Chapter Text
Husk doesn't get paid enough for this.
Mind you, he doesn't get paid in general, but the point still stood, especially now when he was looking at a five-year-old Princess Charlie Morningstar. The young lady was looking at him with wide eyes that were entirely too trusting, hair floating behind her like it was weightless. Husk grimaced down at her and turned to find Angel.
The spider luckily only stood a few feet away, juggling a terrifyingly tiny Lucifer and a terrifyingly thin Alastor. Lucifer, giggly and with blue eyes, tried to reach for Alastor, hands sparking gold with angelic powers. Alastor, meanwhile, was trying desperately to get away from Lucifer and Angel both, trembling all the while. Angel looked away from the two of them to stare back at Husk, apparently as stressed as Husk felt.
Honestly, Husk was still confused how this all happened. One moment they were joking about, drinks being cheered and tears of mirth streaming down their faces. In the next moment, Vaggie had misspoken and called Lucifer ‘dad’, causing his magic to flare out and then- well, here they were. At least Vaggie and Cherri were getting along as they sat on the couch.
Husk sighed and turned back to Charlie, who grinned when she saw him look at her. Charlie lifted her arms and blinked up at him, a silent request for him to pick her up, and damn if Husk wasn't soft for the kid. He grumbled a bit, but picked her up nonetheless. Charlie laughed.
“Huh, didn't know you were so good with kids, pussycat,” Angel observed, continuing to carefully juggle the boys. Alastor looked near tears now. “You know, I think I'd make a good mom~”
“That's great, babe. Boss is going to start crying,” Husk muttered tiredly. Angel jumped, jostling the boys further, and resolutely pushing Alastor to tears. The boy started hiccuping with sobs, which only caused Lucifer to pause and similarly tear up. Charlie wasn't far behind, and then they had three distressed toddlers.
“Shit,” Angel hissed. Lucifer's wings popped out and hit him in the face, which didn't help the situation very much. “Shit. Fuck. Motherfucking damn it-”
“Fuck!” Cherri suddenly echoed from the couch. Husk and Angel whirled around to her. Vaggie giggled beside her and, bolstered by her new friend's joy, Cherri continued, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
“Oh, Goddamnit.” Husk knew there really wasn't any stopping the Australian who has probably heard worse by now, but it was the principal of it all. He hurried over to the girls and settled Charlie beside them, only to finally be hit with a realization that made his fur stand on edge: Niffty was not here. “Fuck.”
“Fuck!” Cherri giggled.
A thud rang out behind Husk, momentarily distracting him from the swearing child and Niffty's disappearance. It had been Angel, dropping Alastor in an effort to hand onto Lucifer, whose wings and flailing proved to be a bit too much for Angel. Husk stared as Alastor ran up the stairs with startling speed, then turned to make eye contact with Angel.
This was going to be a long day.
Angel had ended up getting one of Fat Nugget's play pens to set up in the lobby, using it as a play pen for the kids while Husk hurried off to find Alastor and Niffty. One alone running off was bad enough, but the two of them, with apparently as many memories as they had when they were actually those ages, spelt disaster. And so, Husk hurried through the halls of the hotel, slamming open door after door in an effort to find the kids.
Thanks to his sharp hearing, he did eventually hear laughter. Husk paused, breathing heavily for a long moment as he tried to locate the direction of the sound. His ears swiveled this way and that, tail lashing, until he pinpointed the noise as coming from Charlie and Vaggie's room.
Husk approached slower this time, ready to make himself scarce upon going in. If it was Niffty, then Husk had no clue on how she'd react, which made dealing with her a hassle. Alastor was a different problem, as usual. Husk knew the other disliked men, which was something that had stemmed from his childhood; Husk would need to be gentle no matter who it was.
He cracked the door open and peered inside, slitted eyes landing instantly on the source of the noise. A small, probably-no-older-than-Charle-right-now girl sat close to the bed, laying on her stomach and swinging her legs in the air. She was waving her tiny hands about as she talked about nothing and everything. Beside her was Razzle, nodding along and huffing smoke at what he must deem appropriate times. And under the bed, watching the two of them with dark eyes, was Alastor, occasionally giggling.
Husk sighed, partly in relief and partly in amusement. Trust the two of them to find each other immediately, and to become friends on top of that. Leaning up against the doorway, Husk crossed his arms and shut this door with his tail, content to just watch the two until they noticed he was there.
“And mama says I need to learn to cook young so I can make my future husband happy!” Niffty was saying, emphasizing her movements to show her irritation. “And I wanna make mama proud, but I keep burning everything!”
“I like cooking with maman,” Alastor murmured in reply. Husk nearly startled at the lack of Transatlantic accent, immediately noticing Alastor spoke with a southern twang now. Has he always had that, simply hiding beneath a fake accent and static, or had he lost it as he grew up?
