Archive of Our Own

Something is wrong.

Something isn't.. right.

Something is not supposed to be here.

I can feel it, but I cannot locate where or what it is. All I have is this feeling.

I look at the others. I know they are able to feel it, too.

That unsettling feeling. That metaphorical, gaping hole in ones chest that seems to grow every second they spent thinking of it.

And yet, they cannot do anything about it. And that makes it all the more worse.

Nobody knows if this is dangerous.

Nobody knows if this will bring harm to this world.

Nobody knows how it came to be, or when it came to be.

Nobody knows why it is here, or what it is here for.

Nobody knows who it is, or where it is coming from.

But everybody knows that it exists. Everybody knows that it is there.

...He is here. He is here, sleeping. We do not know who is outside, so we cannot send him back.

We do not know if sending him back will change anything.

But we do not know if keeping him here will put him in danger.

It is forming, changing. When it is here, something will happen. Something bad.

..We do not know how to fix this.

All we can do is hope. Hope that it disappears, and that everybody will stay safe.

Especially him.

I look over to the girl beside me.

"..You feel it too, right?" She whispers, looking back at me. She clutches a hand to her chest, a worried expression etched onto her face.

"Mhmm," I nod back. "I dunno what it is.. but we gotta do everything we can to keep him safe..!"

I say that, and yet, I know we cannot do anything. The girl's eyes flicker downwards; I know she knows it, too.

There is nothing we can do.

From the start, all we could have done were give hints. Hints and advice to help the others. We cannot stop these things from happening. We cannot change the story. All we can do is help as fate pulls her strings, guiding those who need it to where they need to be.

I don't think we can change this.

I don't think we can stop this.

..I'm sorry, Tsukasa-kun.

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

"Tsukasa?"

..

..

..

"Tsukasa..."

..

..

..

"Hey, Tsukasa, get up!"

..

..

..

"Tsukasaaaaa-!"

..

..

..

..My eyes flutter open.

Yawning, I slowly sit up, stretching my arms as I look around, blinking.

I'm in the SEKAI, I notice, as I take in my surroundings. I'm inside one of the tents- the plushie tent, actually. I don't remember being here at all, but a bunch of plushies, as well as Miku and Rin, are all hovering over me as I sit on the pillow fort that I assume I was brought to while sleeping. Last thing I remember, I went to SEKAI to practice acting for a bit before Rui, Emu, and Nene came over to my house for that sleepover- and I think it was.. Luka or MEIKO? One of them, they told me to take a break so I did. That was probably when I fell asleep, then.

"Good morning, sleepy head~!" Rin sings, holding her hand out to help me stand up. Smiling, I take her hand, while using my other to rub the sleep away from my eyes. "Did you have a good nap?"

As I nod, Miku claps her hands together. "MEIKO told us to guard you!" She exclaims, "Tsukasa-kun was going all hooonnnkkk shoooooo, hoooonnnkkk shooooooooo suupppeerrr loudly while he slept, but all the plushies were sleeping, too!"

"Wha-" My eyes widen, and I feel my face heat up. There was no way I was snoring THAT loudly..

..Well, actually, maybe, but that isn't the point!

I look down, noticing some of the plushies surrounding the area. Some of them are still asleep, while others are awake and playing with one another quietly, playing patty cake and whatnot.

I stay silent for a moment, frowning. "How long did I sleep for?" I ask, looking at Rin and Miku.

"Uhh,"

Miku and Rin both look at each other, taking their time to think before Rin replies. "A loonngg time but not long long! Like, an hour long long? Maybe two?"

"That's not answering my question properly!!" I argue, huffing. I feel my pockets for my phone, patting them down and rummaging inside until I find it. I take it out, turning it on and looking at the time.

..

..

..

"WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT????????!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I gasp, screaming. "CRAP!!"

Miku and Rin glance at each other again, before looking back at me, confused. "What's wrong, Tsukasa-kun?"

"I invited the rest of Wonderlands x Showtime to my house for a sleepover-" I ranted, spinning around in circles as I frustratedly gripped at my hair. "How could I let myself sleep that long?! Arghhh, you two should've woken me up sooner..!!"

"Huh?!"

Quickly, I scramble to pause Untitled, waving and calling out a quick goodbye at Miku and Rin before I transport myself back to the real world. As my vision goes white, I see the two VIRTUAL SINGERs staring at each other, worried looks on their faces.

Why do they look so distressed-?

But by the time I notice, my eyes are blinded by the light, and I squeeze them shut as a shower of triangular particles encircle me. When I open my eyes again, blinking to adjust myself once more to my surroundings, I'm back in my room, my script laying on the floor.

I wonder what was up with the looks on their faces. If someone is bothering them, then they should be able to tell me!

But.. I suppose it's too late for that now. And looking around- it seems like the troupe isn't here yet. Good!

I leave my phone on my desk, face up, and I rush downstairs to the kitchen. I can hear Saki humming- she's cooking dinner when I enter the room.

"Hello, dear sister!" I declare, sliding into the kitchen with my cool slippery socks and a magnificent pose, if I do say so myself (and I say so!).

Saki looks over at me, smiling and waving happily. "Where were you, Onii-chan?!" She asked, her smile shifting into a playful, stern pout. "I've been the one doing all the work!"

"WAAH!! I'M SORRY, SAKIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Saki laughs, gesturing for me to come closer. "Come on and help me now, then!"

