Work Text:
Jisu told herself to just be normal. After all, they were only talking about an extremely personal, major change to their sense of self that would permanently alter the state of her seven-year friendship and four-year relationship with Minho. Minho, the sweetest boyfriend they could ever ask for, the only person who bounced off her sense of humor perfectly and filled in all the gaps in her life. Minho, who she met as a fiery first-year and who helped to round them out and calm them down by the time Jisu graduated. Minho, who asked her out after the ceremony and caused her to burst into tears twice that day. Minho, who'd moved them in together when the time was right. Sweet, grounding, good-for-her Minho. They asked Minho to come home early tonight instead of working a little later like he usually does, so he should be home any moment now. There was nothing to be worried about. Everything would be fine.
Jisu heard the front door unlock and bit their lip hard enough to draw blood.
Fine. Everything will be fine.
"Jagiya," Minho called, smile in his voice evident, "I'm home! Where are you?"
Jisu could hear Minho placing his things down at the door before padding his way through the apartment. She was in their room, hands balled into fists and clenching the fabric of her new pajama shorts, a more feminine pair than the pajamas she already owned. It paired with a spaghetti strap tank top, little frills and bows on either side that accentuated the softer appearance they were going for. Usually, on the nights where Minho works a bit later, this outfit gives her a sense of confidence and security. Of course she'd take it off and hide it away before he could ever see them in it, but in the moments she had, this was something precious. Jisu is currently doing everything in her power to not let that confidence turn into shame when Minho walks into their shared room.
"Hi," she says in a small voice, "H-how was work today?"
Jisu wants to fling herself off a bridge.
"Hi baby," Minho replies, seemingly nonplussed. He strips off his work-worn apron and with it the rest of his clothes, changing into one of Jisu's graphic tees and sweatpants instead. He crosses the distance from the door to their bed and gives Jisu a kiss, one that calms her nerves just a bit. At the very least, the sight of her like this didn't put Minho off. That's good. That's a start. "Work was fine. There was a pretty big catering order today but," he grabs Jisu by the waist, depositing her on his lap as he continues, "my baby wanted me home early. So the other bakers handled it."
Jisu snorts, "Felix is gonna be mad at you tomorrow."
"Felix can be mad when he gets seniority," Minho teases, "You look really pretty today, Hannie."
Ah. So they're talking about it.
"Thank you, hyu—Min."
"Something you wanna talk about?"
There is. Jisu initiated this, it's only right to see it through. Felix would be annoyed if Minho left for nothing. However, that matters considerably less than Minho thinking they don't trust him.
"Yeah, so uh," Jisu starts nervously. She's begun bouncing her leg and fidgeting with her nails, unable to keep the anxiety inside her ever-changing body. She'll start with that, maybe? "So, right. I'm sure you've noticed, but I've gained a bit of weight recently."
"I have. It looks good on you! You look so round and soft these days," Minho pinches their cheeks and Jisu flushes all over, "Always loved how squishy these are and now they're squishier. My cute little Hannie."
Jisu is quiet for a moment as they take in Minho's praises. They're already feeling more at ease, and isn't that how it always is? Of course Minho could feel the panic radiating off her body—anyone probably could have—and know exactly how to calm her down from it. She feels just the slightest bit better about taking the next step.
"Yeah! Yeah, thank you. And I," she coughs a bit to clear her throat, "I've also. Ya know, my hair. It's longer. How do you uh. Like it? Does it look nice?"
Minho eyes Jisu a bit skeptically at first, but his gaze is quickly replaced with an expression of fondness as he fingers through Jisu's almost-shoulder length hair. It's curled into a slightly worn perm now and, in Jisu's opinion, frames her face just so. He twirls her hair around his fingers before adjusting Jisu once more so that they're straddling his lap.
"Baby, did you call me home early to tell you that you're pretty?" Minho smiles, circling his arms around their waist, "Because you are. You're very pretty, Jisungie."
And at that, Jisu knows that they have to do what they actually intended to do.
"Ah. S-so, about that," Jisu hesitates a bit, steels herself before continuing. It'll be fine, she thinks inwardly. Everything will be okay. "So, so I've been doing a lot of thinking. Recently. I haven't kept this from you for long, you know. Just a couple of months. Which can seem like a long time but we've known each other for several years so in the grand scheme of things it's not really that long and—"
"Hannie, you're doing it again," Minho interrupts gently, knowing that this is usually how her spirals start.
"Right. Right, okay. Thank you," she takes a breath. Starts again. "So I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. About... about, you know, my identity and things. And I thought for a long time I was just really content? With being a 'feminine guy'," Jisu adds air quotes around the last two words and breathes out a laugh to calm her nerves again. They haven't once looked at Minho's face, too embarrassed, too afraid. "And I think I was! For a while. And I know that like, gender isn't determined by your presentation and you can like feminine things as a guy but the more I thought about it the less I felt 'like a guy'? And then I talked about it a lot in therapy and you know, my therapist is really nice. So she helped me work through this for a few months and I eventually got a referral to start hormone replacement therapy, which I know is a really major step and I should've told you before I started it but I—"
"Hey, hey jagi," Minho's voice cuts through her rambling once more, one hand coming up to thumb away the tears Jisu wasn't even aware of. "It's okay, okay? Can you look at me? I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here."
So Jisu does just that. She looks at him and sees nothing but love and support in his eyes and she almost loses it.
