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Suguru feels rage bubble up inside of him when Yaga slides two stacks of papers towards Satoru and him.
“Your new missions,” he says, not meeting their eyes because he damn well knows how fucking wrong this is and Suguru’s fingers itch with the need to call on a curse.
The stacks are high enough to guarantee work until at least the end of next week and apparently he and Satoru are being split up again.
Suguru expected that eventually, but they just fought for the right to stay together and to have it thrown into their faces like that, to see that the Elders can do whatever the fuck they want is really upsetting.
He opens his mouth, not even sure what he’s going to say to Yaga when Satoru puts his hand to the small of Suguru’s back.
“Absolutely not,” Satoru says, and he sounds just as angry as Suguru feels.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Yaga demands to know.
“That means that we’re not going to do that. It was agreed upon that Suguru and I would go on missions together.”
“The workload doesn’t allow that,” Yaga says and it sounds so damn rehearsed that Suguru wants to break something.
He knew they wouldn’t take this well.
“The workload,” Satoru mockingly repeats. “That’s absolute bullshit. You want to tell me all of these are Grade One or higher?” he asks and defiantly raises his chin at Yaga. “Because it was also agreed upon that Suguru and I would only bother with those kind of curses.”
“You know that ever since you were born—” Yaga starts but Satoru doesn’t even let him finish whatever bullshit is going to come out of his mouth.
“Don’t even start,” he hisses. “You managed fine for seventeen years. There’s no way these curses are suddenly starting to crop up like this. There’s no way.”
“Satoru,” Yaga warily says but Satoru is on a roll now and in all honesty, Suguru is enjoying the show, so when Yaga turns towards him, clearly expecting help, Suguru only crosses his arms in front of his chest and leans into Satoru’s hand on his back.
It’s reassuring to know that they are on the same page about this and that Satoru is not leaving him behind, like he thought after the mess with Toji.
“We’ll take these on,” Satoru finally says, a thoughtful note to his voice. “Together. But if there is one curse in there that is below a Grade One, Suguru and I take three months off.”
Yaga winces, clearly damn well knowing that at least three-fourths of these are going to be that. The Grade One and Special Grade curses have been getting stronger lately, but there’s no way in hell that two dozens of them have suddenly popped up out of nowhere.
“The grading system doesn’t allow for a more accurate grading,” Yaga says, clearly not even believing his own words and Satoru huffs out an annoyed breath.
“Then get a fucking better one. You can’t keep sending us out for this bullshit, especially not when Haibara and Kento are right there. They need experience, too. When was the last time you sent them on a mission?”
“The Elders—” Yaga starts but Satoru doesn’t let him get further than that.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. If they want to be active so bad, send them out on a mission for all that I care. We’re done here. Grade these properly, give us one stack, and we’ll go, but otherwise good luck with finding someone suitable, I guess,” Satoru decides and turns around to Suguru. “Lunch?”
“There’s that new restaurant just down-town,” Suguru says, ignoring Yaga and his piercing look because Suguru really couldn’t care less.
He almost walked away once and he only stayed because of Satoru and the compromises they squeezed out of the Elders and he’s not about to let them bully him or Satoru into the same shit again.
“I know! They make their food extra spicy, I already checked that,” Satoru excitedly says and Suguru frowns.
“You don’t like spicy food.”
“No, but you do! I bet you’ll like it there, come on, I’m hungry now, talking to morons always has that effect,” he says, much louder and when Suguru looks back at Yaga, he sees him frowning.
Suguru almost feels bad because he knows that Yaga is stuck between a rock and a hard place with the Elders and them, but the misgrading of a curse almost cost Haibara his life and Satoru and Suguru cannot be responsible for all of the work, not if they are supposed to reach past twenty.
It’s a shitty system—and Yaga agrees on that, Suguru knows—and it desperately needs changing but if Satoru and he don’t stand firm on their stances, then nothing will ever happen.
And that sadly means that Yaga bears the brunt of everyone’s anger at the moment but Suguru is willing to take that.
“It’s not his fault,” Suguru quietly says even though by then they are far enough away from him that there’s no chance Yaga can hear them but Satoru only shrugs.
“But he’s not providing a solution either,” Satoru gives back and Suguru has to agree.
There probably are some things Yaga could do or try, but he decides to stay inactive and that is not something either of them can overlook.
