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Chapter Text

It was widely known among military personnel that Levi was more than just a Captain for the Scouts. To them, he held an unspoken title as the Commander’s right-hand man. With both sharing the same goal, Levi saw the vision in Erwin, while Erwin recognized his capability and saw his effectiveness at persuading people —albeit through his own unconventional methods.

Levi was never fazed by the unspoken rules that applied to everyone inside the walls. He was brutally honest, frighteningly determined, never backing down from his goals, dangerously uncaring about the means, and had nothing to hold him back. He was a sharp threat that no one wished to be on the receiving end of his ‘Work visits.’ It was better when he showed up with Erwin who preferred diplomatic approaches and soft language, but for Erdmann, it was unfortunately not the case.

The merchant sat in his comfortable office chair in one of his warehouses when one of his workers suddenly rushed to him, announcing that Captain Levi from the Scouts had been spotted approaching their way on horseback. His clear blue eyes widened in shock.

"Hide them." He ordered without hesitation, face paling as he jolted up to his feet. The chair behind him was left shaking, almost falling back to the floor.

"We don't have time, sir."

"Immediately!" Erdmann semi-yelled, staring deep into his subordinate's eyes who shrunk with the voice, sending a nod and turning to rush out.

Erdmann walked out of his office, gaze moving on the heaps spread around the spacious area. This warehouse was on the countryside of Wall Rose for a reason; no one dared to visit him here after having made a deal with the Garrison. It granted him utter secrecy to do his business. He was once a military man himself until he suffered an injury which eased his way to come to this point. He had many warehouses in many districts where he bought, sold and moved things within any wall of the three, but nothing brought him money like this particular one. He never expected to get a sudden visit to his safe haven.

Reaching outside, Erdmann found Levi already standing with his horse at the main entrance, being stalled by yet another worker. Once he got to his line of sight, Levi turned his full attention towards him.

"If it isn't humanity's strongest!" Cheered the merchant with a wide smile. "To what do we owe the pleasure of such a visit?"

"I wouldn't call it exactly pleasure, but I'd like to have a word with you if you have time. I went to find you in your other offices till I got led here." Levi countered the enthusiasm with a flat tone.

"Oh sure, I have all the time for our precious Scouts!" Exclaimed the man with fake excitement, keeping a mental note to find and punch whoever had led him to this place.

Levi pulled his horse's lead rope to step closer toward Erdmann. His nose wrinkled slightly, averse to the warm welcome. After all the harm this man had been causing them he dared call them precious. How he hated hypocrites!

Erdmann motioned to the worker who still stood next to their unexpected guest to take the horse from him so they could talk inside. Levi gave him a quick pat on the nose before he left him, turning towards the blond who guided the way. 

Following from behind him, Levi could barely see a thing past his huge build and wide shoulders. He was barely able to reach the height of Erdmann's chest. Neither his eyes nor his mind were on that, rather they wandered around the spacious area, seeing heaps of different sizes spread around and covered by big pieces of brown fabric, two particular wooden containers that were compatible with horse's carts to help with transportation, a few empty areas that had traces of greasy barrels' bottoms... 

The space looked filthy, something to expect of such working places. And while nothing showed a hint of what was kept underneath it, one of the particular wooden containers grabbed Levi's most attention after he had heard a light thud echo from it.

He only moved his eyes from there when they reached a staircase. Erdmann preceded him up, reaching a narrow path at the top that led to two rooms at the far back of the warehouse. All along the narrow way, long windows covered the wall to their left, slanting a generous amount of light to the inside. 

"Do you want something to drink?" Erdmann asked once they reached the first door. It coincided with the head of a tall, dark-haired man pocking out from there.

"No, thanks," Levi replied.

"Bring us two teas and some cold water." He said regardless. And without slowing down his steps he continued to the second door, swinging it open. "Please, have a seat." 

Levi stepped into the office. He rested on one of two chairs set on each side of a desk in the middle. Right after having closed the door, Erdmann joined him by sitting at his comfortable crown on the other side. By that time, his forehead was glistering with thick drops of sweat. Levi glanced at them quickly before his greys found the man's eyes, fixing a scrutinizing gaze at them. He found a warm expression, one that represented hospitality despite a hint of nervousness. Levi could see that he was faking it, although he had to give it to him that he looked so convincing he would've easily tricked a less trained eye.

"So, tell me." 

"I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm here because we suspect something, and I will be honest with you that we don't have anything yet to prove it. But that doesn't deny that it is true, because if you work it out by elimination, that thing would be the only possible explanation left."

Looking back at Levi who was staring into his soul, the blonde let out a slow breath. He nodded with interest, then expanded his chest with a deep inhale. "And what might that be?"

Erdmann had many ways of doing wrong to make money, only one of them touched the Scouts. He may play dump but he knew precisely what Levi was there for. And despite that he did a perfect job at covering up his tracks, nervousness spiked within him regardless. If the Scouts had caught up on his other misdeeds to use them as blackmail for lacking proof of what he did to them, it would be bad. If Levi caught what he kept in this warehouse, it would be worse, unfixable even.

"You're our go-to supplier for many merchandise, no one does it better than you within the walls. Yet somehow, giving you money is like pouring water on dry land. We've specialists who calculate the expected amount of supplies we'd need of anything, but it always falls short with you, Erdmann. Out of anything else we buy, it's always your goods that are ending before their expected time. You're not the only one in the wrong here, some of our people are to blame too for helping you pull this off. But it must be your idea to make them smuggle back some of the goods after inventory, because if they were to act for their own gain it wouldn't be only your stuff that is lacking. All that so you could make more money, to feed your fat belly, while we drain out of it to make up for the lack." Levi was flat, cold without trying, steady, and subtly frightening.

Erdmann was so careful he'd send the full amount of goods to them, before he got some pawns from the Scouts to smuggle a portion back to him after noting it as present in their reports. It washed him out of any responsibility, and made it hard for Erwin to pinpoint who was behind this from the Scouts when even if he'd done the count himself at first he'd get the right number.

Having no proof, Levi came here for an attempt. Sometimes, that alone would work, for Erdmann, he sensed that it wouldn't. Levi was eitherway unbothered, already setting his next goal to find the man's weakness and rub it to his face until he caves. With their next expedition at stake, the Survey Corps desperately needed that lost money, and he was not prepared to let this thief keep it because he lacked a proof. From spending the last hours in Trost looking for him, Levi was assured to have many ways to prove his corruption. He was preparing to tell him precisely that, to make the way shorter for both of them.

Erdmann laid back in his chair, escaping the grey-eyed gaze downwards.

"I'm quite disappointed that you'd think that of me. It isn't true. But if so you think, I will have nothing to do but pay you back for the difference you find lacking."

"Pay us back." Levi repeated, eyebrows raising slightly. This was not the turn of events he expected, he didn't even get to the part where he threatens him. It was a first that someone crumbled this early on without even a proof. It was too easy to be true especially for someone with Erdmann's reputation. 

"Look," The blonde sighed, raising his gaze again. "I'm on your side here. I've been one of the most prominent funders of the Scouts for years, so I don't quite see the logic behind you accusing me of that."

"Give a buck to get a hundred."

"-And so, what I am giving now is funding too, because I support you and your cause. I'm well aware of your shortages concerning the upcoming expedition. Had you come here to me to ask for funding I would've been more than happy to give it, but if you prefer this approach, guess it all leads to the same thing eventually, what you and I both want, you going on your expedition. So Levi, you can get your money. However, since the trust between us is broken, you should as well find a new merchant to get you goods. Tell that to your superior."