"I'm nonbinary. Transfeminine, specifically. Agender girl-ish, or... whatever. I haven't really. I didn't think about the specific label. But that's. So I'm a little rounder and I've been growing my hair out because. Yeah," and then, all at once, "And I'm so so sorry for not telling you earlier. You're my boyfriend but also my best friend and you deserve to know these things. It wasn't fair to you. I'm so sorry. I understand if you want to br—"
"Jisung," Minho starts, and then immediately corrects himself, "Actually, what do you want to be called now? And your pronouns?"
"J-Jisu. Jisu is fine. Hannie is still fine, too. And she or they pronouns. Both work. Girlfriend is good, partner is also good. I think that... I think that about covers it."
Minho nods and continues, "Jisu-yah," he sighs, and Jisu almost cries hearing her name on his lips for the first time, "Jagi, we're not breaking up over this. Or like, literally anything. I'm in love with you. Unconditionally, okay? That means always. You know that, right? You have to know that. At least that."
Jisu wants, she wants so badly to believe the words she's hearing. But they need to make sure of something first.
"Jagi..." she says hesitantly, "I love you. I love you more than anything but. You're gay, aren't you?" When Minho fixes her with a look, she backtracks "I-I mean like! You know. Because I'm not a guy. I can't be that for you if that's what you want. I know you love me but I can't ask you to sacrifice yourself for my comfort."
At this, all Minho can do is look at her with equal parts sadness and amusement. "Jisu-yah, isn't that what you've been doing all these months?" Jisu almost shrinks back in shame but Minho holds her closer, "And besides. You're not the only one who's gone through some identity shifts during our relationship. So consider it no problem, okay?"
He almost gets away with dropping that little bit of information until Jisu shimmies out of the hold he has on them. "Come again?"
"So I'm bisexual—" and Minho is briefly interrupted by a sputtering Jisu before he continues, "—but the only reason I didn't tell you is because I didn't really think it mattered! I realised it maybe two years into us dating and promptly decided it didn't really affect me that much because I'm already with the love of my life. So for me it was like, well why does it matter who I could be potentially attracted to if I only ever want to be with you? I wasn't really denying myself anything because I already have what I want. And I'm still not denying myself anything because it's you. It'll always just be you, Jisu-yah."
"So you're not," there's a steady flow of tears wetting Jisu's cheeks that she's acutely aware of at this point, but she makes no effort to stop it, "you're not mad at me?"
"No baby, I'm not mad at you. I'm proud of you, I know it must have been hard and I'm sorry you worried so much about it." Minho wipes their cheeks again and presses kisses to each one, maneuvering them to lie down facing each other. "Have you told anyone else?"
Jisu shakes their head, taking advantage of the position to curl her legs around Minho's and hide their face in his chest. "Wanted you to be the first."
Minho lets out a pained sound at that.
"I love you. I love you and we'll do this together, okay? You don't have to hide or do any of this alone anymore. We can pick out clothes you like, a-and you can wear them around the house or on dates whenever you're comfortable," Jisu's just a little bit aware of the fact that Minho is shaking, even if slightly, but he goes on, "and we can tell our friends whenever you're ready. I'll call you Hannie around them until you want to come out to them, right? Is that okay?"
Jisu nods her head against Minho's chest and it's like a dam broke, because he can't stop now. "Okay. That's good. That's great. And as far as sex goes—Oh my god. Jisu," fear seeps into his voice as he pries the younger out of his hold to look her in the eyes, "baby, we didn't do anything you didn't want to recently right? I don't, oh my god. I—"
"Min," they called softly, "you're doing it again." An echo of his words from earlier. A testament to the two of them knowing each other's tells and being able to reel the other in before it gets too bad. "All of that sounds fine. The shopping and coming out and stuff. A-at my own pace, of course. And yeah, no. Don't worry about the sex thing. I," she coughs a bit, blush decorating her cheeks, "I love bottoming of course, you make me feel so loved and cared for when I do but. I still really, really like topping you. Like. A lot."
Minho's premature panic evaporates instantaneously, but is almost immediately replaced with mischief. "Yeah?"
And Jisu groans, knowing she walked into that one, "Yes," she grumbles, playful smile tugging at her lips.
"My pretty girlfriend," Minho singsongs, "My lovely Jisu-yah loooves topping me. She likes it soooooo much."
"Oh shut the hell up!" Jisu giggles, lightness filling her chest as Minho rolls around on top of her and starts kissing down her face and neck.
"She loves topping sooo much even though I do all the work. Greedy little Jisu. Only ever wants to lay down while I work overtime to make us both feel good."
"It's not my fault!" she weakly defends, heart-shaped smile gracing her face as Minho continues pressing kisses all around. "You leaned into me being a pillow princess so hard I just never bothered with anything else. If anything, that's your fault, really."
Minho dramatically places a hand to his chest, "My fault? God, how could I have ever been so careless? Well, from now on, Jisu-yah, we're gonna have to have some serious changes around here. Besides, I hear cardio is good for balancing your hormones and all that. Consider it an aide in your transition."
"You're impossible."
"You love me so much."
And Jisu can't deny that. Not even a little bit. "Yeah. I do. More than anything." They take Minho into their arms and he falls on top of them, holding her close in his. "Thank you. Thank you, Minho. It means the world to me. You mean the world to me."
"Baby, of course. Anything for you. Literally anything, anything at all. I won't say this hasn't changed things because it obviously has, but we'll get through all of it together, right? I love you. Thank you for trusting me with this."
When they kiss, it's far from the first time, but it feels like it. It feels like a fresh start. It feels like home.