Work Text:
Diluc was constantly terrified.
After what had happened a couple of months ago, how could he not be?
'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,' the doctors called it. They said that he could take medicine for it, but other than that, no treatment would immediately rid him of all his symptoms. Crepus assured him that it would be okay, that it would get better, but it hasn't, even with the medicine.
He tried to go back to normal. He really tried, but no matter what, those memories still haunted him. Every loud nose made him flinch. Every time he saw or smelled blood, his stomach twisted, and his mouth watered as he fought the urge to vomit. Every time he was in the dark, his heart began to pound, and the blackness made him think of the monster.
It was hard to hide his fears.
He was only 13. How was he supposed to know how to hide them?
The nightmares didn't help in his efforts to hide the effects of the trauma he experienced. He woke up screaming in the middle of the night, limbs flailing as he scrambled to get away, sweating and gagging as images flashed in his mind over and over again. Crepus often found him either in the bathroom throwing up or puking on the wood floors in an attempt to go and hide. The nightmares were less frequent now but still prevalent and violent.
The sound the monster made echoed in his mind. It was a scream that was… somewhat human, but not at the same time. When they had first heard it, they mistook it for a human. But then they listened. They really listened. And then the scream repeated. It was the same snippet of a scream played as if it were a record being played repeatedly. It made his skin crawl, and he could do nothing to stop it.
Varka had allowed him to return to work but didn't let him go on any more missions. It was too dangerous since Diluc may "get flashbacks and be unable to complete it." Diluc didn't believe it. He thought Varka was just trying to find a way to keep him doing tedious work after Father yelled at him for asking questions at the wrong time. Varka had apologized to Diluc a week after his memories had recovered, and Diluc forgave him because he felt he had to if he wanted to keep his job.
Everyone had been different since then. Of course, when the teen couldn't remember anything for weeks, they treated him like a child, but even now, they still treated him differently. As if he would lash out. As if he was dangerous
They all said, "We know," or, "We understand," But they didn't. No one understood what happened. None survived the attack; he was the only one who lived to remember the tale. They understood that he saw his friends die, but they didn't understand how he saw them die. He tried to explain, but it was hard to explain how gruesome it was. There were no words for it. Maybe there was, but when he tried to explain, he started getting anxious and nauseous and couldn't talk about it anymore.
Diluc hated it.
He just wanted to know why it happened. He wanted to know what that thing was and why it attacked them. He wanted to know why it didn't kill him — why he was the only one who was still alive. His therapist, Miss Anne, helped him cope with these thoughts, but it didn't stop them. It didn't answer his questions.
Diluc just wanted to know why.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
"Happy Birthday to you!"
"Go on, blow out your candles, 'Luc!"
Diluc smiled and blew out the 14 candles before him. Crepus patted his shoulders, kissing the crown of his head. Jean, Kaeya, Adelinde, and Varka were all there to celebrate with him. He specifically requested not to have many people since he didn't want it to be loud.
"Happy Birthday, son," Crepus said with a smile. Kaeya rushed to him with his gift, and Diluc could tell he was nervous. He took his present from his brother, carefully opening it to see a painting. It was a picture of Crepus, Kaeya, and him on the beach. It wasn't professionally done, but it damn well might be. It was so realistic, and Diluc smiled at the sight of them all smiling together in the painting.
He couldn't remember the last time he truly smiled like that.
Diluc got up and engulfed his brother in a hug despite Kaeya shaking his head and begging him not to hug him. He wasn't the biggest fan of physical touch, and Diluc knew that, but how was he not supposed to hug him after he made this painting?
After all the gifts had been opened, Varka was the only one left, standing at the end of the table with his arms crossed.
"Crepus, do you mind if I talk to Diluc outside for a few minutes?" He asked, and Crepus nodded. Diluc hesitantly followed the Grand Master out of the kitchen and out the two wooden doors. The sun was setting now, and the sky was a gorgeous mix of orange and pink. The teen looked up at the Grand Master, who looked out on the grapevines with a smile gracing his features.
"Diluc, I would like you to know how much I respect you and your work effort," Varka said, looking down at him, "You've always been a hard worker and have never slacked off even once. Even after the incident, you returned to work and did as much as possible."
"Thank you, Grand Master," Diluc said, butterflies flying around his stomach. Varka pat him on the back and looked at him.
"That's why I would like to make you Calvary Captain."
Diluc felt his heart drop, eyes widening as his headshot to look at Varka.
"Calvary Captain?"
"Calvary Captain." Varka reiterated, and Diluc didn't know what to say. He stared at him in shock, a million thoughts running through his brain. "I thought it would be nice to tell you on your birthday. It's my birthday present to you," Varka explained, and Diluc remained in shock, mouth opened as he tried to think of what to say.
