Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The 11th year of the Meiji Era, in Tokyo. Cloudy and overcast, a type of day that makes one just want to sit around a fire and enjoy warm sake and good company. The Kenshin-gumi found themselves doing just that, including Yahiko, although Kenshin was encouraging moderation with the sake. It had been a long week for everyone and they were simply happy to be together, all things considered.

"Ahhh…This is just what we needed I think! Well, the sake at least!" Sanosuke took a long stretch, widening his arms so far as to nearly hit Kaoru in the face. One of those arms was in a sling, which he was mostly using for attention from women, rather than for its true purpose.

"Watch it!" She growled and took a small sip from her shallow cup.

Kenshin found himself observing and serving the others more than partaking, as he topped Kaoru's cup off. He wished he could find the words for the gratitude he would like to express to his little makeshift family, but he settled for a content smile to them. None noticed but Yahiko, whose perceptiveness was a key to survival for most of his life.

"Whatcha thinking about, Kenshin?" He asked casually.

"Oro? This one?" Kenshin shook himself from his own thoughts.

"Nope, the other one who is grinning like a weirdo." Yahiko barbed.

"Oh, just enjoying the fire! After all, we haven't all been able to sit and enjoy time like this the past few days. I just…" Kenshin nearly was able to let the gratitude flow when Sanosuke burped and sighed.

"Enough small talk! I think we need to play a game!" Sano exclaimed, pulling dice from his pocket.

"How can you think of gambling when you can't even pay for your tab at the Akabeko or help me with groceries!?" Kaoru growled.

"No, nothing like that! Let's change it up. We'll roll one die, if it lands on an even number then you have to say a time that you were embarrassed. If it's odd, then it's something that makes you feel grateful."

Kenshin didn't know if this was Sanosuke reading his mind, or if the universe was simply granting him a favor that he felt he didn't deserve. Kaoru grabbed the die out of Sano's hand. She rolled a five.

"Well, hmmm! I would say I'm so grateful for my father and the time he spent helping to progress the work of katsujin-ken, or 'swords that give life.' Look at the changes it could make in the world if more people felt this way!" Kaoru was red-faced, but took the game seriously. In one eye, a small tear welled.

Everyone nodded and Sano gave her a light-hearted pat on the back. She smiled and wiped her eyes.

"Ok, my turn!" Yahiko grabbed the die from the ground. He rolled a two.

"Ummm…I would say it was when I was younger. I was just learning to pickpocket. I bumped into a lady on purpose, she fell, and I tripped over her. It surprised me so bad I peed my pants." Everyone burst out laughing, including Yahiko. He handed the die to Kenshin, which he in turn handed to Sanosuke.

"Ok…" Sanosuke was a little confused as to why Kenshin declined, but went on ahead. He rolled a five like Kaoru.

"I'm grateful my Zanbato broke. I wouldn't be here with you guys if it wouldn't have!" He smiled and ruffled Yahiko's hair, who then swatted him away. "Ok, Kenshin, you have to go too or it's cheating!"

Kenshin took the die and held it for a moment. He just knew he could roll an odd number. He closed his eyes and tossed it. He winced slightly, as he had a shoulder injury from a few days prior. The die landed near the fire and he had to get up from his seat to check it. It was a one. He sighed, glad for the opportunity but apprehensive still.

"Well, this one has many things to be grateful for, but…" He trailed off briefly, gathering the will to say how he felt.

"Hello?" An unfamiliar voice broke through the brief silence from a slight distance. Sanosuke went to the gate to inspect.

Outside of the gate stood a woman who seemed to be in her late 30s or early 40s. She was slightly taller than Kaoru and her hair, which was streaked with gray, was swept back in a loose bun. She wasn't plain looking and seemed to have most likely been a beautiful young woman at one point, but the years seemed to have weighed heavily on her. She was carrying a small bag and wore a black kimono with an orange and red sunburst pattern. It all seemed expensive.

"Are you Himura Kenshin?" She cocked an eyebrow at Sano, seemingly in disbelief that he was the person she was looking for.

"I'm sure not, but I can take you to the man himself. Kenshin!" Sanosuke yelled. "Yet another woman is looking for you! Follow me, ma'am."

The two walked back to the side yard where the group was gathered. Kenshin stood to greet his guest. The woman whipped a hand over her mouth and gasped. She dropped the bag she was carrying in the dirt. Kenshin cocked his head to the side, "Oro?"

"I was told by the police chief that I should look for a Himura Kenshin, but I certainly wasn't expecting Himura Battosai." The strange woman seemed to choke on her words. "This all makes much more sense…My name is Kitagawa Chisa and I need your assistance with a few things…"

These were certainly words with which Kenshin was familiar, but his eyes narrowed as this woman called him by his former name. "What can this one do to help you?"

"Two days ago," she took a breath, "it is my understanding that you had an encounter with my husband, Udo Jin-e, and saw him die."

Chapter Text

"Two days ago," she took a breath, "it is my understanding that you had an encounter with my husband, Udo Jin-e, and saw him die."

Kenshin nodded and motioned for Chisa to have a seat on the stoop nearby. Kaoru felt a chill go up her back just at the mention of that evil man's name. She looked at Kenshin, ignoring the older woman, "Please don't do this. I don't like this at all…"

"Kaoru-dono, this person humbly has asked for my help. Allow me to hear her out." Kenshin touched Kaoru's arm, but she recoiled and returned inside to her room.

"Can we stay?" Yahiko asked, cranking a thumb at Sano too. Kenshin looked at Chisa, who smiled lightly, nodded, picked up her bag from the dirt, and took a seat.

"What can this one do for you?" Kenshin asked.

Chisa shifted her weight and tucked a few loose hairs behind her ear. "Well, Himura-san, there are two things I am asking really…and I'm not sure how possible either are." She looked at her feet and clasped her hands together. "You see, you seem to have influence with the police chief. It seems to me that he is using you to determine the credibility of who I claim to be."

"We shall see how much influence this one does have, but I do need to know what is being asked first." Kenshin began to feel uneasy.

"The first task is related to my property. You see, the police have several things that belong to me and I wish to be returned. The first is simple: Jin-e's pocket watch. I had it personally engraved as a gift. The second is less simple, as I am certain that it will be considered evidence: his wakizashi. This was another gift from my father to Jin-e before he left to join the Shinsengumi." Chisa counted the items on her fingers.

"The last, I fear, is the most complicated but most important to me." Her tired eyes met Kenshin's and he noticed an intensity that he didn't expect. "I need Jin-e himself. He is my husband and I wish to have his body for a proper funeral and cremation."

At this point, Kaoru made it well known that she couldn't help but to listen to what was happening in the side yard.

"Do you even know who that monster was?! Do you know what he did to people?! Or what he did to me?!" Kaoru was still red in the face but no longer from the sake from earlier. "He was a hitokiri; an evil, cold-eyed man who murdered hundreds! For you to speak so calmly about him, it makes me sick. You are an accomplice and I want you off my property."

"Kaoru-dono, this one was also a hitokiri. One would hope that his family would not be judged by his own sins." Kenshin was speaking to her, but looking at Chisa. "But, if you feel so strongly, this one shall have this conversation elsewhere." He stood to leave. "We can find somewhere else more private…"

He had called Kaoru's bluff. "Fine!" She growled and threw her arms up in the air, "You can stay here. Always so honorable! This one this and this one that! Oro!" Sanosuke and Yahiko could probably be heard laughing from the street. It was clear that Kaoru couldn't handle the thought of Kenshin alone with another woman, which made the two laugh even harder.

Chisa looked a bit confused, but chuckled at the pair and their amusement. "Kaoru-san, I do not wish to impose or certainly make you feel uncomfortable with my presence. Please know that my relationship with my husband is," she coughed and corrected herself, "was not as straightforward as your relationship with Himura-san seems to be." Sanosuke and Yahiko, who had stopped laughing, returned to giggling. Kaoru glared at them, but her face was again flushed red. She didn't bother to correct the other woman.

Kenshin, however, made the clear distinction. "Oh, Kaoru-dono is nothing like that. She simply has allowed this rurouni to take up residence here, and has somehow collected these two as well." He motioned to Sano and Yahiko who smiled and waved. They were certainly all suited for one another.

"Yeah, we keep her in line!" Yahiko smiled. Chisa found herself genuinely smiling back. She hadn't done that much in the past several months.

"I'm certain that you do!" She laughed and enjoyed the moment and then returned her gaze to Kenshin. Kaoru plopped down in her original seat.

"You had two requests. What is the second?" Kenshin's uneasy feeling returned.

"I just need someone to listen to me, and to hear my stories of how we got here today. How Jin-e left his mark on me in every sense of the word. You called me an accomplice," Chisa locked eyes with Kaoru, "and I'm not here to make a defense. I have none. I am not here to clear Jin-e's name. I am not here to tell a love story. What I simply want is for my voice to be heard."

Kaoru nodded, more satisfied with that explanation, but could still feel the hair on the back of her neck standing up.

"Before I begin, however, I want to know what happened, or how it happened. Jin-e has been acting as a hitokiri most of the time I've known him, and every time he left to go on a job, I felt that it would be his last. When he left last week, however, I told myself that things were fine. It was the most simple evening we've had in years. To think that I would be sitting in front of Himura Battosai one week later…"

"Kenshin please." The former manslayer implored.

"My apologies, Kenshin-san. I was simply making a point, but I understand. Just as Kurogasa and Udo Jin-e are different people, to me anyway, so are Battosai and Himura Kenshin. At any rate, I know that his death could not be simple as nothing in his life ever has been. Please tell me what happened, especially for this young lady to whom I'm certain I owe an apology." Chisa's eyes for the first time showed a spark of grief as opposed to simply exhaustion.

And so Kenshin told the story, sparing no detail. He told of how Tani was the target, and how Sanosuke saved his life, despite being stabbed. He told of Kaoru's kidnapping and the hair ribbon promise and the fight of her life against the shin-no-ippo. He even told that Jin-e had been the first in a long while to fight Battosai himself, going as far as to cause him to nearly break his promise to kill no more. Finally, he told of how Kaoru ultimately overcame the shin-no-ippo and how Jin-e ended his life as a hitokiri. He literally lived by the sword and died by the sword.

Chisa asked no questions, but simply nodded and appreciated Kenshin's candor. As he finished, she looked at Kaoru. "I want you to know how deeply sorry I am, as shallow as this may seem. I know that there is nothing I can do that will change what happened, or ease the trauma that you've experienced, but I do want you to know that I will live the rest of my life dedicated to atonement for what role I have played."

Kenshin felt a sting of familiarity for this mindset; a parallel he hoped the others would notice as well.

Kaoru was the first to break the seemingly endless silence that followed the apology. "Well, Kenshin told you our story, what is yours?"

Chisa stood, straightened her kimono, and sat back down. "I suppose now is the time…"

Chapter Text

Chisa stood, straightened her kimono, and sat back down. "I suppose now is the time…"

Thirty-two years prior in Kyoto:

A rooster crowed, indicating the beginning of an unseasonably cold spring morning. A frost was on, in which footsteps of many young children could be seen. A teacher had built a fire in a stove in her small classroom to keep her students warm and to prepare tea. On the chalkboard, the students were learning sums.

Six-year old Chisa was not a particularly healthy child, and often begged to miss school even when she wasn't unwell. She had a few friends but none that were especially close to her. They may come over to her small house to play, but she wasn't anyone's best friend. At this age, her hair was no longer streaked with gray, but was jet black with eyes that matched. Her mother fixed her hair the exact same way everyday: Long and down with a single small braid on one side that she often tucked behind her left ear.

She shared a room with two sisters, Akari, who was 16-years old, and a two-year old Rin. Her twin brother Chutaro slept in the room with their parents. Their house was small, with the largest room being reserved for their father's work bench where he made gears for watches and clocks. Akari was always in charge of getting the twins off to school, a duty that she didn't mind really. She loved to tease the two early in the morning when they were still waking up.

"Off to school you two!" She smiled and forced two bento boxes into their hands.

"Ugh…Please not today…I don't feel well…" Chisa lied. She lost her credibility with her parents in the past year, as she stated she didn't feel well everyday. They knew when she was genuine and today she was not.

"Nice try but today you'll be at school with the rest of the brats! Off we go!" And the trio made their way to the schoolyard not far from their house.

At school, a class of about 18 students had gathered around their teacher who had begun to take roll. "Kitagawa Chisa and Kitagawa Chutaro, you are running more behind than usual. Knowing Akari and her own punctuality this does not surprise me though. Class, today we will be changing the seating chart due to some discipline issues I have been seeing lately. If we cannot get along with our friends, then we lose the privilege of sitting with them."

This upset Chisa, who already hated school and enjoyed sitting with her few friends. A few people can ruin good things for others. One by one her friends, the more quiet students in class, were placed near the rowdy students, most of whom were the young boys. Chutaro was no exception from the rowdy boy category. Chisa was seated in the row closest to the window, for which she was grateful. Maybe this could distract her from whatever nuisance they would put her by.

"Jin-e, take a seat to the right of Chisa. Maybe she can discourage you from fighting so much." Their less-than-patient teacher glared. Jin-e had been part of the original issue that caused the seating chart to be changed in the first place. He scoffed and took his seat.

Jin-e was taller than the other boys in his class, with brown hair and light eyes. This was always a point bullies made, as he had no idea who his father was. He stood out. His yukata was shabby compared to the other students as well. It was evident that he came from an impoverished home. On his face he bore a swollen black eye that made his eyes stand out even more.

Chisa was vaguely aware of him, but knew very little about him. He was a mediocre student and spent most of his time alone. He had gotten into a fist fight with his only friend the day before. She turned her head to look out the window and avoid eye contact. She could feel his eyes on the back of her head, a very strange feeling.

Chisa whipped her head around and met his gaze. "Stop staring at me!"

He seemed genuinely surprised that she had called him out. He shook his head and faced forward. Chisa felt a sting of guilt. She had her fair share of bullies and certainly didn't want to become one herself.

"I'm sorry, Jin-e-san. I just don't like being stared at. If you want to talk to me, just talk to me." She crossed her arms. She could feel Jin-e's eyes on her again and she turned to face him. There was something in his eyes she had never noticed before with him or any other student. She couldn't exactly name what it was, other than the fact that not many other children had eyes as light as his.

The day went on like most other school days, with math and language class and some limited time to play outside in the chill. Just by nature of sitting close, Jin-e and Chisa walked outside at a similar time. Three older boys greeted Jin-e.

"What's with the eye, squirt? You get that fighting or did your mommy give you that one like last time?" One of the boys jeered. He had dirt on his face and knees and it seemed that he himself had just been in a scuffle.

"I got it fighting fair and square! And if you guys don't leave me alone, I'll give you one!" Jin-e yelled back. Chisa overheard the conversation and immediately ran to get the teacher.

The teacher grabbed Jin-e by the back of the neck and yelled at the three older students to go back to their respective classes. Naturally, it was Jin-e who was in trouble.

"Fighting is a daily occupation for you, isn't it?" The teacher scolded. "I'm going to have to speak to your mother again."

"I wasn't fighting! They were after me as soon as I got out here!" Jin-e tried to defend himself. The teacher paid no attention.

"Miss Kitagawa, thank you for getting me. I'm glad I put you two beside one another."

Chisa looked at Jin-e apologetically, but he was red in the face and angry. She had tattled on him and gotten him into trouble with the teacher and his mother, and now things will be even worse with the three other boys. He turned and went back into the classroom alone.

After recess was over and all the students returned to their seats, Chisa no longer felt Jin-e's gaze on her. He was staring straight ahead, scowling. She thought she saw a tear in his eye that he quickly wiped away.

"Now you stop staring at me. I don't want to be your friend, I don't want to talk to you, I just want you to leave me alone."

So Chisa did as he asked and kept to herself. She kept to herself for two more years.

Chapter Text

Meanwhile back in present day Tokyo:

The Kenshin-gumi had listened intently to Chisa's first story of how she became more familiar with the man who would go on to kidnap Kaoru and murder so many.

"So you didn't speak to him for two whole years even though you were in the same classes?" Yahiko asked. "And did one of those boys say Jin-e had gotten a black eye from his mom?!"

Chisa nodded. "He held onto a lot of anger when he was younger, and it was initially aimed at me. He couldn't fight with me and so we chose to simply exist with no interactions. I regret not pushing further and becoming more quick friends, but who knows how things would have turned out one way or another."

Sanosuke chimed in, "You dodged the question about his mother." Chisa frowned.

"Jin-e never knew who his father was, but his mother was a horrible alcoholic. She cooked and cleaned for some other families to make ends meet, and they often didn't meet at all. If she could get her hands on alcohol, she felt she didn't need to eat. Her son, she felt, was old enough to fend for himself. This isn't just Jin-e's story, these are things that she told my mother as well. Jin-e often fought at school, but he was quick and tough. He rarely lost fights, but still came to school with bruises. We all knew where they came from but only the most cruel classmates would call him on it."

"This isn't an excuse you know…Plenty of people from terrible family situations avoid becoming murderers…" Kaoru said partially under her breath.

"I'm not here to make excuses for him or for myself. I simply want to tell the story as it happened. I have had no one to tell these stories to aside from my sister and my mother for years. Kenshin-san, I simply feel that as a hitokiri who has had such a personal encounter with him, you are the audience I have been looking for."

"Former hitokiri…" Kaoru added. Chisa cocked her head at Kenshin.

"I have my own opinions on how possible it is for one to be 'former'. I do not share the same views or ideas on humanity with my husband in many ways, but there are things we have agreed on. It's not an accusation at all, and I'm not here to argue. It's simply my viewpoint. Kaoru," she added, "it impresses me that you were able to pull Kenshin out of his Battosai moment. I want to give you credit for that. I believe it speaks to the positive influence you have over a hitokiri."

"Were you ever able to do that to Jin-e as Kurogasa?" Sanosuke stood to stretch.

"Not so easily. And certainly not in the past few years as he escalated. We had a general agreement that he would take a few days to regroup after a job so that it was Jin-e coming home and not Kurogasa. He knew when it was safe to return most of the time. When it was Kurogasa who came home, I had to go stay with my parents or my sister. The interesting thing about a madman is the distinction between the two personalities. When a sword was not in his hands, he could hold a conversation, cook, hold me, and all the things that make a person seem to have humanity. When that sword was drawn however, or the bloodlust hit, all of those things became impossible." The group saw more than a glimmer of grief in Chisa's eyes. For the first time, a few tears fell in her lap.

Kaoru thought back to those few days ago when she was captive. She had a difficult time imagining that person could hold a conversation or hold another person without suffocating the life from them. A chill ran through her body and she stood up. "I'm going to make tea. Would anyone else like any?"

All raised their hands except for Chisa and Kaoru went to fetch the kettle.

"Kenshin, before I continue, I do want to take care of those few items at the police station. Would you please accompany me there? Do you feel that I am who I say I am? I also brought my marriage certificate with me." she stood and brushed herself off.

"This one would be happy to, but if Jin-e's body is released…what are you going to do with it while you are here?" Kenshin felt a little disturbed at the idea of a nearby corpse at the dojo, even if it was one he had already seen.

"There is a crematorium nearby. I have already looked into it. While it is more traditional to cremate the body after the funeral, the days that have passed and a trip back to our home in the Kansai region make transportation exceedingly difficult. The cremation will take some time and I likely won't be able to pick up the remains until late tomorrow." Chisa added in a matter-of-fact way. "That will give me time to tell my stories, if you have the time and willingness."

On the way to the police station, Kenshin and his guest were rather quiet. He could sense the apprehension she felt at identifying the body of a loved one. Seeing death on someone close to you is an immensely heavy feeling, and one with which Kenshin was familiar. He was wondering if she was already familiar with this feeling as well.

The pair arrived at the station and walked inside. Things seemed to be much more calm than they had been in the previous few days. Kenshin asked Chisa to stay in the front area while he went to fetch the chief. "Wait here while I speak to him. May I please see your marriage certificate?"

She handed it to him and sat in a nearby chair. Kenshin opened the document to inspect it prior to presenting it to the police chief. It showed the two names, Kitagawa Chisa and Udo Jin-e, as well as the date and wedding location. "Shiga prefecture." Kenshin thought to himself, "Close to Kyoto but a safe distance." It also seemed that the two had been married for thirteen years. An official seal from a Shiga court adorned the bottom of the page. All things considered, Kenshin felt that it was genuine.

Kenshin approached the police chief. "I have a visitor who says you sent her to me."

"Yes, a woman claiming to be Kurogasa's wife. I did not know him outside of his crimes, and I am not here to become involved in family matters." The chief was fiddling through some papers.

"And so you are allowing this one the opportunity to deal in family matters?" Kenshin tilted his head, "That aside, speaking to her and looking at this marriage certificate, I believe her claims are true."

"So what does she want? A pardon for him?" He laughed.

"No sir, just some personal effects and…" Kenshin swallowed, "Jin-e's body. I feel she has the right to do with it as she pleases. We have no use for it."

"We may have saved her some work; we just sent it over to the crematorium this morning. As you said, we have no use for it. She's more than welcome. What other 'effects' are on her list?" The chief drew out a piece of paper and wrote a quick note to the crematorium releasing Jin-e's remains to Chisa. He stamped it with his personal seal.

