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Leo, although bitterly, knew that his sanity was tied to a single thread. A frayed, thinned, this close to snapping kind of thread.
It wasn't just his usual self. Growing up with three brothers did that to a guy, always being enabled in his shenanigans. And it also was a part of his genes, if Donnie's mad scientist side was anything to go by. But no, his thinning patience and the blurred line between the real life and nightmares was new.
It was a simple side effect of med school.
It was naive of him to think that getting into one would be the hard part. If that was true, he wouldn't be keeled over next to the toilet bowl, trying to hurl out whatever he managed to eat at lunch on a regular school day.
As much as it was fun to make fun of “Vomitello”, Leo was not that much different. Blood and gore didn't get to him, but stress and anxiety did. And boy oh boy, did they get him good this time. The impending doom of an exam, the proof of the fact he couldn't really grasp anything with every test he took, the flashcards remaining useless in his hands- it all built up.
He heaved and felt grateful that there was no one else in the bathroom. Honestly, he didn't feel like explaining anything. What was he about to say, the lesson was too hard? The amount of detail was less than ideal? I wanna call it quits in the second year, it was nice knowing you guys?
He breathed hard, oxygen not quite making it to his lungs. His problem doubled when he heard footsteps outside the toilet cabin.
“…unnerving,” said a guy's voice. It was familiar, yet unfamiliar. Leo had definitely heard it at one point, but he had no face to match to the voice.
“I know, right?” agreed, another voice. This one was shriller and ultimately more annoying. Unfortunately, also faceless to Leo. “Like, I get it. You are a bad teacher. But you don't need to be a creep to prove it.”
A laughter rose and Leo felt the need to stop breathing. Whether it was to not attract attention or to listen to them better, he didn't know. He knew these two were from his class. But his class had two hundred students, and he wasn't enough of a social butterfly to know each one of them. But he knew that being from his class, they were likely talking about the latest lecture they got out from. The one that was making Leo currently dry heave.
OK, back up a little. A creep?
Leonardo wasn't kind-hearted enough to deny that she was a bad teacher. Her teaching methods were subpar and definitely could be worked on. Her slide shows were full of text in every page, and the text's color blended with the background. Not only that, but her ramblings were often monotonous, making it hard to listen. However, she was anything but a creep.
Leo liked to think he was good at reading people. And the teacher was very easy to read. She was a middle-aged, petite woman who simply sucked at teaching but loved her job regardless. She was also a mom to three, and she loved them dearly.
Leo knew, because in one lesson, the slide show ended with a painting. It was a painting called “Official Happiness”, from the Turkish artist Abidin Dino, featuring a family all stuffed in a bed, sleeping peacefully. She laughed and mentioned that she really liked this painting, hence, putting it on the closing page. And it reminded Leo of the box of puzzle they had in the house, one that he gifted Donnie when he was obsessed with puzzles at one point. One that he bought because he knew Donnie would hate it, simply because Official Happiness was the exact opposite of how Donnie liked his puzzles (aka lots of black around the edges). Leo, being the best twin in the whole wide world, gifted it to him with a cheeky grin. Donnie, being the worst twin in the whole wide world, completed it in one sitting just out of spite. Then disassembled it and threw it to a corner to gather dust.
Leo knew Donnie had no emotional connection to the thing, so he gifted the puzzle to the teacher. It was an impulse, something he did without any ulterior motives. In return, all he got was her excited monologue about how much her kids will love this, and how good at puzzles they are, and can you believe she was looking for a good puzzle to buy and this was great timing? Leo sat down and listened to her, missing his lunch break. Seeing someone being so passionate about something tugged at his heartstrings, and he couldn't bring himself to leave. In the end, he developed admiration for her, and she quickly became one of his favorite teachers.
Perhaps that's why it hurt so much when he couldn't grasp the subject of the last lesson. Despite his anticipation, Leo felt, in a way, let down.
“Like, the whole lesson, man,” complained the first guy. “She stared at the 6th Cranial Nerve the whole lesson.”
“Yeah! Yeah!” exclaimed the other guy, and Leo's brows furrowed.
The 6th Cranial Nerve?
The lesson was explicitly about humoral immune response, and not even an ounce of nerve was involved. That was so last unit, the one they completed last month. Not a single picture of a nerve or anything of sorts was in the slide show.
Then it hit Leo. It hit him like a truck, all at once.
