Work Text:
The day is almost unreasonably warm for beginning of May, forcing Theo to leave the doors and windows to the shop wide open in vain attempt at luring some fresh air inside. The buzz from the street envelops the workshop as well and so Theo doesn't notice his wife entering until she calls out his name. He pushes the last letter into the matrices and turns to greet Eloise with a wide smile on his lips. The fact he can do so without fear, right here in the open, fills him with a giddy kind of happiness. However, teasing words about her not being able to stay away from him even on her day off die on his tongue when he notices she's not alone.
“That's a baby.” He sputters out at the sight of a squirming, drooling and blubbering miniature human being in Eloise's arms. Cautiously, he comes closer as Eloise rolls her eyes at him.
“Well spotted my love.” She looks bad at ease with such a cargo, bouncing the child up and down with maybe more force than necessary. Thankfully, the little one doesn't seem to mind. Now, Theo is well aware that there is several children of this age (about a year if he had to guess) in their immediate families, but hard as he tries, he does not recognize this one.
“Where did you get him?” He finally asks.
“It's her.” Eloise points out instead of answering. Theo gives the baby another look. He will just have to take Eloise's word for it, because he genuinely cannot tell the difference.
“Sorry.” He offers. Eloise shrugs and continues with the bouncing, responding on the little girl's behalf:
“That's fine. I don't think she understands anyway.” Brief moment of silence follows before Theo circles back to his original question:
“Why do you have a baby on you?”
“She was given to me.”
“What?!” With a long-suffering sigh, Eloise starts to explain, naming her friend from work at the administrative department of the London hospital as the main culprit behind the situation:
“Maria Hutcherson went into labour just now when we went to the market… she basically told me I either have to help her with that or this.” Bouncing the baby a bit more to accentuate her point, she then adds:
“This seemed less traumatic.” Theo nods – now it all makes a perfect sense. Stepping the rest of the way to Eloise, he leans over the girl in her arms to press a kiss to Eloise's cheek. Then he looks down to greet their guest as well. Sticking a finger under the chubby chin, he tickles the baby (also named Maria as Eloise soon discloses), his voice automatically slipping into a softer register.
“Hello.” Little Maria gurgles happily and involuntarily, Theo feels his mouth stretch into a smile again. It falls down immediately when his nose finally catches the whiff of unpleasant odour that is unmistakeably coming from this ball of loveliness.
“What's that smell?” It's fairly unnecessary question and Eloise rewards it with another eye-roll.
“It started about half an hour ago.” Then she's suddenly pushing the baby into her husband's arms, stepping away as soon as she sees him get a firm grip. Panic raises in Theo's voice.
“Why are you giving her to me?”
“I don't know what to do with it!” A vague gesture to the area the smell is coming from. Theo tries to protest, but it's useless.
“I don't either!”
“You have nephews and nieces, you saw this kind of mess before.”
“So did you.”
“Not really, actually. My siblings have people to wipe out stinky butts. I ever only held a freshly prepared babies in my arms.”
“What does freshly prepared even mean?”
“Not smelly.” Maria coos again, apparently not stressed at all by the fact that the two adults in her presence are obviously terrified of her. Eloise and Theo exchange another look.
“I always kind of… left a room when Dora's kids started to stink.” Theo admits, alluding to his sister's progeny. Eloise nods in understanding – she would do the same. Gathering courage, she steps back to Theo. She is in no hurry to take the baby back into her arms (in fact, she clasps her hands behind her back to avoid giving Theo even the idea), but at least tries to offer some help in finding a solution.
“Well, we can't leave her sitting in that.” She nods towards the child's stinky bottom. The moment the words leave her mouth she seems to reconsider them. “Can we?”
“I don't know. She doesn't look like she minds.” Taking a page from Eloise's book, Theo starts to bounce the baby up and down. Somehow, the movement makes the smell even more prominent. They both scrunch their faces and Eloise once again takes a step back.
“Well, I do mind. Do something about it, please.” She looks so miserable that Theo can only agree to undertake this quest.
“Alright. Right. But what?” He heads to the big working table in the middle of the room, finding a free space there and carefully lays Maria on the desk. Keeping a hand on her chest to prevent her from rolling over, he turns to Eloise, eyeing her expectantly, hoping she provides some insight, even if she won't be the one doing any actual work.
Eloise steps to him and they both look down at the baby. Then, as is their habit, start to plot together, coming up with at least a semblance of plan:
“Water. We need water, yes? To clean it up?”
“Yes. And some cloth to wrap her back… so she doesn't leak.”
“Oh, Maria gave me those before her mother took her home. Here.” Eloise reaches into the canvas tote bag slung over her shoulder and takes out a square of white soft linen. Theo grins.
