Chapter Text
The wind bites at Dick’s face as he stands, looking at the twinkling spread of Gotham below him.
From his vantage point, perched on the roof of one of the newer buildings dotting the horizon, he can’t see the seething crime of the city. The darkness and brutality of men as they destroy lives.
But neither can he see the laughing families, the joyful lovers and the dreaming poets. Those who can’t defend themselves- who need the Bats to save them.
All the innocents he’s failed over the years.
A shudder rips through him, and he looks down. Dark shadows and blinding lights dance together.
The lights seem to wink at him, while the shadows taunt him. Taunt the soft scraping of his shoes against the slightly gravelly rooftop. Taunt the wetness on his face and the shuddering of his chest.
He’s failed so many people.
Jason. Who died. Dick could’ve been there, could’ve saved him. Instead he was in space. And Bruce hadn’t even thought to tell him. If Dick hadn’t stepped down from Robin, Jason would never have had to pick up the mantle. He could have done so many things, but instead he hadn’t done anything to save him.
His parents. He should’ve checked the lines, should’ve reached further, should have saved them. But he watched as they fell, the Flying Graysons soaring no more.
Bruce. He couldn’t be the perfect son. He didn’t want to be the perfect son. The man who took him in. Dick can’t stop causing him pain.
Tim. He failed once being a big brother. It’s not surprising that he’s failed again. In Blüdhaven so much that he didn’t even notice what was wrong. And there were so many things. His parents, his mental health. He only ever thought he was a place-holder, and Dick hadn’t noticed.
The Titans. His team. God, he would try so hard, but everything would fall down, like dominoes in a light breeze. He’s lost count of how many times he’s failed them.
And everyone. Everyone in Gotham and in Blüdhaven. All the people he wasn’t there to save. The ones hurt by the villains that Dick left alive. No killing. But when would they stop, if not death.
Taking a small step forward, Dick leans forward. It would be so easy. He wouldn’t fail anyone ever again, because there would be no Dick to fail. It’s time he joins his parents. Time he joins Jason.
Dimly, Dick wonders if anyone will notice, beyond the absence of Nightwing on the streets. Bruce has been busy with a new crime boss- Red Hood- for the last few weeks. Tim was avoiding Dick, for whatever reason. Because he’s a failure. Alfred-
Alfred would notice. Alfred would miss him.
But Alfred will be fine. He’ll be alive, and Dick won’t be disappointing him.
Pitching his weight forward, Dick is about to fall, about to let himself go, when a sound catches his attention from behind him.
He freezes, stiffening. Only a bat would be up here at this time of night.
“Dickiebird?”
Flinching violently, only his training stops him from overbalancing. The voice is as familiar as Bruce’s, the same tenor that’s haunted Dick’s dreams and nightmares for the last few years,
“Jay?”
Twisting to face what has to be- what can’t be his brother, Dick takes a step forward.
It looks like Jay. Leather jacket and dark hair. Piercing blue eyes fixed on Dick. But he’s different, somehow. As if from somewhere else.
Oh.
Dick feels his face fall as his heart drops.
Right. Hallucination.
Jason’s face is heartbreakingly gentle,
“Dickie? Will you- will you come over here?”
It’s like he’s soothing a wild animal, cornered with an injured leg. Jay had done that, once- with a stray dog they’d found patrolling. He’d taken it to a SPCA.
Tears carve trails down Dick’s face, and he can’t, he can’t.
“I’m tired of failing everyone, Jaybird. Of letting people down just like I did you.”
The hallucination of Jason takes a step back, and Dick’s mind is doing a good job of trying to convince him to come down, but it’s not enough.
Dick is done disappointing everyone.
“I’m sorry, Jay. I’m so so sorry.” His throat is almost too tight to speak, but he has to say it, even though it’s not really his little brother. It’s the best Dick’s going to get.
“I left you, Jaybird, and you died, and it was my fault. And Bruce didn’t even tell me, and you’re dead! ”
A sob rips its way out of his throat, and he wraps himself in his arms, the urge to hug his little brother near-unbearable. But he can’t break the illusion. He doesn’t know what he would do if that happened.
“I was a terrible big brother to you, and I tried to be better for Tim, but he thinks he’s just a placeholder for you and he doesn’t know how much we love him and I failed him, Jay. Our family is falling apart and we need you. I need you. ”
As his voice breaks, Jason reaches out to him, and Dick takes a quick step back. He can’t break it. Not when he still has something to say.
“But you’re gone. And I can’t watch as everyone else dies like you did. I can’t do that. Not again.”
Taking another step back, he can feel open air under his heel. Jason lurches forward, “Dick, wait- ” but he’s already letting himself fall, eyes sliding shut and arms spreading.
And for a moment, he flies.