Work Text:
In the days following, the walks became a daily occurrence. Each day Mei-Yin was able to travel farther and eventually (although sooner than Helena would have preferred), Mei-Yin was up and about as if nothing had ever happened.
Helena, now one of the people who knew Mei-Yin the best, could tell that Mei-Yin was not back at 100% like she insisted with her facade. During their training sessions, Helena was able to land a couple too many blows and ran a bit too closely behind her instructor. As much as the modern woman wanted to be proud of herself for finally catching up to her ancient warrior companion, she knew that she was not the cause.
After their training session today they were relaxing in Helena’s room, her head resting on Mei-Yin’s shoulder as they sat side by side on the bed.
“You know you don’t have to hide yourself from me.” Helena broke the comfortable silence the two of them shared but did not move.
“Hmm,” the pensive woman peered down with an amused smile, “and what makes you believe that I am hiding?”
“You pretend for everyone that you are completely healed but I can tell you’re still hurt…” Helena trailed off, flattening her mouth while she carefully decided how to continue, “If not physically than mentally.” She felt Mei-Yi stiffen as she sat up a touch straighter.
Helena lifted her head off of her companion’s shoulder and turned to face the woman. She pulled Mei-Yin’s hands into her own in what she hoped would be taken as a tender and grounding gesture. Helena studied the face of the woman she had come to care about during her time on this cursed island. She looked much the same to the untrained eye. Her cheekbones still as sharp as the spear she was so skilled with while her expressions still favored intensity and yet there was something there - something new. When Helena looked into her eyes she could see how tired Mei-Yin truly was. She had never told Helena what Nerva or his men had done to her while she had been in his prison but in the state that she had found her…
Helena shook the thoughts away. She didn’t want to imagine their cruel treatment, she wanted to help her - here and now, how ever she could.
“You don’t have to tell me anything but I want you to know that you can, if you want to.” The words were rushed out at the end as Helena grew nervous. How did ancient Chinese warriors view feelings - much less talking about them? Probably not positively.
To her surprise, Mei-Yin spoke, “I had yet to experience being captured in battle myself. I have experienced defeat, as you have heard, but not capture. The last time-” Mei-Yin stopped, composing herself. She was still not looking at Helena, instead keeping her gaze focused straight in front. She swallowed, “The last time someone I knew had been captured was my brother, on the day that I died.” Helena stifled a gasp in an attempt to keep as still and quiet as she could manage. She didn’t want to scare off the usually private woman.
“He was my younger brother and I had loved him deeply, yet I loved the mission more… vengeance more. The Emperor’s troops had tried to lure me away from the palace with the news of his capture yet I pushed on. It was a trap. The emperor had never even been there. The general of his army presented me with the bloody knife that my brother possessed, its twin in my own hand. Matching knives, given to us by our grandfather on the night he was murdered. My brother was dead, our mission was a failure, and I was about to die. With my last act, I took down that bastard general, our knives taking one final life - together.” Mei-Yin pauses, seemingly realizing that she had become lost in her story. She refocused, “I spent the majority of my time in Nerva’s jail reliving this memory, wondering if what I was experiencing was anything like my brother’s final moments… I have not stopped wondering.” Helena understood what Mei-Yin’s limited vocabulary on mental health was alluding to. She also knew that comforting words would fall on deaf ears, so she went with a different tactic.
“My wife also died in a civil war. There aren’t many details known about what happened but the group that murdered her claimed it, with pride. During my last days, all I could do was think about what her last moments must have been like.” Helena felt her eyes prickle but she blinked away the tears, “It killed me.” Mei-Yin finally met Helena’s gaze, her eyes showing hurt and sadness but also sympathy. Everyone on this island had lost someone close to them but Mei-Yin and Helena shared a specific type of pain. The pain of uncertainty.
Words were insufficient in expressing the vastness of their emotions. Instead, Mei-Yin leaned in and kissed Helena, gently yet firmly. A gesture that she hoped expressed the comfort she wished to provide Helena along with the fact she wasn’t leaving her anytime soon. Helena understood.
“Thank you.” She spoke quietly, feeling a little silly that she started this conversation trying to comfort Mei-Yin and now she was thanking the woman for comforting her. Helena rested her head on Mei-Yin’s shoulder, just as she had been at the start of this conversation.