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In all honesty, the fight was avoidable.
But- with Vessel and II- sometimes things simply can’t be avoided.
IV and III had been out shopping, trying to find a little sweater for Scruff as III had stated- ‘he’s too cold!’
Vessel and II were just lounging, the singer’s head propped on II’s knees, as he had all but gorged himself on the fresh, sourdough ‘everything’ bagels III had made that day. He also made scallion cream cheese- so needless to say- Vessel was in heaven.
It was blissfully quiet for a while. The movie drones on, II holds Vessel’s head in his lap, cradling it close to his bare torso. Vessel traces the all too familiar tattoos on II’s skin, he’d be able to trace every bit of ink of the drummer's skin at this point as if he’d placed them there himself, his body is so familiar under Vessel’s fingertips.
II yawned a bit, and Vessel frowned and glanced up at him, running his thumb over II’s lips, which quickly got caught in a kiss. “You okay, love?”
“Yeah, darling, all good. Just tired,” II mumbles before he goes back to dozing behind him on the couch, the movie he had put on near the end credits.
His phone buzzed in his pocket and he grimaced, hmpfing . “Can you check that? Might be band-related,” he asks Vessel sleepily.
Vessel hums, curling up tighter in his hoodie before flipping over so his belly is on II’s knees, as he fishes through his drummer’s joggers to get the phone, earning a squeak from II in the process as he gets tickled, but eventually gets the phone with a quick kiss to II’s belly for good measure.
II opens the phone- seeing the familiar picture of IV with a big grin holding up giant smoked meat sandwiches as II’s lock screen, before seeing the message.
received: unknown number
07: 32 pm
Hey- I know this is a long shot, and we haven’t spoken in years. Don’t even know if this is your # still. But, I just wanted to maybe try and catch up. I’ll be back in London in a week.
I am sorry for how things went down at the end. I’ve been trying to do better.
Vessel neatly stiffens when he reads that, feeling the cold surge of jealousy jolt through his veins as he reads, and rereads the text. He knows this isn’t a saved number nor one that II communicates with often, Vessel would’ve noticed, plus II hates texting in general if he can avoid it. But those words are too… formal, too familiar. Vessel all but bristles in his lap.
II noted the behaviour in his partner's behaviour nearly instantaneously, and he looked down at him with curious eyes before glancing at the phone. He snorts and just lies back again to doze. “You can just delete that,”
“Who was it?”
“Don’t know, don’t care to know,” II quips nonchalantly.
Vessel’s eyes go darker. “II… who was it?”
“Either a wrong number or if it is someone who knows me, then I’d guess it was Oliver. Who I have absolutely no fucking interest in ever talking to again. So, please, delete that text and block the number,” II snaps, a little harsher than meant to. This topic is always touchy for him. When Vessel doesn’t move to do either, II squirms uncomfortably underneath him. “ Now , Vess.”
Vessel stiffens even further at that. Oliver, a name he ( choosingly ) doesn’t like to think about often. II and Vessel knew each other for a long time, having met so young, but weren’t always romantically involved. A fact that pains both of them, but they had drifted apart in their late teens and their early twenties, before inevitably finding each other again and starting the band. It took a lot of physical affection to make up for lost time.
Vessel knew he had made a mistake when he had lost II the first time, and fuck , he would never do that again. II didn’t talk about his past romances often, not that there were many besides Oliver. A hostile, bitter narcissist and abusive dominant who didn’t deserve to even breathe the same air as II, much less have the perfect drummer as his partner, but yet they were. II was with him for a few years. And the physiological damage was so damn evident to Vessel. But worse, it was likely completely hidden from anyone who didn’t know II Iike Vessel did.
Still so composed, sometimes too much. Grumpy, sarcastic, insanely bossy.
But bitter now, frightened sometimes. Vessel could see it so clearly in his expressive eyes- they give away everything II feels.