"But- But there must be other qualified candidates for the job. I mean- I'm only 13-"
"14."
"14! I can't possibly be your first choice," He said, and the Grand Master raised a brow.
"You don't want the job?"
"No! No, that's not what I mean. I just- Are you sure you want me as Calvary Captain?" Diluc asked, putting a hand on his chest. It didn't feel real at all. The fact that Varka wanted to make him Calvary Captain shocked him to his core.
"I'm sure, Diluc. Calvary Captain Frederick retired a few days before the incident. I was planning on telling you then, but you know what happened, and I was still deciding between my candidates."
"Who was supposed to get it over me?"
"It was between you and Tanner, but..." Varka trailed off, and Diluc felt his throat tighten as unwanted memories came flooding back to him.
That's right. Tanner was supposed to be named Calvary Captain. Varka had told Diluc that he might make Tanner Calvary Captain, and Diluc agreed and recommended him. He had more experience and was older than Diluc by four years, and he would fit the role perfectly.
Well, would've.
But then that thing ripped out his spine.
That left Diluc. The one that got away.
Diluc's smile faltered, but he hugged Varka, vigorously shaking his hand and thanking him before rushing inside to tell Father. Varka smiled and shook his head before following the boy inside, hearing those celebrating all beginning to congratulate Diluc.
But he saw the look in his eyes when he told him Tanner was the other candidate. He knew Diluc felt guilty, but he wouldn't confront him. Not now, maybe not ever.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
Diluc shut the door behind him as soon as he entered his room. Everyone had already left the Winery, and Kaeya, Crepus, and Adelinde had all gone to bed. His bottom lip quivered, and tears flooded his eyes as he slid down against the back of the door and sobbed silently.
Tanner was supposed to be Calvary Captain, not him. He wasn't even supposed to be here. That monster was so close to killing him before the Fatui finally showed up and intervened. He remembered seeing them walk right past him as he lay beside Captain Lane's mauled and mutilated corpse, hugging himself and hyperventilating as he bled from his leg. They thought he would die anyway and walked right by him, capturing the monster and dragging it away. It screamed as it was pulled away, the same scream over and over and over again.
Diluc covered his ears as he cried, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to stay silent.
He should be grateful that Varka gave him this opportunity to be Captain. He would now be named the youngest Calvary Captain in the history of the Ordo and get a chance to prove himself.
The only reason he became Captain was that he couldn't save them—couldn't save any of them—and now he gets to reap the horrible benefits of being Captain.
Diluc hated this. He hated being made Captain. He didn't want it; he just wanted answers.
At least it would make Father happy, and that's all that matters.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
It had been four years since that day, three years since he was named Calvary Captain. Diluc was 17 now and still hadn't gotten any answers.
Ever since he was made Captain, he did everything he could to try and find something — anything — to explain what happened that day. But he always came up empty-handed.
Varka forbade him from going out to the border again. The Knights had surveyed the area multiple times since then and found nothing new.
Diluc felt like he was going crazy.
Now that it was December and it was dark out, he started getting paranoid again. There was this nagging feeling that he had to check the border and that something was there, but Varka said it would be a waste of time and resources whenever he asked. He dismissed it as a closed case. The Fatui failed to reveal any information about it, making Diluc furious. He felt like he needed to check and see for himself.
So he made a plan to go check. By himself.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
Diluc shouldn't have done this.
He should've told Kayea or Crepus where he was going. He told Kaeya he was heading to work early, skipping breakfast and rushing out the door, but he then headed off into Wolvendom, leaving his horse in the stables. He realized after he had left that he had forgotten to take his medicine, but it was too late now. Crepus would wonder why Varka wanted him to come in early, and Diluc wasn't a good liar.
Father would've tried to stop him, and he couldn't have that. He had to do this for his sanity.
Diluc trudged through the woods, cutting down bushes and branches with his Claymore as he made his way to the border. He looked around cautiously, adjusting his coat and gloves as a gust of wind made him shiver. Snow crunched beneath his boots, and he used his Pyro to heat up his hands. His anxiety got worse, and he began to jump at every slight noise that he heard.
Diluc eyed the old claw marks decorating the trees, knowing he was approaching the clearing where they had been attacked. He began to shake, his heart racing as he looked around for any sign of the monster. He made it to the clearing, swallowing hard and looking around for anything new. He could look into Snezhnaya, maybe even cross the border, but wouldn't dare walk on their soil unless he had to.
Then he heard it.
The scream.
He stopped dead in his tracks and listened, waiting for it to repeat. When it did, he dropped his Claymore and returned the way he came.
