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gonna love you
—because Jeongin would love his Seungmin to the end of times, and even after that. and he would do anything to keep him safe—
One thing Jeongin knew from day one was that Kim Seungmin was going to be the end of him.
And at first, he only meant it as Seungmin being really annoying. But at some point it changed, and it became different.
Jeongin began seeing Seungmin differently to the point where the sight of him made Jeongin nervous.
It took some time, but Jeongin soon realized that he grew to care for Seungmin, to cherish him, to love him.
And it grew so much, to the point where Jeongin became protective of Seungmin.
And the time came where Jeongin realized how hard and hurtful the world was, and it was his job to protect his puppy.
Because Yang Jeongin would do anything to keep his puppy safe and sound; even from the outside world. Even if it meant he needed to fight anyone to do it, even if it meant he needed to end his career; Jeongin would (and will) keep his Kim Seungmin safe.
—Part One—
—Your Beautiful Smile—
“Good morning.” Jeongin walked in the room.
“Good morning.” Chan was in the kitchen making breakfast.
“Have you seen Seungmin?”
Bang Chan turned around slowly and looked at Jeongin with one eyebrow raised.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Chan turned back around and flipped the pancake that was in the pan. “But I haven’t.”
“He wasn’t in bed this morning.”
Chan stopped all movement and Jeongin realized his mistake.
“On his bed I mean,” He tried fixing his mistake. “I didn’t see him on his bed this morning.”
“Aha…” Bang Chan flipped the pancake again before taking it out and turning off the stove.
Jeongin’s ears were red.
“Do you want some pancakes?” Jeongin nodded. “The others should be here at any minute.”
And as if he summoned them, the rest of the team walked in.
“Morning, baby.” Changbin walked to Chan and gave him a tight hug and a kiss on the lips.
“It’s too early for this.” Hyunjin said as he walked in holding hands with Felix.
“Says the one holding hands with Felix.”
“Shh.” Hyunjin said to Changbin, and the couple laughed.
The team took their seats.
“Good morning, Minnie.” Jeongin said, with a smile. Seungmin sat across from him.
“Morning.” The boy said, with a neutral face.
Jeongin tilted his head sideways, confused. Seungmin usually smiled at him when they greeted each other.
“Morning guys, today we have pancakes.” Chan brought over the pancakes and set them in the center. “Enjoy.”
“Thank you!” They all said and began eating.
Half way into their breakfast, Changbin began talking about his vacation and how his sister and Bang Chan wouldn’t stop arguing for silly things.
“And one time, my sister got angry because she thought Chan didn’t want her helping because she was a woman.”
“Which is a lie, I think all women are as resourceful as any other man.”
“And she argued with him nonstop for the rest of the night.” Everyone started laughing and Chan’s ears turned red.
Jeongin looked at Seungmin; because if there was one thing he loved most about Seungmin it was his smile, and saw him looking at Chan, his eyes showed that he was obviously laughing and yet for some reason his hand covered his mouth.
He reached over the table and took Seungmin’s wrist.
Seungmin looked back at him, eyes shifting from laughing to serious and pulled against Jeongin’s hold.
Jeongin let go, confused at the action but backed down.
“Is everything okay?” Hyunjin asked, making everyone look at them.
Jeongin looked at Seungmin who avoided eye contact by starting a conversation with Felix. His hand never left the spot over his mouth, covering his smile.
“Yeah, everything's fine.”
—
Jeongin began paying attention to Seungmin more after that.
There were so many occasions where Seungmin covered his smile, and they were mostly when they were together having a meal. Therefore, Jeongin thought it was because they were eating.
But he was wrong.
They were doing a live when Jeongin realized that whatever Seungmin had going on wasn’t just because he wanted to cover his mouth while talking and eating (which is a normal thing to do).
Seungmin had the phone that showed the comments. Jeongin kept a close eye on him at any movement he would make.
Felix, who sat next to Seungmin (Jeongin sat across from him on the other side of the L-shape sofa), placed his hands on Seungmin’s torso and tickled him.