It’s evident in the way he treats the others- always providing them pleasure but often shying away from it himself. Vessel had guessed that despite the fact II loved them so much, he had loved someone else too, someone who had hurt him badly, and betrayed those sacred feelings. It can be hard to trust them again- even knowing that the hands touching you now are loving ones, not cruel.
Logically, II knows that his lovers are not anything close to Oliver. No sliver of his cruelty harbours in any of them. It’s still painful, though, for II to overcome those feelings of pain and terror he had felt at those cruel hands.
But remembering it is still uncomfortable for II. “ Vessel . Delete the message.”
“Why is he contacting you?” Vessel sneers.
“I don’t fucking know, probably because he’s a narcissistic asshole who likely wants to go on a power trip. I don’t care, I don’t want it. Delete it. Now .”
Vessel grits his teeth at the reminder of II’s past, and he scowls at the phone. “You should have never been with him,”
A look of hurt ghosts over II’s face, and Vessel immediately knows he hit a nerve- and how unfair it was to do so. But, it’s also an argument they’ve had before. “Yeah, thanks for stating the obvious, dickhead. Fuck. I hate when you say that as if I don’t fucking know, okay?!”
Vessel pales and feels anger biting in his throat. Why did someone as beautiful and smart as his II make such a stupid mistake?! “I just don’t understand why you ever-”
II normally always listens to Vessel, he always lets him speak, but this is an argument they’ve had before. And it truly brings out the worst in him, his anger. Vessel refuses to let it go- II refuses to explain further, and the anger at the other simmers low until boiling point. It comes out of true care for the other, but neither is good at communicating when it comes to this specific issue because it causes so much heartache.
II jolts his knees, grabs his phone out of Vessel’s hands, and glares at him with fury in those blue eyes. He wouldn’t look particularly threatening like this normally, with his fluffy blond hair askew and comfy sweats on, but he is trembling now.
“Stop! Fuck ! It’s not up to you to understand, okay?! I was young and got with someone and, yeah, it turned out badly but you don’t get to sit here like some sanctimonious ass and lecture me about it- I know I made a mistake! You saying this doesn’t fucking help me!” II finally snaps.
Vessel, instead of relenting, bolts up. “Sanctimonious ass?! I’m just wondering why you made such a piss poor decision, that left you so hurt, II! You have more self-preservation than that! Fuck, if I had known what you were going through, fuck, we never should have been separated.”
Vessel’s words are harsh and laden with guilt, primarily. In actuality, he blames himself for drifting away from II when they were younger, having gravitated towards different social circles and life experiences in general. Had he never left the drummer's side, maybe it could’ve been different. But II had always said to not think about it, it’s in the past and they’re together now, but the biting pain of guilt still hits Vessel’s gut.
II makes a twisted face, and his next words are laced with matching venom that Vessel holds. “Oh, if you had known I was being treated like shit you would have come back? To what? Fucking swoop me off my feet and save me? Christ. Don’t be so goddamn dramatic. I didn’t need it then. At least I didn’t go around fucking anything that moved when we weren’t together. You would’ve been too busy getting your dick wet to care about what happened to me even if you were there,”
As soon as II practically yells the words, a look of instant regret flashes over his features and he shuts his mouth with an audible click.
It was a low blow.
Bitterly fucking low blow.
Low blows for both of them.
Painful moments that both regret before they dated, and neither can let the pain go just yet. II feels abandoned by Vessel, and unwanted romantically. Vessel feels angry for II cutting himself off and getting into a destructive situation. It’s unfair anger, they both know it, which is maybe why it’s so difficult to let go of.
Vessel swallows hard and looks down at his grey sweatpants, thumbing over the string of his waistband, a lump forming in his throat at II’s stabbing words.
II looks down, shuffling uncomfortably. “You… you had made it clear back then that you didn’t want me. Why the fuck, would I have gone to you of all people? My hot, former best friend who went on to fuck everyone around me, but not me, and then stopped talking to me.”