Diluc ran as fast as he could, looking over his shoulder for any sign of the thing, but he couldn't see it, only hear it. He didn't stop to listen, continuing to run toward home. He needed to warn them. He needed to warn his family and Varka. He couldn't be the last man standing. Not again. Not after-
Diluc's foot caught on ice, and he slipped, causing him to tumble down a steep hill. He covered his head, shutting his eyes and letting himself fall. His arm caught on something sharp, cutting into his skin and yanking him up before he kept falling, and he winced at the sharp pain he felt when he pulled it close to his chest. His gloves managed to come off as he tried to stop himself, along with the scarf he had with him. The redhead finally hit a tree, stopping him dead in his tracks. He groaned and pushed himself to his feet, panting and using the tree to balance himself as he caught his breath. He stood there for a second before stumbling away and continuing to run. His sense of direction was distorted now, but that didn't matter. He could still hear the scream. He needed to hide. Now!
A fallen tree had a small hole beneath it, which he slotted himself in, covering himself with leaves and clasping a hand over his mouth. If it couldn't hear him, it wouldn't find him.
Diluc looked around as best he could, waiting for it to appear so he could get a good look at it, but it didn't. He only heard the scream. It echoed throughout the forest, and Diluc had to stifle his cries, covering his mouth with both hands. His left arm ached with pain shooting through it, but he was too scared to check it for more injuries. He was so tired. He just wanted to go home.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
Crepus was trying not to panic, but it wasn't going well.
His eldest had left early this morning at 6, saying he needed to do something for Varka. He thought everything was fine, but when Kaeya left and returned an hour later, stating that Diluc wasn't at the Knight's HQ and had never checked into work, he immediately began to panic. His horse was in the stables, and the hunters at Springvale said that they hadn't seen him pass by when they were leaving to hunt early this morning, which narrowed down where he could be but also led to many questions. Where had he gone? Was he kidnapped? Was he on Dragonspine? Wolvendom?
Varka had already sent his men out to look for Diluc, starting with Wolvendom. The Grand Master had set up in Dawn Winery in case Diluc returned unexpectedly. Crepus had been pacing for hours, chewing his fingernails till they bled. Kaeya had gone out on two search and rescue missions to Dragonspine and came up empty-handed both times. It was afternoon now, and there hadn't been any sign of him since the morning.
Two Knights walked into the Winery, saluting to the Grand Master before one stepped forward.
"Sir, we just checked Wolvendom, and there has been no sighting of him."
"Did you go to the shared border with Snezhnaya?" Varka asked, and the Knights stammered before shaking their heads no. He scowled, "If you don't thoroughly patrol Wolvendom to the border this time, you better pray the Anemo Archon wakes up to save you from my wrath." The Grand Master snapped, and the two nodded before rushing out. Crepus pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut as a headache washed over him.
"Do you truly think he went to Wolvendom after what happened?" Crepus asked, and Varka sighed, reluctantly nodding.
"He has been consistently asking me to survey the area recently, and I have denied his request since no new information has turned up related to the incident or suggesting that the monster is back on the loose after four years," Varka explained, shaking his head, "But knowing that boy, he went out there because he's still scared and confused. He wants answers to what happened." He said. The man hesitated before getting up and grabbing his gloves, coat, hat, and sword.
"You stay here in case he comes back. I doubt those two Knights will survey that whole area well, so I'm joining them," Varka grumbled, and Crepus nodded, watching him leave. He ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down, but his anxiety ate away at him. What if he was hurt? What if he was kidnapped? What if he went too far and got lost?
Crepus took another deep breath before heading upstairs. Maybe he could look around the Winery for any clues. Maybe, just maybe, Diluc left something that said where he was going.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
Diluc had been sitting there for a couple of hours, too scared to even consider moving.
He couldn't hear the scream anymore, but the monster had to be lurking close by, waiting for him to come out. He was shaking, still not looking at his arm. He knew it was horrid and mangled, but he didn't know how bad. He wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
Distantly, he heard his name being called, but he couldn't tell if it was a real person or if the monster had copied someone's voice. That had to be how the scream sounded as if it had been recorded and played back. But whose scream was it? He would probably never know.
The voices were getting closer, and he knew he had to run, or he wouldn't ever get out of this place. He squirmed out of his hiding spot, wincing as pain shot through his arm, before looking around before running toward home. At least in the direction, he thought home was.
As Diluc ran, he saw two Knights walking the opposite way, looking around. They didn't notice him, but he didn't care. He didn't have time to warn them. If the monster were still there, it would kill them before he could tell them to run. He ignored them and continued running.
Then he heard someone or something shriek.
