Chapter Text
Astral Chat
H • E • R • T • A has added TrashCanLover, ImbibtorLunae, and 21 others
Loudmouth: I didnt consent to this
H • E • R • T • A: I am unable to feel sorrow towards you, March 7th.
Loudmouth: Let me out of this nightmare!
H • E • R • T • A: Sincere apologies, I am going to be unavailable for the time being. I will check on this chat from time to time. If you have any questions I can not answer, please talk to @Peppy4Eva. Farewell.
H • E • R • T • A has left the chat
TrashCanLover: if anything, it's a nightmare to be stuck with you.
Loudmouth: Shut the fuck up
ImbibitorLunae: March, please calm down.
Loudmouth: Its just that I CAN NOT be stuck in a gc with Caelus
TrashCanLover: tf did i do to you?
Loudmouth: Exist
TrashCanLover2: damn
TrashCanLover: yhat's not a reason
Oldfuck: Actually, it is. A person is able to despise one for just living.
TrashCanLover: …
TrashCanLover: i want my wife.
TrashCanLover2: @ImbibitorLunae come get ur husband
TrashCanLover: not that wife
ImbibitorLunae: Excuse me?
CoffeeLover1: Oop-
TrashCanLover: wait no
ImbibitorLunae: So you have a side chick, huh?
Creamanal: u fucked up blud
MommyKaf: I don't think I can save you my son
Arrestedshit: I'm liking this drama.
TrashCanLover: NO MY OTHER WIFE, TRASHINA!
ImbibitorLunae: Oh
ImbibitorLunae: Why didn't you just say so?
Arrestedshit: What in the actual fuck?
Chosen: You're not upset at that?
ImbibitorLunae: No, Caelus and Stelle are weirdly attracted to trashcans. I've learned to live with it.
Birdsnest: Gay
TrashCanLover: as if you aren't gayer for the b guy
Arrestedshit: Yeah, who is this B guy"?
Birdsnest has left the chat
Arrestedshit: Nah don't run bitch
Arrestedshit has left the chat
Actuallysane: istg that bitch is the dumbest motherfucker i've ever met.
Loudmouth: Try spending a day with Caelus or Stelle
TrashCanLover: frst ov al fucc q
TrashCanLover: seconde of al we was ounly boorne arond 2 yers aego
TrashCanLover2: YeH, weat he asid.
Blondkid: I had a stroke reading that
Theforce: Did they ever go to school?
TrashCanLover2: Mi dudd just asid we was only boorne arond 2 yers aego
FoxLady: Does anyone know how to speak dumbass?
ImbibitorLunae: I sadly do.
FoxLady: What did these two dumbasses just say?
ImbibitorLunae: "First of all fuck you"
ImbibitorLunae: "Second of all we were only born around 2 years ago."
ImbibitorLunae: "Yeah, what he said."
ImbibitorLunae: "My dude said we were only born 2 years ago."
Rock&Roll: Looks like we got a translator to ourselves
TrashCanLover: My beautiful Dan Heng is NOT a translator.
Rock&Roll: Oh so now you wanna speak English
TrashCanLover: wjeut r q ssayig
Rock&Roll: Bitch
TrashCanLover: hpe
Medicoverdose: Let's be nice to each other now.
TrashCanLover: why should I be nice to her?
Medicoverdose: Before I come over there with a saw and you won't be seeing your penis anymore.
TrashCanLover: hey would look at that
TrashCanLover: i have a therapy appointment
TrashCanLover: gootsa go bi
TrashCanLover has left the chat
TrashCanLover2: Caelus once fought over a trash can with a girl a few months ago.
Foureyes: What?
CoffeeLover1: When was this?
TrashCanLover2: idk
Creamanal: hypothetical question, what should i do if i "accidentally" switched two babies and pushed a pregnant woman down the stairs and is now running away from an angry mob and gepard is leading the charge with that little girl in tow?
Medicaloverdose: What the fuck, Sampo Leonard Harold Kosciusko Fernand Retailer Koski!?
TrashCanLover2: wtf?