Vessel has tears in his eyes and swallows hard again, before looking. “But… you never mentioned it to me either. You were always so closed off. I was scared that if I tried anything when we were younger you would have iced me out,”
“Yeah, well. I guess you beat me to the punch with that before I even had the chance to do it.” II snaps back bitterly.
Vessel has tears in his eyes now and it pains II to see him so distraught, but it’s also still sore for II. He normally spends these arguments comforting Vessel, but it hadn’t eased II’s pain, rather hid it until it bubbled up and exploded. In hindsight, perhaps II should have just admitted how hurt he was even without Oliver.
But, no. That’s an issue for II still: he’s too proud. He’s always handled things alone.
II has already turned on his feet, phone shoved into his pockets as he nearly tramples a very confused III, and a surprised-looking IV, who had come back in after shopping and heard the tale end of the fight. II goes to his room, closing the door, but not slamming or locking it.
III already looks on the brink of tears, he hates confrontation, especially with amongst his sweet loves. IV sees that and quickly cups his cheeks, kissing the corner of his mouth carefully. “Hey, hey, none of that, it’s okay. Why don’t you go to your room with Scruff, yeah? I’ll check in later.”
“What about II-” III sniffles but IV shakes his head before the alley cat appears and is already in between III’s legs, meowing angrily for pets.
“I got it. I’ll let you know if I need you, okay?” IV reassured III before the bassist sniffled again and then quietly went to his room.
With a sigh, IV turns back to Vessel, who is curled up on the couch. “Hey, princess. What happened? Are you okay?”
Vessel shuts his eyes for a minute, not wanting to answer, until IV gently slides into the spot beside him, wrapping a strong arm around his lithe waist before pulling him to settle in between his legs. He rubs Vessel’s back, his other hand going to cradle the singer’s face.
“Talk to me, baby,” IV whispers.
“I fucked up,” Vessel mumbles into IV’s broad chest, burying his face into the fabric of his hoodie like he’s trying to crawl into his skin.
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“II got a message from that fuckhead Oliver. He was so nonchalant about it. But I just got so mad that he was treated so badly by that guy. I told him I didn’t understand and… yeah, said it was a stupid mistake that he made. It just seemed to hit a nerve today… then he called me a whore for sleeping around before we were together,” Vessel choked out bitterly.
IV flinches then sighs, running his hand through Vessel’s hair, nearly petting it. “Shit, princess... First of all, he shouldn't have said that. In no uncertain terms. You didn't deserve that. But… Okay, part of being in a relationship like the one we’re in, there’s going to be times you need to be told something you don’t want to hear. And right now, is one of those times. I’m not saying it to make you feel worse. But you need to hear it, for II’s sake too, and I’ll be talking to him after. But II went through a lot, you know that. He isn’t proud of that. And he knows he made a mistake in that relationship, but was young and vulnerable. But having you constantly saying you want to understand why does not help him. It’s not up to us to understand why or what he did in his past. It’s up to us, to be his future. You can spend forever trying to understand why he did what he did, but you doing that is digging it up for him every time, and it’s painful for him to be reminded of the lowest part of his life. You don’t mean to do it because you’re angry at Oliver and you can’t lash out at him and trying to get more out of II just won’t help. Yeah, I know it fucking hurts to know what he went through, it hurts III and me too, fuck, if I ever see that guy I’ll likely beat the shit out of him. But, that’s not what II needs. He is always careful around our needs so right now, be aware of his too going forward. You can’t understand. So, just be there with him now like I know you want to be. You feel things deeply, Vess. I love that about you. Instead of feeling anger about II’s past, feel happy that you have his future.”
Sometimes Vessel thinks IV should be a therapist or a philosopher. If he wasn’t so attached to him, he might encourage him to pursue it.
Or, Vessel can keep him selfishly at their flat just for them instead.
The words are heavy but necessary. And Vessel knows he had to hear them.
Vessel buries himself deeper into IV’s grasp, as the guitarist peppers kisses along his brow, kisses Vessel feels entirely undeserving of.
