Archive of Our Own ^beta

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1. Do not remove this list from this room.

1a. The bin does not count as this room.

1b. Neither does the ceiling. I don't know who did this but I will find out and you will be on crèche duty for a month.

2. This is a Jedi-only shared space, senators are not Jedi.

2a. Neither are clones.

3. Knives are not to be used in place of lightsabers.

3a. If you must use a knife in the case of self defence, please wash it before returning it to the draw. 

4. Do not use knives to fight against lightsabers. It does not work and the budget does not allow for this many knives to be brought without questions.

5. Do not use lightsabers as a knife.

6. Do not use lightsabers as toasters. It will not work and we can not afford to waste this much bread.

7. The next person to swap knives and lightsabers in anyway is cleaning this kitchen for the rest of the year with no assistance. 

7a. Padawan Tano you did this to yourself.

7b. Knight Skywalker, I don't care that your Padawan did it first, you can join her on cleaning duty.

8. Do not play any instruments after 23 parts of a cycle or start before 5 parts of a cycle.

8a. This includes recordings of instruments.

8b. That does not mean you can sing from 23 parts to 5 parts. How did you even manage to keep going for so long?

9. All questions on this list are rhetorical. I do not want to know.

10. Do not teach the younglings to curse.

10a. That does not mean teach them to curse in Huttese, Knight Skywalker

10b. Or Kel Dor, Master Koon.

11. Do not teach the younglings, or anyone for that matter, to curse in any language. 

11a. Knight Skywalker, I don't know what language that was and I don't care that its not written or offical. Don't teach the younglings to swear.

12. Although the Jedi order is inclusive of all, including any and all dietary requirements and traditions, we ask you to please label all food in the cupboards and fridge.

12a. That does not mean label them in a language no one else can understand. 

12b. Also label the liquids.

13.  All crushed-insect flour is now banned from this area. Please keep it in your personal dorms.

13a. Yes, this includes bone-flour, and any other animal based flour

14. A reminder that no, clones are not allowed in private Jedi areas.

15. I don't know who put it there, and I don't want to know. Please removed the stuffed tooka from the counter, It's scaring the younglings.

16. Please remove all stuffed animals from the common areas. 

16a. Whoever is making them, I will happily sign you up for craft classes if it means you'll stop making eyes that stare into my soul more than a sith's would. 

17. Knight Skywalker, I don't care what they're paying you, I'll double it. Stop advertising for pro-droid companies in the middle of battle.

18. Padawan Tano, please do not copy your Master. 

19. Do not drag the clones into any of your shenanigans. 

19a. Even if they want to.

19b. You can stop them, you are their superior officers.  

19c. If they refuse to listen and are at risk of injury, contact your local medic. 

20. Explaining a plan is a good thing, explaining why a plan is not a bad one is quite another and should not go on for more than thirty seconds.

20a. If it exceeds thirty seconds, do not do it with out clearance from a higher ranking officer. Even if you have to go to the Chancellor himself. 

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21. None of us have credits, therefore stop making bets with said credits.

21a. If you somehow have credits, I don't want to know how because you defiently didn't get them from here.

21b. We don't get paid. Thats how I know you didn't get them from here.

22. Master Yoda, you are hereby forbidden from adding anything to this list.

23. I am not required to explain any rules on this list.

24. Bribery does not work on Jedi.

24a. It should not work on Jedi. 

25. If someone you know is accepting bribes please report them to a higher ranking officer.

25a. If its Master Yoda, ignore it. For my sake.

26. Again, Clones are not Jedi.

26a. Even if you give them a lightsaber.

26b. And robes.

27. If Basic is not your first language, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for assistance from another Jedi. It is not acceptable to ask assistance from citizens to spellcheck classified documents.

27a. Yes, even if they're senators. 

27b. Especially if they're senators.

28. Illegal pod racing is just that; illegal.

28a. Entering under a fake name doesn't stop it from being illegal, I would ask who raised you but unfortunately I already know. 

29. Knives have now been removed from general shared areas. If you require a knife, go to a council member and ask for one. 

30. Black markets for knives are forbidden.

31. Black markets for anything are forbidden.

31a. Even if the thing itself is legal.

32. It does not physically pain you to follow the law, stop acting like it does.

33. Who ever removed the third last page from Master Koon's book, I will not help you.

33a. Master Yoda will not help you either, nor will Masters Billaba, Piell or Gallia.

33b. Master Kenobi will not help you because he is busy with his own problem.

34. Posting classified documents on the holonet is highly discouraged. 

35. This room smells like blue paint. I don't want to know what happened, but remember to turn on the filters next time. 

35a. Do not ask how I know what blue paint smells like. You know now too, it smells like this room.

36. Explaining why you did something will not help you avoid punishment. 

36a. Especially if you start the explanation with "It was a good idea"

36b. Doubly so if the next word is "but" 

37. "You break it you pay for it" Only works when the party in question has credits.

38. You can not fly with the force, stop trying to.

38a. Next person in medical with a broken bone gets crèche duty for a year.

39. Everything I say is completely serious. Do not question me. I will go through with it.

40. Knight Skywalker, it might be in your best interests to invest in some stealth lessons at the temple. 

40a. I said what I said, I don't care what bets I just disrupted. Again, see point 21.

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41. The bald jokes will stop now.

41a. Mirror jokes are banned as well.

41b. It is not "sad", it makes it easier to fight. I will gladly demonstrate how. 

42. For all our sakes, do not ask Knight Skywalker how to build a droid. No one has a spare 19 parts of a cycle to give to him. 

42a. Padawan Tano, I know you asked him and I know it worked out well for you but please do not recommend asking him to other Padawans. And on that note;

43. Repurposed battle droids are not allowed inside the temple. I don't care if they've been reprogrammed, they give the younglings nightmares. 

44. Salvaged assassin droids are also not allowed in the temple for the same reason.

44a. I am not going to explain why this is a terrible idea. Use that common sense I hope you still have.

45. All salvaged droids that originated from the separatists are banned from the temple. 

46. Do your own laundry. If you don't know how, someone will gladly teach you. 

46a. If no one will teach you, teach yourself.

47. Washing detergent is now rationed to one quarter cup per load. Please see the nearest council member for you quarter cup. 

47a. If you do not use your ration, we will know and will not give you anymore washing detergent until we know you have used it.

48. As stated previously, it is still a black market even if the item in question is legal. 

49. The clones now also have rations on washing detergent.

50. Please do not acquire detergent from any unsuspecting senators. We do not need to be investigated for missing detergent.

50a. Or suspecting senators. 

50b. Or any civilians. 

51. Anyone found with more than one quarter cup of washing detergent is banned from all common areas for two parts of a rotation. 

52. Master Yoda is now banned from the common areas.

52a. I did say I would. 

53. Padawan Offee, I appreciate your interest in seeing the war from both sides, but stop giving the younglings separatist propaganda lines to say to any unsuspecting reporters. It is causing  panic in the senate.  

53a. This is not a good thing.

53b. It does not matter if a senator, who shall remain unnamed, thinks it is funny. It is spreading disinformation. 

54. Do not correct true statements with disinformation. 

54a. Disinformation is deliberately wrong information. Misinformation means something you thought was true wasn't. 

