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Childe chugged another glass of baijiu like it was a shot and let out a whine of relief. Ah, that hit the spot! The perfect distraction from Morax! He definitely needed more alcohol in his body before he touched “socially inept dragon asking what his sex joke meant” with a 5 ft pole. Or the fact he looked pretty
He’s Snezhnayan! He can handle his booze thank you very much. His face just flushes easily.
Childe was very thankful for the little dust bunnies giving him booze whenever he thought it. He tried to pet one when it got near but sadly it was made of dust so his hand went through and dust coated his face. Childe tried to fight off the urge to sneeze for approximately 3 seconds before failing. Childe politely pretended not to notice Guizhong's giggles.
Childe stared at the spot where the dust bunny had been in dismay. As if sensing his thoughts (‘ Can they read thoughts?>????’) he saw a different one and was appeased.
Morax stared at him.
Childe silently raised an eyebrow at him in question.
Morax turned to look at Guizhong, the two of them having a silent conversation before turning back to him and asking him questions about his hobbies.
Childe hummed, “Hobbies?”
The conversation they made was nice, if a bit (a lot) awkward until-
“And he’s not dumb,” said Childe, crossing his arms, defending the man like no ones buisness. “He knows everything!”
Laughter erupted from the adepti. Even Morax chuckled softly.
“I appreciate the con------ you have in me, Master Childe,” said Morax. “But there is an in------ amount about this world I do not know. For example…”
“I don’t know how you knew my qilin name when we first met.”
Childe’s stomach dropped, he hoped Morax had forgotten about that, but luck is never on his side.
Childe’s brain was running on a million miles a second, slightly panicking, “I read it in a- uh- a book?”
Morax growled and warning bells blared at the back of his Childe’s brain. Still hostile. The instincts he tuned in the abyss yelled at him. It took a lot in him to not physically tense up.
“Book? What book? How is that possible? Tell me which t--- and I will rend it from this earth. That is sac--- information.”
Fuck.
“Lord Morax, the boy surely means something different,” Moon Carver interrupted to Childe’s relief “He is still a n----- at the use of our language. Perhaps you mean a different word, Master Childe?”
Childe nodded quickly, “Yes! Different word!” Oh, thank you Moon Carver! His saviour! He will never forget this kind act!
“What I meant to say is- uh-” Childe was a fool he only bought himself a few seconds of time. Childe cussed in Snezhnayan, “ Pizdec- I-”
They looked at him expectantly.
(Thankfully they assumed the slip-up was the word he meant to say and not him cussing)
“I read it…”
Childe looked around for anything to lie about read it in a Vase? No, too stupid! Teacup? No! His eyes looked around the room before they passed the window- wait that’s it!
The other's eyes seemed to follow his line of sight to the window.
“In the stars!”
The Adepti gasped excitedly.
Crisis averted, Childe is good at lying actually.
“Stars and books do not sound similar…” Morax muttered but thankfully everyone ignored him.
Crisis averted.
“That’s rem-------!”
“Guili is Celestia blessed, truly.”
“Two astromancers!”
Oh no.
Crises un-averted.
Childe felt his heart drop, “Two?”
More people to catch him in a lie! Damn it, he’s horrible at lying! He couldn’t lie about some random hocus pocus stars if there wasn’t anyone to call him out about it! He may have made it worse actually.
“Starcraft is gifted to only the most purely en----- elemental beings,” said Mountain Shaper.
Childe was in no way panicking when he asked, “Who, uh, is the other one?”
“Star Breather does something similar,” said Flame Drinker, stirring their tea with a finger. “’The Perfected Lord who Studies the Stars and Breathes the Truth’.”
Oh, sweet Tsaritsa! A child! He could out-lie a child! Probably!
Who’d win? Childe or a child? Trick question they play dolls.
Or actually, they teach Childe grammar. Huh.
Childe has the sudden realization a fortune teller- a powerful fortune teller- has been teaching him grammar. Huh. No wonder it was out of this world.
Childe grinned eyes turning fond at the thought of the children, “Impressive! You must be so proud!”
“One is immensely proud of one’s daughter,” said Flame Drinker, in their absent-minded way. “She was disappointed when she was unable to read your stars when asked by one’s Lady of Dust. Your gift, I suppose.”
Guzhoing eyes widened, turning to Flame Drinker with a mortified glare, willing the words “Shut up!” into her eyes.
Childe raised an eyebrow, “You asked Star Breather to read my stars?”
Wait, actually, now that he thought about it that made the name ‘Star Breather’ make a lot more sense.
The goddess spluttered some kind of excuse, looking between Ping and Morax for an out. They shared a confused glance. Finally, Guizhong bowed, head almost on the mahogany. “I sin------ apologise, Master Childe. It was a dishonourable decision.”