"Well, the simple request is Jin-e's pocket watch. She said it should have engraving inside the cover. The other item I'm not so sure we can do…She wants his wakizashi. The one he used to kill himself."

"I will not release the wakizashi; yet anyway. There are several men still hospitalized from their encounter with Kurogasa the other night and I'm not going to turn the weapon that injured them loose on the streets at the request of a grieving widow. The pocket watch is right here." The chief handed it to Kenshin, who opened the cover. Inside, was simply the kanji "千" or "chi", which he assumed stood for "Chisa."

"Thank you, chief..." Kenshin bowed and walked out to the front area.

At the front, Chisa was sitting quietly, but as Kenshin approached he saw a spark in her eyes that he hadn't seen yet. She had seen the pocket watch. He handed it to her and she held it close to her chest. "No wakizashi, but this one hopes that this watch is a small victory." Kenshin smiled softly.

"And his body?" She whispered so that the people around them couldn't hear.

"It is already at the crematorium. If we rush we may be able to catch them before they begin." Kenshin said as he handed Chisa the release that the chief had stamped.

The two asked directions and hurried to the crematorium by carriage, which was further on the outskirts of town. When they arrived, they knew exactly why it needed to be further away from the other areas. Black, oily smoke rose from three chimneys on top of the building. The smell was more than either could stand without covering their faces.

They entered the building and were greeted by an enormous man covered in soot. Chisa tried hard to not imagine that this soot was made up of her late husband. She handed the release to the man. "I am the wife of Udo Jin-e and I would like to retrieve his remains."

The man shook his thumb towards the back area that seemed to be the morgue, "He hasn't gone in yet. You want him before or after?" Chisa didn't flinch at the blunt way the man communicated.

"I would like you to proceed with the cremation, please. But first, may I see his body?" Her eyes were intense.

"Sure, lady. Back this way." He motioned for the two of them to follow him. Kenshin excused himself to go outside. He felt this moment was too private for his involvement.

Chisa followed the hulking man to a room with large bags and wooden caskets. It smelled like pure death, a smell she was familiar with from her husband's laundry. On a table was a bag much longer than the others. It was buttoned tightly at the top. The crematorium operator nodded and walked out into the front area to give her the space she needed.

After taking a breath of rotten, stale air, Chisa began to unbutton the bag that she knew held her dead husband.

Chapter Text

Chisa always found herself impressed with Jin-e's physique. When he was at their home in Shiga, he was either training with his swords, doing physical labor, or finding new ways to exercise. When he stood or moved, you could see every muscle in its place, as if he was a statue or textbook example of human anatomy. He generally hid this beneath a yukata and a bodysuit, but even so it was difficult to ignore. She often felt a sense of embarrassment or inadequacy about herself by comparison. Jin-e tried to ease her concerns, but often did so by laughing and explaining that not everyone could look like he did without the experiences that he had. He was never cruel to Chisa about this, but certainly had no qualms about inflating his own ego in his older years.

Chisa was a solid cook, but he often requested the same meals over and over once he determined something was best suited for his training. A meal of miso soup, rice, lean fish, and a seasonal vegetable was standard. He greatly preferred fall and winter, due to daikon radishes being harvested. His wife found a number of ways to fix them, most of which he enjoyed. Not all, but most. These all helped contribute to a body that made him perfectly designed for killing.

For Jin-e, his status as a hitokiri was a profitable one. He took on a job or two a month and spent very little. They lived in a farmhouse in the mountains near Shiga prefecture, isolated from other houses and farms. Should a rogue wanderer happen onto the house, they would find a farmer and his wife who would often treat them to a meal and send them on their way. Chisa did, however, suspect that some wanderers disappeared by mysterious circumstances either before or after making their way to their home.

In a large cellar area, Jin-e had developed a training ground of sorts for himself where he could work on agility exercises and his swordsmanship. He prided himself not only in how strong he was, but fast as well considering his height and musculature. Chisa would sometimes watch him train, if only for something to break the monotony of her day. When he was home, things were lively at least. When he was away, however, her days were filled with worry.

When he was away, Jin-e would travel at night and without his characteristic black hat in view. He often would find a quiet inn to lay low and prepare for the work he had ahead of him. He would draft a letter to send to his target announcing his intent and have it delivered, and then wait for the time to come to strike. In the later years of his life, Kurogasa had become his primary personality. It took him no time to get into that headspace. The bloodlust would come on the moment he was alone in his room writing. It was like a fever. You could easily see his eyes turning black. Any thoughts of his past, or his family, or the memories of Udo Jin-e were gone and replaced only by how he can satisfy his need to see the deep red soaking the walls, and to smell the rusty iron scent, and to hear the cries of those being butchered.

After he had claimed his target, he would return to the inn and bask in the post-kill high for a few days. He had to hold his own mouth closed to keep from laughing sometimes. Then slowly, very slowly he would come down. He would still be gleeful, but the itch had been scratched for another couple of weeks anyway. He could begin to see Chisa's face again, and think of old sad stories, or daikon radishes; benign things that have nothing to do with the murders he had just committed. He would pack up his things, hide the old black hat again, thank the gracious innkeeper and return home to Shiga to a wife who did not know if he had lived or died.

For Chisa, the time when Jin-e was away was not restorative as it was for him. She still had to do her chores, but then also had to keep up with the gardening and physical labor jobs that Jin-e would typically do when he was at home. All of these things and more to generally distract herself from thinking about the poor people who could be falling victim to her husband. Well, not her husband in her mind anyway. Chisa's mind did a fine job of separating the work of Kurogasa (to whom she did not feel married) from her husband Udo Jin-e. This wasn't a healthy mindset for her, and it wasn't a fair mindset to the victims, but it was her coping mechanism. Her husband's job was to protect her and he was often away from home to do that.

She did not wish ill on others, and truly had no political affiliations as both sides had flaws that she could not see past. Kurogasa was an opportunistic hitokiri with no loyalty to either side and this seemed to trickle down to Chisa on a micro scale. She did light candles at a shrine near her house for the victims of Kurogasa, one of her insignificant acknowledgments of her role in the suffering of others.

The first day when Jin-e would return from a job, she could immediately tell if he had been gone long enough. He would be relaxed and almost tired if he had taken enough time to de-escalate. She would draw him a bath and sit with him in it as she told him about how her week was. She never asked about his and he never said. After the bath, she would have dinner prepared (something not unlike what is described above) and they would sometimes reminisce or make small talk. Night time would generally involve nearly silent lovemaking, after which they would both smoke a cigarette and fall asleep.

If Kurogasa was the one who returned, he sometimes would not have even taken the time to change his bloody clothes. His black eyes would glint in the sun as he approached. His movements were snake-like, raising and lowering his head to get a better look at her. He laughed loudly and would often slaughter some of their livestock on the spot to cook. Chisa's spotless kitchen would be spattered with blood. She knew very little about what happened after that because she would already have a bag packed ready to go stay with her sister who lived about an hour horseback ride from their house. She could hear him laughing as she rode away. These were the more terrifying moments of her life. She would return either after three days or until Jin-e himself fetched her from her sister's house.

These were things that ran through Chisa's mind as she opened up Jin-e's body bag.

Chapter Text

After taking a breath of rotten, stale air, Chisa began to unbutton the bag that she knew held her dead husband.

She first saw his graying hair, once brown many years ago when they first met. Then his face came into view; his eyes still open, rolled back, and sinking into their sockets. They no longer carried the bloodlust black that denoted Kurogasa. She opened the bag as far as his chest where she saw the fatal injury he had inflicted upon himself. Chisa did not flinch at the wound but touched it lightly, not expecting the blood to be as dry as it was. It seemed like such a brief time ago that she and Jin-e had been sitting at the farmhouse together discussing the upcoming season for crops and what livestock needed to be purchased for spring or how her sister was pregnant by a man who certainly wasn't her husband. Chisa kissed his cold, gray forehead and buttoned the bag back up. She walked out of the room and into the main area where the operator was standing. "I will return tomorrow evening for the remains. I will pay what I owe then." She said as she walked back out the door to where Kenshin stood.

The walk back to the Kamiya Dojo was as quiet as the walk to the police station. Chisa would never admit that she was in shock at seeing her husband's corpse, but had no defense in her favor. It was simply something no person could prepare themselves for.

Roughly two hours had passed and the others had scattered a bit. Sanosuke remained napping by the fire, but Yahiko had gone off to practice and Kaoru had cleaned up the sake cups from earlier. She quickly greeted them when they returned. "Well, what happened?" She asked intently.

"We were able to get the pocket watch as well as Jin-e's body. We will consider those victories for the time being." Kenshin looked at Chisa, who nodded in return.

Chisa returned to where she had been sitting previously and opened her bag where she had stashed the watch. She opened the cover and touched the engraving. A tear fell on the face of the watch, then another. She didn't even realize she had begun to cry when suddenly the weight of her situation hit her. She gasped and covered her mouth. The tears streamed down her face and she began gasping for air. Kenshin and Kaoru both flinched at the parallel of how this seemed to be Jin-e's influence. The pair ran to Chisa's side, and Kaoru lightly touched her back. Chisa gasped again and began weeping loudly, leaning into Kaoru. "I, I, I am so so sorry." The tears were wetting the watch and Kenshin moved it back to the bag. "It could have been either of you in that repulsive room and it would have been my fault."

Kaoru wasn't certain what room she was talking about but assumed it was the morgue. She continued to feel an air of distrust of the woman who loved such a wretched man, but she still felt tears of empathy streaming down her own face. She grabbed the grieving widow's hand. Sanosuke had been awoken by this time and looked at Kenshin uncomfortably, who gave him a glance that said "maybe you should leave." Sano nodded towards the door and went inside to where Yahiko was going through his exercises.

Chisa slowly regained composure and squeezed Kaoru's hand. "Thank you…" she whispered, "truly thank you. I thought I was stronger than this."

"Strength doesn't mean not grieving…when my father died, I didn't know how I would go on but I knew I had to be strong for him and his memory." Kaoru released Chisa's hand and gripped her own kimono. This time Chisa patted Kaoru. Kenshin wished he would have stepped inside with Sano. He grabbed the tea kettle and went to refresh the tea.

The women sat in silence for a moment that seemed to go on indefinitely. Kaoru stood, "I'm going to help Kenshin with the tea really quickly. Will you be ok by yourself?"

"Yes, that won't be a problem." She was grateful for a moment of solitude.

Kaoru followed Kenshin and grabbed a canister of loose tea. He turned around and looked at her with calm, gentle eyes. He wasn't going to miss this opportunity to finally express his gratitude for her.

"Kaoru-dono, this one cannot express enough how thankful he is for you. It may have already been said, but if it weren't for you, Battosai may have…" he trailed off. "Just thank you. For that, for a place to sleep, and even for your meals that you cook for all of us." Kenshin smiled warmly.

"Well, thank you. I…don't really know what to say…Things have been too quiet since I lost my father. You, Yahiko, and Sanosuke have made my home so much more lively again. But you…" Kaoru knew she had more to say to Kenshin than Yahiko and Sano. She wasn't sure if now was the time, but seeing someone who has just experienced great loss had her in a particular type of mindset.

"This one should go fix tea for Chisa-dono." He smiled and touched Kaoru's hand.

When they returned outside, Chisa had regained her composure and was sitting with her hands in her lap.

"So, Kenshin-san, how did a hitokiri, or former hitokiri if you prefer, come to live in a dojo where a life-giving philosophy is taught? You were the most notorious of them all and yet here you are living a humble, almost gentle life. It's such a vast comparison to what I would have anticipated when I heard the name Himura Battosai."

"Well," Kenshin paused and thought of his moment of transition between his life as a hitokiri to his life as a rurouni and now to a more domesticated life. He knew the question she was asking was actually "How did you turn out like this when Jin-e never could?" He had to answer carefully. "I…"

"I'm sorry, that may be too private a question to ask. I don't mean to pry." Chisa added. Kenshin was grateful he didn't have to answer.

Kaoru was a little disappointed that Kenshin didn't answer the question, but understood that there are just certain things in one's past that lead you to where you are. If Kenshin wasn't ready to share then that is only fair to him. Overall, they had not known each other very long.

Sano and Yahiko rejoined the group outside and sat down. "We didn't miss anything did we?" Yahiko popped into the conversation.

"Not at all." Chisa smiled. She really had a soft spot for him. He was a little spitfire.

"I suppose I am back to thirty years ago now. This is when we reconnected, more against Jin-e's will than anything. I can be persistent." She laughed.

Kenshin poured everyone tea as they settled in for the next story.

Chapter Text

Thirty years ago in Kyoto:

Chisa's family situation had changed greatly since she had her disagreement with Jin-e. Her father, who made gears for watches and clocks, had connected with a prolific watchmaker who paid him a good sum for the high quality, handmade gears he produced. His brother had gone into business with them as well, producing springs. Their financial situation had greatly improved and they moved onto a large swath of land with a substantial home; they took the liberty to hire a few individuals for house staff.

The hired cleaner and cook was a woman named Udo Aiko, Jin-e's mother. Chisa had tried to tell her parents that she wasn't a very nice person but her parents said she did good work and worked for relatively cheap. They weren't so wealthy as to not try to get a bit of a bargain and Ms. Udo was one of the few willing housemaids nearby not already hired.

Chisa no longer attended the same school, as her parents found alternate education for her. Her sister, now eighteen, had become pregnant out of wedlock and they were also hopeful to keep their entire family situation a bit more private. Occasionally though, Aiko would bring her only child, Jin-e, with her to work as childcare simply wasn't an option.

Jin-e was still holding a bit of a grudge for Chisa, although it had been two years since she had tattled on him. His mother had hit him that night again and that was not an experience he was interested in reliving. When she was around, he would usually go to play with her brother, who had better toys than he had at home, and one of their favorite games was to play samurai with sticks from the tree outside. He became decently good friends with Chutaro.

On hot summer days, the boys would sometimes go to a nearby pond to either swim or catch frogs and beetles. Once, Chisa found a large rhino beetle that she was excited to show the two. Chutaro was immediately jealous, but Jin-e decided to respond. It was a really neat beetle.

"Ok, I like that one a lot. Where'd you find him?" Jin-e inquired.

Chisa, shocked that he actually responded, said "How do you know it's not a girl!" And laughed.

He smiled a bit. This was the first time Chisa had seen him smile ever. She decided to not push her luck and headed back to where her mother was helping care for her sister's new baby. She didn't care much for babies, but she certainly cared for her sister and was interested in why everyone was keeping it a secret.

The next day, she overheard the boys discussing beetle hunting again. Jin-e had asked if they should let her join them, to which Chutaro gave a resounding "absolutely not". She didn't really want to hang out with the two of them, but since she was pulled out of her previous school she hadn't gotten to play with many children her age. The boys decided to play samurai instead, which a girl of course could not join. Chutaro was uncoordinated and rather lazy; his new, more well-to-do lifestyle afforded him no favors. But even at a young age, Jin-e was fast and tough. He had to be to make it at school and in the neighborhood in which he lived, which was known as one of the more tough areas of town. They didn't play samurai often because Chutaro generally "died" and got upset.

On this day however Jin-e was a bit sore and tired. He had gotten into a fist fight the night before with boys twice his age and didn't fare well. They caught him in the neck and shoulder and kicked him in the stomach. His mother, who said she was embarrassed of him, threw a sake glass at the wall behind him, narrowly missing the top of his head. He stayed up that night worrying she would be back to his room to berate him some more.

He wasn't able to move quite as quickly as usual and Chutaro hit him in the same shoulder he had been hit in the day before and he yelped and grabbed it. His opponent took the opportunity to hit him in the ear, causing it to bleed. No sooner than that happened, Jin-e grabbed the stick and jabbed Chutaro in the shoulder, which made him cry. He ran into their house and tattled on Jin-e to their father who, knowing that his son needed to toughen up, assessed the damage, saw that nothing was wrong or out-of-place, and told him to go back to play.

Their father went out to check on Jin-e who was kicking stones into the pond. "You know, I was bullied in school too. Standing up to them will sometimes cause them to bully you more, but so does doing nothing. When you get older, you have two options: The first is to become a bully yourself; someone who hurts others to manage their own hurt."

"And the second?" Jin-e inquired.

"The second is to be someone who stands up for themselves without causing so much pain and to stand up for others who aren't ready to stand up for themselves."

Jin-e looked pensive for a moment. "But how can I do that? I'm just a kid."

"You can stand up to those bullies now, and stay that way as you get older. Fight for a just cause. Do you know what you want to become when you get older? I'm assuming it's not a person who makes watch gears for a living." The older man laughed.

"I want to become a samurai…but I know I don't have the blood for it. I think anyway. I don't know my father. He could have been anyone. And I know that my mother doesn't have the money for me to enter training. I want her to be proud of me for sticking up for myself."

"If you had the opportunity, would you study swords and become a dedicated student?" Chisa's father looked serious.

"Yes, but like I said, I don't have the money…and even if I did there's no way they would accept someone like me." Jin-e kicked another stone into the pond.

"There's a nearby school I would like to take you to tomorrow if your mother will allow it. The dojo master there is known for taking on unique cases. If you promise to me that you would be dedicated, I will pay your tuition."

"Sir, you couldn't do that. And my mother would never allow it…" Jin-e really hoped he was wrong.

Mr. Kitagawa spoke to Aiko that day. With Jin-e in school, she had free childcare, more money to spend on booze, and frankly she was excited at the prospect of Jin-e being able to overcome any weaknesses he may have. Mr. Kitagawa took Jin-e the next day to visit the dojo, where he went through a few guided exercises determining agility and reflexes. They were not impressed at how tall he was for his age (this made him an easier target), but saw that his size truly did not impede him much. The master saw a fire in his eyes that he had rarely seen in his students, possibly making him a project for a technique that he was considering passing on to the next generation.

And with that Jin-e entered the school of Nikaido-Heiho.

Chapter Text

Kenshin was familiar with Jin-e's swordsmanship style naturally, but everyone there (with the exception of Yahiko) was acutely familiar with shin-no-ippo, Jin-e's paralyzing technique that assisted him in killing so many. This was of interest to Yahiko, a young swordsman, acting as an information sponge. Kenshin changed the subject just to be safe. "So, it seems your friendship developed from his relationship with your father?"

"At that point, we wouldn't even exactly call ourselves friends. We just occupied the same spaces at times. It wasn't until his mother became ill, as well as something else that happened, that we got closer. She developed liver disease when we were twelve and, while she was able to function, my mother still felt the need to help provide for her." Chisa took a sip of tea.

"Jin-e spent the bulk of his time at the dojo, but when he wasn't there he was at our home keeping an eye on his mother or at his own house. He had a complicated relationship with her. Of course she was cruel to him, but she was also the only family that he had. After her diagnosis, she did slow down on the drinking which slowed down the abuse, but things were certainly not perfect." She continued.

"So what happened that shifted things to friendship?" Sano asked.

Chisa paused for another sip of tea and took the time to fix her hair that the wind had disheveled. He couldn't tell if she was stalling or not. It seemed that she was.

"Long story short, Jin-e fought my brother over me. Being twelve, everyone was moody and restless all the time. We got into a disagreement about something trivial; I think he accused me of telling our father about him talking down to a housemaid. He shoved me." She sighed, knowing how this tale concluded.

None of the Kenshingumi had much experience with siblings, and so they assumed these types of family relationships could be especially complicated. Chisa had three siblings in total, with Akari being the oldest and little Rin being the youngest. Akari was out of the house at this point living with her now husband, the man that fathered her child. Rin, who was eight, bore a striking resemblance to Chisa although she was much more outgoing. Rin loved Jin-e.

"When Chutaro shoved me, he made the mistake of doing it near Jin-e. I don't know if Jin-e had begun to grow fond of me or if he felt it was his duty as my father had instructed, but we've already established that my brother was not a fighter. Jin-e, on the other hand most certainly was. He still found himself in street scraps occasionally, but he was greatly taller than boys his own age and was roughly as tall as boys much older. He had begun to become muscular from the four years of training paired with puberty. He had a reputation as someone who should just be left alone." Chisa took another breath, smiled slightly, and then became more serious.

The thought of having training under his belt and being more muscular at the age of twelve was especially exciting to Yahiko, who was anxious to continue to defend those he cared about; to be just like Kenshin.

"This flipped a switch we hadn't seen in Jin-e's eyes. He mostly fought in self-defense rather than in the defense of another person. He grabbed Chutaro by the collar and head butted him. Chutaro in a daze took a lucky swing at him and connected right with his nose, breaking it. The blood flew and we knew this was not good. I ran to get our father. Mother and Rin followed behind him."

Kenshin thought back to breaking Jin-e's nose as well with the sakabato. He simply snapped it back into place with his fingers. He wondered how many times his nose had been broken so that he knew how to fix it so easily. Kaoru was thinking the same thing.

"It was a rainy day and the two slipped in the mud. Jin-e hit my brother in the jaw and then the temple. Although it was clear that Chutaro was done, Jin-e took a few more shots for good measure. Father pulled Jin-e off him and our mother helped him up. Mother was livid. Father knew that both parties were at fault and he scolded both, telling them that they both deserved what they got. This did not satisfy my mother, but she took Chutaro back inside wordlessly after my father was finished lecturing the two."