54b. That does not mean you can claim to not know it wasn't true.

55. Knight Skywalker is banned from speaking to the press after yesterdays events. Please keep him away from them. 

56. Any one caught helping Knight Skywalker talk to reporters shall be helping him repair the temples droids.  

56a. That includes senators, clones and civilians.

57. I do not make idle threats.

58. Threatening cleaning duty and upholding my threat does not make me a Sith lord. 

58a. When I find who started this, they will be on cleaning duty.

59. If a clone has asked you to refer to them by a name, do so. 

59a. This was not the go ahead to name yourself explicit words or phrases. 

60. At this point, clones are allowed in this space as long as they have supervision from a higher ranking Jedi. 

60a. Don't deny they come in here now, I know they have been.

60b. A good chunk of the points on this list are about them, did you really think I didn't know?

60c. All of you are being re-enrolled in stealth and detection. And having your brains scanned for tumours. 

 

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61. No one is allowed to talk to any senator without at least one Jedi present that is not themselves.

61a. This includes the Clones, but does not include senators talking to other senators. As far as I'm concerned they did this to themselves. 

62. No one has the ability to override these rules. Not even Master Yoda.

62a. This includes all senators. They not only don't have the ability or right to, but I do not know why they would. 

62b. Including the Chancellor.

63. No one is to talk to the Chancellor without the presences of a trustworthy Jedi. 

63a. Yes, once again, this includes Clones.

63b. I know Commander Fox works closely with the Chancellor, but I'm sure he appreciates this rule more then some of you.

63c. You know who you are; I don't care to ask how or why you are 'close friends' with the Chancellor, but yes, this rule still applies to you. Just like the rest of them do.

64. Sneaking out of the temple using the vents is now forbidden due to the amount of things being left in said vents.

64a. That includes lightsabers.

65. Loosing your lightsaber in the middle of the battle is careless but understandable, loosing your lightsaber because you "forgot I put it there" is not only irresponsible but downright stupid. 

65a. "I couldn't carry it with me, it looks suspicious" is not only an awful reason, but it makes you more suspicious.

66. Don't lie to me, I will know and I will not care for the reasons why. 

67. Padawan Tano, stop telling the younglings that its a lineage tradition for you to either die or turn to the dark-side before you're 25 rotations old. Master Kenobi has managed to avoid both and he is over 25 rotations.

68. Master Kenobi, stop telling people you would rather turn to the dark-side then tell them your age. 

69. Knight Skywalker, if it makes you laugh for more than thirty seconds, it is not a good thing. 

69a. Unless it's about the senate.

69b. Or, depending on the situation, about the separatists. 

69c. It is best to check with a council member before hand. Not including Masters Kenobi and Plo Koon.

70. In fact, if it makes any of you laugh for more than thirty seconds, it is not a good thing. 

70a. Just because the rule started with Knight Skywalker does not make it any less of a valid rule.

71. Next person to ask "Does that include clones?" will get the word 'yes' tattooed across this forehead in the middle of the night and none of you will ever know who did it. 

71a. So you can listen? Good.

72. The phrase "rules are meant to be broken" and all its variations are banned from being uttered in this temple, in the senate or on any military grounds. You will be on archive duty for a month. 

72a. Screaming the words are the same as speaking the words which is the same as uttering. Don't test me. 

73. The way to get around the above rule is not to go and stand outside the temple by exactly .5 cm and then say it. You still break the rule inside the temple, ergo you still get the punishment. 

74. URGENT: All Clones now have mandatory medical examinations due to left over shrapnel being found in the flesh of multiple clones.

74a. This is non-negotiable. 

75. Please stop taping photos of Master Yoda mediating upside down over all the security cameras in the senate. You'll give the guards more heart attacks.

75a. Do not tape a right-side up Master Yoda mediating over all the security cameras in the senate either. 

75b. Or the cameras in the temple.

75c. Or anywhere. 

76. Do not tape photos of various other Jedi in various other positions over the cameras. 

76. No photos of senators, civilians or anyone, either. 

77. Don't, for the love of the force, tape bottle caps, pens, socks, data-pads, spare parts or lightsabers, over the force-damned cameras. This would be crèche duty for you all but I don't want you infecting the children.  

77a. It may be too late for some of them, but I have hope for the next generation. 

78. Do not tape anything over the cameras anywhere.

78a. This does not mean, Knight Skywalker, you stick them to the cameras by other means. Including the force, or through some mechanical invention of yours. 

79. Do not ask me if I regret my life choices. You known the answer. 

80. Master Plo wears a mask because he does not breathe the same concentration of air as most humanoids do. It is not because he can't stand the smell of you, or your friends, or your enemies. 

You have {1} new message

Highest priority alert sent at 15:06 parts

The 501st battalion is on mandatory medical leave following a highly contagious virus spreading through their troops. While the virus is harmless it has been known to give extreme temperatures and aches, greatly setting back battles. As such, the 501st, and any battalions thought to be in contact with any of their troops within the last 31 days are now in deep space isolation. Please see your nearest medic for more information or if you have been in contact with anyone from the 501st or who you think may be infected. 

Please click to accept this message

>>{Yes}<<

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81. If you are on an isolated planet that knows little about Jedi, it is forbidden to claim to be a witch.

81a. Or claim to be a wizard

81b. Or warlock

81c. Or any other kind of magical sentient being 

82. Claiming to use Black Magic is also forbidden.

82a. Or any magic.

83. The force does not count as magic.

83a. Even if you really want it to

84. Ignoring orders for the following reasons are not valid, nor have they ever been;

• "It was a stupid order" and variations of it.
  
  
• "I forgot"
  
  
• "I just didn't feel like it"
  
  
• "Meh"

85. If you really need a knife for something, a form is located in the archives for a request of purchase. 

86. The correct way to react to an assassin is not laugh in their face.

86a. You also shouldn't be critiquing their fashion choices even if they are awful.

86b. Just because I said it on a list that they'll never see, doesn't mean you have to say it to their faces.

87. Sometimes it is better to not repeat everything you hear to everyone else. On that note, the younglings are being investigated for corruption. 

88. Droid races are not permitted in temple halls.

88a. Or anywhere in the temple.

88b. No where in this galaxy are you allowed to race droids. Not while I live and breathe.

89. The correct response to "not in this galaxy" is not look for a way to travel to another one. 

89a. Being sure of your calculations means nothing to me after I saw you fall down three flights of stairs while staring straight ahead two parts of a rotation ago. 

90. Do not "work your way around rules" by doing everything upside down. Not only have you broken the rule still, but you looked incredibly stupid doing it.

90a. Don't do anything inside the walls either, I'm not sure how structurally sound the temple is. It's being held together by my sanity and the force at this point, and one of those is failing at an alarming rate.

91. Fives is no longer permitted to be anywhere near anything labeled with a five. 

91a. Similarly, any Clone with a number based name is forbidden from anything also named that number. Seeing "(Clone number)'s (number)" is going to cause Master Ti to start naming clones after other things just to watch peoples faces when they try and read reports later on. We ask you stop giving her ideas.

92. In general, do not give Master Ti ideas. 

92a. Especially if it involves clones. 

93. Drinking, as long as the Jedi in question is of age, is allowed in the communal bar while dirt side and on leave. Drinking while underage and in hyperspace on a Republic cruiser, is not.

