Archive of Our Own ^beta

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r/relationship_advice
u/floatfloatmfers

I think my boyfriend is in love with his male best friend

Okay, it’s an odd title, I know, just hear me out because idk what to do.

I (21F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been dating for almost four years now and we live together. We were absolutely in love. Or, at least, I was absolutely in love with him. I still am. We went on dates weekly, we always hung out, he buys me flowers nad chocolates all the time. He’s super sweet and supportive, really he’s an amazing guy. Though, we’ve never really had much of a physical relationship. We kiss sometimes and in our four years together, we’ve only had sex a handful of times and, like, I really don’t mind. I found it nice at first, knowing that he wasn’t just using me for my body like a lot of guys do. Then after a year, I figured he just wasn’t really into PDA or physical touch in general. I mean, cuddling has never been a problem but I always have to initiate it.

Now, I’ve been starting to overthink things in our relationship and I’ve started to notice things I think have been obvious all along. My boyfriend, who we’ll call M, has a bestfriend (22M). We’ll call him B. Anyway, M and B have been friends for a very long time, like since they were kids. However, M and B stopped being friends for a while until halfway through high school, which is when they began to fix their friendship. I never thought anything of it because, well, they’re friends and I’m his girlfriend so, I didn’t really have anything to think of it. It’s not like M has really changed at all either, he’s just as caring as he was when we started dating, which is why I say that I’m pretty sure these things I’m starting to notice have been obvious all along.

These things include the fact that they not only work together and see each other while working, but B is constantly around and they’re always hanging out. Recently, I’ve started to notice that they’re constantly touching. Not in a weird way or anything, just small touches; it’s like their knees resting on each other while they sit on the couch, their shoulders brushing, M grabbing B’s hand to lead him somewhere, M falling asleep on B, and just stuff like that. Stuff that M doesn’t do with me unless I initiate it. They work long hours and then still want to see each other after that. M is always smiling when he’s around B. Well, M is always smiling in general but when B is around, it seems so much brighter. Looking back, I know these things have been going on since they rekindled their friendship. They’ve always been super close and, I guess, I just didn’t want to notice before.

There has been a turning point, though, which is what’s brought all this on. Obviously, like I said, there’s the whole overthinking in general but one moment a couple of weeks ago was kinda the moment I looked at the situation as a whole. It was on B’s birthday, he was having a party and he invited me and M. During the party, M is just attached to B the entire time. They’re linking arms, they’re leaning on each other, they’re talking and laughing, and like, to put it in perspective a bit more, B absolutely HATES people touching him. One time, in high school, I grabbed his hand and he blew up on me (quite literally, explosion based quirk) but when it’s M, it doesn’t matter. And, like, the way M looks at B, it’s like that man hung the stars in the sky and I don’t think M has ever looked at me in that way.

Please, don’t get me wrong. M is an absolutely amazing guy, he asks me about my day and he brings me flowers. He takes me out on dates, jokes around with me, buys me gifts, and he is really a good guy through and through and I only wish the best for him but it just hurts a little to know he’s in love with his best friend (I think, I’m pretty sure) and just sort of tolerates being with me. I wish he’d break up with me but he’s too good of a guy for that so I think I’m going to break up with him but I don’t know if I should. Also, M has always been sort of oblivious (I’m the one who asked him out) so I don’t even know if he realizes his feelings (I don’t think he’s ever even questioned his sexuality and if he has, he’s never told me that he’s anything but straight) and I’m wondering if I should point them out for him. I really love M, even if he doesn’t quite love me in the same way I do and I think that, if I point out his feelings, he would try to refuse it because he doesn’t want to hurt me. Also, it’s almost M’s birthday and I don’t want to hurt him right before that.

I’m a little stuck.

Update 1: Okay thank you guys so much for your advice!! I did break up with him (the day before his birthday and I felt so bad) and it was painful but definitely necessary, you guys were right. I should not have been keeping myself in that.

