Chapter Text
Things were going as well as they ever had in Hell. The hotel was rebuilt; Charlie and Vaggie were engaged; and, while they hadn’t added any new residents, there had been some Sinners drifting by to at least give the hotel a look. Unless you counted Cherri Bomb; though she only stayed over every other day at most, and even then just to sleep off hangovers.
Overall, things were going well enough that Vaggie— who’d already been waiting for the next shoe to drop —wasn’t all that surprised when Lucifer popped into the hotel one day with some Heavenly news.
“Heaven wants a meeting with us at the embassy? Now?!” Charlie asked in equal parts excitement and trepidation next to Vaggie; the pair of them standing and staring at the King in the hotel lobby.
“They asked for you and I to both attend,” Lucifer nodded, his back straight and serious.
“Do we know who’s coming?” Vaggie questioned, already pulling out her spear and testing its edge.
“Would they send Lute again?” A low growl wove it way in between Charlie’s words, her eyes glowing red for a moment.
“Only one way to find out,” Lucifer said, opening a portal for them. “Wanna come with, Vaggie?”
“Try and stop me.”
“I’d rather not.”
“You sure you want to come?” Charlie asked, grabbing Vaggie’s hand before she could walk through the portal.
“I’m sure,” she smiled, threading their fingers together. “We’re a team, aren’t we?”
“Hell yeah,” the princess grinned. “Plus, this will be great practice for when you become Princess Consort!”
“Yeah!” Vaggie grinned back; until the words finally hit home.
“...Wait- A princess whatnow?”
“Let’s do this!” Charlie cheered, dragging her bemused fiancée through the portal, Lucifer chuckling a little as he followed. They all stepped out onto the sidewalk immediately outside Heaven’s Embassy, the portal zipping closed behind them.
“That is so useful!” Charlie grinned at her father. “Wish I could do that.”
“Oh- Oh yeah? Well then, I’d be happy to teach ya!”
“Really?! Yay!”
“-I’m sorry, can we go back to the ‘Princess Consort’ thing?” Vaggie asked, looking a little wide eyed.
“Well sure. Char’s the Princess of Hell and next in line for the throne, so any spouse she’d have would be a consort. So, after the wedding, your title would be ‘Princess Consort’,” Lucifer shrugged, waving his hand like it was no big deal as they all three climbed the steps up to the building. “Honestly, it’s mostly a formality; it comes with pretty much the same benefits you already have by being her girlfriend.”
“Only it sounds fancier~” Charlie said with a grin, swinging their still joined hands. Any reply Vaggie had slipped from her mind as she caught sight of the Embassy’s large lobby.
“Whoa. It’s...surprisingly clean in here.” Her eye roved around, struggling to find so much as a speck of dust floating through the air, nevermind the litter that usually accompanied a largely unoccupied building in Hell.
“Yeah, I find Sinners tend to avoid this place,” Lucifer shrugged as he signed them in at the perpetually unmanned front desk. “Pretty sure Heaven warded it to keep out squatters. I use something similar for the garden. Though for some reason it doesn’t work on fucking quevies!”
“Are they still bothering your topiaries, Dad?” his daughter wondered, nonplussed by the fire flickering out of her father’s mouth.
“YES! THE FUCKING LITTLE SHITS!”
Judging by the rant that followed— filled with more garden-related words than Vaggie had ever heard all at once in Hell or Heaven —the angel got the impression this was a recurring issue. One that Lucifer seemed very opinionated on. When he began describing mounted flamethrowers as the three of them continue to simply stand in the lobby, she figured it was about time to remind him why they were there in the first place.
“-Sooo, how exactly do these meetings work?”
“-goddamn droppings- Hm? Oh. Usually Heaven sends someone down, we talk for about twenty minutes and then I go home,” Lucifer sighed as he straightened his hat again, before finally walking down a nearby hallway, the girls right behind him.
“Last time I was here it was Adam and Lute,” Charlie grimaced.
“Whelp, least we know Adam won’t be showing up! Ha ha!”
“Ugh, I swear if I have to deal with Lute today, I’m gonna-”
“Uhp uhp uhp, hold that thought, Vaggie,” Lucifer chuckled as he brought them to a stop in front of a new pair of doors. “Don’t give away the game plan just yet.”
Before either girl could react, Lucifer grabbed the door handles and threw both doors wide open.
“Dad! You couldn’t have knocked first?!”
“Nope! Gotta do a cool entrance; helps keep my rep up!”
“Fair point,” Vaggie nodded.
“Vaggie, no.”
The trio entered the meeting room, and any intent they might have had at trying to remain aloof in the face of Heaven went straight back out the door the moment Charlie caught sight of just who was sitting at the table.
