Work Text:
By Hermione’s latest count, at least fourteen couples had loudly and publicly broken up across the school, and at least half of the Gryffindor fifth-through-seventh years had aggressively kissed someone in another house without provocation – all in the last twelve hours. People were being frantically pulled into alcoves by unexpected classmates or crying in corridors across the castle, and Hermione couldn't tell up from down with what was happening. Screams and accusations bounced from House to House with impunity. Umbridge was fuming, setting up special detention periods for those she caught, which created its own sort of headache for the prefects – they were trying their hardest to interrupt and hurry along anyone snogging in corners, for fear of severe repercussions should Umbridge find the teens herself. With the resulting hormonal and emotional chaos reaching new heights, Hermione expected none but the Weasley twins to be behind it.
After her rounds, Hermione had demanded the Marauder’s Map from (a rather red and embarrassed) Harry, whom she had only an hour ago found panicking and stumbling out of a broom cupboard on the third floor with Blaise Zabini. Then, she sat down to wait.
Just past midnight, Fred and George Weasley slipped in through the portrait hole, doing their best to be stealthy and failing miserably all the same. Their heads were bent low toward one another, whispering as they made their way across the otherwise deserted Common Room.
“What in the sodding hell have you two done now?”
The twins both jumped, and Hermione was fairly satisfied to see that George caught his ankle on the leg of a stray stool and jammed his hip against the sofa.
“Oi, don’t scare a bloke like that,” Fred groused as he caught sight of Hermione.
"You think that was scary? I can hardly imagine what you'll think when I report you to Dumbledore for being responsible for the rash of sexual assault happening all over the castle."
Hermione had chosen her words to get maximum reaction and to startle a response from them, and she wasn't disappointed. A look of shock and disbelief flashed across both their faces in unison, and even by the dying firelight she could tell they'd both gone pale underneath the burnished copper of their freckles.
"It's not assault," George blurted hastily.
"Yeah, it only lets you kiss if you're both keen on each other and want to snog, see?" Fred rushed.
"So it's not assault, each person wants it."
"Exactly, and they both have to have eaten it, so it's not going to affect every-"
Hermione stood from her chair, and the twins fell silent.
"So you're only just drugging people?" she asked, hearing the acid in her own voice.
"CONSENSUALLY!" they cried together.
Fred watched Hermione warily as she planted her fists on her hips, arching an eyebrow at them.
"They signed up for it, we swear. It's a new product we're testing."
"Fifth years and up only – we gave them a waiver and everything."
Hermione willed herself to keep her voice calm in light of this information, tempering her outrage and doing her best to give them a fair shout.
"What is it?"
"It's a boiled sweet," George answered, digging in the pocket of his robe and pulling out several garishly coloured sweeties. "We're calling them Kissing Concoction."
When she unwrapped one of the sweets Hermione saw a glossy, semi-transparent sugar in a rosy shade. It shone with a pearlescent tone in the firelight, and Hermione raised it up to get a closer look. Small flecks were suspended within the sugar, glinting red and violet.
"I'm assuming a lust potion of some sort," she scoffed. "But how exactly are you ensuring it's consensual? There aren't any lust potions that do that – that's why they're regulated. Hogwarts doesn't even put them on the syllabus."
"It's the wrapper," George answered, enthusiasm slipping into his tone. "We've layered charms in it, see? When you unwrap it, you get hit with a bit of an anti-compulsion charm, and we soaked the wrapping in a confidence boosting brew."
"And the lust potion is only a drop or two per sweet, so you're hardly being drugged senseless," Fred tacked on. "You can fight it if you want, but the confidence boosting brew just makes you less afraid of doing it. Plus the candies have to be ingested around the same time – the potion takes a few moments, and then it wears off after about an hour."
"What's stopping people from force-feeding them to other people? Or tricking younger students into taking it?"
Fred and George exchanged a look.
"Erm, well, you are. Or, your D.A. sign-up sheet.”
Hermione grinned impishly. “You noticed?”
“That it was dripping in magic? Yeah, we noticed,” Fred chuckled wryly.
“We don’t know exactly what your parchment does, but I imagine it’s something to ward against snitches, so we took that idea and applied it to our waiver. Anyone with ill-intent when taking the sweets will be, ah, very identifiable,” George enthused.
“And if we happened to tell them it would be incredibly painful, well, that’s just a bit of extra deterrent,” Fred winked.
“So if I were to take it now, I wouldn’t be compelled to snog the first person I see?”
“Not unless they’d also eaten the sweet and you’re both attracted to one another.”