"Those extra shots seem kind of dirty…" Sano chimed in.

"I'm just telling you how it happened." Chisa shrugged. "After my father was finished with Jin-e, he went back inside as well. I came up to Jin-e, who was lightly touching his nose and wiping blood on his shirt, and thanked him for what he'd done. Things escalated more quickly than they should have with Chutaro, but for the first time I felt a flutter of…something, but I didn't know what it was." She smiled. "No one had ever done something like that for me before. So I hugged him around the waist and ran back inside, where my mother was silently preparing dinner.

Around an hour later, when it was roughly time for Jin-e and his mother to leave, my mother called my brother, Rin, and me to the table. Chutaro showed up but Rin never did. We called her name and checked her room, but she wasn't there. We knew she went outside when our mother and father did, but no one ever saw her come back in." Chisa took a deep breath. In her head, she wished Jin-e was there to tell this part.

"There was mud everywhere and the rain had picked up. We couldn't see or hear Rin at all. All of us, my whole family, Jin-e, his mother, as well as the few other house staff were searching inside and outside. Suddenly, we heard my mother wail. It was one of the most horrific things I have ever heard and I hope I never hear anything like it again. We looked and her cries were coming from the pond, and so we all ran as quickly as we could. There in the water, Rin was floating face down. Mother was trudging as fast as she could through the pond to get to her, but it was clear she was gone already. A small toy boat was floating beside the body, and slip marks could be seen on the side of the embankment."

Kaoru winced. Kenshin patted her arm.

"Father grabbed my shoulders and spun me around so I couldn't see. He pushed me to Jin-e, who grabbed my hand, and told us both (as well as Chutaro) to go inside. We listened and ran as fast as we could. We weren't even crying, just entirely shocked and confused." She continued.

"All three of us huddled together silently, putting all petty arguments aside. We just wanted Rin to be ok, even if we already knew she wasn't. After a half-an-hour or so, our father returned inside with our mother, who was inconsolable. He put her to bed and approached us, huge tears running down his face. 'Rin is gone. This may be the first time each of you has truly experienced death, but it won't be the last. Go to bed. Jin-e, come here in the morning before you go to training and I will have a doctor set your nose.' He said. I thought that was odd that in his grief, that was one of the few things that was going through his mind. Maybe it was just because it was something he could control."

"So sorry you went through that." Kenshin nodded towards Chisa.

"It is simply a facet of my life that shaped where I am now. It cannot be changed." She added.

Everyone seemed uncomfortable and not sure what to say, including Chisa. She finished her tea and Sanosuke poured her another cup. She accepted it and took another sip.

"So that's how Jin-e and I became closer: Through blood and death. I should have known that those would become themes in our entire relationship." Chisa ran a finger around the rim of her tea cup.

And it continued that way her entire life, with every happy moment punctuated by blood and death.

Chapter Text

By this time, it was midday and everyone was getting hungry. Kaoru offered to cook, but Sanosuke mentioned that perhaps it would be a better idea to go out and show their guest the Akabeko or any other restaurant in town. Chisa mentioned that it didn't matter to her, though she would be happy to pay for everyone should they go out. Sanosuke whistled and yelled "To the Akabeko!" Everyone else followed along.

On the way, Chisa saw a newspaper on the ground with a title that read "Kurogasa Dead!" or something to that effect. Originally, the police chief held the story in all newspapers when Jin-e was alive, but after his death there was no reason for the story not to run. His attacks were notorious all across Japan: From Kagoshima, to Shizuoka, to Hokkaido. Running the story seemed to ease the mind of the public. The story itself was nearly as brief as the title, simply noting that his murder streak was at an end and that citizens could sleep more peacefully at night. All citizens with the exception of Chisa, of course.

This reminded Chisa that she didn't want to say either of his names in public; the Akabeko could have close quarters at times. She requested that the group not use his name either or give much context that may give away her identity. She didn't feel nearly as safe in the world without Jin-e there to protect her, even if she hadn't felt entirely safe around him in many months if not the past year.

At the Akabeko, Tae seated them quickly and asked who their guest was, assuming that Kaoru had added another stranger to her collection.

"This is Kitagawa Chisa. She is a friend of the family." Kaoru smiled. They weren't sure what else to call her.

They sat and ordered their food. In the meantime, Chisa had some questions for them in return related to how they got to where they are. One by one, they told her how they found their way to the Kamiya Dojo. Yahiko talked about how he was the son of a samurai and that he was working hard to become one as well. Sanosuke openly discussed the Sekihotai and his former identity as Zansa. Kaoru of course has lived at the dojo her whole life, but spoke highly of her father and grandfather and how they shaped her into the woman she is. Kenshin simply smiled and said that he wandered down the right street at the right time. Again, Kaoru had wished that he was more open about his past, impatient to learn more about this rurouni she adopted into her home.

"So you two aren't a couple?" Chisa tilted her head. Sanosuke and Yahiko giggled while Kaoru blushed.

"Oro? No, this one would not add that responsibility to Kaoru-dono here." He smiled awkwardly.

"It's just that your energy seems…synchronized. Don't you think so?" Chisa looked at Sano and Yahiko who laughed even harder.

"So your older sister, you said very frankly that she had a child out of wedlock. Most people don't admit that with their families so freely." Kaoru said, hoping to change the subject to something a little less uncomfortable.

Tae delivered their meal, breaking the conversation. "Here you are! I hope you enjoy!" She smiled sweetly. Chisa smiled back.

"Yes, Akari had, or has, quite a rebellious streak that I never really had. She is exceptionally open about things. One of the last things he and I discussed was this very subject. I envy her in some ways, being such a free spirit. She is and always will be my safe person. She has never hurt me like most others have." Chisa took a small bite. It was the best thing she had eaten in a while.

She noticed, however, served on the side were chunks of stewed daikon radishes. She thought of pulling them in their garden. She thought of all the times she had to scrub, peel, and chop them. She thought of the one time she ruined them by accidentally using sugar instead of salt in a recipe and Jin-e openly gagged. She found herself crying again and excused herself to go outside. The others looked at each other and Kenshin stood to go check on her. Kaoru stood as well and the pair decided to go together.

She was standing by the building facing the wall. When Kenshin and Kaoru approached, she turned and looked at them with wide eyes. "It was those damned radishes." She said, laughing through the tears that continued to flow.

"Oro?" Kenshin looked puzzled. Kaoru too. Chisa had forgotten that she never told them that was one of his favorite foods.

"It's just ordinary reminders that spark grief sometimes, isn't it? Things that may seem so insignificant to others…" She choked a bit on mucus, then hiccuped. She did not feel very lady-like.

Kenshin thought of white plums.

"Give me a moment and I'll join you back inside soon." Chisa added, sniffing again.

Inside, Sanosuke and Yahiko had tried their best not to eat much and didn't touch the radishes. Kaoru and Kenshin returned and looked at the vegetables and then looked at each other. "Do we leave the radishes or do we not?" Kaoru asked.

"This one thinks we should leave them for now and see what happens." Kenshin still felt confused but didn't feel comfortable enough to ask questions.

When Chisa returned, she picked up her chopsticks and placed a few chunks of daikon into a small dish. She ate them with a smile and still a few tears.

Yahiko looked at the plate of radishes. "Yuck. No thanks."

Chisa laughed again. "You know, I don't even like these." She placed another chunk in her mouth.

"So weird." Sanosuke shook his head. "Anyway, you were talking about your sister."

"Oh yes, my sister! I will have to have you meet her tomorrow. She rode with me here. She has some other things she's currently taking care of, but she will be able to join us then."

The five of them finished their meal, thanked Tae for another fantastic lunch, Chisa paid and left.

As they walked back to the dojo, Chisa was still thinking about daikon radishes. Kenshin was still thinking about white plums.

Chapter Text

When they got back to the dojo, they returned to their seats near the fire. Sanosuke laid back on the stoop of the dojo and sighed contentedly. The Akabeko never disappointed.

Chisa wasn't sure where to go from there. What happened to Rin was a turning point in her relationship with Jin-e. Whether age or circumstance, they became much closer friends, but just that: Friends only.

"So were there ever happy times?" Yahiko looked genuinely interested.

"There were plenty really; especially when we were younger of course, but in adulthood as well. What makes you happy changes as you get older though." Chisa nodded. "Let me tell you about a fun day we had…"

The summer following Rin's death:

Three months had passed since Rin had drowned in the pond. In the late afternoons when Jin-e would arrive at the Kitagawa property, the children were no longer permitted to swim in the pond even on the hottest days. If she could have, Mrs. Kitagawa would have had the thing drained. They were permitted to fish, however, if they promised to only go as a trio. This served two purposes: The first was a safeguard if one of them fell in; one could help the fallen person out, one could run for an adult. The second purpose was because Mrs. Kitagawa was beginning to worry about her nearly teenage daughter spending time alone with a non-relative boy. Akari had become pregnant out of wedlock, something she was going to prevent with Chisa.

On this particular day, Jin-e came prepared with his fishing rod that, of course, Mr. Kitagawa had secretly purchased for him. He had taken Jin-e on as a surrogate child to some degree, knowing that the boy had no male role model in his life aside from the Nikaido Heiho master who was tough on him. They didn't spend much time together, but the times they did they had man-to-man conversations about Jin-e's training or fishing or, very awkwardly, girls.

Jin-e wasn't much interested in girls at the time (and he told Mr. Kitagawa this), just swordsmanship and romping outside with Chutaro and occasionally Chisa. He knew she was just a friend anyway, so that didn't matter. The two women he knew the best, his mother and Mrs. Kitagawa, were both abrasive at times with one being sometimes cruel and the other being the stern matriarch of a family of four (then three) children. He wasn't interested in courting a woman like that.

Chisa and Chutaro both met him at the pond on this hot day, both already sweating in the heat. They had their rods, lines, and bait prepared already when Jin-e got there, so he was feeling like he needed to catch up a bit. He hooked the bait and accidentally jabbed his finger. "This must be some sort of an omen already…" he thought to himself.

No one was catching anything, most likely because it was the hottest part of the day in the direct sunshine. They kept waiting to no avail. Akari was in for a visit and brought them out kombu onigiri as a snack. "You know there's a better fishing spot further up in the creek that feeds this pond. It's shady and I guarantee you guys are going to have better luck. Just walk until you get to a clearing and can tell that the water is deeper." She smiled, "You just have to make sure you don't get caught."

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Chutaro chimed in. "You know how our mother can be right now with us around water."

"It will be fine!" Chisa really wanted to be more brave and free-spirited like Akari. She also really wanted to catch a fish to show her father. Akari recognised this and winked at her little sister.

The three headed upstream to an area where the trees thinned out and the water deepened. There was a buffer of mud between the creek bank and the creek itself, so they felt safer about the situation as well. They cast their lines and waited impatiently.

"Do you think Akari is really telling the truth? That we'll catch something? Or do you think she's just trying to get us in trouble…" Chutaro was still worried about getting caught, but he knew that he also would get in worse trouble for leaving Chisa and Jin-e by themselves.

Jin-e kept quiet. This was a family matter and he was just going with what the two of them ultimately decided. He really did want to stay and fish though. He had been training hard and his master had been pushing him a lot lately. He was the youngest pupil in the school and they were expecting him to perform on the same level as the older students. Taking a break and spending time with his friends was all he wanted to do.

Without warning, Chutaro yelled out. "Hey! I think I got something! It's heavy! Help me pull it in!"

The three of them helped him get the fish on the shore. It was shiny and green and about the length of his arm measured from fingertips to elbow. He no longer cared that they might get in trouble; he was just excited to have caught something before the other two. They pulled it off the hook and popped it in a basket they had carried with them. They were hoping that Mrs. Kitagawa would clean their catch and put it on the charcoal grill to serve as a treat for the three friends. They most likely wouldn't have enough to feed everyone for dinner.

Not long after they got the fish in the basket, something jerked on Chisa's line. Not expecting it, she lost her balance and face planted in the mud on the shore. Chutaro busted out pointing and laughing at her. Jin-e ran to her side and helped her up. She was laughing as well, despite her dirty face and soaked yukata. She looked up at him, wiped her face on his collar, and smiled at him. Her hair was wet with sweat and water from the creek. He suddenly felt like was kicked in the chest.

Maybe he was becoming interested in girls after all.

Chapter Text

Kaoru looked pensive. The dissonance between the Jin-e she met and the Jin-e who Chisa said he was at one point was troublesome. She thought about Kenshin and the things he may have said or done when he was living as Battosai that would cause that same feeling for others. Her mind started to wander away from Jin-e for a moment, for which she was grateful.

Sano said what Kenshin, Kaoru, and Yahiko were all thinking. "So what the hell happened?"

Chisa made a face that was hard to read. It was a blend of amusement and very mild irritation. "It was a number of factors I believe, but I will get to that. At that age, he had anger boiling just below the surface. Part of that is being an adolescent boy; he was always ready to fight and his swordsmanship just made him more competitive. As I mentioned, they were pushing him to keep up with much older students. And while I don't know exactly when, I believe around this time his teacher began to try to work with him to utilize shin-no-ippo, with the understanding that it was a way to save oneself in a pinch rather than use it to simply have total control over the lives and deaths of others. He was sworn to say nothing about it or risk expulsion from the school."

"So when did the change become more obvious? He was a hitokiri when he was in the Shinsengumi, which was common knowledge about Kurogasa." Kenshin added.

"The first time I was truly scared of him was when we were around seventeen years old." Chisa's eyes wandered a bit and she shifted uncomfortably. "Overall, being involved in the Nikaido Heiho school was good for him. They did not allow him to become involved in street scraps; this showed a lack of self-control, was a waste of energy, and put him at greater risk for injury that would impact his practice."

"Makes sense. No fun to hold back from those scraps though." Sano shrugged.

"His time was mostly devoted to his studies and occasionally spending time with Chutaro. I had begun to feel…different…when I was with him, even with my brother there. I, of course, knew what this was, but my mother did too. I began etiquette classes and continued tutoring. Many times, my studies occurred at the same time as Jin-e's visits. I hated this. Even without him, I was not interested so much in boring classes that were simply preparing me to become a proper housewife to a wealthy husband." She shook her head, as if disagreeing with her mother from across time.

"Father didn't disapprove of me spending time with the boys. He wanted me to be tough and to be able to stand up for myself when my wealthy husband wasn't around. He had more concern about Chutaro needing to be defended than me I think." She chuckled.

"So get to the good parts! You said this wasn't a love story!" Yahiko was anxious to hear more about the fighting rather than her reminiscing.

Chisa laughed again. She was simply trying to relive those good days a bit. They became few and far between later in their lives and she tried to rely on those memories to separate from the monotony, anxiety, and heartbreak.

Kenshin suddenly remembered something that Jin-e had said before he died, relating to the fact that he could no longer live as a swordsman or hitokiri. "Life would have been so boring…" He knew this truly wasn't a love story. At some point, any feelings Jin-e may have had for Chisa had to have been replaced simply by bloodlust. The need to see people suffer. He felt a pang of hurt and pity for her.

"I suppose you're right, young one." She didn't want to admit that she had forgotten Yahiko's name.

"Don't call me that!" He retorted.

"My apologies. I'll move forward." She took a breath and brushed her hair out of her face yet again and adjusted her bun. This seemed to be a way for her to stall a bit, perhaps.

"When we were seventeen, a year before he left to join the Shinsengumi, his mother took a turn for the worse. She was no longer able to continue her duties in our home, but my mother wanted to make sure she was cared for and so my family continued to support her financially, if only for Jin-e's sake at the request of my father."

Kaoru had been silent for some time and had been letting the others speak and she interrupted suddenly. "I don't understand your father's relationship with him." She shook her head.

"Father grew up poor too. He knew his father, but I feel like he was trying to give Jin-e a greater chance to succeed. Chutaro never really knew true poverty, or going hungry, and certainly not the type of relationship that he had with his mother. It took my family longer than it should have for them to realize the extent of the abuse. By that time, Jin-e was old enough that I believe his mother became more fearful of his size, and her illness prevented her from drinking quite as much. For them to kick them both out would guarantee that Jin-e would continue a cycle of hurt, of course not knowing the hurt that he would cause others, and me, later in life." Chisa looked away from the others. They couldn't tell if she was fighting tears or not.

Her focus returned. "The incident happened the day his mother died. She had died that morning; a fact I was not aware of but one that I think impacted Jin-e's mental state that day. We all knew it would be within days, but not the exact time. That evening I felt like I had to see him. My parents were out in town picking up groceries and other necessities. I spoke with Akari, my biggest supporter of course, who then encouraged me to just sneak out and go see him. I was apprehensive but still wanted to be brave like my big sister. I determined that I was going to do exactly that: Sneak out and go to Jin-e's apartment."

"I know what happens when you get two teens alone at night…" Sano laughed.

Chisa did not laugh or smile. "I knew he lived in a bad section of town, but I had been with my father once and knew where he lived. I was certain I would be fine, especially with Jin-e there to protect me. So off I went, with a pot of soup that the new housekeeper had fixed. If his mother couldn't eat it, I knew he could."

She took a deep breath. The group could see her hands trembling as she grasped the fabric of her kimono. "When I arrived at Jin-e's apartment, he wasn't home and I knew his mother was not well enough to answer the door. Thinking that he must be at the dojo and not knowing when he would return, I turned around to leave. My plan had failed. When I did, I ran face first into two men who were sneering at me, dropping my pot of soup. It was dark in the back alley where his apartment was and so I had to squint a bit to get a good look at them."

Kaoru flinched. She thought of Jin-e grabbing her against her will. Being kidnapped by a madman.

Chisa continued. "They both shoved me further into the alley, grasping the collar of my kimono. Before I could scream, one of the men covered my mouth and I bit him. The second one slapped me in the face. They both smelled of alcohol and body odor. I gagged at the smell. They pulled at my obi and my collar."

"Now I definitely know where this is going…Jin-e will show up and save your life." Sano added.

"Well, yes. As cliche as it sounds, that's exactly what happened. But it wasn't the men who really scared me. It was what happened next when Jin-e showed up. He grabbed one of the men and headbutted him, one of his go-to moves in a fight, knocking the man out immediately. The other tried to run, but Jin-e was too fast and agile. I was shocked at how quickly he had the man by the collar."

Kenshin recalled Jin-e's speed despite his height. It was impressive. Not as fast as Kenshin of course, but still frightening.

"Jin-e knocked the man to the ground, and kicked him in the ribs. At this point the man was yelling and cursing and trying to get up. He grabbed Jin-e's leg, trying to knock him down. Jin-e stomped him in the mouth, breaking his front teeth off at the gums. I was horrified. Seeing this man who had been nothing but gentle to me become so violent was, to this day and after all I have seen, simply awful by comparison."

Kaoru and Yahiko both put their hands over their mouths, feeling their own front teeth and cringing.

"He then crouched over the man, hitting him in the face until he was swollen and bleeding. I grabbed Jin-e's arm and he shook me off and hit the man one last time. There was blood on the hem of my kimono and Jin-e's face and hands were covered. He looked at me. There was something in his eyes I had never seen before. Ever. Rage, yes, but he was also smiling. He laughed, looking at the damage he had done to the two men. I was shaking so hard that I couldn't even fix my disheveled kimono. What happened next was the part that I will never forget, even if the other details fade."

All of the Kenshingumi leaned forward towards Chisa. Kaoru and Yahiko still had their hands over their mouths.

"He grabbed my face with one hand and kissed me hard. My first ever kiss. He then took his other hand and put it on my face as well, both hands smearing blood across my temples and cheeks. I could smell it. I gagged again." Chisa's eyes were wide as she spoke, not unlike they were when this incident occurred.

"He then took a step back from me and stared, still smiling. He said 'So beautiful…'. At first I thought it was simply something he was saying about me. In retrospect, however, I'm not so sure…" Her arms were shaking as well at this point, one hand reaching up to touch her face. Her breathing had quickened.

"What can you even say to that?" Kaoru chimed in, breaking Chisa from being totally immersed in the memory. Chisa was glad.

"Nothing. I could say nothing. Luckily, I didn't have to. He grabbed my hand and took me to his apartment and told me that his mother had died. By the time we were inside, his face was nearly back to the Jin-e I knew, not the person I saw brutalize those two men. Nearly, not entirely."

Kenshin's eyes had narrowed. Kaoru and Sanosuke leaned back to where they were originally sitting. Yahiko stayed leaning forward

"So what happened next?"

Chisa looked exhausted. "Before I continue, I need to take a moment if you don't mind. May I have a bit of privacy for a few minutes?"

Kenshin nodded, then motioned with his head for the other three to follow him inside. They did.

Chisa stayed where she was sitting, touched her face, and then rubbed a hand across her lips.

"So beautiful…"

Chapter Text

"So beautiful…"

Such haunting words to her. A phantom from the past. She could still hear the inflection in his voice, the look of admiration in his eyes, his smile. This was the genesis of Kurogasa.

Chisa sat alone by the fire. It was late afternoon. Surely her stories were wearing on Kenshin and the others. Maybe they weren't even interested. Maybe they were listening out of pity. She did want to finish her previous story at least.

She stood up to stretch and took her hair down from its loose bun. She was getting a headache. "Keep your hair out of your face." a voice from the past directed. She dutifully put it back up and brushed a few strands out of her eyes.