93a. Finishing the mission is not an excuse.

93b. Nor are "celebratory drinks". I know you are celebrating going in and out of hyper space, which is not a cause for celebration.

93c. Tell you what, win this war within the next 24 hours and I allow each and every one of you to get as drunk as you like, anywhere you like.

94. Master Windu is forbidden from issues challenges that he knows someone will take up - Master Fisto

94a. Master Fisto, with all due respect as your fellow Master Jedi and council member, you took up that challenge. 

95. I am the only one allowed to add anything to this list unless I, and I alone, give permisson.

95a. A piece of paper with the words "I can write on the list - signed Master Windu" written in barely legible Basic is not permission. 

96. Do not in any way act violently towards reporters. I understand they can be irritable but we do not need a law suit. Remember, we do not have any money.

97. I’ve been informed that the above rule is invalid in this case. The situation that  caused me to add this was when a reporter was punched directing in his species facial area by a Jedi. I have since been informed that this occurred due to the fact that the  reporter in question asked an unnamed female Padawan what is was like to be with her master as well as making several comments about her body and species. The Padawans Master is question was luckily not in the area, so no body disposal is needed. 

97a. Don’t worry. The Padawans Master knows and is currently being prevented, somewhat reluctantly I might add, from committing several crimes.

98. It is immoral and illegal for a Jedi, or anyone for that matter, to strike a reporter regardless of what they have said. However, having a senator quietly spread the news of what has occured and ruining their reputation, relationships and life, is perfectly legal. 

99. Unless bells bear a cultural significance to you, wearing anymore than two small bells at any given time is banned. 

99a. I assure you, you are the only one who thinks they sound cool. 

100. Congratulations! You’ve all officially caused me to lose at least 100 brain cells! That’s about one for every point on this list! 

101. Regarding the previous rule: breaking into the senate is illegal. Don’t do it. Especially if they’re currently in session. 
 

101a. Yes. That does include clones.

 

 

 

 

-Click

"Commander?"

"General."

"Are you ready?"

"And waiting, sir."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Never been more sure in all my existence."

"It is treason soldier."

"So is suicide, general."

". . ."

"If we do not proceed, it is as good as turning our own blasters on ourselves."

". . ."

"General?"

"Proceed with the plan, commander." 

-Click

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102. We formally request that you stop throwing deactivated explosives around like toys, they can easily be reactivated. 

102a. Throwing active explosives is banned and has been for years. You are not the first to think it is an acceptable idea, you are not as cool as you think you are.

103. You can throw explosives at the separatists as long as you know they are separatists and you have permission from your general.

103a. Knight Skywalker, I shouldn't be surprised, but you've managed, yet again, to make me so. 

103b. Separatist sympathising senators do not count as separatists on paper. 

104. Generals, laying down a blanket rule that it is okay to throw explosives will end poorly. I hope you will reconsider your orders. 

104a. Commanders and Captain, this also applies to you.

104b. Yes, Captain singular. They know who they are.

105. I would just like to say 'I told you so'.

106. Do not eat food on guard duty unless absolutely needed. In that case, eat ration bars. 

106a. Drinking is fine.

106b. Drinking water is fine. 

107. Some medication needs to be taken on schedule, it is perfectly acceptable to take this while on duty. But we request you stop making it look like you're doing drugs, the media has enough reason to hate us already. 

107a. I know that most medications are drugs, but taking pills while saying "That's the good stuff" or similar is extremely misleading.

108. Do not give senators to the separatists in exchange for free passage through enemy space. 

108a. Even if they volunteered. 

109. Do not trade senators to the separatists for anything.

109a. Even instant victory of a battle

110. Do not trade anyone to anyone for anything.

111. A reminder to not taunt the press. I know it is very amusing that they are not allowed over the boundary to the temple without facing a lawsuit, but standing just out of earshot and discussing highly classified information is not a wise decision. 

111a. Seriously, I don't know how long the threat of a lawsuit will hold them back. It is like putting live prey right in front of a tied up tooka, eventually it's just going to break the cord. 

112. The Jedi stand firmly against slavers but we ask you please do not leave their bodies lying around in places where they can be found.

113. If the phrase " It's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission" is uttered in my vicinity one more time, I'm going to make you wish you had asked. 

113a. You can not ask permission to do something while doing said thing. It does not work like that

114. You are not allowed to start a third fraction in the war.

115. You are not allowed to join a third fraction in the war.

116. You are not allowed to start and then recruit for and/or join a third fraction in the war called "not a third fraction"

116a. Or by any other names.

116b. No name is a name

117. Please do not call senators any of the following; immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, sleemo, krifface, worse-then-sand, stabbable or flammable.

117a. That was not an invitation to try and say all of these in a single sentence to a senator. It was not a challenge, therefore you automatically loose.

117b. I don't care that the "winner" was a senator. I really don't. I don't even know who it was but I do. In my soul, I know who it was.

118. Senator Amidala is no longer allowed to have opinions on this list.

118a. Senator Amidala is allowed to have opinions on this list as long as she doesn't share them with any of the following; Jedi, Clones, civilians, ex-Jedi, separatists, senators and/or droids

119. A casual third-times a charm reminder that senators are not allowed inside the Jedi temple without express permission from the council. 

119a. Them being your friend does not help the situation. Being friends with them only makes me more inclined to say no

120. Spite is not a Sith emotion. 

120a. This is all I have, you can pry it from my cold, very much alive, hands.

Object Found: Single piece of fabric: white, cotton

Origin undetermined: awaiting further analysis

About arms length: Possibly from clothing

Frayed edges: ripped

Words on one side: "Bargon wan che copa"

Language Identified: Huttese

Approximate translation: "There will be no bargain"

Ink: No

Colour: #880808

Analysis running: Go

Analysis complete: liquid identified: Blood: Human

Scanning records: No matches

Updated file: Location of found object: Supreme Chancellor Palpatine office

File Update: Location of found object: unknown

File: History: Clear: Done

File: Order: Resume task

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121. No, you are not allowed to 'adopt' wild Tookas and take them aboard any republic ship.

121a. Even if they look very lonely. They aren't. They just know you are weak. 

122. You are not allowed to 'commandeer' a separatist ship unless under orders to do so.

122a. Or any ship for that matter, including "changing sides and taking a republic ship". That being said;

123. Do not claim to have swapped sides for ANY reason at ANY time in ANY locations. Need I remind you that we are already being investigated due to Padawan Offee's 'teaching practices'? 

123a. I shouldn't have to say this, but then again this list exists for a reason so; Don't actually swap sides either.

124. A data chip has been provided to all battalions of the locations of any safe and willing animal rescue shelters. Please use them to house dangerous creatures instead of your room.

125. Jedi have brought younglings to the temple for centuries and only with express permission from their family and/or guardians. That being said, stop telling the senators you were stolen away from your family as a child and were raised in quote "a cult like atmosphere".

125a. The Jedi relations could not possibly get any worse with the senate, please stop trying to make it so.

126. I appreciate clones naming themselves, in fact I, and many of the council, think it should be a necessary thing for all clones to be addressed by their chosen name. However if I hear even one more pun out of any of you, I will go back to codes as names.  