And of course, like the good big brother and amazing chef I am, I nod enthusiastically. "Alright, then! Together, us Tenma's shall whip up the best dinner ever to be eaten in the history of dinners!"

Saki cheers happily, nodding in agreement. "Yeah! Let's go, big bro~!"

————

When Rui, Emu, and Nene ring the doorbell (read: Emu repeatedly rings the doorbell over and over again until she gets some sort of reply or someone stops her), Saki is the one who runs to the door while I finish the rest of the food. Thankfully, there's still much more time to spend hanging out with the troupe before we eat- and I look into one of the pots, smirking to myself at the sight.

Vegetables. Many, many vegetables- which Rui cannot refuse, especially as a guest in someone's home! And even if he did anyway.. then that meant I would have to force them down his throat!

In.. a way that doesn't sound weird, of course!

Anyways-

After turning the stove off, I run over to the door, waving at all my friends who are entering. "Hello, my dear troupemates!" I announce loudly and proudly, "Welcome to my humble abode once more, this time for a special, exclusive Wonderlands x Showtime sleepover!!"

Emu cheers, running past everyone else. She almost barrels into me just like every other time we meet, but thankfully, I've gotten used to this to the point where I am able to block her just before she rams her body into mine, and soften the blow. "How many times have I told you to not run at me like that?!" I scold.

Rui chuckles, walking over to me and patting my head, with Nene following behind. Saki locks the door and heads up to her room silently, mouthing a quick, 'Have fun!' to me just before she leaves.

"Fufu, I'm sure Emu is just excited," Rui points out, "Are you?"

To this, Emu nods frantically, her eyes shining brightly and her bangs bobbing up and down. "Mhmm!! This is gonna be the most wonderhoy epic sleepover ever!" She exclaims. She lets go of me, spinning around excitedly. "We're gonna practice our new play and we're gonna bake a supperrr fwashfwashfwaa cake, and we'll do staring contests and we'll tell spoooky stories like bloody mary and we'll stay up past midnight-!!"

"NOOO, NONONONONO!"

I immediately shut that idea down- and by extension, most of the other ideas Emu suggested. "We are NOT staying up past midnight, and we are definitely not baking! Who decided that we would be doing all that, anyway?!" 

Emu giggles. "I did!"

And I groan in response. 

"Let's just go up to your room," Nene offers, huffing fondly. "We came here to practice, remember? We can do other stuff later,"

Now that's an idea I can agree with! Thank you, Nene, for saving me!

I nod in agreement, beginning to walk up to my room. "Exactly! We should be practicing, so let's go!"

The other three followed me as I carefully walked up the stairs to my room, looking down at each step I take. I've always hated the gaps between each step. There was no riser, it was just an empty space that you could easily trip on if not careful enough. I remember tripping on those steps many, many times before as a kid, and hurting myself by doing so. I have some permanent scars on my leg from those incidents- but let's be real. Who doesn't have at least one permanent scar or bruise or anything reminiscent of an old injury that never faded away on their leg?

For a moment, I think I spot something from the corner of my eye. But when I blink, it is gone, as if it was never there in the first place.

..Okay. Maybe I was just imagining things. I don't need to focus on that right now, anyway.

Nene sits herself down on my bed, Emu following and sitting down beside her. Rui takes a seat at my desk, so I sit down on the comfy, red (extremely out of place and unnecessary too but we are not going to mention that, thank you very much) chair by the railing.  

"Every time I enter your bedroom, I swear a bit of my soul chips away," Nene mutters to herself, sighing with an exasperated expression. "There's so many things you need to fix about this place."

I shake my head, huffing. "Well, I think my bedroom is perfectly fine! It is a bit messy, yes, but what else could possibly be wrong with it!?"

Raising an eyebrow, Nene begins pointing at various items and parts of my room.

"The placement of the bed, that weird ass chair that Rui is sitting on, the fucking rug that isn't even a rug, it's literally those foam mat puzzle things for a child, the weird ass chair you're sitting on, the fucking candle and table, the desk lamp on top of that bookshelf that even you can't reach without using your tippy toes, that one mismatched cupboard thing, how half of your wall is a window, how there is a hole in your roof-"

"It's a skylight-!" I point out, but Nene simply shoots me a massive side eye before continuing on.

"And most of all, how all of it is in a fucking loft, and how you have absolutely no privacy." Nene concludes, crossing her arms. "How do you explain that? ANY of that?"

"I- Well-" I stammer awkwardly, trying to find an excuse for my bedroom's horrifically poor setup. "I haven't changed it in a long time..!"

"Maybe you could start by giving yourself some privacy," Nene suggested, "At least get a curtain or something." 

I shake my head no. Sure, having some privacy would be nice, but-

"How am I gonna tell if anyone is home?"

Rui tilts his head to the side. "Why would you need to keep track of that? You can hear the door opening either way."

I cross my arms, "Well, I have to see them! It might not be as helpful as it was when I was younger, but I still like to see whoever enters the house."

"When you were younger?" Emu repeats, curious. I look at her, nodding.

"Yeah! It was so I could see when my parents come home from work or the hospital!" I explain. I think my tone sounded a bit too happy for something as concerning as that- and as I took around, I realize that everyone seems to think so, too.  

"Oh." Is all Nene says.

There's a moment of awkward silence. The house is quiet.

..

The entire house. Even Saki from the other side.