Levi stared at the man for a second in silence, trying to decode the look on his face. He knew that it read bullshit, but he knew that he also meant every word about giving them the money back. He pondered if the man was simply scared of them, or if he had a secret he wanted hidden and found giving the money back better than the digging he was about to threaten him with. Either way, it was good enough of a deal. 

Just when he was about to tell him that the Survey Corps was ending this partnership anyway, Levi's head turned slightly to the side, distracted by a sharp voice. Erdmann's eyes grew wide with it, face losing all red. 

"What was that?" Levi asked.

"I don't know, sounded like a hurt animal. We've some animal problem around here, many traps lay around so this isn't quite uncommon to hear."

"Sounds like it was silenced too soon though, couldn't even get a full breath out." 

"What do I know." Erdmann spat, standing to his feet. "Do send me a report of how much you need, I will be sending you the money as soon as I receive it."

The blonde spoke as he stepped towards the door. He opened it, finding the man who'd poked his head out the other room earlier standing behind it with a tray in hand, holding two steaming tea cups and two glasses of water.

"Didn't you hear him, Marcus? He said he didn't want to drink anything." Erdmann uttered at the younger man who looked at him suspiciously before clearing the way to the side. 

Erdmann walked out, crossing his way towards the narrow path that held the set of stairs at its end. He preceded there, followed by the shadow of a silent Levi from behind him. A few steps over and he felt the sound of the soldier's boots lacking. He slowed down, turning to look back from the corner of his eye. The blonde’s teeth clenched, having found Levi stopped at the first window that encountered him to stare through it at the outside. 

Erdmann walked back to him. Glancing out the window himself, he saw a cart moving away with two horses. It seemed like any other cargo cart but he knew that it held something different, something he was relieved to see have left. 

"What's holding you here? Liking the view?"

"That cart that just left, it had a pile of things that were covered by a brown sheet. I'm sure I heard the man say he was taking them to town when I'd arrived, but now it left with a wooden container instead."

"So what?"

"It's as though they changed their plan at the last minute." Levi turned to look at him. 

"So-what?" Erdmann repeated.

Levi turned his gaze to the second wooden container in the space beneath them. From the view up, he could see everything with clarity. He had spotted two on his way in, one was now gone, the second still there. 

A sharp low sound hissed from it, like a whimper. He had thought he imagined it when he'd just walked out of the office, until he heard it again now.

Erdmann swallowed, staring at him with ending patience.

"Look, I don't want to kick you out of my property but you've been here long enough. I already let you get what you want, that's enough of taking my time now."

"Can I see what's in that box?" 

Erdmann's face twisted slightly. He contained it fast, staring at Levi like he was demanding an elaboration.

"I heard a sound."

"First, what's in my warehouse is none of your business. Second, we move animals in these, so of course you'd hear sounds, you wouldn't want a wild pig jolting at you."

"That's okay, I want to see." Levi insisted, eyes undeviating from the blonde's.

Erdmann looked at him longer, breath hitching, skin heating, sweat gathering. "No." He said turning around.

Levi stood still in his place, face facing the taller man with his greys turning to the left, gazing down at the roof of the big wooden box container. For a moment, no man moved in the area anymore, everyone stood still as a deadly silence installed. Erdmann stopped to stare back at his suspicious guest. The next second, another low-pitched voice was heard and Levi had had enough.

His previous suspicion got only more confirmed; that was no animal, it was a woman!

He turned his eyes to the man immediately, fire burning to jolt forward to push him away and investigate. A trapped, helpless look took over Erdmann's eyes. The last Levi had expected, was for the forgotten man holding the tray on his side, to raise his muscular leg and shove it hard against him, sending him hurtling back.

The window shattered into tiny shards of glass as Levi got propelled out of it. That's right, Commander Erwin was not the only one with a right-hand man, thought Erdmann while he looked at the tray-holding man standing alone near the shattered window.

Levi felt time slow down as he fell, mouth agape with startlement, the faces of Erdmann and the dark-haired man looking out the window slowly getting smaller as the distance between them widened. They watched him fall to his dismay, until an excruciating pain radiated around his body simultaneously from skull to heel upon impact with the cold, hard floor.

Chapter Text

Levi felt time slow down as he fell, mouth agape with startlement, faces of Erdmann and the dark-haired man who pushed him looking out the window slowly getting smaller as the distance between them widened, until an excruciating pain fired on his body simultaneously from head to heel.

The breath was completely knocked out of him with the hard contact. His back felt like it'd been crumbled, his skull knocked, his ribs cracked, his legs battered, his skin infested by tiny shards of glass.

Levi's eyes widened once he realized that his lungs were unresponsive. No matter how much he struggled for a hint of oxygen, they remained still as though they didn't belong to him. For a moment, his heartbeats spiked up thinking he would pass out.

When he finally managed to breathe in, the sound of the inhale came too loud and sudden like he'd been returned from death. Levi regretted that immediately once his lower left rib pushed deep into his expanding lung, just like a sharp knife. It stung him like hell he was sure it was broken.

The two men had disappeared from the window, now coming down to find him. Levi closed his eyes, feeling the sharp pain run all along his backside. His skull ache radiated till it reached the back of his eyes, it felt like it was split in half along with every other bone on his back.

He breathed in repeatedly, shallow and fast. It was bad when his body desperately needed more oxygen with the erratic beats, but he could not breathe in deep enough to deliver. He needed to leave, hide, before they reached down and found him in this pathetic state. Levi opened his eyes, he used his strength to push himself up with his elbows.

"Nghhh." 

Raising up a mere inch, he laid back down again, feeling an excruciating pain sear through his spine and skull. The sharp area on his left rib stung him like a twisted knife with the movement. Everything fired at once, making Levi regret having even tried. He found no strength left in him as the hands he had just used to get up started shaking messily once he relaxed them, as though that little attempt had depleted all of their power.

Fuck! He thought. He tried another helpless attempt, more careful this time. All he got was a worn out body, stuck like an upside-down turtle, helpless and immovable. 

He closed his eyes, focusing on his little shallow breaths, hearing approaching rushing steps.

"There he is."

Once he opened his eyes, he found Erdmann and the man that pushed him hovering over him from the right, four other men doing the same on other sides. Levi felt helpless in that condition, hating the angle he was stuck into, staring at them like mountains while he laid vulnerable on the floor. It lacked control, which he despised.

"You stupid man, I had told you to leave," Erdmann spoke like he'd truly regretted what happened. Once he raised his head, his expression seemed to change drastically into a controlled, sure visage. "You two, take him to the cabin immediately." 

Erdmann ordered before turning on his feet, followed by all the other men except the two he ordered. 

"Those bitches, I will fucking kill them." He raged.

"I tried to shut them up, sir, they heard a stranger in and suddenly all of them got the guts to make sounds."

"Shut the fuck up you fucking idiot, you will be the next I kill."

Levi laid silent, inhaling in the short breaths pathetically. Pain consumed his mind he could barely hear what was spoken around him. He saw the guy who propelled him bend down to grab his arm, while the remaining one to his left forged forward to grab the other. 

"Ngaaaaa," What started out as a muffled groan grew into a desperate loud scream as he found himself raised up to a standing position.

Levi's bones felt cracked like the glass digging into his skin. His skull felt throbbing and radiating, his back, a detaching mess, his lower left rib, digging at him further he needed even shallower breaths. The position felt unbearable.

He was like molded jelly between their arms, legs failing underneath him to be dragged behind him as they turned him to the side. A strong wave of nausea churned his gut, confirming that he had broken bones. Levi's gut spasmed violently before a flow of vomit came out of his mouth.

"That's disgusting." Shot the tall dark-haired, pulling his arm further up.

