Work Text:
[Peter Strahm: I swear to god if you keep breaking the rig bones I will start breaking your real bones]
Oh you, Mark thought. I remember you.
Peter Strahm. He finally met the guy in real life a few weeks ago at a Beer o’Clock. Usually, Mark just hung around the Animation kitchen, but that day he found himself downstairs where the various effects and simulation departments resided.
He was paying a quick visit to the FX lead to discuss ground planes when he overheard someone mention ‘Anim’ along the way. Slowing his step a bit, he took a moment to eavesdrop on two gossiping Character Effects artists.
“This animator, I swear to god. Every other cache we get from this fucking dude is broken. When I see his username next to a publish, I already know my artist is going to either struggle or have to send it back. I’ve started assigning myself his shots just to spare them the stress.”
Well, that piqued his interest. Steering away from his intended destination, Mark stopped by the chatty employees.
“Well! I happen to be an Anim Lead,” Mark began to introduce himself with a polite smile, startling the two people standing by one desk. They shifted uncomfortably, sipping their beers. “Got a name? Maybe I can whip him into shape.”
After the two passed a look between them, the main complainer stood up straight. “Yeah. ‘Mark Hoffman.’ He one of yours?”
Mark blinked and felt something sinister grow inside of him. “Better yet- he’s right here. And who might you be?”
The guy rolled his jaw in thought before putting his beer down. “Peter Strahm. CFX Lead. So, you’re the guy who keeps me late sometimes?”
Oh, you’ve seen nothing yet.
“In the flesh,” Mark said with an extended hand, to which Peter shook amicably.
Peter regarded him for a moment. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were a Lead,” he said before his tone gradually transformed into something more confrontational. “I thought Leads knew how to animate a little more cleanly.”
“I’m gonna grab another beer,” said Peter’s friend, slinking away and leaving the two of them alone.
Mark clicked his tongue. “No, I’m sorry,” he apologized with a fake sweetness. “Wanna tell me what’s so wrong with my publishes?”
“You know what happens off-camera still matters, right?”
Mark rolled his eyes. “It’s all about having the best possible poses. If something is offscreen, who cares?”
“Any penetration, on-cam or not, can break the sim.”
“You guys seem to make it work just fine anyway,” Mark dismissed, unconcerned.
Peter sucked in an annoyed breath. “Yeah, only because I spend hours fixing your issues! Issues that you could probably fix in ten seconds-”
“So, request it, then.”
“We do!” Peter almost snapped. “Once it’s barely workable, I just deal with it. The hours spent un-fucking your cache is faster than waiting for the next one sometimes.”
“Then what is the problem?”
Peter blinked at him, gawking. “Jeez, I don’t know. Maybe I actually want to go home at 6:00 sometimes? And keep all my hair?”
Mark hummed, eyes darting to the man’s hairline. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”
And with that, Mark decided that the next time Peter sent back one of his shots, he’d make his life a living hell.
Why?
He liked Peter’s energy. His frustration was not only amusing, but also kind of endearing. He wanted to rile him up even more, just to see what would happen.
The next time his name popped up in his notifications, nice and early one morning a few weeks later, Mark licked his lips in excited anticipation. I want to play a game, Peter.
[Mark Hoffman: sure u have the latest cache?]
[Peter Strahm: Unless theres a newer one than from forty minutes ago, yes.]
Mark cracked open Shotgun to take a look at the QC render. Sure enough, he could see the shoulder pinching that must have been causing issues with the muscle simulation. He bent the creature’s arm back a little more than Rigging intended, but it made for the most appealing pose, so he couldn’t help himself.
It would take some time to tech-fix and visibly retain the Director-approved animation. The shot was already well past its bid days; billing any more hours to it would not make Production happy.
But- the show must go on! Poor, poor Peter needs a fixed cache to make his own deadline, so by God, Mark will get one to him... eventually.
[Mark Hoffman: i see the issue. give me a few hours to fix and repub]
[Peter Strahm: just tell me when its ready]
He did. It took three hours, but he did eventually tell him when it was ready. Before the QC render was done cooking on the render farm, Peter’s typing bubbles popped up in their chat window.
[Peter Strahm: I already know this one is broken too]
[Mark Hoffman: whats wrong w it]
[Peter Strahm: You forgot the preroll and postroll]
Ah, so he did.
Well, he forgot it on purpose, but still.
[Mark Hoffman: damn looks like ill have to republish. Sorry about that]
[Peter Strahm: asap please. In T-pose, if you need a reminder.]
Another hour passed. Mark let the next version cache over lunch, which he leisurely enjoyed, When he returned, not one second too early, the animation was ready to publish.
[Mark Hoffman: back from lunch. i see the anim is done on the farm]
[Peter Strahm: Send it down the pipe, please. Before I hit you with one]
Pushy. As requested, Mark passed his shot along to the man whose impatience seeped through each word he sent.
He waited.
The typing bubbles returned.
[Peter Strahm: Do you even look at the QCs you make?]
Ah, he must have already found the treat he left for him.
[Mark Hoffman: what happened this time]
[Peter Strahm: its just not matching your approved anim. Please repub]
Indeed, the published animation was all wrong. That was, of course, because he “forgot” to merge his anim layers, so things got bungled up by the pipeline.