..Reminds me of when I was younger, I think to myself. The days when the house was full of silence, silence, silence, silence that I had to drown it all out by being as loud as I possibly could.

"A- anyway-"

Rui coughs, cutting through the silence. "We would probably be getting to practice now, should we..?"

Emu blinks, nodding rapidly. "Right, right..!" She exclaims, hopping off the bed. She reaches into her bag, pulling out her script. "We gotta make sure this show is extra wonderhoy!"

Slowly, the rest of us follow, everyone taking out our own copies of the script. Rui takes over, saying that we'll just be doing a couple of read- throughs today since we're not at the stage. Everyone else nods in agreement, following the orders of our dear director. Our story revolves around a young boy who ends up entering a strange spirit world, full of demons and parasites and ghosts that are trying to kill him and possess his body, and eventually take his place in the real world. But there's this one parasite, a kind parasite that helps the boy, helping him escape the world and go back home.

The ending is pretty bittersweet in my opinion. Eventually, the parasite and the boy have to part, of course- it's a sad, yet hopeful scene. But when the boy asks why the parasite decided to help him, its answer is simply: "I don't want to be here anymore. Essentially, it's killing two birds with one stone."

..It isn't stated outright, but it's implied that the parasite gets killed by the other inhabitants of the world after discovering that it let the boy escape. See, bittersweet. It's definitely more of a serious play compared to the ones we've done before, but our entire goal for this show in the first place was to make a more solemn one with more serious concepts, but still vague enough to be considered for all ages. Overall, I'm excited to try something new like this.

Of course, as the dashing, magnificent troupe leader, I play the one and only main character. Rui plays the parasite, while Emu and Nene take control of the other roles, along with some robots when needed. Nene plays the main villain, too- a big bad gang leader! I'm in the middle of designing her costume currently- then I'll move onto Rui's. I've already finished my costume, and Emu's.

For a while, we practice. At one point, Nene makes a joke, saying, "Imagine if this entire time, the parasite was tricking the kid and ends up possessing him," or something along those lines. Afterwards, Emu scolds Nene, talking about how she shouldn't make such scary joke about the main character as if he was real.

Strangely, something stirs inside me.

..I don't know what the feeling really is, to be honest. But there's this strange pressure in my chest now, as if something bad is going to happen.

What a silly feeling. What else could go wrong? It's not like this play is real, of course. Who would ever thing that?

I quickly shake the feeling off, and we continue practicing for a while until we decide to take a break. It's not quite dinner time yet, so we decide to get some snacks. I almost trip on the stairs as I go down, Rui following behind me. I know I have to be careful, now. After all, I cannot let Rui know about the secret candy stash hidden in the cupboards. The only person who knows about it is Nene- we conceived the idea together to keep track of Rui and Emu, and I even use it to bribe Saki sometimes. Calm down and you'll get a lollipop, if you promise not to throw me out of a cannon I promise to give you some free soda candy. Things like that.

I enter the kitchen and Rui follows, looking around. "Say, Tsukasa-kun," He begins, smirking. "I've always wondered where you got all that free candy from."

..

Well, shit. This isn't good.

I make the decision to play it off, laughing. "Well.. I just happen to have it on me, of course..!"

Rui raises an eyebrow. Of course he doesn't believe me, he's just smart like that, isn't he? "Really? Because I do recall the many times you've bribed Emu or I with candy in this house, you always managed to sneak into the kitchen.."

Ohh shit. This is not not not good. At all. Very not good. In fact, this is very bad.

"..."

I stare at Rui with a blank expression.

He notices this, and decides to stare back at me, just as emptily and full of tension.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...You're never going to find it."

"Is that a challenge, my dear star of the most magnificent Wonder Stage?"

I hum, smirking. "Perhaps it is, O great director of the esteemed Wonderlands x Showtime."

Rui looks around the kitchen. I know where the candy jar is; he does not.

"You have 2 minutes." I declare, crossing my arms as I take out a tray to put the snacks on. "If you can't find it by the time I finish.. then no snacks for you."

Rui gasps dramatically, as if he had just witnessed me committing a horrific crime like.. I dunno, breaking a mirror and using one of the shards to cut someone's face off-

Woah.

Where did that thought come from?! Why was it so gory, so.. specific?! What's wrong with you, Tenma Tsukasa?! Get your head in the game!

Wh.. whatever! Point is, Rui is being overly dramatic!

"How could you..?!" He cries, "How could you ever dare to propose such a cruel punishment for me?! Oh, Tsukasa-kun, you truly wound me.."

I roll my eyes, "We're going to eat dinner later anyway! It's not like you're gonna starve!" I argue back, "Now come on, I'm gonna start in three.."

"Oh-"

As I start counting down, Rui positions himself, glancing around at the multiple cupboards and shelves, eyeing them carefully as he decides which one to start with.

"Two.."

..Little does he know, I've pulled a few strings.

(No, standing in front of the cupboard where the candy jar is doesn't count as cheating. It's only an obstacle.

..Yeah.)

"One, andddd.. go!"

Both Rui and I reach for a shelf. Mentally, I count in my head how many seconds have passed- six, seven, eight, nine.. as I gather the snacks Nene and Emu asked for. If Rui doesn't find the candy jar, then no pocky for him. 

Pocky.

In my mind, a joke Saki playfully said to me once plays in my head: "Oh, of course you pick the gay snack."

..