“Eeeeee~ Emily!” she squealed, dashing over to the younger Seraphim’s side, though she stopped short of actually trying to touch her.
“It’s so good to see you again! God, I wish you were really here so I could hug you!”
”I am, and you can!” Emily stood from the table with a laugh, wrapping her arms around Charlie.
“Ohmygod!” Charlie shrieked, returning the hug fiercely, both of them jumping up and down and squealing in delight. The joy on Charlie’s face made the pain in Vaggie’s ears worth it; though it was still hard to hide her wince at the sheer volume.
“Who’s this now?” Lucifer mumbled to Vaggie, “I don’t remember her.”
“Emily; a Seraphim,” she answered plainly. Vaggie wasn’t exactly thrilled to see Emily so close to Charlie again; or Sera for that matter, sitting on the other side of the table from the ecstatic pair. However she found her “jealously”— though she’d eat rotten meat before admitting out loud that’s what it was —was significantly less than it had been the first time they had met Emily.
She chalked it up to the reassuring glint from Charlie’s ring shining from her finger and the weight of the one wrapped around her own finger; a recent gift from her fiancée that Vaggie refused to take off.
“I can’t believe you two are actually here!” Charlie carried on.
“Believe it! Although Sera is not,” Emily stated when she finally pulled back, throwing her sister’s form a withering stare.
Sera sighed. “For the last time, I do not think its wise for both of us to be gone from Heaven at the same time.”
“Yes, of course. Definitely for no other reason!” Emily agreed through gritted teeth. Vaggie found herself smirking a little at the Seraphim’s attitude towards Sera. After a moment Emily returned her gaze to Charlie, her mood sobering.
“Anyway, before anything else; I just want you know how sorry I am that I failed to get them to halt the last Extermination in time.”
“I’m sure you did your best,” Charlie assured her with a small smile. “And I’m sorry about Adam; even if he was an asshole.”
“Yeah, that was...not great,” Emily winced, “Buuuut he did attack you, so, technically it was self defense?”
“I’d call it wholly justified,” Lucifer chimed in drolly.
“Seconded,” added Vaggie.
“Lucifer-” Sera started.
“He put his hands on my daughter, Sera,” he growled, his eyes glowing faintly red. “In direct violation of the deal you and I made.”
“Wait- That’s Lucifer?!” Emily whispered to Charlie, with Vaggie just barely being able to hear her from where she and Lucifer still stood by the door. A glance at the King made her hopeful he was too busy glaring at the elder Seraphim to have noticed.
“Yup! That’s my Dad!”
“He’s...a lot shorter than I was expecting.”
“Yeah, he gets that a lot.”
“And that justified you killing him?!” Sera carried on, also heedless of the conversation happening on the other side of the table.
“I certainly think so! But, regardless of my opinion, I’m not the one who did the old boy in,” Lucifer shrugged. “Not for a lack of trying of course; Charlie’s just a better person than I am and stopped me at the last second.”
“You didn’t kill Adam?” Emily asked.
“Nope. That was Niffty,” he grinned.
One of Sera’s eyes twitched. “I would not refer to the death of the first man as ‘nifty’.”
“I would, ha ha! Ahhh. But no; ‘Niffty’ is the name of the sinner who killed him.”
Emily cocked her head, “He was killed by a sinner?”
“Yup,” Vaggie answered, swapping her spear for her phone and walking over to Charlie and Emily. Without any preamble she pulled up the video a VoxTech drone had recorded of Adam’s little speech getting interrupted by a knife through his chest and all of the stabbing that happened afterwards. Vaggie had to bite her lip to keep from smiling as she half rewatched the video— she’d even gone as far as to download it —and half watched Emily’s paling face as she watched it.
”Wow! That is- Oh lord, that’s a lot of blood,” Emily winced, covering her eyes with her hands for a moment before stepping away. “Ahem. Okay, I have...so many questions about all of that- But! There’s more important things to talk about first!”
“Oh?” Charlie wondered before an autotuned version of Niffty repeatedly yelling ‘stab’ came from Vaggie’s phone, the next video in her downloads autoplaying. The angel giggled as she watched a remixed version of the video they had just seen, now with background music. It was honestly very well done, and she’d been meaning to look into the uploader’s other videos but she kept getting distracted-
“Vaggie,” she heard Charlie chide her gently.
“Hm? Oh! Heh- Sorry!” Vaggie blushed, putting her phone away sheepishly.
“Right, so!” Emily continued, clapping her hands together. “I am thrilled to announce that as of today~ the Extermination has been indefinitely called off!”
“What?!” Charlie shrieked, face splitting into a massive grin complete with sparkles.
“Holy shit,” Lucifer said in disbelief before his own grin followed, “Holy shit!”
