Work Text:
It was a very lovely and sunny day In Yokohama. Dazai was walking down the street humming.
“Oompa Loompaa~,” he sang. Then a thought suddenly appeared in his head.
“Oompa Loompa~?” he said again.
“Oompa Loompaa~,”
“Oompa Loompaa~,”
“Oompa Loompaa~,”
“Oompa Loompaa~,”
“Oompa Loompaa~,”
“Oompa Loompaa~,”
“Oompa Loompaa~~~~~~,”
“Oompa-” Dazai was suddenly interrupted by a very meek LOUD explosion.
BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Out of nowhere two million, five hundred thousand and ninety-seven Oompa Loompa’s fell out of the sky.
Dazai screamed and jumped twelve thousand feet high.
As the Oompa Loompa’s came down, they all made a similar noise.
“Blaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!”
It was sort of like a sheep army, each noise reverberating throughout his ears. “Oompa Loompa ATTACK!!!!”
Dazai jumped backwards and yelped, landing flat on his ass. From behind him, an Oompa Loompa jumped out of the air and landed on him. Then, another thousand came and jumped on him.
The only thing he could make out was a blur of ugly orange.
‘Will I finally die?’ he asked himself.
Thudding sounds could be heard as each fatty orange jumped on him. OOF.
THE END.
TEN HOURS LATER
It was very dark now in Yokohama. The place where Dazai once walked was covered in orange dust. Every store was closed and dark.
In the middle of the street, a hand popped out of the ground. There Dazai stood shaking. He then let out the loudest scream known to man-kind.
“WHY AM I ORANGE??!!” Truth be-told; his hand was orange.
You can never escape the curse of the Oompa Loompa’s~~
“OH, SHIT ARE YOU FLODIGNSKF ME YOU UGLY ORANGE BANANA-” A thud was heard and Dazai collapsed.
A motorbike rolled down its windows. There stood Chuuya- the second half of double black.
“Oh, shit I think I killed Dazai- wait, whys he orange?” Chuuya looked at Dazai before revving up his motorbike and starting to drive on top of Dazai.
Suddenly, Dazai kicked his leg up and Chuuya flew to the moon.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSholleeeeee!!!!!” Chuuya screamed as his voice grew more far away the more he flew. Dazai cackled evilly the orange seeping from his veins.
“I AM AN OOMPA LOOMPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He started stampeding down the street singing songs.
“DO DE DO DA OOLALALALA LALAALALA DE DO DA DE DA DIDIDIDIDIDDI!!!-”
A cow come out of nowhere and smashed into him. Dazai flew to the moon. There stood a distraught Kenji.
“I KILLED DAZAI-SAN!”
***
Dazai gasped as he woke up, dripping from head to toe in a cold sweat. His hands were shaking and he took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself. ‘At least it was just a dream’, he told himself.
Then Dazai screamed. His arms were orange.
THE END 😊