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I love this game. i will not kid you when i’ll say i spent 34 hours on it. the fact that the majority of it was farming exp or getting lost is irrelevant.
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It’s been 48 days.
48 days.. since the day the loops stopped occurring.
Siffrin counted each day. Each minute, each second. In fear of them happening again. The loops. Him regaining enough strength for him to accidentally use Time Craft once more. He just couldn’t wait for something to go so, so wrong that in a span of the moment, in a panic, he blinks and wakes up on that lovely clearing in Vaugarde once more. The one that he’s come to hate- both the clearings, and sleep.
The former wouldn’t affect his daily life that much- he’d just avoid stepping onto those, and it’s normally all fine. The latter though..
Let’s say, his friends don’t exactly take it well. Him not sleeping. Of course, at first they were very eager to try literally ANYTHING just for Siffrin to have a couple of hours of restless sleep.. but as soon as they realised that he had been purposefully avoiding sleep.. they don’t tolerate it as much. Siffrin just can’t bring himself to fall asleep, knowing that there’s a possibility that once he wakes up, he might be back there..
There’s always someone to take notice of that.
One time, Odile noticed.
That night would prove to be.. not quite ideal, in all honesty. At least at the very first glance. She would notice him acting.. suspicious. Of course. How could she not? During their stop, just outside of Vaugarde as they marched out to bring Bonnie to their sister. The first night they stopped for the night. This time, Siffrin did not even dare to have enough audacity to speak about his fear of clearings- just how stupid did that sound? And so, he bit it all back, shakily helping his party set up camp in the middle of a large patch of glass, void of trees in a forest they were passing through. The air was warm and the fireplace they all gathered around made sure to scare away wild animals after the sun fell and the moon rose. Of course, Bonnie would be the first to fall asleep, nuzzled into Mirabelle’s side as the Housemaiden was in the middle reading them their favourite book. She would join them soon upon noticing the kid was sound asleep, and would lay down in their shared sleeping bag, soon drifting off as well.
Second, was Isabeau- despite him being the most energetic out of the bunch, right behind Bonnie- he had been quite tired that day, gathering all the wood for the fireplace and helping everyone set up their little camp. So, he was out like the light almost immediately after comedically tripping over his own sleeping bag, falling face first right into it. Despite Odile’s and Siffrin’s startled exclaim if he was okay, they would both calm down as soon as they heard the soft snores escaping the Fighter. Siffrin, unable to hold back a small smile, couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. Yep, that’s Isa for you. Despite his hesitation, he leaned over in order to pull a blanket over the man. Despite it being a warm night, he’d really hate for his beloved Defender to get sick, or get cold later during the night.
He looked over at Odile after he heard her shuffling, watching as she looked back down at her book, muttering an exasperated,
“ ..Gems.. “ under her breath. Despite hiding her concern for her companions behind annoyed huffs and sharp half-glares, ( especially towards Isabeau ), Siffrin saw right through it. He couldn’t help but send a soft smile her way, and it was apparent that the woman caught it, but decided to just look away and back down at her book, adjusting her glasses.
This was nice.
48 days..
. . .
Just how much longer until it all collapses?
Siffrin really must’ve zoned out for a lot longer than he originally intended to, because seemingly all of the sudden, there was a hand waving before his eyes. He flinched harshly, head snapping over to see Odile, giving him an odd look. She must’ve tried gaining his attention for a hot minute now. His mouth opened, before he gave her an apologetic smile.
“ ..Sorry, Madam. You were saying..? “ He supposed he got a little too good at ignoring literally everything happening around him, throughout those 93 loops. He realised that he would zone out subconsciously now, even after everything was over. Just by seeing her expression though, he was certain- whenever he zoned out these days, he would have the most dead, exhausted, miserable look on his face. Both Isa and Mira made him aware of it, and he wasn’t sure if he’d prefer to be better off not knowing.
It seems like Odile did not want to brush over the issue as easily, giving the other a strange look, before raising a brow.
“ ..forget it. You should be heading off to sleep soon, Siffrin. It’s late. “ She said, giving a subtle glance towards the others, sound asleep in their sleeping bags. Siffrin blinked, before giving a nervous chuckle, shoulders tensing immediately. He moved a hand up to scratch his wrist instinctively, giving the other an anxious smile.