Once Levi was done, he was turned around to be dragged away. Looking at the place where he had fallen, he saw traces of crimson coloring the area where his head had been. His eyes widened slowly at the sight, mouth still agape to catch the breaths that couldn't satisfy.  

His legs trailed behind him powerlessly, scraping along the ground as the two men dragged him forward. Levi groaned, feeling his vertebrates being spread out, his bruised torso pulled down with gravity, the friction from his sides firing his neurons agonizingly. He whimpered helplessly with each exhale at the movements.

"Please..." He breathed along one of his shallow breaths. "...Please stop."

It was torturous the way they moved him considering all the injuries he had. He wanted to lay still on the ground, it was hell as is like that. A new wave of nausea took over him again, one he doubted was due to the broken bones but rather to the intense pain. Levi found himself emptying his spasming stomach a second time.

The two men stopped again, waiting for him to finish. 

"Get your shit together. I thought you were supposed to be humanity's strongest soldier." Marcus shot again, unimpressed.

Once done, Levi closed his eyes, finding himself dragged again. His boots passed along the disgusting vomit underneath him. He went on whimpering pathetically, for once not even caring to get his shit together and hide how he felt. It was all too much.

Another loud groan escaped his lips when he found himself raised on a cart. Even his heels ached from the strong contact of having fallen off that distance.

The man who propelled him got with him on the cart, while the other man got on the front to guide the horse.

Levi continued breathing shallowly, feeling coldness around the back of his skull where air met the wetness. He closed his eyes, and closed his gaping mouth to breathe through his nose. He silenced the pathetic whimpers once he found steadiness, trying to gather a shard of clarity to think through all of the pain.

That didn't take long, since once the man at the front ordered the horse forward, the entire cart started to shake with the rocky road, rattling his wreck of a body along with it, digging the shards further deeper into his skin.

Levi's fast breaths grew exhausting, he was feeling his chest giving in, muscles drained. His lips parted again as whimpers left them with each shallow breath he exhaled. His shaky hands convulsed in search of something to hold onto, they found nothing but the dusty wood beneath him, nothing to help make him steady.

The agony was clear on his face, on his fast breaths, on his pained grey eyes that lacked their usual coldness as he turned them to stare at the man sitting beside him, helpless. He wanted to breathe another please, anything to end this pain, to have him steady for a second. But it hung in his throat, faced by a neutral cold gaze that he knew would never give in to his request.

Levi closed his eyes again, turning his head to the other side away from the man, in a pathetic attempt to hide his twisted pathetic face.

The ride wasn't long, but it was hell. At least now that they stopped he was steady.

The tall man stood up, sending Levi that uneasy feeling again as he found himself staring at him from a far lower angle. He watched him step behind him, before he reappeared, digging his arms under Levi's armpits and raising him to a sitting position. 

"Nghh.. hmm..hmm...hmm," The voices escaped him with each short breath.

Levi braced himself for the pain to come before he had moved him, it wasn't enough to hold back those uncontrollable groans, not even when he sealed his lips. Despite all the pathetic sounds he made, the man continued to raise him up regardless, throwing him down to his friend who stood at the end of the cart like a sack of potatoes. 

"Dammit, he's so heavy." The man complained, barely able to keep the weight of Levi up as he held him by the waist.

Levi's body was weighed down in submission, waiting to contact the floor. The dark-haired jumped down, sharing the weight with his friend. 

Once again, Levi found himself being dragged. This time towards a tiny cabin amid the countryside of Wall Rose, it was surrounded by nothing but trees.

Reaching inside, they got to what looked like a cozy living room. It had a nice couch in the middle, a nice carpet, spacious windows along its sides, a fireplace, and a joining kitchen and sink. It had two closed doors on the left, which considering the size Levi saw from outside, must be a small room and a toilet.

Levi got dragged to the first room. The shorter man struggled to keep him up while the dark-haired took the time to open the door. As he found himself dragged to the inside, he glanced at his surroundings. He found a tiny room as expected, having nothing inside but a tiny window. 

Levi gave in to the heaviness he felt, feeling himself wither with lethargy like a dying plant. By the time they reached there his entire body was dependent. Not a single muscle flexed in him, only a dead weight laid down sluggishly.

He was surprised when they abruptly threw him to the floor, not even caring to lay him down carefully. His face had almost crushed to the ground. His nose would've broken had he not turned to the side at the last second, feeling his cheek take the blow instead.

Levi screamed, eyes shutting tight as he felt the sharp bone of his rib stab into him with the fall. Now that he laid on his stomach, the pain was constant and breathing was unbearable.

"Let's wait for Erdmann outside."

"Wait..." He breathed rushedly, a mere weak helpless whisper. Levi heard them move away regardless. "Please... wait." He found his voice again with a second breath.

The steps seemed to have stopped.

"Hnghh." He took in a few fast breaths, too shallow they barely brought anything but excruciating pain. "Turn me.. to the side... I can't... breathe." Levi asked helplessly, shallow inhales cutting between words. 

It took a second of silent hesitation before the black-haired walked closer to him, grabbing him by his shirt and turning him over on the side. His spine burned along the movement, but his broken rib came on the upper side now, allowing him deeper breaths.

He heard them leave and close the door behind them, leaving him alone with loud breaths and agony.

Chapter Text

"What do you mean Levi is missing?" Hange's eyes moved intently between Erwin's blues.

"I sent him to take care of something this morning, he was supposed to be back here precisely seven hours ago. You know him, he's quite particular about punctuality. Even if something were to delay him it wouldn't take this long."

From standing by the desk, Hange spread her arms, placing her open palms on each side of the wooden table for steadiness. Her mind gears immediately started turning as she watched the look in Erwin's eyes, reading exactly the kind of thing he might have sent Levi to do.

"Why did you send him alone?"

"It's Levi we're talking about here. He's not the type to accept a babysitter, nor are the matters between me and him deserving of a third party. Posing these questions does not lead to anything now. By saying that he is missing, I do not at all mean that something bad had happened to him. Maybe something unfortunate occurred to delay him there, it would only require someone to take the trip and find him, which I trust you would do. I don't want the whole matter scattered across the Scouts, I'm trying to pinpoint a few people so I would like for this to be worked in full secrecy. You can take whoever you trust most with you."

It was always like this with Levi, always taken for granted that he will be fine. Even through the worst of events that could break anyone, his stoic nature had him as someone to never be worried about. He was always feeling fine, and he was always too strong to emerge unscratched from any battle. Hange could see the undoubtful certainty in Erwin's eyes that it was the case again. It's Levi we're talking about. Of course, he'll be fine. 

While she had the biggest trust in her friend’s capabilities, she couldn't help but feel different about that. Him being late does not signify that he was fine for her. She recognized that he was only a human that could fall victim for ambushes and plots. She recognized how sad and shaken he gets when something bad happens, even though the stoic facade he kept would have every other person tricked into believing that he was completely fine.

"I surely hope you're right." She said, her uneasy expression not fading. "Mike and Moblit."

"It wouldn't require three people. I was hoping to send you alone, actually, but seeing that you blamed me for sending Levi alone I expected you wouldn't like that."

"But you don't know where he is, the more people looking the faster we can find him."

"No." 

"I will need them."

Erwin sighed. "Alright then. I will tell Mike, he will go alone and you stay. No need for a third head to know about this."

"But-"

"It's either that or you go with him alone, Hange. It's an order." His lenient face turned stern, a side of him she knew too well.

Hange felt frustration grow in her, but she knew better than to let it out on her commander. For being so secretive, it must be something very serious. 

"Yes sir." She muttered grudgingly.

