Chapter Text
Summer in Texas was like living in Satan's dry, crusty, burning asshole. Dave was lying in his room on a particularly hot day. All the fans were on and every window in his room was covered and yet still, somehow, the whole apartment felt accustomed to the inside of an oven. It was even worse that the air conditioner was broken last week and despite Dirk's crazy prowess in all things mechanical, it had yet to be fixed. Shit ass fucking bro, too held up on his horse dick projects. Dave peeled his sweaty back off the lukewarm floor when he heard a ping coming from his phone. He opened it up to see that Rose had been messaging him while he was staring at the ceiling, wallowing in sticky, scorched misery.
tentacleTherapist (TT) has begun pestering turntechGodhead (TG)
TT: Hello dear brother.
TT: I wish to inform you that me and Roxy have just got off our flight and are currently heading towards the bagging area.
TT: I would appreciate it if you would inform Dirk so he can get his ass over here before we melt inside this stingy, humid airport.
TT: Also Roxy wants me to ask if you could go and buy us some popsicles since the AC is broken.
TT: It is still broken, correct?
TG: as broken as a wii remote after some hyperactive kid forgot to tie the wrist strap on while playing wii sports
TT: He still hasn't fixed it? Seriously?
TG: he says he's too "busy" to do it
TT: Bullshit
TG: exactly
TG: i can agree that the statement is nothing but the steamiest mess of hot radioactive cow shit that has ever graced this earth
TT: Well then.
TT: I second Roxy's motion of popsicles then.
TT: Make sure to get raspberry.
TT: Roxy says she wants cotton candy.
TG: fine
TG: ill venture out into the 200 degree heat for your popsicles
TG: i can't trust that they won't be pop soup when you get here though and ill probably be a melted puddle right beside them
TT: Then I will make sure to stick you back into the freezer until you’re nice and solid again
TG: thanks rose
TG: great to know you have my back
TG: okay i guess i'm going on this suicide mission then now
TG: make sure you have some buckets and rags to clean me up off the floor
TT: I will not let you down.
Dave picks himself up off the floor, his thighs making a *shtick* sound when they pulled off of the glossy, wooden paneling. He quickly throws on a random tank top and makes his way into the living room. There he finds his bro draped over the futon, eyes pressed shut with two oil-covered palms pressing into the sockets.
"Yo, Dirk. Roxy and Rose just got off their flight."
"Shit, already? I thought they were supposed to land around 12?"
"It's 12:30 dude. Get your ass up."
Dirk grones and pulls himself up off the futon. He stretched himself out and wiped the sweat off his forehead with his hand, leaving a smear of black oil behind. He grabs a small towel from the table and uses it to clean off all the sweat and grease before grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter.
"Oh wait, give me twenty bucks."
"Fuck no, why?"
"The girls want popsicles, also I know your fucking loaded so don't pretend that twenty bucks is a lot to you."
"Just because you have money, doesn't mean you should spend it all on frivolous things, little bro."
Despite his protests, Dirk reaches into his wallet and hands twenty bucks over to Dave. They both know what will happen if those girls don't get their popsicles. With that, Dirk walks out the front door leaving Dave all by his lonesome. He's about to leave too but his locs are making his forehead really fucking sweaty and uncomfortable, so he decides to grab one of Rose's headbands that she left behind the last time she was here. With his new girly headwear acquired, Dave makes his way outside. He’s hit with a wave of heat the second he exits the apartment but he must press on. For popsicles.
It's hot as fuck right now. So much so that Dave can't even think of a bizarre way to describe it from just how bad his brain is overheating. Dave's walk to the corner store feels way longer than usual and he's almost at the brink of death (not really) when he finally makes it to the parking lot just outside the building. There, he pauses, because right outside the corner store are the two kids that he sees every day he comes by here, and for some godforsaken reason, they're still dressed in their emo/gothic clothes. Given, it's not the usual attire. The girl has opted for more so a black blouse today along with her typical red skirt and the boy is at least wearing a t-shirt but he's still wearing those dark grey tactical pants that he's always fucking wears. Dave can feel himself sweating harder just by looking at them.
He passes his gaze back over to the tall girl and gives her a little wave. While Dave doesn't talk to these kids much, he's still pretty familiar with them because of how often he sees them. Mainly with the vampire chick who he's 100% sure has the hots for his sister (and who he's 100% sure his sister has the hots for as well). Dave is an excellent brother and amazing wingman, so he's made it his goal to greet this creepy girl every time she's there.
"Damn, how are you guys not dying of heatstroke in those clothes? Can't you make an exception from your emo goth thing for the hottest fucking day on the planet?"
The latter one immediately tenses up upon seeing him. He shoots Dave a glare that he’d almost call intimidating if angry boy’s tall-ass friend wasn't already extenuating his short-ass stature.
"Fuck off Strider, why don't you-" He stops though as Kanaya puts her hand out in front of him, cutting him off.
"Honestly Dave, it feels like misery, but one must stay committed to their craft. You of all people should know that." You give Kanaya a nod. "True, true, but still, isn't there more breezy black shit you could wear."
"This is as breezy as my wardrobe gets, as for Karkat, well." She looks over at her tiny friend with a look that is both disapproving and sympathetic at the same time.
"I'm perfectly fucking fine, thank you very much," he barks back. Even so, they both kinda look like shit. They're sweaty as hell and their tan skin is starting to become a little red. Honestly, Karkat looks like he might pass out any second now. Suddenly Dave has an idea.
"Wait here." Before either of them can respond, Dave heads inside the corner store and starts digging through the freezer. He grabs one cotton candy (for Roxy), one raspberry (for Rose), one mango (for Dirk), and one apple (for himself). Dave’s favorite thing about this corner store is that it's one of the only ones that sell apple juice freeze pops. He doesn't know what flavor to get the other two so he opts for cherry and coconut and hopes they like it. Dave pays for the popsicles and heads back outside to where Kanaya and Karkat are waiting. They both raise an eyebrow at him as he pulls the two popsicles out of his bag and hands them to them.
"Here, I didn't know which one you guys wanted and I forgot to ask so I really hope you guys aren't like, allergic and shit." The two of them glare at each other looking a little confused but after a bit Kanaya smiles. Karkat just grunts and looks away.
"Thank you, Dave. You didn't have to but we surely appreciate it." She takes the plastic off her popsicle and begins to eat it. Dave looks back over to Karkat and notices he's already done the same. Kanaya ended up with the cherry one and Karkat got the coconut. Dave feels a little awkward just watching these kids eat popsicles so he decides to have his now too. He opens up the apple freeze pop and starts going to town. Karkat looks at Dave with some semblance of disgust.
"The fuck is that? It looks like piss."
"Says the kid with the cum popsicle, and it's apple juice dumbass."
"Apple juice? What are you, four?"
"Karkat," Kanaya interrupts. "Don't be rude."
"Oh screw off, you aren't my mom"
"But I can surely tell your mother about your attitude right now, is that what you want?"
Even though his face is already red from the sun, Dave’s certain he sees it darken as Karkat blushes from what is presumably embarrassment.
"Kanaya!"
"Now now Karkat, don't forget that I'm older than you and technically your aunt. It is my job to make sure you stay safe and out of trouble, and if that means informing your mother of your bad behavior, then so be it."
Karkat opens his mouth to say something but quickly shuts it closed. He rolls his eyes and grumbles to himself as Dave tries to suppress a laugh. He looks at him again with that unintimidating glare.
Dave stands there for a few more seconds before remembering he has other popsicles in his bag that he need to get home before they melt. Quickly, Dave says goodbye to his friends(?) and starts his trek back home.