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The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a level highway.
Proverbs 15:19
“This shouldn’t be legal,” Dream muttered. “This shouldn’t be legal—“
“Shut up, you’re going to get us caught,” Techno hissed, shooting his companion a pointed look.
Dream regretted each and every life decision that had led up to this moment. It was getting dark out. The sun was just disappearing over the horizon, the sky shifting to that navy color that isn’t quite black yet but just enough to be studded with stars. The only light source was two bright squares of yellow from the living room of the dilapidated house a few yards away.
Dream spared a moment to mentally groan at his current position, kneeling in the dirt behind the run-down fence along the edge of the property.
“Remind me why we’re here again?” he asked as quietly as he could.
Beside him, Technoblade grinned wickedly, his white teeth still easily visible in the fading light. “It’s my job,” the man said smugly. He was still wearing his stupid suit from work, with the name tag and everything. Of course he was, the maniac.
Dream groaned out loud this time. “Remind me why I’m here again?”
“Because we’re best friends.”
“So I’m helping you steal a car?”
Techno snorted derisively. “No,” he said as if correcting a small, confused child, “you’re helping me repossess a car.”
“What’s the difference?”
“One of them’s legal.”
Someone walked past the window of the house, a fleeting shadow causing their light source to flicker briefly. Both of them fell silent for a moment.
Nothing happened.
Dream turned back to his so-called friend. “Why am I helping you again?”
Techno offered him a wicked grin. “Because you tried to tell me a career in banking was boring. Come on.”
“Wait,” Dream hissed back. “How’re we going to drive it? Don’t we need a key?” A terrible thought occurred to him, and he turned to Techno with a pleading look. “We’re not breaking into his house—“
Techno looked offended. “What you take me for? A common criminal?” He drew his hand from his pocket, where a key dangled from his fingers.
Dream gaped. “How—?”
“I went to the car dealer and asked for a copy,” Techno deadpanned. “They keep the keys on file.”
“And they just gave it to you?”
“They know who I am,” said Techno, rolling his eyes. “If we don’t get our money, they don’t either.”
“This shouldn’t be legal,” Dream muttered.
“Well it is,” said Techno.
“That doesn’t make me feel better!”
“Too bad. Come on.” He seized Dream’s wrist and dragged him toward the car.
They ducked behind the passenger side, hidden from view of the window.
“Now this is the tricky part,” Techno whispered. “He’ll probably hear me unlockin’ the door, so we’ll have to move fast. I’m goin’ around to the driver’s side, and I’ll unlock your door from the inside. As soon as you can, get in and duck. I’m pretty sure he has a gun.”
“He what—?”
But Techno was already moving. Dream silently cursed his so-called friend and gripped the car door handle.
Techno moved fast for a guy in a suit with a business degree. So could Dream, it turned out; adrenaline could do wild things to a guy. In seconds, Dream was scrambling into the passenger seat.
“Seatbelt,” Techno hissed, starting the engine and flicking on the headlights. Dream hurriedly complied while noting nervously that Techno had not done the same. He was busy squinting ahead of them, likely trying to figure out where the gravel “driveway” met the road. No sense speeding into the lake on the other side. Dream doubted the car’s former owner would help fish them out.
Speaking of their victim, the door to the house slammed open, and a gravelly voice slurred, “Hey!” followed by a series of expletives and the indisputable sound of some sort of gun being cocked.
“Great, he’s drunk,” Techno deadpanned, casually adjusting his mirrors like he had all the time in the world.
“Is that good or bad?” Dream squeaked.
“Depends on whether he’s actually tryin’ to shoot us.” Techno gunned the engine, and Dream was slammed back against his seat as they took off at seventy miles an hour.
Gunshots sounded behind them, and Dream shrieked. Techno laughed like the madman he was, pulling a hard right turn onto asphalt and narrowly avoiding skidding into the lake.
More gunshots. Dream saw them hit the water, and they were off again, speeding down the little country road back to town. There was a bit more shouting behind them, but apparently, they were out of range.
“So long, nerd!” Techno shouted, and then laughed maniacally for the next mile.
Dream stared blankly at the road ahead. It was really just a circle of yellow light and beyond, that heavy darkness you could only get in rural areas, away from city lights.
The adrenaline was fading, and he wondered distantly if he was going into shock. He was glad they’d had a friend drop them off a mile or two out because it meant they didn’t have to stop somewhere and collect a second car. If Dream had to drive the next three hours back home by himself, he didn’t know what he’d do. He certainly wasn’t going on a car ride with Technoblade ever again. The guy was actually insane.
Well, Dream had kind of always known that, but this was a whole new level.
“Dream?” Techno snickered. “You good, man?”
Slowly, Dream turned to look at him. He was still grinning, eyes manic. That was the face of a man who knew exactly what he’d done and wasn’t remotely sorry about it.
“That guy doesn’t have a car now,” Dream said, perhaps a little stupidly.
“L for him,” said Techno. “Shoulda paid his debts instead of blowin’ all his cash on alcohol. We gave him, like, three warnings, and he ran us off with a shotgun.”
‘Us,’ as in he’d been a part of that incident, too. And he’d still come back.
Techno still wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, Dream realized, and he felt like that said a lot.
“Why are we friends again?”
Techno laughed again, that crazed sound Dream had always been familiar with but was now seeing in a totally new light.
“Because your life would be so boring without me,” he said. Unfortunately, he was right. Dream didn’t know how he’d stay sane if Techno didn’t keep things interesting. Even if it led to things like this. (Or maybe because it led to events like this? Nope. He wasn’t admitting that one, not even to himself.)
They were silent for another mile or two.
“So,” Techno drawled, “want to do it again?”
“No!” Dream shrieked at him.
Silence.
And then, shamefully, “Yeah . . .”
Techno laughed like he’d won. Dream supposed he kind of had.