Another thing is that I did end up confronting him about his feelings for B and it seemed to click something in him when I told him he should tell B how he feels. He genuinely didn’t know he was in love with B. He thanked me for helping him realize and apologized profusely for putting me through all of this. We’re going to stay friends :)

Update 2: They got together and they are quite the amazing couple :)

Update 3: Okay okay, I can finally spill. There was a couple of you asking if I was Uravity and if “M was Deku (since our relationship was a public one) and this was pieced together by asking if the “B” in question was hero Dynamight because of the aforementioned explosion quirk but I just sort of let those questions get lost in the sea of comments because I, obviously, didn’t want to out them BUT they got married (I was there) and made their relationship public so, yes, hi. I’m Uravity and I spilled a whole lot of information about me and hero Deku in this post (which he knows about and his PR manager as well as mine already yelled at me for haha).

I really was not expecting this post to gather as much attention as it did.

Well, thank you guys?

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r/relationship_advice
u/psssst_MI07

My (ex) girlfriend broke up with me and told me to confess to my best friend

Alright, uh, I don’t really know how to do this but I figured I should try. I’m not normally a poster, I’m just an observer of reddit.

Basically, a few days ago, my now ex girlfriend (21F) broke up with me (22M) and told me that the reason for it was that I was in love with my best friend (22M). This came as a complete shock to me because not only did I think I was straight for the last 22 years of my life but I thought I was in a happy relationship with my gf, who we can go ahead and refer to using an O. I really just thought the way I acted with my best friend, K, was normal but O went ahead and told me that it’s definitely not. She says her and I can stay friends, I apologized like a million times because I feel so bad. I really thought I lvoed her and I think I do but like not in a romantic sense, not in the way she loves me. My love for her is platonic and I hate that it took me so long to realize because we’ve been dating since high school.

It really does make so much sense, though. O brought up a lot of good points when telling me about hwo I’m in love with K. I really never thought twice about the things she brought up but now that I have (thought twice and a million more times), it’s so obvious.

I’m in love with my best friend. And it’s terrifying.

Me and K have had a rocky past, we’ve known each other for a really long time and there was a huge bump in our friendship for a while around middle school, give and take. After that, though, I feel like we became closer than ever and I really don’t know how I didn’t realize I’m in love with him. I always want to be around him, he makes me feel comfortable.

I love being around O, too, but I feel like it’s just different. I don’t know how to explain it, I’m comfortable with O as a girlfriend, she’s an amazing girlfriend but I don’t get the butterflies in my stomach or the tingling. I don’t get antsy after I’ve been away from her for a while like I do with K. Like, sure, after being friends with K for so long, I’m comfortable around him but, like, it’s just difficult to explain. I get nervous around him in the best way possible and that’s never really happened with O. O says that she’s convinced he’s in love with me too, but I’m not so sure.

So, I guess, I’m just wondering what I should do. Do I tell K how I feel? Should I wait a little bit? Because I really don’t want to hurt O’s feelings. Do I wait to see if K confesses to me himself, that way I don’t have to worry?

Edit: Thank you all so much for all the kind words and advice, I was sure I’d be getting attacked because I feel so wrong in this entire situation. I was going to take all the advice you guys gave me but, then, on the day I was going to tell K about my feelings, K told me that he’s been in love with me for so long but didn’t want to say anything because of O. So, we’re happy now and I’m still friends with O, thankfully. Everything is working out, I’m so glad :)))

Edit 2: Okay so this post has been gaining a lot more traction recently after my wedding and made my relationship with K public, since we’re both heroes, and I’ve realized it’s not just because of the public relationship but because O made her own post about this situation a while ago. So, that’s a bit awkward but, yes, I’m Deku. Uravity is O in this situation and Dynamight is K. We’re all happy and, if you keep up with hero work, you’ll know that O is also getting married in a few months :) I’m very happy for her and I’m even more thankful for her.

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r/relationship_advice
u/dynamight_notreally

I (17M) am in love with my best friend (17M) but he has a girlfriend

So I’m a fucking asshole and I have no idea what to do about it so I’m posting some random shit on the internet for the first time.

I’m turning 18 in a week and my best friend (17M) was talking to me about it and he was making this huge plan about what we should do for the day. He wants to take me to some resturaunt for dinner with a couple of our close friends and he wanted to bring his girlfriend (17M) and then he just did something that made me realize how fuckin’ in love with him I am.