“Are you serious?!” Vaggie demanded.
“Emily, that’s amazing~!” Charlie yelled, tackling the Seraphim in another hug that was happily returned, “How did you manage that?!”
“It wasn’t me, it was you!”
“Me?!”
“Atta girl, Charlie!” Lucifer crowed.
“Charlie, you did it!” Vaggie breathed, a beaming smile growing on her face as her and Charlie’s eyes met. Charlie matched her grin and bested it instantly.
“Which actually brings me to my next announcement!” Emily went on, pulling back from Charlie. “Going forward, I want to increase the communications between Hell and Heaven. And to do that I think it would be a good idea for us to appoint ambassadors!”
Charlie gasped. “Oh my god, that is such a good idea!”
“Wait- Isn’t Charlie kinda already the ambassador?” Vaggie pointed out.
“Well, yes,” Emily shrugged. “To be fully honest I mostly came up with the idea as an excuse to bring someone down here with me.”
“Someone else is here?” Lucifer asked, cocking his head. Emily grinned widely and fluttered over to a small door in the back of the room. She cracked open the door and stuck her head through. Vaggie leaned to one side, trying to see, but the Seraphim’s wings blocked her view.
“You ready?” she asked. Vaggie heard someone respond but not their exact words. “... Lucifer and Charlie came and they brought Vaggie too! ... Great!” Emily hopped back and flung the door open wide with a flourish, “Come on in!”
“Emily, who are you...” Charlie’s words faded at the same speed her eyes widened as she took in the figure that walked- no, slithered through the doorway. The angel— and he had to be an angel, Emily said she’d brought him with her and he even had a halo for fuck’s sake —was outfitted in gold and pale yellow, with an eye-adorned tophat.
It...It can’t be... Charlie thought, mind stunned to almost a standstill, but still running fast enough to understand that she knew who this was.
His previously dark skin was now a soft blue color, and his hood and tail were as different from before as the rest of him; gone were the random red eyes that always focused somewhere between a thousand yards and straight at you. His whole appearance was softer, even his main pair of eyes were different; yellow with red irises rather than red with black.
His smile, however, was the same; right down to the shyness that was forever tucked into the corners whenever he was being genuine.
He- He’s-
Sir Pentious came fully into the room, pulling his hat down to his chest as he gave Charlie a neat little bow, “Hello, your Highnesssss.”
“Oh fuck,” Charlie heard Vaggie gasp from behind her, followed shortly by her father going, “Well I’ll be...”
Charlie took an unsteady step towards what she half-feared was another hologram; a cruel prank worse than anything Adam could ever hope to dream up.
“Pen-Pentious?” she called, not bothering to even try and catch the tears beginning to escape from her eyes.
“Yesss, missss,” Pentious hissed, kneading his hat slightly. “Did you, perchanncce, missss me?”
Charlie’s chin wobbling was the only warning the snake got before she launched herself across the room, tackling him so hard into a hug they both very nearly fell over.
“You- I- Pen!” she sobbed into his shoulder, his hat flopping to the floor as he wrapped his own arms around her. Charlie was dimly aware of Vaggie’s familiar thin but corded arms joining in on the hug as well, the angel giving a sniffle and a quiet whisper of Pentious’s name.
“I- I am so sorry!” Charlie cried, “I-I was supposed to protect you! And I fai-l-l-ed!”
“No, no; you didn’t fail me, Charlie,” Pentious assured her, gently rocking both women back and forth. “I knew I was going to die the moment I planned on launching my ship.”
“But you’re not?!” Vaggie exclaimed, perplexed as she felt the somehow still slimy snake in her arms. “How are you still alive?!”
“Well, actually I’m pretty sssure I did die during the battle? All I remember isss a bright flasssh of light,” he shrugged before finally leaning back to see their faces. “Did I hit Adam with my death ray? Did it hurt him?!” he asked excitedly.
““Uhhhhhh-”” the pair intoned in tandem, each momentarily having trouble meeting the snake’s eyes.
“He kinda...vaporized you before the ray fired,” Vaggie eventually winced out.
“...Oh...”
“-But I’m sure he would have felt it if it had landed a hit!” Charlie tried.
“Oh- Oh yeah! I bet he’d have been all ‘Ahhh, curse you, Sir Pentious!’” Vaggie added, shaking her fist during her impersonation.
“Really?!” Pentious gasped happily, the girls responding with force grins.
Lucifer cut into the reunion, “Charlie! Do you realize what this means?!”
“Huh?”
“Charlie, Pentious got redeemed,” Emily gushed, pulling Charlie by the shoulder to face her. “He died and popped right up in Heaven! Redemption works! You were right!”
Charlie blinked a few times as the words worked their way through her head.
