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Jawn has lost Awsten in the lunch crowd again. Well, no. Awsten ran off with an explanation of I’ll be right back and nothing else. He does that sometimes, absconding with little warning. It’s probably a symptom of his ADHD. Jawn is too short to see over the crowd, so he keeps walking until he reaches his locker. He waits there, pinging the hair tie on his wrist so he doesn’t panic.
He hates being on his own at school. People give him weird looks, probably because of the drawings all over his arms and his long dark hair hanging in his face. Jawn doesn’t even need to dye it - he naturally has scene-kid-black hair. Awsten gets jealous about that, even though his is nice and straight while Jawn’s is a wavy mess unless he risks the heat damage and straightens it, which takes forever.
Neither of them eat lunch at school, generally. Sometimes they will, if Awsten woke up late and had to skip breakfast. Jawn doesn’t like it if Awsten doesn’t eat. He worries that his best friend will get sick again. While he didn’t understand it at the time, he knows now that Awsten doesn’t like eating in front of huge crowds of people. It makes him anxious, as did most things back then. He’s better now, but Jawn still worries. Maybe he has anxiety too. He’ll ask Awsten about that when he comes back. If he comes back.
Of course Awsten will come back to him. He always does. Even on the rare occasion they have a proper argument, Awsten is back an hour later, blowing up Jawn’s phone or trying to climb in through his bedroom window.
As if on cue, Awsten appears next to him, carrying his guitar case. “Sorry. Mom said if I leave it here again, she’ll kill me.”
“That’s fine.” Jawn takes a deep breath.
He wants to lean into Awsten, to bury his face into his neck like he usually does when he’s nervous. They’re in public though, so he can’t. Since they started dating, they agreed not to tell anyone or let anyone find out. It could be dangerous if someone realised what was going on between them.
Not that much is going on - they mostly just make out and say they love each other. Everything else, the cuddling and the sharing all their stuff and spending every minute of the day together, they did that before. Now, though, Jawn feels giddy every time Awsten touches him, because he knows Awsten loves him back.
“Do you wanna stay over tonight?” Awsten asks, leaning against the next locker. Probably trying to look cool, but he looks like as much of a dork as he usually does.
It’s a Friday, so Jawn would normally stay at Awsten’s house anyway. He doesn’t really need to ask. It’s like he’s trying to be casual about all this, which he doesn’t need to be. Jawn is obsessed with Awsten, they can be a little bit weird about it.
“Sure.” Jawn shrugs, trying to match the casualness. He gives Awsten a little smile. “We can watch a movie or something.”
‘Watch a movie’ has quickly become code for ‘ignore the movie and make out’ between them. It’s their new favourite thing to do together. Awsten is bitey, and his hands wander under Jawn’s shirt, but Jawn sincerely doesn’t mind. It allows him to put his hands in Awsten’s soft hair and keep their faces close even when they pull away.
Awsten grins. “I’ve got an idea. Follow me.”
Rarely is Awsten having an idea a good sign, but Jawn follows along anyway. One of these days, his blind loyalty will get him in serious trouble, but it hasn’t happened yet. He follows Awsten to a corridor far from the lunchrooms, where no one will pass by and see them. Awsten tugs him into an alcove, putting his guitar case down against the wall. Jawn makes a mental note not to let him forget it.
“Hi.” Awsten whispers. He puts one hand on Jawn’s hip. “You’re so goddamn pretty.”
Jawn giggles. “Not as pretty as you.”
“Shut up.” Awsten blushes, pressing their foreheads together. “I missed you so bad.”
“We’ve been together all morning.” Jawn slides his arms around Awsten’s neck, pulling him closer.
“You know what I mean. It isn’t the same.” Awsten rubs his thumb over Jawn’s waist, over his shirt. “Would you get mad at me if I kissed you right now?”
Jawn has gotten annoyed at Awsten for being affectionate with him in public recently. Before they started dating, they would hug all the time. They would grab the other by the hand and drag them towards whatever had caught their interest. Things are different now. Someone could find them out. That would ruin everything.
Despite that, Jawn really wants to. There’s no one here right now, it can’t be that bad, right?