“ ..oh.. um.. right.. “ Stars, sometimes he really hated how perceptive Odile is. Even if it is one of her many great traits, in moments like these.. Siffrin genuinely wished perceptiveness was not one of them.
“ Siffrin. “ Oops, he spaced out again. Stupid.
“ ..y-yes- sorry- “ He winced slightly. Just focus. It ain’t that hard-
Nothing could’ve prepared him for having his wrist grabbed the way he did.
It was so sudden that it caused him to jump, eyes blowing wide as he looked up at Odile- which had the strangest look he had seen on her.
It was.. Siffrin couldn’t even quite place it himself. He could only guess it was a mixture of concern, sternness and exhaustion that really, all of them shared. Just.. Siffrin more so than others.
“ ..don’t do that. “ Before Siffrin could even process her words, his eyes slowly fell down to the wrist that the other held, realising that oh. He had been scratching those wounds again.
As soon as he was reminded of those wounds, still healing, after the last loop had happened- he looked away almost as if he’d been burned. Those wounds were supposed to represent stars, and yet.. they looked like anything but right now. Reminding him of the possible worst period of his life. And the small fragment of skin on his forearm that was visible, between the rolled black sleeve of his shirt and his glove, was the one thing always managing to make him come right back to that time.
That time 48 days ago.
As soon as he realised that the Researcher was not letting go though, a sudden shot of anxiety went through him, as he gulped, giving a nervous chuckle. Force of habit. Stress response. Although, sensing that pair of sharp eyes on him, that chuckle died down very quickly. He shrank in on himself, really missing his hat right now- his one layer of protection, being able to move it over his face and cover the majority of himself behind it. Like a protective barrier between him and the world. But, fate be crabbed, today Bonnie was very insistent on trying it on- despite the hilarious image of an eleven year old wearing a wizard’s hat, covering their eyes and four times the size of their head, now he really wished he got it back at this moment.
“ ..i’m sorry- “ Was the only thing he could really say, his tone much more hushed than he intended for it to be. He didn’t mean to do that. Stars, they must think he’s so disgusting. They have so many reasons for it, even now, but somehow- Siffrin always finds a new one!
“ Siffrin. “ Her stern tone cuts through him like a knife- and he flinches, his gaze moving right back to her. He was just about to apologise again, but as soon as he looked at her face, he completely froze. There was no sight of that sharp look in her eye that she seemed to always possess, no furrow to her brows, no disgust on her features- instead.. there was.. softness in her eyes. A softness that Siffrin would lie when he’d say he’s never seen it before, but.. each time he did, it struck him.
Just that look alone caused him to become completely speechless. His mouth opened, but no words came out. And it seemed like both of them shared the same reaction.
Eventually, Odile was the first to move. She looked to the side, carefully removing her fingers from around SIffrin’s wrist, as she sat back before him. The Traveller needed a moment to realise that he was let go of, and once he did he immediately pulled his black sleeves underneath his cloak damn near over his gloved fingers, looking down.
Unfortunately, Odile would not drop this as easily. They both knew that.
And once she spoke, Siffrin flinched anyway, even though he was very much expecting it.
“ ..we should have those bandaged up. It’s not going to heal if you will keep scratching it, even by accident. “ She stated calmly, as if she had just decided that, and Siffrin had no say in the matter. He gulped. A part of him wanted to say ‘yes Odile thank you Odile’ to lighten the mood, but the sour memory of that being said during the time loops left a bad taste on his tongue. And so, he simply stayed silent.
The Researcher seemed to notice his lack of reply, and sighed quietly, closing the book she held in her lap, marking the page she left off on beforehand.
“ ..Alright. We’re doing this then. “ She said, and Siffrin’s eye widened.
He held his breath, and forced down those thoughts. Those thoughts appearing every, single, time that he messed something up, which happened almost all the time!
Loop back. loop back. loop back loop back loop back loop back loopbackloopbackloopbackloopbackloOPBACKLOOPBACKLOOPBACKLOOPBACKLOOPBACK-!
“ Ah-! “ He yelped, his eye shutting tightly and his entire body tensing up against his own will. He felt something at the top of his head, but it was a different feeling from his hat. Faintly, he recognized it already..
