes were covered but his brows raised slightly as he realized exactly what that feeling was, which was honestly way more confusing for him than anything.

"I uh..." Jon sounded a little distracted as he shifted slightly in how he was sitting and tried to ignore what his body was trying to do right now. "I'm really not sure, I... didn't think this far ahead in the day."

"I don't mind hearing about it, only if you're willing to tell me," Martin spoke gently as he brought Jon back to the living room and sat him back down on the couch. "I know it was a lot for you, and I just wish I had known about it at the time. But of course Elias didn't see the need to tell us." He spat out the name.

Martin didn't notice how flushed Jon became, he was busy grabbing a new blanket for him since the weighted one was now dirty. "Want me to turn on a tv show or movie? Whatever you want to watch."

Jon was quiet for a few moments. It was a jarring difference to have his body telling him he was turned on and then to talk about horrible trauma. "I... I think I'll wait to share those details. I don't need to upset you more today because you aren't going to like what she did..." maybe one day he'd tell Martin. Maybe he wouldn't. Usually, Jon just tried to forget it happened altogether.

"It makes sense that he wouldn't have said anything..." That felt like confirmation that no one was looking for him, which sat like lead in his gut. He shouldn't have even been surprised. Why would it be any different than any other time in his life? Jon usually only had himself to rely on.

"Watching is relative for me, but we can find something. I don't mind if you pick, just hopefully something that is talking heavy. Unless you were to tell me what is going on." He was probably due for more pain meds and, honestly, a nap. It was likely he'd just fall asleep on Martin when they watched a movie or a show. And yet somehow, he just couldn’t be happier.

Chapter Text

The days came and went as Jon was on his healing process. He was now at a point where his skin was healed enough to not be constantly covered. So while at the optometrist they removed the bandages and did some checks to see how much vision he had retained. With swelling down and most of the injury settled there were tests to go through. 

Overall, the doctors said he was lucky he didn't lose everything or destroy the eye itself, but he was most certainly legally blind. 

Jon had little definition of sight. Just very blurry shapes of light and dark. If there was good lighting and he was close enough he could somewhat tell color but that was all he had. Otherwise, it was blurry and had what looked like a greenish mist around everything. That must be the film Martin described.

Overall he was told he was being quite well, all things considered. He needed to be careful about keeping things out of his eyes and it was a good idea to get a good pair of dark glasses to help protect his eyes from the sun or anything else since his eyelashes were still up for debate if they would grow back at all.

The doctor had left the room leaving Jon and Martin in there for the time being while he was getting some eye drops for Jon to try to see if they helped reduce some irritation for him. Jon was in the main chair and looked drawn into himself. He'd not left the house since they got back from the hospital. The world felt large and scary. Sure he had Martin with him, but there was so much he just didn't know and it bothered him.

The last week or so of healing had been both rewarding and channeling for Martin. It was still going to be an uphill battle from here on out, but Jon was making progress, and that made Martin happy. It was still going to be a struggle to find a normal, but they were on the right path.

Martin sat next to Jon in the optometrist's office, a hand on Jon's knee for comfort. "I know this is probably really overwhelming for you Jon, but I'm here to help you every step of the way. Once the doctor gets back, I'll ask him about the glasses and a cane if you want." He could tell that Jon was super overwhelmed, and he wanted to help in any way possible.

Jon was thankful for Martin's hand on him. Whenever they were out and he wasn't in contact with his now-boyfriend, he felt adrift in a void. It scared the absolute hell out of him simply because anything could just grab him. Clearly being kidnapped multiple times had taken a toll on him.

"And here is thought I'd be free of the curse of glasses." Jon had always had a very dry sense of humor. He was already used to glasses as it was. And he'd feel better about his eyes not being on full display for anyone. There was an irony in how Jon worried about people seeing him and judging him.

At the mention of the cane, he gave a soft gum of acknowledgment, but he wasn't looking forward to needing to learn yet another thing. He was in for quite a shock once he started occupational therapy to learn how to do things like make his tea safely or cook if he wanted to. Let alone learning braille. But he didn't know what he didn't know.

"Sorry Jon, if I can't get rid of my own glasses curse, neither can you," Martin joked, smiling as he squeezed Jon's knee again. He could feel the nervousness radiating under Jon, and he hated seeing it. He can't imagine what must be going through Jon's head right now.

After a few more minutes, the doctors returned with some more information as well as a couple of pairs of glasses for Jon. Before the two of them knew it, they were outside the doctor's office with everything they needed for Jon's continued healing.

"Let's get back home so you can rest, alright?" He wanted Jon to take it easy after learning all the new information.