Seungmin laughed, finally laughed and showed his beautiful smile and Jeongin was thankful for Felix’s touchy personality right now. He will make sure to buy him anything he wanted next time they went out.
However, when Seungmin looked back down at the comments, his smile disappeared. Felix tickled him again, thinking Seungmin just didn’t feel him tickling him, and Seungmin did laugh. But, he covered his mouth with his hand this time.
Jeongin noticed the difference in the pattern, because Seungmin looked back down at the phone and his smile disappeared. Even when Felix kept pinching him in the ribs.
Hyunjin and Jisung spoke in the background, something about their fan meeting that was coming up.
Jeongin saw Seungmin lay back on the couch, the phone in front of him as he scrolled through the comments.
“Changbin hyung.”
Changbin looked back at Jeongin from where he sat next to Bang Chan.
“Yeah?”
“Can I see the comments on your phone?” Changbin nodded and handed the phone to I.N. and went back to his old position; one hand behind Chris and the other which, used to hold the phone, over his thigh.
Jeongin scrolled up the comments to when Seungmin had laughed twice.
It didn’t take him long to find them, it hadn’t been that long ago, so when he did; he read.
And oh, did he read.
Seungmin, don’t smile. Is ugly.
Seungmin-ssi's smile is the ugliest I have ever seen.
His cheeks look so chubby when he smiles, he needs to stop.
He doesn’t even have dimples, what is the point in him smiling?
It’s not cute Seungmin, stop.
He needs to have surgery to fix his teeth, didn’t he have braces? Looks like they did nothing for his smile.
Seungmin it’s no puppy, he can’t even smile and look pretty.
Seungmin, maybe you should just stop smiling.
Jeongin gripped the phone so tight, the phone went haywire by so many buttons being pressed at once.
Changbin noticed and tapped Chan on the leg so he could see it too.
“Well…” Chan cut off whatever Han was going to say. “I think this is it, for now. Thank you STAY for joining us today.”
Everyone looked back at him confused, the live was supposed to be 60 minutes, it had only been 20 minutes.
Even the staff looked at Chan confused, as far as they knew, they didn’t say anything.
“Minho, can you turn off the live?”
“Yeah.” Minho stood, and after waving at the camera, he turned it off. “There-“ Before he could say anything, Jeongin stood, clearly angry and walked up to Seungmin.
“Innie?”
Jeongin didn’t say anything and grabbed him by the wrist. He pulled him by it and forced him to stand.
“Innie, what’s wrong?” Seungmin said, standing up.
“Let’s go.” He said, serious.
And the entire team went still; they’ve never heard Jeongin talk like that. Not since he got mad at Minho for the eggs thing.
“But-“
“I said, let’s go.” Jeongin pulled him, walking towards the exit and closed the door behind them once they were outside.
The room stayed quiet, the staff not even wanting to move a muscle.
“Do you guys know what all of that was about?”
“No, not a clue.”
Changbin who had his phone back in his hands, the comments still open, read where Jeongin had left off.
“This is not good.”
—
Jeongin dragged Seungmin towards the closest bathroom he could find. They went inside and Jeongin locked the door behind them.
“What are we doing in the bathroom, Innie? The team is going to worry.” Seungmin tried to make Jeongin let him go but it didn’t work. “And why are you reacting this way? What’s wrong?”
Jeongin still didn’t say a word and instead placed Seungmin in front of the mirror.
“Okay… now you're just being weird.”
Jeongin placed his hands on Seungmin’s waist and the boy’s cheeks turned pink. (Something Jeongin seemed to pass on since he was concentrating on where his hands rested).
“Jeongin….”
“Seungmin.”
The way his name rolled out of Jeongin’s mouth, made his knees weak.
“What do you see?” Jeongin asked and Seungmin looked towards the mirror.
Seungmin could see how tall Jeongin had become, coming almost to his shoulder now. His eyes looked at Seungmin through the mirror.
“Me.” Seungmin answered. “And you.” Jeongin groaned, making Seungmin jump on his spot. The hands in his waist went up to his torso and brushed lightly against his sides.