“No.” Jawn whispers. “That would be okay.”
Awsten presses their lips together briefly, then pulls away. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Jawn pulls Awsten into a hug.
They stand there for a while, holding each other tight. Awsten rests one hand on the back of Jawn’s head with his other arm wrapped around his waist. Jawn keeps his arms around Awsten’s neck, clinging to him.
“Hey.” Awsten presses a kiss to the side of Jawn’s head. “We’re gonna be alright. One day we’re gonna live somewhere where I can kiss you in the street and no one will care. I promise you that.”
“I know.” Jawn says, because Awsten reminds him every time he gets a shadow of a doubtful look over his face.
“Just making sure you remember, baby.” Awsten nuzzles into Jawn’s neck. “I cannot wait to watch a movie with you later.”
Jawn giggles. “One day you’re gonna get sick of it.”
“Not possible. You’re my favourite thing in the world.” Awsten kisses him again, lingering a little longer this time. “Okay, that’s enough gay stuff. We gotta go.”
“One more.” Jawn kisses him quickly. “Okay, let’s go.”
Awsten walks away and forgets his guitar, but Jawn grabs it for him. One of them has to keep on top of stuff.
The movie finished half an hour ago, but neither of them have gotten up to change the DVD in the player. They aren’t making out, either. Jawn is curled up with his head against Awsten’s chest, eyes closed but not asleep. He thinks Awsten must be, because he hasn’t moved in a while. His hand rests in Jawn’s hair, fingers scratching occasionally. When Jawn looks up, Awsten’s eyes are closed, but his breathing suggests he’s still awake.
Jawn sighs, pushing himself up so he’s leaning on his elbows. He brushes Awsten’s bangs out of his face and kisses him on the nose. Awsten’s eyes flutter open, and he smiles.
“Baby~” Jawn whispers. “We better go to bed.”
It’s not that late - just past midnight - but Awsten likes to go to bed early. He gets cranky if he doesn’t get enough sleep, and Jawn would like to avoid that as much as possible. Neither of them deals very well with the other getting mad.
“Wait.” Awsten mumbles. “I have a present for you.”
“Oh?” Jawn sits up as Awsten climbs off of the bed and goes over to his desk.
If Jawn hadn’t been coming round to Awsten’s house for multiple years at this point, he wouldn’t know it was a desk. There’s so much stuff piled up on and around it that it looks like a mound of sheet music and CDs. Awsten rummages through until he finds a box that Jawn recognises as his bracelet-making box. He pulls something out of it, then jumps back onto the bed.
“You don’t have to wear it.” Awsten keeps his hands cupped over whatever it is, so Jawn can’t see it. “I just thought… it kinda sucks not being able to be out in public or whatever, so, um, I made you this.”
Awsten opens his hands to reveal a black and red bead bracelet, with a white letter A bead in the middle of it. Jawn gasps and takes it immediately, sliding it onto his wrist without thinking. He climbs into Awsten’s lap and plants kisses all over his face.
“I guess you like it?” Awsten wraps his arms around Jawn’s middle and squeezes him.
“Yes? It’s adorable. Like a promise ring, but more scene.” Jawn puts his hands on Awsten’s face and kisses him on the lips. “Get me your box, I’m gonna make you one.”
“Okie.” Awsten kisses him again, then pushes him off so he can go back to his desk.
He brings the bead box over, and Jawn sets to work picking colours. It takes him a while to find a J letter bead in there, because it isn’t something that they use frequently, but he digs one out and puts it aside. Jawn picks out two different shades of blue, one light and one dark as Awsten watches.
“You didn’t ask me what colour I wanted.” He notes.
“I know what your favourite colour is, dude.” Jawn says as he starts putting the bracelet together. “Are you disagreeing with my colour choices?”
“No.” Awsten leans his chin on Jawn’s shoulder, his lips close to Jawn’s ear. “I think it’s very cute that you remember stuff about me.”
Jawn shudders as Awsten’s warm breath ghosts over his skin. “I’m not you. I don’t just forget everything.”
“I have a condition.” Awsten headbutts him. He’s referring to his ADHD. “You aren’t allowed to be mean to me about it.”