How is pocky gay? Is it because of the pocky game? Or pocky day? Well, either way, Rui wants pocky. But if he doesn't find the candy jar, then no pocky.

Behind me, Rui is aggressively looking inside each and every shelf, container, cupboard- he even checks the oven, which.. is stupid because why would you hide a plastic jar filled with candy inside an oven. But hey, I guess you can't be too careful. 

I walk over to the fridge (hey see I'm moving around too so that's double not cheating), taking out the apple juice that Emu had suggested. Upstairs, I hear some thumping. It's probably Emu, ranting about whatever to Nene upstairs. I shake my head fondly, wondering what she was ranting so passionately about. Then again, she rants about everything passionately.

We've reached the minute mark. Rui still hasn't found it. Mwahaha. I'm such a genius.

..Well okay I kind of feel bad for banning Rui from eating snacks, so maybe I just won't get the pocky. Doesn't mean that I'm banning him from snacks entirely, yeah? He can just eat the other snacks. No pocky, though.

One minute, fifteen seconds.

"Clocks ticking, Rui~"

Rui doesn't reply to my taunt. Is he this focused on finding that jar? Wow. I suppose I can applaud him for his determination, then.

I reach over to the cupboard housing all the glasses and cups. Time's almost up, I should start hurrying, too.

But when I grab the cups and set them on the counter, I see something.

Something wedged inside one of the glasses, crawling around-

..

"Ah.."

..

A spider.

Inhaling sharply, I step back, instinctively grabbing onto Rui's shoulder for comfort.

Usually, I would have screamed, yelled, let out a blood curdling screech for all the neighborhood to hear, but this time, it's strange. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I can't say anything in this moment, and I don't know why. But my whole body freezes up, and I can't find the courage to move, or say anything.

Rui looks up at me. "Tsukasa-kun..?"

He stands up, patting my hand. "Is everything alright?"

..

I can't say anything.

I can't speak. I do not know why. I cannot understand why. 

I just can't.

Can't speak. Can't speak I can't speak Ȉ̶̯͇̯͕̮͋́̓̈́̏̔̕͘ͅ'̴̨̨̣͚̝̜̺̱̽̓̏͗͘͘m̶͉̬͆̃̿ ̸͎̟̮̗̬̈́̅́͑̌̔̊͠ͅṇ̶̞̭̪͓̂̂̎̔̒͑̒́͂ǫ̶̗͈̤̱̓t̵͚̼̦͇̦̲͍̼͆̏͗̊ ̷̞̳̗̙̼̬̘̕ȃ̴̡̫͚̣̺͓̬͂̋̎̎ḷ̷̥̖̖̥̜̹͈̘̓l̵̩̮̥̫̓̌͗̏͐͠o̶̧̡̧̟̦̊w̷̙͖̥̤͓̯͓̓̆̃͂̕͘͜͝ȩ̶̟͚̤̫̩͙͂͜ͅd̵̡͖̥͔̼͈͚̜̹̈̒̈ ̴̨̨̼͍͙̯͔͋͌͆͜ͅt̸̨̰̺͖̳̼͛̀͑̽̀̎̆̈́o̵͇̹͎͔͕̖̭̊̾̅͒̐̋̎̐̕͝-̴̧͉̘̰͉̪͋͐͗̏͝-

..Huh..?

..

There is no reason to any of it. I just can't, I can't get my body to move I can't get the words to form, it's like they're stuck in my throat and I can get it out.

There's a spider, I want to say. There is a spider, there, on the counter, and it's disgusting with it's hideous legs and eyes and it's creepy and crawly and it's going to kill me-

..Kill me?

Where- where did that come from..?

Rui taps my shoulder. "Tsukasa," He calls out once more, repeating my name. "Are you alright?"

I want to shake my head. I want to say no, I want to tell Rui that there is a spider, that it's gonna crawl out of the cup and then crawl on me and then into me and then there's gonna hundreds of spiders crawling around me and inside me-

..

Have I ever been this scared of a spider before?

It's- it's never come to this extent, I..

I just keep staring. I keep on looking at the counter, as if that is going to do anything about this, anything about the situation at hand. 

Rui follows my gaze, looking over to the cups.

I feel it. Rui's sleeve brushes against my arm as he walks to the counter, and it tickles-

And it feels like crawling. Like something is crawling on me. As if there is a spider, as if there is a spider crawling on my skin.

I let out a squeak, my arm jolting when Rui's sleeve touches it. I can move now, and I move my arm closer, scratching at the itching sensation.

Scary. It's scary, and I don't know why it is this scary. But it is horrifying, and I want it gone. I want to get away from it-

"Ah, I see."

I don't focus on Rui as he takes the cup into his hand. I don't focus on Rui when he moves to the sink, filling the cup with water and pretty much drowning the spider. I don't focus on Rui as he washes the cup, looking at the drain carefully to ensure that the spider has indeed been washed down into the deepest pits of the sewage system. 

I focus on Rui when he puts a hand on my shoulder, smiling lovingly.

"It's gone now." Is all that he says to me.

"It's gone now." Is all that it takes for me to wrap my arms around him, my legs feeling weak and wobbly underneath me. I lean against him, like I am about to fall over.

Rui returns the gesture, patting my head lovingly. I think he can tell how scared I am. I feel my hands trembling violently as I grip onto his shirt, my head leaned against his chest as he cradles me in his arms.

..

