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If Max was completely honest, he never really saw himself as the type for romance.
The traditional ‘ falling in love and going on dates ’ kind. Spending hours upon hours tidying up before going on some lousy outing, only for half of it to be wasted on awkwardly trying to find something to talk about. Not to mention, he wouldn’t even be able to shoot anything.
The weddings that usually came as a result weren’t any better. Long and without any gunfire, especially gruelling for a rabbity thing like him.
Max groaned, following after Sam as they left the stuffy venue they’d spent the past few hours in. Another long and lousy wedding ceremony, one that Max wasn’t explicitly invited to but still tagged along. He chewed on the bowtie he was made to wear, Sam watching him.
“You didn’t have to come with me pal,” The dog hummed, amused by his antics, “I’m sure aunt Judy would've understood.”
“She didn’t even invite me! I had no choice, you see,” Max pulled at the bowtie, wincing when it slipped and smacked into his non-existent neck, “She looked so happy when she saw me.”
Sam laughed, shaking his head, “That glare she gave us was really something, I don’t think I'll be getting any more invites in the future.”
“What a relief!”
They fell back into silence, their Desoto finally in sight and still parked haphazardly in the grass. Max decided to go back to ripping his bowtie into little, tiny shreds, while Sam nervously fiddled with his tie, peering over at Max every now and then.
“...Say, little pal, you ever think about romance?”
Max stopped, spitting out shreds of fabric. He eyed the dog suspiciously, unsure of where the topic really came from, or for what reason. Sure, romance was something that made his insides stick together, and not in a pleasant way, but…
He chased his thoughts away before they could form, “Nah, not at all! Why would I want to do all that grody stuff? I could be hanging out with you instead!”
The ‘ I might do all of that with you, though ’ rocketing around in his head was left unsaid. Max finally ripped the bowtie off of himself, pausing and staring up at Sam, “You didn’t manage to find someone when I wasn’t looking, did you? Am I gonna have to share ?!”
Sam laughed, batting away Max’s paws as he launched himself at him, “Easy with the suit, chucklehead, this wasn’t cheap!” He flicked Max in the forehead, smiling, “But no, it's hard to go out on the town when I'm too busy spending time with you!”
“Well, glad we’ve settled this discussion, neither of us are gonna find love, and we’re gonna live out the rest of our sad, miserable lives together, and then die!”
Sam laughed, patting Max on the head, “Your unending pessimism is a gift to us all, little buddy, we should get your prescriptions refilled soon.”
They slid into the Desoto after that, making their usual banter and cracking jokes about the ceremony. Sam hadn’t brought the question up again, leaving Max to assume it was another one of his random, one-off comments.
He hated how much he thought about it, how he felt a slight rise of panic at Sam having found someone else. Sitting in their office with the slow realisation of how much he didn’t want Sam to find someone, not out of cruelty, but because…
‘ I want it to be me ’
Max slammed his head down, distantly registering Sam asking if he was alright. He gave a muffled answer, head swimming with the realisation that he was in love with his best friend.
The sickeningly sweet tang of realisation coated him, mixed with the certain feelings of pure dread sitting in his stomach. It wasn’t that he was upset that he was in love with Sam– quite the opposite, he loved him more than the big dog would ever know.
That was the issue, though. Sam didn’t know, and Max doubted he felt the same anyway. The thought alone was enough to make him feel sick. An idea finally lit up in his head, of burying these feelings.
That was fine, he could live with that , he reasoned. Bottling it up was nothing new to the rabbit, it was practically home to him. All he had to do was act natural and hope he eventually forgot about his own feelings, grody daydreams be damned.
Anytime he caught himself, he’d try to quickly imagine a scenario where he had to resort to eating Sam for survival instead. He was handling things just fine.
For a while, Max was sure he was keeping to that. Ignoring the continued daydreams about Sam in purely grotesque lovey-dovey fashion. (He couldn’t help it, couldn’t deny how downright handsome Sam was, no matter the situation.) Max grimaced, almost in disbelief at what he was becoming.
It was a slow day, Sam going through their infinite stack of paperwork while Max terrorised the public from their window. Sam eventually suggested they do a movie night, so they could have some excitement. Max grinned at him, at least he’d have a distraction from his lovey-dovey thoughts.
He nearly burst into tears when Sam pulled out his case of cheesy romance movies.
“Don’t give me that look, pal,” Sam huffed, fiddling with their tv for a few seconds, “I haven’t had a chance to watch one of these in a hot minute! Not to mention, I get to pick first this time.”
Max groaned, sinking further into their couch with his arms crossed. He hated Sam’s romance flicks, on the principle that everything about them was enough to nauseate him, but now also with the knowledge his dumb, lovesick brain will spend the next while imagining him and Sam as whichever leads show up on screen.