[Mark Hoffman: Damn. Maya crashed. Itll take a minute to reopen but ill fix it right away. :) ]
[Peter Strahm: sure]
Maya didn’t actually crash, but Mark did close the scene earlier to free up some processing power. He had other targets this week, as well as usual notes to give to his team. He just simply tended to his other tasks in the massive downtime it took for Peter’s shot to recache.
Luckily, his schedule wasn’t so full that he couldn’t have his fun.
For the next few hours, Mark continued to send Peter updated cache after updated cache, each with a new issue. Un-baked constraints, keys on un-keyable attributes, breaking the IK/FK switch, offsetting the animation to the wrong frame range, the list got longer as the day went on. Mark hoped Peter ordered his overtime meal by now, he was going to need it.
At Rounds, the show coordinator stepped up to his desk to pry for shot updates. Jill was as sweet and patient as they get, trying her best to keep the team organized, but the displeasure on her face was plain as day as she approached with her little laptop. With Mark, there was always something.
“Hey, Lighting really wants to kick off an overnight render, preferably before they go home for the day. Are you planning on approving one of these publishes? They don’t know which cache to pick up.”
“Tell them to take v29 as a WIP and don’t take the next publish, I’m gonna be fixing issues for a while.”
Jill sighed. “If you’re having so many problems, can you please talk to the Anim TD?”
Mark waved his hand around noncommittally. “I know exactly what the problems are.”
“Just... try to get it done before tomorrow, okay? CFX is waiting too,” Jill reminded as she jotted down some notes in her Shotgun spreadsheet.
“Don’t worry, I’ve been talking with the Lead. He knows what’s up.”
“Sure he does,” Jill said, drained, before moving on to check up on the next animator.
Mark did feel a little bad about the other departments also waiting on his work, but it was okay- as far as he was aware, they could all begin working with previous publishes. All of them... except for CFX. They needed to run the muscle and fur simulation on the final animation as soon as possible, but Mark had no issue letting Peter wait until this was no longer amusing.
The ambient sounds of the studio petered out in the coming hours as artists went home for the night, leaving only a small crew who stayed to do some OT.
[Peter Strahm: You want Comp to have enough time to do a good job, right?]
[Mark Hoffman: calm down the next version is coming soon]
[Peter Strahm: How soon is soon? They want this tomorrow & youre killing me]
[Mark Hoffman: could probably go home if u want. the world wont end if u push for 1 day. theres no temp delivery right now or anything]
[Peter Strahm: I have enough on my plate this week as is. Just tell me when the next publish is ready. I dont care anymore. Whatever it is, I will make it work.]
I’d like to see you try, Mark thought deviously as he monitored the current cache’s progress on the farm. It would be ready soon, indeed.
This one was going to be special. On the surface, the shot looked perfect- the animation was appealing from the camera, the feet were contacting the ground correctly, everything was baked down, the preroll and postroll were clean, and nothing was keyed that shouldn’t be...
Mark peeked at the QC render. There was nothing noticeably wrong with it.
However, there was a reason why he told Lighting to pick up an earlier version. They would absolutely be affected by what was coming next, and they didn’t deserve that.
Peter, however.
[Mark Hoffman: its ready]
[Peter Strahm: whatever you did to it this time, I will do to you 10x worse]
Mark could just imagine him now, importing his latest and greatest to whatever program the CFX artists use, tumbling around the geo to make sure there were no inner penetrations or other issues. Was he scowling at his screen with those grumpy eyebrows of his? Digging around, just hunting for the next surprise Mark left for him?
Well! The guy said he was going to work with whatever Mark gave him tonight, regardless. Time to go home and rest up- his work here was done. Before Peter could sniff out what happened this time, Mark wished him a good night and made his escape.
The next morning, Mark strolled in to the office with a renewed energy. He took his time fixing himself a cup of coffee in the Animation kitchen and said hello to his team before sitting down to check his emails and messages.
Waiting for him, sent at 12:14 in the morning, was a message from his favorite CFX lead.
[Peter Strahm: I’m gonna kick your ass]
Succinct. Mark admired that.
Oh, how he wished he could be a fly on the wall when Peter finally figured it out. He could just imagine the look on his face when he tried running his simulations, only to realize something terribly, terribly messy was looming underneath the surface.
If the studio’s QC render system included working motion blur, his plans would have been foiled in an instant. Lurking deep in the subframes, Mark carefully twisted each limb of the asset into a pretzel. The arms clipped through the torso, the legs tangled with each other- it was a catastrophic mess of a cache, just completely unusable.
Deciding he had to see Peter’s reaction for himself, Mark took a quick detour downstairs into CFX territory to say hello face-to-face.
“Hey! Glad to see you in today,” Mark said, rounding the corner to find the lead sitting at his desk, eye bags looking especially dark this morning. “So, I just noticed the latest cache has some gimbal lock issues. I hope it didn’t cause you too much trouble last night. I’ll be sure to repub-”
Mark couldn’t finish his sentence before Peter got up from his chair and drop-kicked him across a row of desks, keyboards and monitors sent flying.