Jon didn't need to be told twice he was heading home. He accepted the glasses and put them on for the ride home. Jon was also so thankful Martin had a car despite them living in London. He didn't want to try and navigate the tube. Not with so many strangers pressing in around him. Not being so far underground after he spent time in The Buried. Sometimes his chest felt right thinking about it. Being probably inches away from Daisy and unable to even get to her.

"How do these even look on me?" He didn't get asked his style preference so hopefully, it looked alright. Jon was a touch vain, but it was well guarded. As we're most things with him.

Back at the car Jon got in and began to relax more knowing he was heading back home. He waited for Martin to come help him to the house again and *finally* let the rest of his tension go once they were inside the flat.

"Can I say, I'm thrilled to not need the bandages on anymore. It was getting to be much."

Martin looks over at Jon to see how the glasses looked. "They don't look that bad. A little different from what you’ve worn in the past, but it looks good on you." Well, Martin thought anything looked good on Jon. Because it was Jon.

Martin started heading home, a smile on his face. "Yeah, it's nice to see your face fully again. I missed seeing your eyes." He flushed red and coughed awkwardly. "Also, you can now take actual showers, so that's fun!"

He pulled into the parking lot and helped Jon back inside.

Jon gave a small hum that seemed displeased with the idea of being so obvious in being blind. As if being attached to Martin's side to get anywhere. He'd come to find it was usually easiest to hold onto Martin's elbow. He got good feedback for stopping or turning from there.

Jon couldn't help a small blush of his own. "I figured they probably weren't that pleasant these days." He did give a sound of realization about the shower. "God that sounds wonderful actually I can finally properly get my hair washed."

Once inside Jon started to make his way to the bedroom. "Actually I might start with a shower." The idea of just standing in hot water for a while sounded divine. He'd been able to keep clean enough but a proper scrub sounded wonderful.

"Well there's probably other sunglasses that you can get if you want. Something that would be more flattering maybe? Not that you don't already look good-" Christ, Martin was already stumbling over his worlds. He was already growing so flustered and awkward and he was making it worse already.

He let Jon navigate his way on his own. He was already starting to remember the layout of the apartment, and Martin was proud of him for that.

"Sounds good, Jon. I'll be here in the bedroom. Yell if you need me for anything." It's not that Martin didn't trust him to take a shower on his own, but he was just nervous in case Jon fell and injured himself. He was happy reading one of Jon's books on the bed with Ampersand on his lap.

Jon let himself into the bathroom and undressed himself. Where he'd normally just thrown his clothes on the floor to pick up later, he folded them and put them next to the sink so he could find them again. Truthfully he would have undressed in the bedroom but he wasn't sure if Martin was comfortable with that idea or not yet. They were still sort of feeling that part out. It hadn't been that long yet.

The water started and he rather ungratefully got himself into the shower, one hand on the glass divider, the other on the ledge of the tub. One so he didn't hit his head, the other so he didn't trip. Once in he turned on the water and got the temperature where he needed. After a nice soak and getting his hair wet he went to get his shampoo or was he holding conditioner?

"Shit."

Martin had been helping him and now he had no idea which bottle was which since they were the same brand. Similar in size and shape. Similar color. He stood there for a few minutes, water cast cascading over his back. He went to pick up the second bottle but knocked it into the tub with a clatter. He grumbled while picking it back up now holding both identical bottles in his hands. As much as he hated it, he needed help.

"Martin!" He ended up calling for his partner. After all, he said to get him if he needed help with anything. Maybe it was silly to ask which one was shampoo but here he was.

Martin was simply chilling on the bed, engrossed in a good book and petting Ampersand. He never thought that this might be his new normal, but it was real. This was his life now, and he couldn't be happier.

He nearly fell off the bed when he heard Jon cry out for him. Without a second thought, he put the book down and ran into the bathroom.

"Jon, Jon, are you alright?" He asked quickly before stopping as soon as he opened the door. He was staring at Jonathan Sims, his longtime crush and now boyfriend, naked. His brain bluescreened for a moment as he grew embarrassed. "A-are you hurt, did you fall, what's going on?"

Jon was started by how concerned Martin was. He didn't consider what it must have sounded like when he dropped the bottle first.

"Y-yes? I'm fine. I-I just don't know which one is the shampoo." He looked embarrassed. It sounded like he had interrupted Martin somehow. He turned towards the door, the bottles in hand.

Jon was a pretty small man, thin as well. His clothing made up most of his bulk so here, in the shower his lithe frame was quite apparent. Perhaps more so with his hair wet since the gentle wave of it gave it some volume. "Are...you alright?" He questioned, head tilting to the side curiously as he stood half in the water, causing it to fall over his shoulder and down his torso.