She warmed her hands over the fire for a few minutes, hoping that would help them stop shaking. She needed to tell each story, to remove the burden that had been weighing on her for years. This day had been cathartic for her, but each memory was filled with strong emotions whether it was love, heartache, or paralyzing fear. She hoped the others knew how much they were helping her.

She ducked her head into the dojo, Kenshin and Kaoru were sitting talking about what to fix for dinner later in the evening. Sano and Yahiko were trying to convince Kenshin to be the cook. "I think I'm ready to continue, but please take your time."

"Yes! Chisa can decide! What do you want for dinner later!?" Yahiko shouted. Kaoru looked irritated at him.

"I don't want to impose any more than I already have. You all have been gracious enough to listen as long as you have. I should retire for the evening soon." She nodded her head toward them giving thanks.

"Oh, it's no problem, really! If you have to go, we won't hold you here against your will, but you certainly aren't imposing!" Kaoru was beginning to feel that listening to Chisa's stories were helping her with her own experiences with Kurogasa.

"Yeah, what else are we going to do?" Yahiko chuckled.

"Well, when you're ready, I'll be outside." Chisa smiled, "And Kaoru, please fix whatever you want. The boys chose lunch."

Back outside, Chisa took a seat closer to the fire. There was a chill in the air, unless it was her imagination. The others settled around her. Kenshin took a seat on the stoop, leaning on the sakabato.

"So he pulled me into his apartment…"

In Jin-e's apartment, one year before he joins the Shinsengumi:

Chisa was shaking beyond her own control. Her teeth were chattering and she could even feel the muscles in her face twitching. Tears were streaking through the blood on her face. Jin-e was no longer laughing or smiling, a point of gratitude for Chisa. "Aiko's dead." He said simply. He never called his mother anything but her given name.

Chisa was still too shaken to speak. Her hair, previously in a braid, was disheveled along with her bloody kimono.

"Keep your hair out of your face." Jin-e said sternly, running his hand through her hair, tucking what had come loose behind her ear. "You're far too pretty to hide your face."

"Jin-e, your mother…" These were the only words she could get to come out. The apartment itself was small, only two rooms: A shared bedroom and a main living area. There was only one doorway but no door. The smell was strong; years of stale alcohol, cigarette smoke, and a sick smell that Chisa couldn't name. She looked into the bedroom. To her horror, Aiko was still lying in her bed on the floor with a white cloth covering her face. "Your mother…"

Jin-e took the sleeve of his robe and wiped Chisa's face carefully, though he was still bloody himself. "I already went to fetch someone to pick her up. They won't come to this area until the sun is up. I should have found them earlier in the day, but I just couldn't…"

"Jin-e…" She still couldn't find any words. Her heart ached for him, but she couldn't read how he was feeling at all. His relationship with his mother was so complex it would be hard to say. He seemed to be almost out of…whatever kind of episode he had, but seemed very tired.

He bent down and kissed her again. She gasped and stepped away from him. "Please…Did you kill that man?"

"No, he'll be ok. I'll go outside and check after I take care of you." He took another step towards her. Chisa backed up against the wall. "Don't be angry with me. I, I just saved you." The words seemed harsh, but there was a slight quiver in his voice.

She looked again at his mother's corpse lying closeby, but Jin-e took his hand and guided her head so her eyes were facing him. "Don't be scared of me either." He stepped closer again. "I'm leaving in less than a year to join the Shinsengumi. They want me to take the rest of the year to train and prepare for my service. When I'm not training or sleeping, I want to spend that time with you."

Chisa started crying harder…Too many things were happening at once. The need to see him, the strangers, the assault, that first kiss, his mother, and now the Shinsengumi. She became light headed and her vision became swimmy. Chisa blacked out.

When she came to only a few minutes later, Jin-e was sitting in the floor with her head on his lap. He had wiped the blood off his face and hands with an old rag.

"Please don't leave. You'll die." She said, tears welling in her eyes again.

"Stop crying. I told you, I want to enjoy what time I have with you before I go. Things will be different after." He stared at her intensely, not knowing how true his words were.

Chisa buried her face in his chest and sobbed harder. She had been wanting to have time with just him for so long and now it was being taken away from her after their first kiss. He rubbed his hand on her back.

"So where do we go from here?" She hiccuped.

Out of nowhere, there was a voice at the door. It was Mr. Kitagawa.

"Jin-e, are you home? Chutaro said no one has seen Chisa this evening."

There was essentially nowhere Chisa could hide. She hiccuped again trying to choke back her tears. Her father knocked on the doorframe. "Jin-e, if you know something please tell me where my daughter is."

Being true to Mr. Kitagawa, he stood to go to the door. Chisa looked at him and shook her head "no" at him, begging him with her eyes. He didn't listen and he went to let her father in. She didn't know if he simply wasn't thinking or if he simply didn't care.

Chisa was certainly not looking her best. Her hair, despite Jin-e's brief effort, was falling out of its braid. Her kimono was gaping in the front and her obi was loose from the men grabbing at it. And the blood of course. The bottom of her kimono was spattered lightly and there were still light smears on her face and neck, though this was harder to see at first glance. She had no idea what she was going to tell her father.

As the door slid open, Mr. Kitagawa immediately locked eyes with his daughter who was still sitting on the floor. She continued crying, feeling caught in a trap. Her father studied her for a moment and whipped his head to look at Jin-e. He could no longer look the boy in the eyes without glancing upward. "What is going on here?" This was the first time he had sounded angry with Jin-e.

He told him the full truth including the news about his mother, hoping to be believed. It was a long shot given Chisa's appearance, the time of night, and the secrecy. She stood and showed her father the blood. He still seemed pensive, until he looked into the bedroom and saw Aiko's body. He pushed his way inside the small apartment and held a hand out to Chisa. "We'll tell your mother that you made a poor decision coming here and Jin-e came to your rescue. We will step outside so you can fix yourself." He shifted his gaze towards the younger man again. "I hope for all our sakes that this story is true."

When they were outside, Mr. Kitagawa opened an uncomfortable conversation. "Jin-e, we've talked about women before you know. And Akari."

"Sir, it was nothing like that, despite how she looked. Those men, they would have…" Jin-e didn't finish the sentence.

"She has to be married one day, you know. Her husband will…" Mr. Kitagawa didn't finish his sentence either. Jin-e wasn't sure what he meant to say. "That aside, have you contacted anyone about your mother?"

"Yes, sir. They're coming in the morning."

"Good. Be at our house after training. I hear you will be there for longer hours moving forward, but stop by. I will have work for you to earn a living until you enter the Shinsengumi." Mr. Kitagawa made direct eye contact.

"You heard?"

"Of course. I'm paying your tuition. They told me that was the plan." He nodded. "Does Chisa know?"

"Yes sir. I just told her. She doesn't want me to leave."

"Does that change your plans?" Mr. Kitagawa truly wanted to know the answer.

"Not at all." Jin-e said flatly.

Chisa stepped outside, slightly improved, but big tears were still running down her face. Her father patted her shoulder and motioned for them to leave. She turned around, making eye contact with Jin-e one last time that evening. "Good night, Jin-e…"

"Good night, Chisa."

Chapter Text

"Good night, Jin-e…"

"Good night, Chisa."

Back in present day Tokyo:

They were inching closer to Jin-e's life as a hitokiri, which would be a turning point for Chisa's "love story." Kenshin and Kaoru knew she was trying to buffer the hurt with things that she relied on to get through her days, weeks, years. Kaoru was thinking about Kenshin again; wondering if he had any memories that buffered the hurt that he must have felt as a young teen becoming a hitokiri. Kenshin had become silent but occasionally glanced at Kaoru across from him to make sure the talk of Kurogasa hadn't upset her too badly. She seemed engaged and relatively relaxed. He was relieved.

"Chisa-dono, are you ok?" Kenshin looked at her with concern, thinking back to the different emotions she must be feeling from everything, including seeing Jin-e's body. "You've had a taxing day."

"All things considered, I do not feel poorly. This has been rather…I wouldn't say a happy occasion, but very worthwhile. You all have been excellent company, and I greatly appreciate you taking your time to listen to me. You have my gratitude." She smiled sweetly.

Kenshin thought about wanting to express his gratitude to the others earlier. He wished he would have been more openly grateful to Kaoru. She deserved it.

"So what's next?" Yahiko chimed in.

Chisa thought for a moment. "The seemingly brief period of time before he left for the Shinsengumi. One of the last times I saw him before he became a murderer."

Kaoru glanced at Kenshin this time, if only briefly, to see his reactions. She was again thinking about the origins of Battosai. Without knowing it, her thoughts mirrored a mental question Chisa had earlier in the day: If Jin-e couldn't come back from the war without going mad, how did the legendary Battosai become so…domesticated?

Chisa continued. "Even after the night in his apartment, my father still somehow was able to convince my mother to allow me to spend time with the two boys as long as we were all together. She knew what my feelings were, but also knew that it was a simple childhood (though nearly adulthood) infatuation. Jin-e took on jobs for my father, moving metal that he used in his shop, sweeping up scrapings, or sharpening blades. He only had a half-an-hour or so where we could see each other, even supervised. Meanwhile, I was plotting about how to get Jin-e to stay and not join the Shinsengumi." She shook her head, seemingly at her own adolescent folly.

"I knew he wasn't going to be far even if he did join since the group was based out of Kyoto, but something seemed so final about it. A few nights before Jin-e left, I had a frank conversation with my father that went exactly how I needed it to. My plan was falling into place." Chisa had a look of confidence on her face, the first time the Kenshingumi had seen this.

"The last night he came to our house, I simply snuck off with him to our fishing spot that Akari had suggested. I think my father knew, but turned a blind eye at the time. We sat on the ground for a while and he just held me silently for around fifteen minutes before I got the courage to tell him what my father had said."

Kaoru, having also been held by Jin-e (Kurogasa), subconsciously shuttered.

"I told him that my father gave us permission to marry, even if he proceeded to join the Shinsengumi and despite our youth. We were just eighteen. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, lying in the grass on that summer night being held by a man I felt like I loved." She smiled; in her eyes was an air of warmth.

They all smiled with her, except Kenshin who suddenly recalled a detail from earlier in the day.

"When I told him this…he told me 'I can't ever do that.' The finality of the word 'ever.' I swallowed hard and couldn't even cry. 'Ever.'"

Kenshin had remembered that they had only been married thirteen years from the present day.

"What young Chisa didn't know, that Jin-e told me much later, is that he already anticipated what role he would be playing in the war, even if it was post-Shinsengumi: hitokiri. He swears…swore that was the only reason he told me no; so he could protect me. He said he didn't want me to be a young widow." She laughed. "Look at me now."

Kenshin suddenly felt guilty, though deep down he knew he was not at fault. He was involved in this woman becoming a young widow. Kaoru privately recalled seeing the moment Chisa became a young widow. Yahiko read Kenshin's expression and tried to make eye contact with him.

Sanosuke, who had been silent for some time, asked, "How did you respond?"

Chisa tilted her head, "Well, after that he hugged me and kissed me. It was the last time before he left. That was that."

"That was that? He just left? You've spared no detail this whole time and you just give a 'that was that'?" Kaoru insisted.

"Kaoru-dono…" Kenshin gave her a look that said "be gentle." She nodded back and then redirected her gaze towards Chisa.

Chisa, however, was lost in a memory. The truth was that there were parts to that story that just belonged to her and Jin-e; parts that even Akari didn't know. She didn't tell how after he told her that he wouldn't ever marry her, she tried to leave but he grabbed her wrist. She didn't say how he pulled her onto his lap and kissed her again. She didn't say how he told her that she was the only thing that would keep him alive through the war. She didn't tell how he took her innocence that night on the damp grass in the summer heat.

That was just her story now. That was that.

Chapter Text

Kaoru recognized that things may be winding down for the day for everyone, so she went to fix dinner. She chose to serve grilled fish which she felt confident enough to cook without Sanosuke mocking her. She was wrong of course, but she tried at least.

"I can't believe we let you cook…" Sano grumbled.

"Shut it, Rooster!" Kaoru growled.

Chisa laughed, but she was exceptionally exhausted. She had traveled the previous night from Shiga to arrive in Tokyo. Then were the great contrasts: Seeing the corpse of the man she had cared about, telling the stories about their life together, but seeing first hand the people he had terrorized. She covered her mouth and yawned.

Yahiko laid back on the ground, put his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes. Kenshin checked in again with Chisa. "Everything ok?"

"Just been a long week really; I never sleep well when Jin-e isn't home…" She thought about it and realized that he would never be home again. That, at that moment, his body may be on its way to being engulfed in flames, flesh melting off bone, all that he was being burnt away. He would never be home, but he would never be able to hurt anyone ever again. He would never be able to scare her or control her or manipulate her again.

"Keep your hair out of your face."

She swiped her hair behind her ears subconsciously.

Kenshin moved to sit closer to her. "What can be done for you in this moment?"

"Nothing. You've all done enough. After dinner, I'll join Akari at the inn. She's heavily pregnant and I hate to leave her for too long. If it isn't too much trouble, I'd like to stop by tomorrow to finish up my stories."

"Oro? Isn't Akari around ten years older than you?" Kenshin did some quick math.

"Yes. She's always been one to live life her own way, even if that means having a new child that is younger than her grandchild." Chisa giggled. "When I say that I've always wanted to be like her, I do not mean all parts of her life."

"Look at you now. A pity." A familiar voice laughed.

Chisa looked up and standing behind Kenshin was Kurogasa himself, black eyes glaring at her. His wakizashi was protruding from his chest; blood dripping from his mouth and nose. His right arm was hanging limply. Her eyes widened and her jaw began shaking. She gasped and fell backwards from where she was sitting and hit her head on the ground.

"Chisa-dono!" Kenshin rushed to her side. "What's wrong?!"

"…the wife of a hitokiri. A true pity."

Chisa wasn't crying, but she had a wild look in her eyes. Kenshin tried to help her up and she swatted him away stubbornly. "I'm more than that!" She yelled at nothing, sounding frustrated. When she looked up, Kurogasa was gone.

Kenshin stood back and waited for her to regroup a bit. She told him that she was fine, but he recognized the lie and didn't want to press the issue. She stood, brushed herself off, and pulled a leaf from her hair. Sano, Kaoru, and Yahiko just stared at Kenshin for a moment and tried to go back to what they were doing, but watched Chisa out of the corner of their eyes. She was sweating despite the chill in the air, and breathing heavily.

She knew she needed to leave, but she had already implied that she would stay for dinner. She pulled a kerchief out of her bag and dabbed her forehead and mouth. Kaoru was already finishing up, so maybe it wouldn't take much longer. She hoped Akari would be able to settle her down a bit. She was just tired, that was it.

She ate quietly, as did the others following her small outburst. She was rather embarrassed, but chose to not acknowledge that she had said or done anything odd, which she had. To see Kurogasa, not her husband Jin-e, standing there just as Kenshin had described, was a bit overwhelming. She did her very best to avoid Kurogasa when he was living and most of the time she was successful. She thought about the first time she met him.

Two months after Jin-e's departure from the Shinsengumi:

Prior to his violent departure from the Shinsengumi and knowing what his own plan was, Jin-e had purchased the homestead at Shiga in preparation. He moved Chisa in a few weeks afterwards, taking her hours away from her parents and her previous life. She was glad for the change and excited to be on a new adventure with Jin-e. Akari had not moved nearby quite yet, but was in her preparations. Chisa's parents had not been especially fond of her move and her father revoked his permission for the two to marry. Jin-e honored this and chose not to marry Chisa.

On this particular night, Chisa had been alone for a week. Jin-e had been taking any jobs he could, but she wasn't sure where he was going or when he was coming back. He instructed her before every job that if he was gone more than two weeks to just go home to Kyoto because he was dead. She would pass the time reading, gardening, and caring for their chickens and two horses; anything to break from the dread and boredom.

Chisa was laying in bed awake when suddenly the door slid open and Jin-e was standing there. She ran to greet him, but before he could respond, he jerked his head around behind him and faced the moonlit property. He stepped outside. Without thinking, Chisa ran to his side to see what he was looking at. "Hmm…Who could be hiding out here?" He thought out loud and walked further into the yard. "Chisa, you go back inside." She felt frozen and didn't move.

"You have two choices: You come out now and I kill you, or like a coward you wait until you think I'm sleeping and break into my home and I kill you. Or should I come to you?" Jin-e laughed.

A tall man wearing black hakama walked out from behind the tree line, sword drawn. Jin-e laughed, but stayed where he was standing. The man walked closer slowly. "You're a traitor to the Shinsengumi. You'll die tonight." He spat at Jin-e.

"Well, come here then. I'm not coming to you." Jin-e was standing deadly still.

The assassin was close enough that Chisa could see his eyes, they met hers. "Draw your sword, Kurogasa."

"No." Jin-e said simply.

The man paused, not sure what to say. Jin-e laughed harder. "Come on then! You're prolonging your own suffering!"

The man ran at Jin-e, but in an instant he froze mid-stride. "It's…true…" He gasped. Chisa was confused at what she was seeing. He didn't just stop running, it was different than that.

Jin-e, or Kurogasa as he was at this time, walked calmly up to the man and drew his wakizashi. Chisa knew she should leave but she couldn't stop watching. She could see the fear in the assassin's eyes. He grabbed the man by the hair and decapitated him lightning fast. Chisa gasped and clapped both hands over her mouth. She couldn't even scream. The body fell to one side and Jin-e took an audible breath, staring up at the moon. He sighed, seemingly satisfied, and turned around with the assassin's head still in his hand. Chisa looked in his eyes; they were black.

He walked up to her quietly, still smiling, and dropped the head at her feet like a cat presenting its owner its catch. "I told you to go inside." Chisa finally screamed, tears running down her face.

"Look at you now. A pity. All of this noise over one little rat. And you say you want to be the wife of a hitokiri. A true pity." Kurogasa shook his head and walked into their home.

Chisa sat outside alone for about half-an-hour, not even bothering to move the assassin's head. Her options were to go inside with Jin-e, which she knew she had to do at some point, or stay outside in the moonlight where she could just sit alone in the silence. Jin-e made the decision for her. He came back outside and wordlessly picked up the head, then the body, and carried them to the side of their shed. When he returned to Chisa, he held out his hand to her and she was too scared to refuse. They returned inside.

In the candlelight, Chisa got a better look at Jin-e's eyes. "Your eyes…Jin-e, what happened to your eyes?" She whispered.

"They'll go back." He chuckled, "You can go home, you know."

"I don't want to go home." Chisa lied.

"Good, I don't want you to." He lit a cigarette, took a deep drag, and sat in the floor.

Chisa returned to her bed silently, praying for sleep and praying that whoever came home tonight would stay out of her room.

Chapter Text

Early morning hours of the night Chisa met Kurogasa:

"A pity."

Chisa didn't sleep at all that night, but neither did Kurogasa. He stayed by their front door, sword nearby, and waited in case the assassin had been followed. Once in a while she would hear a cigarette being lit in the next room, but overall everything was silent. She was haunted by what she had seen, but she knew that after his "pity" comment that she had to stand up for herself to some degree. She gathered her courage and walked into the next room.

Kurogasa was still seated where he had been when she went back to bed. He looked genuinely surprised that she came out to speak to him.

"Please don't come home like this again. I don't know what you need to do to recover and simply be the person I've lived with the past few months, but I didn't come all this way to live in fear of you. It's a pity that I have to feel this way about a person I care about." Her eyes were full of fire, a rarity for the generally docile Chisa.

Kurogasa laughed lightly. "Now that is the face of a woman that could be a hitokiri's wife."

"I am serious. I don't want you home like this." She glared at him.

He stood to face her and she looked up at him, scared, but pretending that she wasn't. He patted her on the shoulder. "Understood, but if anyone tries to invade our home again, you can expect this."

"Understood." Chisa turned to go back to bed, but he grabbed her wrist.

"I like you like this." He smirked at her.

She jerked her wrist back and without a word returned to bed, where she proceeded to avoid sleep.

Back in present day Tokyo:

While Chisa was finishing her meal, she kept hearing Kurogasa's words echo in her head. By the look on her face, it was clear to the others that perhaps she had overdone it for the day and it was definitely time for her to have some time to herself or to decompress with Akari.

"Thank you all again. This has been incredibly meaningful to me, but I am ready for some rest." She said; her eyes looked heavy.

The others wished her goodbye and she began a slow walk back to the inn.

On her way, she came upon a shrine on the side of the street. It wasn't especially beautiful or elaborate, but she decided that she would stop by to say a prayer for Jin-e's soul. As she approached, she saw him come from behind a fence, dressed in his full Shinsengumi garb.

"Been a long time…"

Chisa chose to not speak to this vision, or spirit, or hallucination. Whatever it was, it was simply the product of stress and exhaustion. She walked by it without acknowledging it; its eyes did not follow her. It vanished. She said her prayer and continued on her way.

As she was walking, she began thinking about the years that he was in the Shinsengumi; that was the next place she would be starting her stories in the morning with her gracious hosts. She never saw him much during that time and he chose to not speak about them much, so she wasn't sure how far those tales could even go. One thing was for certain, those years took a boy who had a penchant for fighting and a knack for swordsmanship and turned him into someone who enjoyed killing for sport.