"You already know Erdmann, the head of the Sheena group. He's been making deals with some of our Scouts to mess up the consumption reports. We couldn't catch him or get proof when at first he brought everything as counted, and only later on did he get them to smuggle some out, at intervals we haven't yet figured out. I've been trying to catch the turncoats in the act for months, but they seem to be too careful. I hadn't a concrete proof to take him to the court, Levi was helping me set this straight."

"Straight how? You don't have any proof and for all we know someone may be selling the goods to make some money for themselves. If I'm not mistaken Erdmann is one of our biggest funders too. So is this the kind of thing you and Levi plot together when you're alone? You make him bully people?"

"It's not bullying, it's a matter of elimination. Erdmann is without a doubt the one pulling the strings of this."

"And you send Levi to this job alone." Hange went back to the thing that still bothered her like a thorn on her side.

She had enough trust in Erwin to believe his hunches to be right, but that only signified that Erdmann was corrupt. To send Levi alone to the most powerful merchant within the walls, while being fully aware of that fact, was beyond her. But of course it's Levi, nothing could hurt him, of course that's what Erwin would think. If anything happened to him, she will not forgive Erwin with his conceited sureness of his well being.

"He is fine, Hange. You just need to bring him back. Let's wait it for this night, if he doesn't come back by the early morning, get Mike and head to Trost district, that's where Levi went to find him, it's where he's mostly found."

Not so long after he was left alone, Levi faded out of consciousness. The mere steadiness of his body felt like an advantage, sending him into a dreamless sleep. He woke up to his cheek being lightly tapped, his consciousness returning first, followed by his hearing, and then the pain.

Levi groaned weakly in response, feeling the taps cease.

"Come on, get up, open your eyes."

He wanted to, he was trying to, but they felt so heavy like someone had glued them shut. 

A hint of something stuck to his throat, prompting him to cough weakly in reflex. Pain flared around his entire body, rising back to the intensity before he had fallen asleep. Levi's eyes found it in them to open again, welcomed by the shallow measured breaths.

He found the two men from earlier standing behind, and one Erdmann kneeling near him.

"You think I was lying to you when I told you I supported the Scouts?... I was not." Erdmann shook his head, face conflicted but sincere. "So you could only understand my conflict now, when I see you lying down here in this state." His right hand curved into a shape, like he wanted to catch something that was unattainable. "I had told you to leave, Levi. I had told you. The funny thing is, if you were to be any different person, I wouldn't have spent a single thought before I sent a bullet through your stubborn little head. But you are humanity's fucking strongest! The one who equals an entire brigade... What would that make me if I killed you?"

Levi only stared in silence, eyes half-lidded weakly. He couldn't know if Erdmann was pulling an act to make him shut up, or if he'd truly meant what he said.

The dark-haired man approached from behind him.

"Wait, are you serious? You're thinking about letting him go after I shoved him off an entire floor? Even if you let him, Erdmann, I'm afraid I cannot allow that."

Erdmann stared steadily at Levi through the talk. He passed a hand through his blonde hair, forehead glittering with sweat again. It reminded Levi that they were in the middle of the summer, he seemed to have forgotten when he felt a strange chill run through his skin. 

"What are you talking about? How can I? I want to, I really want to, but he just had to stand there and notice." His lips pressed together, looking like he had lost something important. "I don't have a choice in here, Levi. As much as I hate having to do this, you know so much for your own good."

Erdmann drew a gun out of his belt once his words ended. Faced with a stark black hole, Levi's eyes now opened fully, coming to the realization that he was soon to lose his life.

"I am doing humanity a disservice. Why did you come to that damned warehouse in the middle of nowhere? Who was the fucker to have led you there? Barely anyone knows I come to it. Why did you even care to cross all that distance instead of just waiting?"

Levi only stared weakly, adrenalin bumping through him but not giving him the usual jolt of strength with his worn-out muscles. It was critical, frightening, powerless, to be at the complete mercy of another person without having the ability to defend oneself. It was pathetic, to just wait for death to come. He imagined the way he would die many times, in a Titan fight gone wrong, in many other ways, but this, he never had expected.

Erdmann stuck the hole to Levi's head, who pierced his blues with an undeviating gaze while he laid silent, struggling with breaths.

He couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger. It was a certainty that he would, he had no other choice, he just needed a few more moments before he faced the pain of killing the most talented human to have existed, who would probably never be repeated. The shining spear and the strongest shield of humanity.

Levi's piercing stare as he awaited his fate, not even saying a word to beg for his life, only held Erdmann back further. But it needed to be done. His finger twisted around the trigger, slowly tightening, blue eyes gazing wide, piercing faded greys.

A warm hand laid over Erdmann's shoulder. He turned to the side to find Marcus, his long-time companion and right hand. He turned to look up at him with a wandering expression.

"I think you're right, he's too good to let die like this." Marcus said.

Erdmann's hesitant hand fell heavily away from Levi, sensing salvation in his friend's voice. He trusted Marcus completely; he had a sharp mind that saved him countless times. But wasn't he the one who just told him he wouldn't accept letting Levi go? For Erdmann, he saw no other solution out of this but to make the kill. 

"What do you suggest after what he knows?" He asked.

Marcus's hand tightened further around his friend's shoulder, his stone-cold face looking slightly warmer facing him. It was a silent invite that had Erdmann stand to his feet, getting that he had something to tell him privately and away from Levi.

The three men left outside to the living room, closing the door on the raven-haired to what now was a room lit dimly by the last strings of sunset light coming through the window.

Chapter Text

Hange hung to the hope Erwin had instilled in her. It was always like this with Levi, so reliable on his own that everyone took him for granted. But here she and Mike looked through the entirety of Trost district, visiting every warehouse that belonged to Erdmann, and finding no trail of him anywhere. He was now indeed and by all definitions officially missing.

"What are we doing now?" She asked Mike, holding her steps to a halt by the edge of the river, muscles exhausted from having walked a thousand steps.

"We go back to the warehouse where the man told us he had come."

"What's the point? He came to them at 10 a.m. yesterday. It's past noon now, he could've gone anywhere since."

"Then let's find out more about this Erdmann. If Levi were after him, it would've been his next move having not found him in there."

"The man said he would come to his office at three. We wait. But if he did something, Mike, it's not like he'd be telling us about it."

"I didn't know you to be so hopeless. Wasn't it you who always said research pays? All I'm asking is that we do that."

Hange sighed. It's true what Mike said, yet she couldn't help but lose some of her composure with Levi not found. The more hours it took, the more she felt clouded by fear. The Scouts had many enemies and he was one prominent target, and Erwin took him for granted by sending him alone on the dangerous undertaking.

Now all she had left was to wait for Erdmann to come to his office at three, all hopes of finding a lead.

Levi found sleep again as soon as the three men left, or maybe it was unconsciousness. He didn't wake up for hours, not until the morning sun shone bright through the window accompanied by birds chants.

He opened his eyes, hating to find the pain again. His right side felt sore for having remained on it for so long, he tried to move himself from that position but didn't know how exactly. His back was a battered mess to lay on, his stomach would take away his breathing, and his left side would send the crooked rib further deeper inside of him. Levi only manipulated his right arm forward, deciding it was better to remain as is over the sharp pains of yesterday.

He remained like that for what felt like hours, when he started hearing people move outside. It was like they slept and just woke up. He heard movements around, undistinguishable chatters and mixed bustling. When he closed his eyes, he could for a second imagine he was back in headquarters with his comrades starting their day outside.

It took about thirty minutes since that bustle had started until the door to his room opened, causing him to open his greys in response. Levi found Erdmann, walking in towards him with a plate that held a bowl steaming with something hot.