It was a nickname. And a very lame one at that, yet quite smart, too. It was almost impossible to trace it back to whom it refers to. But it was Leo who she looked at the entire lesson. Partially it was because she liked him as well, clearly enjoying his gift. But mostly that was because Leo was the only one in the classroom who gave her the courtesy of listening intently to the lesson.
And if she looked at Leo the whole lesson, does that mean he was the 6th Cranial Nerve?
The ridiculousness of the nickname would make him laugh if he didn't feel a cold pit where his stomach would be. His chest was hollowed, emptied out of anything nice. The remnants of a memory he had not so long ago rang loud in his ears.
No. No, not again. No. I can't-
He heaved once more, only bile acid rising in his esophagus. He was still there even after the other two were long gone.
***
“Heyo? From Earth to Leo?”
Leo looked up from his mindless scrolling. Currently, he was at the front door of his building, (supposedly) waiting for his youngest brother. Mikey, being the future psychologist, had his lectures in the same hall as the med students. Judging by the flow of students exiting the building, it couldn't have been long since the lecture ended, yet Leo still felt a pang of guilt for making his brother wait.
Mikey must've noticed the change, because he looked at him with those huge, considerate eyes. “Everything alright, man?”
Leo gulped down whatever he had in mind and put on an easy, flippant smile. “Everything is a-OK, Miguel,” he said, with jazz hands. He pocketed his phone and walked towards the exit. “Shall we? Don't want to miss the best seats in the bus.”
Mikey looked doubtful, which meant thinned lips with narrowed eyes, borderlining Dr. Delicate Touch. “Suuure,” he drawled out. He didn't even point out the fact that, let alone finding the best seats, finding a seat was nigh impossible at this hour. (How Donnie stayed sane —well, his usual sane— was unbeknownst to Leo. He himself had a hard time not flipping out in a crowded bus with no personal space after a long day at school, so he had to applaud his twin's performance for making it out alive.)
Leo threw his arm around his brother's shoulder, still delightfully easy to reach despite his growth spurt. Mikey leaned into the touch and looked up. “Are you really OK, Leo?”
Leo forced himself to snort. He didn't like how his brother sounded legitimately concerned. At all. “What, side hugs are off limits now?” he asked, hoping he sounded as cheeky as he intended to. His voice sounded strained even to his own ears.
“No.” As if he was scared Leo would pull away, he hugged tightly. “Not at all.”
When they made it to the crowded bus stop, Leo pulled out his earplugs with an apologetic smile. “Long day,” he muttered, and he had meant it. He didn't have it in him to make mindless chit-chat over the bus ride. This, of course, caused even further suspicion to Mikey, but Leo didn't have the energy to deal with it right now. His burning, empty stomach wasn't helping either.
The mindless scrolling continued, making Leo feel even worse. Duh. He caught Mikey throwing curious glances at him occasionally. When he locked eyes with him maybe the fifth time in the last three minutes, he sighed. He opened his “meme folder” in his gallery and showed him a random one. Mikey barked out a laughter, then tried to stifle it in, cheeks reddening with gathered attention.
This solved the Concerned Mikey™ issue. Leo took a deep breath, leaning his head against the cold metal pole.
6th Cranial Nerve echoed in his mind.
***
Light footsteps made wooden stairs creak, yet Leo remained with his back turned to the door. Donnie walked into their bedroom silently, yet sluggish (yes, Leo could tell the difference with merely hearing the shuffling of his clothes. He was a good twin, sue him). There was not a single doubt that he was exhausted. Yet.
“Are you OK?”
Really? Leo groaned, throwing his arm over his face. “Good evening to you too, Dontron.” He resisted the urge to complain further, annoyed that his brothers could actually tell that he was in a bad mood even though he said nothing. Well, maybe that was the giveaway. Ouch.
“Yeah. Good evening,” Donnie replied, monotonous. He threw his backpack somewhere around his desk and walked up to Leo’s bed. He poked at Leo’s arm over his face. “Something's wrong?”
It wasn’t a question, but rather, a statement. He poked once again and Leo batted his hand away. Donnie caught Leo’s hand midair and looked at him dead in the eye.
Donnie was not the best with eye contact. When it came to talking about a deep subject, he barely made any, hands flailing around with eyes focused on walls instead. But he was great at making eye contact when it came to questioning someone. It was unwavering, unblinking, and devoid of emotion. Staring directly into his opponent's soul. He once told Leo that it was an intimation tactic.