127. I would like to apologise for the previous statement and reaffirm that your name, and identity, is not conditional. Offenders of the above rule will get 6 month dish-duty for their legion. 

127a. Yes, Hindsight you 'should have seen this coming'

127b. Chance, you can join your brother on dish-duty. "What are the chances of that!" should not be your first response when something goes wrong. 

127c. Or when something goes right. Or anything at all happens.

128. This list is not called "Top things to do on leave" or any variation of. 

128a. Handing out copies of this list with a poorly drawn over title replaced with the words "Opposite Day ;)" will result in- you know what? I can't today, I just can't. Keep doing it and see if I care when you get arrested. 

128b. Please follow the rules on this list not your own variations. 

129. This list is not to be handed out to the following: senators, civilians, droids, separatists or the supreme chancellor. 

129a. Especially do not hand it over without any context then run away laughing. 

130. Please do not pick-up, adopt, kidnap, befriend or steal anything that is alive, dead or in anyway existing.

131. When in battle, do not do something just because quote you "think it will be cool"

131a. It could well be a very good idea, and you could succeed using it, however the second the words "it would be cool" come out of your mouth, you instantly discredit whatever comes next. 

132. Clearly none of you can be trusted with Basic. The words "I think this will be cool" and "It would be cool though" have now been banned from all reports, assessments, council sessions, planning, battle strategy and life itself. 

132a. None of you should be trusted with any languages.

133. Knight Skywalker is reminded to not teach anyone to curse in any language. 

133a. Cursing doesn't count as learning a language, even in the case that a majority of its words are rude ones.

133b. Even if you were asked what the rude ones were.

133c. Senator Amidala will just have to find someone else to teach her Huttese, I'm afraid. 

134. Flirting with the enemy is not a valid tactic.

134a. You know what, I've held my tongue long enough. Master Kenobi if you flirt with one more separatist I am going to assume you a sympathiser and have you charged with treason, understood? You are traumatising everyone around you. 

135. I said what I force damned said.

136. The clones are allowed to take as much caf as they want from this room and others like it since the senate decided to forgo their usual supply due to 'budget cuts' 

136a. Particularly the coruscant guard. 

137. "The force made me do it" is not an excuse, nor reason. Guard duty in the east wing for a month if you even try. 

137a. If you can somehow prove the force made you do it, I will sincerely apologise and take up guard duty myself. 

138. A word of warning to those making bets about the force; Knight Skywalker is banned from participating because he can and will prove you wrong.

138a. And he will be insufferable before, during and after he has done so. 

138b. Knight Skywalker, you are still grinning. Humble doesn't suit you when we all know it's a lie.

139. For clones, mostly the 501st legion; No, it's not normal for a Jedi to do that. No, I don't know either, no one, least of all they themselves, do. Its best not to think too hard about it

139a. Yes actually, this was targeted. Congratulations on figuring that out, I tried so hard to remain unbiased. 

140. Open to all: stealth and subterfuge lessons begin in the third hall on the second floor of the temple at 3 parts past the highest hour. 

{TEXT CHAIN: FILE RECOVERY} 

RECIPIENT A: And the files will be delivered on schedual? 

RECIPIENT B: Yes, [unreadable: data corrupt] and the Jetiise are in position for [unreadable: data corrupt]

RECIPIENT A: It will be good to have Cin vhetin, vod.

RECIPIENT B: [unreadable: data corrupt] well, ner vod. 

RECIPIENT A: Ret'urcye mhi

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141. Do not steal training lightsabers to teach non-Jedi how to use them "in case of an emergency". A lightsaber is a unique Jedi weapon and is an important cultural and religious part of our society. If you are not a Jedi, please refrain from using one unless it is genuinely life or death.

141a. "They need to train in case it is a life or death emergency" is not an excuse. 

141b. Making someone an honorary Jedi doesn't make them eligible for a lightsaber. It just makes you more responsible. 

142. Contrary to popular belief, the council is not "as blind as a gundark in a desert". You aren't hiding anything nearly as well as you would like to think you are.

143. The temple has security cameras. 

143a. This isn't a new addition either.

143b. This isn't a rule, its a reminder. 

143c. Please. 

144. Most of Coruscant is covered in security cameras. If you are going to do something you don't wish to have end up on the 18 parts News or plastered all over the holonet, look for a camera first. 

144a. Including civilians with cameras.  

144b. If you think this is targeted, Master Kenobi, that's because it is.

144c. Complain about it again and the next council session will be us watching the compilation of "Jedi Master Kenobi fails!" until the session is over. 

145. Do not replace your blasters with over powered water guns and take them into battle.

145a. Yes, even if it works.

145b. There are too many ways that this could go wrong and most of them will be my problem.

145c. It works because your opponents are droids, but very soon they might not be. It would be foolish to get lazy and then shoot a sentient with a water gun now wouldn't it? 

145d. Some of those droids are water proof. Enough said.

146. The above rule (145c.) does not mean we will be assassinating anyone. 

146a. Telling people, particularly senators, that the Jedi are training you to be assassins lead to mass panic and likely serious injury. Do not do this.

146b. Commander Fox wishes to say any clones breaking this rule will receive the quote "ultimate price to pay" and that "they know what it means" 

147. Knight Skywalker, do not attempt to fight Grievous with a water gun because 'lightsabers aren't working'

147a. For those who weren't there and are curious: No, the water guns didn't work either. 

147b. For those who were there and are curious: No, water shouldn't move like that. I saw exactly one recording of the fight and that was enough. 

148. Knight Skywalker is forbidden from the words "I thought that was normal"

149. Padawan Tano is forbidden from the words "My master said it was normal"

149a. Even if he did.

150. Master Kenobi is forbidden from the words "No longer my Padawan, no longer my problem."

150a. He may no longer be your Padawan, but as long as he's adding paper work to my desk, he's your problem. 

150b. Yes, Knight Skywalker, this is about you. Good to know you still actually read these rules.

151. Who ever coded the cleaner bot to go out into the centre of the main hall, clean exactly one tiny spot only, and then leave; please undo this.  

151a. It's a waste of resources and time for one.

151b. It's waring a hole into the ground for another. 

152. Jedi are allowed to cry.

153. Padawan Tano, refrain from chasing people as you would prey. 

153a. I have been informed by Master Ti that this is a normal and healthy thing for a young Togruta to participate in. Even so, I ask she refrain from chasing unsuspecting people and instead obtain permission from somebody willing to run for a few parts of a cycle. 

154. Knight Skywalker, you are more than welcome to volunteer for the above role, but we, the council, the senate, the clones and indeed all of Coruscant, ask that you do not join in with Padawan Tano. You are not Togruta. You're human. 

154a. The tests have proved nothing! You don't know what I am, I don't know what I am! Maybe i was meant to hunt? You don't know! -Skywalker

155. Knight Skywalker is reminded that he is not exempt from any of the rules on this list. 

155a. No matter how much he wants to be.

155b. Even if 'the force wills it'. I'm pretty sure I've already written a point about that somewhere.

156. Next person, no matter if they're a clone, senator, Jedi or civilian, to ask me about Knight Skywalker and             with the force, will be dropped from the nearest ledge.