Briefly, he wondered about the sanity of any nearby mind readers, with how many times he was going to be taking a hammer to his thoughts to smash them into tiny little pieces.
His ears twitched as Sam plopped down next to him, grunting and resting his arm on the back of the couch. Max flushed when his arm brushed against the back of his long ears, fur standing on its ends. He hated how such a small touch had him turning bright red, hated how badly he wanted to curl up into Sam’s side, hated how he wanted to press kisses all up his arm and–
He turned, grabbing Sam’s hand and biting down. The dog yelled out, walloping Max in the head to make him let go, scowling at the wide grin on his rabbity companion’s face, “ Pinhead! Biting me isn’t going to make the movie play any faster.”
Max groaned, wrinkling his nose as he spit out a tiny bit of Sam’s fur, “Some of your fur got in my mouth, I think you should let me pick the movie because of that.”
“No chance, pal. Now sit down, or I’ll pause it every single time you complain.”
With a huff, Max sat back down, foot thumping against the couch. A tiny voice in his head was relieved that Sam figured the biting was due to the movie, but another wished that he asked. He decided to let it linger, better than focusing on all the cheesy romance taking place on their TV. His ears twitched in annoyance, faintly registering Sam’s tiny gasps of intrigue.
For a second, Max paid attention to the screen. The two leads were dancing, swaying back and forth in some grandiose ballroom, almost in sync. Then the typical, good-looking female lead stumbled, missing a step and flailing backwards. Just as quick, the slightly-too-chiselled male lead caught her, pressing them impossibly close to one another.
Max pictured him and Sam in that position, sharing the same breath. ‘Are you alright, darling?’ He heard, trying to imagine the words coming from Sam’s mouth–
Max abruptly stood up, face heating up, “You know, Sam, we–” He tripped, stumbling and ignored the pang of disappointment that Sam didn’t immediately sweep him up, “We forgot our snacks! I’m starving , uh.. Ravenous, even!”
Sam blinked at him, a hint of confused amusement in his eyes, “I… Well, you’re right, little pal. Why don’t we–”
“ Great! Don’t worry your pretty little big head, I’ll go grab them!”
Without waiting for a response, he dashed out of the office, practically slamming the door behind him. Walking a few steps away he pressed his face into the palms of his paws and let out a frustrated scream.
His stomach flipped, and he silently cursed out Sam for his choice of movies. He walked in circles for a bit, trying to get the idea of Sam calling him pet names out of his head. ‘ Right ,’ He sighed out, ‘ Need to go grab those snacks .’
Briefly, he did consider going back in and pouring his heart out to Sam. It might be relieving, to finally get all those gruesome feelings out, but it might also kill him from sheer humiliation alone. Call him a coward, but he didn’t want to face rejection like that. He couldn’t .
He’d rather take his chances with mournfully over-the-top and imagined scenarios of him and Sam. He’d stubbornly keep this to himself for as long as he could.
‘As long as he could’ doesn’t mean much, not when life has other plans.
A case gone perfectly well, in Max’s highly unprofessional opinion. A large explosion that was sure to leave this side of the city in pieces for a few weeks, painting a beautiful picture of destruction. Normally, Max would be staring at it and swooning, if it wasn’t for the fact Sam and him were currently laying on the ground, having narrowly escaped the jaws of death once more.
Max blinked slowly, he was sure his ears were still ringing, staring up at the sky. The thrill of just barely getting out of the immediate radius of that explosion making his limbs buzz and fur itch. The stinging sensation of being roughly thrown to the ground made him giggle, having tickled him more than usual. Maybe a few more screws got knocked loose, with how the sky kept swimming as it did.
Next to him, Sam groaned, “Well great news, I think I'll finally need to get a new back. You alright, little buddy?”
“Never better, Sam. I feel all tingly! Though I could do without the backup singers.”
“ Backup singers? Nevermind,” Max could hear him getting up with a grunt, standing over him for a few seconds before deciding to pick him up, with a kind of gentleness that could’ve made the lagomorph sick.
“I would’ve liked to have left this part of the city still habitable, but I’d say that’s a case well solved! Why don’t we treat ourselves a little? There’s a new spot that serves donuts with an unsettlingly high concentration of artificial flavouring and an unlawful amount of sprinkles.”
Max just stared with his unfocused gaze, his partner’s words going through one ear and out the other. Maybe hitting his head as hard as he did finally cracked his skull, or maybe he was just too hyped up on the near-death experience. Instead of giving a proper reply, Max reached up, grabbing the sides of Sam’s face, giggling at his confused expression.