“I just hate that he was hurt,” Vessel muffled against the fabric of the hoodie.
“Yeah, yeah, princess. I do too. More than anything,”
“Have you asked him about it?”
“I gave him the option to talk about it. But understood, that I may never hear the full story from him. And maybe that’s the best- because it’s what he wants. Forcing someone to talk about something painful before they’re ready often just pushes them farther back in their healing. I try to remind myself of that,”
Vessel pouts at him with those wide brown eyes. “Why are you so damn wise?”
IV chuckles and shakes his head. “Not wise. Jaded and scarred, not wise. You guys found me after I was fucked up. I just know all of you well,”
Vessel finally nods and suddenly feels very tired. IV gently tugs him up, before walking him down to III’s room. The bassist is hiding Scruff close, silent tears running down his face, until the door opens and he sees his V.
III has his arms open immediately and Vessel crashes into him, needing the comfort just as much, if not more.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Vessel sighs as III curls up against his body.
Knowing both are in good hands, IV quietly creeps into II’s room. He knocks once, then slips in when he hears no protest. The curtains were drawn tightly, and IV’s eyes adjusted to the low light until they landed on a small lump of blankets on the bed- with two spiteful-looking eyes glaring at him.
IV feigns ignorance before pretending to sit on the blanket lump, earning an undignified shriek as II is sat on.
“Fuck off! Ge’ off!”
“Ah, there’s my little baby.”
The blanket pile moves under IV’s ass and grunts. “Fuck you. I’m not little,”
“You are, love. Can I come into your blanket fort?”
"… fine.”
IV takes his time sliding into the pile of blankets, maneuvering II until the smaller man is propped onto his chest. II huffs and buries his face into IV’s neck.
“Wanna talk about it?” IV asks him softly, running his hands over the man’s back. II was crying.
“Called him a slag for lack of better words. I feel like shit. I always wanted to protect him from anything bad, and I cracked and lashed out,"
“You are right that you shouldn't have said that. But, you cracked because you were pushed. I think that’s the problem. Vessel always pushes but you never give, always try to keep him placated and calm when it comes to your past. I don’t think you had it in you to not act like that. You want to protect Vess, Vess wants to protect you. And you two have a long history. Spats like this will happen,”
II frowns and shakes his head. “No. Not to me. I’m not supposed to treat any of you like that. Especially not him..."
IV scowls and gently grips II’s hair, harder, to make sure he pays attention. “And how exactly do you think we want you to treat us? Do you think we expect, or want, you to not be human? To not feel things? I know for a fact Vessel isn’t the only one who pushes you because I sure as hell do too. We ask what happened because we want to make sure nothing is ever repeated that will hurt you, baby,”
“You could never repeat the shit that I went through. And that’s what I love about you all. But I don’t want to tell you what happened because you’ll… you’ll look at me differently. You’ll look at me with those sad fucking eyes, like— like-” II trails off.
“Like how you look at III?”
The comment slams down like a sledgehammer on II’s chest and he flinches. “Don’t… no, that’s different. He went through so much worse, he’s my sweet boy, and he should have never had that happen-”
“Yeah. He shouldn’t have. But neither should you have had those experiences.”
“They weren’t as bad as what III faced! Fuck! You have no idea what he-”
“Yeah. I know. He told me, after a long time,” IV admits to the seething II.
Blue eyes narrow and II shoves against IV’s chest. “And you’re not angry?!”
“I am fucking furious. More than I can say. But, I’m also angry, that you were treated badly. III has the love and care he needs, from all of us, because he’s opened up and admitted things that hurt him, so we could be aware of any potential triggers that might send him to a bad headspace. You still haven’t done that for us so we can protect you,”
“I don’t need to be coddled!” II explodes now, trying to pry his way out of IV’s arms, but the guitarist keeps a very firm grasp.
“Coddling? Is that what you do to III?” IV challenges.