He seemed to notice my uncomfortable mood and offered for it to just be me and him because he knows that I don’t like people. My heart did some weird shit in my chest and I just, fuck, I don’t know, I think I’ve kind of always been in love with him? I was horrible to him when we were kids, we’ve known each other for our whole lives, and we’ve recently reconnected and made up. It took a while to get back to being best friends and I love where we are right now but I can’t help but want more from him. Hell, he’s the reason I even know I’m gay. I thought I was straight up until I saw him taking his shirt off in the locker rooms our first year of high school. At first, I thought I was just physically attracted to him and could get over it but since we’ve become friends again, I’ve started having like real genuine feelings for him. And that is something i never thought I’d be saying out loud. Or, rather, online to a ton of strangers.

Anyway, last year, he went and got himself a shitty girlfriend (she’s not actually shitty, I’m just jealous) and I feel like everything about our dynamic changed. I just started getting angry whenever he would go hang out with her instead of me and I thought it was normal for best friends to feel that way about their best friend’s significant other but all of our other friends seem super happy for them and none of them seem nearly as bugged by it as I do.

I guess I just want advice on how to handle it. I’m not going to tell him, obviously, he has a girlfriend and telling him would be a shitty move. I just want to know how to go about it. Like, should I distance myself from him or should I just pretend things are fucking normal?

God, this is so stupid.

Edit: I guess you’re supposed to edit this things and update people on the situation? I don’t really know what to say, the situation is shitty asf. It’s been a while since I’ve even posted this and now we’ve graduated school and have started workign at the same place. Basically, I tried to distance myself from him but he noticed bc that’s just the kind of guy he is, and demanded to know why. I made up some lie about being ambushed with graduation coming up soon and having to focus on my work and getting a job set in stone for myself and all that dumb stuff. He bought the lie and I continued to distance myself but now we both work at the same place and it’s even harder to distance myself than it was in school because we work very closely with one another. I think I’ll just go for the “pretend things are fucking normal” option now and stick to being his best friend.

r/relationships
u/dynamight_notreally

I’m heavily pining for my best friend

I hope this is the proper place to post this but honestly, at this point, I don’t fucking care. I need to get it out of my system.

My (18M) best friend (18M) has a girlfriend (18F). I’ve been in love with my best friend for so fucking long that I don’t think it’s healthy atp. Like, he’s just so perfect and I could never deserve him because I’m a shitty person but, like, damn do I love the guy. But then he has a girlfriend and they’re talking about moving in together already and it’s really been getting to me. I offered to help with moving boxes and shit but I probably shouldn’t have because I’m like so fucking close to just confessing my feelings to my best friend. I can’t though because he’s happy and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I respect his girlfriend, too, she’s a really good person and they deserve to be happy together so I will just sit back and pine on the internet because I know they don’t really use any sort of social media.

r/AmItheAsshole
u/dynamight_notreally

AITA? I yelled at my mom and threw a glass

So, I (19M) don’t live with my parents anymore but I went to go see my mom (F, not saying her age because if she somehow finds this, she will murder me) for dinner this weekend and I decided to come out to both her and my dad. My dad was shocked but he was nice about it and my mom started claiming that she’s always known (I haven’t even always known??) and, somehow, the topic of my best friend (18M) came up. She asked if I was dating him yet and I just sort of looked at her weird because we don’t normally talk about shit like that. She started asking me a ton of questions and it was starting to get annoying so I told her to drop it.

She did not drop it. She kept saying that she could tell I was in love with him since we were kids. Apparently, we used to always say we’d be the best hero duo and I would always claim we’d get married when we got older. Anyway, she told me I should confess to him, tell him how I feel. I told her no, that he’s in a relationship, but she just kept pushing the subject. I’ve really been working on my anger but she just got on my nerves because of course i want to tell him how I feel. But I can’t. No matter how much I want to, I can’t.

So, I went off and I screamed at her, then I threw my glass at the wall and it shattered everywhere. Nobody got hurt but my mom got angry and started yelling back at me. My dad’s saying I should’ve handled it better and my mom has told some of our extended family (aka, she told her sister, her sister told her kids, her kids told our cousins, my cousins told their parents, and it just spread) that I threw the glass at her and was yelling at her for no reason, so they all think I’m an asshole.

I get that I shouldn’t have thrown the glass, but I didn’t throw it at her liek she’s insisting. I’m just exhausted. I really want to tell my best friend how I feel but he’s in love with someone else so her trying to push me to do it anyway just made me angry. So, am I the asshole?

