Work Text:
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●
Merlin has always been such a closed off person. No one ever understood him, his needs, or his wants. They'll just take one good look at him and decide he's not worth it. The love, attention, and company.
"It's no you, it's me." His third failed blind date uttered.
"I understand." Merlin said bluntly.
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●
One day at the office, they had a new employee. His name is Arthur, a gorgeous blond. Everybody loved Arthur, even Merlin himself. He couldn't help it, Arthur is perfect.
"Everyone, this is Arthur." Merlin's boss introduced.
"Hi." Arthur waved.
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●
Merlin watched Arthur he learned a lot from observing him. Arthur liked to drink his tea sweet, he bit his bottom lip when he's concentrating on his office work, and he always threw his head while he laughed.
On a regular Tuesday afternoon, Arthur spoke to Merlin for the first time. Merlin was as shocked as anyone else on the office. Arthur ignored all the office whispers and glances. Arthur was kind and collected. He wanted to know Merlin, for who he truly was. Arthur cared about him and that's all that mattered to Merlin.
"I'm Arthur," Arthur's bright eyes blinded Merlin.
"Merlin." Merlin answered quietly.
"Do you want to grab some coffee later? Or hang out?"
Merlin was lost for words, he nodded his head in replacement.
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●
Day after day, Merlin and Arthur spent time together. Their co-workers started to treat it as normal behavior. Merlin was at his finest, Arthur helped him talk to others. He became friends with Guinevere. Arthur liked Gwen, Merlin never hurt so bad in his life.
"Do you think she'll say yes if I ask her out?" Arthur wondered.
No. Is what Merlin wanted to say. But he replied "Anyone would say yes to face like that."
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●
Gwen and Arthur started dating after that. Merlin wondered if he told Arthur 'no' he wouldn't have asked Gwen out and took a hint to ask him instead. Since that day Merlin knew his chance was long gone.
Merlin held back his feelings. Arthur was happy which made him happy. Deep down Merlin knew Gwen isn't right for Arthur. She's sweet, but her eyes wondered.
"Gwen, you've been daydreaming a lot lately." Arthur asked her. "You alright?"
"Just thinking." She replied her eyes not meeting Arthur's.
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●
After three months, two weeks, 4 days, 17 hours, 45 mintues, and 7 seconds Gwen and Arthur broke up. Arthur was devistated, Merlin acted to be shocked but he knew better. Love isn't real. No for him not, not even for Arthur.
Merlin did his best trying to bring out the bright side of Arthur back, but obviously his best isn't enough. It never is. Arthur started drinking himself to sleep, Merlin had to stay until Arthur threw up. Merlin didn't want him to choke.
"Why am I not good enough?" Arthur choked out one night. "Will I ever be?"
"You are good enough, Arthur." Merlin wiped his mouth with a towel. "Gwen just ignored to see that."
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●
Arthur didn't show up for work for three days on end. Merlin wanted to check up on him, after the first day but decided to wait it out. Arthur was better. . Well, slightly better now, he drank less.
Merlin parked his car outside of Arthur's small house. He knocked three times. No answer, Merlin came around here often to know where the well hidden spare key is.
"Arthur?" Merlin called out. Arthur's place was a mess, that ticked something off in Merlin's brain. The closer he got to Arthur's room his breath escaped his lungs. His heart pounding so loudly in his chest he could barely think.
Merlin stood in his tracks and gasped. Arthur was in the bathroom floor, bleeding out of his wrists. Arthur was completely lifeless. Dead.
"No, no!" Merlin dropped to the floor, crawling to Arthur's beautiful form. "Why? You were getting better."
Merlin fixed Arthur's hair out of his eyes. Drained, lifeless eyes. With one swift movement of his hand, he closed Arthur's eyes.
"Rest, my lover." Merlin's vision blurred from his tears.
With a first and final kiss to Arthur's lips, Merlin carried him off the floor. Merlin placed Arthur into his bed, pulling the blankets atop of him.
"Goodnight, Arthur." Merlin walked out the room. "I hope your happy now. I never really could make you happy. Heaven should be greatful they have you, ya know? You deserve everything and more."
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●
Next day at the office, a couple of police officers were waiting for Merlin. He barely resisted, he knew what he was doing when he carried Arthur to his bed, when he kissed him, when he closed his eyes.
The whispers were barely whispers.
"I'm not surprised?" Said one.
"I bet he was caught for drugs," Said another.
"Merlin," the officer announced "you are under arrest for the murder of Arthur Pendragon."
Gasps and crying filled the office. Merlin kept eyes contact to a minimum as the officers escorted him out.
Merlin thrown into the back seat of the sqaud car, he couldn't bring himself to regret leaving his finger prints all over Arthur's body. Because after all, a life without love isn't a life worth living. Maybe, one day he'll join Arthur. Maybe then they can be together.
Merlin can only hope.
○ ● ○ ● ○ ●