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He’s in her jacket. Riz is curled up in her jacket, Boggy tucked up under his arm. And Adaine feels nauseas.
They’re down (Riz laid, Adaine sat) on the floor of the janitor’s closet and Riz is rocking slightly, clutching the fur lining of said jacket. He’s not talking yet, he hasn’t since Adaine pulled him in here. He’s calmer now, no longer hyperventilating, but still not talking.
Adaine gets that. She understands. That should be helpful.
It shouldn’t make her own heart skip.
Riz is staring straight ahead, but not in an unfocused way. He looks at her for a while every now and then. Adaine really hopes that’s a good thing. Surely it’s a good thing. She also hopes he doesn’t notice her trying to keep her own self calm.
Because are they going to take it seriously? Has Adaine watered this down so much that people won’t be as concerned as they should be?
A part of her brain says that’s stupid: they haven’t stopped caring when Adaine has panic attacks so why would they not care that Riz just has? But thinking that makes her feel sick like she’s lying to herself despite ‘knowing’ she’s not, so she doesn’t want to think it, and she’s spiralling internally just a little.
How could she be so self-centred to make it so one of her dearest friends wouldn’t get the amount of concern he should have?
Boggy looks up at her from where he sits pulsating steadily under Riz’s arm and ribbits softly. Riz’s eyes move to him, but not as though startled. He takes a soft breath. Adaine tries to too. Riz’s lips twitch ever so slightly as Boggy ribbits a second time. That’s definitely a good sign.
She waits a little more before speaking, just to take it slow. “You don’t have to, but do you want to talk about it?”
Exhaling slowly, Riz pushes himself up into a sitting position and hands Boggy back to Adaine (she gives him back and Riz seems grateful, setting him on his lap). “I guess I don’t… know? They were just talking and asking things and I just… I don’t know.”
Though she waits for him to elaborate more, he doesn’t. Has he really not considered it? Or is he refusing to?
“Do you think, maybe,” Adaine says slowly, “that you’ve put too much on your plate?”
He shakes his head. “No, I don’t know what happened.”
Maybe he’s not ready to admit it. Maybe he’s scared of what admitting it would mean. Maybe he’s just not in the state of mind at this moment.
“Riz…you’re not oka-”
His pleading eyes make her stop. Her heart hurts. She wishes she could run away with him. In theory, of course. In practice it would be complicated and stressful and Adaine does like school, even if it’s the worst sometimes. Even if she often ends up in the corridor hyperventilating. Even if Riz has ended up doing the same.
“Oh, Riz.” She lifts her arms slightly as an invitation and he scampers into them. He’s not heavy on her lap, but he’s warm and his hair smells like ‘Riz’ (she can never pinpoint it, but it’s nice and it makes her own heartbeat slow) and she breaths and he sighs and he purrs so softly she can barely hear it, but she does. She hears it and she listens and she breaths.
“Please don’t tell any one,” he whispers.
She pauses. She thinks Jawbone could help, but… if she pushes it, will Riz come to her again? Will that leave him with no one? Someone is better than no one.
“I think you should, but I won’t.”
He doesn’t answer, just breaths. She breaths. They breath.
It’s ok.