Seungmin felt the tickles and tried holding in his laugh. I.N. noticed and pinch harder on his torso, making Seungmin laugh.
Jeongin raised one of his hands to Seungmin’s neck, extending his fingers towards his chin. He turned Seungmin’s head towards the mirror and held him so he could see himself. Then he pinch his torso again, making Seungmin laugh.
“You see that, right there?”
Seungmin’s heart began beating fast.
“That right there is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” Jeongin changed his hand position and held, with care, Seungmin’s chin in his hands. “The sound that comes out of that mouth is one of the most precious melodies that I wouldn't care to listen to, forever.”
Seungmin felt his eyes watered; whether it was because someone had caught him or because of the words Jeongin was telling him, he wasn’t sure.
“You have the most beautiful, and gorgeous, smile Seungmin.” I.N. turned his hyung around. “No one should keep you from showing it.”
Seungmin felt tears bubbling up in his eyes and was quick to clean them.
“I don’t know what you're talking about.” He pushed Jeongin away so he could leave but the youngest grabbed him by the arm before he reached the door.
“Stop it, Seungmin.” Jeongin said. “Don’t listen to what any of them has to say.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Yes, yes it does.” Jeongin turned Seungmin around. “Seungmin, what does it matter what others say? It’s just them being haters because of who you are.”
“So?”
“They have no idea who you are, or what you went through, you don’t need to give them any authority to tell you what you can’t or can do.”
“Jeongin, it’s not that simple.” Minnie slumped his shoulders down, giving up in fighting back the tears. “Now, everytime I see myself…” Seungmin sobbed. “All I think about are those words.”
The room fell silent, only Seungmin’s sobs and sniffles filling up the quiet bathroom.
“Then let me give you something to think about.”
Seungmin looked up, confused but was startled by a pair of lips touching his.
Jeongin tasted salty lips with strawberry (probably Seungmin’s chapstick that he borrows from Yongbok all the time). He took a step closer and placed his free hand on Seungmin’s waist.
And he pulled him close.
Seungmin was going to back away but there was something on how his heart started beating fast, how his hand found Jeongin’s own and intertwined together, and how their bodies became closer; that made Seungmin not want to back away.
And they kissed, for a while; because Jeongin ended up pushing Seungmin against the counter and picking him up to have him sit on it.
Seungmin made space for Jeongin between his legs, his arms coming to rest over the youngest’s shoulders.
And it became deeper; Jeongin reached under Seungmin’s shirt and touched everything. Minnie bit on I.N.‘s lower lip in retaliation, hugging him closer.
Jeongin gripped Seungmin’s waist, making the oldest thrust up into Jeongin’s stomach.
“Wait, wait.” Seungmin pushed Jeongin away, trying to catch his breath. “What are we doing?”
“Making out, we can ask questions later.” Jeongin attacked Seungmin’s mouth again only to be pushed away. Again.
“B-but-“
“Seungmin…” Seungmin didn’t ignore how informally Jeongin was talking to him right now. “Right now I really just want to kiss your mouth until you forget every single comment of that live, and the ones that were probably before that too, until the only thing you remember is my lips on yours everytime you see yourself in the mirror.”
Seungmin was more surprised that he said that in one breath than the actual words, honestly.
Seungmin took a deep breath, not knowing where the hell this was going to take them, but still wanting to find out.
As long as Jeongin was beside him, he would go anywhere.
—Part Two—
—You Are Perfect—
“Jeongin, stop tickling me.”
The guys had some time off after the long filming of the newest SKZ-Code episodes.
Jeongin and Seungmin had the afternoon for themselves while the rest were doing their own things separately. (Hyunjin took Felix to his hometown, Jisung and Minho had a date, and Changbin and Chan went camping with Changbin’s family).
They laid on Seungmin’s bed while some reruns of old Tom And Jerry episodes played on the TV.
“Why?” Jeongin hid his face on Seungmin’s neck as he kept tickling him. “Give me a reason to stop.”
“I won’t give you any kisses for the rest of the night.” Jeongin looked up, totally offended and with a pout on his lips.
