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There were a lot of things that Stinger was prepared for. It was a bad habit of his to overthink everything at times. However, the scene he was currently in was not something he had planned on what to do.
"I love you. Uh... would you... want to go out with me?"
It had been such a sudden confession. Stinger had no idea how to handle it. He just stared at Spada for a long time. Spada seemed nervous about his lack of answer. Stinger wanted to give him an answer but he had no idea how. There was so much he had expected to happen before anything like this happened.
His main issue was that he hadn't disclosed that he was trans to anyone yet. He had been planning to, but every time he wanted to, something happened and it was no longer a good time. He knew he didn't need to tell anyone, but he wanted to. Wanted to stop keeping this a secret from everyone.
He didn't know what to do. Should he tell Spada right here and now? He hadn't prepared for telling someone so suddenly. His rehearsed speech he had planned to give everyone didn't exactly fit this scenario. Would it still be good enough?
He didn't need to tell Spada right now. He could wait and say it when he felt more ready. But, what if that information changed everything? He didn't want to think like that, but he'd rather not deal with more heartbreak if things went south after he came out.
"Stinger?" Spada sounded concerned.
Stinger fumbled for a response. "I... I need time. Sorry."
He retreated to his room quickly. Spada called after him, but Stinger didn't stop. He couldn't do this right now. It was all too sudden. He needed more time.
He buried himself in his bed and tried to calm down. His heart was pounding. His anxiety was getting high as well. He knew he needed to face this sooner than later but the thought of doing all of this right now was scaring him. Why did this have to happen?
"Stinger?" There was a knock on his door. "Are you okay?"
Spada hadn't left him alone. He had come to talk still. Stinger didn't want to talk right now. This was all just too much.
"Did I do something wrong?" Spada asked.
Of course he was going to blame himself. None of this was his fault. Stinger just didn't know how to get that point across without saying everything. This was getting worse by the minute.
"It's not your fault... it's me." Stinger replied. "Just, leave me alone."
"But... something's wrong." Spada said.
Stinger sighed. "It's nothing you can help with. Just give me space."
"If you don't like me, you can just say so."
Stinger sighed again. That wasn't the issue. He shouldn't be surprised that was what Spada thought the problem was though. What else was there to think when he suddenly was avoiding him after a confession.
"I do like you. I just... it's complicated."
"Can I come in?"
Spada wasn't giving up. Stinger just wanted to be left alone. He needed alone time to ponder what exactly he did. But, Spada seemed to want to fix this situation right here and now.
"I need time. Later." Stinger insisted. "Just let me get my thoughts in order. Please."
"Fine. I'll be back in a few hours." Spada relented.
Stinger waited until he was certain that Spada was gone and then shoved his face into a pillow and let out a frustrated scream. Why did this have to be so complicated? It really shouldn't be.
He didn't have much time to think about what he was going to do. He had made the promise that they would talk later. He had to come up with what he was going to do. Did he go ahead and admit why he had panicked or did he try to lie about it? Would he be able to lie effectively or would Spada see through it?
Stinger was very stressed over everything. He just wanted to get this over with but wasn't sure if he could. He had been meaning to tell everyone but it was still a daunting thought. He wasn't sure how anything was going to be taken.
He really wished he could just disappear right about now and not have to deal with this.
...
As expected, Spada returned a while later. Stinger forced himself up from his bed and let him in. He would rather keep hiding, but knew that was just going to make things worse. He didn't want Spada to keep thinking the wrong things about this whole situation.
The two sat on the bed. They sat in silence for a while.
"You okay?" Spada asked.
Stinger nodded. "I'm fine. I promise."
"Then what was earlier?"
Stinger didn't respond right away. He had tried to prepare himself for this inevitable question, but it didn't make the words want to come out any more.
"I just... there's something I wanted to disclose before anything like this happened..." Stinger mumbled.
"Hm?" Spada seemed confused. "Something to disclose?"
Stinger took in a deep breath. "I... I'm trans. I... yeah."
That was not what he had rehearsed to say at all but that was all he could get out. His words weren't wanting to come out. His voice didn't want to work right now.
"Oh." Spada didn't react much to the news.
"Does that... change anything?" Stinger asked quietly, avoiding looking anywhere near him.
"No. Why would it?"
"I don't know. Some people are just like that. I didn't know what to expect."
"Well, I can assure you, I could care less if that's the case. You're you and that's all that I care about." Spada stated. "So, do you want to... go out with me?"
Stinger hesitantly nodded. He had convinced himself the worst-case scenario was going to happen. He hadn't been expecting such a casual response to what he said. It was nice, but very unexpected. Now he felt silly for worrying so much over all of it.
"So... are you planning to tell everyone else?" Spada asked.
"I've been... trying to. It just never worked out." Stinger mumbled.
"Do you want me to try and help you?" Spada offered.
"How?" Stinger questioned.
Spada paused. "Uh... not sure. But I'll think of something, I promise."
"If you say so."