Leo was intimidated, alright.
“Nothing's wrong,” Leo denied, his voice heavy with exhaustion.
Donnie stared at him. He didn't even give him the pleasure of a single raised eyebrow, a practiced expression in front of the bathroom mirror. That one was reserved to brotherly banter. This one was an intervention.
After silence hung heavy in the air, Donnie's shoulders slumped. “Very well, then,” he said, ever the theater kid. “Raph will arrive soon with pizza.”
Leo felt his eyes brighten despite himself. “Hawaiian?”
“Scoff. It's vegetable, this time.”
Leo rolled back down with a frown. “Pineapple is a vegetable,” he mumbled.
“I will pretend I did not hear that,” Donnie said, dryly. He side eyed Leo and went into the bathroom to change into comfortable clothes.
Leo felt his heart pumping against his chest, not calming down despite the side eye was out of his view. “The 6th Cranial Nerve,” his thoughts echoed, “Also known as the Abducens Nerve, innervates the eye muscle called the Lateral Rectus. The said muscle is used when the eye is turned outwards, also known as doing the 'side eye'.”
His stomach churned, but not because of hunger this time. Even pizza didn't seem all that appealing.
***
“Hey big guy. You up?”
It was honestly beautiful how his brother was the gentlest of them, yet the largest. Raph was currently peeking inside his bedroom with, no doubt, eyes full of love.
Leo rolled over and glared at his older brother. “Well now I am,” he snapped, despite not sleeping even after Donnie left the room to “work” in his “Lab”. They all knew he got no work done. After school Lab hours were reserved to sitting in a dark corner, headphones blaring heavy dubstep and rocking back and forth. Leo barely resisted the urge to join his twin, sometimes. This time. His mind was restless, running in circles. It didn't seem like it was about to stop anytime soon.
Raph grinned, his snuggle tooth pinching into his lower lip. He welcomed himself in. “How is Dr. Leo doing today?” he teased as Leo groaned into his pillow. “Yikes. That bad?”
“What do you mean? I'm at the top of my game.” Leo (barely) managed to stand up without tripping on his sheets. He collected his braids into a loose top knot. He gave a grin as he punched Raph lightly on the shoulder. “How about you?”
“Eh. The usual.” A mischievous glint lit up his eyes. The next thing Leo knew was that he was thrown over his brother's shoulder.
“Put me down,” he grumbled, because he was scared that he would throw up. There was nothing to throw up.
“Nah, I'll pass.” Raph easily maneuvered his way out of the room despite Leo's dangling limbs, and swiftly made his way downstairs. The world once again turned upside down and Leo found himself sitting on a chair.
“Eugh, boy.” He massaged his temples and looked up. Mikey, despite not cooking today, had resigned to making salad. He sent a bright grin on his way, which Leo barely managed to reply with one of his own. Even Donnie had joined them and was helping himself to a large glass of diluted apple juice —or, as Leo helpfully put it, flavorless juice.
On the dinner table laid a few pizza boxes, adorning Señor Hueso's logo on them. After the boycotting started, they stopped buying from places like Pizza Hut and Starbucks, and this sentiment merged with Mikey's love for small businesses. In the end, they settled down to Sr. Hueso's pizzeria, belonging to a man that —for some reason— eerily resembled of a skeleton to Leo. Judging by the rustic interior, it was likely a family business. The pizza was seriously good. Annoying the guy simply with his presence was even better.
Even the memory of the man's twitching eye, buried down into his eye socket, made Leo snicker. His brothers looked at him curiously, each with their unique caution. Donnie's gaze bore into his head, while Mikey looked hopeful. Raph simply looked smitten with brotherly love.
Instead of explaining -because come on, how could he- he opened the boxes. “Well,” he said, with a casual grin on his lips. “Dig in.”
Donnie kept staring at him behind his large, square frames. Leo sighed and put down his pizza slice. Did Donnie want a challenge?
Leo was going to give him one.
“Someone called me a weirdo today,” Donnie said, casually breaking the silence. Mikey stopped dead in his tracks from mixing the salad. Raph suddenly looked not that smitten.
Leo, for a moment, forgot about his own troubles. A frown creased his forehead. “Why?”
