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"How do you love someone who hates himself?"
The question caught Vil Schoenheit off guard and he spit out his tea. "Excuse me?"
Misako Nobori put down her tea cup and signed deeply. "I said..."
"Yes, yes, I know what you said but now I want to know why you said it. Where did that question come from?"
Misako and Vil were sitting in one of the more private areas of the Pomefiore Dormitory, a beautiful tea set and snacks laid out between them. Vil, who wasn't on Misako's dance card of regular lovers, had noticed that she had been out of sorts and offered to lend a friendly ear. They'd been halfway through their idle conversation when Misako dropped the question and it had caught Vil off guard.
Misako started into her teacup. "You don't like Azul very much, do you?"
Her tone indicated that whatever was bothering her was serious and Vil knew that he couldn't lie to her about her boyfriend.
"I respect Azul's commitment and how much effort he puts into everything, but I'm not especially fond of the reasons why he does it. He should be doing it for personal growth and self-improvement, not to make himself look good for the sake of others. That is dolly and will only lead to bad places."
"Why do you do it then? Put so much effort into what you do?"
"I want to be the best version of myself. I don't wish to be perfect, because that is impossible, but I find continual self-improvement for myself satify..." He then noticed the look on Misako's face and realized what was on her mind. "What is it, pet?"
"...Azul has been..." Misako's hands tightened onto fists. "...more....wound up than usual. He tries to hide things from me, but I'm not an idiot. As if I wouldn't know..."
There was a very tense silence before she continued.
"Sometimes I look at Azul and it's like looking in a twisted mirror. I see shades of the person I could have been if I didn't have what I have...what I could have been if I had let those bullies in my dance class destroy me. I see someone starving himself, constant negative self-talk if something doesn't go right...a black void of self-hatred wrapped in a well-tailored tuxedo. And I hate it...Vil, I hate it! I hate it when he gets so self-critical when all those awful thoughts in his head get so loud that he can't hear me." Tears began to streak down Misako's face, stained black from her mascara. "I love him so much, but it's like that love, that acceptance...it's not reaching him and I...what should I do?"
Watching her break down in tears was enough to break Vil's heart. It was clear to the entire school how much Misako and Azuk adored each other. He took another sip of tea and then sighed deeply. "I know you don't particularly want to hear this, pet, but you know that you cannot fix him, don't you?
She nods. "...not that he'd listen to me, but yes, I know, but...instill want to try. I don't like seeing him like this. It's so difficult to watch him nitpick at himself and matter about one more pound, too much indulgence..and...how does he view me? Like, does he hate me, too?"
The idea was absurd. "Hate you? Why in the name of Grimhilde would he hate you?"
Miewko gestured at her own body. "I don't like thinking about it, but that mirror thought goes both ways. What does he think when he sees me? I refused to shrink myself for the benefit of others. I want to take up space, but there's that dark thought that wonders if he's disgusted with me the way he is with his younger self." Misako looked up at Vil and the sadness in her violet eyes was almost too much for him. "You know what everybody says..he does nothing for free...so I wonder why he keeps me around."
Vil could barely believe his ears. He took another long sip Before nearly slamming the teacup down and getting up. He cracks open the door to their room and pokes his head out. "Rook? Are you there?"
To Misako's surprise, there's an answer.
"Ah, Rou duu Poison! You called for me?"
"Do me a favor and go fetch Grim and prepare one of our spare rooms for Misako. She's not going back to Octavinelle tonight."
"Oh, Vil, I can't..."
"Hush. You're not going back there until I've talked to Azul." The words didn't overtly sound like a threat, but given Vil's tone... "We have some spare space here and you'll be comfortable." The tone also brokered zero room for arguments or backtalk. "Go lay down and I'll come to check on you later."
🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙
Azul was a little worried. He hadn't seen Misako since morning and she wasn't answering his messages. It was strange for her to be so quiet, but he figured she was probably preoccupied with someone else on her dance card and that she'd come back sooner or later.
There's nothing to worry about. After all, I'm the one she chose.
And then that dark voice in the back of his mind started talking to him again. That voice that always nagged at him when he had just a little too much to eat or didn't do something perfectly or noticed when Trey was flirting with Misako again.
Perhaps she has finally gotten tired of you and run off. There are so many other suitors she could have, you know.
Azul felt tense.
She chose me.
Because you noticed her first, before everyone else. Except for that little Heartslabyul freshman. But what if you're no longer good enough? She deserves perfection, after all. Someone that beautiful and radiant deserves the best… and let's be honest, when have you ever been the best?
The internal argument was interrupted by a knock at the door of the VIP Room.
"It's open!"
The door swung open and Vil's tall, elegant frame filled the door.
"Vil! What a surprise...to what do I owe..." Azul launched immediately into his usual spiel but froze when he noticed the look on Vil's face.
"Azul...we need to talk."