It wasn't the same scream that had haunted his nightmares for the past four years, but it was enough to make Diluc stop and run left. His heart was pounding against his chest, and he hoped it wasn't coming after him. The cry could've come from a wounded animal or a hunter that got hurt, but he was so scared he didn't think about that. He was panting, eyes wide as he stumbled and looked over his shoulder.
The monster was back to kill him. It wanted to kill him for getting away. It knew he survived and needed him gone.
There were still so many things he wanted to do. He wanted to travel across Teyvat. He wanted to become Grand Master. He wanted to have his first drink. He wanted to witness his brother receiving a Vision. He wanted to-
Diluc ran face-first into someone's back.
They both fell, Diluc hitting his head on the ground and groaning in pain. He blinked hard, looking to see Varka knelt before him. There was a smile on his face, relieved to find him before he saw Diluc's state. His face was pale, eyes wide, and he was covered in minor scrapes and bruises, not to mention his arm. The skin on his forearm had peeled back, the cut deep enough to see the bone and bleeding out. Diluc was shaking badly, cheeks and nose red from the cold, fingertips beginning to get frostbite. He grasped Varka's shoulders and tried to explain what was wrong, but he kept stuttering and couldn't get the words out.
"What's wrong? Diluc, what is it?" He asked, and Diluc looked over his shoulder, seeing the two Knights rushing over to them.
"It's— It's the— the— It's back! I can't— It's going to kill me— I don't— I don't want to die!" Diluc stammered, getting to his feet and sprinting toward the Winery. Varka rushed after him, along with the two Knights who were out looking for him and heard the commotion. Diluc made it to a clearing, seeing the Winery in the distance and his Father and brother standing outside.
Diluc didn't hesitate to practically tackle his Father in a hug before hiding behind him, looking at the forest.
"Dad, I— I don't want to die; I can't! I can't! I'm— I'm too scared to die, please!" Diluc begged, sobbing as he hid his face in his hands, hidden behind Crepus. Crepus turned and held his son close, cautious of the wound on his arm. Kaeya quickly rushed to get Jean, who had gone inside to get something to eat, before she went to look for Diluc once more.
"Shh, it's okay. It's okay, Diluc. I promise you nothing is coming after you." Crepus reassured, looking behind him to see Varka and two other Knights running up to them. As soon as Varka made it, he motioned to Diluc, hysterically sobbing into Crepus' shoulder, shaking like a leaf. Varka nodded and swallowed hard, walking over to Diluc and gently touching his shoulder. The teen lifted his face, sniffling and looking at the Grand Master.
"Diluc, what were you hiding from?" He asked, and Crepus shot him a look, which Varka ignored. This wasn't the time to ask questions, but Varka didn't care.
"The— The monster! I— I heard the scream, that terrible scream, and I— I knew it was coming after me! It wants me dead because I'm the only one who survived!" Diluc rambled, pushing his hair out of his face and pointing at the forest. Varka and Crepus looked at the two Knights who had gone into the forest, who stared at Diluc as if he had three heads.
"Sir, we didn't see or hear anything both times we checked," one said, looking to Varka and then his partner, who nodded. Diluc furrowed his brows, shaking his head and looking down.
"No, no, no! You're lying! You have to be! I— I know I heard something!"
"There was a scream, but it came from a hunter who got his foot stuck in a trap, but he had a hunting partner, so he's going to be fine," the other Knight explained, and Diluc said nothing. The Knight looked down and winced, pointing to Diluc's arm. The redhead looked down at his arm, and upon seeing how much he bled and the bone of his forearm, he promptly stepped back before passing out.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
Diluc jolted awake, eyes shooting open.
He shot up in his bed, sweating from a nightmare and looking around frantically. It was dark. It was so dark and black, and he couldn't see anything and— Oh gods, the thing was back to kill him—
Kaeya lit the lamp by his bedside and grabbed his shoulders, then his face, forcing him to focus on him.
"It's okay. It's okay. You're all right, 'Luc," Kaeya soothed, pulling him into a hug. Diluc took deep breaths before beginning to cry into his brother's shoulder, hiccuping and gripping the back of his shirt with one hand.
"Kae', I was so scared— I didn't know what to do to help them. I just— I was so scared." Diluc managed out, and Kaeya just nodded, holding him close and rubbing his back as he cried.
"It's okay, 'Luc. It's not your fault. None of it is," Kaeya said softly, making Diluc sob harder. He knew it wasn't his fault. He knew that, logically, what happened would've happened whether he had gone or not, but it didn't help the overwhelming guilt he felt.