Nodding, Hermione popped the candy into her mouth. Immediately, a warmth spread through her body, settling in a quiet hum that was noticeable, but not overwhelming. She checked in with herself as she sucked the sweet, rolling it around her mouth as it dissolved with a slight fizzing sensation. It was unidentifiable sweet, with just a hint of something floral. Not the most pleasant taste, but hardly objectionable.
“And how do you feel?” Fred asked cautiously.
“Neither of you seem more snoggable than I’d expect,” she answered shrewdly. “Have either of you eaten one lately?”
George shook his head, but Fred grinned mischievously.
“Well, Granger, are you satisfied?”
“It only works if there’s mutual attraction when both people eat it?” she clarified. At their dual nods, she continued. “Then you two take one. That way I’ll know it’s not a compulsion charm, because there's no way we'd end up snogging.”
The twins exchanged a glance as they each took a sweet.
“Don’t find us attractive then, Granger?” Fred teased, even as he popped the sweet in his mouth.
George unwrapped his sweet slowly, watching Hermione closely.
“Your attractiveness isn't the question, is it?” she said blithely. “The whole school knows you two are too fit for your own good. It's not like either of you two would want to snog me of your own free will as I'm hardly your type, so if it’s not a compulsion that falls in place when you've eaten it – as you said – then neither of you will be wanting to kiss me.”
“Hang on,” George interrupted, “you think we don’t find you attractive?”
“You’re kidding, right?” Fred was agog, his mouth hanging open.
Hermione felt her face heat, and she clenched her hands around the sweet wrapper to stop herself from fidgeting as the discomfort rose.
"You're fit, Granger. Anyone with eyes and even a passing interest in a good bum knows it." Fred scoffed.
The warmth suffusing her kicked up a notch, and Hermione was filled with an overwhelming decisiveness: she was going to snog Fred Weasley, and he was going to like it.
She lurched forward, and Fred met her halfway with one hand gripping her hip and the other sinking into her hair just behind her ear. She gripped the front of his robes and pulled, tugging him down to close the distance between them and Fred happily followed. The moment their lips met, a smug satisfaction clicked into place in the back of Hermione's mind.
It was rough, hurried and hot, and it was only when Fred broke away to press hot kisses along her jaw and bite down gently on the skin just below her ear that Hermione gasped and stumbled back.
"Still think it's a compulsion?"
Fred's cocky voice echoed faintly in her ears, and she dragged a slightly-trembling hand across her face.
"It doesn't exactly negate my point about compulsion," she managed to scoff. "You didn't want to kiss me til you ate the sweet. And actually, now that I have tried it, if there's mutual attraction then that doesn't disprove the compulsion element at all. I'd need to take it with someone I'm not at all attracted to, since you went and negated my point by saying y –"
"Then what if I eat it?" George interjected. His voice was low and rumbly in the space between them.
Hermione glanced over at him to see the rosy sweet still pinched between his fingers. She dragged her gaze up to settle on George's face. Beneath the slight smile tugging at his lips, his expression mirrored Fred's – pupils blown wide and drinking in her mussed hair and swollen lips with a feral hunger. If she hadn't seen the sweet between his fingers she would have assumed the potion had entered his system already.
"Doesn't really prove the point either, seeing as I also find you attractive," Hermione breathed out, her pulse beating wildly at the confession. "And if you don't eat it then it proves nothing since we won't both be affected."
"So you want to kiss him?" Fred's sly voice broke Hermione's concentration, and she broke her stare to direct her gaze back at Fred.
"Very much," Hermione admitted brazenly. "But if I do, it only proves my point that it's the sweets."
"So we widen our testing pool for you," George answered casually. He leant against the sofa arm, watching her closely. "If we dragged a couple of people down here who you weren't attracted to, gave them a sweet, and watched to see if you snogged, would that prove it to you?"
"Ye-yes," Hermione stammered. "But it's after midnight, and no one else is awake."
Fred scoffed. "It's Friday night, Granger. There's half a dozen blokes upstairs who are probably only just brushing their teeth."
"Give us some names, and we'll check in with the lads to see if they're up for it."
Hermione opened and closed her mouth several times, staring at the devious smirks of the twins in front of her.
"I – erm, I suppose that's alright." She squirmed as she said it, tugging distractedly at the hem of her sleep shirt.
"Lee's definitely awake, and maybe Kenneth if he's done with that Herbology essay," Fred ticked off on his fingers. "I bet McClaggen is up too."
"I bet Harry'll be up for it," George supplied with a smile. "Any of these names going to work for you?"