“What? Of course not, I’m just taking care of him-”
“II. You’re one of the smartest fucking people I’ve ever met. Listen to the words you’re saying and the ones I’m telling you. Please, try to understand where we’re coming from. Baby, please,” IV all but begs, cutting off the angry retorts.
II simply crosses his arms and flops on his back, a big pout on his face. IV shakes his head and runs his hand over the drummer's face until he (subconsciously) leans into the comforting touch.
“You’re protecting III because you know what he went through. Vessel is trying to protect you even though you’re fighting tooth and nail to avoid admitting it. You're our sweet boy too. III’s as well,” IV says firmly. He still has II’s hair in his hand, his face pulled back, so the stubborn drummer is staring at him with those wide, watery blue eyes.
II sighs weakly. “I don’t… need you to know what happened. Not exactly. It was bad, yeah. If something reminds me of it, then I’ll tell you. Promise. I just really need you both to stop pushing me. Talking about it won’t change it. And I don’t want … him, or any part of him, even just his fucking name or memory anywhere near any of you. That’s why I don’t like talking about it. I want to keep all of you away from that fucking loser-”
“II. You’re still trying to protect us. He can’t touch us. He touched you . You don’t need to protect us from him. We need to protect you from anything left residually by that fucker. It’s our turn to have you safe, honeybee.”
II stiffens. “The fuck did you just call me?”
“Honeybee. You’re cute, and small, and yellow-haired.”
“Oh, shut up, treasure .”
IV looks offended and pouts. “Why are you the only one who gets to use nicknames!”
“Because I’m the one who normally has you in a collar and leash, treasure,” II responds with a bite.
IV blushes. “Touché,”
II rolls his eyes and repositions himself under the blankets, his head once again propped on IVs shoulders. II feels so perfect for IV’s arms like they were sculpted just to hold II close, away from the things that hurt him.
With his lips pressed against the drummer's head, IV mulls the statements II has said over in his head. He’s not thrilled that II still won’t talk in detail, but he has to trust him enough to know that he’ll express himself if he’s uncomfortable.
And also trust him enough to realize that he’s healing in his way, and trying to show the best of himself to his partners. He just needs to know, he can show the worst of himself too, and they’d still love him. But, IV thinks he’s learning, slowly, but learning.
“Where are the other two…” II finally asks quietly.
“In III’s room. He was a little upset when he heard the fighting-”
Nearly faster than the speed of light, II bolts out of his bed, knocking IV into the sheets, and practically flies to III’s room and crashes in. No, not his cherub. He shouldn’t have heard that.
His cherub doesn’t like yelling in the flat.
III sits up out of Vessel’s grasp, watery eyes, and looks at II with an expression of discomfort and upset on his sweet face.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t want you to hear that,” II admits to him, before looking at Vessel. “And I should have never said those things to you, Vess. I know you’re asking because you’re upset, I get it. But Vess- please… I will tell you if I need to. But you… the three of you, I don’t want in any way associated with any of the stuff from my past. You’re everything I need, and I don’t want even his name to be talked about around any of you. You’re all too good, and mine and that’s what I need from you. I love you. Just… I need you now, in the present. Not discussing something that was so fucking awful from the past,”
II looks unusually small right now. Actually, smaller. Tiny. Exposed. Vulnerable, and uncomfortable.
Vessel is quick to scoot out of the bed and simply scoop II into his arms, hugging him close, until they crash into III’s messy bed. “I’m sorry too, baby. I’m sorry,” Vessel murmurs into II’s hair, as the drummer seems to try and get armfuls of both III and Vess- or whatever he can manage to grab of them.
Scruff glares at him from his protective spot on III’s lap. But, he doesn’t scratch when II gives him a little pat.
IV has come into the room and is leaning against the door with his arms crossed.
“Damn. You’re one fine mediator, baby,” Vessel tells him.
“Fucking right I am. I should start billing you lot for my services,” IV says with a small wink, but mostly, a smile at seeing his boys all together.