It wasn't long before Crepus entered the room and joined his sons, allowing Diluc to let it out. He gently embraced him, holding him close and letting him cry into his shoulder. He quietly shushed him, running a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry— I'm so sorry—" Diluc managed out as Crepus comforted him.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, son. It's alright."
But Diluc felt like he had everything to be sorry for. He felt guilty for going to investigate. He felt guilty for being scared and hiding. He felt guilty for making everyone worry. He felt guilty for being so paranoid.
He felt guilty he was the only one who made it.
But Diluc didn't voice his thoughts as he cried into his Father's shoulder. Only the gods know how much it would upset him.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
Diluc hadn't thought about the incident in years. Now, he could only think about what happened to his Father and what he did to his brother that day. He could only keep moving forward.
Snezhnaya was cold — much than Mondstat's winters — and their jail cells were even more frigid.
Diluc was shivering and hugging himself as he sat curled up in the corner of his cell. At this point, he had been there for a few months and looked terrible. Bruises covered his body, and his injuries ranged from cuts on his back to water in his lungs to the split lip that seemed only to get worse. They had been feeding him as little as possible, making him grow skinny and frail.
All of the Harbingers hated him. They all wanted him dead, but the Tsarista was still deciding on his punishment. While she did, Dottore had other plans for him.
Traumatizing Diluc seemed to be his favorite thing to do. He would verbally abuse him, reminding him of his failure to protect his fellow Knights when he was 13 and his failure to defend his own Father. Sometimes, he would drug him so heavily that Diluc couldn't move to plug his ears and could only listen.
But now, he wasn't drugged when Dottore opened the door to his cell and forced him to get up and walk. He knew he would get hurt, but if he didn't cooperate, he would be hurt worse.
Diluc dragged his feet as he was being led into a secluded area of the facility. He could feel himself getting sick, his entire body aching with each movement, but Dottore didn't care, tugging on the chains attached to his handcuffs to pull him forward and into the room.
The room was large, containing a wide glass window that was elevated on the other side, and his Delusion lay in the center of the room. Dottore undid his handcuffs before exiting, locking the door behind him.
Diluc put the Delusion on, looking around cautiously to try and figure out what Dottore was planning. He launched chains at the door he had entered in, but it didn't budge.
Then, he heard a metal creak. He turned to see a large metal door beginning to open across the room.
That's when he saw it.
The monster. The same beast that attacked him all those years ago.
He had never got a good look at it back then, but now that he was seeing it, he was glad he never did. Its body wasn't human but wasn't animal. The bones of its body were prominent, practically sticking out of the skin. Its skin was dark, contrasting with its wide, pale eyes. Its limbs were elongated, fingers stretched to form sharp claws. Its mouth was open wide—as if its jaw was dislocated—and Diluc could see the rows of teeth lining its mouth. It saw him, turning to look at him before it screamed.
It wasn't the same scream as it was all those years ago. It was someone else's scream. Diluc immediately rushed to the door he had entered and began pounding on it, screaming and begging Dottore to let him go.
"No! Dottore, let me out! Please! I'll do anything!" Diluc screamed, looking over his shoulder at the thing. He was trembling and paused when he heard the thing go quiet. It stared at him, eyes wide and mouth gaping before it began to scream again.
Only this time it was his terrified scream.
Diluc shuddered, covering his ears and curling into himself. He needed to fight but was so scared he didn't want to move. The Delusion whispered to him, but he couldn't hear it. His hearing became static, and he gagged, moving a hand to cover his mouth while memories replayed in his mind.
Get up.
He heard the heavy chains keeping the monster in place unlock and hit the ground. He shut his eyes and hugged himself, accepting his fate to die by the monster's claws.
Get up! You must fight!
This would be how he died. It was a fitting death for him. He hoped Kaeya wouldn't mourn him as much as Diluc had mourned Father.
Kaeya.
Get up and fight to see him again.
The monster was getting closer, and his eyes shot open. He turned and used the Delusion to summon chains before firing them at the beast. The thing screamed — still Diluc's scream — and struggled against the chains that wrapped around its body. As he got a better look, he could see that its mouth and face were slick with blood. He fought the urge to vomit as he thought of that day again, closing his left hand into a fist to force the chains to squeeze around its body harder. It struggled, flailing its limbs and managing to cut Diluc's chest, but it didn't stop him from summoning more chains. The chains dug into its skin, causing it to bleed, and it only cried out more, screams changing as it tried to get out of the situation it was in.
Eventually, the scream sounded like Tanner, but before he could kill it, Dottore opened the door, shooting it with a tranquilizer gun. He huffed and continued to squeeze it, but then the Harbinger pointed it at him.