Hermione fidgeted as she contemplated the names. Of the ones listed, she really only knew two of them well enough, but she supposed Kenneth was well-versed in the twins' antics after seven years in a dormitory with them. And she didn't particularly find him attractive, so perhaps…
"Kenneth. And Harry, I suppose." The idea of kissing Harry sent a wave of discomfort through her, as if she'd be kissing a brother.
"Oho, is our favorite prefect interested in McClaggen then? Oh Georgie, we should maybe bring him down anyway to let them have a moment."
Hermione choked down a gag at the mention of the smarmy sixth year. "Hardly," she scoffed. "Moreso I don't trust him not to kiss me whether I want it or not – the sweet is irrelevant. And Lee, well…" she trailed off, feeling her face heat once again.
"Are you a bit moony over our mate there, Hermione?" George teased, an odd glint in his eye and his jaw tight despite the smile. "Lee will be flattered, I'm sure."
A snort of laughter escaped Hermione before she could slap a hand over her face. Emboldened by the surprise amusement and crushing the sweet wrapper in her hand again, Hermione set them straight.
"More like been there, done that, Weasley."
As she'd hoped, twin jaws fell open at the implication of her statement.
"Lee?"
"When did –"
"You snogged, really?"
"-- didn't even tell us!"
Their exclamations and questions jumbled together as they spoke over one another, and Hermione let a smug smile slip onto her face once more.
"Would you get Kenneth and Harry, please?" she asked, sweetly as she could muster. "If I try and get Harry, Ron will want to come too, and I'm fairly sure none of us want that."
This earned her twin smirks, and the two rushed toward the stairs. A few bangs sounded, and within a minute they reappeared with two others in tow. Fred has his hand on Harry's elbow, tugging him down the stairs with his pyjamas buttoned askew, while Kenneth followed at a more sedate pace, bemusement apparent even on his normally serious face as he tied the belt to his dressing gown.
"Granger here needs a test to show our Kissing Concoctions are harmless and aren't dosing people," George explained as he handed each boy a sweet. "And as she's already snogged Fred with one and doesn't believe us, we decided we needed more test subjects. She either doesn't know you well enough to fancy you –" he continued, clapping a hand to Kenneth's shoulder.
"-- or she knows you too well," Fred finished with an elbow to Harry's arm. "So, if neither of you are opposed, please pop that sweet in and show her it's safe so I can get back to snogging her."
George's amused smile melted through whatever residual confidence boosting brew was in her system, and Hermione dropped her head into her hand with a groan.
"Are you sure, Hermione?" Harry's nervous voice broke into her self-pitying reverie.
Hermione lifted her head and looked at his bewildered, apprehensive face. She smiled reassuringly at both boys.
"Yes. Not necessarily about snogging Fred again," she amended with an unamused look in his direction. "But I'd like to get the tests over with so I don't have to report this. I'm sure you can both understand how serious it would be if the sweets weren't safe or if they were to be abused in some way, what with Umbridge on the warpath and a castle full of hormonal teenagers. I don't want to have to turn them in."
Kenneth grimaced and nodded, popping the sweet in his mouth without delay. Harry scrunched his forehead at her, less certain.
"You snogged Fred?" he clarified slowly.
Hermione sighed. "Yes, Harry. And I need to be sure it's not a compulsion of the sweets. Since you're like a brother to me, I hardly have any pre-existing attraction to you, so you were the safest bet. If I feel compelled to kiss you, we have a problem on our hands. And Kenneth –" she glanced at the older boy apologetically.
He waved a dismissive hand. "No worries, Granger. You're nice enough, but not my type either."
They exchanged a small smile.
"I can feel the boost," Kenneth added after a moment. "But no desire to kiss anyone."
"Had you taken one before?" Hermione asked curiously.
Kenneth shook his head. "I try not to get more involved with their trick sweets than I need to be."
George chuckled and slung an arm over Kenneth's shoulder.
"Ta, mate," Fred grinned.
The silence that fell was punctuated by Harry finally unwrapping his sweet and popping it in his mouth.
"If it's any help, Hermione, what you saw earlier wasn't, erm, wasn't forced. We took the sweets, yeah, but it –" Harry coughed nervously and swallowed the remnants of the sweet, "-- but they had already worn off a while before you found us."
Harry's face was as vibrantly red as the scarlet sofa, and Hermione couldn't stop the bubble of laughter that slipped from her.
"Good to know, Harry," she recovered quickly. "I appreciate that information. How are you feeling now?"
Harry fidgeted nervously for a few moments before Hermione saw his shoulders visibly relax. He dropped his head back and sighed.
"Thankfully less embarrassed now that the wrapper's kicking in, but not like I want to kiss you. Sorry," he added hastily.