"Hope you're feeling better today." He spoke with a reserved, regretful voice.

Levi just preferred to keep quiet. He wasn't sure he would find the strength in him to answer if he'd tried, either way, he didn't want to.

"I would bring you out to rest in the living room if I knew you wouldn't try something." Erdmann said once he reached him, stopping to stare.

Realizing that Levi had barely moved from his place in the past hours, he realized the absurdity of his statement. 

"Hell, guess I can bring you out to a softer bed." He sighed, before raising his voice with a yell. "Klaus, come here."

A moment later, the man who rode the horse yesterday showed up. He found his master placing the tray that smelled like fresh nature on the floor.

"Help me bring him to the couch."

"But sir, what if he tries something?"

"Look at him, this is precisely where I left him yesterday, lying on that same side. If he couldn't bring himself to move an inch in hours, how long do you think he could run in this deserted forest before one of us could find him? The wolves would be the first to pick up on his blood anyway, and they'll do the job for us in case he decides to leave."

The two men approached Levi. From laying still for the longest time, his pain had been muffled slightly. Having them move him again, his back split all over, each vertebra feeling like it was growing separate from the one near it. Levi groaned, grinding his teeth together to hold what could've been a scream.

"I'm sorry about that." Erdmann said, showing surprising softness in dealing with him.

He placed most of Levi's weight on his tall body, saving him from the arm lock of the other man. Levi stood too small to him in comparison, more so now that he was shrinking himself to gain back some contact between his aching vertebras. Erdmann laid a hand under his legs, suddenly raising him up to him like a child. 

Levi was about to groan but he cut it so shortly, surprised by the act. He felt embarrassed, avoiding the man's eye contact as he started to walk him outside. Erdmann seemed to have caught that hint of a groan regardless, apologizing a second time before he ordered Klaus to bring the tray after them.

"Hey, fast, bring that blanket over here." He ordered, remembering the dry, yet unsettlingly sticky blood on Levi's hair. He didn't want that to ruin the naked sofa. 

Finding himself laid down, Levi felt comfort in his aching bones. Except for the back of his head that he turned to the side not wishing to have it make contact with anything, his back seemed to feel way better like this, his rib too now that the softness swallowed his flesh, less pressure was applied to his lungs, allowing for deeper breaths. He was again mostly on his right side but it didn't bother him as before, it was the most comfortable position in his state.

Erdmann sat on a chair near Levi, grabbing a spoon from the tray that Klaus set on the coffee table, filling it up with porridge that still steamed and smelled excessively good. He brought it to the raven-haired's mouth with care, eyes filled with stupid certainty that he would take it.

"What the fuck do you think yourself doing?" Levi's voice was rasp from not having spoken too long. It was weak and cracked by occasional whispers. "If you think you can buy me with this, then know that soon as I leave here I'm making you pay back for everything that you did. You might as well kill me now."

Erdmann looked at him with a hint of disappointment. He looked down, nodding.

"Of course I'm not trying to buy you. I'm not stupid, Levi, I know nothing would. I just want you to eat to make up for what you've lost. You need it to heal."

"The fuck do you care if I heal or not when you want me dead? What are you planning with that fucker friend of yours?"

"Marcus?" His blues raised back to meet the greys. "We are planning things, but it doesn't involve you dying. You don't have to worry about that."

Levi felt an uneasy feeling creep around him. What in the world do they want with him?

Erdmann raised the spoon back to approach his mouth, face soft again as he stared at him. Staring back, Levi raised his hand up and pushed it away with his wrist, feeling like he was being mocked. The porridge full spoon fell down straight, finding a rest on the beautiful carpet underneath them. 

From looking at the stuck mess, the blonde raised his eyes back up to look at Levi, letting out a subtle blaming sigh before he bent down to grab it and walk with it to the nearby sink in the kitchen.

"He'd gone somewhere early to get something for me. He can tell you what we plan once he's back." Erdmann walked back to Levi with the now cleaned spoon, planting it into the steaming porridge. "There's water and food, you need them. You can feed yourself if you managed, or call Klaus here to help you. I'm leaving now for some business myself, see you once I'm done."

With that, Erdmann left.

Looking at the remaining man in the room, Levi found a cold gaze coming from him.

"I'm not helping you." Klaus said, all out of the blue.

"Tsh" Levi looked away, having had no plans at all to call him anyway.

Chapter Text

"Billy, bring some tea to the wall heroes!" Erdmann called, sitting at his regular office within his biggest warehouse in Trost.

The view outside his window showed a wide busy street. In front of him sat a redhead, and a blonde whom he could call a giant despite him being 190cm himself.

It was one of the few times he lacked the presence of Marcus, it always felt safer having him near, but the business he sent him to was more important. Regardless, Erdmann’s face looked flushed and his eyes warm in greeting the two holders of the wings of freedom. 

"Thank you." Started Hange. "We are not to stay here long, we're just here to ask you about our comrade. He was sent with a private message to you yesterday morning. He came here to find you, and we haven't been able to locate him since."

Erdmann listened with interest, eyebrows raising.

"Of course! Captain Levi! I was the most thrilled yesterday when I came here from checking an arrived shipment, and got informed that he'd come looking for me. I wouldn't lie, I am a big fan of his along with my son, he looks up to him." Erdmann's face flushed further, the summer heat mixing with his growing excitement. "I was excited to get the opportunity to meet humanity's strongest soldier in person, as you know he is a celebrity around here. I even figured I'd get him to sign an autograph for Bo. Unfortunately, he never came back. But you say that he is missing now, how could that be? He's so strong I doubt anything could've happened to him... You sweet man, fast as always and never forgetting the sweet leaf of mint, thank you Billy!"

Hange and Mike glanced at each other quickly.

"We believe that he went missing while attempting to find you." 

"That's concerning. But as I told you, he is humanity's strongest, nothing would hurt him. He will be back."

"Why are you insisting on that?" Hange's eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"As his fan I am! Of course, he would! They say he is as strong as an entire brigade." Erdmann gushed, eyes glittering looking almost proud. That only lasted shortly, until Mike broke his silence with a slash.

"We have reasons to suspect that you were behind his going missing, Erdmann." He said.

"What?" The blue eyes shot Mike's way, widened with disturbance and shock. 

"Levi was not coming for you with good news. And when he is told to deliver a message, we can rest assured that he will. With you not liking that message, even you being a fan wouldn't stand in the way of making it stop." 

"What is this message?"

"You would know."

"No, no I don't."

"Of course, you'd say that." Mike pressed, with his same daring sureness.

"No, I insist, tell me."

"The message doesn't matter now. What matters is that he is missing, ever since he came to deliver it to you." 

"I don't have any idea about a message, nor have I ever met him. Don't act like that is the truth of what happened. If he is truly missing, then I highly doubt he was forced into it. It's Captain Levi, it must've been his own choice and he must've had a good reason. You just gotta wait for him to come back, or search better. I will offer my help if you need it —as a fan. Otherwise, you can both leave my property now."

The previous excitement had withered into a disappointed, even hurt expression on Erdmann. Mike picked up on that, noticing every emotion taking over the man's expressive face.

"It's so confusing. I don't know, not that I trust gut feelings but he doesn't seem like the one behind it." He reasoned, walking the busy street with Hange on his side.

"Let's search better and find out."

Digging got them to Erdmann's house in Trost. Though far from his main family home within Wall Sheena, Hange and Mike discovered that his twelve year old son was indeed a huge Levi fan. They got confirmation from more people that the merchant pledged to the Scouts and defended them whenever a conversation erupted at a party.

