Chapter Text
Zelena threw a ball of green light at Hook, hitting him before disappearing with a wicked laugh as the light engulfed him.
When the agonized screaming stopped and the light dissipated all that was left was a pile of crumpled clothes on the ground.
Regina eyed the pile of clothes. “What the hell happened?”
“Don't look at me. I'm as clueless as you are.” Emma looked at the pile warily.
And Gold shrugged. “Hopefully he's dead.”
“Gold,” David glared. “Did she use a teleportation spell or something–” The clothes began to shuffle and move. “...did she turn him into a pile of clothes!?”
The dark one snorted. “What an odd way that little brain of yours works.”
“Zip it, Gold.” Emma snapped, before turning to him. “Dad, what are you talking about —”
A small whimper came from the pile.
David looked at the clothing pile with distrust. Using the hilt of his sword, he poked the pile.
It jumped and a loud cry rang out. “Maman!”
Gold stared at the pile with an odd expression. “Nope!”
Regina turned to Gold with an incredulous expression. “I’m sorry, did you just say ‘nope?’ What has my sister gotten us into exactly, Gold?”
Gold pointed at the pile with his cane. “This! This is not my problem. You can deal with this!”
And with that, he was gone with a poof . Leaving behind nothing but smoke as the crying got louder and the clothes wiggled around more and more.
“This is getting ridiculous.” David huffed and went over to the clothes, intent on finding out what the heck is in there.
“I’d be careful, Charming. If whatever’s in there was enough to make Gold cut and run–”
David grabbed Killian’s heavy leather coat off of the pile, which revealed a small, pale, scarred, dark haired toddler with strikingly familiar blue eyes.
One that immediately fled from him and hid behind the door.
“–or maybe it’s just a baby and we’re in for it now.” Regina rubbed her temples. “I see why Gold bailed, what the fuck.”
Emma stared at the door, suddenly feeling faint. “Is that—”
“– Hook?” David gawked.
The toddler was not having any of this. “MAMAN! MAMAN!”
“...yeah, okay. I’m calling Snow. I can’t deal with–” he gestured vaguely to the toddler. “– this.”
He pulled out his cell and dialed. “Emma, Regina, make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.”
Regina glared at Emma. “Hey, he’s your pirate boyfriend. I’m staying out of this.”
“He's not my boyfriend! He's a toddler—”
Killian didn't know what was going on.
One minute he was chasing the family cat—a three legged black ball of fur and energy named Peggy—around the living room and the next he was in a scary, unfamiliar, dark place with big scary people.
One of which poked him with his sword!
He wanted his maman.
“Heeeeey, little…buddy.” A much kinder voice than the others called out to him. “It’s okay little guy.”
Killian peeked behind the door he was hiding behind to see a dark haired woman who must have been the ‘Snow’ the scary man had been talking about earlier.
“Are you friends with my maman?”
Snow decided to just lie for now. She thought it’d be easier than earning the boy’s trust the hard way. “Yes, I am. My name is Snow.”
He hesitantly edged towards her. “I'm boy but my maman and bubba calls me Killian!”
“Yes, I know. Your mother has told me so much about you!” Despite the… circumstances, she was finding it very easy to slip into her ‘mom voice.’
“Where'd she go?” He scrunched up his face. Then, suddenly his lip started trembling. “Did the medicine mans take her again?”
“No, she’s fine, honey.” Snow hesitated. “She just needed to…step out, for a bit.” She wondered how long it would take to change Killian back, and if that lie would hold up.
Killian seemed to believe her and edged even closer. But he didn't leave the door. “I'm cold. Can I has the warms cloak back?”
Snow pretended to think about it. “Hmm, well, I have something even better.” She shrugged off her sweater. “It has arm holes like a shirt, to keep you extra warm! Here.” She pulled the oversized sweater onto the boy.
He giggled, staying still. “Thank yous!”
Killian snuggled closer to Snow, looking around the barn curiously. A little less scared than he was before.
Snow couldn't help but smile. “Emma, David. You ready to go home?”
Emma was… shell shocked? Was that the right term? The infamous Captain Hook–sans perm and wax mustache–who she had thought was attractive, and maybe semi-into her, was now a toddler, who her mother was currently taking care of. She was going to need all of the alcohol she could get her hands on.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
David had a headache. “Uh-huh.” He knew Snow would handle this better than he could, but he thought that she was handling it a little too well. He leaned into Snow to give her a kiss on the cheek.
Only for Hook to flinch violently and try to scramble away from him. Clearly distressed.
Snow gave David an alarmed look and rubbed his back. “Hey, it's okay honey. My husband isn't going to hurt you—”
David’s headache just went from bad to worse.