"Don't you dare kill it, Ragnvindr." He ordered, and Diluc reluctantly dismissed the chains, cautiously walking over to the door. He glanced at the thing one more time, eyeing the blood around his mouth, and it wasn't more than a second later that he vomited in front of Dottore. That thing killed his friends, and he witnessed it. The Harbinger tugged the foul thing off his hand before stepping back, groaning at the sight of him puking.
"Why...?" Diluc managed, looking up at him through his brows. Dottore chuckled before beginning to cackle, leaning back and putting over his stomach.
"Why? Because it's fun for me! That's why!" Dottore explained as if it was apparent. He handcuffed Diluc's hands together when he was done puking, dragging him out of the room.
Diluc glanced back at the thing, watching its beady eyes slowly open and focus on him. Dottore slammed the door shut behind them, locking it. The beast slammed against it a second later, screaming and clawing at the door. Diluc stumbled back, falling over and crawling away from the door.
"The tranquilizer doesn't work for very long with it," Dottore explained before pushing him so he would begin to walk down the hallway.
"So what happened that day was your doing?" Diluc asked, voice rough and hoarse. The Doctor chuckled, shaking his head, but he didn't elaborate further. He just kept pushing Diluc to walk faster. When they arrived at Diluc's cell, Dottore shoved him inside and locked the door back. The redhead curled up in the corner, staring at the Doctor cautiously.
"I didn't mean for it to get loose that day," The Harbinger started, crossing his arms over his chest, "I just underestimated its strength after I modified it, and it broke out and ran to Mondstat for… some reason."
"You made it?" Diluc asked, and the Doctor nodded.
"Why, of course, I did. Who else in Mondstat could make something as beautiful as that?" Diluc let out a breathless laugh, shaking his head at 'beautiful' being used to describe it. He scowled at the Harbinger, getting up and grabbing the metal bars so he was inches away from his face.
"You killed them. Their deaths were all your fault," Diluc snapped, and Dottore only grinned. The redhead spat on his face, and the Doctor slowly wiped his face off before locking eyes with him.
"Don't think that you weren't blameless that day. We both know that you were too scared to fight." Dottore said before walking away. Diluc blinked before stepping back and thinking about what he had said. He swallowed hard, sitting in the corner and trying his hardest not to blame himself.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
Diluc never expected to make it out of there alive.
When the Tsarista pardoned him, he felt shocked and disappointed but said nothing. Dottore drugged him before they took him back to Mondstat, dropping him outside of Stone Gate with all of his belongings. He managed to drag himself to Dawn Winery and fell unconscious on the wood floor, then woke up to a healer and Adelinde by his side.
It took a while before he and Kaeya finally talked about what happened on his 18th birthday, and when they did, things somewhat returned to normal.
Somewhat.
The trauma from being Dottore's prisoner still haunted him at night. He would be unable to fall asleep, too scared the beast would come back to finally—finally—kill him or that he would wake up on Dottore's table. Diluc worked like a dog to keep himself from thinking about it. He didn't tell anyone that he had reencountered the monster. He didn't want them to panic, even if he was struggling with the trauma.
To reconcile their relationship a little more (and to please Adelinde), Diluc invited Kaeya over to eat dinner at Dawn Winery, which he immediately accepted when Diluc reminded him that Adelinde would be cooking. Kaeya arrived early, per usual, and began chatting it up with Adelinde while Diluc listened. In the past, the roles would be reversed. But not now. Not ever again. Diluc didn't have much he wanted to talk about.
"Dinner is served!" Adelinde said, placing a plate in front of each of the brothers. Diluc smiled and nodded to her, while Kaeya's jaw dropped, staring at the meal in awe. It was a nice steak that was beautifully arranged and seasoned perfectly.
"Adelinde, can I hire you to be my personal chef?" Kaeya asked, and Diluc raised a brow. Before Diluc could say anything, she chuckled and patted Kaeya's shoulder, shaking her head no.
"Well, we wouldn't want to leave poor Master Diluc alone now, would we?" She said, and Diluc smirked at Kaeya, who dramatically groaned before digging into his meal. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed his brother's company.
"He was alone for 4 years. He would be fine," Kaeya said, and Diluc's movements faltered, but no one noticed. He just put on a smile and nodded at the comment. He hadn't told Kaeya about his time away, despite Kaeya poking and prodding him to tell him anything about it. So, anytime he mentioned it around others, he just shrugged it off and tried to think of something else.
But now, when he looked down at the blood-red meat of the steak, he felt sick.
He picked at his food and moved it to make it seem like he had eaten. He talked more than usual so that Adelinde and Kaeya wouldn't notice, and he could distract himself, maybe even forget about it, but the thought wouldn't go away.