156a. I am well aware that theres a blank space there, fill it in with what ever horrifying thing Knight Skywalker just used to force to do. 

156b. Or the Force did itself.

157. Yes, for those not aware, by technicality the Force is sentient and should be treated as such.  

157a. The Force is not sentient as it is used but rather sentient on its own. "The Force told me" indicates sentient force, and should be treated as such. "Knight Skywalker just ripped a droid in half with the force" indicates a madman. 

158. Again, "The Force told me" is not a valid reason for your behaviour. 

159. By technicality the Force is not a citizen of the republic.

159a. The Force has no allegiance to anyone. 

160. Do not start a war against the Force for being a "possible separatist sympathiser"

160a. Also, do not join the separatists because "clearly the Force knows whats up"

161. No one is allowed to upgrade person ships with a hyperdrive.

161a. It won't work, the ship is too small.

161b. Even if it does work, it's not legal.

161c. Even if it is legal, it is highly dangerous.

161d. Being in a war is a general danger and one thing. Using a highly dangerous and experimental piece of technology to power a craft thirteen times smaller then what should be capable is quite another. 

162. Note to self: If you have someone who can and will use the force to prove you wrong, a politician who carries a blaster, a Jedi master who is incapable for keeping it in his pants when fighting, several thousand highly trained and highly dangerous solders who would rather die than turning on those they trust and a sixteen year old, it's best to not challenge them. 

163. Just because it would work doesn't make it a good idea. 

163a. Or even an idea at all.

Chapter Text

Tragically this is not an update. IF YOU ARE A GUEST USER PLEASE READ

I’m locking my fics for the time being, I do not know if I will unlock them. I’ll lock them within 48 hours of this update.

Please, I love my guest readers and comments, and I hate to do this to you. But AI is an asshole.

please feel free to download my fic so you’ll always have it if it means that much to you

And I am on tumblr if you want me to send you the fic chapters separately!!

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This update will be removed after fic is locked.

Thank you,

~28

Chapter Text

164. Do not punch the battle droids.

164a. It will hurt, and I doubt any medic will help you after you've already been warned against doing so.

165. That does not mean you can slap, poke, flick, kick, strangle or choke the battle droids.

165a. They don't have lungs, therefore they don't need nor have an air supply. You just look like a fool if you try to choke or strangle them. 

166. Do not bite the battle droids.

166a. Even if you have "really sharp teeth" 

166b. Even if you genuinely do have really sharp teeth. 

166c. You will loose teeth. 

167. For the holo-record, I didn't know Knight Skywalker could regrow his teeth either. 

167a. Nor did I want to know that. I will not be thinking of anything else for a while now. 

168. Removing your helmet in battle is not advised. 

168a. Especially too bite a droid. Which we have already established is not allowed.

169. Do not add non-existent events to the supreme chancellors calendar without clearing it with Commander Fox first. 

169a. Do not add existing events that he is not invited to, to it either.

170. Stop adding events to random peoples calendars.

170a. Including the shared calendar in this room. Force knows its already full enough...

171. Putting on a cloak and going up to random Jedi and/or senators and saying "One will die today" is not a good idea of a joke. 

171a. I don't care how factual it is, stop listing the statistics of how many sentient beings die in the galaxy each day. 

172. Please stop "testing" these rules on Commander Fox to see how I "might react if we do this"

172a. Many of you will not live to see how I will react if you carry on like this. 

173. If you purposefully remove any item of clothing on the battle field and it is not retrieved, you are responsible for its replacement. 

173a. That includes clothes that aren't yours. 

173b. Do not ask how you are meant to replace it when you have no credits. Figure it out.

174. Thievery is against the Jedi code.

174a. And, as I have been reminded, the republics law. 

175. It has been a slow week for rules, what with Master Windu being away on mission. So I thought I would add some of my own that I have for the Jedi, just to keep the list fresh for his return - Senator Amidala 

176. Please keep the "returning from the dead" stunts to a minimum of a combined three per week. It's getting rather tiresome to announce your death and then your return twice in one measly senate session. - Senator Amidala 

177. I, and other senators, would prefer to be informed before being used as bait.- Senator Amidala 

177a. Or before being used in any sort of scheme. In fact, how about we work together to solve problems, instead of separately and creating more in the process?  - Senator Amidala 

178. We do not know how to use lightsabers, please throw us a blaster next time instead. - Senator Amidala 

178a. Assuming there is a next time, while hoping there isn't. - Senator Amidala 

179. You are all reminded that I, and only I, am allowed to add rules to this list.

179. One more to go Master Windu, and then I'll be out of your hair robes. - Senator Amidala 

180. Who ever told seventeen Holo-reporters about my location the night before last; your days are numbered. -Padmé  

Chapter Text

181. If the Holonet catches you breaking the law in any way, that is a you problem. Please do not make it the Councils problem. We have enough to do, we don't have time to help you clean up your mess.

181a. Don't break any laws, in any way. 

181b. If you need help with something, go to your Master. If you don't have a Master, either you are old enough to deal with your problems yourself, or you are far to you to be causing such problems. 

182. Padawan Tano is exempt from the above rule as it is the Councils belief that going to her Masters may make the situation worse. 

182a. Knight Skywalker, please refrain from dragging you Padawan and Master into your problems. Master Kenobi, you are a Master. See rule 181b.

183: Do not use your activated lightsaber to "knock" down objects when they are out of your reach, it will result in the object being damaged.

183a: Do not throw your unactivated lightsaber to "knock" down objects out of your reach. None of you know how to aim a deactivated lightsaber with the needed precision, save for Commander Cody.

184. Do not use any part of your armour to "knock" down objects out of your reach. 

184a. Do not use any part of anyones armour to "knock" down objects out of your reach. 

185. Do not throw anything to "knock" down things out of your reach as may I remind you most people in this building are skilled in the force

186. All rules on this list should automatically apply to everyone who can read this list. It is not an excuse to say that a rule does not apply to you as it did not state your full legal name. 

186a. Nor does it not apply to you if I do not state your full title.

186b. Your full title is not "Sir Maxerma The Fullest and Lord of Tookas" and stop telling people it is.

186c. I will start listing specific rules about specific people, do not test me.

187. Knight Skywalker, crash another ship and you'll be paying for it.

187a. The only excuse you should be using is "Sorry Master Windu, an entire fleet of Separatists came after me and I was ambushed". I have seen you fly, I will accept nothing less. 

187b. Get Senator Amidala to pay for it if you can not afford it. Do not illegally sell anything to anyone. 

188. Master Koon, please limit yourself to 2 cups of caff per day. If not for your own sake, or our sakes, then for your mens sakes.

188a. A list of every person who, in my experience, should not be allowed more then two cups of caff per day: All senators, Master Nu, Master Fitso, all younglings and any Padawan's under the age of 17. 

188b. I appreciate all the clones reaching out about Commander Fox's daily caff intact. I would like to assure you that if I removed even a drop from him, he would likely set the senate on fire. Which we would rather he not do. 

189. Desert Worlders; please admit you are cold. It is okay to wear a jumper, you grew up on a hot planet. The council feels cold just looking at you.

189a. For once, Knight Skywalker has the right idea. Be like him only in the layers he wears, not in style.  Senator, please. 