“I-“ Jeongin’s phone rang, cutting off whatever he had to say. He turned to reach for it and saw it was Chan. “It’s Chan.” Jeongin stood, groaning that he had to be seperated from Seungmin.
“Answer, Innie, you know he worries when we don’t.” Seungmin hugged Innie’s waist from behind and laid his head on his back. “I’m going to wash my teeth and when you get back we can watch a movie until we fall asleep.”
Jeongin smiled; in the few months since they kissed in the bathroom, they somehow grew closer.
“Alright, puppy.” Seungmin giggled and Jeongin kissed his forehead before leaving the room.
Seungmin got up to go to the bathroom but stopped when he received a notification from Bubble.
He sat back down and opened the app. He scrolled through the few first messages of fans commenting on the new SKZ-Code episode. When he arrived at the newest ones; that’s when his heart dropped to his feet.
Seungmin in that custom looks so dumb.
He looks like a small kid, for fucksake, he’s 21.
Stop making him cute, he isn’t.
That outfit makes him look childish.
What is he trying to look like? A kid with special needs? How disrespectful.
He should stop appearing in SKZ’s content, he just ruins everything.
Is disrespectful how they let him use that custom, disgusting.
Seungmin should just leave Stray Kids; they’ll probably be better without him.
Seungmin felt tears fall down his cheeks. It was happening again; the fear, the anxiety, the voices.
It all came back at once; making Seungmin get on his knees on the floor.
“Yes, I will call you.”
The bedroom door opened and Seungmin threw his phone and ran towards the bathroom.
“Yes Christopher, we’ll behave.”
“You better Yang Jeongin, I don’t want to come home and find that you guys destroyed the place because you couldn’t control yourselves.”
“It was just one time, and we were just kissing.”
“Jeongin, don’t make me come over there.”
“Okay, dad.”
Jeongin hanged up after Chan scolded him some more.
“Minnie?” He called but didn’t get a response. He saw the bathroom door closed and walked to it. “Hey, are you in there?”
Silence.
“Seungmin?” He called, this time worried. “Seungmin, open the door.” Jeongin forced the handle but the lock was on. “Seungmin, please.”
Jeongin heard a phone go off and saw Seungmin’s phone under the bed. He grabbed it and saw it unlock.
The flow of messages kept going, new ones popping up every second.
Jeongin gripped the phone tightly, cursing under his breath and went back to the bathroom door.
“Seungmin, please listen to my voice, baby.”
After they had become closer, Seungmin had been honest about what he felt when he read those comments back then. On how they made him feel everytime he looked in the mirror, or on a picture, or even a reflection.
“They don’t know you, okay?” Jeongin placed his hand over the door. “They’re just trying to find something to criticize, haters do that, baby. There’s no reason for you to listen to them, okay?”
Seungmin covered his mouth on the other side of the door to hide his sobs.
“Baby, it’s you and me against the world, remember?” Jeongin pressed his forehead against the door. “Just let me come in.”
Seungmin knelt on the floor.
“Please, Seungmin.” Jeongin’s voice cracked. “Let me be there for you, puppy.”
The lock in the door was lifted and Jeongin opened it.
Seungmin sat on the ground, his knees to his chest, his body rocking back and forth.
“Ow, my sweet puppy.”
Jeongin knelt behind him and hugged him tightly. Seungmin gripped his arms and whatever he had been holding in, he finally let go.
The entire room was filled with Seungmin’s cries and screams.
And Jeongin just held him until he couldn’t keep going anymore, and fell asleep in Jeongin’s arms.
Jeongin carried him to bed, changed him into his pajamas (dinosaur pajamas) and cleaned his face. He laid next to him and pulled him close and hugged him.
It was hours before Seungmin woke up again, and by then, the rest had come back. (Even Felix and Hyunjin, both taking an emergency flight and arriving overnight)
Seungmin woke up to a warm body next to him.
He got hit with a headache and a hand pressed his head against a warm chest.
“Shh, everything’s okay.”
That was Chan’s voice.
“Chan hyung?” Seungmin said, still drowsy because of the sleep.
“Just rest Seungmin, we’ll be here for you when you wake up.”