When we walk back upstairs, we decide not to bring up what happened. Emu jumps up to me, and begins to rant about something as she takes the tray off my hands. I'm not sure if she notices if anything is wrong, but she glances back at me with this look, with a feeling that I can't quite decipher. But she looks at me with that expression, and I think she knows something happened.

But she keeps on talking, as if to provide a distraction for me to focus on instead of what happened.

I appreciate it. Emu has always been that kind of person, able to see through whatever act anybody is putting up, even if everyone else is completely oblivious to it. She can tell when something is wrong, and is always quick to lighten up the mood in whatever way she can. 

..And although it may be her weakness sometimes, it truly is a unique strength as well. I admire that part of Emu. 

"..And I was saying to Nene that we should have a cool wonderhoy baking competition," Emu is saying, recounting her conversation with Nene to Rui and I now that we have all settled down on the mat ('Foam mat puzzle things for a child', as Nene once said at least an hour ago). "Like we'd see who bakes the coolest cake! And Saki can be the judge! It can be Nene-chan and I versus Tsukasa-kun and Rui-kun!"

A baking competition?

"Definitely not," I interrupt, shaking my head. "Like I said before, absolutely no baking!"

Emu pouts, "But whyyy?? It would be super fun!"

"NOT IF YOU OR RUI END UP BURNING THE HOUSE DOWN?!"

Nene snickers, "Does that mean you trust me in the kitchen?"

I look over to the diva, nodding with an exasperated expression. "Yes, Nene, you and I are the only trustable members in this troupe. Everyone knows that Rui can't cook, and Emu would probably throw the eggshells into the batter after the yolk."

"Ermm, nuh uh!!"

Emu shakes her head, smirking proudly. "I know how to cake a super duper cool cake with no eggshells! Airi-chan taught Saki-chan and I once during valentines day, remember?! In your house, too! Eggshells do not belong in cake!"

..Huh. Well, at least she knows that, I guess. But Rui, on the other hand.. he's still a lost cause for anything in the kitchen.

"Still a no."

"Aw man.."

Well now seeing Emu all pouty is making me feel bad!! Curse you, Tenma Tsukasa and your kindness!! 

"Maybe another day," I offer, sighing. "But not today."

And just like that, Emu is all smiles once more. Mission accomplished.

For rest of the time until dinner, we spend the time just chatting away casually, continuing to lay on the mat even after we finish our snacks. The tray is sitting on the circle table thing beside the candles. 

I stare up at the ceiling, staying quiet as Rui recounts a story of him and Nene trying to catch a butterfly in the park when they were kids. Somehow, I get the strange feeling that something is watching me, even after I check around. Nobody is looking at me.

..

So why do I feel like someone is watching me?

No, it's not just one thing. It's multiple, so many people.

They're all staring at me.

But they're not there. They aren't anywhere, but they're watching right now.

I can feel it. I know it.

Wow, I probably sound insane, don't I? Imagine feeling like someone is watching you even when nobody is, ahaha...

...

...

...

Wow.

...I think something is wrong.

I glance up at my desk for a moment. I know my phone is there, it's been laying there, untouched ever since I exited SEKAI.

...

I can't get this feeling in my chest to go away. 

Do I want to go there? No, I don't need to go to SEKAI right now..

But-

..God, I need to get my head straight. Just take a few deep breaths, and calm down.

Everything is fine. Everything is completely, 100% fine! 12,000% even, everything is 12,000% fine! Haha!!

A star like me shouldn't be so scared of nothing. Seriously, there's nothing to be scared of. Like, seriously seriously. There's seriously seriously seriously nothing to be scared of.

...

But I can still feel you staring.

(You? 

Where did that come from..

Who are.. you..?)

Dinner rolls around eventually. I manage to brush off the feeling, and get my head out of the gutter. Hopes to no weird thoughts or feelings or happenings for the rest of the night.

Somehow, I feel a bit lightheaded. I don't know why, but I just do. Maybe I'm hungry, that should be it. Or maybe I'm tired!

Still.. my body shivers as I look down at my arm. Goosebumps grow on my limbs, a telltale sign that I feel cold. And I do. It's cold.

Rui stares at me for a moment, but when I look up at him, he looks away. I'm sure he's wondering something. He's probably worried for me, actually. Honestly, of course he is.

I'm glad he does, but it makes things harder to hide sometimes. It can get really annoying. There's a lot that I'd rather keep to myself, things that I don't want to share, because why do they need to know-? But Rui's very existence in my life is a reminder that I'm not alone, that I don't have to keep everything inside to myself, that I don't have to play it all off as a joke because why would I still care about it? It's been years, it's just one minor inconvenience, I don't have to care about it anymore.

And yet, I still do. Even when I know I shouldn't, even when I know that I don't have to.

I look down, my plate stacked with the food that I unconsciously dumped on it when not paying attention. It seems like everyone else is already talking amongst one another, too- and Rui keeps looking at me. It kind of weirds me out.

Ha, imagine if he had no face. That would be even weirder, wouldn't it..?

For a moment, I try to imagine it, I try to think about what it would look like. I look up at everyone.

No face.
No face.
No face.
No face. 

Empty slabs of flesh, molded and stretched out to cover the holes and shapes that were once there. 

You can't tell what they look like. You can't tell what they think.
You can't tell anything about them. Because they have no face.

And you can't interpret anything.