She had other stories on her mind as she walked as well, excited to get back to the room and rest. Her memories in Shiga were complicated. When things were going well and Jin-e was home, she was typically content and occasionally happy. When Jin-e was gone or Kurogasa came home, things were different. She thought about a time when things weren't so bad.

One year after Jin-e's departure from the Shinsengumi, fourteen years prior to present day:

It was an extremely cold winter, marked with frequent and deep snowfalls. Jin-e had chosen to take on very few contracts, if only because he had concerns about the snow making him easier to track. Chisa had begun to settle into her lifestyle in relative isolation. Akari had moved with her child, a sixteen year old boy named Daisuke, to Shiga as well, about an hour from Chisa and Jin-e. She was now a widow, with her husband having been killed in the war.

Aside from occasional ventures into nearby Otsu for supplies or groceries, Chisa and Jin-e were at home together. They would play cards, read, cook, or just talk about times when they were kids. Jin-e of course could train in the cellar, which he did for several hours a day. Chisa knew Jin-e was bored, but she had sacrificed enough for him and he could make a small sacrifice for her.

Before Jin-e's most recent contract, Chisa had come down sick but he chose to continue anyway. Akari stopped by to care for Chisa and, as anticipated, by the time Jin-e returned he had a fever. He did his best to pretend he was feeling fine, but ultimately gave up once Akari went home. Both spent three days stuck in bed, miserable and coughing, hoping that whatever they had would pass relatively quickly. By day four, Jin-e was well enough to continue with his chores but Chisa was still bedfast; since childhood she had always been predisposed to illness.

"Wake up…" Jin-e lightly shook her. "If you don't start improving, we're going to the doctor in town."

"Leave me alone…" She groaned, hiccuped, and pulled her blanket over her head.

Jin-e was careful about them going into town together, not wanting to risk exposure. This was beginning to become an emergency situation, however. Chisa's color had not improved, she wasn't able to keep food down, and she was still keeping a fever. He helped her dress warmly and they rushed to the doctor by horseback.

When they arrived at the hospital, it seemed that the harsh winter was taking its toll on many. It was standing room only in the waiting area, which frustrated Jin-e for Chisa. She was breathing heavily and noticeably uncomfortable, leaning hard against him to stay upright. He hadn't ever seen her this sick, but having just recovered from the same illness he knew it wasn't anything to scoff at.

After over an hour, the doctor called Chisa for her examination. Jin-e was able to chat with the doctor briefly before the exam and gave him some context about what the illness was like when he had it, but was asked to step outside during the exam itself after the doctor discovered they were unmarried. Jin-e didn't like this at all.

After about fifteen minutes, the doctor opened the door to the exam room and asked him to step inside. He was organizing some medications to send home with them. Chisa was seated in a chair by an exam table with a hot rag on her forehead. She seemed barely aware that either man was in the room.

The doctor handed the packet of medications to Jin-e. "She has some compound issues, both of which are caused by cold winters like this. She's the fifth case I've seen just today that has both."

"Both what? Will she recover?" Jin-e looked at Chisa, concerned.

"Her chest congestion should clear up soon with no issue. But…"

"But what?" Jin-e was growing angry.

Chisa looked up at him with wide, wet eyes.

"Well, I believe this girl is pregnant."

Present day Tokyo:

Chisa remembered that day well and while it was terrifying, it was one more memory she could hold onto to get through what she anticipated to be long, difficult nights moving forward.

Finally, she got back to the inn, beyond ready for sleep. She slid the door open to her room.

"Mama!"

Chapter Text

"Mama!" A little voice called out.

Akari had spent the day babysitting Chisa's two young children, Chiori, thirteen, and Yuuta, six. She took them to visit a few temples, out to some shopping streets, and found a few sweet shops; anything to distract them from why they were in Tokyo in the first place.

Chiori had a complicated relationship with her father, with feelings much like her father had for his mother. The two preferred to coexist with very few interactions with one another. She had found out just two years prior what her father did for a living, though she did not have an understanding of the true depravity that he carried with him. Even when she was much younger, parenting was low on his priority list.

She greatly resembled her mother, but was tall for her age and had Jin-e's eyes. She loved spending time with her aunt Akari, as she had little respect for either parent. To Chiori, her mother was weak for staying married to her father. After she found out about her father's profession, and being old enough to remember days when they had to escape to her aunt's house, she refused to stay at home and went to live with Akari instead.

Yuuta, on the other hand, was a very happy child. He loved his mother, and his father was much more interested in spending time with a son versus a daughter. Jin-e would take him down to the cellar and give him basic swordsmanship lessons. This made the child highly interested in swords, as these were the only times he really saw his father. He closely resembled Jin-e, with very few of his mother's features. He did seem to have Chisa's agreeable nature, however.

"What did you three do today?" Chisa smiled as she looked down at her son, who had attached himself to her leg.

"Oh, you know. This and that. What about you?" Akari asked while braiding Chiori's hair. Chiori didn't acknowledge that her mother had returned.

"I got the watch back and I'll pick up the ashes tomorrow evening. No luck on the wakizashi." Chisa said, pulling the watch out of her bag. "I met an interesting group of people today; they let me tell my stories at length. I'm going to go back to see them tomorrow. It was nice for it to not just be you."

Akari laughed at this. "I'm glad it's not just me too!"

"Mama! Auntie got us hot sweet potatoes!" Yuuta shouted, crawling onto his mother's lap.

Chisa tousled her son's hair. "After little ears go to bed, I'll tell you about who I got to meet today, Akari."

"What about me?" Chiori chimed in, at last engaging with Chisa.

"You're more than welcome to stay up. You know why we're here." The poor girl had put in her time with Kurogasa, she deserved to feel included.

After Yuuta went to sleep, Chisa told an abbreviated version of how Jin-e ended his life following a battle with the legendary hitokiri Battosai, but avoiding most of the details involving Kaoru. That was a story for another time. She was sure to elaborate on how kind Kenshin had been, and how he was seemingly living to atone for what hurt he caused. Chiori stayed without comment while her mother was speaking, seemingly processing for the first time that her father really was dead.

"So he really is gone now? Not like the other times when he came home a week or so late?" She sounded a bit confused.

"He's really gone. I saw his body this morning to confirm." Chisa said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Huh. I didn't think it could happen…" Now Chiori sounded surprised, but the relief in her voice was palpable.

Akari was always uncomfortable when Chisa and Chiori spoke to one another, especially when Jin-e was the subject. She cared very much for both of them and they both relied on her, but they had low mutual understanding of each other. She couldn't say the last time the two had a semi-pleasant conversation. Akari changed the subject before the inevitable "I'm glad he's dead" came out of Chiori's mouth.

"Tomorrow do you think you'll be gone most of the day again? We're thinking about checking out a nearby park and maybe having a picnic."

"Enjoy your day together. The children have never been able to see much outside of Shiga so take the opportunity while it's there." Chisa smiled at her daughter, who quickly looked away.

As they all laid down to go to bed, Chisa thought about her children. They had told them that their father was a former samurai who worked with people in the government and had to travel sometimes. A bit on-the-nose, but the children didn't know better. She thought about how Chiori had always been a bit of a difficult child; headstrong, confident, and blunt. She loved her for it, seeing characteristics in her that Chisa could never see in herself. Jin-e said that Chiori reminded him of his mother, which broke Chisa's heart.

Things were much different with Yuuta. His was a planned pregnancy, with Jin-e praying for a boy. A protégé. A successor. After a difficult pregnancy and birth with Chiori, they weren't certain that they would be able to have another child. This made him all the more important to both of his parents. Chisa did (what she felt like was) her best to make up for the love Chiori was not shown by her father. Chisa did not feel like Jin-e disliked his daughter, but he certainly didn't know how to be a parent. Children can pick up on these things easily, however, and Chiori was quite clever.

Chiori was at the front of Chisa's mind as she fell asleep.

In a dream, she was transported back to a memory…

Jin-e had left for a job in the Hyogo prefecture a few days prior; it wasn't far so she didn't anticipate him being gone so long. She was around seven months pregnant with Yuuta and so she was glad he had agreed to stay relatively close. It was a hot summer and Chisa was feeling miserable, not counting the paranoia that came along with being alone in the mountains with a small child.

On this particular night, Chiori was not sleeping well. The young girl had already been asking questions about the new baby, which made Chisa nervous. She remembered being small and uncertain when she found out that her mother was pregnant with baby Rin. She hoped that she would be able to be a good mother to both.

Chisa had fallen back asleep when Chiori patted her on the face. "Mama, he's home." She whispered. Chisa rolled over, assuming things to be fine.

"Mama…" she whispered again. "Mama, something is wrong with Papa."

This chilled Chisa. She looked up to see Jin-e, eyes black, clothing splashed with blood, staring at her and Chiori.

"Papa, you're hurt…" the little girl said softly.

"Have you girls been good while I've been gone?" He smiled at them.

"Get back, Jin-e." Chisa sat up carefully.

To her horror, Kurogasa bent down and picked Chiori up. She squirmed a bit, looked him in the face, and frowned. "Your eyes are wrong, Papa."

Chisa jumped up. "Put her down now."

Kurogasa just smiled and walked into the other room with the little girl. Chisa grabbed a knife that she kept in the bedroom and ran after them. He had put Chiori down by the door, patted the girl on the head, and turned to her mother. Chisa was dripping with rage.

"I got her a present and I simply wanted to show her." He coolly explained. He pulled out a small jewelry box and opened it. There was a thin gold chain inside. He took a step towards his daughter.

"If you touch her again..." Chisa had started her sentence without first thinking of what threat she was going to make. She realized that at this point Jin-e was, from their young daughter's perspective, the more rational one. Saying she was going to kill him would just scare Chiori.

Chiori started crying, scared. Kurogasa looked at her, shook his head, and redirected his gaze to Chisa. "Put the knife down. You're scaring the little one."

She took a breath and stepped closer to them. "We're going to Akari's. Go down to the cellar and stay there until we leave." She stepped closer again.

Kurogasa handed the jewelry box to his crying daughter, approached Chisa, and held out his hand for her to hand him the knife. She placed the knife in his hand without letting go of the handle, and when his hand began to close around it, she pulled it back suddenly, leaving a deep cut in his palm. Blood dripped into the floor and he laughed. "I wasn't expecting that. Good work."

She awoke sweating, shaking, and gasping for air. She looked around the room, expecting Kurogasa to be standing in the doorway.

He wasn't.

Chapter Text

Chisa found it exceedingly difficult to get back to sleep that night, which was unfortunate because she was exhausted from the past few days. She knew Chiori was right, that she had no business staying in the marriage like she did, but she did what she felt was right to protect her children. She squeezed Yuuta in his sleep, and he wiggled a bit.

She was looking forward to speaking with the Kenshingumi again. She thought about Kaoru, how scared she must have been. If Chisa had just been brave enough to go to the authorities, maybe things would have been different. Maybe they wouldn't have. He already told his targets the time and date he would be appearing, so it's not like the authorities were surprised by his location. Maybe she could have killed him in his sleep. These were all things that went through her mind.

She found herself crying again, grieving for a man she cared for but who no longer had possessed the capacity to care for her. She squeezed Yuuta again and wished she could hold Chiori. By the time she was about to return to sleep, she saw the sun was coming up and everyone else was starting to stir. Once they were awake, there was no point in her trying to sleep.

She got dressed in silence and sat back down on the bed, staring at nothing. Chiori looked at her mother, went to get dressed herself, came back, and sat beside her.

"You know it's best that he's gone." The girl read her expression.

"I know." Chisa whispered, trying not to draw Yuuta's attention.

"I'm glad he's dead." There it was. Exactly what Akari was hoping wouldn't happen.

"I know that too. Please know that things are not that simple for me." Chisa looked at her hands. This was a message she just kept trying to tell everyone. Jin-e's life just wasn't simple.

"I know that. I just wish you could have thought more about us." Chiori looked at Yuuta, who gave a look of confusion.

This hurt Chisa deeply, but was also a source of misguided anger at Chiori. Leaving the marriage was simply not an option in her mind; when things were good with him, he was protective and seemingly normal. He could do all the things a husband would, aside from parenting, and was still a close friend. Kurogasa only appeared once or twice a year at their home, though every time he did, they were memories that she couldn't shake. Chisa chose not to respond to her daughter, said that she was leaving, and walked out the door.

She walked to a restaurant and ate breakfast quietly alone. She wished she could have brought Yuuta with her. He was such a comfort to her. She knew things would change as he got older. She was certain that he would become resentful like his sister, but in the interim she wanted to enjoy his sweet little personality. She wondered if that's what Jin-e could have been like if he would have had a normal childhood; if he wouldn't have joined the Shinsengumi. Probably not. She felt more and more that something was simply broken in him. She prayed every night that it wasn't broken in her son and daughter too.

After eating, she found her way back to the Kamiya Dojo. No one was outside, so she hoped they weren't still asleep. It wasn't that early but she just wasn't certain. Without knowing, Sanosuke hadn't been far behind her on the walk there.

"Morning! You get much sleep last night? You sure look like you didn't." He said bluntly.

Chisa laughed, "I appreciate your honesty. I didn't."

Sano popped his head in the door of the dojo and yelled for the others.

"Come on, let's go inside. It's too chilly out here to just sit around."

Inside, Kenshin had prepared tea and breakfast for the group. Chisa took some tea and took a seat on the floor.

"Did you sleep well, Chisa-dono?" Kenshin asked with a smile.

"I got enough to be here today." She returned the smile.

The five of them chit-chatted for a bit, discussing how the evening went, what their plans are for the next couple of days, this and that.

"Let's see…I believe I left off on the day before he left for the Shinsengumi. I'm afraid I can only provide vague details from rumors of what I heard and what little Jin-e himself told me. He was private about that time in his life. I don't know if he was trying to shelter me and didn't want me to know how things were going, but I didn't hear much. I do know that between the last night we were together before then, and the next time I saw him, he was drastically different. He wasn't a child anymore, though I still felt like I was. There was a look in his eyes that had changed."

Kenshin looked pensive. "Do you know if he was able to use the shin-no-ippo by then?"

"I believe he could. I think that was the whole appeal of his enlistment. He had been in training for around ten years by that time. Again, the whole thing was very secretive. I didn't see it in person until we lived together much later, and even then I didn't know exactly what I had seen."

Chisa told the story of the first time she met Kurogasa, digressing slightly from the original topic. She skipped over the "pity" comment. She was still hurt over that. Afterwards, she regrouped.

"The first time I saw him again was mid-winter in Kyoto, though relatively warm. I had gone with Akari and her son Daisuke to lunch and to walk around to some shops. We noticed there were members of the Shinsengumi filtering around town, and while I was hopeful, I truly didn't think I would run into Jin-e."

"How long had it been since you last saw him?" Kaoru chimed in.

"About six months. I hadn't even heard from him." Chisa added. "Akari, Daisuke, and I were at a temple when suddenly I heard 'Been a long time…' from behind me. There he stood in full regalia. I was impressed."

Yahiko rolled his eyes.

"Akari excused herself and told me that she would meet me back at the house. I was grateful for this, naturally. He looked more confident and rugged. We went to a tea house and sat and talked for around an hour. I was, I hate to say love sick, but truly missed talking to my friend. We talked about how my father was doing, how truly irritating my etiquette classes continued to be, and things like that. Things changed when I asked about him. I told him that it was different seeing him with two swords at his hip, then asked if he was glad he made the decision to enlist. His whole demeanor changed. He shut down. He gave me a simple 'yes, I'm happy to serve a just cause' and that was it. He excused himself and left almost immediately."

"What did you think of that?" Sanosuke asked.

"I thought it was odd, but I just assumed he didn't want to talk about the things he had seen. Maybe he didn't, but I think he didn't want me to have more information than I should."

"Makes sense." Sano continued. "When was the next time you saw him?"

"The next time I saw him was also in Kyoto, maybe three months after that. A similar scenario: I was out and about and ran into him. Unfortunately, it was out and about meeting the family of a potential suitor for me and so it was incredibly uncomfortable. I was at a local restaurant with my father, and the boy and his family. He saw me and father first, and walked over and then saw the other family." Chisa winced slightly.

"How did he react?" Kenshin was still looking deep in thought.

"Did he get pissed?" Sano added.

"Not much a person can do when they refuse marriage. He made a point to speak to me first; just basic small talk. Father asked him how things were going, that manner of thing. Jin-e tried to make it seem a little cozy intentionally I think."

"What happened to the potential suitor?" Kaoru asked.

"It didn't work out for a number of reasons. I don't think Jin-e had anything to do with it, but his little visit made the rest of the dinner slightly uncomfortable. I told my father that I wasn't interested in marriage at that age, and the other family was more ready to move forward." Chisa finished her tea and sat her cup down beside her.

"Did you regret not pursuing that relationship further?" Kaoru grabbed the cup and filled it again.

"I don't. I suppose things happened how they were meant to happen. I do have regrets, but that potential marriage was not one of them. At any rate, those are the types of stories I had of Jin-e for the next four to five years. We would happen on to one another, and once or twice he visited our house. Then one day, he appeared in my room in the middle of the night."

"Why?" Kaoru turned her head.

"I didn't know it but a few weeks before that, he had fled the Shinsengumi and made quite a name for himself in doing so. Allow me to tell you what I know…"

Chapter Text

"I didn't know it but a few weeks before that, he had fled the Shinsengumi and made quite a name for himself in doing so. Allow me to tell you what I know…" Chisa tucked her hair behind her ears and continued.

15 years prior in Kyoto:

Chisa was immersed in a dream about nothing in particular, mostly fighting with Chutaro. Like siblings, but particularly twins, they found themselves quarreling occasionally and dreams were no exception. In this dream, however, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard. She took a swing at him, but it felt like her arm was punching through thick mud. He just kept shaking her. "Chisa!" He yelled at her.

She punched again, to no effect. "Chisa!" He yelled again and shook her harder.

He shook her so hard that she woke up. When she opened her eyes however, her nose was centimeters from Jine's. She went to scream out of surprise but he put his hand over her mouth before she could. He was no longer in his Shinsengumi garb and he had cut his hair.

"Shh…Be still." He whispered, removing his hand from her mouth slowly.

"Jin-e…" She spoke so softly, knowing her parents were asleep in a nearby room, and having no idea how he snuck in without waking them.

"I'm going to ask you once. If you say no, that's it. I'll never bother you or try to stay in your life again. You'll be able to move forward." Jin-e was solemn.

"What is it?" Chisa knew a tough decision was going to have to be made. Her eyes welled with tears in preparation for whatever was about to be said, for better or worse.

"I want you to come with me to Shiga to live. The preparations have already been made. I just need you to pack a bag." He sounded urgent.

"Jin-e, I can't just leave my family. There are so many decisions that go into this…" Her eyes were racing back and forth processing everything she would be leaving behind.

"I'll tell you one more time, Chisa. If you say no, that's the last you'll ever hear from me. We have to leave within the hour." He gestured to the door.

Chisa's heart was racing. Everything she had ever known had been in Kyoto; her family rarely traveled. Even though Shiga wasn't too far away, the prospect was still terrifying to her. Akari was in Kyoto and she was newly widowed, which was a great worry. But then she thought about the past five years: The worry if Jin-e was living, the worry of who he had become, the worry about being married off into an unknown family. She thought about how long she'd been waiting for him to want to be with her; how she'd been imagining that was how the course of her life would look.

She got out of bed wordlessly, and got dressed. She could see his face light up out of the corner of her eye, which made her smile. She threw some clothes and a few personal effects in a suitcase and penned a quick note to her family.

Mother and Father,

Please know I mean no ill will. I am moving not far from here and I shall be in touch in the future. I will be safe.

Akari,

I will be in contact with you first.

Much love to all,

Chisa

Jin-e grabbed her, kissed her, and the two quietly snuck out of the house into the night.

"Why now? What of the Shinsengumi?" Chisa was still confused but excited at the prospect of what was coming, not knowing what her life would eventually become.

"That's a story for when we are settled. We had differences in opinion in my role, we shall say." He kept his eyes forward and focused, hoping Chisa would drop the subject for the time being.

Jin-e had arranged for a very early morning carriage to take them as far as Otsu, after which it was a two hour walk on foot mostly uphill. They took their time, but walked in relative silence. She tried to keep in mind their surroundings, noting any landmarks in case she would ever have to find her way back there from the main city. It was still a bit too dark to see much, although the sun was finally beginning to rise. Chisa had no idea how long they had walked and he had not told her how long the walk would be, she just knew that her feet were hurting and that she was sweaty. She was hopeful they were close.

At last, at the crest of a hill was a farmhouse with a small amount of pasture and room for a garden. Jin-e turned to look at her and smiled, seemingly proud of himself. "This is it," he said. "I bought this property a month ago for us. I've been preparing things in the meantime for you to arrive."

"This is…ours?" Chisa sounded confused. "You purchased this on your own?"

Jin-e seemed taken slightly aback. He felt by Chisa's tone that she was implying that since he had been poor his whole life she was deeply shocked that it wasn't still the case. This wasn't what she intended, but that is how the comment was interpreted.

"I could have purchased something larger, you know, but I didn't want to draw attention to ourselves. This will suit our needs well." He sounded defensive.