Martin couldn't help but feel a twinge of empathy as he heard Jon's predicament. That was something they didn't exactly think over when deciding to put dots on things to mark what's what. He should've considered this to be another option.

"I-I'm fine, just worried about you," Martin stated hesitantly. "I heard a loud noise and then you called for me, I thought you had hurt yourself." He cautiously approached the shower.

"Oh." Jon blinked, thinking over the moments before he called Martin. "Oh I see. That, that does make sense. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry." He did feel bad about that part. Martin worried enough as it was.

Martin forgot just how small Jon was until he got a look at him like this. He was basically skin and bones at this rate, and covered with scars as well. Martin hoped that maybe, as time went on and Jon ate more real food, he could get some weight back.

"It's the one in your right hand," Martin answered. He gently touched the hand with the bottle of shampoo in it. "I'm sorry, I didn't even consider this. We can mark them when you're done, alright?" He managed to hold his awkwardness back.

He carefully set the bottle in his left hand down. He'd come back for that once his hair was clean. "Yeah, we should probably mark at least one to tell them apart from each other."

He could feel something was off about Martin though. The type of energy that the man was carrying was different than what he had become used to. "Are you...Martin, why are you so nervous?" He paused thinking about this for a moment. "...is it because I'm in the shower?" A sly little smile of suspicion found his lips at the thought.

Martin was very glad that Jon couldn't see him because his face was bright red. He groaned in embarrassment as he stepped away from the shower. "Yes, Jon. I'm seeing the man I've had a crush on for a very long time nude in the shower, of course I'm acting weird and nervous!"

He just realized what he said out loud, and was only even more embarrassed. "I'm just going to leave you to it," he mumbled as he left the bathroom and went to scream into a pillow.

"Martin!" Jon said in semi-mock surprise, the smile on his face growing a little "You've had a crush on me for a long time ?" Now that was news, at least to him. Everyone in the Archives had known except for Jon, of course. He was so smart and so thick at the same time.

It was clear Jon was taking some delight in this. "Oh now wait-" but Martin was gone and he was left to chuckle softly to himself. Martin was easy to rile up and, honestly, it was very cute. Something was flattering in knowing Martin thought of him in such a way, even if he had mentioned being ace. It was more about the fact that someone wanted him, in any way really. Jon figured he annoyed most people and rarely was aware of people's interest in him.

It took him some time to finish showering. Once done he got out and dried off. He tied the towel around his hips before exiting the bathroom so he could go get some fresh clothing. "Are you still in here, Martin?" He inquired as he was stepping through the threshold.

Martin was curled up on the bed in a ball of embarrassment, his face shoved into a pillow. "Yes, I'm still here," he called weakly, raising his voice enough so Jon could hear him. He didn't turn around to look at him though, he was still so embarrassed.

"And to answer your question: yes. Yes, I've had a crush on you for a long time. Ever since I first started working in the Archives." Martin huffed out a laugh. "You were never nice to me but I still developed a crush anyways. Tim never let me hear the end of it when he found out."

Jon tried to stifle the laugh hearing Martin's voice muffled in the bed caused. Jon didn't want to have him think he was laughing at him. Even if he kind of was. It was just in the way you laugh at someone you have affection for being silly.

He shifted carefully around the bed getting himself some clothing to lounge in. Just sweatpants and a T-shirt. He wasn't even sure they matched, but it also didn't matter. While dressing himself he listened to Martin.

"That sounds like Tim." He had a suspicion Tim might owe Martin over a bet around the two of them actually ending up together. Jon moved to find the bed and then crawled onto it and over to Martin. "I'm surprised he never gave you tips. We dated for a brief time before I became the Archivist."

He carefully felt his way across the comforter searching for Martin. Once he found the other he moved his hands upward following the curve of his shoulder, up his neck until he found his face. Once he had Jon leaned in to kiss his cheek gently. "It was really all the way back to when I almost fired you over the dog?"

"Tim never let me live it down," Martin stated with a smile as he remembered the time Tim kept pestering him when he was living in the Archives. "I had it down bad for you back then. I still am not entirely sure why. It was just a... I don't know. I never really got crushes but then you came along and..."

Martin was still embarrassed, and he struggled to come up with a way to defend himself. He relaxed a little as he felt Jon kiss him. "I mean, it happened after that scenario, but I guess so yeah. God, that feels so long ago now."

At the mention of Tim, Martin couldn't help but feel sad. He missed him quite a lot. His smile, his jokes, the way he would light up the office. "Really? You and Tim? I never would have guessed." He chuckled sadly.