Do they have thoughts? Do they have feelings? Are they even capable of that? Can they see, can they speak? Can they smell, can they feel?

..I look around at everyone. Their voices sound muffled, barely audible over the deafening ringing in my ears.

"Tsukasa?"

Saki's voice calls out to me. I barely hear it, let alone acknowledge it. 

Are they looking at me? I can't tell, I can't tell. What is going on? How did this happen again..? 

I look around again, my hands trembling as I keep them on my lap. I just need something, anything, anything at all to let me know what is going on, what is happening who is everyone speaking to who is everyone looking at-

"Hey, dude, get it together, what's up with you-?"

My gaze lands on Nene as she speaks, he voice alone somehow louder than all the buzzing and ringing and muffled voices and the dull, melodic rhythm in my ears hold on how did that get there what is that noise. She puts a hand on my shoulder.

A hand covered with eyes. 

A face covered in eyes.

An entire body covered in eyes.

She is covered in eyes, eyes, eyes. Eyes everywhere.

I can't look away. How can I? That's Nene, that is Nene, my friend, my troupemate, and- this is everyone in my troupe, my family, my sister and-

"TSUKASA!"

Someone shakes my shoulders frantically from behind. I blink, letting out a sharp gasp. 

"Eh-?"

It's Rui. His hands are on my shoulders- Nene's own has slinked back, and she stares at me with a look of concern and worry.

Everyone is. Emu, Saki, and Rui.

And they all have faces.

..What just happened?

"Tsukasa, are you alright?" Rui asks me. I turn to face him slowly, my eyes wide and shoulders quivering lightly under his soft, yet firm, grip.

I stay quiet for a moment, unsure of how to respond.

The humming is gone. So is the buzzing, the ringing and that melody wait what melody what am I talking about

..

"Y-yeah..!" I nod, gulping as I smile towards everyone. "I was just- zoning out a bit too much, thinking about.. things, but I promise I'm alright!"

"Are you sure..?"

From across the table, Saki frowns. She outstretches her hand, holding it out in front of me. "Give me your hand," She says, her expression confident and unwavering.

"Okay-?" Raising an eyebrow, I give Saki my hand, and she takes, it, squeezing my palm gently. 

"..You're shaking." Saki points out. "Big bro, are you feeling okay?"

Well- "Of course I am!"

Sure, Miku and Rin looked at me weird before I left SEKAI, and sure I thought about weird things like punching a mirror and cutting my face off and sure, I got more scared of a spider than ever before when I saw it in a glass and sure, I might have just hallucinated all my friends without faces and then Nene having eyes all over her body but I'm sure everything is fine! Maybe I'm just acting off because I didn't get enough sleep! So perhaps.. I just need to sleep.

Right..?

I can go to sleep a little bit earlier tonight, more earlier than the rest of the troupe. I'll be missing out, but at least I'll be feeling better the next day, right?

Right..!

"You don't seem like you're alright.." Emu mumbles, pouting. "Tsukasa-kun is all mumumumumu, and earlier when he came back with Rui, he looked really- reallyyy.."

"On edge? Paranoid?" Nene supplies. Emu nods, "Yeah, that!"

Immediately, I shake my head, denying Nene and Emu. "No- everything is fine, I swear..!"

"Are you still wary about the spider?" Rui asks me, "It's alright, you know."

Once again, I shake my head. It isn't that, it isn't. But if I tell them, then surely, I'll sound insane! How would they believe all that, it's absurd!

"What spider?" Asks Emu. "Is that why Tsukasa-kun is all weird now?"

Rui nods, "Uh, yeah- while getting the drinks, Tsukasa spotted a spider in one of the cups."

Emu gasps, reaching over to me and patting my head since she couldn't hug me. "Aww, poor Tsukasa-kun!!"

I shake my head again, leaning back from Emu's hand. "No- no! That isn't it!" I exclaim, "Look, I'm fine, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Nene points to my plate. "At least eat some food."

I nod, looking down. "Right, yeah."

I haven't even touched it yet. But strangely, I don't feel that hungry. In fact, the mere thought of food sliding down my throat makes me feel like I want to puke right now. I don't know why.

Maybe I ate too much snacks? Or I'm just not hungry right now. But I already piled all of this onto my plate, I can't just not eat it. That would be rude- and I was the one who cooked this food in the first place with Saki! So that makes it double double rude rude!

Taking a deep breath, I will myself to eat, albeit slowly and in small bites. From the corner of my eye, I see Nene nod, and she sighs in relief.

This is supposed to be fun. 

We organized this sleepover for fun, to have fun and hang out with one another. But look at what's happened now.

I have worried everyone.

They're all quiet, nobody is talking anymore. Nobody says anything, they just eat in silence, it's silent. It's so silent, silent, silent to the point where you can even hear a pin drop. Like the days where I was alone. I cannot close my eyes because if I do, I think back to those days.

It's tense, too. The room is tense, so tense. You can feel the tension in the air you can feel it, it's so thick, thick enough to slice through with a knife. It's awkward, it's kind of scary how everyone glances at each other and yet, nobody speaks a word. 

And I am the one who caused it. I am the one who crested this tension, I am the one who caused it, all because I cannot control my thoughts or some silly fears.

It isn't fair to everyone else. I shouldn't have done all that, now everybody is worried about me.

They shouldn't be worried, they shouldn't be. It isn't fair.

...

So quiet.