190. See, you don't like this new style do you? Agree all these points apply to everyone in the groups mentioned and I'll stop.

191. Playing board games is a perfectly acceptable pastime and can even help you develop critical thinking skills. Enacting board games is not and does not. 

191a. Especially Clue. I have no desire to go looking for some caff in the middle of the night and find Knight Skywalker playing dead on the floor, murdered by Master Yoda with the hydrospanner in the kitchen. If I had more hair it would be grey. 

192. Playing Monopoly is banned. I know you weren't acting, that is what concerns me. 

192a. Calling it something else doesn't stop it from being monopoly. 

193. Stop naming things as different things so you can get away with breaking rules. Just because you've called it the "superior Glow worm" doesn't stop it from being a lightsaber and doing serious damage to everything around it. 

193a. A lightsaber is also not a "glow stick", "burning stick", "liquid light", "laser sword" or a "toast cutter". We've been over this before. 

194. Congratulations to Padawan Offee who successfully murdered everyone in last nights game of murder in the dark. I thank you all for warning me first, but I ask you please not announce you "killed them all" in front of a crowd of holo reporters. 

195. Knight Skywalker, thank you for cooking for your troops, it is much appreciated. But some have reached out to me to ask you to tone down the spice. Just a bit, thank you.

195a. To quote one of the clones who reached out to me, they would "like to be able to feel their taste buds after eating"

196. No one ask why Master Koon, Master Ti and Master Secura are laughing in random corners. You will not like the answer.

197. Clones: Stop adding your brothers faces to the Coruscant guards most wanted lists. As harsh as it is, the droids in the guards rely on bone structure, something you all share. You are putting yourself on the most wanted list.

197a. I'm aware criminals also technically put themselves on the most wanted list. Your point is mute as you nor any of your brothers have committed any crimes.

198. The silence I received after the previous point has me concerned. If you or a brother or one of your generals has committed a crime, please inform either the Jedi Council or a hire ranked military officer.  

198a. Again, if it is Master Yoda, I do not want to know. 

199. Please prevent Master Kenobi from using a quill and ink to write his reports. He will claim it relaxes him, this is a lie. He just likes the look on the councils face when he present them with copies of the report all hand written in ink. Individually. In different styles. 

200. As we are fully shipping out today, I ask no one add to this list until my return. Thank you and may the force be with you. 

Galactic News Network - Breaking Report

Republic Troops Suffer Devastating Losses On Distant Moon

In a harrowing development, the Galactic Republic has sustained severe casualties in its battle against separatist forces. Reports indicate that a large number of clone troopers have perished in a fierce engagement on the distant moon of Kel-19-Der. Making it one of the deadliest days in the ongoing conflict. Chancellor Palpatine expressed sorrow over the tragic toll, vowing to continue the fight for peace. 

End of Transmission

Chapter Text

201. If all Jedi could make sure nothing is floating before leaving an area that would be greatly appreciated. We do not have the free time to track one of you down because our holo-pad had flown to the ceiling again. - The tired senators 

201a. To be fair, that is mostly the younglings who do not have great control yet, though we understand the frustration. - Master Koon

201b. The mostly is there for a reason, as you all know - Master Koon

202. I don't have proof, but I know in my heart you are doing it, please stop purposefully breaking droids in front of Anakin just to get a reaction out of him. It was funny the first seven times when he races over to fix it, not anymore. - Master Kenobi

202a. If, and only if, a droid genuinely does break down in front of Anakin then you are forgiven. But please stop breaking them, or making them appear broken, in front of him just to get:
a) A free remodelling of the droid
b) A free meeting with Anakin
c) A free droid service and repair
d) All of the above
Thank you - Master Kenobi

203. As amusing as it might be, please stop inviting separatists to "afternoon tea with the lads", one of them might show up -Master Ki-Adi-Mundi

203a. Might I add, please do not invite them to any other events such as birthdays, funerals, senate dinners and so on - Master Kenobi

204. Do I want to know why a "deepest sympathies" card is on the chancellors desk, addressed from "Your friends in parts, Roger" or am I going to have to unpack that personally over a nice cup of caff? - Commander Fox

204a. Don't worry Commander! That's just a "sorry we couldn't make the funeral" card for the chancellor - Coruscant Guard

204b. The chancellor is still alive, right? I didn't miss it did I? -Commander Fox

204c. We would film it if you did, Commander! It's just a harmless prank, don't worry - Coruscant Guard

204d. Pranks are never harmless if you're the ones doing them. But thank you. - Fox

205. Please don't state in a public area that you wish to see Grand Chancellor Palpatine death in person and if that is not possible then for someone to please film it. 

205a. I got scared for a second thinking Master Windu was back. Hi Master! - Skywalker

206. Bullying Knight Skywalker for being scared of Master Windu is not allowed unless you can prove you are not scared of him yourself. 

206a. Go up to him and say you need to use his head as a mirror, I dare you. 

207. While we break Master Windu's rule of the list, can we at least say who is breaking it, it is getting rather confusing.

207a. They say, while not naming themselves.

207b. They say, while not naming themselves.

207c. They say, while not naming themselves.

207d. They say, while not naming themselves. - Padawan Offee

207e. ...

208. Break rules, I have. Apologise, I will not. Tell, you won't. 

209. I suggest as a collective we agree with Master Windu's rule of "if its about Master Yoda, I don't want to know" stays and is followed. Agreed?

209a. Agreed

209b. Force help us, agreed.

209c. I'm more worried about who we would tell? He's the Grandmaster! Who do we go to?

209d. To 209c. The Chancellor maybe??

209e. What could he do about it?

210. Not a single one of you can follow rules. I don't know what I should have expected but to say I had faith would be a lie.

(short chapter as it was a struggle to even do this many words, long week + no ideas :()

Chapter Text

211. Before reporting on Master Yoda's actions to me, ask yourself: Is this necessary? Is anyone in immediate danger? Will Master Windu have to deal with it anyway? If the answer to any of those is any version of a negative, then do not tell me. Deal with it yourself.

211a. Clones; please report Master Yoda to your supervising commander. 

212. If for some reason you still feel the need to report Master Yoda, I ask you please do not report him to The Grand Chancellor. He will not help.

212a. The following people will also not help you: Any Padawan, Knight or Master. Including me. 

212b. As amusing as it is to go to a Senator about Master Yoda, it will also not help.

213. Do not join in with Master Yoda's chaos. I do not care what he threatened/promised you, do not do it.

214: Do not steal my speeder.

214a. Even if it was to catch 'weird fucking worm smuggling freaks'

214b. I don't care who he was trying to assassinate, there is no budget for replacements and none of you have ever returned a speeder in one piece. 

215. Do not steal my speeder just to return it with unwanted upgrades.

215a. I do not care that they make the speeder work better, I don't want them. How did you even afford them? 

215b. More important question: How do they work? Genuinely, it should not be possible for a speeder to move like this. 

216. Reminder to everyone, do not ask Knight Skywalker how he did something.

216a. He will explain in detail and then look at you strangely when you question how he hasn't blown himself up yet.

216b. Knight Skywalker, with absolutely no respect, it should not be possible for a speeder to travel at quote "near light speed". 

217. Please stop playing around with hyperdrives.

218. No stealing.

219. No stabbing.

219a. We have covered the knives. Lost knives will not be replaced. 