“Y’ look so handsome, Sam,” Max slurred, vision going blurrier by the second, “Especially when you’re escapin’ from death with me. I’m in love w’ you. ”
He could hear Sam make a confused, strained noise, right before his vision finally gave out. A slightly panicked yelp of his name, the last thing he heard before succumbing to blissful unconsciousness. Max dreamt of a beautiful ceremony, one that ended with them both surviving a dangerous labyrinth of traps together. It was everything he could’ve ever wanted, but he wondered if Sam would want that, too.
Max found himself waking up on the couch in their office, Sam leaning against it from his spot on the floor. Blinking slowly, he moved to sit up, the dull ache of his entire body blooming out and pulsing, a sensation he wasn’t entirely opposed to.
For a few seconds, he had no idea how he ended up like this. He tried to wrack his brain, delighted as he finally remembered the giant explosion and his subsequent passing out. Two direct blows to the head being the culprit. No wonder his skull ached.
He felt like something was missing, one important detail he couldn’t recall. It nagged at him from the corner of his brain, and another part that seemed to remember was telling him with big, bright and colourful sirens and alarms that he fucked up, massively.
‘ Gee, the dread is sure starting strong tonight, ’ He thought, shuffling to get a better look at Sam, ‘ Is he asleep, dead or doing his broody detective thing again..? ’
He stared for a moment longer, before slapping his hand roughly down onto the dog’s shoulder, “Hey Sam, whatcha sitting on the floor for! We’ve got some perfectly good–”
Sam yelped, grabbing Max’s hand before tossing him over his shoulder. The lagomorph groaned, his head having slammed roughly against their wooden floor, “Careful with the head, Sam! I think my skull is about to hatch a little baby brain…”
Sam winced, getting off the ground and helping his partner in kind, “Sorry about that, little pal, wasn’t expecting you to be up so soon. Hope you didn’t lose any important functions up in that head of yours.”
“Probably just worsened my memory a bit more, but I'll forget about that soon enough! Anyways, what was with the brooding?”
He watched Sam stiffen, and nervously adjust his suit while he refused to look at the lagomorph, “Well… Say pal, do you… remember what happened at the end of our case? After the big explosion, that is.”
Max wracked his (quite injured) brain, ears twitching as he actually made an effort to remember. Giant explosion, some blows to the head that made him feel funny, thinking Sam looked so handsome…
Saying he looked handsome and that he’s in love with–
He paused, and all those flashy sirens and alarms came back at full force. ‘ Ah, ’ He thought, slowly turning away from Sam, ‘ It appears i have fucked up.’ Without a single spoken word, he launched himself out the window, faintly hearing Sam make a noise of surprise. He hit the ground and laid there for a second before attempting to scamper off, yelling loudly when he was scooped up by Sam, and promptly biting him. Hard.
“ Yeouch! Max, little buddy, would ya calm down?!” The two struggled for a bit, Sam trying to compact Max into a ball so he’d be easier to handle, while the latter continued to try and bite at him enough to slip out of his grasp. Eventually the two fell onto the ground, exhaustion seeping into their bones.
Max had half the mind to try and run off again, embarrassed by his slip up that he started thinking of all the creative ways he could fake his death and start anew. The last thing he wanted was to hear Sam awkwardly reject him, even the idea itself enough to make him feel sick. Weirdly enough, the corners of his eyes were starting to sting, did some stray part of the city get stuck in there again? His throat felt like it was closing up, was he even–
“Little buddy, breathe. ”
He let out a breath, shuddering and pathetic. ‘ Huh that self-loathing is kicking in real hard right now, ’ he would have laughed if it wasn’t for the fact he felt like complete shit. He noticed Sam’s paw on his shoulder, a nice weight that kept him from spiralling further and made his heart flutter. The way Sam got him, got what he needed and when… It’s why he fell so hard in the first place, and why hearing his rejection was going to hurt so much.
“Tell me what’s going on in that melon-sized head of yours,” Sam whispered, finally helping both of them up properly, “You know how disturbing it is when you’re quiet.”
Max spoke quietly, mouth moving faster than his brain, “Do y’ hate me?”
“What? No! Did some punk say something when I wasn’t looking?” Sam grabbed him by the shoulders properly, face full of nothing but worry and confusion, Max could swear he almost looked hurt, “You know I hate having one of these serious talks as much as you do, pal, but…” He sighed, voice getting gentler, “Did you mean it? What… What you said.”
‘Gee, this is a new type of cruelty, ’ Max turned his gaze to the street, a heavy weight in his chest. He sighed, closing his eyes tightly as though it would help, and accepted his fate.
