Work Text:
Kurapika walks into his hotel room, loosening his tie and collapsing to the ground. After locking the door, he checks his phone. A sigh escapes him when he sees the missed calls. His eyes land on a text message from Leorio. “Hey sunshine, I hope you aren't too tired to read this. I just wanted to let you know the kids are in town; we went to the park today! Gon made friends with a dog look!” Below the text is an image of Leorio smiling while Gon pets a dog. Behind him, he can see Killua and Alluka standing next to the dog as well. He smiles a bit before sighing and standing up. He chugs the black coffee he left on the counter this morning, sitting down at the desk to do some research into a lead for the eyes of his clan. The more he searches, the angrier he gets. He slams his laptop shut, opting for the half-empty bottle of whiskey on his bedside table. Taking a large gulp, he likes the burn of the room-temperature alcohol. He breathes deeply, chugging the rest of his bottle.
His head spinning, he opens another one, slowly sipping the drink this time. His heart is racing as he sits on his bed. Thoughts of his friends fill his head. He thinks of Pairo, his first friend. He misses him. His mind wanders to Gon, the kid who made him feel alive after five long years of darkness, the boy who could make Satan his friend if he smiled bright enough. The boy he couldn’t go see on his death bed because he was too busy Kurapika shakes his head, thinking of Killua, someone so strong and hiding so much. The boy reminds him of himself; he's smart and strategic, but he's still just a kid. Kurapika silently prays that he is happier than he last knew. He hopes that he can stay alive long enough to meet his sister, who he has heard so much about.
Finally, Kurapika thinks of Leorio, the person who plagues his thoughts more often than he would like to admit. Kurapika sits up and takes another gulp of his whisky groaning he cant stop thinking of his voice, the care he uses when speaking to kurapika the gentle tone that lulls him right to sleep after a long day his mind reeling with thoughts of his stupid charming face or the way he blushes at the smallest compliment and gets all angry at a small insult and dont get him started on his recklessness when it comes to his protectivness he holds for his friends he treats everyone whos deserving with the utmost respect the way he looks at him like he couldnt hurt a fly despite the blood on his hands the way he held him the last time they were together like if he let up his grip at all Kurapika would slip away hes so sweet and kind Kurapika isn't lost on the tension between him and the tall male, but he also knows he's undeserving of that feeling. He can't love Leorio; it will only hurt him in the end. He can't let anyone in, especially not someone so lovely, someone who deserves to be held in the eyes of God and given gratitude, someone who can make him feel like anger isn't the only thing he deserves to feel in life, someone he could see himself being with for the rest of his life, but he can't, he doesn't deserve that not with how many people he's lost due to his negligence, not with the people he's abandoned for his own selfish goals, not with the people he's killed to further his own position in the world not with the fact he's slowly killing himself to kill others, no he doesn't deserve He's far too good for Kurapika; he’ll get his warmth from his cheap whiskey and shitty hotel coffee. Leorio is just too sweet.