“I’m not being mean. I’m just sayin’.” Jawn turns his head and kisses Awsten on the nose. “I love you anyway.”
Awsten melts into him, giggling. Jawn wants to hug him again, but his hands are occupied making the bracelet. Instead he shuffles over so his back is against Awsten’s chest, sitting between his legs. With a relaxed sigh, Awsten wraps his arms around Jawn and rocks him a little.
“You know, I never thought we’d be doing this.” Jawn whispers as he threads the J bead onto the middle of the bracelet.
“Making bracelets for each other?” Awsten asks, watching Jawn’s hands work.
“No, I think that part was inevitable. I mean the whole dating thing.” Jawn pauses for a moment as he realises they never exactly had this whole conversation. “We are dating, right?”
“Yeah, babe, of course we are. I mean, only if you want to?” Awsten sounds unsure, nervous.
“Of course I do.” Jawn tilts his head back so he can kiss Awsten on the cheek. “I guess that makes us boyfriends.”
“Cute.” Awsten agrees. He nuzzles into Jawn’s neck.
Jawn finishes the bracelet, tying it off to make a complete loop. He hands it to Awsten, who slips it onto his wrist beside the rest of his bracelets. Holding it beside Jawn’s, he grins.
“This is great. Now we know that we’re sickeningly in love, but no one else does. It’s like friendship bracelets, but gayer.” Awsten sighs, slumping against Jawn. “We really should go to bed.”
“I’m not taking the bracelet off.” Jawn says as he lays down against the wall. He isn’t going to get pushed off the tiny twin bed again tonight. “I’m gonna wear it until I die.”
Awsten pulls off all his other bracelets, leaving Jawn’s behind on his wrist. He lays down beside Jawn and laces their fingers together. “What if we break up and you hate me? Will you take it off then?”
“I don’t think I could ever hate you unless you like… killed my dog.” Jawn shrugs.
Awsten looks horrified. “I would never kill a dog.”
“Then I guess I’ll love you forever.” Jawn pulls Awsten against him, their foreheads pressed together. “Goodnight, baby.”
“Night, sweetheart.” Awsten turns over to switch off the lamp, then settles back in Jawn’s arms again.
Jawn is aware that Awsten is touching his arm, but he’s too focused on taking notes to really acknowledge it. He needs to pass this class - geometry is not his strong suit. If he fails it again, his mother will kill him. Awsten doesn’t seem so bothered - he sails through school with straight Cs and no one seems to care.
It’s not like anyone really cares about Jawn’s grades either, but he does. He gets anxious when his report card is less than perfect. Which is all the time, so he’s always anxious. Although that may be coincidence rather than confluence.
Because he’s distracted, Jawn doesn’t look down at what Awsten is doing to his arm for about ten minutes. When he finally does, he has to repress a laugh. Awsten has taken a fine line marker and drawn a garden of flowers all over Jawn’s forearm.
Awsten looks up at him and grins. He draws a little heart, hidden between all the flowers, and taps it with the other end of his pen. Jawn smiles at him. He gets it.
Once class is over, Jawn admires the flowers adorning his left arm. They’re all different, although he couldn’t name any particular species. He doesn’t know enough about flowers. There’s dozens of them, all up the back of his forearm, wrist to elbow.
“They’re pretty.” Jawn says at lunch, sitting beside Awsten under the shade of a tree. No one can see them, facing away from the rest of the school, so their knees are touching but nothing more. “But, like, why?”
“I got bored. You have nice arms, they’re like perfect drawing material.” Awsten takes Jawn’s wrist and runs his index finger over the drawings. “You know you can never wash this off, right? It’s my pièce de résistance. My one great art piece. I’ll never do anything better than this.”
“It’s just flowers. I can’t stop showering forever.” Jawn says.
He is going to at least try and keep the flowers for a while. They’re cute, he likes them. Jawn always talks about getting tattoos when he’s old enough. He has tons of ideas and plans and scribbled drawings for his future inks. Awsten is scared of needles, so he has no plans to get tattoos no matter how much Jawn begs him to.
