Chapter Text
To say that Chip hates waking up would be an understatement. Especially when it was a work day. Truly the bane of his existence.
However, since the world still marches on, Chip pulls himself out of bed.
A quick glance at the clock lets him know it's 4:45.
No, not in the morning, that would be CRIMINAL by Chip's standards, thankfully working a night job meant not waking up anywhere close to morning.
Deciding that putting on a shirt is too much work at the moment, Chip began his day in sweatpant, half closed eyes, and a trudge towards the kitchen in search of coffee.
Upon gracing said Kitchen with his presence, Chip notes that Jay has once again been the absolute worst, a true villain, a dastardly scheming bastard. She hadn't put on a pot of coffee today, he had to do it himself. Oh the horrors.
"Ya know Jay, you truly can be the worst, a true Villain. Not even making me coffee after I've slaved away to make this house a home." Chip hollard towards the living room, which could only be seen from the doorway to the kitchen, where Chip is decidedly not.
The sounds of movement was all Chip needed to confirm that Jay was there, and IGNORING HIM! How dare, truly the worst.
Searching for a food to pair with his coffee, Chip doesn't stop talking, "I don't think I told you about that guy from the other day, the one I went home with that was wearing the funky shade of green shirt, he shall be hence forth referred to exclusively as 'Pickle Lay Guy'. So! We get back to his place, end up in the bedroom, and he says he has to go grab something real quick, and when he comes back he has a JAR OF PICKLES. Like, Whole Ass Pickles, not slices or quarters. And is like 'You fine with these?' and, in typical Chibo fashion, I'm down to try anything once. And let's just say, Pickle Lay Guy is definitely on the 'Weird never to do again Lays' list, like higher than the Peanut butter guy, but also lower than the time there was a pool noodle-"
Chip's jaw snaps shut with an audible click as he finally made his way to the Living room, and was met with a person that was Definitely-Not-Jay.
And Jay, never one to miss any moment where Chip embarrasses himself, walks in the front door. "Sorry about that Gil, had to return the thing to the neighbor- Hey Chip, Have you met Gil? He moved in a few doors down not too long ago."
At this, the wheels in Chip's head finally started to turn, and his shock was slowly turning into a dawning horror.
The man, now named Gil, Standing in his living room was HOT, and he'd been the one in here, not Jay, when he was- oh Seas. Oh no.
Now, there are many ways to go about this, he could simply go back to bed, he could explain to the hot guy in his living room that Chip had thought him Jay and PLEASE FORGET ALL OF IT, or, the one that Chips decides to do, he BOOKS IT to the closest exit.
However since Jay was in the doorway, he'd have to explain why he suddenly had to leave, he went with the next best option. The open window in the kitchen. Opened probably by Jay because she (grossly) liked fresh air.
And so, Chip sprints to the window of his and Jay's Second Story Apartment. Landing with a roll, Chip can hear Jay shouting after him as he sprints off towards work. Thankfully he has a set of work clothes stashed there in his office.
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It was only after the evening rush had slowed down that Chip had a break to even, involuntarily, think about the events that had transpired.
And of course, Jay knew exactly when the rush was over, because she showed up not 10 minutes after the last of it had left the doors.
Chip diligently, in a way that his therapist would be disappointed in him by, ignores her entire existence, even when she makes her way around the back counter.
When he does spare her a glance, even if just the briefest, she's standing there entirely unimpressed. "Are you going to explain what that was earlier?"
Chip grunts, "Don't wanna."
That earns him a good hard kick to the legs. "OW! Jay you know those are steel toed!"
This earned Jay a glare, one she leveled with her own.
Chip threw his hands in the air. "FINE"
So he did. He explained in detail what happened, because if he didn't add every detail, Jay would just keep poking and prodding. And by the end, Chip was rather displeased, but not surprised, by Jay's hystatic laughing.
"Holy SHIT. You can never make fun of my spilling drinks on myself when I was crushing on my girlfriend EVER again! This is AMAZING"
Scandalized, Chip crossed his arms and clapped back, "I jumped out of a window and was uninjured, you actively and consistently spilled hot liquids on yourself. REFUSING to put lids on them because you were, and I quote, 'Not spilling anything on yourself, shut up Chip it has nothing to do with that pretty girl,' "
This earned him another swift kick to the leg, "MotherFUCKER"
It was at this moment that another customer walked in, which allowed Chip to shoo off Jay without much resistance from her. New regular, pretty hot Water Genasi, got a couple coffees to go. Should probably ask his name next time, could be a fun time, Chip notes to himself
However that could only last too long. And so Jay once again approached the counter, but remained on the customer side this time. "So! Whats the plan with Gil?"
Chip turned and gave Jay a blank look, it took him a moment to realize she was talking about the hot fish guy from earlier. "Avoid him like the plague and never have another conversation. Ever."
Jay groaned, dropping her head into her hands. "It wasn't *that* bad."
Putting down the device he was cleaning, Chip looked Jay straight in the eyes. "Jay, the first impression this guy has of me, is walking out of me talking about a guy I had sex with talking about how pickles came into it. I also, WAS ONLY IN SWEATPANTS! I was a hot mess, and not the good kind."
Jay shrugs, "Whatever, but don't expect me not to laugh when avoiding him doesn't go well."
"What do you meeeeannn, I'm so sneaky, the sneakiest guy around, you'll never meet anyone sneakier-"
"Chip, you actively and consistently trip over your own feet ending up in the floor everyother day AT LEAST."
"To be fair! That's like right after I wake up!"
Jay waves him off, "Fine, whatever. So like, with Pickle Lay Guy, did you just eat the pickel or did he fu-"
"OUT! GET OUT! YOU ARE BANNED!"