Jon wriggled himself into position to lay next to where Martin was, facing him. His eyes weren't exactly good at being still anymore. He often resettled them to where he thought Martin's eyes were. He still kept them open despite their lack of practical use. "I still have a hard time imagining anyone having a crush on me. Nevertheless maintaining it after how I treated you."

He gave a thoughtful sigh. "I'm not sure I deserve you, Martin Blackwood. I am thankful for your patience, or stubbornness. Whichever it was."

Jon could feel the mood shift as they started talking about Tim. Almost like a little light left the room. He did miss the man himself. Even had one of his shirts hanging up in the closet that he kept. "Yeah. It... wasn't a very longstanding thing but Tim and I got into some stuff." It wasn't quite a full-blown relationship but it may have been if Jon had had a little more faith in himself.

Martin put a hand on Jon's cheek and just held him there. "It was probably a mix of both in the end. You just could never leave my mind, Jonathan Sims. And I don't care what you think you deserve, I'm here and I'm never going to leave. I love you, Jon."

Jon raised a hand to rest over Martin's on his face. This was nice. Perhaps surprisingly Jon loved physical closeness. Martin had probably noticed when they sat on the couch that Jon usually ended up pressed to him or holding his hand at the very least. He also truly liked being told he was loved. He wasn't quite ready to return that, not that he didn't care deeply for Martin, but he didn't want to say anything until he had no doubts. He wanted it to be the only truth. Jon always played his emotions close. What he did do was turn his face so he could press another kiss on Martin's palm.

Martin took a deep breath, remembering their lost friend. "I'm not surprised. He tried to get with everyone, including me. I believe his words were.... 'dance card's open'." He laughed, although, towards the end of his laugh, there was a small sob. "I never took him up on the offer though."

Jon chuckled at hearing Tim tried to get with Martin. "That sounds like Tim." He shrugged when he heard that the other hadn't taken him up on it. "Wouldn't have been a bad night if you took him up on it." Jon answered perhaps a bit too casually.

Martin did raise an eyebrow when Jon spoke casually about Tim, but he decided not to press it. He did not want to unpack all of that right now, and he was already getting sad thinking about Tim and the past. He closed his eyes, trying not to let the emotions overwhelm him. "I... I miss him, Jon."

Jon stilled for a moment and nodded. "I miss him too. I think about him all the time. I... I wish he hadn't been so angry. I wish I had spent more time listening to him..."

Martin brushed the hair out of Jon's face and smiled sadly. "You can't change the past unfortunately. We all have been through hell, and when we look back, we can only question the decisions that we have made. I know it's hard not to, but please don't blame yourself Jon." He trailed off for a few moments before whispering: " I think, how it all ended, it was what he wanted ."

"No, we can't change what happened." He had wished he could many times. He did blame himself. He was the one who still had Tim come knowing he was unstable at that point. Jon shut his eyes as Martin whispered.

"That's what I'm most upset about. My friend wanted to die. He'd given up. He was so angry that he was ready to destroy himself and he wouldn't have been there if I didn't ask for him to be given the job." This was clearly a rather raw subject for Jon. It wasn't something he often spoke about. The only other person who knew his true feelings about it was Daisy whom he told somewhere in the middle of day two in that coffin.

Martin leaned in and kissed Jon properly. "I love you, Jonathan Sims. I'm happy you're still here."

Jon leaned up to return the kiss. One of his own hands moving to pay on Martin's cheek. He considered for a moment before replying. "I am happy to be here. I... don't think I've been happy in some time. "

Martin ran a hand softly through Jon's unruly hair. He could see just how heavy this weighed on Jon's shoulders. It pained Martin to see it. He pressed a featherlight kiss to his forehead.

"It's okay, you're alright. How about this? Why don't you come with me and sit in the kitchen while I cook dinner? I think we have the stuff to make omelettes if you're in the mood for it." Martin sat up on the bed and stretched.

Jon leaned into Martin's hands. Something he tended to do, much like Ampersand actually. It was followed by a content sigh when he got the forehead kiss.

"That sounds nice. I can do that. We can talk. I can...hold ingredients?" He chuckled a little at his inability to really assist. Jon pouted for a moment when he felt Martin sir up even when he knew they were going to move.

He eventually rolled over and went to stand up. "Actually while you cook I'm going to braid my hair since it's still wet. It should help make it more manageable for a couple of days." Or it would at least give his waves a little more definition.

Martin smiled. "I don't think I've ever seen your hair in a braid. I'm sure it will look great. Let me get started on dinner then." He grabbed Jon lightly and pulled him into a quick kiss. "I'll be back soon."