It's so quiet. I wish there was some noise, any noise, coming from anywhere. 

The Wonderland SEKAI has noise. It always has noise, whether quiet or loud, it has noise. 

The cheers of the plushies, the singing of the flowers, the music from the speakers, anything. I would give anything to hear that noise, I would give anything to have any sort of stimulation right now that isn't the clinking and clacking of the plates and cutlery against one another. I hate this, I hate the quiet, I hate it so damn much.

Or maybe I should just learn to get used to the quiet again.

...

No, I don't want that again. 

I don't want this place to be quiet anymore, there's a reason that I fall asleep with headphones plugged into my ears. There's a reason that I hug that Pegasus plushie close to my chest, constantly pressing the buttons to hear Rui, or Emu, or Nene's voice all talk to me through the speaker, just to hear their voices, just to pretend that I'm not alone in my bedroom. There is a reason I go to SEKAI in the middle of the night, just to hear some sounds as I fall asleep. 

I want to go to SEKAI, I realize. I want to go to SEKAI. I need noise, I need anything anything anything anything anything- 

But suddenly-

..There's a noise.

There's a noise.

There is something, suddenly. I hear something. Amidst all the quiet, amidst all the silence, the loud, deafening silence, I hear something.

I can hear something. I hear it, I hear it flooding into my ears but what is it-?

Music.

It is a song, a melody, I have never heard it before and yet-

This song, it's..

I do not know why, but.. in the distance, from somewhere I cannot discern, a song starts playing.

A gentle hum, a loving lullaby. The tune is soft and warm, like a fuzzy blanket wrapping itself around my body and my head. It's enticing, it's an enchanting song and for some reason, I want more of it.

I want more, more, more..

Where is it coming from..? That song, this song, what is it? Why does it feel so familiar, why does it sound so tantalizing, so alluring and-

I need it.

Suddenly, I find myself wanting. Needing. Begging. Begging for more, more, more, more of the noise, more of that song, that song that song that song that..

I need it. 

I look around, my vision blurry at the edges, my heart pound, pound, pounding in my ears as I search, as I look as I seek for the source. The source of that song, that song that song that song I want it I need it I need it I need it-

Someone is speaking. Somebody calls out my name, but I do not listen. I cannot listen, I need to find that song, where is it coming from? Where is it? I need to get closer, I have to get closer I have to hear it, hear it more I need to listen to it please.

Behind me.

I look behind me, my eyes wide and desperate. 

There is something there.

There, there, there, I know it.

I know where it is now.

Where the song is coming from; I know where it is.

It is from my bedroom. My room, upstairs in the loft, it is there. That is the song, that is where it is coming from.

I need more of it. It makes me feel light-headed, it makes me feel all dizzy and it makes my head spin, it makes my brain fog up and my body feel heavy and lethargic and my mind feel all fuzzy and airy as if I am not here, as if nothing is real.

As if nothing is real.

Nothing.. is real..?

Haha. What a thought, imagine if nothing was real. What if this was all a dream, what if I woke up and everything was just a dream?

This was just a dream.. what a funny thought.

Imagine that.

None of this is real.

None of this is real, it is not.

Saki is not real.
Rui is not real.
Nene is not real.
Emu is not real.

I am not real.

This is not real.

If this is not real, then what is? What is real?

Is this song, this melody this lullaby real?

Do I need to go back to the real world?

The real world, the real world where everything is normal, everything is fine and perfect.

I look around at everyone.

They are not real.
They are not real.
They are not real.

Their faces are distorted, blurry, their limbs warped and contorted, disfigured and mangled. Corpses, soulless corpses that have been twisted and deformed beyond repair.

Come follow us, Something whispers to me amidst the silent, crooked stares of the eyes, the faces that do not exist.

Come back to us.
Wake up.
This is all just a dream, remember?

Yes.

Yes, this is just a dream. Surely it is.

It is all just a dream, I need to wake up. I need to return, return to the place where everything is real and normal, where nobody has crooked, deformed faces and where everything is perfect, perfect, perfect.

Return to where everything is real.
Return to that song. That song, that song, that song.

That is where everything is real. That is where I must go.

I must.

Slowly, I stand up. My body is heavy, I can barely will my legs to move underneath me.

But they have to. They have to, I must move, I have to get there, I need to.

My chair falls to the ground as I push myself up; a loud thud that echoes through the house. 

A muddled voice calls out to me. I cannot hear it properly, it does not exist.

Nothing exists. Nothing ever exists.

They call out, begging, pleading for me to stay, to stop, but I know better now.

I know that I cannot.

I cannot go back to them.

They are not real. Not real, not real, not real.

I need to be real. 

I need to be normal, to be perfect, like that song, like the people, the voices beckoning me to follow them. Not the others, not the ones with the melting faces and fake, fake, fake bodies.

I stumble through the living room, holding onto the railing as my wobbly legs walk up the stairs, step after step after step
step
step.

It's a cycle. A cycle, a process, all to return to where I need to be.

Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.
That is all I need to do.

Every step I take, the music grows louder, the melody ringing through my ears as I step further and further.

Every step I take, I hear more voices calling out, from both sides, heaven and hell and life and death and reality and fantasy and truth and lies and nothing, nothing nothing, nothing in between; The voices behind me, telling me to come back, where are you going hold on Tsukasa what's wrong, and the voices in my head.

Telling me to follow, follow, follow, you know what to do. Come back. Wake up.