Chisa decided to not ask any more questions about the property in that moment. Something about it was a touchy issue, but so was the Shinsengumi. She wondered what he actually would tell her.

They walked into their home together. It was plain and empty, but clean. The kitchen was closely attached to the living area which was right inside the front door. There were two bedrooms, one large and one small, and one bathing area, something that Chisa was very much looking forward to using. "Oh, I'd love a hot bath after that walk!" She said enthusiastically.

Jin-e went to heat the water with some wood he had cut and piled. While he was preparing that, Chisa meandered around the house a bit, opened her suitcase, and began to put the few things she brought away. She opened a chest to put away some clothes, but he must have already claimed the spot. All of his clothes were put away, but none of them were anything from his past in the Shinsengumi. It was all very odd.

He came and found her. "The bath is ready for you."

He stood for a moment in the bathroom, and Chisa looked back at him. She pulled at her obi, not breaking eye contact with him. "You can stay and keep me company."

Jin-e smiled, but there was a hint of apprehension with it. Almost like the whole thing was a trap. In spite of their liaison at the fishing spot, he had never seen Chisa fully nude. He turned his back to her out of courtesy, she undressed quickly, and lowered herself into the hot bath. He sat down by the tub, still turned away from her.

"You have to tell me what happened, you know. I have to know why you brought me all the way out here. Why is it, when you spent years preparing for your service with the Shinsengumi, that suddenly you have seemingly abandoned your post and have run off with me?"

"I told you, the leadership and I had differences in opinion." He said curtly.

"I'm going to have to know more than that if you want me to stay here." Chisa closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the edge of the tub.

"You don't need to know. I'll tell you when and if you need to know anything about it, and right now you don't need to know anything." He sounded irritated.

Chisa quickly twisted her body around in the tub, put both hands on his shoulders, and pulled him to face her. Jin-e looked surprised. She put her forehead on his.

"I'm telling you, I want to know. I deserve to know." She insisted.

He smiled, this time a different type of smile, but with the same air of apprehension. He would much rather just enjoy spending his time by Chisa in the bath. With that in mind, however, she would find out soon most likely if he wasn't the one to tell her.

"I'll tell you, but when you decide to leave I cannot take you all the way home. When you get to Otsu, you can catch a carriage back to Kyoto. You cannot give away my location." He instructed, certain she wouldn't stay.

"I'll be fine." She said softly.

"You don't understand the situation." He was angry now. He stood and turned to look down at her.

"I want to know what happened. I'm not afraid of you, I just want to know." She truly wasn't afraid of him at the time like she would be just a few months from that moment.

"I'm a hitokiri, Chisa. I'm not just a lowly servant to the shogunate. I have the power over life and death. And even among hitokiri, I have power that is unmatched by nearly all. I am superior." He was smiling again.

Chisa looked up at him with serious eyes. "So the Shinsengumi?"

"I was going to be disciplined for taking on contracts beyond my duties, contracts that I deemed necessary. I had to cut the head off the snake." He explained.

"What do you mean by that?" She didn't break eye contact.

"It was their heads or mine."

"Understood then. I only have one other question: Will I be safe here?" That was the first time she had looked concerned.

"I swear it. I will enjoy killing anyone who tries to hurt you." He smiled at her and knelt down beside her again, leaning in to kiss her on the neck.

Back in present day Tokyo:

Chisa had skipped over a couple details for Yahiko's sake, but told them what she knew.

Kenshin looked at Kaoru, then back at Chisa. "Did you ever find out how devastating his exit was for the Shinsengumi? How it actually went?"

"I did." She nodded. "I assumed he was telling the truth when he said he cut the head off of the snake, but my understanding is that decapitation became a bit of a hallmark for him at one time."

Kaoru scowled for the first time since the previous day. "You knew that much and stayed by his side when you were that young?"

"It's hard to explain, really. It seemed rational when I didn't know any better. I didn't know just how many people he had killed at the time. Of course, any number is too many for most people, but at the time finding a man who had served and hadn't killed anyone was a bit rare."

"And when he called himself a hitokiri?" Kaoru continued.

"I don't know what you are looking for me to say, Kaoru. I do not think I always made rational decisions, and I regret some of those decisions I made, but I cannot say I regret all of them." Chisa's eyes flashed at her.

"You let him continue under your own watch. You could have walked away." Kaoru challenged her.

Chisa felt like she was speaking to her daughter. She sighed and looked at Kenshin. "Well what do you know about that night with the Shinsengumi?"

Yahiko was watching Kenshin intently, which made Kenshin a bit uncomfortable given the topic. "It was a bloodbath by all accounts."

"That's what I heard. I know that there were at least twenty casualties, with few alive to tell any tales." Chisa looked down, knowing that Kaoru (and Chiori) had a point to their arguments.

"At least thirty, Chisa-dono…" Kenshin cringed slightly. "He told me when I was with him a few days ago that he had used a technique called…"

"'Grasp of the demon.' I am familiar." Chisa met Kenshin's eyes.

"Did he ever say anything else about that night with the Shinsengumi?" Sanosuke interjected.

"He did. He said he allowed himself to be arrested. He made a joke of them. When they brought him before the council, he waited until most of them were present and he used that technique. He, from what he said, destroyed his bonds, paralyzed the lot of them, and slaughtered them without question. He said at one point that he never experienced anything as thrilling as that night…" Chisa's voice dropped a bit.

"What was one of the most thrilling nights of your life, if that was his?" Kaoru asked, hoping to make things more pleasant for the older woman.

"The night my son was born, I would say, though that's an easy answer. There are others I could recall as well." Chisa sighed, thinking of Yuuta. She missed him terribly.

"You have a child?" Kaoru's expression changed, realizing some of the complications in Chisa and Jin-e's relationship.

"Children. We have...I have two children." She looked towards the door, hoping that maybe Akari would have followed her.

"Children…" Kaoru repeated.

"So what's next?" Yahiko asked.

"Let me see…" Chisa trailed off, still thinking about Yuuta.

Chapter Text

"Let me see…" Chisa trailed off, still thinking about Yuuta. "I would say that my tales are coming to a close. I feel satisfied that I have told our story as far as it needs to go without boring you with the monotony of those simple days when I was just happy, or worried, or taking care of my family."

"You mentioned that things had gotten worse with him the last several months, but never elaborated. Why do you think that was the case?" Kenshin nodded and asked.

"I believe he just needed more and more to feel satisfied by bloodshed. He distanced himself from me, from the children, from our home. I saw him less and when I did it was mostly at meals." A shadow seemed to come over her face. "When he came home, he was training, but he would also obsess over body counts; almost challenging himself to see what personal records he could break or how fast he could take down his targets."

"It's so hard to imagine him as a father..." Kaoru was thinking about how much she missed her own father.

"He was good at many things, but parenthood…simply wasn't one of them. He was never cruel to the children, though sometimes the way he would come home would scare them. This was mostly the case with Chiori, since she is older. He tried to teach Yuuta, our son, how to do jobs around the house or basic swordsmanship lessons. Our daughter is just a different story." Chisa sighed. "Anyway, in the past year, I would say Kurogasa came home half of the time. Last year, after coming home that way twice in a row, I decided we would begin staying with Akari when he was out on any contract. I told him to just come fetch us when things were better. I felt safer on many different levels."

"How old are your kids?" Yahiko, being young, must have been curious if he could relate to their ages.

"Our daughter Chiori is thirteen and our son Yuuta is six. So you're right in between their ages, I would guess." She smiled at him. "I was going to have Akari bring them over today, but I decided against it. This is a tough subject at the moment. Emotions are a bit raw for all of us in different ways."

Chisa looked away from the group. She could feel the sting of tears yet again. She was so sick of crying. Everyone recognised this and sat uncomfortably for a moment. When she regrouped, she looked at them all and smiled. "I hope you know how grateful I am to you all. I hope you can offer each other the same gratitude. You deserve each other." She was speaking to the group, but specifically looked at Kenshin and Kaoru, who were sitting near one another. Everyone nodded.

"Chisa-dono, this one hopes we have provided some form of comfort." Kenshin smiled, a hint of pity behind it.

"So what's next for you?" Sanosuke inquired.

"I have a few things to wrap up here in Tokyo, ashes to pick up and whatnot, but then I will go home. I'll see where I can go from here. My little family is what is important to me right now." Chisa smiled half-heartedly.

She looked behind Kenshin. "So beautiful…" Jin-e was sneering at her again. He reached his crushed right arm towards her face; it lolled at an unnatural angle. She turned her face away from him.

"I have the power over life and death." He continued.

"I suppose you don't." Chisa's voice dropped, then suddenly overcome with emotion she yelled, "Where were you when I really needed you?! Where were you those nights that a monster came home to my children?!"

Jin-e didn't respond.

Everyone looked at her; they assumed what she was going through at that moment, but obviously couldn't see what things she was seeing. She shook her head, realizing that she had been caught up by an apparition, a product of her strong emotions.

"I believe that is my sign to depart. I hope our paths cross again someday and I hope your own paths are marked by love, and safety, and things to be thankful for." She smiled. "I know I'll carry the past two days with me always."

Chisa stood, bowed to the four others (who were speechless at that moment), took one last look over Kenshin's shoulder at Jin-e, and walked out the gate.

Five years later in Tokyo:

It was hot summer days like this that made Kaoru miserable. She wanted nothing more than to sit quietly by herself, but her son Kenji was a clingy one. No matter the temperature, he insisted on being held. She supposed she was lucky that her son cared for her like he did, but sometimes she wished he was closer to his father.

Yahiko had taken on the role as the acting instructor of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu Kenjutsu Dojo, even at his young age. Kaoru was happy to provide guidance to him and the students but it gave her a great sense of pride that the school had come that far in her father's name.

Kenshin found himself observing the students many days and Yahiko's own progress as a swordsman. He didn't feel the need to supervise, but the idea that swordsmanship could be continued without violence was one that made him excited for the future.

Kenshin approached Kaoru and sat beside her and his son on the stoop, smiling. "How are you both on this day?"

Kenji scowled and pulled his father's hair. Kaoru did her best to delicately remove Kenshin's hair from Kenji's rather impressive grasp.

A voice came from outside the gate before they could answer. "Hello?"

Kenshin stood and walked in that direction. He was met by a rather gray-haired woman and a young man of about eleven. She was familiar to him but he couldn't immediately place the resemblance.

"Kenshin…" She smiled and put a head on the young man's head.

It occurred to him the moment he made eye contact with the boy.

"Chisa-dono…It is so nice to see you again." He bowed slightly and turned to her son. "And you are?"

"Kitagawa Yuuta. Nice to meet you." The boy smiled and returned with a bow.

The three of them stood for a few minutes and exchanged greetings. Chisa let Kenshin know that she had recently moved her family to Tokyo; she had remarried and her husband, a school teacher, found a better work opportunity there. She asked Kenshin how he had been, but before he could answer Kaoru came out to the front holding Kenji.

"Kenshin, who is it?" She asked before looking to see the answer.

Chisa saw Kaoru and Kenji and laughed. "Kenshin, I knew it. I knew as soon as I met you two that you were bound to end up…entangled." She laughed again. Kenji tilted his head.

Kaoru finally recognized their guest, not because of her face, but because of Yuuta's. His looks greatly favored his father and though his eyes were his father's as well, the expressions from them were his mother's.

After catching up with the two, she approached them with the true reason for her visit.

"I have a question for you both, and I want you to feel free to refuse." Chisa looked at Kaoru. "I am hopeful that you will accept my son as a student in your school."

Kenshin and Kaoru looked at each other. Kenshin knew the final answer was Kaoru's. There was a great pause. All knew there was history behind this request and the apprehension could be felt by all, including young Yuuta. Chisa continued her proposal. "We've discussed it. Yuuta knows his father's legacy and how it is one we have no interest in continuing. He would love to pursue swordsmanship, but your philosophy of a life-giving sword truly is an ideal way for us to live in repentance for the life of his father."

The silence continued for another moment. Kaoru looked Yuuta in the eyes. "And if I decide to take you on as a student, with Yahiko as your teacher, will you swear to dedicate yourself to this philosophy of katsujin-ken, swords that give life?"

The boy nodded and turned to his mother. She smiled and nodded back.

A few weeks later, Kenshin found himself watching Yahiko's students in their exercises. Although his opportunities to use the sakabato were fewer these days, he still felt a sense of pride for Kaoru and all that she built with her own swordsmanship and effort. He enjoyed the idea that the next generation may not have to think of swords as a means for killing only.

Occasionally though, he would watch young Yuuta and he would catch the boy watching him back; the son of a man who lost his humanity over the sight and smell of blood. He would catch a look in his eyes and couldn't help but see his father sometimes.

"Jin-e," Kenshin thought to himself, "you said before you died that you would be watching me from Hell. I sometimes wonder if this is what you meant."

Author's Note:

Dear Readers,

Thank you for making it to the end of The Other Side! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! With that in mind, I am considering adding bonus content at the request of those who are interested. If there is a part of Jin-e & Chisa's tale that you feel was not discussed or you would like to hear more about (the wedding, more stories with Kurogasa, etc.), leave me a review or message me letting me know what kind of content you would like to see and I'll try to make it happen! At any rate, I'd love to hear from you!

All my gratitude,

SomewhereLostInTranslation

Chapter Text

Bonus Chapter 1: A Job

The sun almost crackled as it came through the window of the cottage in the hills of Shiga. Jin-e awoke cold, alone, and tangled in his bedding. He had been home for nearly two weeks with no word from his "connector," who found clients who could use his services. He felt for a fleeting moment, lying on his futon, that he could grow accustomed to a more domesticated lifestyle, sleeping late and growing fat like an old gray tomcat. That thought was replaced quickly with hunger and a need to move. He could feel a familiar tension headache hitting right above his eyebrows, stemming from domesticity, which led to monotony, which led to discontentment. He knew he would have to leave soon.

Jin-e straightened himself and changed clothes, then found his way to the main living area, where Chisa was sitting with her back to the wood stove and sipping a cup of tea. It was a chilly fall morning and her hair was wet from the bath. He passed her wordlessly on his way to the table, where she had set up a small meal of natto and rice. Chisa hated natto but would never refuse to purchase or prepare it. She usually picked cooler mornings to serve it; when the stuffy heat of summer didn't accentuate the noisy odor.

After he began eating, Chisa padded across the floor and sat across from Jin-e at the low table. She looked puzzled.

"What? What's on your mind?" Jin-e looked up from his bowl and at Chisa, attempting to read her expression. She shook off his glance.

"I don't understand why I'm here." She tilted her head towards him.

"You mean in this world or do you mean here with me? Or is it something else entirely?"

"Well…it really depends…"

As Chisa trained off in thought, the door slid open. Usually this meant a visit from Akari, but this time when Chisa turned excitedly to see who it was, it was a short, stocky man with thinning hair and a bit of a limp. He was by no means imposing, but there was something off-putting about his presence.

This man, known only to Jin-e as "Goto", confidently approached the table and sat at a cushion. He looked expectantly at Chisa, tilting his head toward the kettle for her to fetch him a cup of tea. She hated visits from Goto.

"I've got some excellent news for you, Kurogasa." The unexpected visitor grabbed the tea that Chisa sat in front of him. He did not acknowledge her further. "The client you fulfilled a contract for a few weeks ago, Hitoshi-san, is dead. We thought that the family was going to avoid pressing the issue, but it seems that they are looking to ensure that this faction doesn't interfere with future changes in power in their family. They think it's internal."

"They think the murderer is a family member?"

"They say that they know that's the case, which is good enough for me to offer you the contract. It will bring in a significant amount for us." Goto smiled and patted his lap with both hands. "Meet me in two nights at my house in the early morning hours. I'll share all I know then."

Goto downed his tea quickly, despite the fact that it was scalding hot. Jin-e stared for a moment and then nodded and gestured toward the door. He tried to keep his private life and his love of work separate but sometimes he could only receive information while at home.

As the connector left, Chisa stood and walked to pick up the cup he had used. As she passed Jin-e, he caught her wrist and looked up at her. "I know you don't like visits from him. Just know that I have to have someone like him to do the work I do. If he were more likable, I would be skeptical if he could actually do the job well. I have never met a likable connector who knew what he was doing."

She pulled her wrist away. Jin-e stood and went back to their bedroom where he laid out a pack that he carried his things in; his characteristic black hat, clothes, items that made it seem that he was a merchant on his way to a supplier. This was a front that he often put on when traveling more populated roads. A man of his height and build already stood out enough. He didn't mind conflict or even the occasional back alley clash with law enforcement, but he did try to avoid it when he wasn't actively on a contract.

Chisa quietly approached him and touched his arm. He knew she always felt like each contract could be his last. Maybe she was right, but he certainly didn't think so.

"We've done this so many times, Chisa." He shook his head. "If you're scared, go stay with Akari."

"It's not about that. I wish I understood more why this is your profession; why you can't be satisfied with a quiet life."

Chisa made a face, which further irritated Jin-e. This was a common conversation when he was preparing to leave and one with which he was beginning to lose his patience. He told her she could leave at any time, though if she left, her life with him would be over for good. He refused to participate in the conversation further and turned back to packing his bag. Dissatisfied and feeling unseen, Chisa walked away.

A few days later, Jin-e did as Goto had said and met at his home, which was considerably large. Although it was well after midnight, Goto was sitting awake on his porch smoking a pipe. He handed Jin-e a packet of papers that contained a map, a photograph, details about the target's personal schedule, and a small advance on the payment he was to receive when the job was complete. He looked at the picture, smiled, and lit a cigarette.

"I always enjoy seeing the shift in your eyes between when you are at home with your woman to when you are ready to work." Goto exhaled a thick cloud of smoke as if sighing in relief. "The comparison is like nothing I've seen."

Jin-e's, or rather Kurogasa's, eyes were black.

As he left Goto's home, he walked steadily through the street and came to a small inn at around 6:00am. He had stopped there once before in his Shinsengumi days and was treated exceptionally well by the older couple. They showed Kurogasa to his room, presented him with a small meal, and walked away. He told them about an injury he had received during his travels that resulted in his eyes being that way. He knew they would otherwise be alarmed.

He settled himself and drew out a brush, ink, and a piece of paper that he had packed and penned his brief note:

You'll be visited at 1:00am in two mornings. I'm sure you're expecting company, although Hitoshi was not.

In the morning, he would send the sealed letter with a courier and continue to wait around the inn until the time came to leave. During this time, Kurogasa would sleep, visualize his target, and sharpen his swords. This was one of the most restful times in his life. At home, he was doing chores or training or spending time with Chisa, none of which made him feel truly rested. The solitude and silence was restorative and necessary for the work he did.

When the time came, he found his way to the estate of the Kato family. Although it was nearing one in the morning, Kurogasa could see the faint glow of candlelight in a second floor window. They were waiting on him and he knew they would be prepared.

Although no one was outside, he noticed the door was easily slid open. He could feel that a trap was set. He carefully stepped into the front room, where immediately he heard gunfire. Just one gunman, but the bullet grazed his upper arm. This changed nothing, as Kurogasa was immediately able to identify the location of the shooter, cast the shin no ippo, and decapitate him. The head hit the ground first, as the body then slumped over. Fresh blood spread on the floor, a dripping blade, the sting of a wound. All these were things that made Kurogasa feel truly alive.

Immediately following the gunshot, he could hear the weight of the others upstairs shifting the floorboards. The excitement was just beginning. He bound up the stairs, and came to the doorway where he knew most of the group would be. He took a breath and stepped inside.

He was greeted by additional gun fire that quickly subsided. In fact, all movement subsided. He had cast a sweeping shin no ippo which impacted all individuals (in this case eleven). All felt paralyzed, with the exception of their eyes that were wide with terror. Kurogasa lit a cigarette and strolled around the room.

He knew his target but made a showing of destroying every other individual before getting to him. He jabbed his wakizashi through the neck of one. He removed the hands of another and decapitated him. He methodically made his way through nine members and came to the tenth. This was a young man of maybe 19. It seemed that he was the son of his target. He averted his eyes from the son and made eye contact with his father and smiled. He could see the horror in his face; the anticipation of what was to come.

Kurogasa took his sword and nearly slashed the boy in two at the waist. At this point tears were flowing down the target's face, and suddenly he shook loose of the shin no ippo. He lunged at the hitokiri, but was met quickly with a wakizashi that penetrated his eye and exited the back of his head. The job was done.

Kurogasa surveyed the disarray, lit a scroll on fire with the butt of his cigarette, and exited the house. He had chills from the chaos and destruction he had created.

Chapter Text

Bonus Chapter 2: A Job (Continued)

Kurogasa surveyed the disarray, lit a scroll on fire with the butt of his cigarette, and exited the house. He had chills from the chaos and destruction he had created.

He made his way quietly back to the inn, trying to contain his excitement. He was able to carefully avoid any interactions with anyone; with his bloody clothes it would not be an ideal situation.

As soon as the door to his room slid shut, he sat in the floor and stared into nothing, lost in thought. Though the body count wasn't as high as he would have liked, the itch was scratched. He smelled his clothes: Pure blood and sweat. He sighed and popped open his pocket watch. Three in the morning. Although he was basking in the post-kill high now, if he waited a few hours he felt that he could return to Shiga without alarming Chisa. Without bringing Kurogasa home with him.