“Now stop thinking about it, we have the day off and I intend to enjoy it,” Satoru says, bumping their shoulders together and smiling brightly at Suguru. “Lets get you your unbearably spicy food.”
“Just because you’re a wimp doesn’t mean it’s unbearable,” Suguru shoots back, already feeling lighter because he knows that Satoru always has his back.
He doesn’t know what he’d do if Satoru weren’t by his side.
~*~*~
Suguru is hit by a severe bout of depression not even a week later and he fully blames Yaga and his stupid stack of missions. Just the thought of having to go out, of having to go fight for something he no longer even believes in makes him want to cry and so one day he simply doesn’t get out of bed.
It takes Satoru around an hour to realise that something is wrong, and he already seems to expect the sight of Suguru still curled up on his bed when he sticks his head into the room.
“Bad day?” he asks, his voice quieter than usual and Suguru can’t even find it in him to answer.
Satoru comes closer, until he can squat down right in front of Suguru, arms resting on the bed and propping his head up there.
“Can I do something?” he asks, even though by now they know that nothing really helps.
Suguru will just have to ride it out and then in a few days, things might look better again. Or they might not, but despite everything, Suguru doesn’t allow himself to think like that.
He mutely shakes his head in answer to Satoru’s question and Satoru reaches out to push his hair out of his face.
“Alright. I’ll bring you some food and something to drink. I’ll do the missions we had planned today, but I’ll be back around early afternoon. Sound good?”
It doesn’t, because it sounds as if Suguru’s inability to get a grip is making Satoru go out there alone, is making him take on a workload that is meant to be shared and Suguru feels so guilty for it.
“Stop it,” Satoru says and flicks Suguru’s forehead which makes him frown. “It’s fine. A day or three of this won’t kill me and before we know it, you’ll be back on your feet. And if not, then we’ll figure out something else. Yaga is still looking for a psychologist, you know, it’ll be fine.”
It doesn’t sound as if things will be fine, because Yaga could not find one yet, Suguru could be like this for the next month, Satoru could die but he forces himself to nod anyway.
“People pleaser,” Satoru grumbles, because he knows Suguru too well to be fooled by him and with one last tap to Suguru’s forehead he gets up. “I’ll get you something to eat and then I’ll go, so I can annoy you again sooner. Be right back!”
He doesn’t wait for Suguru’s answer before he dashes off and it’s not as if Suguru would have had an answer anyway. He doesn’t feel like eating and he knows that Satoru does not want to hear that at all, so it’s not as if he could have said something.
When Satoru comes back it’s with water and some snacks; nothing that needs preparing, nothing that needs to be eaten hot, only things Suguru can plop into his mouth without having to think about it and just for that alone he wants to cry.
Satoru really is too good to him.
“Thanks,” he manages when Satoru puts everything down and even though Suguru feels even more exhausted afterwards, the bright smile Satoru gives him is definitely worth it.
“Be good now, I’ll be back before you know it,” Satoru says, patting his head and then simply leaving Suguru to while away in bed.
And whiling he does. He makes sure to at least eat a few of the snacks Satoru brought him if only because he knows Satoru counted them and will be even more worried if Suguru doesn’t touch them at all but otherwise, Suguru can’t bring himself to do anything.
It stays like that for longer than Suguru would like because in his eyes even a day of this is too long but when it moves past the five day mark, Suguru starts to spot the worry in Satoru’s face as well.
The worry—and the exhaustion.
He’s still going on missions, still doing what should normally be done by the two of them and it makes Suguru incredibly guilty because it’s not as if he has a real reason to simply stay in bed, except his fucked up brain.
When Satoru comes into his room on the sixth day, paler than usual, his smile not even reaching his eyes, Suguru decides that his fucked up brain can fucking shut it.
It’s enough.
“How are we feeling today?” Satoru asks, the same as always, as he goes to kneel by Suguru’s side, but this time, Suguru snatches his wrist in his hand and pulls Satoru into the bed as well.
“Hey, what are you doing?” Satoru asks, clearly surprised but Suguru doesn’t answer him, too busy getting him under the covers and cuddling him close.
“We’re going to stay here today,” he tells Satoru when he’s satisfied by their positions and since they are laying down face to face he can see the frown on Satoru’s face.
“Suguru, I can’t do that. I have to go out, there are missions that have to be done.”
Suguru shakes his head and silences Satoru with his hand when he wants to argue.