Creamanal: please not the full name
Theforce: Should've thought about that before committing those crimes.
Creamanal: come on my little pumpkin with maple syrup, honey (will u plz bounce dat ass on me later?), and a cherry on top 🥺
Theforce: Ew
Theforce: 🤮
Creamanal: 😱
Creamanal: but honey boo boo bear
Theforce: No
Loudmouth: Why is this more interesting than Dan Heng and Caelus' couple drama
ImbibitorLunae: Please don't use our relationship as entertainment.
Loudmouth: Ill do as I please thank you very much
ImbibitorLunae: *Sigh*
Loudmouth: What the fuck was that?
Creamanal: YALL HEKPFOFZBYDD
Creamanal has left the chat
ImbibitorLunae: I was sighing
Loudmouth: But whyd you type it?
ImbibitorLunae: To express my displeasure.
TrashCanLover has joined the chat
Loudmouth: Weirdo
TrashCanLover: hey does anyone else smell something?
CoffeeLover1: Huh?
CasketCarrier: Now that you mention it, I kind of smell smoke.
Oldfuck: OH MY GOOD SNEM
CoffeeLover1: What happened?
Oldfuck: THERE'S A FIRE IN THE TRAIN CAR NEAR THE FRONT!
CoffeeLover1: WJAT!
CoffeeLover1: WRRE MAKING BA EMWRFENXY LENSUNG!
TrashCanLover: oh shit
(7) users have left the chat
Peppy4Eva: Arlan, they're landing at the station, lets go.
Probablysane: Okay
(2) users have left the chat
Chosen: Well that was something.
Birdsnest has joined the chat
Birdsnest: I think I'm love
Blondkid: Who do I have to get rid of?
Birdsnest: No it's Blade
Actuallysane: @Blondkid i’ll come and help
Birdsnest: He's just so silly //OwO//
👉 👈
Actuallysane: u sure u got the right Blade?
Birdsnest: //OwO// yes
Arrestedshit has joined the chat
Arrestedshit: Let's get married
Birdsnest: I do //>w<//
Arrestedshit: Alright wifey
MommyKaf: Oh my, I was not expecting this
Actuallysane: is it too late to quit life.
MommyKaf: Yep
Actuallysane: fuuuuuccccc
Actuallysane has removed herself from life
Robotlover: wait how'd she do that?
Arrestedshit: Easy
Arrestedshit: You take a knife
Arrestedshit: And stab yourself multiple times
Arrestedshit: attached image
Robotlover: oh my…
Medicoverdose: Why would you send that!?
Arrestedshit: Or you can slit your throat with it
Arrestedshit: attached image
Actuallysane: i hope you bleed out and die
Arrestedshit: L
Robotlover: i think i’m going to go lay down for a bit
Medicoverdose: Alright, I'll come over if I can
Robotlover: ok
Robotlover has left the chat
Medicoverdose: Why did Ms. Herta have to add you out of all people?
Arrestedshit: She's secretly a masochist and a sadist
Chosen: I do not believe that is an appropriate thing to say.
Arrestedshit: U were kidnapped as a child
Chosen: Okay, nevermind.
Birdsnest: Guys, I in hospital
FoxLady: I just saw you 5 minutes ago
Birdsnest: Lot happenes in 5
Arrestedshit: Oh shit u good bbg
Birdsnest: Um
Birdsnest: Aside from the internal bleeding, yah i gucci
Arrestedshit: Do not worry
Arrestedshit: I will split you open and lick the blood away like the rea sea
Birdsnest: Pwease do
Rock&Roll: 🤮
Arrestedshit: Ur just jealous
Rock&Roll: Wtf is wrong with you
H • E • R • T • A has joined the chat
H • E • R • T • A: It got good until the splitting people open.
Blondkid: Please kick this emo bitch ass mf out of here
H • E • R • T • A: The best I got is muting him and adding more people.
Blondkid: YOU MADE THE CHAT
Blondkid: K II CK HIM LLEEASE
H • E • R • T • A: Yeah, but this is for entertainment pleasure and to keep the audience satisfied.