He shook thoughts of home away. This was his time to reflect and enjoy the thrill of the kill. It was a feeling that never got old, though he noticed he was needing more to feel fulfilled. More blood, more bodies, and a greater feeling of being feared by the pigs in power. He didn't mind this, but it did require more planning and more specific contracts from Goto.

He laughed out loud and caught himself before it went on too long. He settled down with his back to a wall facing the door. He was confident that he wasn't seen or followed, but not quite enough not to be careful. He would leave in the morning to head back towards his home. He fell into a light sleep and waited for the sun to rise.

A few hours later, he awoke feeling relaxed and satiated, but starving. It was a day's travel back to Shiga and so he knew he needed to get a bite to eat before moving on. He spoke to the couple at the inn one last time and had breakfast with them. By this time, the darkness of his eyes was fading. He could still feel the snake-like expression on his face as he looked down at the couple, but tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible.

"So, what is it that brings you to our town again?" The older woman asked.

He, whether he was Jin-e or Kurogasa, looked up from his meal. "I trade vegetables with a man here locally. My stock for his stock." A lie.

"Ah, many do the same here. Do you have a family?" She pressed further.

He thought of Chisa, home alone and waiting for him. They weren't yet married, but he did not want the couple to think ill of Chisa for their living situation. "Yes, a wife. No children."

"Oh, I'm certain those will come along. Maybe sooner than you think." She smiled at him. He didn't know at the time but he was around two or three months away from an extraordinarily cold and snowy winter.

He scoffed, finished his meal quietly, bowed to the couple and left. Children were a sensitive issue for him, as the child of an abusive mother and an absent father. He knew also that his profession put whatever family he did have at risk. Chisa was able to handle the seriousness of the situation; children might not.

A son though…He thought, to establish a bloodline. Carry on the Nikaido Heiho style, and perhaps the shin no ippo…

He shook the idea from his mind. Although loyalty was not a strength of his, he was taught to never pass down the technique to anyone and had no intention to do so.

Unless you had a son. The voice in his head pressed further, but he ignored it and simply continued down the road with his pack, making his way steadily back to the Shiga homestead.

When he arrived, the evening was beginning to wind down, with the sun glazing the fields with honey-colored beams. He saw Chisa's silhouette at the crest of the hill. He couldn't read her expression with the sun in his eyes, but he could see that she was wrapped in a shawl feeding their chickens. He approached quietly, letting her know that he was there as Jin-e, not the unpredictable Kurogasa. When he left, she had been seemingly upset about the state of his relationship with work, the requirement of days and weeks away, and the murder. He wasn't looking forward to the conversation he anticipated was coming.

They locked eyes. Chisa smiled at him playfully and ran inside the house, scaring the chickens. Jin-e broke out in a jog and followed behind her.

The house smelled like cooking rice, though there was nothing else cooking with it. Chisa didn't know when Jin-e would come and go and so she was never really prepared for his return.

"Go prepare a bath. You stink." She waved a hand in front of her face. "I'll join you when you're all settled."

He sat his pack down in a corner and went to set up the bath. He was relieved at Chisa's demeanor but wasn't expecting it given their last conversation. She was right though; he did stink.

He sank down in the hot water and felt his muscles relax. Coming back from a satisfying job was one thing, but having a bath after a long trip home was always something he looked forward to. Despite the chilly weather, Chisa stepped in the room in a thin yukata, and her hair was down from her typical braid or loose bun. She sat down by the side of the bath, faced Jin-e, and smirked at him.

He smirked back, grabbed her face, and pulled her to him. He enjoyed when she was in good spirits; this was one of the reasons he wanted her to live with him to begin with. He brushed her hair out of her face with a wet hand, but she flipped her hair back to where it was.

"Chisa…" He looked at her flatly.

She rolled her eyes, tucked the hair behind her ears obediently, slipped off her yukata, and crawled into the tub with him. Jin-e kissed her lightly on the neck and looked over her shoulder. Standing in the doorway, was his target from the previous evening. His ruined eye cascaded down his face and he could hear the pattering sound of his blood dripping onto the floor.

These apparitions were not unfamiliar to the hitokiri. He had seen them since his mother died. He simply chose to ignore them.

He turned his attention back to the woman in his lap. She leaned forward towards him and when he looked at her, he saw that her eyes were both gone: Bloody blank holes.

"Just relax." She pushed her face so close to his that he could smell the blood on her. He could see the bath water slowly turning red.

"Just relax." He repeated. He closed his eyes, tensed all the muscles in his body, and then let them go. This always helped for some reason. Plus, he had a perfectly good distraction right in front of him. He opened his eyes and all was as it should be.

It wasn't so much that the visions scared him. He had seen so much in his lifetime that those were nothing. The issue was that he was beginning to consider these trophies; reminders that he could dominate the lives of others.

After the bath, Chisa fixed a quick meal and informed Jin-e of how the days of his absence had been. She had gone to visit Akari for a bit, but aside from that she mentioned that she had caught up on housework and gotten some reading time in. She mentioned she was just glad he was home.

He told her of the lovely older couple he had met at the inn and that they had taken care of him. To avoid suspicion, he doubted that he would ever go back to them, but in the time he was there they were quite helpful.

Finally, Chisa stood and collected their dishes and then walked up to him. She grabbed his hand and led him to their room. He didn't see any more apparitions for the rest of the night.

Chapter Text

Bonus Chapter 3: Nightmares

Chisa always loved cold mornings. She felt that it wasn’t often that she could enjoy them with Jin-e home as well. She generally woke up before him, as he tended to stay up late ensuring that no threats came in the night. He was a light sleeper however, and when Chisa would try to cuddle close for warmth, he would wake up, groan, seemingly begrudgingly put an arm around her and his chin on her head, and fall back asleep. This was their typical routine.

The children, at this point Chiori ten and Yuuta four, slept late like their father and when she got out of bed, Chisa would fix breakfast and quietly drink her tea to avoid waking her family. Although when Jin-e was gone these mornings were too quiet, when he was home she would bask in the fact that she was home with her whole family. She felt complete.

This particular morning was not much different, though Jin-e woke up earlier than usual. As he walked out of their bedroom, he smiled as Chisa poured him a cup of tea, kissed her on the forehead and sat near the fire with her.

”You’re up early.” She whispered, trying to enjoy the time with her husband without children waking as well.

”You didn’t sleep well last night. I could feel every time you jerked or tossed in your sleep.” He yawned and stretched.

It was true. Although she felt more comfortable when he was home it didn’t stop the nightmares she was predisposed to. Jin-e had been gone more often, and Kurogasa had come home in the past month. Things seemed to be escalating and it made her restless.

This particular nightmare had nothing to do with Jin-e, Kurogasa, or her children. In it she saw Rin floating facedown in the pond again, although instead of her father sending her inside she waded out to the body and turned her over. Her eyes were gray and her mouth was open, as if gasping for her last breath. Chisa pulled little Rin out of the pond and sat holding her, stroking her hair. She did not cry, but tried to close Rin’s eyes and her mouth to give the impression that she was simply sleeping as opposed to being in the finality of death.

She awoke in a sweat and with a gasp, as if she too was drowning. She did not know the time, though it was still quite dark outside and she didn’t feel quite awake enough to go to their bureau to check the time on Jin-e’s watch. She rolled over and tried to fall back asleep, which she was miraculously able to do. She immediately was immersed in the same nightmare. Rin’s eyes snapped open and she screamed, sounding very much like the wail of their mother when Rin was found to begin with. Chisa awoke again, stared at the ceiling, and pressed her body against Jin-e for warmth and comfort.

Jin-e himself had occasional dreams about this particular incident as well. This was the first time he experienced death and was the most frightening to him at the time. The death of his mother was expected and brought a glimmer of peace into his life, despite their complex existence together. Rin’s death was sudden and vivid in his mind.
Not long after Jin-e came to sit by Chisa by the stove, Yuuta came in and sat in his mother’s lap, grasping the collar of her kimono and pressing his head against her chest. Jin-e smiled at his son and tousled the young boy’s hair. Yuuta frowned and snuggled closer to his mother.

“I’ve been thinking about taking a trip.” Jin-e closed his eyes and stretched again.

“A trip? Do you mean alone? You are always on a trip of some kind.” Chisa cocked an eyebrow at him.

“No. With you.”

This was something she hadn’t heard before. She rarely had opportunities to leave the homestead, especially in motherhood.

“Do you think Akari would watch the children?

Chisa tried to hide her excitement. “I think she would! Where are we going?”

”Nagoya. Pack a bag. We’ll be gone several days. We’ll leave around noon, so get ready to run the children to Akari.”

Jin-e didn’t accompany Chisa to Akari’s. This was a journey Chisa made on her own frequently and felt comfortable on her own. Chiori prattled excitedly about what she was going to do with her aunt, while Yuuta walked quietly holding his mother’s hand. He didn’t like being away from Chisa.

When they arrived, Akari’s husband answered the door. He noticed Jin-e was not around and he looked worried. “Are you three ok?” He was clearly uncertain about what circumstances brought the small family to his doorway, as it was becoming more frequent for them to find their way to the house in a rush to find reprieve from the unpredictable Jin-e. Chiori was old enough to know what her uncle meant.

”We’re all doing just fine.” Chisa smiled to ease the uncomfortable greeting, “Is my sister home?”

”Yes. She’s in the kitchen cooking.”

Akari looked surprised when Chisa and her children walked in. She picked Yuuta up and squeezed him, then after putting him down she gave Chiori a hug as well. She was much closer to her niece than her niece was to her mother.

“What brings you out here in the cold? How about some tea?”

“Jin-e and I would like to take a short trip to Nagoya. Would you mind watching the children while we’re gone?” Chisa’s eyes were pleading like a child who was pleading to her mother for a sweet before dinner. Chiori and Yuuta looked at Akari. She didn’t have much say in the matter, it seemed.

“Of course.” She smiled, “They already have clothes here and I can lay out a space for them. We’ll have a great time!” She really did enjoy spending time with them. After becoming a mother at such a young age and with her son already out of the house, she found it lonely when it was just her and her husband. She found her new husband rather boring.

Chisa said goodbye to her children, leaving poor Yuuta crying for her, and walked back out into the cold to make her way back to her husband.

When she returned, Jin-e had his belongings prepared in the pack he often took with him on a job. He brought some items for trade with him, as he often felt he needed an alibi when seen in public. Kurogasa was yet to strike in Nagoya, but he didn’t want to take any chances.

Chisa quickly packed a bag herself and made her way back to the kitchen to pack a small snack for the two. Jin-e was smoking by the stove and watching her. She could feel his eyes on her, even with her back turned. This wasn’t a feeling that she disliked; She enjoyed the attention.

After she finished packing, the two made their way to the station in nearby Otsu. Chisa loved the times she got to go into the town, as it was right on Lake Biwa. It was a busy area, which excited and overwhelmed her. Although she had packed onigiri for them, she couldn’t help but stop by a stand selling stone roasted sweet potatoes. In the same way that Jin-e loved radishes, Chisa loved sweet potatoes. Jin-e dutifully purchased one for her and smoked a cigarette while she enjoyed it, after which they officially began their journey to Nagoya.

When they arrived, they immediately began to search for an inn, which wasn’t too difficult to find. They entered and asked to book a room. The woman at the front seemed stern, but welcomed them into her business and showed them to their rather expensive room. While the two tended to spend very little, it seemed that Jin-e was willing to part with some of his substantial earnings.

The room itself was large and set with a kotatsu and winter fruit in the center. A large bath, one of Jin-e’s favorite features, sat in an attached nook. Chisa began unpacking their items, and hung her kimono for the week in a closet, until Jin-e came up to her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and nuzzled his face into the nape of her neck. Private moments were becoming fewer with the children growing older and he had full intent to make use of the time. In fact, he didn’t especially wish to explore the town much at all.
He grasped at her obi and removed it, dropping it carelessly to the floor. He turned her around, kissed her, and finished removing the ties securing her kimono. He brushed it off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor as well. Although her first impulse was to pick it up and hang it, Jin-e gave her no opportunity. He finished undressing Chisa and admired her for a moment. Although she was the mother of two children, she tended to eat the same lean diet as her husband and her young age allowed her body to recover quickly.

He scooped her up, laid her down on the futon provided by the inn, and afterwards spent the rest of the evening in their room; recovering from the journey as well as from the overdue lovemaking. Jin-e went back to the owner of the inn and requested dinner for the two, which unfortunately for them both contained neither daikon radishes nor sweet potatoes. However, Chisa was exhausted, everything was delicious, and she was so happy to spend this rare time with Jin-e.

“What is our plan for tomorrow? I know we’re not far from the bay and I’d love to get some sunshine!” She smiled.

He nodded silently, but had a far away look in his eyes. She attributed this to the busy day they had, but was never certain what he was thinking. She decided to be brave and ask.

“What’s on your mind, love?” She scooted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“This is just the first time we’ve been away like this in a long time. It’s been unusual to have you traveling with me.”

”I’m grateful to just be away for a while, and while I love our children I know Akari does too. The time away will be good for them.”

It was getting late and she wanted to wake up early to get a start on their adventures so she took an uninterrupted bath, gathered herself in the disheveled bedding, and fell into a deep sleep.

Much like waking up the previous morning, she found herself in another nightmare. This time she dreamed of Kurogasa, eyes black and covered in blood. She heard him laughing and saw him sneering at her and she gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth. “All this noise over one little rat.” In his hands he held a head: Yuuta’s.

Chisa awoke crying. She looked up in the moonlit room and could see a blood-spattered Kurogasa standing in the doorway smiling and laughing.

Chapter Text

Much like waking up the previous morning, she found herself in another nightmare. This time she dreamed of Kurogasa, eyes black and covered in blood. She heard him laughing, saw him sneering at her and she gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth. "All this noise over one little rat." In his hands he held a head: Yuuta's.

Chisa awoke crying. She looked up in the moonlit room and could see a blood-spattered Kurogasa standing in the doorway smiling and laughing.

Wide-eyed, she jumped to her feet and attempted to back against the wall, but her feet became tangled in the bedding and she fell backwards, hitting her head. Kurogasa took a step toward her across the darkness, head low and still smiling. "Hush now. There are others staying in this inn after all." Another step. Another. Her eyes darted to his hands to see if, as in her nightmare, he was holding the head of their young son. He was not and his swords were not drawn; a cold comfort in the moment. With this in mind, however, she was still stuck in the room with him; unable to run to Akari's house as she typically did in these situations. She couldn't just wait it out either.

She could feel her heartbeat in her ears and her head throbbed from striking the wall.

"Stop." This was the only word that she could produce. Each of his footsteps she matched with this single word. "Stop. Stop. Stop."

Finally he paused, sat at the kotatsu, grabbed a pear with a blood-streaked hand and bit into it. He patted the seat beside him for her to join him at the table. She shook her head. Kurogasa rolled his eyes, stood, and put his swords in the far corner of the room as if the weapons, not the man himself, were her source of fear. He returned to his seat and patted the cushion beside him again.

"I want you to leave." Chisa growled, finding her voice.

Kurogasa finished his pear silently, lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. "You know I can't do that. It's not safe for you here alone."

"Why did you bring me here? As a cover? As a plaything?" She narrowed her eyes in anger. "It certainly wasn't just as your wife."

He gave a low laugh, "Chisa my dear, there are few women like you. You are not a cover; there were no living witnesses for one to need a cover. You do not complain if you truly believe you are a plaything."

Chisa could feel rage building from her heels to the roots of her hair, which was beginning to turn prematurely gray. What does one say in anger to a man who has just committed murder?

"Do you genuinely believe I should stay here with you?" Her voice cracked.

"When have I ever hurt you, Chisa?" He reasoned. "Not once have I laid a hand on you in this state or any other. You have no reason to fear me."

"Was this your intent? To come here under the pretense of a trip with me?" She began to walk cautiously toward the kotatsu. Kurogasa offered her his lit cigarette, which she gladly took.

"No," he smiled and looked at his hand. "This was simply an opportunity that came from a walk for fresh air."

"An opportunity?" Chisa picked a small piece of tobacco off her tongue. If only her etiquette teacher could see her.

"An opportunity. An undeserved gift to humanity." Black eyes locked into hers. "A gift. Do you understand? I cleansed this city of one worthless insect."

"I can't say I understand. If you believed this person was deserving of punishment, you should have left it to the police."

This time Kurogasa laughed loudly and Chisa glared at him, took a drag of the cigarette and passed it back to him. "I know you aren't that naive. You are just angry." He laughed again, this time a quiet chuckle.

This reignited the fury in her. "I want you out. Now." She spat each word at him.

He smirked. "And where do you think I should go in these bloody clothes and in this state?"

She gestured toward the tub. "You can have this room. I'm going to secure a different room for myself. I'll tell the innkeep that we've had a disagreement and I would prefer my own space."

This changed the jovial expression on Kurogasa's face to one more solemn.

"That simply will not do. We have appearances to keep. You go back to sleep and we shall discuss this in the morning. I promised to take you for some sunshine and to see the bay."

Nothing she said was registering to him. She stood from the warmth of the kotatsu and turned to walk away when Kurogasa grabbed the hem of her yukata.

"Do you remember the night my mother died?"

"Your mother? At a moment like this you want to discuss your mother?" Chisa was exasperated.

"That was the first night I knew you could handle yourself as a partner to me. To what I was meant to become." She could see the color fading from his eyes. Chisa forcefully took the cigarette from him as it was burning down to the butt.

"Jin-e, I look back at that moment as the first time I saw you become violent. The first time you scared me. A year later you denied that we could ever be together," She finally extinguished the cigarette on the remains of the pear sitting on the table. "and I should have taken that as final."

Chisa glared at him, walked back to the futon, and laid down. Behind her, Kurogasa laughed quietly once more and she mercifully was able to fall into a dreamless sleep.
When she awoke, Jin-e the man, not the monster Kurogasa, sat in the corner where he had previously put his swords. He looked up to her across the room. He knew, as if observing a wild animal, that if he were to move at all Chisa would run or attack or both. And so he waited. She broke eye contact and walked to the kotatsu, which Jin-e had rekindled overnight.

Her head still throbbed from stress and the fall from the previous night. Her eyes had trouble adjusting to the light.

"I'd love some tea and breakfast." She glanced back at him, eyes dark from lack of rest.

It seemed to him that this statement wasn't a request so much as it was her way of bridging a conversation with him unrelated to the argument they had. He took a gamble.
"Would you like me to ask the innkeeper for breakfast or would you like something else?" He stood to sit at the table with her.

Without warning, Chisa grabbed the bowl from the center of the kotatsu and threw it at Jin-e, connecting with his temple. This did not hurt him much but he realized that his gamble was probably a loss; his left ear was ringing.

He began to sit back down when the unexpected happened: Chisa began to laugh. Not a nervous laugh, but a girlish giggle that he hadn't heard in years. He was reminded of when she wiped her muddy face on his collar as children. She was still full of such life, but he knew that the life he had given her had not been easy. There were few opportunities for her to be mischievous or giddy; he felt a flicker of guilt.

She stood, walked to him, and held out her hand. He still felt that this could be a trap of some kind. When on a contract, he knew traps were set for him, but when home with Chisa he was not so confident. He could identify in himself that he wasn't like others; at many times feeling he was beyond humanity. He knew very few women however, aside from the experiences he had with his own mother and the cold, rival-like interactions he had with Akari. Chisa was the only constant in his life.

As he had insisted the previous night that she sit with Kurogasa, she stuck her hand out a second time to pull him off of the tatami floor. He was still suspicious, but took her hand and stood to face her. She released his hand and her face changed; became more severe.

"I don't know what happened last night, and I do not want to know. Do you understand that? I stay with you because I do not see what you do."

He didn't know if she meant physically seeing the results or her intrinsic knack for denying culpability, but he didn't so much care. He nodded in understanding.

The two left their room and wandered off into the bustling crowds. It seemed that the chilly weather and winds near the bay did not hold people back from their daily tasks and ventures. They found themselves on a street with simple food stalls, the smells coming together to form a wave of aromatic art. However, they needed something more substantial and ducked into a small restaurant.

The waitress was chatting with a gentleman who seemed to be the owner, but quickly turned to seat them. She seemed to be the attentive type. At the low table, Chisa shifted, brushed her hair out of her face, and silently looked Jin-e dead in the eyes.

"How about some tea?" The waitress grinned at the two, breaking the intense eye contact that was beginning to make the hitokiri unsettled. Both nodded and she filled two small porcelain cups. "I've not seen you here before. Have you just moved here to Nagoya?"

Jin-e answered for both of them and flashed an insincere smile. "Simply visiting and enjoying our time together in the city."

"And what about you? How are you enjoying Nagoya?" Along with Jin-e, the young waitress seemed to also be feeling a bit unnerved.

"It has been lovely so far, though my husband has seen more of the city than I have." Chisa's dark eyes jumped from the waitress back to Jin-e. The waitress faked a smile and returned to the kitchen.

After the two finished their breakfast, they found their way down to the streets by the bay, at long last. Chisa pressed her body against the cool railing that secured the area. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and just listened as the water lapped against support columns beneath them. It beckoned to her and for a moment she thought of just falling in. She began to lift herself further up on the railing when Jin-e put a hand on her shoulder and gazed down at her.