The distant boom of thunder made Diluc flinch and stop mid-conversation. He turned to look out the window. The sky was dark, and he could see the rain in the distance. He stared out the window at the rain and the darkness accompanying it, swallowing hard and beginning to dissociate.
"Luc," Kaeya said, gently taking his hand. Diluc blinked hard and shook his head, looking at his brother. "Are you okay?" he asked, and the redhead nodded, hesitantly putting his napkin from his lap onto the table.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just lost my appetite, is all," Diluc explained. Adelinde frowned at the sight of the storm but suddenly turned and gasped.
"Master Kaeya, that means you must stay here tonight!" Adelinde said. Kaeya stammered, looking between her and Diluc, but before he could politely decline, she put her hands on her hips. "I am not letting you go out into that storm just to catch a cold," she said, and Kaeya quickly nodded. She smiled and gently clapped her hands together. "I'll clean up here. Master Diluc, show Master Kaeya to his old room."
"I still have my old room?" Kaeya asked, looking at his brother, who avoided eye contact and began to go up the stairs. The Captain grinned and followed him, roughly patting his back. "Aw, you big sap! I knew you couldn't get rid of my stuff." He teased, and Diluc shoved him. Kaeya quickly pushed him right back, and it wasn't long until they were trying to shove each other to the ground so they could win.
"Boys!" Adelinde called, and they both immediately stopped, but both had a smile on their face. Diluc opened the door to Kaeya's room, precisely how Kaeya had left it. He watched his little brother walk into the room and look around, smiling at all the nostalgic items before clearing his throat.
"I'm gonna wash up and head to bed. Let me know if you need anything, alright?" Diluc told him, and Kaeya nodded but didn't look at him, too infatuated with his childhood items. The redhead covered his mouth as he chuckled before walking to his room.
✠ ✠ ✠ ✠
Diluc was alone in the forest. It was dark, and he couldn't see far into the forest without seeing darkness. There was a loud scream, and he flinched, turning around to see that nothing was there. He couldn't locate the source of the screaming, eyes wide, as he tried to find something to explain what was happening.
A second later, he heard footsteps rushing toward him. He turned to see the monster running at him, mouth wide and ready to mangle his body before it ate him. Diluc began to run, not daring to look over his shoulder. He ran through the dark forest, panting and sweating as he tried to escape it. The screaming got louder and louder, and he couldn't stop running, and he knew it was getting closer, and then-
Diluc stumbled into an open clearing, looking around frantically to see Captain Lane and the rest of the group he was with that day.
"No- No!" Diluc blinked, and they were all dead right in front of him. His breath caught in his throat, and he looked down to see blood covering the front of his torso. His hands were wet with blood, and he looked down to see Tanner's lifeless eyes staring up at him. He saw one of the Knights he was with crawling away from him, fatally wounded but trying to escape.
"You killed them!" The Knight managed out, coughing up blood. Diluc shook his head and looked around for any sign of the monster but couldn't find any.
It was just him.
He got them killed that day. It was all his fault, and he could never repay his debt.
" I- I didn't kill them! I didn't kill anyone!" Diluc shouted, but no one replied. He looked around more at all the bodies and noticed there were also members of the Fatui whom he had brutally murdered during his time away. "Oh gods-"
Diluc backed away before he felt claws slowly wrap around his neck, making him stop dead in his tracks. He slowly moved to look up and saw the monster staring down at him. It hesitated before lunging to bite off his head and-
Diluc woke up screaming and scrambling off the bed. He reached back to balance himself, turning to crawl away, but he didn't realize how close to the edge of his bed was, and he fell off, hitting his face against the ground. He groaned and pushed himself up, looking around for signs of the monster, but it was pitch black. He was drenched in sweat, wiping off his face and checking for any blood on him, but the only blood was coming from his nose. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the blood on his hand, even if it was a small amount.
Diluc quickly got up, despite being disoriented, and grabbed the knife from under his pillow, holding it up. He looked around, panting and blinking hard. He couldn't see anything, but when he bumped into his side table, he blindly swung the knife, hoping to hit the monster, but" hit nothing.
Diluc backed up until he hit a wall, waiting for something to appear. The rain outside hit the window hard, and the thunder only scared him more.
"Where are you?" he mumbled, shaking his hands as he held the knife up with shaky hands. "Where the hell are you?!" When lightning flashed, illuminating the room, something on the ground caught his eye. He threw his knife at it, waiting for a sound from the thing, maybe a shrill scream, but it never came. Slowly, he walked over to see he had thrown his knife at a pile of clothes on the floor.
"Diluc?" Someone said, putting a hand on his shoulder. He didn't recognize the voice, so he immediately shoved the hand off of him and rushed to the other side of the room. If he hadn't been so panicked, he would've recognized it as Kaeya's voice.