Chosen: What audience?
H • E • R • T • A: Whoops
Actuallysane: Should've stayed gone
H • E • R • T • A: Now I need to leave and deal with them.
TheAuthor: So…
H • E • R • T • A: Goodness
TheAuthor: Let have that most friendliest, nonviolent, no blood included, safe chat together.
H • E • R • T • A has left the chat
Chosen: What audience?
TheAuthor: No need to worry about it too much ▪︎-▪︎
TheAuthor has made it so we don't take about audience
TheAuthor: Also Blade
TheAuthor: Please shut the fuck up
Arrestedshit: No ❤️
TheAuthor: *Sighs*
TheAuthor: Fine
TheAuthor is no longer available
(9) users have joined the chat
CoffeeLover1: Do I even want to scroll up?
Chosen: Best if you do not.
TrashCanLover: WHAT THE FICK
TrashCanLover2: LH AMY ZHODZ
Loudmouth: WHat is wrong with this Stellaron Hunter!?
Peppy4Eva: I feel sick after reading that
ImbibitorLunae: Ew
Chosen: Should've said it earlier
CoffeeLover1: It can't be that bad
Seen at 15:22
CoffeeLover1: Nvm
CasketCarrier: This can not be appropriate
CasketCarrier: That poor little girl
Arrestedshit: I know
Arrestedshit: So sad
CasketCarrier: Shut the fuck up you old hag
MommyKaf: Oh my
Arrestedshit: No u
FoxLady: Didn't you die?
Arrestedshit: Weren't you killed?
FoxLady: At least I was willingly brought back
FoxLady: You died and couldn't even catch a break
FoxLady: You couldn't catch a break so hard u became emo
FoxLady: And a depressed fuck
Arrestedshit: i
MommyKaf: Wow
MommyKaf: Bladie is left speechless
OfficialGangsta: Too hot to handle
Arrestedshit: I will shut my mouth now
FoxLady: Good
MommyKaf: 🤭
Arrestedshit: Please shut up Kafka
MommyKaf: Alright ^-^
TrashCanLover2: yall
TrashCanLover2: why is huggy wuggy kinda…
CoffeeLover1: No
CoffeeLover1: Let's not do this Stelle
Foureyes: THAT IS A FUCKING TOY
TrashCanLover: catnap tho…
Probablysane: THSOE ARE FURESIS
Actuallysane: NOT STO METNION CHILDEREN
TrashCanLover: okay
TrashCanLover: technically i am also children
TrashCanLover: i can take catnap
TrashCanLover: and i don't mean in a fight
ImbibitorLunae: Caelus
ImbibitorLunae is typing
TrashCanLover: Mother, I love you. I want you to know I am sorry for using your lipstick when you just brought it. I am sorry, Silverwolf. I was the one that accidentally deleted all your progress out of spite because I was moody. I am sorry, Blade. I compared our dick sizes while you were sleeping and almost poisoned your drink the next day. I am sorry, March. What you saw on your PomPom plushie was not white glaze. I am sorry, Welt. I once got off to your voice when I went deaf for some reason because I couldn't remember Dan Heng's voice. I am sorry, Luocha. I used your pendant for unholy purposes when I borrowed it. I am sorry, Himeko. When you said your coffee tasted weird, you didn't use creamer that day. I am sorry, Herta. I did unholy things to Nanook while I was in the Simulated Universe. I am sorry, Bronya. I wanked it off to your dead mother once. I am sorry, Seele. I snuck into your room and wore your clothes and sent a picture to Bronya using your phone. I am sorry, Arlan. I imagined myself doing the most unholy shit to your submissive and breedable ass.
ImbibitorLunae: Please be quiet
TrashCanLover: oh you were just gonna say that?
TrashCanLover has deleted a message
Loudmouth: Hey I wasnt done reading that
Loudmouth: Youre a pussy Cae!
Rock&Roll: attached image
TrashCanLover: serval!
TrashCanLover: i trusted u!
Rock&Roll: idc L + Ratio + men R losers
OfficialGangsta: You did what
Chosen: My mother
Loudmouth: That was not glaze?