"No apologies needed," Hermione reassured him. "That's actually a relief. Thank you both very much."
Kenneth smiled and nodded, addressing the twins and turning to walk back upstairs. "If you two make it back up to the room tonight, be quiet, eh?"
They chuckled and nodded, turning their heads together to confer quietly, and Hermione returned to watching Harry.
"You're sure you didn't feel forced earlier?" she asked gently.
Harry shook his head decisively. "Definitely not forced. It just gave me a bit of a boost, and when I saw – when I knew we'd both eaten one, it just felt like I knew we would both like it. I wanted it, but I wasn't going to do it in the Great Hall or anything."
"And you don't feel anything now?"
"No," he averred. "Do you still want to snog Fred?"
The cheekiness of his tone startled a snort of laughter from her.
"Would it bother you if I said yes?"
"Snog whoever you want," he laughed, "as long as it's not me."
They laughed, and Hermione approached him to hug him tightly.
"Thanks, Harry. Go to bed now. And please don't tell Ron about this."
"'Course not, I don't want to have that conversation. But maybe keep the snogging to a minimum if you don't want him to find out."
At that moment, Hermione felt hands slide around her waist, pressing firmly into her sides.
"No promises, Potter. But I'd recommend you get going unless you want to watch," Fred offered slyly.
Hermione rolled her eyes and Harry beat a hasty retreat, steadfastly refusing to glance over his shoulder at them.
Hermione sighed and tried to turn in Fred's grip, but his hands tightened and held him in place.
"Tut tut," he chastised in a low voice. His breath tickled her ear where he'd ducked down to speak quietly to her. "I've had a taste, as as much as I'd like to spend all night with this bum, someone else wants a turn." He punctuated his point with a firm press of his hips against her bum as he pivoted them to face George.
George, who stood several steps away with his hand mussing his hair and a tense look on his face.
"No sweet," George offered. "I didn't eat it."
"And you want to kiss me?" Hermione's chin lifted at her bold words, Fred's solid presence behind her boosting her even more.
"Very much." He dropped his hands and closed the distance between them. Fred dropped a hand, allowing George to replace it with one of his own. His hand smoothed over her hip and he lifted his gaze from her lips to her eyes.
"May I?"
At her nod, George leant in.
Where Fred was firm and controlling in his kisses, George played with her. He whispered his lips against hers, pulling back frustratingly every time she tried to escalate the kiss, before finally acquiescing and kissing her deeply. His tongue darted out to caress her lip, and Hermione nipped at his in return. This dragged a groan out of George, and it was like a switch flipped. His hand left her hip as he brought both hands up to sink into her hair and tip her head where he wanted her.
As a gasp escaped her, Hermione felt Fred's hands begin to wander and the sensation of four hands on her –and two sets of lips simultaneously working her own and brushing along the exposed skin of her shoulder – began to overwhelm her. Shuddering a gasp, she broke the kiss and wrenched herself away.
She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, taking deep breaths.
"Are you alright?" a low voice rumbled through her.
With a shuddering final breath, she dropped her hands to look at them. Twin gazes of concern were directed back at her. "Yes. I was just getting very overwhelmed."
"Did we overstep?" George asked in concern, moving forward half a step before Fred's hand on his shoulder brought him to a halt.
"N-no," she started slowly. "I enjoyed it. You're both excellent kissers." The admission came with a wavering laugh.
Fred offered a small smile back at her, releasing George to sit down on the sofa. George took the cue and sat down as well, leaving Hermione free to do what she pleased.
"It's a bit odd to be snogging two people at once. Good, I think. But odd."
George nodded.
"Also, it just brings up a lot of questions," she finished lamely.
Both of them shrugged. "We like you, Hermione. Both of us. We're not asking you to choose one of us –"
"Though of course we understand if you want to," George added hastily.
"Right. But we're open to seeing where it goes, if you are."
Hermione foresaw more questions in her future, and likely more than one list of the pros and cons. But that hardly addressed the erumpent in the room.
"But, both of you?"
George shrugged, exchanging a glance with Fred. "It's not common, but triadic relationships exist. It gets a bit tricky if there are marriage rites or bonding to consider, but it's not taboo. Especially since twins share magical cores."
The onslaught of information and half-formed thoughts jumbled around in Hermione's brain. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before giving in to the gentle tugging of Fred's hand in hers.
She allowed herself to be drawn down to the couch between them, where Fred immediately snagged her lips with his own, and George slipped a hand just under the hem of her sleep shirt. A startled gasp escaped her as his nails grazed across her hip and Fred took advantage of her mouth opening beneath his.
Research could wait until morning -- the library wasn't going anywhere.