Seungmin raised his head and met Chan’s gaze. His eyes watered and Chan hugged him tightly.
“I’m so sorry.” He sobbed into Chan’s chest.
“Don’t be.” Hyunjin’s voice came from behind him. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
There was pressure in the end of the bed, by Seungmin’s feet, and he felt his feet being raised and placed over a lap.
“Doesn’t matter what they say, Minnie, it’s not your fault.” Felix said, patting his legs.
“You have to ignore those people, they want nothing but to hurt you.” Jisung hugged Seungmin from behind, pressing his cheek over his back. “We don’t want you to be sad.”
“Yeah, we need our puppy to be happy and enjoy life.” Minho squeezed his shoulders.
“What am I going to do without your sarcastic remarks and jokes?” Changbin’s voice came from somewhere in the room. “I don’t think I’ll survive.”
Seungmin couldn't help but giggle.
“Seungmin.” Jeongin’s voice came from afar. “Doesn’t matter what they say, or do, or tell you.”
Seungmin backed away from Chan and looked for Jeongin in the room.
“You are perfect and nothing, and nobody is going to take that away.”
Jeongin stood at the door, his back to it, looking at Seungmin and the others in the bed.
“We’re here for you, Seungmin.” Chan said. “We’re not going to leave you alone, okay?”
“O-Okay.”
Chan hugged him again, laying him back down over his chest.
Seungmin saw Jeongin walk closer and sat at the end of the bed, next to Changbin and across from Felix.
The TV started playing a movie that Seungmin didn’t recognize but seemed to be about superheroes.
The movie started in France, and while everyone had their eyes on the TV, Seungmin began searching for Jeongin’s hand around the bed.
When they would watch movies with the others, they would always hold hands secretly. Not because they didn’t want them to know, they just weren’t ready for them to know. Yet . Especially because they didn’t even know themselves what situationship they had going on.
He found Jeongin’s hand and squeezed. He received another squeezed back and felt a lot better for just a second.
But someone wasn’t watching the movie; he was watching where the two hands held each other on the bed. He had been feeling a hunch about those two for a while, so he wasn’t really surprised to see them holding hands. At all. It was probably more surprising to actually see Han and Hyunjin cuddling together in the bed, rather than how it usually was with Felix and Hyunjin cuddling and Han and Minho cuddling.
But that wasn’t the point.
Chan tapped Changbin’s shoulder and pointed with his head (discreetly) towards the hands. Binnie smiled and reached for Chan’s hand too, squeezing it.
They both had been right.
—Part Three—
—You and Me—
Jeongin barely waited for the car to come to a complete stop before opening the door. He didn’t even wait for the body guards to escort him inside the hospital.
He got off, didn’t wait for anybody, and ran inside the hospital.
He stopped at the front counter and asked for the room number. Once the nurse told him, he sped off again.
“Jeongin, wait!”
Jeongin pressed the elevator button and saw it coming from the 12th floor. He wasn’t going to wait that long, he took the stairs.
He jumped every two steps, and ran as fast as he could, without tripping.
He arrived at floor 5 and opened the door. He scared a nurse by accident but kept walking to find the room.
143. 143. 143.
He kept repeating, over and over, inside his head.
Room 143.
He found it and opened the door.
The entire time until now, his heart was beating fast. Adding the fact that he just ran, he barely could breath. But opening that door, and seeing what he saw, made him fall to his knees.
At the window, sat a cute boy with brown hair. His gaze over the horizon, with a cup of coffee in his hand.
Jeongin placed his hands on the floor, catching his breath. The boy hadn’t noticed him yet, too distracted watching the sun down from the window.
“Innie?” Hyunjin said, coming out of the bathroom and Jeongin being the first thing he saw. “Weren’t you and the others coming together?”
Jeongin took a deep breath and looked at Hyunjin.
“Y-Yes.” He said, still breathless. “But I-I…” His gaze went to the boy at the window, their eyes met, and Jeongin’s heart started beating slower.
The entire world around him began to move slower; it was like everything had just stopped, leaving just the boy and him in the center of the universe.