Looking at Jin-e, she no longer saw Kurogasa. She saw the troubled boy with the black eye he got from his mother. Looking at Chisa, Jin-e saw the young woman with a bloody face and disheveled kimono hiding from her father. How much had changed since those times.

Behind them, a crowd of young women had formed a gossip circle. Chisa and Jin-e both took the opportunity to listen carefully without acknowledging the group.
"Did you hear that the police found a body near the Minato Ward?!" One narrow-faced woman began.

"Yes! I heard he was nearly cut in two!" One of her friends loudly informed the entire dockside area.

Chisa laughed.

Chapter Text

“Yes! I heard he was nearly cut in two!” One of her friends loudly informed the entire dockside area.

Chisa laughed.

Jin-e looked at her in confusion, but chose not to address it. Things were too volatile at the moment and he hoped that she could get past the argument they had the previous night and that morning. He did think briefly about how he loved the fire he had seen in her. It made him want to just take her back to the room and see how much heat he could draw out.

He shook the thought from his mind for a moment. They would have more time back at the room later. He owed it to her to have a pleasant day out in the city.

Chisa turned and dark eyes looked into his lighter ones. She smiled as if choosing amnesia was preferable to acknowledging any wrongdoing on her part or his. He guided her by the shoulder for a moment and they continued down the bustling street.

They came across a temple not far from the bay, and Jin-e knew Chisa would want to stop there. Without asking, he simply began walking that direction. She looked at him and smiled. He was certainly not the perfect husband, but he did have moments of some semblance of care. Chisa purified herself and walked to the main area to pray.

Jin-e didn’t ask what she prayed for, but deep down he already knew. Despite how serious she was about it, he internally laughed at the fact that his victims received prayers from his wife. He also revisited her laughing in his mind that day. He didn’t know why she laughed when she heard the girls, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. He wondered briefly about her head injury.

He stood back from her. If there was a place he didn’t feel comfortable, it was in spiritual places. To Jin-e, he felt spirituality on the battlefield and on job; Taking a life and watching the soul drain from their body. What could be more spiritual than that? He sat in fantasy a moment while he was waiting on Chisa, thinking about his kill from the previous night.

When Chisa came back to him, she seemed more peaceful. She touched his arm. “Let’s go back to Shiga tomorrow. I am ready to be back to my family.”

He noticed that she said “my” versus saying “our.” He knew they had disagreements about Chiori’s behavior, but he also continued to provide for all of them. This frustrated him a bit, but he smiled and agreed. They walked together back to the inn.

When they arrived and Jin-e slid the door shut, Chisa turned to him and grabbed him by the collar.

“I don’t want to waste more time than we already have. I need you to show me that you love me more than bloodshed.” Her eyes were like the flicker of a candle in a breeze. Hot, but could easily be snuffed out by the wrong move.

“Chisa, how do you want me to do that?” Jin-e moved to touch her. “How do you expect me to even begin to show that?”

“I want you to hurt me.”

Jin-e froze. Her words matched the heat in her eyes. “Hurt you?”

”I need you to see that when you hurt others, when you kill others, you are just hurting me. So hurt me.” She looked up at him. Chisa was tall for a woman, but still had to raise her eyes.

He grabbed her around the shoulders, worried what her next move may be. She shook him off and grabbed at the wakizashi, pulling it from its sheath.

”I need you to hurt me.” She touched the blade, pressing her palm into it. Crimson began to stain her kimono sleeve.

He knew he needed to lunge at her, take the blade and keep her safe, but there was something about what he was seeing that kept him still. The contrast of her ivory skin, the blood, the ornate kimono which was now ruined. She pressed further.

“Chisa, stop it.” He still didn’t take the weapon from her, but found that his heart was racing. He wrung his hands.

She held her injured palm out to him, blood dripping to the tatami. He kissed it lightly first, then wiped his mouth on his sleeve. As he looked at the stains, he felt the bloodlust come over him. He needed to hurt. He needed to kill. What he had, instead, was Chisa. Beautiful. Bleeding.

He could feel his eyes turning. He knew he shouldn’t be around Chisa in that state, but there were few other places he could go. “Don’t do this to yourself, Chisa.” He growled and rubbed a hand over his face.

”I have to. I wish you could understand that I am meant to be the wife of a hitokiri.” Her breathing picked up.

”Chisa…You should leave.” He snarled and grabbed her by the face. “You can’t just do this to me.”

”I can.” She smiled and pulled back, grasping at her obi.

When she moved her hand, blood patted to the floor. Jin-e knew he was going to have to think of an excuse for the blood to the innkeeper, but he also felt it would be worth it.

”I want you to have what you want; what you need.” Her obi fell.

”Chisa, it’s not that simple.” He ran a hand through his own hair, grasping at it.

The other ties of her kimono fell, blood spattering everything she touched.

Kurogasa grabbed Chisa by the shoulders. “Do you know what you are doing to me?”

”I do.” She smiled and turned away from him, finally dropping her kimono to the floor.

Jin-e, or Kurogasa, began to smile watching her.

”Chisa…” He examined her. “I need you to come here.”

He was smiling and walked to the corner to put his sword away. He took the wakizashi from her and stashed it. “Come here, please.”

She did as she was told. He grabbed at her hair, which had been carefully held back by a comb, and released it, tangling a hand in it. He ran his mouth up her neck and then returned it to her bleeding palm.

”Show me that it’s not just the hurt. Show me that it’s not just killing.”

He cringed, knowing that in this state it was both but little else. He wrapped his arm around her waist. “Let me show you what I can.”

He kissed her, but as he pulled onto his lap he noticed a man standing behind her, nearly cut in half. His eyes were black and bleeding. He ignored this and pushed himself forward toward Chisa, knocking her back onto the floor. She placed her bleeding hand on his face and watched as the blood stained him. Blood dripped back against her face.

”You haven’t done it.” She whispered harshly.

“Haven’t done what?” He was confused.

“Haven’t hurt me.”

”Chisa…” He couldn’t believe that this conversation was continuing. “I don’t know what you mean.”

”I want you to draw blood. Make this a trip you’ll remember. Who knows when we can come back. Who knows when we can be this alone again.” Chisa grabbed Kurogasa by the yukata and pulled at his belt. “I need you to show me that you can have both. You can want me and be a hitokiri too.”

This was a chance he had always looked for, but wasn’t sure how to navigate it. Chisa was his, but he wanted something else. He wanted the bloodshed she spoke of. She wanted devotion.

Chapter Text

In the years after Jin-e’s death, Chisa slowly began to find peace within herself that she had missed her entire life, while at the same time she felt she had been ruined. What man would choose a woman with such a burdensome history? Further, how could she recover from her late husband’s memory?

The summer that Yuuta turned twelve, Chisa did what she could to make things special for him. Chisa, Yuuta, Hiroshi (Chisa’s second husband), and his daughter Kina had moved to Tokyo a few months prior; Akari, her children and grandchild, and Chiori were joining them soon.

Hiroshi tended to be everything that Jin-e never was for Chisa; considerate, gentle, and doting. He, as a widower, had his own baggage but still was able to show love to Chiori and Yuuta. He found work in Tokyo to continue as a schoolteacher, which is how he met Chisa originally. He had Yuuta as a student.

After learning that Chisa was a widow, they connected over grief. He had lost his wife to a sudden illness a few years prior and was left alone with Kina, who was roughly Yuuta’s age.

Chisa had great difficulty accepting his brand of kindness. She felt that Jin-e was kind to her on occasion, but took his protectiveness and want as love. Her greatest difficulty was in accepting an apology; she had been offered so few in her life that she felt that she was often deserving of the treatment that she received. Whenever Hiroshi made a misstep, or encouraged her to overshare, or felt he was being too forward, he was quick to say he was sorry.

In many ways, she was grateful for the fresh start. She was growing older and knew that it wouldn’t be long before Yuuta was living on his own. She couldn’t bear the thought of being alone with the apparition that followed her and Akari emphasized that she couldn’t be alone the rest of her life. She tried to tell herself that there was life beyond the one that Jin-e built for her himself.

Hiroshi knew little of Chisa’s past. She set a boundary that she did not want to discuss Jin-e and left it at that. She rarely used his name. Chiori, however, was sure to inform him privately that Jin-e was a monster and she couldn’t see how her mother could become involved with someone who was unlike the late hitokiri. She never elaborated beyond “monster” and Hiroshi never asked either one of them to delve into the past.

As they were preparing to celebrate Yuuta’s birthday, Hiroshi found himself consumed with love for his wife. Although he didn’t know how, he knew she had experienced trauma beyond what most women had. He wanted to heal her and make her feel the comfort she missed most of her life. They walked into town together to find a gift for her son, and he touched Chisa’s arm lightly. She paused and looked at him in confusion.

”What is it?” Her eyes began to widen with her first instinct telling her that something was wrong.

Her first instinct was wrong. “I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of Yuuta.”

He knew that was one of the greatest areas of love in Chisa’s eyes: Yuuta. He also knew how far all of them had come since he met them two years after Jin-e had died. If his father truly was a monster, whatever that meant, then the fact that he was a well-behaved and kindhearted child was a miracle.

Chisa smiled, but not without an air of concern. She felt there was some unseen motivation she had missed, or something motive that was driving him beyond what she saw on the surface. ”He’s been a remarkable young man since he was born. I feel like he had the best qualities of both his father and I.”

Hiroshi flinched at the slight mention of Jin-e. He tried not to get jealous or to wonder if she compared the two of them. He knew that they had been married for many years, as he and his wife had. He did compare the two women however and knew that Chisa had to do the same.

In truth, Chisa often did compare her late and living husbands. She felt a warmth for Hiroshi knowing that he loved her back and that he loved her children. She felt that he would never hurt her and knew he didn’t have the capacity to hurt any other person either. He came from a stable family, which allowed for him to model what a stable family would look like with her as the matriarch.

An issue was that time dulled many of the painful memories she had early in her life, with the exception of the occasional flashback. She had difficulty sleeping at night, worried that an intruder may appear looking for her husband only to find the less-than-physically-imposing Hiroshi. She did not miss the monotony and uncertainty that came with Jin-e’s absences, but she longed for the excitement of their reunions. Of heated lovemaking. Of sharing cigarettes. She only told this to Akari, who would roll her eyes and tell Chisa how much better off she was.

When Chisa mentioned the best qualities of both of his parents, Hiroshi wondered what good came from Yuuta’s father. She never said, though he often guessed it was the boy’s confidence and drive to compete. She lacked both.

She briefly looked away and gave a soft smile away from her husband. He wondered what she was smiling at. He had caught her several times making faces of all sorts at things that were not there throughout their relationship. She would sometimes scream in her sleep. He had grown used to it, though Kina never did. She was terrified of Chisa.

Hiroshi took a chance and decided to pry. His curiosity got the better of him. “Can I ask you something?”

She eyed him again, breaking from whatever thought she was having. “Of course.”

He suddenly backed away from what he wanted to ask, which was What did he do to you? ”I suppose it’s not a question. I just know you’ve not had an easy life and I wish I could help you more.”

How dare he force you to relive these moments. He wasn’t there and didn’t know what you needed at the time, Chisa.

She felt cold hands with a tight grip on her shoulder along with the feeling as if breath was passing by her ear. She knew that Jin-e was no longer drawing breath and was reduced to ashes held in a grave in Shiga, but she also knew that if she turned her head he would be standing there. He may be in his Shinsengumi garb, he may be bloodied with a ruined arm and a sword protruding from his chest, he may be a child scared of his violent mother.

She sometimes chose to ignore this, but other times would turn just to see him one more time. The ghosts filled her with fear, just as Kurogasa had, but a greater fear than that was the anxiety that she would never see him again in any form. The finality was indescribably fierce and looming.

Look at me, Chisa. Look at what you’ve done.

She avoided Hiroshi’s concern and whipped around.

There he stood with black eyes and blood dripping from his mouth and nose. In his hands he held the wakizashi that he used to take his own life. “He’s weak, isn’t he? You know that about him, don’t you?” Kurogasa’s wide grin was so familiar to her.

Chisa…

She remained silent.

”You’ll never be able to forget me. Without me, you would have died long ago.”

She nodded, eyes wide.

Chisa, listen to me…

Kurogasa began to laugh and grabbed her face. She could smell his blood and watched his arm snake away from his body as if he lacked control of it. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers. Her stomach turned and she bent to vomit.

Tell me what is wrong!

Tears, heavy with fear and sorrow and love, began to gloss her cheeks. She felt another set of hands on her shoulders, as Hiroshi turned her to face him.

”Chisa, come back to me!” There was naked desperation in his eyes.

This little rat thinks that he can keep me from you. Watch carefully.

Kurogasa lunged at Hiroshi, wakizashi in hand. Hiroshi fell backwards clutching his now-bleeding nose and his assailant threw his head back in satisfaction, breathing in the chaos.

”What is wrong with you?! I was just checking on you!” Hiroshi’s clothing began to stain as blood dripped onto his chest.

”I’m so sorry,” Chisa gasped as if strangled, “I never meant for him to hurt you! I just needed to see him again.”

At this, Hiroshi began to weep. He had never seen this side of her.

Chisa couldn’t believe that Jin-e had manifested so physically that it was possible to injure her husband. She had never seen such an effect from one of these visions.

She didn’t realize, however, that it wasn’t Jin-e that struck Hiroshi. It had been her.

Chapter Text

She didn’t realize, however, that it wasn’t Jin-e that struck Hiroshi. It had been her. 

Hiroshi lay in the dirt with a bloodied nose, still reeling from the sudden attack by Chisa. Her horror and despair matched her husband’s, though they stemmed from two different places. Heavy tears trailed down her face as she approached him, hoping to help him to his feet.

”Chisa, you can’t bury this forever.” He sat up, reaching for her hand. Instead of pulling himself up, he pulled her down to him and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m meant to protect you and I intend to do so.” 

She heard a voice in her mind that laughed at the idea that Hiroshi could ever protect her. It wasn’t Jin-e’s. It was her own. Most of her life she had Jin-e who could fight and kill. Even when she had been alone at their home in Shiga he had taken steps to keep her from being discovered in his absence. 

”I don’t want to hurt you with what happened. It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t have to take care of me while I mourn another man.” Chisa placed her forehead against Hiroshi’s cheek. 

“What would make this better?” He wiped a tear away from her, ignoring his own.

Her eyes fixed on his hands. They had never taken a life. They had held books out to his students as they were eager to learn. They had held an infant daughter so carefully. They had brushed the hair away from the face of his dying wife. 

“Let’s just get this gift for Yuuta and get back. I don’t like leaving him alone for long.”

After regaining their composure, Chisa and Hiroshi finished their shopping trip by purchasing her son a bow and arrow set, and returned home. 

As they arrived, Yuuta ran to greet them. “Mama! Did you bring me a present?” 

She smiled as Hiroshi handed over the bundle that he had been holding. “Here’s something for you to entertain yourself with. Don’t kill any birds with it.” 

Before Yuuta could even respond, an arm wrapped around Chisa’s shoulder and drew her close. “Good afternoon, Aunt Chisa.” 

Akari’s son Daisuke had always cared for her greatly, and knew well the struggles she went through with Jin-e. As he stepped further into the room, he was followed by his wife and child, Akari, and finally Chiori, who seemed inconvenienced as usual. Her attitude had not improved as she aged.

Chiori stepped past Yuuta carefully, but gestured with her head for him to follow her, making sure that Chisa didn’t see the two disappear so quickly. As they entered the garden, Chiori grabbed Yuuta by the shoulders and turned him to face her. ”It’s time for you to know more about our father.”

”What do you mean?” He pulled back away from his sister. “You haven’t even greeted me yet and this is what you have to say?”

Chisa had never told Yuuta about his father’s legacy. He simply believed that his father was a former samurai who took his own life. He knew only a fraction of the destruction and chaos and bloodshed. 

”He wasn’t just a samurai, he was a hitokiri, Yuuta. He didn’t just kill out of duty. He killed for money and <em>fun</em>.” Chiori grabbed him by the arm. 

“Why are you telling me this now? What difference does it make? I don’t like talking about him with you.” He narrowed his eyes at her, pulling his arm away.

”You can try to say it doesn’t matter now, but Auntie said you’re beginning to study swordsmanship. Just know that his history will follow you, Yuuta, and if you don’t know what he did, you’ll be lucky to not make the same mistakes as him.” She smirked knowingly, not seeing the spark in her eye that resembled that of the man she so despised. 

”It’s not like the people at the dojo know everything he did, right? They would tell me if they knew.” He found determination in himself. 

”Yuuta, Kenshin and Kaoru are the only two people who truly know what happened when he died. They were there.” She stood eye-to-eye with him, if only for that moment. “Don’t you remember our first trip to Tokyo after he died? Mother spent that trip with them finding out what really happened. Why do you think we have Mother’s last name? Why do you think we were never allowed in a real school when he was alive?”

”Why would Mama not tell me all this before putting me in the Kamiya Dojo?” His face was growing red, anger beginning to boil over.

”She thinks you need constant protection. You need to show her that you don’t.” Chiori waved him away with her hand, then smiled as he turned to confront his mother. 

—

As Akari settled into her room, Chisa went to visit with Hiroshi by her side. As she began to slide the door open, Yuuta caught her arm and raised his voice. “Mama, why have you held things back from me?” 

She looked at Akari and Hiroshi with concern then back at her son. “Yuuta, I’ve not lied to you.” 

“I didn’t say you did. Why didn’t you tell me he was a…murderer.” 

Chisa noticed the suspicious absence of Chiori, who clearly kindled a fire and stepped away. “Yuuta, there’s so much more to the story than that.” 

”I don’t want you to keep hiding things from me. It’s so embarrassing to think that everyone else knows.” He then turned to his mother’s husband. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

In honesty, Hiroshi also had been unaware of that fact. He had assumed that by “monster,” Chiori meant that he was abusive. Chisa never told him who exactly Jin-e had been. He felt a sting of hurt that she hadn’t felt comfortable sharing this with him. “It isn’t my business.”

”It is!” He shouted. “You’re supposed to protect us. Who knows what kind of people are out there because of him.”

Akari stepped in, attempting to diffuse the situation as she had many times before with Chiori. “Yuuta, your mother has done everything to protect you. You didn’t need to know these things about him.”

”And so everyone else just…<em>does</em> and I have to stay in the dark?” 

Chisa wanted to hug him, but knew that the timing was poor. “Yuuta, I wanted you to have happy memories of him. He enjoyed practicing swords with you and helping you grow stronger. He wanted a son more than either of us know, I believe.”

Hiroshi felt a twinge of toxic envy in the back of his mind. He adored Chisa and had found joy in helping her raise Yuuta, but he had learned through their time together that she was still carrying a burden from her first husband. She tried to preserve the happy memories of the past and bury those who do not fit with the image she portrayed to her son.

He had lost his wife and the mother of his child who had loved him dearly. He hoped that in Chisa he would feel that love again and many days he did. The hard days were when he saw the love he deserved being directed towards memories of her first husband.

”Chisa…” Hiroshi whispered firmly, “let him calm on his own. While he does that, I deserve an explanation.”   

She turned towards him and clenched her jaw. “How can I ever show you how differently I feel for you than I felt for him?”

This set off an alarm in his mind. His eyes grew wide. “Why did you love him?” 

”We had been with one another since childhood. He was the father of my children. But…” She leaned forward toward him. “He lost his humanity a long time before he took his life.”

Yuuta, whose breathing had slowed and seemed to be calming, looked up. “So he really did…do it himself? Chiori said that Kenshin and Kaoru were there. Why were they there?” 

Chisa glanced at her husband and the young man who was rapidly growing a resemblance to his father. “Let’s find somewhere to sit. I owe you both an explanation.”

That night the three of them sat together in Chisa’s room, Hiroshi and Yuuta listening as she explained herself and who Jin-e really was. She spared few details although she admitted was in direct knowledge of a number of crimes. As she finished she lowered her eyes, feeling her soul bared to two people she cherished. 

Yuuta stood to leave. “I wish you would have told me. I’ve wondered my whole life why Chiori wouldn’t live with us and you just let me believe that was just her being difficult. I didn’t know you kept me in a home with someone like him…” 

Chisa didn’t jump to her own defense. “Get some sleep. We can talk about this when you’re ready. I don’t wish to force understanding on you.”

He slid the door open and left. Hiroshi remained. ”Chisa, I never knew you were carrying such a burden. So…” 

He desperately wished to ask her about the times that she appeared to speak to someone who wasn't there, not unlike what had happened earlier that day. Based on their conversation that night, he felt that perhaps he already had the answer to his question. “Take your time this evening. I’m certain this has been taxing on all of us.”

These encounters didn’t provide relief for her. In the early hours of the morning, Chisa sat up in bed suddenly with a feeling in her chest that something was <em>wrong</em>. She glanced quickly at Hiroshi, making sure that he was safe. Finding him sleeping soundly, she looked around the room expecting to see Kurogasa. 

In fact, part of her <em>wished</em> to see him. She scanned the room over and over, but with no success. She was alone in her understanding of what happened with Jin-e. More than anything though, she simply felt alone. 

No bloodied, laughing Kurogasa. No calculated and protective Jin-e. No one. No more.