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When there was a knock at his door, he should have expected who it would be, yet Smith was nonetheless surprised to see Isami standing on the other side.
Ever since they'd returned from the climactic final showdown, their lives had become hectic, but things between them had gone quiet. He thought it might have simply been because they were both too busy to see each other, but a part of him couldn't look away from the possibility that Isami didn't want to see him.
Why would he? It only made sense that he would want to return to the way things used to be, before the world became chaotic and incomprehensible. Smith felt like he'd been born to face the sort of unprecedented situations that had previously only existed in the likes of tokusatsu, but everyone didn't share his dream.
It was finished. And it was probably best to leave it all in the past so that things could go back to normal, the way they were supposed to be.
The world didn't need Bravern anymore.
That should've made him happy. But as Bravern gradually went farther into the distance, and as the distance between him and Isami equally widened, he just felt more empty inside. The sense of fulfillment he'd expected to feel wasn't there. There was just a hole inside of him – a hollow space that couldn't be filled by anyone but Isami.
So, he was surprised.
When he saw Isami standing there with one of those sour expressions on his face, he felt something tighten in his chest. He loved all of Isami's faces, even the unfriendly and unpleasant ones. Just a glimpse of him was enough to make the hole in his chest ache with emotion.
Even though Bravern was gone, those feelings remained.
He could barely stand it when Isami looked at him. What did that face mean? He didn't know. He couldn't even think, overwhelmed by the strength of his own feelings.
He wanted to shout it, right there. If he held it in any longer, it felt as though he would short-circuit for sure.
Wordlessly, keeping his head low and eyes on the floor, Isami shrugged his way past him into the room and sat on Smith's bottom bunk. Planting his elbows firmly on his lap, he clasped his hands between his knees with a grip that looked painfully tight. The room became so quiet, it made Smith wonder if Isami were holding his breath.
As the silence persisted, Isami occasionally glanced at him as if signaling him to do something.
Though he still felt unsure about where things were going, Smith took that as his cue. Standing across from where Isami was sitting, he leaned back against his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. He regarded Isami carefully and tried to speak directly so as to pierce through the tense atmosphere.
“I thought you were avoiding me. It's been a long time since we've talked, just the two of us.”
At once, the stiffness in Isami's shoulders seemed to soften somewhat, his furrowed brows raising in confusion.
“It's only been a couple days. Everyone's needed me for one thing or another, so I couldn't get away until now.”
A couple days? That couldn't have been right...
It felt like it had been at least a week since he'd last talked to Isami. No, a month! At least!
Perhaps he'd been blowing things out of proportion in his own mind...
“So, ah... I assume you came here for something. Did you want to talk? Hang out? Oh, maybe you want to go for a dri--”
“I wanted to clear something up.” Isami's gaze solemnly returned to the floor. “I feel like there's been a misunderstanding. I don't think we can go on like this unless I say something.”
Of course.
The bond he thought they shared. Isami's feelings. They were only for Bravern.
He didn't have to say it. He didn't need to.
Even if it were just a temporary dream, he didn't want to lose what they thought they had.
But Isami was looking at him. For some reason, even though his features were straining with some uncomfortable, unspoken feeling, his eyes were shining bravely. Despite the nervous pounding that had seized his own heart, Smith once again found himself helplessly captivated. Then, he knew. No matter what Isami had to tell him, Smith knew that his own feelings wouldn't change. They never would.
Isami would always be his source of strength. His hero.
With his resolve bravely steeled, Smith returned his gaze and nodded, ready to listen.
Isami took in a breath.
“I'm not a hero.”
Those weren't the words that Smith expected to hear, but it still hurt. So, that was what he meant when he said there had been a misunderstanding.
He opened his mouth to deny it – to tell him that he was wrong – but the words refused to leave his tongue. If he carelessly said what he wanted, he knew that he would have only been one-sidedly pushing his feelings onto him again.
He could tell that it was hard enough for Isami to say what he was thinking. He didn't want to make it harder.
“From the start, I was never a hero. The courage that you admired so much – what you thought you saw in me during that practice exercise where we first met... It was only as real as that exercise. I was completely unprepared for real combat, especially against something as outrageous as a threat from outer space. I... I was ashamed that I wasn't what you thought. And I was annoyed by the way that you shoved your expectations onto me.”
Smith nodded weakly.
“I... see...”
It was pitiful. He couldn't even say that he hadn't known. If a part of him were surprised, it was only because he'd rushed ahead without considering how Isami felt about it for too long, foolishly acting like it would all be fine.
“I was annoyed by you for a long time. You and Bravern. Hero this, hero that... How was I supposed to understand? What the hell is a hero even supposed to be?!” His voice rose, shouting with the same frustration Smith recognized from his first interactions with him as Bravern. “By the time I finally understood, it was too late. It was because it was too late...”
Isami lowered his head, and even though he wrapped his arms tightly around himself, his shoulders shook.
He was crying.
“I was always looking in the mirror, trying to find what you and Bravern saw in me. Seriously, how stupid could I be? What gave me the courage to be a hero had never been inside of me. It was you. And I only realized it once you weren't there anymore.”
What was he talking about?
What was he saying?
Suddenly, the conversation didn't make sense anymore. Had his ears stopped working?
He thought there was supposed to be a misunderstanding, but what Isami said sounded so familiar. It rang like a bell in the empty part of Smith's chest.
Isami was sobbing, and even the heels of his palms which were pressed to his eyes couldn't stop his tears from hitting the floor. His voice came out shakily, quietly, but Smith heard every word clearly. Because the same words already existed in him.
“I was only able to fight with all of my courage because of you, Smith. I love you.”