They both felt like they were trying to push the matter in that direction as to have Erdmann be the person behind this, only to have a hopeful lead. But looking at sheer facts, nothing truly showed that he was behind the disappearance.

Taking a step back, the city looked broad, and the possibilities limitless. Hange and Mike felt lost, fading into a vast place with countless paths to take.

Hange knew she better had Moblit with them to help fasten the searching process, but at this point, she wasn't sure three people would even be enough. It grew a pit in her stomach that they lacked any lead to push them to a direction. All that they had was that Levi was gone, without knowing where, how, when nor by who. Not even a single witness, not even a triangulated area to look into. Erdmann said that it must be his choice but she knew her friend better, it's now been over 24 hours since he left and she was certain that something compelling had prevented him, something that cannot mean good.

Without a clear plan, they got on their horses and rode their way back to headquarters to report.

Levi didn't expect something as minor as grabbing a glass of water to feel like an immense task. His tongue was dry from the summer heat and all the blood, sweat and time that had passed. He didn't spare the porridge a second glance when a meal was not yet vital for him, the water, however, he needed desperately.

His entire back fired with pain with each slight movement. He winced, finally getting a hold of the glass mere feet away. His hand shook as he raised it to his lips, prompting him to use his other hand for steadiness. His elbows hurt him, his muscles felt weak, battered. Maybe it was better if he'd let Erdmann hand him it.

Once done, he rested his head back on the sofa carefully. Levi stared out the spacious windows that surrounded the cabin, he saw through one sheer curtain Klaus chopping wood outside. Time was barely passing in this place. For a moment, it felt peaceful, and he felt his mind heavying again with a new need for sleep.

The main door's knob turned, disturbing his yielding state. Levi could still see Klaus chopping wood outside. He got himself together and turned to the side towards the main door to spot the man Erdmann had called Marcus entering.

His dark eyes locked on him, undeviating. "I see you're making yourself comfortable."

Levi only stared at him in silence without answering. He watched him walk closer, holding a leather bag in hand that he carefully placed on the coffee table. Marcus assessed the entire room with a glance, turning from Levi to the area behind him, the kitchen, the windows and Klaus, the plate sat on the coffee table, then back to Levi's greys again.

"This was Erdmann's idea, was it? Ah, Erdmann! I'm afraid that I have to take you back into the other room."

"He said you will explain to me what you're planning to do when you come back." Levi uttered once the man stood next to him with clear intent.

Marcus paused with a hanging mouth for a second. "Yes, I will."

With that, he brought his long arms down, grabbing Levi and raising him up. Grey eyes widened, almost having forgotten how awful the pain had previously felt, almost getting shocked at how bad it could grow.

"Ah...Ngh..." Levi fruitlessly attempted to muffle with each fastening breath. 

Marcus held him to a standing position. Levi wasn't able to keep up but he wrapped a long arm around him to force him to, crushing his sore back in the process. He continued to drag him towards the little room, looking in a sick rush to get him in place, not giving one single shit about his whimpers, nor the way Levi helplessly grabbed to his shirt for support having nothing in him strong anymore but a shaking hand, a desperate grip that amounted for nothing.

Once inside, Marcus threw him to the cold ground robotically. Levi groaned long with grinded teeth, feeling something electric run through him from he impact. He could swear that a cracked bone had cracked further and deeper with the hit.

He closed his eyes, not hearing anything anymore. His thinking ability completely shut down, overwhelmed by nothing more than the pain that throbbed all around him. It was excruciating. Levi was panting heavily again, worse than ever. A wave of nausea took over him as his body grew suddenly hot, slowly dampening his white shirt in the process.

He only came back to reality once he heard the door of the room shut down with a strong thud, prompting him to jump in place and open his eyes wide. Levi found Marcus standing there, looking tall and mighty. He had went back to bring the leather bag he'd kept on the coffee table, now holding it in his hand. 

Levi focused on breathing, feeling a panicking shortage take over his lungs again. His pain was killing him it was hard to stay mentally present in that room despite sensing danger in the cold stare of the man near him.

"I will be ending your pain in a minute." Marcus calmly said, kneeling down to open the bag he set on the floor. Levi wandered if that meant he'd kill him.

Out of the bag, he brought out a strange looking tool, a syringe, but nothing like Levi had seen before. It was golden in color, with two circles on its sides for finger placement, transparent glass in its middle. Marcus held a small vial next. He filled the strange tool with its liquid only but slightly, disposing of any air till a glistering drop came out.

Survival instinct kicking in, Levi found the strength in his legs to push himself backwards. The distance wasn't big, barely two pushes in he felt the wall meet his battered skull and back, preventing him from moving further.

"Ngh...what are...you doing?"

"Don't worry, it won't kill you. It will just stop the pain."

His words sounded comforting, his eyes said the otherwise. Levi attempted to get up, to fight, but his back was not responding at all. He could only flex his muscles, agonizingly, but they wouldn't manage to lift his weight even inches. Realizing that, he felt frightened to watch the man kneel near him, pinning his arm forcefully and pushing his shirt up.

"No." Levi struggles with what little strength he had left.

"Calm down, we don't want it going in the wrong place."

"No!" He suddenly raised his hand, hitting him hard on the face.

Marcus got to his feet fast, holding his nose between his hands. He looked down at Levi with growing rage, pain clear in his dark eyes. For yet a second time, he raised his leg up and kicked him with full force. 

Levi screamed with agony, finding himself slide to the other side of the room to be stopped by the other wall. His broken rib was plunged deeper inside his tissues, cutting them sharp. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes, unable to process all the unbearable pain. He couldn't breath anymore, it was all too much, it was pain over pain over pain that he thought he couldn't experience worse of, till Marcus proved him wrong.

"If you keep this up I will call Klaus to tie you up. Now..."

The tall man took the steps forward, finding Levi's arm again. With all of his nerves firing at once, Levi didn't move at all this time, being pulled into his own mind. He felt the two drops at the corners of his eyes threatening to turn into more. His toes curled, entire body tensed, but the pain was the same everywhere.

A particular sting to his elbow crease was nothing compared to the rest he felt, it was negligeable, he couldn't even register it with everything he was experiencing. Then suddenly, his toes slowly relaxed, his entire muscles let go, and for the first time since he fell down the window, his pain was actually starting to fade...

Chapter Text

Slowly, Levi felt the pain fade all around his body. What he didn't expect was the growing ecstasy that followed, filling his mind to the fullest. His lungs expanded in a deep breath, his broken rib nothing but a negligible nudge. His eyes closed, his mouth gaped, his head fell backward relaxed. Then a long loud exhale followed, reflecting his feeling of being engulfed in pure pleasure and satisfaction. It was like floating in a paradise.

That felt like forever for Levi before he started to fade out of that delicious phase. Then he was back on the wooden floor again, awareness of his surroundings growing very slowly. He started hearing a conversation in the room but it took him a while to start making sense of it.

"...-Fischer here."

"Look, I know he is your friend and that he helped us before but this is different. We have a prominent member of the military held, it's captain Levi! He will recognize him as soon as he sees him. The scouts will soon announce that he's missing, potentially giving a prize. He may get greedy or cave into fear and speak up, it's all it takes to mess this up."

"Marcus, you are a smart man that I trust endlessly, but you know why you cannot replace me in my business? It is because you are too careful. I've always told you that didn't I? One can never amount to greatness without taking a few risks by putting faith in some people, contacts are the catalyst to grow. You cannot reach anything if you don't have someone else to pull you, you just need to have the hunch of choosing the right person to trust."

"I'm just being reasonable."

"You're being extra suspicious. It's okay, I like that about you, but Fischer is our man. You see the other side of trusting someone is to have something on them to ensure the trust, and I happen to have precisely that on him." 