Edit: Verdict was that, bascially, we’re both kind of assholes. I talked to my mom about it and apologized for the yelling and the glass throwing and she apologized for trying to push me into a confession. I think we’re okay for now.

r/relationship_advice
u/dynamight_notreally

I’m in charge of planning my best friend’s birthday party but I’m in love with him

Alright, yeah, as per usual this is a post about me pining over my best friend and wondering wtf is wrong with me and how tf I’m supposed to handle it.

My best friend (19M) is turning 20 in a couple of weeks and I’ve been put in charge by our (mostly his) friends to plan a surprise party because I “know him the best”. Except, I’m not the only one in charge. His girlfriend (19F) has also been put in charge by our (mostly his and hers) friends. So, seeing as I’m in love with her boyfriend, you can imagine that the situation is incredibly fucking awkward.

I don’t think she knows, I think I’ve done a decent job of hiding it. Irl at least. I’ve ranted about my best friend in probably about 100+ posts in the last like few years so clearly I’m not hiding it well online. I’m not hiding it at all.

Anyway, I don’t know what to do. I know I can plan a good party for my best friend, I am not only an excellent party planner but I know the guy like the back of my hand. It’s why I was put in charge. But I also know that his girlfriend knows him very well so I’m thinking maybe I should just stay out of it, let her plan the whole damn thing? I just don’t think I can work with her in such a close proximity without letting my jealousy show. She’s in the position I’ve wished to be in since they got together and I just wish that I would’ve told my best friend how I feel before they had even gotten together because maybe then I’d have a chance. But I had too much of a fucking ego to confess to someone myself back then, I always wanted people to confess to me.

I came out to my best friend this year, he didn’t even know I was gay before then. He and his girlfriend were in this huge argument and he stayed over at my place for the night and I think coming out to him was me sort of trying to hint at him how I feel without actually telling him because actually telling him while he’s in a relationship would be an asshole move. He was supportive because of course he was, the man does no wrong, but he didn’t catch the hint and I let it go.

Anyway, this post is getting a bit off topic. I don’t know if I should step back from the birthday planning or what. I’m so fuckin’ in love with him that it hurts.

Edit: I did step back from the birthday planning but I made sure to show up to the party. It was a good time, my best friend’s girlfriend did well with it.

r/AmItheAsshole
u/dynamight_notreally

AITA for telling my friend that she knows nothing about her boyfriend, my best friend

Yes, for those of you who actually consistently follow the hellfire that is my life, this is about the same best friend I’m in love with and his girlfriend.

So, it happened a few days ago. My friend (20F) (who I’m just calling my friend for the simplicity of the story because while I respect the hell out of her I don’t talk to her much at all seeing as she’s dating the man I’m in love with) came over to my place for a Halloween party I was hosting. Now, something about me is that I do not like having people in my personal space, I don’t invite people in my home. This was only an exception because my friends, including the best friend I’m in love with, were begging me to host the party at my place because it’s apparently the “spookiest”, whatever that means.

I have a high paying job (but so do they) so I have a nice house (so do they) but I don’t understand what puts it under the “spooky” category. Either way, my best friend and his girlfriend came over before the party started to help me get set up, my friend has a quirk that helps with putting things up and whatnot and my best friend has a quirk that helps with moving heavy things. So, it was helpful to have them around while I decorated. However, I fuckin’ forgot an important thing and so my best friend offered to leave and go pick it up from the store.

So, there I was with my friend, just decorating my house for some halloween party I didn’t even want to host. She was talking about my best friend, her boyfriend, and she said something about him that made me angry. I really don’t think she meant anything bad by it but she said that she felt like he’s been a little out of the relationship lately and I just kind of went off, telling her that she has no idea who he is and how much he cares about her. He does everything in his power to make sure that she’s happy and it just made me angry to think that she wasn’t grateful for that.

I just got jealous, okay? He’s with her because he wants to be and because he loves her and she’s complaining about that? I have wished I was her for the last, like, 4 years or some shit. Now, looking back, I really don’t think that she meant that she wasn’t grateful or anything. In fact, I feel like an asshole for yelling at her and I just need to know if I should apologize to her or if I should just leave it alone. I also think she might know that I’m in love with him. I’m not positive but, like, she gave me this look after I started yelling at her and it just kind of hit me that I was probably being an asshole about the entire thing and should step back.

Am I the asshole in this situation or should she have kept her mouth shut about my best friend and her boyfriend?