“You cook? But that's not a man's job.” And ah, right. Gender roles. Husk had forgotten Niffty had been exposed to so much of that bullshit. That might prove to be an issue. “What do you cook?”
“Maman taught me ta make beans and rice the other day,” Alastor answered with a wider smile. He paused a second later, however, and wilted. “But maman isn't here…”
Niffty nodded with a thoughtful frown, “Yeah, my mama isn't here either. I wonder why?”
Husk cleared his throat and pushed himself off the doorway, ready to step in before the kids thought too deeply into that, only to feel a pang of guilt when Alastor quickly scurried deeper under the bed and Niffty threw her hands over her mouth to muffle a scream, even Razzle startled beside her. Husk was quick to crouch down to the ground, hands raised.
“Woah now, kiddos,” he whispered, as gently as he could with his gravelly voice. “Hey, I ain't gonna hurt you, okay?”
Alastor seemed disinclined to believe him, making no movements to the point where he looked deathly still. Niffty, on the other hand, had no such reservations. She perked up at seeing him and skipped over, Razzle at her heels, and said, “You're a kitty! A kitty in a suit!”
“Uh, yeah, I am. Do you like… kitties?” Husk hated this. If it wasn't for the fact that he didn't know how to deal with scared children, then it was for the fact that his coworker was cooing over him with awed eyes. One of these days, the cat thing won't be an issue, but it isn't one of those days.
“Mhm!” Niffty nodded. She stood on her tippy toes to reach his head, petting his fur as she gave a large grin. “But mama said not to feed the strays. Are you a stray, mister?”
Patience, Husk. She's, like, four. This is fine. “Nah. My-” least sexual word he could think of, least sexual word he could think of, least- “companion is downstairs waiting for me. Would you like to go meet him?”
“Ooh! Yes, please! Ah- but mama said not to go with strangers…” Niffty trailed off, eyes -two of them, at that- locking onto Alastor again. The boy still hadn't moved, and Husk wasn't all that convinced the boy was even still breathing. It was clear, however, that Niffty wouldn't go without Al, which was fine by Husk who was doing the same.
“Hey, kid,” Husk said, reaching into his pocket. He shuffled around in there until he pulled out his deck of cards, shuffling them for a bit. “Wanna see a magic trick?” No response comes save for an excited squeal from Niffty; Husk forged on. He spread out the cards into a fan then laid them as close to the bed as he dared getting to Alastor. Husk waved to them, “Pick a card.”
Alastor blinked pathetically at him, a small breath escaping him in a gasp. For a minute, Husk started to become on edge, worried Alastor wouldn't take the bait. But beside him, Niffty nodded enthusiastically, and Alastor seemed to take that as motivation enough to reach out a tiny hand and slide a card toward him. Razzle clapped.
“Good job,” Husk praised, taking the rest of the cards back. He showed Niffty how he shuffled them again while Alastor watched, clinging to the card. Husk stopped shuffling and swiped the card off the top of the deck. He held up the four of spades and showed it to Alastor, “Is this your card?”
Alastor looked down to his card, looked back up, and repeated the actions a few times over. Then he made a small noise and crawled out of the bed to excitedly show Niffty his card. Niffty took her turn looking between the cards, then clapped her hands excitedly.
“It is! It is!” Niffty laughed, clinging to Alastor's arm. Alastor laughed softly alongside her, smiling wide.
“It is, is it?” Husk chuckled. He slowly reached out, waiting for Alastor to pull back. When he didn't, still staring at Husk in awe, Husk patted his head with a paw. “How about this, then: you keep the card, and we'll go down to see my companion, alright?”
“Yes, sir,” Alastor readily agreed, card held close. Niffty nodded beside him. Husk grinned and chuckled again, scooping them up with only mild difficulty. When he wasn't shaking with fear, Alastor was pretty easy to hold, and Niffty clung on tight anyhow. Husk didn't have to worry about Razzle, either, knowing he'd be fine on his own.
Still, as they walked back down to Angel and the others, Husk did start purring, albeit reluctantly. It was worth it though for Niffty and Alastor's twin noises of joy.
Angel was doing fine.
Not even fine, actually- he was dandy, he was swell, he was-
He was doing very, very bad.
All of his posturing in front of Husk had been fake, if that wasn't evident enough by Angel dropping both Al and the King of Hell. Angel had no idea how to handle children considering his only experience with them was Molly, who was his twin, and so didn't really count. Honestly, he was just lucky that he remembered Fat Nugget's play pen or shit would have hit the fan on second one.
At the very least, Husk was back with Niffty and Al, and apparently remarkably good with the both of them. Angel watched him settle them down in the play pen and then drop onto the couch, ceasing the consistent purring.
Angel, frazzled and exhausted and still a little shocked, stumbled over to the couch to join Husk, flopping down against him with long limbs askew. Husk just grunted, wings flaring out to wrap around Angel.