220. No stealing knives and then stabbing people with them. 

220a. If you stab anyone or anything with a stolen knife, you will be teaching Younglings home economics as punishment. 

221. Jedi can still be sued. 

221a. Other Jedi can sue other Jedi.

222. Not every rule on this list has to relevant to a current situation, I thought I would just put that out there. No reason for it, just an interesting fact.

223. If you find you've been sued for spreading rumours about a particularly old senator, please see Senator Amidala. 

223a. Also, stop spreading rumours.

223b. I do not care if they are true.

224. Do not stop Knight Skywalker when he is sleepwalking. He carries his sabre with him at all times and has a tendency to swing first and ask later when startled. 

224a. Alternatives include: letting him keep walking, contact Master Kenobi, take a video and show it to him later or get Padawan Tano to wake him. 

224b. I warned you.

225. Do not ask Padawan Tano to a training spar. I do not known what Knight Skywalker is feeding her and at this point it is better to politely nod.

225a. If it was not clear before, Padawan Tano does not believe in 'training sabres' instead using her full-strength ignited blade instead. Loose limbs at your own risk. 

226. Padawan Offee, while it is fascinating to hear about the internal political workings of the Separatists, I have to ask you to please stop doing whatever it is you are doing to gain this knowledge. 

227. You can not get out of paperwork by painting yourself blue and claiming to be incorporeal. We do not know what ghosts look like, but I am sure they would not look like that. 

227a. Apparently, I am the only one who does not know what ghosts look like.  

228. I did not want to know what Master Qui-Gon Jinn's ghost supposedly looks like, mostly because I did not want to know that Master Qui-Gon Jinn's ghost existed and that you have seen him.

228a. Please report to the nearest medic and get checked for hallucinations.

228b. I do not want to know the results. 

229. Do not ask Master Yoda how to become a force ghost.

229a. It's not that he doesn't know, it is that he does but won't tell us and laughs for hours when we ask. Please spare our ears.

230. Do not become a force ghost. 

Chapter Text

231. The Force is an intergalactic connection between all species and life forms regardless of their place in the universe. It is not "a really good way to prank people" 

231a. Even if it is effective.

232. Non force pranks are also banned from the temple on the grounds that they are not funny.

232a. Do you see me laughing?

233. The game is not "See who can get Master Windu to laugh first", the game is "Who will get hanger duty for the next 3 cycles and not be able to move for several rotations after Master Windu has a friendly spar with them"

233a. These hangers are going to be spotless by the end of the month. 

234. I don't care what you want to do. Don't do it unless you have permission to do it.

234a. I meant this in a "Stop throwing water balloons at droids" not in the "slave to the system" way. Please call off the Riots, the Chancellor may have a heart attack if they continues. 

235. Padawan Tano, please stop asking the force questions. One day, it might answer. 

235a. Knight Skywalker, keep your mouth shut please. I have not had enough rest in the past decade to deal with what ever is about to come out of your mouth. 

236. I was wrong actually. All the rest in the universe could not prepare me for what I just heard.

236a. No, what do you mean you only technically have one parent Skywalker? One plus one should have somehow equaled you.

237. No non-sentient life forms over the size of a small box are allowed unsupervised inside the temple. 

237a. Or on any republic owned property, including cruisers. 

238. Knight Skywalker and Master Fisto do not count as supervision in any scenerio.

239. Do not yell "You're not my Mother/Father/Parent/Other!" at your supervising officers in the middle of battle.

239a. Or when they ask you to please clean your armour. 

240. The creatures known as "Chickens" from the Planet Terra are banned from being within 2 planets of me at all times. 

240a. I have seen the eyes of Sith and they are only outdone by the soulless eyes of those featherless fiends. 

"Some one find Shmi Skywalker of Tatooine. Human, description is lacking but she should have brown hair and eyes and be around 30 to 35 cycles old."

"Sorry sir, there are no records of that person."

"Are there any record of Skywalker's on Tatooine?"

"Nothing again Sir, last registered Skywalker was General Anakin Skywalker."

"Check for any DNA matches to Knight Skywalker."

"Negative sir."

"Nothing? Not even slight relations?"

"Nothing at all Sir. It unusual but the outer rim does keep spotty records, I can start a deeper sweep." 

"..."

"Sir? Is everything okay?"

"... Son of the Force."

Chapter Text

241. Padawans, do not explore the catacombs below the temple without supervision from an elder. It is very easy to get lost down there

241a. We are also not entirely sure what exactly lives down there. If you figure out what does, please let the council know.

242. Do not sell senate secrets to reporters.

242a. Do not sell Jedi secrets to reporters.

243. Do not tell reporters to anything that isn't public knowledge.

243a. Knight Skywalker and others do not count as public knowledge even if you think it does.

244. Do not tell people that the Jedi are really Sith and that we swapped roles generations ago. 

244a. You are scaring the younglings.

244b. And the council. 

245. Master Yoda is forbidden from the phrase "know? did you not?" and is also banned from laughing.

245a. To be clear, he is banned from all laughter. Not just laughter after that phrase.

246. Sometimes it is good to recognise that just because something is a convincing argument and an enjoyable story, that doesn't make it true. 

247. There are three things you need to bring to a council meeting, a box of explosives is not one of them.

247a. The three things are yourself, robes and a lightsaber. I would like to remind you all that unless you are a dual wielder or have more then two appendages that can use a lightsaber, that is lightsaber singular. 

248. Only Clones and trusted guards may bring weapons that aren't lightsabers into the Jedi temple.

249. Attaching a blaster to your lightsaber is not only ill advised due to the danger of the entire thing blowing up, it will also result in your weapon being removed from you when you enter the temple, regardless of your place here.

250. Do not kill anyone unless they are attacking you and are armed. Even then, please avoid killing unless absolutely necessary.

250a. If someone is attacking you, but is not armed with a weapon, you are allowed to defend and kill if absolutely necessary.  

251. Please do have evidence that you were attacked. Do not walk into the council chambers, with or without a dead body, and announce you've killed someone unless you have evidence that it was warranted. 

251a. Indisputable evidence such as holo-recordings is not obligatory but highly suggested. We cannot afford another court case.

252. Deal with your own unwarranted situations. 

253. If you have not been attending your scheduled meetings with your mind healer, I remind you the punishment is worse then the meeting. 

253a. If you could not attend due to legitimate reasons, that is fine. Please reschedule. 

253b. Legitimate reasons do not include: "My teeth went for a walk", "The stars looked weird so I went and had a look" and/or "my bones rubbed together wrong when I walked, I thought it was the force telling me not to go"

254. You only know the punishment for not attending if you don't attend. I suggest you don't risk it.

255.  To the unnamed council member who just informed me that they did not need to attend their meetings with the mind-healer as there is no reason they need them: You have been tortured, had multiple near death experiences, have experienced war and had the feeling someones light being ripped out of the force in front of you whilst you yourself are painfully incapacitated.

255a. Go to the mind-healer. 

256. If something is not edible for your species, I highly recommend not eating it. 

256a. Rocks are technically digestible for humans, however, I would still recommend not eating them. 

256b. Don't break your teeth.