Edit: Yeah, okay, most of you said I was mostly the asshole in that situation and I apologized to her. She told me not to worry about it and she gets it. She said that people stick up for the people they love and that that’s understandable. Except, I sort of think that when she said that word “love” she wasn’t talking about the love a person has for a best friend. I think she knows I’m in love with him. I hope this doesn’t ruin anything.

r/relationship_advice
u/dynamight_notreally

Should I tell my best friend that I’m in love with him?

Alright everybody, the time has come. My best friend (22M) and his girlfriend (21F) have broken up. He’s been staying with me at my house for the last couple of weeks in my guest bedroom. He’s really hurt and heartbroken but also I feel like I’ve been getting more and more hints about him maybe reciprocating my pathetic fucking feelings. Like, he’s been giving me these looks, as if he’s deep in thought and maybe it’s just my shitty delusional brain, but I feel like it’s the same looks I gave him back when we were in high school and I was debating whether or not I was in love with him. I tried asking him why they broke up and he just said that she broke up with him and then gave me no more information.

I’ve been leaving it alone because I know he’s in a rough spot right now and I don’t want to push him into sharing something he’s not comfortable with but I’m a little worried about him. But then, we’ll go do something and it’s like nothing ever happened and he’s his usual self again. He started getting weird again a couple of days ago, it’s how he gets when I know he’s thinking too much about something and, honestly, I’m not sure if the thing he’s thinking about is the breakup or me. He’s been doing so many things that have been making me overthink everything and I’ve been seriously considering just shouting to him about how I’m in love with him because I think he might actually feel the same way.

Then, the kicker, I asked his now ex-girlfriend why she broke up with him (because I was worried, okay? and I made it clear she didn’t have to tell me and that she could keep it between just them) and she went super silent before chuckling a bit to herself and then her words really slapped me in the face. She said, and I quote, “You really don’t know -my name-? I thought you were supposed to be one of the smartest from our class? He’s in love with you, he’s always been in love with you.” And like, there’s no way she can be right, right? Like, of course, I really want her to be right but my best friend has been with her for the last like 5 years, there’s no way he’s been in love with me the entire time. My best friend had talked about marrying her.

Anyway, she didn’t seem like she was lying and with all these feeling I’ve been getting lately about him maybe feeling the same way about me, it’s just been feeling like a sign that I should just stop keeping it to myself, stop holding it in, and just fucking tell him already.

What do you guys think? Is it finally time?

Edit: DAMN okay I didn’t see a single one of you telling me not to confess to him. So I did. I told him I’ve been in love with him for years and showed him all these stupid reddit posts I’ve made about him. He laughed and said he made his own reddit post about the situation too but refuses to show me (you guys should definitely try to find it and link me to it, I can trust you guys, right?) because he says it’s embarrassing because he was overthinking so much. I told him he’s always overthinking. Anyway, we’re in a relationship now but we’re taking it slow because our jobs are sort of public and his relationship with his now ex was sort of public and so hes been going through a sort of public break up and coming out as bisexual and already in another relationship might not be the best thing for him right now. But we’re happy and that’s what matters.

Edit 2: I found the post thanks to you all. It was not nearly as embarrassing as he made it out to be. You guys also found a post that his ex-girlfriend made, funnily enough. I showed it to him and he asked her about it and we all started laughing. Who knew we’d all be on reddit for this?

Edit 3: Just got married. Looks like you guys aren’t getting anymore posts of me pining for my best friend. Just posts of me gushing about my husband (he’s over my shoulder reading this right now, he says I’m secretly a softy. Good thing he hasn’t read all 200+ posts I’ve made about him over the years, then he’d know it wasn’t a secret. I can’t have that.)

Just kidding, he knows. Like I said, he was over my shoulder reading while I wrote that.

Edit 4: Alright alright, yeah. I’m fuckin’ Dynamight. My username is a lie. I really can’t believe it took people this long to figure out that that shit was a lie, that’s the worst disguise I’ve ever had and it’s worked the best. I just want to thank Uravity for pushing me and my husband into our relationship and I want to publicly apologize for being in love with her (now ex) boyfriend the entire time they were dating. I was a bit of an asshole about it. I also wanna say I am completely in love with my husband, Deku.

Also no, just because I can be a softy online doesn’t mean anyone will ever see this side of me in real life. Except my husband.

Bye.