He went into the kitchen and began to grab his ingredients. Mostly just the eggs, although he found some vegetables that he thought he might chop up in order to add them to the omelettes.

He did that first, chopping up the carrots and bell peppers that he wanted to add while he let the pan get warm.

"I always forgot to bring hairties to work so I either left it down or used a pen. I can't do anything fancy, but I can plait it and that tends to make it hold nicer shapes if I let it dry like that."

He gave a surprised sound when grabbed and vaguely stumbled over his feet but was able to catch himself against Martin and he chuckled while leaning into the kiss. "You are quite affectionate today. That is not a complaint."

As Martin went to the kitchen Jon went back to the restroom to grab a hairtie and to gather his clothes that needed to go in the laundry. He then set about getting his hair braided.

While still working on his hair he came to the door and opened it before shuffling his way to the kitchen. He counted his steps since his hands were busy in his hair but he managed to get pretty close as he was about halfway finished with his hair.

When Martin heard Jon returning, he turned around to greet him. "I've got a lot of lost years to make up on Jon, so you're going to get a lot in the affection department. You're stuck with me I'm afraid." He chuckled.

Jon had just finished braiding his hair and tied the end off. It was a tighter braid on purpose, although a little messy since he was doing it by pure feel. He pushed his hair back over his shoulder and moved to stand by the little island his flat had on the kitchen. That way he'd be less likely to get in Martin's way. 

He returned to the stove as he put together this omelette mixture. It was really simple, but Martin didn't mind. He just hoped that Jon didn't mind either as he poured the first batch into the pan.

Maybe it was that he wasn't used to Jon's stove. Maybe he just hadn't cooked in a while. Or maybe Martin was just overwhelmed about everything that happened in the last few weeks. Whatever the reason, Martin found that he had burned the first omelette. It's burnt stench hung in the air, nauseating.

"Oh shit- Sorry Jon, I'll remake this really quickly." He was overapologetic as he tossed the ruined omelette into the garbage and started over. He was quickly grabbing all the ingredients to put into a bowl, he wasn't looking where he was swinging and-

CRASH! The sound of glass hitting the floor. Martin had set out some glasses of water on the counter to go along with dinner, but now they both were on the floor. Martin began to hyperventilate, dropping to his knees and covering his ears instinctively.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'll c-clean it up, I'm sorry, don't yell, I'm sorry." He repeated the words over and over again like a chant as he rocked back and forth on the floor.

Jon had started to notice the smell of burning and after a moment of second guessing himself he started to speak up "Martin is uh-" that was about as close as he got before Martin was fretting over the food. "Look it's fine. It happens. I've done it myself." He tried to reassure but Martin seemed stuck in apologizing over him.

The crash of the glass startled and Jon jumped. "Christ Martin!" It was reflex more than him being angry with the other. He is just surprised.

It took Jon a second to realize Martin was on the floor for an extended time as he was repeating himself. Fuck... fuck this was bad. There was glass, he was blind, and Martin was having some sort of anxiety attack by the sound of it.

Martin flinched at the yell from Jon. His chest heaved as he hyperventilated, eyes screwed shut in panic. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know, I'll clean it up, don't yell, don't yell. I swear, I'm going to clean it up. Mum please ."

It was the first time that Martin had ever brought up his mom around Jon, and it was now in the context of very obvious bad things happening. It was very clear that Martin had not had any good experience with the sound of breaking glass in the past.

Jon straightened up in hearing that. Mum . He set his jaw, a few things falling into place. Offhand comments Martin had made over the years about how his mom could be a difficult person. The way he'd shrunk away when people raised their voices.

Oh it was a good thing she was already gone.

His chest hurt knowing Martin was so terribly upset, especially when Jon was more worried about either of them being hurt than he was about the glasses being broken.  He had to worry about that later though. He needed to get to Martin.

Jon felt rather helpless but instead of giving into that he drew a breath in through his nose to steel his nerves. "Martin. Martin , I need you to listen to me. I can't see where the glass is, but I know you need me. It's okay. It's going to be okay. Is there a path I can take to get to you?"

Martin was sobbing harder, trying to see what's in front of him. "F-feel for the fridge and stick as close as you can to it. Once you get to the other side, I'm right in front of you. The glass is-is front of me, you should be clear." The tears wouldn't stop flowing.

Listening to the instructions and sought his way to the fridge. Once he was about where he expected to fond Martin he slowly crouched down and crawled over until he bumped into the other man. As soon as he had hands on his boyfriend, Jon wrapped his arms around him and tried to pull him away from the glass and closer to himself.

