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Buck was going crazy. He had been going crazy for days. It had all started when he first saw it. He thought he must have been going crazy. There was no way he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. There was no way Eddie had a tattoo he didn’t know about. There was no way Eddie got a tattoo and didn’t tell Buck about it. He must be going crazy.
Because there was no way in hell that Eddie actually had a secret tattoo under his watch. It must have been dirt or something. Maybe a scratch even. Or a pen mark. It was not a tattoo.
But then Eddie had his watch off the next day and there was no arguing that Eddie had a secret tattoo on the inside of his wrist. What made Buck even crazier was that it was perfectly healed. There was no bandage on it. There was no blood. Eddie wasn’t paying any attention to it. It was healed. It couldn’t have been new.
So when did he get it? How long had he had it? How long had Buck not been paying attention? How long had he been keeping this from Buck?
Okay, keeping was a strong word. This has nothing to do with you , Buck reminded himself. This was not about him. Eddie was not going out of his way to hide anything from Buck. He probably just forgot to bring it up.
But wasn’t that the issue? Eddie told him everything. Why had this slipped his mind? Was it just not a big deal to him? Maybe it just wasn’t that big of a deal. Just a silly little tattoo.
Except Buck knew that couldn’t be the case. Not for Eddie. Not at this point in his life. Eddie was in therapy. Eddie was nesting. Eddie was thinking about everything he did. Eddie, this Eddie, did not just do things to do them. He thought and he panicked and he thought again.
So if Eddie got a tattoo, within what Buck could only guess was about six week ago, it had to mean something. Now Buck just had to figure out what that was.
The next time Buck got a good look at the tattoo, he was finally able to make out the details. It was three letters, spread out, not close enough to be a word. Just three letters. E C E. That was it. Just E C E. Now what the fuck did that mean?
Early childhood education? Extreme climate environmentalist? Evil could eviscerate? Eddie cannot even? Literally what could it stand for?
This whole thing had been plaguing Buck’s mind for a week, and he couldn’t handle it anymore. It was now their designated pizza and beer hangout night at Eddie’s house, and Buck knew that he had all night to talk to Eddie about this. He could just casually bring it up.
Or he could do the most deranged thing possible, which was exactly what he did. As soon as Eddie offered him a beer, he grabbed Eddie’s wrist and pushed his watch to the side.
”What?” Eddie muttered, completely taken aback.
”What is this?” Buck asked, eyes wild. “You gotta tell me, man. It’s driving me crazy?”
Eddie let Buck hold his wrist as they both stood in the kitchen. “When did you see it?”
”A few day ago. It’s been driving me insane. When did you get it?” Buck asked, staring intently at it. “And what on Earth does it mean?”
”Do you maybe want to sit down on the couch or something?” Eddie offered. “Bring the pizza in there?”
”Eddie—“
”Buck, I will tell you whatever you want to know, but let’s just relax.You just got here. Sit down. Have something to eat and I’ll tell you everything,” Eddie assured him, and Buck finally dropped his wrist.
A few minutes later, they were settled on the couch, and they both down a piece of pizza an a beer each. Settled.
”Two months ago. Right when I got back with the 118,” Eddie explained. That made sense. That was when things started looking up for Eddie. That was when he started sleeping and smiling.
”Okay,” Buck murmured as Eddie took off his watch and offered his wrist out to Buck to look at it.
”I was talking to Frank about needing something to ground me when I have a panic attack. We talked about the idea of having something that would always be there to ground me. Something I can look at and feel,” Eddie explained, rubbing his finger over the tattoo.
”Can I?” Buck asked, already knowing the answer when Eddie smiled softly at him. Buck took his pointer finger and softly touched the letters. He slowly grabbed hold of Eddie’s whole wrist, rubbing his thumb over the letters as Eddie began to talk again.
”There’s only one thing I think about when I have panic attacks that grounds me. There was only one thing that I would ever consider getting this tattoo for,” Eddie explained. “E, C, E. That’s what calms me down. That’s what calms me down. Thinking about the three of us together.”
”What?” Buck breathed, thumb halting. “Who?”
”You, me, and Chris. Eddie, Christopher, Evan. The three of us. Our family. That's what keeps me going. That’s what I keep fighting for,” Eddie explained.
“Eddie, I—“
”I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I knew you would find it and ask, so I was just kind of waiting for it,” Eddie said, chuckling lightly. “And here we are. So…”
”So?”
”How do you feel about that?”
”How do I feel about you getting a tattoo that signifies you, me, and your son are a family? I feel a lot of things about it,” Buck whispered, looking down at the tattoo again. “I didn’t know it was that serious, Eddie. I wouldn’t have demanded to know if I knew.”
”I wanted you to know.”
Buck breathed. “I’m happy to be one of the things that grounds you, Eddie. And I’m happy that you fight to get back to me and Chris because you know that everything I do is to get back to the two of you. And you have no idea how much it means to me that you think of me as apart of your family because you and Chris are it for me too, Eddie. It’s the three of us for me too.”
“Yeah?” Eddie breathed out.
Buck nodded, lacing their fingers together. “Yeah. You’re it for me.”
“You want to get one too?” Eddie asked, eyes watering.
”Yeah,” Buck grinned, feeling crazy yet again. Eddie made him crazy. “Yeah, I’ll get a matching tattoo with you.”
Eddie smiled. “I cannot believe a few letters freaked you out so much. What did you think it meant?”
“Early childhood education?” Buck offered, shrugging. Eddie let out a hearty laugh. “This is much better though.”
“Our family is better than early childhood education? That’s a big thing to say,” Eddie replied, letting out a low whistle.
“You know what else is a big thing to say? I’m so in love with you it’s making me crazy,” Buck confessed, pulling Eddie forward by the hand that was still in Buck’s. “You make me crazy.”
“I know,” Eddie said with a laugh. “Why do you think I got you put on my body forever, Buck? I love you right back.”