The voices that I want to follow. The ones that are real, real, real they must be, they have to be if that is what they are telling me. If that is what the song wants me to do.

How could I not follow it? 

How could I not, when it has such a nice melody? It feels so warm, so pleasant and affectionate..

I want it. I need it, I need it so bad. 

They are calling after me. They are calling after me, begging me to return to them. But I will not.

I need to listen. I need to wake up.

I almost trip when I reach the top of the stairs. A hand grabs me, but I manage to pull away.

I cannot let them stop me. I need to get there, I need to.

I stagger across the floor, towards my desk.

It's here. It is here, this is where the melody is coming from. It's so loud, loud, loud, it drowns out any other sounds and noises and feelings and thoughts within me. All I can think of is this song, this song and how I want more of it, I want it, it is they key, the key to waking up, to being real and getting out of this fake world with fake people and fake fake fake fake-

I stop in front of my desk, staring down at my phone.

It is all I can see. I do not notice anything else.

"The song.." I mumble under my breath, "The.."

My voice is low as I breathe out the words, slurred and sluggish and barely audible.

I feel a smile creep onto my face.

This is it.

I cannot see anything but the phone. I cannot hear anything but that melody. I cannot feel anything but my trembling hand as I reach out, I reach out towards that phone.

I have to.
I have to, I have to.

I think I say it out loud too. My mouth feels so detached, everything feels so detached, as if none of it was ever real.

And it isn't.
It isn't.

My hand grabs the phone, and at that very moment, in that very second, immediately, everything stops.

Stop.
Stop.
Stops.

My body feels rigid, stiff. But my feet are unbalanced, wobbly, and my mind is hit with a wave of drowsiness and fatigue.

Haha.

Is this waking up?

Surely, it is.

I have done it.

I have done it, I think to myself, as my body sways and falls to the floor with a thud.

I do not move after that. I do not remember anything after that.
My eyes close, and everything goes black. But as my mind drifts into unconsciousness, I think I hear a voice.

"TSUKASA-?!"

"What just happened..?!"

"Tsukasa?! Tsukasa, wake up!"

"Shit, what do we do?! Do we call a hospital?!"

"Why did big bro just pass out like that..?"

Amidst the panic and the chaos, something appears on the blond's phone.

A hologram.

Of Hatsune Miku.

"Please," She begs,  her face distraught and body shaking. "W- we don't know what happened, but there's something bad, you need to help Tsukasa-kun get out-!"

Her holographic body glitches as she continues, her tail twitching. "There's something in SEKAI," She says, "And it's bad but it wasn't- THERE THERE, so nobody could do anything about it and now it's hurt Tsukasa-kun..!"

Everyone stares in shock at the tiny figure. Saki's jaw is dropped, her mouth spread wide open into an 'O' shape. The Miku looks towards Saki, her eyes widening for a split moment before shaking her head.

"Something in SEKAI," Rui mutters to himself. "Like a glitch of some sort?"

"Mmmmaaybe?" Miku replies, unsure. "Probably- uwah-!!"

Her body glitches again, this time more violently. It's hurting her. "M-Miku can't stay for longer-" She mutters, "I hafta go-!"

"Wait!"

Emu cries out, stopping Miku. "What do we do?! How do we wake up Tsukasa-kun?!"

Miku gulps.

"I dunno-"

"WHAT?!"

"You can't just give us that! Is there a hint, anything that we can do?!" Nene argues.

Miku stammers, her body glitching in and out as she speaks, causing her voice to distort and crackle. "I-if it has something to do with SEKAI, you- you all can do anything-! You need to make Tsukasa wake himself up, he's the one you need to talk to!" She cries.

The teenagers look at one another.

"Wake.. himself up?"

"Talk to him!" Miku suggests desperately, "Find a way to communicate, see what he sees!"

Rui is deep in thought as Miku speaks. He nods, a stern look on hiss face. "Alright. Thank you, Miku." He says, holding Tsukasa's body. Emu holds the hand on the limp boy, hugging it closely and squeezing it lightly.

Miku nods, and before she can say anything, she disappears off of the boys phone.

Everything is silent. Everyone is silent as they all stare at one another.

Saki is still in awe and shock. And fear.

The first one to speak up is Rui, bringing Tsukasa's limp figure closer to him, in more of a cradling position.

"Well, you all heard her." Rui says, looking around. "We have to help Tsukasa."

Everyone nods in agreement- and then Saki speaks up.

"You guys gotta explain to me how and when you got your SEKAI, though."

"Ri- wait, you have one TOO?!"

I'm glad.

My hands are shaking a little bit, but I don't worry about them.

My phone is in my hand. On the screen, a contact is displayed: Rui's contact.

He is the one who tells me these things the most. He is the one who urges me to speak up the most, he is the one who wishes to help me.

Everyone does.

Of course they all do.

Taking a deep breath, I tap the call button, bringing the phone up to my ear. My leg bobs up and down as I wait awkwardly for Rui to answer.

Eventually, he does. I sigh a breath of relief.

"What do you need, Tsukasa-kun?" He asks me. His voice is loud and clear; I have to lower the volume down so it does not hurt my ears.

"Can we talk?" I ask. It's a simple question, a simple plead.

"Go ahead," Is the simple reply that I receive.

I can talk.

I can talk to him. I will talk to him.

So, I inhale sharply,

And I start to talk.