Work Text:
Eddie feels like the most pathetic man in the universe.
He’s having a great time, actually. It’s Chim’s bachelor party, so why wouldn’t he be having a great time? Which is why he’s the most pathetic man in the universe.
He finishes his fourth – fifth? – drink and sets his empty glass down on the table. Chimney is whooping and hollering as the whole bar chants about the groom-to-be, an ode that Buck somehow got going in the mere seconds before his karaoke song started playing.
Eddie watched as Hen tried to corral Chim back to the table, as Buck took the microphone and waited for his selected song to come on the speaker. Eddie knows that Buck is pleasantly buzzed, although not quite fully drunk yet. His cheeks are pink and his shirt is coming more and more unbuttoned as the night goes on. It’s been a long evening, the drinks spread out enough that Eddie himself isn’t even all the way drunk, but he’s definitely – buzzed. Inebriated, just a little bit.
Which is why Eddie can admit to himself, right now in the dim of the bar, that it’s been a trying few weeks for him. He broke up with Marisol – long overdo – and he realized that he’s in love with his best friend who is currently dating his other friend, and all it took was Eddie realizing that oh, Buck is into men, for Eddie to realize that oh, he is into men.
Well. Man, at the moment. Singular man, really. Buck.
And Eddie has not told a single soul.
Because why would he, when it would do absolutely no good right now. Buck is happy – happier than Eddie has seen him in a long time – and Eddie, for once, actually likes Buck’s significant other. Tommy treats him just how Buck deserves to be treated, and Eddie isn’t about to sacrifice having Buck in his life in whatever capacity he can just because he had a realization a little too late.
But that won’t stop him from feeling a little pathetic as he nurses his fifth – sixth? – drink.
Chimney and Hen come back to the booth, plopping down on either side of Eddie. Hen gives him an inquiring look – omniscient even after several drinks – while Chimney just leans into his side and cackles into the ceiling.
The music starts playing overhead, and Eddie says a quick thanks to the karaoke gods for saving him from whatever line of questioning Hen was about to unleash upon him.
Buck grins as the first few notes play, and once he’s recognized the song, Eddie is no longer thankful.
“Who’s that sexy thing I see over there?”
Eddie’s eyes are wide, and the instant Buck looks over at him, pointing right at Eddie as he sings the lyric, he feels his cheeks turning red and hot. He looks everywhere but at Buck because – because what is Buck doing? And why is Buck singing Meghan Trainor of all people, when Backstreet Boys and NSYNC are right there.
Eddie shakes his head, because Meghan Trainor aside, that doesn’t change the fact that Buck said the word sexy while looking right at Eddie.
He makes the mistake of looking at Hen, and her eyebrow is raised right at him. He’s not sure if she’s even glanced at Buck a single time since he started singing. Eddie can’t look at her, and he can’t look at Buck, especially when Buck is singing a song about loving himself – which, which is great, really, because Buck deserves to actually like himself for once – but Eddie can guarantee that Buck is probably doing some hip movements that will send him to the floor.
“Um,” Eddie stammers, and then he’s bolting out of the booth, up and over Chimney’s lap in a very ungraceful manner, and shooting to the bathroom without another word.
He braces himself at the sink and practices being a jello-man, eyes closed and the water running for some white noise. He’s fine. He’s just had too much to drink with not enough food. He’s fine.
The sink, however, also covers the noise of the bathroom door behind him, and he doesn’t realize that Hen is next to him until she’s talking right in his ear.
“Eddie,” she says softly, turning off the faucet. Her voice is soft, quiet, more sober than Eddie would think possible with how much they’ve all drank tonight. And Eddie can tell that she knows.
“I know,” he says quietly into the sink, not opening his eyes. “My timing is shit.”
Hen doesn’t disagree, but she does put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Buck loves you.”
“He’s with Tommy.”
Again, she doesn’t disagree. “We’ve had a lot to drink,” she says instead. “And the wedding is tomorrow, so maybe – maybe we just put this on hold for the next few nights.”
Eddie takes a deep, shaky breath. “I’m putting it on hold forever.”
“Eddie,” she whispers, and her voice sounds pained now. “You can talk about it. You need to talk about it, but not while you’re drunk, and definitely not in a bar bathroom.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Buck aside,” Hen murmurs, squeezing his arm until Eddie finally opens his eyes and looks at her. “This is a big thing, Eddie. This is a big part of you.”
Eddie blinks back the sudden film of tears that spring into his eyes. He sniffs once, and then Hen's arms are wrapped around him.
“After the wedding,” she says quietly, squeezing him again as he rests his forehead on her shoulder, “Come over and have wine night with me and Karen. Bring as many bottles as you need.”