Their universe.
“Hey, Yang.”
And Jeongin didn’t cry; not since the last time he cried at Kingdom, but he began shedding tears at the sound of his voice.
He was alive; he was breathing, his heart was still beating, blood still ran through his veins.
Jeongin stood, and in three steps reached the boy.
“I’ve missed you these past days.” The boy said, with a smile. A genuine smile, and on full display too. No coverup, or false smile.
“Yin.”
Jeongin knelt in front of the boy and wrapped his arms around his shoulder.
“Oh, my Yin.”
Seungmin returned the hug, pouting and comforting Jeongin.
“You're still here.” Jeongin sobbed on Seungmin’s neck.
“I am.” Seungmin giggled, really not helping his reaction. “I’m not going anywhere either.”
Jeongin sobbed louder, and Hyunjin shut the door to give them some privacy.
“I-I thought I lost y-you.” Jeongin looked at Seungmin, his hands coming to rest on both of Seungmin’s cheeks. “I was so s-scared.”
“I know, me too.” Seungmin cradled Jeongin’s face. “I was so scared I wasn’t going to see you again.”
Jeongin hugged him again, not wanting to let go in case he did disappear out of thin air. Something that wasn’t obviously going to happen, but try telling that to a scared Yang Jeongin after hearing that the love of his life (yes, the love of his life, he finally came to terms with it) had gotten into a car accident.
Jeongin had just finished talking to Seungmin on the phone, when minutes later they had heard the crash, followed by their managers telling them what had happened.
It took a lot of I.N. not to get out of the car and run to the other car, but he was stopped by Bang Chan who tried calming him down as best as he could.
It got worse when the ambulance arrived and I.N. couldn't see anything; he couldn't see Seungmin, and that just made his anxiety worse.
Bang Chan and Changbin tried to calm him down (as well as calming down Jisung and Felix, who had come to their car after the whole ruckus of the accident) as much as they could, but they too were having trouble staying calm.
He had been so scared. Scared that something bad had happened to his hyung, to his puppy, to his love, to his Yin. He thought he had lost him.
So, hearing him call out his name, hearing him say his name, hearing his voice, brought him too many emotions for him to handle at once.
And that’s why, Jeongin wasn’t going to hold back anymore.
“I love you.”
Seungmin stopped patting Jeongin’s back and froze.
“I love you, Seungmin.” He repeated. “Even if the whole world turns itself against us, I’m going to love you.”
Seungmin’s hand shook on Jeongin’s cheek.
“Even with my last breath, the last beat in my chest, I’m going to love you. Now and always.” Jeongin pulled the boy closer. “Because I don’t care what others say, what others think, or what others may do.”
Seungmin took a deep breath.
“I’m going to love you.” Jeongin pressed their lips together. It didn’t last long, not when Jeongin had so much more to say. “I’m going to love every single part of you; from your smile, to your face, to your beautiful eyes, to your curly hair. To your awesome and quirky outfits, to your sarcastic comments and teasing, to your cute pout and puppy eyes.”
“I’m going to love you right here, tomorrow, and the days that followed until my heart gives its last beat, until the last breath leaves my body, until blood no longer runs through my veins, I’m going to fucking love you because I’m in love with you.”
“Jeongin…”
“I’m in love with you and I want the world to know. I want the world to know that I love you, Seungmin.”
Seungmin smiled, tears falling down his cheeks.
“And I don’t care what they’re going to say, or think about us, I want them to know I have the best and most handsome boy by my side. Loving me and taking care of me just like I will do with him.”
“Ow, Innie…”
“It’s just you and me against the world, puppy.” Said Jeongin. “Just you and me.”
“You and me.” Seungmin repeated.
“Against the entire fucking world.”
Jeongin looked into Seungmin’s eyes and realized they were both crying.
“I love you, Seungmin.”
“I love you too, Jeongin.”
“Even on the worst of days I know it's gonna be okay
As long as I've got you here with me
Whatever our crazy hearts might do
Whatever it is that we go through
No matter what I know you're right where I wanna be”
“Gonna Love You”
–Parmalee