“Alright! Now we're talking.” Encouraged by his determined demeanour, Eloise smiles too and starts to roll up her sleeves, both metaphorically and literally.
“Lets do this.”
Next half an hour is filled with plain chaos as the two try to clean the child without making an even bigger mess of things. They are not entirely successful in that, water that Eloise brings from the pump in the square getting sloshed everywhere by its intended recipient, baby Maria managing to knock the basin down off the table the second the cold water touches her skin. Next attempt is somehow more successful, but both Theo and Eloise still end up drenched. At least none of the nappy's contents ends up on them, Theo carefully carrying the whole thing outside like a time-bomb.
Now they struggle to wrap the child back into the fresh linen.
“It's going to fall off.” Eloise worries as they try to make the cloth stay in position. Theo tries to reassure her.
“No it won't.”
“It already does.”
“Put another pin in.” He grabs another safety pin and hands it to Eloise. She takes it, hands shaking slightly.
“I'm so afraid I'll stab her.” She murmurs as she attempts to push it through the fabric. Theo holds Maria's legs in place so Eloise could have better access, encouraging her steadily.
“You are doing a great job.” Throaty growl sounds from her as she concentrates on her task, eyes not moving from her hands busy at work:
“You better not be mocking me.”
“When have I ever mocked you?” Finally, the pin slips into place and Eloise looks up at Theo, giving him a scorching glare. He has enough sense to not try and argue. Soothing his wife with another kiss, he then turns to the baby, picking her up, holding her at arms length in front of them, declaring victoriously:
“Look, all done! Perfect.” The moment of triumph lasts exactly as long as he speaks. The second he finishes, the nappy they so painstakingly secured around the baby's bum slides right off, leaving the girl naked again from the waist down. Both adults sigh in complete unison, resigned.
“You know, it's kind of warm today anyway, why don't we just let her hang around bare-bottomed?” Suggests Eloise, sounding like she is at the edge of crying. Not really fancying to go through all this hassle again, Theo readily agrees.
“Good idea. I mean, it's… healthy, right? To aerate the skin.” He brings the baby closer, settling her on his hip. Now that there is no offensive smell coming from her, he seems much more at ease in holding her, swaying her gently back and forth, indulgent smile spreading on his lips as the wispy hair on Maria's head tickle his nose.
“Sure. Lets go with that.” Agrees Eloise, but then she is stepping closer, reaching out to gently stroke baby's rosy cheek. Smiling too, her eyes rise up to Theo's. Over the baby's head, their lips meet in a soft kiss. Suddenly, with the knowledge that they can count on one another, this entire situation doesn't seem so frightening any more. Well, not as much as at the beginning.
“Taking care of babies is really hard.” Theo mutters anyway and Eloise can only nod in agreement.
“We need some books.” She leans in again, this time to kiss the little girl, getting a toothless grin in return.
“Yes we do.” Theo concurs and then bounces the girl a bit, yelping in pain as she grabs a fistful of his hair and yanks at them without mercy in retaliation.
That is how Mr. Harris finds them later – a picture of pure domestic bliss if not for the mess everywhere around them.
“What in the god's name is going on here?” The older printer thunders, taking in the water puddles still on the floor, work table in disarray as Theo and Eloise tried to shove the things aside in order to keep them from the Maria's reach.
“Nothing. We have it under control.” Eloise tries to defend, but it is more than clear Theo's boss is not buying her nonchalant tone in the slightest. One more look around the room and then at the half-naked child now in Eloise's arms (encouraged by how at ease Theo looked with her, she wanted to try again – with significantly less success than her husband, but somehow better than at the start of this adventure).
“Do you, now?” Mr. Harris drawls dubiously. He doesn't wait for either of the Sharpes to try and convince him and stomps towards Eloise:
“For heaven's sake, give that child to me.” Obediently, Eloise hands the girl over. Mr. Harris walks to the table and there he proceeds to swaddle the baby into the discarded nappy with enviable dexterity and proficiency.
“What lunatic has given you two a baby to watch over?” He asks, not really expecting an answer. Rightfully. He doesn't get any. Finishing up, he picks up the baby again, blowing a raspberry against her cheek before giving her back to Eloise.
“Here. Clean up this mess and give her back to her parents before you cause any more damage.” Not daring to protest, both Eloise and Theo respond in perfect synchronization:
“Yes sir.” Shaking his head over them, Mr. Harris finally cracks a smile of his own. He walks to his office at the back of the print shop, throwing one more quip comment over his shoulder as he goes:
“I hope to god you two are being careful not to end up with one of these yourself.”
The deafening silence following is an answer enough.