Pentious died. He came to Hell. He died again. He went to Heaven.
He went to Heaven.
He went-
“I was right? ...Holy fuck, I was right!” she yelled, jumping up and down before pointing a finger across the table at the other Seraphim, “HA! IN YOUR FACE, SERA!!”
Sera’s face grimaced slightly at the language but soon returned to a somewhat remorseful looking neutrality before she spoke.
“Evidently I was too...hasty in my previous decisions concerning Hell and its inhabitants, and thus directly caused irreparable damage. I sincerely apologize and will do everything in my power to rectify this mistake,” she swore, bowing her head slightly as the rest of the room looked on in a wide range of emotion. “Given the severity of my actions, a serious discussion should be had on the best way to make amends, both to the people in this room and the rest of Hell, in general,” Sera continued, raising her head once more.
“Having said that; I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop twerking, Lucifer!” she growled, her Angelic form flaring slightly as she glared at the King of Hell. Everyone else turned to find that Lucifer was, indeed, twerking, his backside aimed directly at the elder Seraphim.
“My daughter was ri~ght~ My daughter was ri~ght~” he sang repeatedly.
“Dad?! When did you learn how to twerk?!”
“And how are you so good at it?” Vaggie asked, stunned.
“Angler showed me at your engagement party!” Lucifer happily explained, not pausing for even a moment.
“Wha- When?!” Charlie screeched, trying to think at what part of the party it could have happened while trying to not watch her father do what he was currently doing.
“I think it was when you and Vaggie slipped away to ‘grab more snacks from the kitchen’,” he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“...Oh yeah...” That had been their excuse, hadn’t it.
“Didn’t we forget to bring snacks back with us?” Vaggie chuckled, clearly also remembering.
“We did and Angel called us out on it-”
“-and then said, ‘ah hell, it’s your party-
““-Fuck on, bitches!”” They finished at the same time, breaking out into giggles that were only interrupted by a high pitch squeal.
“You two are engaged?!” Emily squeaked, somehow managing to glow even brighter.
“We are!” Charlie grinned, raising her hand to show off her ring, “Vaggie proposed just last week!”
“Oh my God, congratulations!” Emily squealed again, dragging both of them in for a hug. Charlie returned it readily and Vaggie even managed a few thankful pats onto the Seraphim’s shoulder.
“You’re getting married?!” Pentious gasped. “Can I come?”
“Fuck yeah, you can!”
“I’ll hand you the wedding invite myself,” Vaggie swore to him over Emily’s shoulder.
“Emily do you wanna come too?!” Charlie asked, pulling out of the hug just enough to see the angel’s face.
“Are you kidding?! I would love to!” Emily bounced in place.
“Yay~!” Charlie shrieked, the pair now bouncing in tandem and dragging poor Vaggie up and down with them.
“Congratulations you two,” Sera stated after clearing her throat, “Now, if we could return to discuss the business at hand-”
“Oh, pshaa, Sera-” Lucifer cut her off, straightening up and fixing his coat, finally done with his twerking, to everyone’s relief. “The girls just found out their friend is basically back from the dead! Let’em have their moment.”
“Oh shit!” Charlie squeaked, freezing in place before focusing her eyes back on Pentious, “We have to tell everyone! They’re gonna be so happy to see you again~!”
“Yeah! You need to see the new hotel!” Vaggie added, finally managing to extract herself from the arms of the ‘joy twins’. “We had to rebuild the whole thing after Adam basically nuked the last one.”
“It’s bigger and better than ever!” Charlie squealed, once more jumping up and down. “Everything works, there’s no stains, there were no bugs but then Niffty was sad so we started this sort of greenhouse area to attract them and oh my God can you come and see it?! Like, right now?!”
“Ooh ooh, can I come too?!” Emily asked, actually raising up one hand and waving it ecstatically.
“Of course! Field trip!”
“Field trip~!”
“Girls,” Sera sighed, “We should really begin talking about-”
“Oh hush, you and I can start hashing out the big things while they enjoy themselves for a while,” Lucifer said waving her off. As Sera’s eyebrow began to twitch at being cut off, again, he snapped his fingers, opening another portal.
“You kids hang at the hotel for a while,” Lucifer smiled, “Just text me when you’re ready to come back!”
“Thanks, Dad!” Charlie grinned, grabbing Vaggie and Emily by their wrists and tugging them towards the portal, grabbing Pentious with her tail.
“Not a kid!” was the last thing they heard from Emily before all four went through the portal and it promptly vanished. Nodding proudly at himself— I get a gold star in parenting/king-ing! —Lucifer sat down across from Sera and kicked his heels up onto the table.
“So, shall we get this party started~?”
Sera’s brow twitched again.