"It's okay Martin. I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad about something like that. You are alright." One he had Martin moved from where he had been balled up hebstatted to gently stroke his hair. "You are okay. I'm not angry."

Martin felt terrible. Here was Jon, the man he was supposed to be taking care of and helping, now soothing him instead. It felt so wrong, it all felt wrong. He was supposed to help Jon, not the other way around.

"Gods I-I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad, please." He grabbed at Jon and pulled him in, burying his face in the man's shoulder and sobbing harder. "I know I should be better, I'm sorry that I'm not. I'm just so.... so tired Jon."

Martin didn't want to overwhelm the man but here he was, spilling his guts out. "I'm tired and scared. I still feel completely out of my element. Yeah, I am used to taking care of someone, and this is different than last time but... fuck it's so much. I had to see you hurt, I had to help you heal. I have to help you navigate and... and..." He sobbed harder. "I'm tired . It's not your fault, none of this is your fault, I swear."

Jon simply held him while he cried. He continued to pet Martin's hair and just hold him while he babbled and overexplained. He did have some pangs of guilt for  needing as much care as he did.

"I need you to try to breath, okay Martin?"  He tried to keep his own breathing steady to give him something to follow. He did frown slightly realizing he was at fault too for never really checking with Martin, he had just kept asking for help.

"You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to just be a person Martin." He shifted to press a kiss to his head and slid his hands down so he could rub his boyfriend's back. "You can still ask for help. I'm able to still do things. You can also ask to take breaks or to have time alone if you need." He tried to speak evenly and in a way he hoped was soothing. He had been told in the past he had a nice voice, so he tried to tap into the things that got that comment.

"We...should probably talk about your mom at some point. I would never yell at you for something like that. You didn't break them on purpose. Nor did you burn the food on purpose. I'm not mad, just worried you could have been hurt."

Martin tried his best to breathe, to stop crying and to get his head clear. It was easier said than done, but he managed to do it just a little bit. He felt bad that he now had made Jon's clean shirt dirty, but he couldn't care anymore.

He did find Jon's voice soothing. As much as he didn't like reading and hearing statements, hearing Jon narrate them was something Martin didn't mind hearing. His voice was definitely one of the reasons why Martin fell in love with him.

"I-I know. I just, I kind of fell back into my routine. Of helping someone, of taking care of them. It was a struggle, and I kept telling myself that this was different, that I don't need to be so careful with my words, that I don't need to be walking on eggshells around you like I did with... with..." Martin didn't want to finish the sentence.

He couldn't help but flinch when Jon mentioned his mother. "I-I know. It's something I am still processing myself. I haven't seen my therapist in a while and so, all these feelings have just been sitting inside of me for months. And it just... all bubbled over today."

Martin shook his head. "I-I'm not hurt, I swear." Not physically at least. But it was clear that Martin had deep mental scars that would take a long time to heal, if they ever did. "I-I'm sorry. Let me clean this up."

Jon was patient, knowing Martin needed time. He had questions about exactly what his mother had done, but that was a conversation for another time.

"It's okay that you did Martin. I get the feeling you've been through that argument a few times. I won't do that to you and its alright that you went back to that place. You are safe though. You are safe with me." Jon continued tonrub his back and press the occasional kiss to his forehead or temple, whatever was more accessible.

"You are allowed to have bad days. You are allowed to have it be too much and you don't have to do it alone." He pulled Martin into a tighter hug for a moment. "Only if you are ready to clean it. I can try to help if you want...I can hold a dust pan or something. "

Martin hugged Jon back. "I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel bad for needing help. I know you can do some things on your own, and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't." Martin was struggling with everything, there would be a few things that he would have to get used to.

"No it's okay, I can clean it up. I don't think I have it in me to try cooking again, so do you want to order some food? For delivery?" 

"I think we can both do better with actually talking to one another. I've spent too long keeping things to myself in attempt to protect everyone at the institute and well, that only somewhat worked out." He would have to work on it himself to tell Martin what he was feeling instead of just holding it to himself.

"We can order. That's perfectly fine. There is a really good Curry place that delivers here if you like. Their Tikka Masala is fantastic." He started getting himself back up to his feet and held out a hand incase Martin needed hell up. Jon then retraced his steps back to safety. "Please be careful not to cut yourself, love." First time Jon used a pet name with Martin and it just sort of came out. He immediately looked embarrassed unable to see if that was okay or not.

"That's something I need to work on too. I haven't always been the best at sharing my thoughts and emotions, and spending time with someone affiliated with The Lonely hasn't exactly helped me in that regard." Martin let out a heartless laugh as he wiped away the rest of his tears. He grabbed onto Jon's hands and hauled himself to his feet.