Childe couldn’t stop the pearls of laughter from bursting from him. He waved a hand dismissively at Guizhong.
“Honestly, Guizhong, it’s fine,” he shrugged. “You’re a leader. Leaders don’t play nice, they have to protect their people. I’d do the same if some suspicious stranger arrived and I had someone who could instantly tell me if they meant us harm.”
“Did you not just say that is a cap------- of yours?” asked Morax. Childe blinked at him in confusion, he reiterated. “A skill of yours?”
Gavno .
“I-I don’t like to. I think it’s…invasive.”
“Invasive?”
Childe nodded.
Morax looked at him, “Why did you look at mine then?”
Childe stilled. Chertovski dno!
How does he keep digging the hole deeper????
Childe visibly made a face.
What should he do!? “I- Uh-”
Oh, Archons everyones staring at him again.
“I-”
What should he say??? For fun?? Because he heard he was strong and got curious!?? No that’s suspicious, isn’t it!! A stranger who only looked at Morax’s stars is even more suspicious!!
No, go back to your conversations! Stop being focused on this!
He needs something- Something so insane they wouldn’t ask any more questions until he can leave!
“Uh.”
Childe looked down hoping it’d give him answers, unfortunately, it did not. Ripping his eyes away from the ground, his face still flushed from the alcohol he caught Morax’s eyes-
He had a great idea! No way this won’t send the Adepti into chaos!
“I was checking my future mate!” Childe blurted out before he could think.
Morax, who had taken a second to drink his tea immediately choked.
(The Adepti used the word mate to say partner or lover, Childe had no idea there were differences. Small differences. Differences like boyfriend vs forever husband. Soulmate. Differences that Morax noticed.)
Is this how astromancers work? He has no clue! But all the Adepti were staring at him in shocked silence, which was the intended outcome.
Hoping the questions were over Childe took a sip of his tea and then immediately recoiled at the taste. He thought he secretly added sugar!
“WHAT?” Guizhong yelled, standing up abruptly, the first to recover.
Like a chain reaction, all the other Adepti exploded similarly as well.
“EXCUSE ME?”
“WHAT?”
“OUR LORD-”
“THIS ONE IS-”
This is not usually what Childe means when he says ‘glorious chaos’.
Guzhoing looked between him and Morax getting an increasingly interesting look on her face. Morax stared at him with a poleaxed expression, practically gaping.
Childe couldn’t stop the laughter from escaping him.
“Sorry- sorry- just- the look on your face,” Childe batted his eyelashes at him, “Do you hate it that much?” He asked, with a teasing smile. A part of his brain screamed at him that he wasn’t Zhongli.
Morax looked incredibly horrified.
“Wait- wait! How did you even see that?” Guzhoing asked, no nefarious Cupid plans going on in her head.
Oh no. Questions.
“With my eyes…?”
“I mean- what did you even see!”
Childe hummed for a moment, thinking about it. Archons, he needs more alcohol before answering any questions. Plausible deniability and all.
Childe could have cried when the dust bunny gave him more baijiu. Mmmm, he loves the taste.
“Well, I saw Morax obviously.”
“Yeah but w------ you confused about who he was when you met him?”
“Well in my defense he had a spear to my throat!” Morax looked away suddenly.
“Before that!”
“I don’t know! I just saw like!-” What should he say?? He just wanted them to stop asking questions about his bad lies! “A guy! Named Zhon- that! But Zh- he looked so much more human! No horns or tails or anything! But I think they were just hidden! But he still had muscles! And abs! Fightable abs! Muscles I want to fight! And he was calm and refined! Like! Like! Rocks ! No- Jades! Oooo so refined! And older! His voice is so deep… he’s so pretty… and his pretty nice deep voice went on rants! Nice rants… Anyways!” he forced out an awkward chuckle when he realized what he was doing, flush spreading over his face.
Morax decidedly did not look at him. He might be hallucinating but Morax looked a little…
Guizhong looked… okay so Childe is going to ignore the look on her face.
Everyone seemed too mortified to ask any more questions which was great because then he wouldn’t have to answer any more! Childe smiled contently. Finally free. He’s so good at lying! Time to do anything else!
Maybe he should have another drink… Before he could even sip the baijiu it was snatched from his hands by Morax.
“You… are drunk,” Morax said coughing into his fist, cheeks dusted a light pink.
Maybe, his face flushing easily could be helpful? Yeah, he’s totally drunk. So drunk.
Childe giggled, “Snezhnayan’s don’t get drunk.”
“...Maybe you should get some f---- air.”
Hey, was this lie a bad idea?
Childe shook his head, nah no way he couldn’t see how this could have any negative consequences!
As soon as they left Guizhong brought all the Adepti into her scheme.