TrashCanLover: no
Loudmouth: Then what did I put in my mouth?
TrashCanLover: my dead babies
Loudmouth: …
Loudmouth: Im going to go throw up rq and then rethink my life…
CoffeeLover1: Do not tell me I didn't use creamer
Loudmouth has left the chat
TrashCanLover: i’m sorry
CoffeeLover1 has left the chat
Arrestedshit: Good to know I have a bigger dick
ImbibitorLunae: That isn't a good thing
ImbibitorLunae: Nowhere near good
Arrestedshit: Huh?
TrashCanLover: u aren't erotic enough
TrashCanLover: couldn't get my shit up
Arrestedshit: Shit
Arrestedshit: How big
TrashCanLover: 1.2313 inches
Arrestedshit: …
TrashCanLover: i’m so sorry
Arrestedshit no longer wants to live
CasketCarrier: I didn't lend you my pendant though?
TrashCanLover: i stole it while you were sleep
CasketCarrier: Welt, did you not see him?
Oldfuck: I was unaware he even snuck in.
TrashCanLover: i asked pompom to put some medicine in your food that night
Oldfuck: Where did you even get sleeping pills?
TrashCanLover: i stole them from natasha
Medicoverdose: Really?
TrashCanLover: sorry
Casket: I can not expect much if it is you, I guess.
TrashCanLover: 😔
Loudmouth: Wait Mr. Yang and Luocha sleep together?
Oldfuck: Um, it's not like that, March.
Probablysane: You think I'm submissive and breedable?
Oldfuck: We just sleep in the same bed on opposite sides.
TrashCanLover: yah, you givin twink vibes
Oldfuck: Far away from each other.
Probablysane: @Peppy4Eva See I told you
Probablysane: I do have twink vibes
Peppy4Eva: Congrats, you want a cookie?
Probablysane: Yes actually
Peppy4Eva: 😒
Creamanal: How the fuck are people appearing in the chat without notice?
Medicoverdose: You're still alive?
Creamanal: Why wouldn't I be?
Medicoverdose: I just thought the angry mob got you
Creamanal: Ms. Natasha, you wound me if you think I'd allow a crowd to chase me through all of Belobog.
Rock&Roll: Maybe not a crowd
Rock&Roll: But little Geppie is closer than you think.
Creamanal: What 😅
Creamanal: I've dodged him before I can do it againjxu7erndoSHITshshdvdidt
Creamanal has left the chat
TrashCanLover2: wait wasn't that bitch just at peconony?
TrashCanLover: blud secretly the flash
TrashCanLover2: wait @Oldfuck didn't i catch you and luocha cuddling in bed naked one night?
Oldfuck: Excuse me?
Loudmouth: Oop-
TrashCanLover2: no i remember walking into your room and you two were naked with no blanket cuddling.
TrashCanLover: huh 😱
Oldfuck: Stelle, I assure you, that did not happen.
TrashCanLover2: i think luocha was making noise and yall were moving quite a lot
Birdsnest: Dangggg
CasketCarrier: I do not recall such event happening.
TrashCanLover2: oh shit wait
TrashCanLover2: mb bros
TrashCanLover2: i was thinking of a fanfic i wrote
Oldfuck: A fanfiction?
Loudmouth: Wait, Luocha lives on the Express?
TrashCanLover2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69696969/chapters/123456789/
TrashCanLover2: For all the hoes
Foureyes: 🤭
Foureyes has left the chat
CasketCarrier: Only temporarily. I am traveling got a bit before stopping at my destination.
TrashCanLover: Wait a minute.
TrashCanLover: Ain't this n-word evil?l
Loudmouth: What?
TrashCanLover: Ain't that n-word evil?
Probablysane: …
Loudmouth: The n-word?
Probablysane: Wait this word
Probablysane: N****?
TrashCanLover: Yeah, that word!
Loudmouth: CAELUS!
ImbibitorLunae: Why are trying to say that word?
TrashCanLover: Oh shit
TrashCanLover: This is not the right account.
ImbibitorLunae: Caelus?