257. If you die within 24 hours of eating it, it is not edible.

257a. If you die as a direct cause of eating it, it is not edible.

258. All health related issues are covered by the temple regardless of the cause. But please do not stab yourself with a lightsaber, especially if you are underage. 

258a. If you get the republic child protection agency called on us again, I will give them a reason to be called.

258b. I'm referring to them being called as such because last time they came to the temple, a certain Padawan had swallowed a knife. 

258c. The Padawan in question was fine. Apparently they had done it before. 

258d. No, that fact didn't help clear things up with the RCPA. 

 

 

 

259. Please keep calm. Stay inside and keep your younger brethren calm. Take a breathe and stay alert, Knights.

260. No more then 4 should be visiting a single person in a small room at once while in the Medwing. 

Chapter Text

261. “I told you so”'s are to be kept to a minimum while we heal and rebuilt the temple, after we finish repairs you can use it again

261a. That does not apply to nosy senators and reporters, feel free to remind them that we told them so.

262. Senator Amidala, I understand the sentiment, I really do. But it is unfortunately rude to request to be speaker because you; “have something really important to announce” and proceed to say “I just want to tell everyone, I told you so.”. It is a nice idea, but unrealistic.

262a. Do not ecourage her. She will make it realistic.

263. Variations of 'I told you so' are banned. This includes, but is not limited to;

-"Just as the Jedi/Sith/anyone predicted"

-"Didn't we already discuss this outcome?"

-"Perhaps you should recall my earlier advice."

-"As the prophocy fortold..."

264. Clones are not allowed to paint the now former chancellors decapitated head on their armour.

265. No one is allowed to paint, draw or recreate any part of the former chancellors body on their armour, ships, or temple area.

265a. This includes tattoos.

266. Knight Skywalker is not allowed to leave the med-bay. If he is to leave, he must provide written, recorded and signed evidence that Kix let him out.

266a. He is more likely to become the emergency if you let him out.

267. Master Kenobi, you can not reclaim a Padawan, even if they have been acting rather stupid and do require more teaching after all.

268. No Jedi is to claim another as a Padawan without my express permission.

268a. I do not care what Yoda said. Do not claim a Padawan without either my permission or, if the time comes, the Forces.

269. If any med-bay bound sentient's are grumbling about this list, it only serves to prove they are not as med-bay bound as we would like.

269a. You have express permission to lock the door and tie them to the bed if need be.

270. I do not care if it was within visiting hours. Please keep extra curricula activities out of the med-bay.

270a. Reasons being; it is a bad idea, it is unsaintary, and you are already in the med-bay for a reason, do not extend your stay.

271. No one is to ask me to explain what extra curricula activities are.

271a. If you really must know, ask Master Koon, Master Ti or a trusted medic.

272. Knight Offee, you can not save everyone.

273. Jedi who do not wish to help with the remaining dispatching of hostiles may remain behind, no questions asked.

274. Clones who have not been scanned yet are to undergo a full head scan before regaining entrance to Temple grounds.

274a. Clones who have already been scanned are allowed ro recieve a rescan upon request.

275. Enter the archives at own risk.

275a. They were hit heavily in the inital attack. Master Nu is currently refiling over 60,000 holofiles and could use any assistance that is offered.

275b. I will also be assigning volenteers to help Master Nu as I see fit.

276. As kind as it is to gift the Younglings things in this hard time, I implore you all to limit their sugar intake. The crèche masters are days away from joining the remaining separatists if the younglings do not calm down.

276a. Toys are fine, limit the bouncy balls though.

277. Do not refer to how tall you are by how high up on this list your head reaches.

277a. For the record, I am taller then point one.

278. There is no such thing as the “Jedi Daily”, do not make it.

278a. Why is it everytime I deny something, you do it any way but with a different name? It still counts and it is still banned.

279. Just so we are clear, the “Jedi Weekly”, “Temple Daily”, “Temple Weekly”, “Jedi Century”, “Jedi Orbit”, “Jedi!”, “In the Force”, “Temple Times” and “Jumbo Jedi” are all banned as well.

280. If we must have a newsletter, I ask that no confidential information be published in it.

281. Do not claim to be taking minutes at a Jedi council meeting only to publish them in the new newsletter. That is confidential information.

282. Do not post anything that you would not tell a reporter or a senator in the newsletter.

282a. Pretend the senator is one you do not like.

282b. Do not claim to not like Senator Amidala just so you can publish confidentail information in the newsletter. Med-bay will not hold him forever.

283. The above was not permission to be allowed to talk to reporters again.

283a. Nor was this, or the above, point.

284. I accepted long ago that any problems that Knight Skywalker caused were well out of my hands. It is time you accepted they are out of yours too.

284a. Even if you really want to take them into your hands. Resist the temptation.

285. Again, no points on this list are targeted.

285a. If you feel targeted, you shouldn't. Because you shouldn't be out of Med-bay yet. Therefore you shouldn't be reading this.

286. No unregistered grappling hooks are to be used inside the temple without express permission from a Master.

287. No unregistered weapons are to be used inside the temple without express permission from a Master.

287a. This does include flame throwers and any and all toxic gases.

288. You are Jedi. You have Lightsabres. Why do you need an axe?

289. I should not have to remind anyone, but Master Yoda's permission does not count unless it is reinforced by no less than three other sober Master and permission is recorded (audio and visual) and signed for future-proof.

290. No running down crowded hallways unless it is an emergency.

290a. "They took the last (insert food item here)" is not an emergency.

290b. "I took the last (insert food item here), and now I am going to die" is also not an emergeny.

291. Hoverboards. Banned.

292. Pod racers, untrained livestock, trained livestock, other mechanical means of transportation excluding replacement limbs. Also banned from Temple Halls.

293. If you must explore the depths of the Temple, do so in your own time but with company.

293a. Report anything suspect to a Master and clear out. Do not go deeper to find more interesting things.

294. In case you were not aware, the Jedi fully support Clone rights and recognise the Clones as a sentient race.

294a. We do not support Clone wrongs. What does that even mean?

295. The above being said, relationships between Jedi and Clones are still forbidden under Jedi order rules.

295a. Perhaps we need to meditate on this subject. Perhaps we will get back to you sometime.

296. Knight Skywalker is now allowed out of Med-bay, you can cease tackling him.

296a. On second thoughts, if he was suppose to be in Med-bay, why are you tackling him at all?

296b. Understandable.

297. Do not put a sheet over your head and pretend to be the ghost of the former chancellor, roaming the Temple halls. It is in poor taste.

297a. Do not repeat this same 'prank' at the senate, nor anywhere alse.

297b. I don't care that it was funny, you will get arrested and I will not help you.

298. I am not legally required to bail anyone out of prison. Get Master Yoda to help you since you like asking his permission so much.

299. As Jedi are emancipated as soon as they arrive at the temple, and are considered adults when they become Knights, drinking is allowed at any age so long as you are a Knight.

299a. I do not care that you are double the legal drinking age on your home planet, if you are not a Knight you do not get to drink. End of.

300. I think I have just about listed everything there is to list. I'm sure you will find more tomorrow. For now, rest.

In memoriam.

For our fallen brothers, sisters, and siblings. Parents and children. Friends and fellows.

Attendance requested, but not mandatory.

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