The mention of food made Martin smile. "That sounds delicious right now, I could do with some comfort food. I'll let you order it." He knew that Jon could at least handle that, having gotten used to the accessibility settings with his phone.

Martin blushed at the pet name, looking over at Jon. "You can use pet names if you want, Jon. I don't mind. I find it cute." He leaned in to kiss Jon before finally moving and cleaning up the mess.

"At least you have an excuse. I just figure people don't want to hear it from me." It wasn't even self depreciation as much as he just truly believed that and had for quite some time.

"I'll get the order in. Uh... is there a different curry you want? I realize I have no idea what your opinion of spicy food us either..." He was curious if Martin had much taste for spice. He liked it to a degree himself. Once he had an idea what Martin liked he could add it on top of his usual order.

"Oh thank God, I was worried I just made a fool of myself or that you maybe didn't like that sort of thing." Jon of course returned the kiss and then tucked himself against the wall while getting their food order on. "I know I said it before, but I do want to reiterate I wouldn't yell at you for something like that. I probably should replace my glass anyway. I'm likely to knock things over now."

Martin couldn't help but feel sad at Jon's words. He stopped cleaning for a moment and walked over to cup Jon's cheek. "I care, Jon. I want to hear about it. Whatever you're comfortable sharing. I'm here for you, never think otherwise." He kissed him.

"And uh, something on the lower end of the spice scale. I do like spicy food, but I'm afraid I can't really handle it." He laughed. "I've got a bad spice tolerance, but I can handle some of it."

Martin finished cleaning everything up and tossed the glass shards into the trash. He made sure to mop up all the water so neither of them would slip.

He fell silent as he moved to the living room, sitting down on the couch and staring at the floor. "I know you wouldn't, Jon. I never thought you would. It's just.... hard to get rid of those kinds of reactions, you know?"

Jon would have to get used to someone wanting to hear all of that stuff. Most of his life was people telling him he needed to just deal with things on his own. He'll his Nan hadn't even believed him over A Guest for Mr. Spider when he had tried to tell her. That was really the last he spoke about it for some time. Time and time again Jonathan Sims had been told to internalize trauma and pack it away. It would take time to undo it, but it wasn't impossible.

"I'll get you the butter chicken then. And I suppose we don't have you try to make the curry recipie I have saved from my mother." One of the few things he had from her. Also one of the only things he had learned how to cook.

Jon heard Martin put away the cleaning supplies and then his voice came from over by the couch. Taking the hint that it was safe now Jon started over to the couch. He shimmered his way between the coffee table and where Martin was seated so he could take up his own place on the couch. His mobile was set down on the coffee table, the app for food still opened and read out that the order was accepted.

He slowly nodded as Martin spoke. "It is... I well... I ha e a lot of things Nan said to me that stick in my mind. A lot about how difficult I am and how much she really didn't want to raise another child but here I was." He gave a one shouldered shrug, old rabbit of downplay how awful that was to say to a child who had lost their parents. Many night Jon wished he had been with them instead, but as he grew older he was able to seen it wasn't his fault, yet, it didn't make the words hurt any less.

Martin's jaw dropped when he heard just how casually he spoke about that. "Oh Jon, I'm so sorry." Martin had experienced his own kind of abuse, but hearing about it happening to someone else, to someone he cares about, it was something else. He rested a hand on Jon's knee and squeezed it.

"You are not difficult, Jon. Yes, you can have a bit of a prickly exterior, but that doesn't make you difficult. I love you so much. Don't ever think you are lesser." He kissed Jon again.

"Want me to turn something on for you to listen to while we wait for food? I think a new documentary came out recently that you might like."

Jon gave a sort of noncommittal sound. "She's been gone for a while, so luckily I'm not hearing that all too often. She was a *little* right. I can be stubborn and self rightous. I was also a chronically bored child who had few friends, so she was sort of stuck with me." He paused for a moment before adding "Doesn't make any of it right to have done though."

Jon warmed to the kiss trying to hold Martin in it for a few moments longer. "That sounds nice actually. Just listen to something, wait for food and be comfortable here on the couch." Jon tended to get tired when they went out as it was. He felt rather on edge when he left the house. Too much left to the unknown of what was around him. It didn't sit well. He was still worried about other Avatars or entities getting to him.

Martin turned on the TV and sifted through to find the documentary. "I believe it's about the Great Barrier Reef, which I always found to be quite interesting." He turned it on, made sure to have the audio accessibility options on as well, and let the movie play.