“Satoru, you’re running yourself ragged. I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to take on my workload too but—not like this. Not if it means you’ll run yourself into the ground. I can do my own shares of missions again.”
Satoru tries to speak but Suguru’s hand stops him and he only lowers it when Satoru licks his palm.
“Bah, you’re disgusting,” Suguru complaints but Satoru only gives him a wide grin.
It seems threatening and so much more like Satoru than the expression he wore when he came into the room that alone the sight is enough to make Suguru breathe more easily.
“Are you sure, Suguru? Do you feel up to it again?” Satoru wants to know and instead of answering Suguru moves closer still to Satoru, until he’s able to hide his face away in his neck.
He must smell awful by now because he can’t remember when Satoru made him last take a shower, but Satoru doesn’t complain and only slings his arms around Suguru’s middle.
In all honesty, Suguru doesn’t feel up to going on missions again but—
“You’re exhausted,” he whispers out and Satoru is about to deny that when Suguru goes on. “My problem is that sometimes, I don’t see the sense in all of this. What use is there for us to go on missions when a new curse or twelve are simply going to crop up the next day?” he asks and he doesn’t expect Satoru to answer because there is no answer to that. “But if I do it to help you—that’s different. I think—I think I can work with that.”
“To help me?” Satoru asks for clarification and Suguru nods.
“To make sure that you don’t overwork yourself, that you’re fine and not working yourself to the bone. I can go on missions if it makes things easier for you.”
“Aw, Suguru, I knew you cared,” Satoru happily says and nuzzles the top of Suguru’s head.
“No, but for real, Satoru,” Suguru says and moves away so he can really look at Satoru. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
“Huh? What the hell are you on about, you’re the one who is taking care of me right now!”
“Yeah, right now, maybe,” Suguru agrees. “But without you, I wouldn’t still be here. I would have left long ago, after that thing with Toji, and it’s just because of you that I’m still here.”
“But I didn’t even do anything?” Satoru asks, his confusion adorably visible on his face and Suguru smiles.
“You’re Satoru. And you’re here; that’s all I needed. I’m here because you’re here. I didn’t leave back then because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t have you in my life anymore.”
They don’t really talk about that time anymore, apart from having to remind everyone what the concessions of the Elders were so Satoru goes quiet and his eyes go even bigger.
“And if it means I can spend more time with you now and help you in any way, then I can go on missions. Just—not today. Today you’ll rest and recharge and then tomorrow we’ll double down on the work Yaga gave us.”
“Suguru,” Satoru whispers and he sounds suspiciously choked up.
Before Suguru can try to say anything else, Satoru leans in to bring their lips together. It makes Suguru freeze for a moment, before he reels back. Satoru’s face falls in a way Suguru never wants to see again and so he moves closer again, though he does keep a bit of distance between them.
“I haven’t showered in days, Satoru, I’m filthy,” he explains and he doesn’t even want to think about when he last brushed his teeth.
He’s an absolute disgusting mess and Satoru really shouldn’t have to deal with him like that.
“So you don’t—mind?” Satoru carefully asks and Suguru almost gives himself vertigo he shakes his head so fast.
“Of course not. Satoru, did you not listen? I’m here for you. You are my reason for doing things, you’ll be the reason I even get out of this bed tomorrow. I love you. Of course I don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind, either,” Satoru says and it takes Suguru a moment to understand that he’s talking about Suguru’s general state of being.
Suguru does care about that, he can’t deny that, but getting up now to brush his teeth or even quickly wash himself down still seems like too much work, especially when Satoru is looking at him with that pleading look.
“Fine, but I don’t want to hear any complaints,” Suguru mutters and steals the answer right from Satoru’s lips.
It can’t really be pleasant for Satoru, but he doesn’t say anything and instead enthusiastically returns the kiss. And then comes back for a second one. And a third.
“Okay, okay, I get it, you don’t care,” Suguru finally laughs out and in that moment Satoru seems so content that it takes Suguru’s breath away.
“I love your laugh,” he says simply, and just for that Suguru vows to laugh much more often in the future.
It’s an easy vow to make with Satoru warm and soft and loving in his arms and it’s even easier to let Satoru taste that laugh right from the source.
Today, they’ll spend the day like this—and maybe Suguru will even get up to shower—and tomorrow they will tackle the new day, but no matter what—they’ll do it together.