Levi could hear a sinister smile through Erdmann's last words. It was hard for him to focus on the conversation with the warm, pleasant sensation spreading throughout his body continuously attempting to detach him from his surroundings. He curled up a bit, enjoying the remaining traces of it.

"Besides, what good would it be to save him if he's gonna get out of this crippled? In that case, I may as well save us the trouble and kill him now." The blonde added.

Levi grew a bit more aware, granted with his pain still muffled. He still felt an extra satisfying relaxation all over his body and mind. He opened his eyes slowly to take in his surroundings. From lying on the floor of the small room, he saw the two men standing at the door immersed in their conversation. When Marcus noticed him his eyes grew wide.

"He's awake!" He interjected, swiftly stepping towards Levi.

"How much did you give him?"

"The usual beginner's dose. He should be off for another half an hour at least." Marcus kneeled near the grey-eyed, meeting his gaze closely. "What the fuck are you made of?"

Levi was only silent, still feeling a sense of serenity and sedation affect him. Erdmann appeared behind the dark-haired man, closing in on his face.

"Hey Levi, I hope you're feeling better now. That should've taken all your pain away. It's all gonna be okay now."

Levi closed his eyes again, feeling lethargic. He hung on to the little remaining pleasure he still felt over the reality that stood in front of him.

When he heard them leave the room, he opened his eyes and pulled himself up to sit against the wall behind him. He couldn't feel the pain, only a slight sensation that didn't faze him. He was weak, but he worked through it with multiple attempts. 

From his movement, a slight pain started to throb around his left side, it slowly increased but nothing to bother him like before. Levi grabbed the hem of his shirt, raising it over his skin to check. It was a horrifying scene; his abdomen was completely distorted with a rainbow of colors, violet, red, and blue. It was inwardly depressed on the area where his rib was supposed to be, it looked so disturbing that even his tranquil state couldn't prevent his face from distorting in response. 

Levi covered himself back. Realizing that this position would be hurting him once the drug faded more, he moved forward, finding comfort in laying on his right side again.

As expected, his old unwelcome guest started to increase with time until it reached the usual level. Levi stared out the small window at the blue sky outside, lips parted. He hated that he had to shallow his breathing again, even more this time with his rib further pushed in from Marcus's kick. 

He didn't get what those men planned to do with him but he had a bad feeling about it. The time dragged so long with him in there alone and with the pain. He closed his tired eyes and relaxed his muscles, wishing to find sleep through all of it.

Hange has vowed to never forgive Erwin if something were to happen to Levi, now that it's been confirmed that he was missing, she put no effort into covering up her frustration.

"…he is nowhere to be found, and we have no idea where, when, or for what reason he had disappeared." She ended her briefing with a bitter summary.

"It's Erdmann. It must be him."

"How could you be so sure? Or is this by elimination too? Because if so, then he could've been ambushed before he got to him. We're not the most loved group in Trost. You already know that district is the most heated, it would be the perfect place for such a plot. If only you'd sent him with someone else then all of this could've been prevented."

"Hange," Mike called, noticing her face heating up, her head getting closer and closer to Erwin's way over the desk.

He turned to look at the commander once she quieted down, who sat in his chair staring at her back calmly.

"She's right, Erwin." Mike added with a lower tone. "We've spoken to the man, not to say that I trust his words but he seemed sincere. I wouldn't bet that he was behind this."

Erwin looked thoughtful for a moment. "If that's what your sharp nose has caught then I can't ignore it. However, he should remain our number one suspect unless proven otherwise. In the meantime, have an announcement printed on tomorrow's paper. Levi is a known face, if anyone had encountered him they would remember and they would let us know where he was last seen. Maybe someone witnessed something suspicious."

The next day had passed completely unregistered for Levi. The last he remembered was Erdmann and Marcus coming into the little room by the early morning, Marcus holding the syringe in hand, brown eyes wide and determined. Levi wanted to experience that ecstasy a second time, to have it stop his pain, but he didn't like losing control of himself with these men around. He didn't feel safe knowing that they plotted something. He hated not knowing what it was, only stuck with the bad feeling about it.

Erdmann stood at the back watching, repeating some words to calm Levi down. But it's not like he could put on much of a fight in his pathetic state, that much was clear in Marcus's smiling eyes.

The next thing he knew, he woke up on the sofa. It was dark outside through the windows, so much time had passed since he was last awake. It frightened him that he lost memory of what happened during the time gap, only a floating feeling of ecstasy registered.

Finding his pain muffled, Levi got up on his elbows. His eyes were wide and even the strong sense of sedation the drug dug into him couldn't prevent a subtle panic. A big hand laid on his chest, gently pushing him back.

"You shouldn't strain yourself. Lay back and I'll explain."

Levi laid back slowly, finding Erdmann sitting on the chair near him. Erdmann looked at him with relief, like he was staying up worrying next to a sick friend who'd just woke up.

"What the fuck are you doing to me?" Levi asked, lacking his usual coldness. He looked helpless, even scared to know the answer.

"It's a drug that takes away the pain. We didn't do anything, we just had a doctor come in to check on you." Erdman replied, bringing his hand closer to pull down the sheet on Levi who instinctively flinched and attempted to stop him, but the blonde preempted him.

Levi found himself shirtless. His left side was covered by a big bandage, a small circle of blood staining the center of it.

"Your rib was nastily broken, he set it back into place so it heals well. He took care of the wounds on your back too. He said that you don't have any fully broken bones back there, which is good. He said you might have some cracked ones that he can only check if you are conscious to confirm, but it's not important because they are well aligned and will heal alright anyway."

Levi stared, still not understanding his intention from this.

"He said you should eat well and rest your body, otherwise it might get nasty."

Erdmann turned to the side, where a plate of mashed potatoes was set on the coffee table. He filled a spoon and guided it to Levi's mouth.

Having not eaten in three days had started to get to Levi. He knew that if he didn't accept this help now, he wouldn't be able to eat alone. Yet his greys kept gazing at Erdmann sharply, not looking down at the spoon near his mouth. Levi found a soft, hopeful look radiating from the man.

With a blink, he turned to the left side, looking away and leaving both Erdmann and his spoon behind. A loud sigh left the blond.

"You can't keep up with this. You know you need it. There's still a long road ahead for you to heal."

Levi's grip tightened around the sheets, barely holding himself back. If only he had his strength he would've ripped this man to pieces. After everything he and his friend did he still had the guts to act like the good man in this.

"Didn't I tell you it's a waste? Look at him, he's creating fists under the sheets. If he had any bit of an ability he would've long since shredded your face." Marcus appeared from a corner suddenly. Levi turned back to him, finding the glittering browns stuck on him. "There's no point trying to get on his good side, you already lost that bet the moment he realized you kept women in the containers."

"Marcus!" Erdmann called with emphasis.

"Don't play them for a pig, you know he knows. And he wouldn't forgive you for that because women trafficking is a sensitive topic for him, right Levi?" Marcus smirked, reaching where they sat to stand by the table, gaze undeviating from the smoldering grey.  "I had to do some digging about you. I can see you taking this personally considering that your mother was a whore in the underground. But don't worry, it's different up here. I can assure you that each one of them is getting fairly compensated for her work."

Levi felt his blood boil, his body heating up, his further tightened grips shake. "You filthy-fucker." He uttered, despising being helpless, despising that mocking smirk.

"That's enough, Marcus."

"Now we know that he's not acting, he really cannot do shit." The tall man still smirked, standing daringly within an arm's length from Levi who felt his breath begin to shake. "It really is funny how the past clings to a person. Just like your mother, you happened to fall between our hands now, about to face the same faith as our whores."

