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Lilith had left long ago.
Forever ago.
It felt like an eternity, everything he had left to care about was gone.
Lucifer stared at his new rubber duck creation, they all looked exactly like his former wife. His vision started to blur from the wetness brimming in the corners of his eyes.
Why did she have to leave him here? At least before he had known where she was after they split, but now she had disappeared to god knows where.
And Charlie…
He choked on his own saliva as he tried to let out a sob.
His daughter had to hate him.
Lucifer had never been there, and when he tried, Lilith just dragged Charlie away. The few times he had risen from his depression and tried to be a decent father, it was ripped away by the very thing he had loved the most.
Did he still love her?
No…
Wait? Yes?
No… yes…!
He didn’t know.
Lucifer loved Charlie, he absolutely adored her. But now… it seemed too late to try and rekindle. It had to be. She was a young adult living on her own, and she never called on him for help with anything, even when he was still right here. They had been a close family when Charlie was very little.
Lucifer didn’t know where he went wrong. What did he do? Lilith had loved him, but suddenly one day… she just… didn’t? She ripped Charlie away from him and moved away. He didn’t know where they went, but he called at least a few times a week. That habit fell apart once Charlie became older; she had been trying to separate herself from both her parents. Lucifer just felt like he was bothering her at that point, the nervous voice on the phone jabbed holes in his heart every time they were on the phone.
Lilith had struck him a few times for trying to spend more time with Charlie. It had further broken him, so he just stopped trying. He wished he still had someone to hold him in these lonely nights.
But the palace was empty. It had been empty for years. Lucifer’s body shook with sobs as he curled into himself.
It was all his fault, it had to be. He was the one who made them fall, he was the one who fell into depression, he was the one who pushed his family away… he…
One of the knives he used for crafting found its way into his hand after a few quick moments, and then it was driven into his arm. Golden blood spattered the floor as he ripped it out.
Lucifer suddenly let go of the knife, realizing what he did.
No! He didn’t deserve to sit here and bleed and die. He deserved to sit here and feel the immense guilt and sorrow of losing everything he cared about.
As prideful as he could be, well, he did not feel that way about this realm he created.
He sat back down on the large bed he had once shared with his family, watching as more of the golden substance leaked from his hand, running down his wrist and sometimes still making its way to the carpet beneath him.
Charlie and Lilith had meant everything to him, they were the last things he cared about.
That stupid woman, leaving him and taking his daughter with her. He barely got the chance to raise her. It was Lilith’s fault. Lucifer should’ve left her in that forsaken garden-
His hands slapped over his mouth, trying to swallow the emotion in his throat.
No, it was his fault, not Lilith’s. If he didn’t make all those terrible choices, the choices he knew would get them into trouble, maybe they’d still be happy.
He wrapped his arms around himself, looking for some kind of comfort, but it only made him feel more disgusting.
He was a failure. He’d always been a failure, in heaven and hell. He got booted from heaven, and now he was stuck down here.
Lucifer hadn’t been much of a king to his people, and now Adam and his stupid angelic army forced him to let them come down and kill all of them. That had been Lilith’s breaking point with him, he assumed. They had gotten into a massive argument. Screaming matches had become the norm, but Charlie had been there to see this one. She had gripped onto Lucifer until Lilith shoved him to the floor, kicking him and stealing their daughter away.
They had left at once, Charlie’s weak cries bouncing off the walls until the door to the palace slammed shut. Lucifer had stood there, begging for Lilith not to leave, but ended up with the door in his face.
He stood there all night after that.
He had the false hope they’d come back.
He actually stood there for days.
Weeks.
Months…
Until finally…
Lilith called. She spoke to him in a cordial voice, saying she’d drop Charlie off every once in a while.
He had felt giddy, and prepared to palace for that visit.
The visits happened… once a year, for maybe eight years. Then Charlie said she didn’t want to come anymore.
The vile smile that had coveted Lilith’s face… or maybe that was his imagination… he was sure he saw a pleased expression on his former wife at least.
He had tried too hard to make Charlie want to see him more and more, but every time she came, it was awkward, and she’d almost always leave early. Lucifer let her go. He’d probably never see her again after… today. Yeah, that happened today.
He had let Charlie go for good…
Of course he did.
He stared at one of the family portraits on the wall…
Lucifer would never get that back.