The full weight of those vomit-inducing feelings hit the lagomorph like a truck head-on, causing him to wretch up every thought, every sickeningly sweet feeling, “I meant it, and more. So much more , Sam. It was driving me crazy, how much I was only thinking about you.”
He refused to open his eyes. Embarrassment, anxiety and disgust at himself swirling inside him, “I love you– I’m in love with you. As grody as it is. All I want is…”
“All I want is to stay by your side.” Max heaved out, voice nothing more than a whisper.
The silence that followed was awful. Max dared open his eyes, finding Sam staring at him with an unreadable expression, though he swore he could see his tail… wagging?
Before he could even ask, he was carefully pulled into a hug, “Hey, Sam? I think this is the part where you–”
“I love you too, chucklehead. More than you could ever understand ,” Sam whispered, quickly cutting him off, “I… Whew , this entire outing could’ve been avoided if I just acted quicker.”
What.
Sam pulled back, a sheepish smile on his face, “See, I was trying to see if I had a chance, you were never the romantic type… Still, I planned to try and, uh , impress you,” He gave a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck, “A fun night of stopping’ crimes and then I'd confess, probably before driving directly into the ocean.”
Huh. What.
His brain finally kicked back in, lighting up with all sorts of bells and whistles. A giant flashing sign that said ‘HE FEELS THE SAME!’ making him remember how to move. The first thing he did was bite Sam on the hand, and before the dog could complain, he launched his full body weight at him, grabbing onto his suit, “You’re tellin’ me you’ve felt the same this ENTIRE time?!”
Sam laughed, nearly falling over as Max continued to yank and pull. He eventually grabbed the rabbit, holding him in his arms, “I can’t read your mind, pal! I had no way of knowing about our attraction being mutual!”
“Well you should’ve connected to the hivemind , Sam! The hivemind!” Max lit up as Sam laughed again, shaking his head at his antics, “You baffle me little buddy.”
Max hummed in response, reaching up to place a paw on Sam’s cheek, smiling as the dog leaned into it. His brain started working overtime, wanting so badly to kiss, and lovingly bite , him. Something to tell him this was all real.
He swallowed his nerves, he needed to know this was all real, “Hey, Sam, could I…”
Max trailed off, staring at Sam’s mouth and hoped he got the clue. The few seconds of silence that followed made the lagomorph turn increasingly more red. Sam seemed to finally get it, responding with a soft ‘ Oh! ’ and a wide, goofy grin, “You don’t even need to ask.”
“Well, I figured I'd be nice enough to… warn you about my beartrap-like maw! You already know about that though, uh–” Max continued to ramble, face heating up more as Sam shifted to look at him better, holding the paw on his face,
“Hey, Max?”
He made a noise in response, and before he could leap into another ramble, Sam leaned in.
It was a bit awkward at first, with all of Max’s teeth and Sam’s snout, but the second they figured it out, it felt like ten million explosions were going off in Max’s brain, slowly melting it into nothing. It was everything he could’ve wanted. Sam is everything he ever wanted.
‘You’re everything, I love you, I love you, I love you,’ He hoped Sam could hear his thoughts.
Breathless, they pulled apart, staring at each other in a few seconds of giddy silence.
“...H - Holy mackerel-covered bicycle chained to the fence of a home goods!” Sam stuttered out, voice shaking. Immediately, he covered his mouth, blushing furiously, “Ah, sorry, just…”
Max laughed, loud and genuine, “ Really , Sam? Is that gonna happen every time we kiss?” He giggled as the dog nuzzled his head into him, mumbling a ‘quiet, melonhead’ in response. A quick glance confirmed that his tail was wagging, something that Max couldn’t help but find cute.
They stayed like that for a bit, before Max spoke up again, “So… Does that mean we’re dating now? Partners? Boyfriends? ”
“It feels strangely trivial to call you my boyfriend, little pal, you’re my partner ,” Sam hummed, finally moving to put the lagomorph down, “In everything, including the romance department finally.”
“That’s great, because I was going to bite you again otherwise,” He stuck his hand out, fuzzy warmth spreading through him as Sam grabbed it not even a few seconds later. This was… nice , and surprisingly way better than repressing everything, “Who woulda thought, an accidental slip of the tongue leading to the best night of my life.”
Sam chuckled quietly, pressing a faint kiss to Max’s hand, an action that made the latter’s breath hitch and blush furiously, “I’ll say. It also means terrorising the general public with our grossly affectionate displays,”
He began gently leading Max towards their building, the evening breeze making them both shiver slightly, “Well after a good night's rest and I disinfect all these bites. Don’t wanna risk tetanus.”
“Oooh, I love finding new ways to upset and disturb people!”