Everything that had just happened took a lot out of him. He hadn't had a breakdown like that in years, nor the time to really process one in the past. But now, here in Jon's flat and sitting next to him, Martin felt safe. He felt loved.

He leaned against Jon's shoulder and tried to watch the documentary, but over time just eventually fell asleep leaning against Jon.

"You'll have to tell me about the fish they show. But I do like hearing about ocean life. Maybe not the...abyss od the depths we haven't explored yet, but that shouldn't be a problem here."

Jon made himself comfortable and when Martin leaned on him, Jon shifted a hand over his shoulders and kept his fingers busy by playing with Martin's hair. Jon could probably use a fidget to keep himself occupied now that he didn't have proper use of his eyes.

He didn't realize at first Martin had fallen asleep and he had asked a question about some form of coral they were speaking of whe he noticed Martin's breathing. A content smile found Jon's lips. This was... perfect actually. This was something so nice and so domestic that he had thought moments like this were just out of reach for him.

It felt so natural to have Martin there on him. A lot of times he felt tense being physically affectionate with people, as much as he liked that sort of affection. He always worried about it being taken the wrong way. This just felt right. He trusted Martin. He wanted to take care of him and navigate whatever fucked up version of life awaited them after while institute.  Did he...love Martin? This was what love truly felt like wasn't it?

Eventually his phone went off that the food was approaching and he wasn't sure if he should wake Martin or just let it sit. A few minutes on the doorstep couldn't be too bad could it?

Martin couldn't remember the last time he felt this safe. It had been a really long time, but now it all felt right. He never wanted to leave here, he never wanted to leave Jonathan Sims. This would be the rest of his life, and he was going to make sure it stayed that way.

It wasn't until the movie was almost over that Martin woke up again. He yawned loudly and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He suddenly grew a little embarrassed. "Oh, I uhm.... sorry Jon, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

His stomach growled and Martin suddenly remembered. "Oh shit right, the food. Is that here yet? Do you want me to go grab it or?"

"You are fine Martin. I really didn't mind at all. You also seemed very comfortable. Which is good. I figured I was too boney to be comfortable on." He gave a small laugh when grew at Martin's remembrance of the food. "It's by the door. It's only been about 10 minutes. I figured it would be fine to let you sleep. You've had a bit of a day huh?"

Jon was hungry though. "You can pick something else to watch. I learned a lot about efforts to conserve and rebuild reefs in general." He made his way to his feet. "I'll go get it. If my neighbors judge me for pawing around my doormat they can piss off."

Martin's face flushed red as he leaned away from Jon, watching him get up off the couch and go towards the door. "Well... thank you for letting me sleep. It has been... a bit rough yeah. Not just today but, the last few weeks in general. Hell, this is the first time we have gotten to rest in years."

He cleaned off the coffee table so there was room to set the food down. "And yeah, I'll turn on something else. You interested in some facts about the Amazon Rainforest next?" He didn't really wait for an answer, just switched it over to the next one and started it.

As Jon made his way to the door he nodded. "I think both of us just don't remember how to just live . We have been surviving for so long now." He unlocked the door and crouched down to find the food and slide it inside. Jon always had the door drop off, he didn't want to talk to people even before he blinded himself and even less so now.

"I think we both deserve a quiet evening. Nothing crazy. Food, couch and documentaries until wr grt bored or tired." Jon gathered the bag of food and brought it to the coffee table. "Will you unpack that. I'm going to grab us some drinks. Did you want something other than water? And rainforest sounds fine to me."

"Water is just fine, thank you Jon," Martin replied, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Jon's cheek as he got to work unpacking the food. He set Jon's dish in front of where he was sitting earlier and began to open his own. He was not expecting to be so hungry right now.

"And yeah. We've just been on survival mode ever since.... well, since we started in the archives I guess. But now we can just live, and be ourselves. We don't need to hide anything anymore." Martin turned on the new movie when Jon returned, grabbing the water from him. "And I can't wait to explore it with you."

Jon would go get two glasses and filled them with water and made his way back to the couch. He slowed nearing the table and slide a foot until he found the edge of it and slid his way around to the couch.

"Who knows, we might learn a thing or two about ourselves." Jon smirked over at Martin. "Like how I learned today wr need to work on your spice tolerance. I didn't want to assume because you were...well white that you couldn't handle it." There was a lightly teasing tone in the way Jon put it.

He took some time feeling around the food lay out to have an idea of how best to make it work without making too much of a mess. Jon had to accept that sometimes he just was going to be a bit messier in eating since he couldn't see and had to guess what he was getting. "I'm excited to explore with you as well, Martin."