They were the same.
He should have fought harder to live. His life had value to someone besides himself. By the time he understood that, it was already too late. His feelings for Isami, and Isami's feelings for him – their bond was what brought Bravern to life. The only way he could fight was if he had Isami by his side, and he hadn't wanted it any other way. Even in another life, that fact was unchanging.
Isami must have felt the same incompleteness.
The place inside of him where Isami belonged...
Inside of Isami, there was a place meant for him, too.
Like that day, he rushed to Isami's side. He took him into his arms and held him tightly.
He couldn't take him inside of him any longer, but his chest felt full all the same.
His missing piece was back where it belonged.
“Isami... I love you. I love you, Isami. I'll never leave you. Even if I die a hundred times, I'll come back a hundred times. All I want is to be your strength, forever.”
He felt Isami's hands grip the back of his shirt, heard the sob as he took a breath. Smith regretted that he no longer had a sturdy metal body that could protect him from beams and explosions, but there were some things that only a human could do. For that reason, he'd even felt a little jealous of his past self when they'd met. His metal hands had been too large and heavy to hold him and comfort him.
If another alien horde arrived on Earth someday in the future, he would gladly abandon his form once more if it were to protect the one he cherished. But it wouldn't be without struggle. He would fight to live for him. To stay the man he loved. And always, no matter what, he would return to him. Without a doubt. Even if it meant that he had to change the rules of the world with his own hands.
Isami gave him that sort of strength.
Gently, he smoothed his hand over Isami's back as he listened to his soft sniffling subside.
Isami pulled back slightly, but he didn't separate from him, his hands remaining pinned to Smith's sides as if he were afraid to let him go. Finally, Smith felt like he could truly see his face clearly; the love in his furrowed brow, in his quivering lips, in his eyes shimmering with tears.
“I must not look very strong right now... You told me that tears don't suit a hero...”
“Just the opposite. I could tell that it took a lot of courage for you to say all of that. These are very strong tears.”
Isami sniffled again. After having said what he wanted to say, he looked very tired.
“All of this sniffling is making me feel lightheaded,” he muttered.
“Here.” Smith helpfully retrieved the box that he kept on the floor next to his bunk. “Tissue.”
Appreciatively, Isami took a few to clean up his face. It might have been a little mean of him, but Smith couldn't help but think that he looked cute even when his nose and eyes were red from crying. He really adored everything about him. For the rest of his life, he would just have to endure the way his chest tightened painfully with the enormity of the love he felt for him. It wasn't a terrible burden at all.
“So... Does this mean... Now that we've both said it... Are we...?”
“Lovers?” Smith excitedly provided.
“I guess that's not wrong,” Isami mumbled, shyly looking away, “but I don't like how it sounds. Too intimate...”
“Boyfriends?”
“That's too embarrassing...”
“Partners?”
Isami paused, thinking about it for a moment before giving a small nod.
“That could work. I feel used to that already.”
That was right. That word felt perfect for them.
Partners...
He and Isami were partners!! ♥♥
“My head hurts now. Is this what love is always like?” Isami rubbed his temples with a slight frown, but then his face seemed to brighten somewhat. “I do feel sort of refreshed in a weird way, though.”
“It probably felt good to finally get all of that off your chest. Now you can relax,” Smith said, soothingly rubbing Isami's shoulder. With the distance between them finally closed, it was hard to keep his hands off of him. He didn't want to irritate him, but it seemed like Isami was in an agreeable mood, so he decided to push his luck. Carefully. “Can I, um... Can I try kissing you? I-it's okay if you don't feel like you're emotionally prepared for that yet, though! We can take it at your pace. I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to do something you don't like again...”
As expected, Isami looked extremely nervous, but he quickly seemed to mellow out. At that point, after having emotionally exhausted himself, he might not have even had enough energy left to feel anxious.
“It's okay,” he said, gingerly placing a hand on Smith's chest. “I like that you don't treat me delicately. The only reason I made it this far is because you kept giving me the push I needed...”
“Isami...”
Their first kiss...
Ah, he was so happy! He was so happy, he could barely think straight!
Without thinking, he grasped Isami's hand and held it tightly to his chest. Distantly, as he leaned in, he wondered if Isami could feel how quickly his heart was pounding.
He'd daydreamed about their first kiss many times, imagining it to be a special, momentous occasion. He thought it needed to be perfect. Although he'd been Bravern at the time, that picturesque night on the beach would have been an opportunity he would've called perfect. However, sitting there with him on his bunk, surrounded by his figures and posters, Smith realized that the mundane was perfect already.
As his lips touched Isami's, he could imagine kissing him the same way, just like that, for the rest of his life.
He felt reluctant to part from him, but he didn't want to make it awkward.
When he pulled away, Isami looked dazed.
Slowly, Isami laid himself down on the bed and closed his eyes.
“I-Isami...?”
“I think I just need to lay down for a bit...”
Ah. He was just overwhelmed. Smith didn't have any experience when it came to relationships, but Isami seemed even more out of his element. Smith had spent a lot of his time as Bravern thinking about Isami that way, but Isami probably still needed some time to catch up. The shock of falling in love unexpectedly was still fresh.
Moving to the edge of the bed to give Isami some space, Smith picked up his tablet and started searching for something. When he found what he was looking for, he left the bed for a second to place the tablet upright on his desk.
A familiar heroic tune started playing.
“What's that?” Isami asked, eyes still closed.
Smith grinned.
“The first episode of Spar Kaiser. I thought that hearing the theme song might help you relax.”
“Oh... It's your favorite, right? You'll have to teach me how to shout the special moves.”
“Isamiii~! ♥♥”