Slowly, he forced his eye to blink open, looking up in order to see the taller’s face, still carrying that look, softer than usual. More careful. Unsure. Her hand was in his hair, giving him a head pat, ruffling up his already unruly hair. He had promised to Mira that he would let her style it, but it was in another loop, wasn’t it..
“ ..Oh, Siffrin. “ Odile sighed.
“ ..you’re not quite as good at being secretive as you may think you are. “ She said, and the words went through him like a knife. Well, crab. Guess they were really doing this now.
In an attempt at humor, Siffrin hesitantly opened his mouth, but a small, rather playful tug on his bangs cut him off, causing him to yelp.
“ Don’t even try to make a pun right now. I know that look on your face. “ Odile gave him a look, to which Siffrin could only react with a nervous laugh.
“ ..fine.. “ He muttered, looking to the side, the small smile remaining. Despite the serious issue at hand, Odile felt her chest becoming lighter, just seeing the other smile. Despite everything, a genuine smile from Siffrin was.. quite rare these days. Siffrin of course, had a lot of different smiles. But after everything that happened, an overwhelming majority of them that he would give recently, were unfortunately forced or anxious, just a coping mechanism or a stress response. But this smile in particular.. it was soft and genuine, a bit guilty.
Odile couldn’t help but half smile herself, however small it was.
“ ..look. Since you outright refuse to go to sleep on your own- whether it’s because you don’t want to, or can’t- you need it. You need sleep, Siffrin. “ She said, the smile disappearing as soon as she came back to the subject at hand. She could clearly see the small grimace appearing on the younger’s face the moment that she did. She may be old, but her memory isn’t that bad just yet.
She removed her hand from the white, tangly hair, and instead went back to where she was sitting before, grabbing her book, and motioning for the other to scoot over with a motion of her pointer finger. Somehow, that little gesture was both hilarious and scary to Siffrin. Though, despite himself, he felt his body move anyway. He hesitantly made his way over, sitting down next to the Researcher, curling up his legs up to his chest, hugging them. He rested his chin on his knee, and looked up at Odile, giving her a look representing a mixture of nervousness and curiosity. The older only glanced over at him briefly, before opening her book once more, on the page that she marked a minute before.
And then, she began to read aloud. And Siffrin realised what was her point in all of this. He could only look over, with his eye slightly wide, at Mira and Bonbon, sleeping together in their shared sleeping bag. The book Mira had been reading to Bonnie, waiting patiently next to them, for the next night to come.
For some reason, feeling like a little kid, needing to be read stories in order for him to go to sleep felt all humiliating, condescending and strangely.. nice.
He looked right back up at Odile, still with that slightly stunned look on his face. It was quite obvious that she was aware of his staring, but refused to look over, and instead continued talking about whatever topic her book was about. Even if Siffrin would try to actually pay attention to it though, he probably would just zone out- by complete accident, too.
He couldn’t help but feel tension leave his body quickly. Looking down, he stared at the fireplace, the flames gently flickering and casting just enough light for the Researcher to be able to read the words. Feeling a certain warmth bloom in his chest, Siffrin couldn’t hold himself back from smiling. It was genuine this time. It was always genuine, whenever he thought of his friends. His family.
Hesitant to do so at first, he eventually gave into his own urge, and slowly leaned the side of his head against Odile’s arm, listening to her voice, as she read paragraph after paragraph of text. It seemed like she was not quite expecting it, pausing if just for a second or two, causing Siffrin to hold his breath. Eventually though, she continued, not commenting on it at all. Not minding it at all. If anything, as Siffrin paid close attention to her face, her eyes seemed to.. soften. Or maybe it was just his exhaustion playing tricks on him again..? He couldn’t be sure anymore.
Unironically, despite the boring lecture, it did not fail to send Siffrin at ease, Odile’s calm tone of voice being a welcoming distraction from.. everything.
He really does not deserve those people. He knows he doesn’t. But.. he wants to be greedy, just this once.
And this time, he might’ve been out like a light even faster than Bonnie themselves after being read a story. And this time, he knew, for some reason.. he will have a peaceful rest, this time.
The fear of waking up in that very same clearing in Vaugarde, completely melting away, if only for one, warm night.