TrashCanLover: No, this is the author
Loudmouth: U sure?
TrashCanLover: How did none of you see the signs?
Loudmouth: What signs?
TrashCanLover: Caelus doesn't use capitals you fucking dumbasses
Seen at 19:12
Loudmouth: You're such a horrible boyfriend Dan Heng.
ImbibitorLunae: Excuse me?
Loudmouth: How could you not see that was Caelus?
ImbibitorLunae: Well sorry for thinking my boyfriend grew a brain and finally learned how to act like a damn normal person.
TrashCanLover: hengie?
ImbibitorLunae: Shut the fuck up.
TrashCanLover: ok
Foureyes has joined the chat
Foureyes: @TrashCanLover2 that is your account right?
TrashCanLover2: yah
Foureyes: Why do you have so many fanfics of other ppl?
TrashCanLover2: Um…
Foureyes: Bronya x Seele smut
Chosen: Excuse me?
Foureyes: A very detail Blade x Jing Yuan noncon smut
Foureyes: Personally my favorite
Arrestedshit: Ur sick
Foureyes: And gay
Foureyes: A hurt/comfort Sampo x Gepard smut
Theforce has joined the chat
Theforce: Why?
Creamanal: Is there a better smut of us?
Foureyes: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62636465/chapters/103050709/
Creamanal: Thankies!
Creamanal has went off on a journey of healing
Foureyes: Oh also there was these weird ones
TrashCanLover2: Spill
Foureyes: Caelus x Dan Heng smuts
ImbibitorLunae: That doesn't sound so bad
Foureyes: I mean, your name was spelt different
Foureyes: There was an F instead of an H
ImbibitorLunae: …
ImbibitorLunae: What?
Foureyes: Caelus x Dan Feng(?)
Foureyes: idk
ImbibitorLunae: Stelle
TrashCanLover2 is currently running for her life
Foureyes: It took majority of thecpage
Foureyes: 5000 out of 6384 works
Foureyes: Can you believe that
Arrestedshit: Who's gonna tell her?
Foureyes: Tell me what
Chosen: Pela, no offense, but aren't you supposed to be smart?
Creamanal: #onlyinbelobog
Foureyes: Is that not his other name?
ImbibitorLunae: Not exactly
Foureyes: stop edging me yall 😖
Oldfuck: One, please do not say that ever again
Oldfuck: Two, do you not know who Dan Feng is?
Foureyes: He an author of ao3 or wattpad?
Oldfuck: No.
Foureyes: An idol?
Oldfuck: No.
Foureyes: Then nah
Foureyes: Wait
Foureyes: Is he Jesus?
Oldfuck: Who?
Foureyes: Nvm
OfficialGangsta: How did u get into such a high position like that
Foureyes: Ez
Foureyes: Skill
Foureyes: And the bribery of drugs
Theforce: What?
Foureyes: Oooop-
Foureyes has deleted a message
Foureyes: Look at the time
Foureyes: I'm late to a fishing competition
Rock&Roll: There no longer fish in Belobog
Foureyes needs to escape from the law
Theforce: 😑
TrashCanLover: lets have a get together
Oldfuck: What?
TrashCanLover: we all meet up and hang out
Blondkid: We all live on different planets
TrashCanLover: we could meet on the express
TrashCanLover: u all are guests aboard the express
TrashCanLover: except for kafka and blade
MommyKaf: Well don't worry, we'll be there anyways.
Loudmouth: OVER OUR DEAD BODIES!
Arrestedshit: Watch it, Pinkie Pie.
Loudmouth: Wait-
TrashCanLover2: pinkie pie- 💀
Arrestedshit: Just because I can't kill those stupid ugly ass Stellarons and that wannabe Dan Feng don't mean that it doesn't stretch to you
TrashCanLover: im hotter
Birdsnest: cap
TrashCanLover: bro what 💀
Birdsnest: Blade's hotter
Birdsnest: Even when he had wrinkles he was low key hotter than youd even be 💀
TrashCanLover2: even an old man could look better than u caelus
TrashCanLover: fuck u