“Sure you can. You don’t have anyone else to impress.” Awsten grins at him.
“Future employers, perhaps?”
“Nah. You don’t need a job. I’ll provide for you.” Awsten nudges Jawn in the side. “You can be my housewife.”
“I am not a housewife.” Jawn insists, scandalised.
“You’re always cleaning and you made me pancakes. That’s housewife material.” Awsten links their pinky fingers together, hands on the ground between them so they’re hard to see if anyone approaches them.
Jawn scoffs. “No. I don’t think so.”
“Fine. You can be my beautiful hard working boyfriend with the cool tattoos and the pretty hair.” Awsten ruffles Jawn’s long dark hair. Jawn blushes. “And I’ll be the failed musician.”
“You’ll be the successful musician boyfriend. In LA with a cool apartment and like, seventeen guitars.”
“I don’t really care.” Awsten admits. “As long as you’re there with me.”
“I will be. I promise.”
Jawn hasn’t seen Awsten for two whole days. His parents took him to visit relatives, meaning they couldn’t spend every second of their weekend off together. They texted back and forth constantly, of course, but it isn’t the same as sitting in their bedrooms blasting Cobra Starship and playing Spyro. On Friday afternoon, Awsten kissed him goodbye behind the bike sheds at school, crying like they were being split up for a year rather than forty eight hours.
Because he got home just before midnight on Sunday, and he sucks at being a functional person, Jawn is running late for school on Monday morning. He misses the bus and has to beg his mom to drive him in instead. His phone buzzes while his mom is lecturing him in the car - it’s Awsten.
A: bby where r u :(
J: omw runnin late overslept
A: miss u <3
J: miss u 2 <3
Minutes before their first period begins, Jawn sprints into the school building. He drops into his chair beside Awsten about ten seconds before the final bell rings. This doesn’t give them time to talk, but Awsten squeezes his hand under their desk as Jawn tries to catch his breath.
It’s so electric being in the same room as Awsten again that Jawn cannot concentrate on their math lesson. He keeps knocking their knees together, reminding Awsten that he came right back, like he promised. Awsten has his hand covering his mouth, but Jawn knows from the light in his eyes that he’s grinning like an idiot.
Part way through the lesson that neither of them are paying attention to, Awsten tears a corner out of his notebook and scribbles something on it. He folds it in half, then slides it over to Jawn. With a raised eyebrow, Jawn picks it up and opens it at an angle he hopes the teacher can’t see.
Did u miss me?
◻yes <3
◻no :(
Jawn stifles a giggle, checks one of the boxes with a glitter pen that Awsten bought him for his birthday, and hands it back. Awsten opens it, and grins when he sees that Jawn checked yes.
“Of course I missed you.” Jawn says later that day, when they’re lying on his bed. They intended to take an afternoon nap together, but neither of them has been able to keep from kissing the other. “Why wouldn’t I miss you?”
“I dunno. ‘Cause I’m annoying?” Awsten buries his face in Jawn’s neck.
“Well, yeah. But you’re a fun kind of annoying.” Jawn scratches his nails along Awsten’s spine. “I mostly just missed this. Holding you like this, y’know.”
“Yeah.” Awsten sighs, his breath warm against Jawn’s neck. “One day we’ll be able to do this every day, ‘cause we’ll live together.”
“We can wake up together every morning and not worry about anyone seeing us together.” Jawn rolls on top of Awsten and kisses his cheekbone. “And I’ll make you pancakes whenever you want.”
Awsten rests his hands on Jawn's hips. “It’ll be great. I’ll never have to pass you a note again. We can just talk to each other.”
“You can still leave me notes if you want.” Jawn says sheepishly. He doesn’t want to admit that he keeps all the stupid little notes that Awsten writes him in a box in his closet. “It’s cute.”
“You’re cute.” Awsten bumps their noses together. “You’re my sweetheart, you know.”
Jawn giggles. “We’re gonna be that gross old couple who have been together for like, seven decades.”
“Good. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Awsten rolls them over again so they’re lying on their side. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Jawn snuggles into him. “We’re gonna be alright.”
“Of course.” Awsten agrees. “I promise.”