Donnie shrugged, as if it was a daily occurrence. (Maybe it was. Perhaps for the last two years his twin got called a weirdo every day, for simply existing, and Leo had no idea. The snake of guilt rattled around in his stomach.) He grabbed a slice and got a big bite. “I was just walking down the hall, and then someone accidentally hit me, ramming me to a wall. I dropped my books and froze for a good minute.”
“Aww, Donnie.” Mikey looked like a sad puppy. His hand twitched as if he wanted to reach Donnie's to hold, but he held back. “You do know that's not true, right?”
Donnie gave a hearty laugh. “Of course that is true, Mikey,” he said, easily. “And I'm OK with that. Although, that does not mean they can scream it to my face.”
Raph's shoulders rose. “Wait, did they scre-”
“Irrelevant.” Donnie flapped a hand and turned to Leo. “Your turn. Spill.”
Three sets of eyes bored into Leo's. Anticipation hung heavy in the air. Leonardo Hamato, the champion of running away from his problems and the king of self-doubt, leaned back with a sigh.
“I think someone… Argh, I don't know how to put this.” He ran a hand down on his face. “I might be made fun of behind my back.”
“Ah.” Recognition flashed through his brothers' eyes. All three of them suddenly looked very, very sad.
“It's not that bad,” tried Leo, to soften the blow. “Like, I was in the bathroom and some people —I don't know who— came in and started talking about how the teacher looked at someone the whole lesson. They didn't say whom, they used a nickname, but it was me who she looked. So. Yeah.”
When he said it out loud, it didn't seem much. It seemed so miniscule and funny, nothing to be bothered about. Truly stupid to be stuck on his mind-
“What was the nickname?”
“Donald!”
“What? Don't act as if that's unimportant.” Donnie turned away from a seeping Mikey back to his twin. “Nardo. Tell me the nickname.”
“…6th Cranial Nerve.”
“6th Cranial Nerve.” Donnie repeated, flat. “The Abducens Nerve?”
Of course he knew that. Because he was Donnie, and he knew a lot about irrelevant things, but had to be sat down by Dr. Feelings to realize that hunger was not an emotion. (Last year. The Hug It Out Seminar had happened last year.) It was endearing.
Leo felt a smile tugging on his lips. “Yeah.”
“But… what does it do, this Upducsent Nerve?”
“Abducens,” said Donnie, correcting Raph. “It's not my place to answer that. Dr. Leonardo, if you would, please.”
“Sure.” Leo swallowed down nothing with his ashen throat. He felt bad for stealing his brothers' precious time and warm pizza like this. He cast down his gaze. “It allows you to give someone the side eye.”
Mikey, rightfully so, cracked a smile. Even Raph couldn't hold back a snicker. Donnie, on the other hand, leaned back with raised eyebrows.
“My dearest brother, whom have you looked that hard that they are scared of uttering your very name?”
Leo felt a laughter bubbling in his chest. Although he allowed it, he was also painfully aware of the tears forming in his eyes. “I have no idea,” he croaked. Mikey appeared beside him in a flash and hugged him tightly.
“Well, it can't be helped.” Donnie whipped out his phone and typed something. “When did this happen, again?”
“… Around 1 pm, why?”
“I'm in the school's security system, looking through the camera footage. Aaand there they are.” A mischievous grin spread out on his twin's face. “Our payback shall be great.”
Leo blinked, mouth agape. “Donnie, what the-”
“Or my payback. I can do it myself, Leo. Sit back and relax.”
“No, what even are you gonna do-”
“We can't kill every person who might’ve said a bad thing about us,” said Raph through gritted teeth, and put down the phone of a very disappointed Donnie, “But we can talk about it.”
“That's so true, baby.” Mikey looked up at Leo, his eyes glistening with his own tears. “Thanks for telling us about it, Leo.”
Donnie put his phone back into his hoodie pocket. “Yeah, whatever.” He laid out two hands palm up, then put down his fists with his thumbs and little fingers out. The offer remains.
“Raph can still see you, you know.”
Leo laughed at the way Donnie glared at their eldest brother, causing himself to be the victim of the said glare. It wasn't long before Donnie joined in on the laughter. From the dark rings under his eyes and the oversized hoodie enveloping him, there was no doubt that he was exhausted. Overstimulated. This close to snapping. Yet, he still gave up from his precious time to Leo.
They all did.
“Thanks, guys.” Leo squeezed Mikey one last time before he let go. “Let's finish this pizza before it gets cold.”