"No! No—Please! Get away from me!" Diluc screamed, now vulnerable and defenseless. He couldn't stop the tears that fell from his eyes. "Please—Please!" he begged, making himself as small as possible and pressing himself into a corner.
There was static in his ears, the thunder only getting louder and louder outside. He covered his ears and hid his face, hoping this was all a dream, and he was going to wake up sometime soon. But the person was still talking to him. They were probably shaming him for what he did, blaming him for causing so many deaths.
"I couldn't save them— I couldn't! I'm sorry! I didn't want to kill those people; I didn't have a choice! I didn't—" Diluc sobbed, making Kaeya pause, staring at him in shock. "I didn't have a choice! I didn't! I didn't!" He kept crying, tears streaming down his face. The younger quickly snapped out of his daze, but his brother's words lingered in the back of his mind. He knelt before him, gently taking his wrists and pulling them away from his face.
"Diluc!" Kaeya shouted, and Diluc finally raised his head and recognized him. He hugged the redhead, holding him tight while he sobbed. Diluc squeezed him, gripping the back of his shirt and hiding his face. "It's okay. It's alright. Nothing is out to get you." Kaeya reassured, leaning against the wall while Diluc cried into his shoulder.
Adelinde cautiously entered the room and began lighting candles after seeing Kaeya comforting Diluc. Diluc was rambling, but his words were nonsensical and mumbled, hard to understand. Kaeya slowly moved to sit him upright, holding his hands as he sniffled and tried to calm down.
"Diluc, what happened? What's wrong?" Kaeya asked, making eye contact with him even though Diluc wouldn't—no, couldn't— meet his eye.
"I— The monster— It— Dottore made me fight it—He— I saw it— I mean Ireally saw it. I— I killed all those members, and I— I got the Knights that were there with me that day killed—"
"Diluc, slow down—"
"Its mouth was wide open and covered with blood, and its eyes were white, and its body was—" Diluc covered his mouth as he gagged, quickly getting up and running to the bathroom. He fell to his knees in front of the toilet before eventually throwing up. Kaeya was quick to be by his side, pulling his hair out of his face with one hand and rubbing his back with the other. Diluc gasped and panted, eyes wide as he remembered.
"Dottore made it. He made it, and he— he wanted me dead, so he made me face it! He put me in a room with it and made me fight it, and I was so scared I couldn't even think!" Diluc rambled, turning to look up at Kaeya, "It copied my scream! It was screaming, but my scream was coming out of its mouth! I— I—"
"Diluc, stop!" Kaeya shouted, and he flinched, looking at him with wide eyes. The younger grabbed his shoulders, holding them tight. "Diluc, you have to calm down. Take some deep breaths, okay?" Kaeya said, and Diluc nodded, taking a deep, shaky breath. He followed Kaeya, taking deep breaths, but it wasn't long before he began weeping again, although this time, he wasn't panicking.
"I'm tired of this, Kaeya. I hate being scared. I can't do this anymore," he admitted, sniffling and wiping his face. Kaeya got a washcloth and wet it with water before gently wiping under Diluc's nose, where he had bled, and around his mouth.
"Diluc, do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" Kaeya asked. His voice wasn't laced with mockery or ill intentions, and he looked genuinely worried. It was stupid to be watched over until he fell asleep. He was a grown man. He really shouldn't be having people do this for him. He should be able to fall asleep by himself.
Despite all that, Diluc nodded, slowly getting up with Kaeya and gripping his hand as they walked back to Diluc's room. Adelinde had picked up everything off the floor and gotten a glass of water for him. The blinds were closed, and the closet door was sealed shut. The candles by his bedside were lit, which would help if he ever got up during the night again. He glanced at the clock to see it was around 12:30 and felt nothing but guilt for waking them up.
"Thank you, Addie," Diluc mumbled. She smiled at him before kissing his cheek and pushing hair out of his face. He sat in bed, getting himself comfortable, before Kaeya lay next to him. Adelinde smiled and hummed at the sight of them before leaving them be, shutting the door behind her. The rain had calmed down now and was relatively peaceful. Dilud was beginning to get tired enough to rest before Kaeya shifted to look at him.
"Do you want to talk about it now or tomorrow morning?" He asked the dreaded question, and the redhead sighed, not wanting to pick either choice, and Kaeya could tell. "Fine. Let's talk about it tomorrow morning so you can get some rest, okay?" He said, and Diluc nodded.
"Kae'?"
"Hm"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, 'Luc. Get some rest now. You're safe."
Diluc shut his eyes and relaxed, finally getting a good night's sleep for the first time since that day.