Eddie snorts and nods, and he knows that he won’t be able to get out of it, although he finds that he doesn’t want to, anyway.
She hugs him again before letting go, and Eddie knows that they should get back out there before Buck and Chim start looking for them. Eddie considers just calling it quits now and getting an Uber home, but he knows that might just lead to more questions and concern and drama that Chim doesn’t need to deal with the night before his wedding.
“I don’t want to make a scene,” he says quietly, just before Hen exits the bathroom. She pauses again and looks at him. “Tomorrow, I don’t – when he gets up there to talk about love during his speech, I don’t know how I can – how I can not let it show all over my face.”
Hen sighs. “To be honest,” she says slowly. “You are really bad at keeping it off of your face. So you probably won’t be able to.”
“Thanks,” Eddie groans, scrubbing a hand over his eyes. “Very helpful.”
“I’m honest.”
They head back to the booth, and Chim and Buck are all but yelling at each other, excited and thrumming with the energy in the room.
Eddie settles back into his seat next to Buck, and Buck instantly leans into his side.
“Eddie,” he whines, throwing his head onto Eddie’s shoulder and looking up at him with a pout. Eddie’s heart stutters in his chest. “You missed it.”
“Next time, bud,” he assures him. Bud is safe. Bud is not the word you use for someone you’re in love with. He pats Buck on the shoulder – like a bro would – and orders him another drink.
At the wedding, just like Eddie predicted, Buck stands at the front, giving his best man speech and talking about love.
“Chim and Maddie are the blueprint,” Buck says near the end of his speech. “Loving someone is – it’s stepping into the mess with them. Being there for the fun times, but also the hard times. When they’re at their worst, you’re at your worst, and –”
Buck pauses, and Eddie watches as he blinks once, twice, and then his eyes dart over to the table where Eddie’s sitting, and they don’t leave.
Buck clears his throat and continues, but Eddie’s heart is now pounding in his chest, because Buck is still looking at him. “And Chim and Maddie have been through it, way too many times. They deserve a happy ending,” he says quietly, but he’s looking at Eddie as he says it. “And now they have it.”
Buck’s eyes stay on him as he sits back down, as the dancing begins, and Eddie knows this because he hasn’t taken his off of Buck.
But then Tommy goes up to Buck and asks him to dance, and Buck gives him one more glance before placing his hand into Tommy’s.
He meets Hen’s gaze for just a moment, and he knows that his face gave him away, just like predicted.
Eddie stands up then, suddenly no longer feeling festive, and he’s just about to leave the room quietly and head into the outdoor garden for a moment when he catches Buck’s eyes over Tommy’s shoulder. He’s watching Eddie, but his hands are on Tommy, and Eddie can tell that Tommy is whispering something into his ear. Eddie gives him a soft smile, one that doesn’t quiet reach his eyes, and he turns to walk out the door without looking back to see if Buck is still watching him leave.
He crosses his arms and leans against the nearest wall, closing his eyes and gaining his composure.
“You were right,” Hen’s voice is quiet next to him. He opens his eyes to see her mirroring him, leaning against the wall with her own arms crossed. “You can’t control your face.”
“Does everyone know?”
Hen shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Does Buck know?”
Hen is quiet for a moment, and her voice is even softer. “Maybe,” she says again. “I don’t know.”
Eddie breathes in the crisp night air, and he doesn’t know when he’ll be able to take a full deep breath again without feeling like his chest is constricting.
“I should get back in there,” he says, scrubbing a hand across his face. “Sorry you keep having to come after me.”
Hen watches him silently as Eddie stands upright.
“Eddie,” she says seriously, stopping him in his tracks. “You know I love you, right?”
Eddie blinks at her, annoyed but the sudden tears springing into his eyes. “I know.”
“We all love you,” she goes on. “And you deserve to be happy, too.”
“Not at his expense.”
She’s silent again, but only for a moment. “And why are your happiness and his happiness mutually exclusive? What if they’re the same?”
Eddie looks at her for one long, quiet moment, before walking back into the venue, unsure of what to do with that.
He sighs and gets another drink, sipping it in the corner until Buck all but trots over to him. Eddie notes that Tommy isn’t anywhere to be seen.
“Dance with me,” Buck says as a Backstreet Boys song starts playing on the speaker. “They’re your favorite, come on.”
Not mutually exclusive, he thinks as Buck does a dorky jig next to him.
But Buck is smiling, and the Backstreet Boys are singing “Am I original?” and Buck lets out a long “Yeahhhhhh!” in tune with them, and Eddie thinks that maybe, this is enough for now. The rest can wait.