“What are we supposed ta do with ‘em?” Angel grumbled. Lucifer had made his way back to Alastor as he had earlier, making rubber duckie noises as he swirled around his angelic power. Alastor, thankfully, let him do so, though his smile had long crossed the line of indulgent into nervousness. “I mean, we can't just leave them like this!”
Husk hummed. Charlie was babbling about the newest story book her mom had gotten her to Vaggie, who nodded with rapt attention, Cherri braiding -read: tangling- her hair. “Honestly, I'm not sure what the fuck we're supposed to do,” Husk sighed. “Best bet I got is to call Rosie, but…”
“Shit. I didn't even think about the other Overlords. And- dammit, what if word gets out that Al, Charlie, and Luci are all children? The hotel is going to get ransacked!” Angel threw his hands up in despair, all four of them. Three of the most powerful beings this side of Hell -two of which are the most powerful beings in all of Hell- all too young to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Angel just had to be glad he wasn't among them, lest Val become an even bigger threat to their little issue than he already was.
Husk heaved a sigh through his nose, ears twitching. He waved at Niffty as she waved through the bars of the playpen, answering Angel, “We just can't let that happen. Stay down low and all that. Shouldn't be too hard for me, I barely leave the hotel, but you…”
“I'm going to have a harder time with this,” Angel agreed. “And the Voxtek cameras outside are going to be an issue without a signal jammer.”
“We don't need to worry about one of those. Boss makes sure me and Nif have one on us for whenever he isn't around. Just focus on not letting the Vees suspect anything,” Husk said with a shake of his head.
Their talk was cut short by Vaggie shaking the bars of the play pen to get their attention. They both turned to her, ready to leap up should she knock the wall down and let the hoard of children flood out. But, upon gaining their attention, she simply said, “Tengo hambre.”
“You wanna hambre?” Angel asked. Italian and Spanish, for as similar as they seemed at first glance, were two different languages, and Angel only spoke one of them. He didn't know, either, that Vaggie's first language was Spanish and not English. That might make things a little hard.
Or not, he amended, watching Husk stand with a stretch. He asked, “You hungry? What about the rest of you problems?”
Charlie immediately nodded, bobbing her head up and down, “Yes, please!” Beside her, Cherri joined in with the nodding, making them look like bobble heads, though they were slightly out of sync with each other.
Lucifer chirped in answer. He shook Alastor until the other boy squeaked out a reply, then chirped again. The angel's -and, yes, there was no possible way the little king in front of him was the Devil anymore- obsession with Alastor was simultaneously cute and hilarious. Angel really would like to take some pictures but-
But nothing. Alastor had no powers now. Giggling to himself as Husk tried to figure out what everyone would eat, Angel took out his phone and started snapping a dozen photos. Lucifer hanging off Alastor's shoulders. Vaggie's mess of hair. Cherri and Charlie the bobble heads. Niffty precariously perched upon a tower of blocks.
“Anthony,” Husk called, breaking Angel out of his giddy amusement. Angel turned to Husk, worried he'd tell him off, but found him smiling fondly. Angel smiled back, and Husk continued, “Do we have the stuff to make grilled cheese? The kids have finally agreed that that's tolerable.”
“Uh. Maybe? Will they even be able to eat Hell cheese?”
“Dunno. But we have enough trash cans and bathrooms if not.”
Making grilled cheese with six children sure is an experience, Angel found out. To begin with, they all want to help. Niffty rambled on about cooking being a woman's job -to which Husk and Angel shared a grimace- while Alastor tugged on their clothes nervously and very hesitantly asked if he could do anything. Charlie and Lucifer had taken turns climbing onto the counters to try and steal cheese, while Vaggie attempted to set out plates for them. Cherri was the odd one out and instead ran around the table, making car noises.
Once the first batch of grilled cheese was finished and the kids had settled down, Angel realized a new issue had presented itself: they just couldn't make enough. Even with their tiny hands and mouths, they were eating the grilled cheese faster than Husk and Angel could make them. At one point, they had to call down Keekee, Razzle, and Fat Nuggets to entertain the kids between servings in an effort to catch up on food supply. Angel could really only be thankful that they could, in fact, eat Hell cheese.
“We're not going to be able to do this all day. What if they get hungry again?” Angel hissed in question, flipping another grilled cheese and wincing when cheese spilt into the pan. It sizzled angrily; Cherri cackled.
Husk shook his head and slid another grilled cheese onto Niffty's plate. The girl stabbed it a few times with a butter knife then peeled it apart, eating it one clump at a time. Husk said, “Yeah, I'm realizing that. Kids eat a lot, too, don't they? We might need to order in and hope this only lasts 24 hours.”
“This better only last a day,” Angel sighed. Pan in hand, he spun around and called out, “Alright! Who wants batch number 762?”