Levi has had enough. Despite getting more than one confirmation that he can't move, he did regardless, out of reflex, without thought, only to be tight back by his body's fucking limitations. He winced, grinding his teeth so hard they could crack. His eyes burned with hate, sending daggers toward the sneering man. He wanted to kill him!

The same moment that Erdmann stood up, towering over the tall black-haired.

"I said enough." He repeated with a calm but stern voice, gaining back the attention of Marcus who wiped the smirk off his face.

Levi turned to the left again, withdrawing to the sofa's backrest. His ragged breaths echoed back into his ears. He was livid and saddened by his own helplessness, he despised the state he was in, he really could not do shit and that fucker knew it.

Levi didn't see when Erdmann motioned for Marcus to walk out with him, a displeased expression coating his expressive face.

When he heard their steps moving away and the main door lock, he closed his greys, burying his face into the backrest harshly as though to escape all of the shit to there.

Left alone with Klaus, the thin man was like usual, silent like a night, unnoticeable like a breeze. It wasn't until the time was deep into the night that Levi surrendered to sleep. He wasn't a man who slept much before but ever since he fell he started to. Whether his body needed the recuperation, or was attempting to shut down the pain, he didn't know. Either way, the pain was manageable with him on a sofa and keeping steady without moving.

When his eyes opened again, he found a bluish dawn light coming in through the sheer curtains. Levi realized then that the sound of a horse clattering was what woke him, then soon the main door opening followed, exposing Erdmann.

The man walked in with the usual warm expression, looking at Levi first and ignoring everything else in the living room.

"I had to come here early before starting work, I didn't want to send Marcus." He spoke as he walked inside, opening a backpack he had on. He brought out a wrapped pot that he set on the coffee table. "My maid, Miss Bauer, makes the best food. She made this just now. Sometimes I get excited having to spend the night in Trost over going home to my wife, her cooking is… different to say the least, and she’s no lady that accepts criticism." Once done with the unpacking, Erdmann raised his blues to meet the dark-haired. "I know you'll think to refuse, but please, Levi, accept it from me. You cannot eat alone now, you will be able to once you accept this and recuperate."

With that, he filled yet a spoon, his eyes yet again hopeful. The smell preceded to invade Levi's nostrils deliciously. 

Feeling weakness wash over his muscles, Levi stared at Erdmann back for a while. He glanced down at the spoon near his lips before he opened his mouth. He was hungry, and he did indeed have no other way to eat. If this is what it took to grow him stronger and pull him out of this helplessness, he will succumb to it. Weakening himself further won't do him any good anyway.

Erdmann smiled warmly. He went on, feeding Levi with a satisfied expression on his face. Once done, he approached a glass of water his way, which Levi used his hands to grab instead, drinking its content with some of the liquid spilling on the sides to trail his chin and neck.

Erdmann grabbed it from him once he was done.

"There you go." He said, looking happy.

He got up from his place and disappeared towards the tiny room before he appeared again holding the syringe Marcus had used before. It was filled with a slight quantity of liquid again. Levi's eyes widened.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm just gonna inject you with some of this."

"No. I'm fine. I'm not in pain."

"Sorry Levi but I have to." The blonde approached, looking indeed apologetic.

"No." Levi sunk slightly under the sheets.

"Please. It pains me to see you like this. Let's make it fast, it will feel good after."

"Why are you doing this?"

Erdmann just stood motionless, before he shook his head. "I'm sorry."

He raised the sheets and attempted to get Levi's arm but he pulled it away. It wasn't hard for the muscular man to outstrenghen him in his beat condition, that didn't deny that he seemed to have a certain respect for him and a certain regret and hate for having to do that.

"I'm sorry, Levi." Erdmann repeated with a low voice, before forcing his arm out.

Levi struggled to get back but felt his muscles battered. Within a moment, his eyes closed and he was flowing in ecstasy again...

Chapter Text

One week has gone by with Levi trapped in the damned cabin, it was long enough for him to learn what comes after each breakfast. It became a habit for his captors to inject him with the strange drug every morning. Levi stopped resisting them once he realised they would do either way, with one way being painless, and the other earning him a pinning. He was in a pathetic state to put up a fight anyway.

He glared at Marcus, watching him gather the empty dishes set on the coffee table.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He told him.

Marcus stopped the bustle and turned his way. He approached him with a step, grabbing him carefully. Ever since the operation, he had become gentler with him in fear of anything going out of place again. 

Finding himself raised to a standing position, Levi felt the usual sharp pains flare around his torso and rib, granted with a little improvement around his healing muscles. With all of his weight laid against Marcus, he attempted to take a little step to regain control. It was an instant regret for Levi once his thigh wobbled and his back shot a sharp electricity-like pain through his vertebras. It was enough to peak Marcus's interest, however.

"This is impressive. The doctor said you wouldn't be able to make a step for at least two weeks. You really are made up of something else, aren't you?" He exclaimed. And even though Levi had given up on taking another step, the dark haired was still intrigued by the deficient yet successful attempt. "Considering how fast you wake up from the injections, and this fast ability to heal, something is odd about you."

Done dragging him to the bathroom, Marcus studied Levi with curious eyes. "What's your secret, humanity's strongest? Got anything to share?"

Being on the other side, Levi glared at him a last time before he slammed the door in his face.

A few minutes later, he laid Levi on the sofa and then turned to the dishes set on the table. Marcus moved towards the sink, then returned to disappear in the opposite direction.  When he came back, he had the leather bag in hand. Levi watched him as he expectedly brought the syringe out. 

"What is it? It isn't like anything out on the streets. It has the same effect as drugs but drugs are either powder or pills and they don't make you go out cold." 

From staring at the syringe, Marcus smiled, glancing at the grey-eyed.

"It is like nothing within the walls, yes." He approached him, grabbing his arm and pushing the shirt up to his elbow. Purple traces of previous punctures contrasted Levi's white skin, Marcus looked at them, licking his lips. "This is our specialty, you wouldn't find it anywhere else." 

With that, he injected him, watching his eyelids fall, his lips part and his head sway to the side.

"...it was around ten in the morning."

From looking at the man sitting on the other side of her desk, Hange bent her head down with disappointment. It's been three weeks since Levi had gone missing, during which the Survey Corps got many responds to their announcement on the paper.

Many people showed up at the open desk in Trost the following day of the announcement to share their information, none was remotely helpful to guide them anywhere. It was only about him being spotted around one place or another. Some people saw him walking the street, some saw him stopped by fans, others saw him told off by angry men who hated their taxes being spent on the useless Military, some saw him at a shop, some saw him walking in or out of the Sheena group's eastern warehouse —something Hange and Mike had already known— and this man in front of her, who had sent for them after three weeks that he had some information, came only to repeat that. 

With three weeks passing with nothing, Hange had started to lose hope, all until his message was received. She even took it upon herself to personally send for him a carriage to bring him to headquarters for this meeting, only to be slapped by another disappointment.

"Ah, Miss?!"

She raised her head, feeling the last string of hope escape her. It felt like a void was created in her stomach. "Is that all?" 

"I...y-yes." The man chuckled nervously, noticing her disappointment. "It might not be something big but you mentioned in the ad that any detail could help. I'm sorry for showing up late but I hadn't known about it until only recently, I don't read papers much." 

"How did he look like walking out from there? Did he look angry or disturbed?"

"...He didn't look like anything in particular. He looked neutral, impassive."

Hange nodded. What else to expect from Levi? She swallowed thickly, so many dark thoughts taking over her as she stood up. 

"Thank you for your help." Her tired voice reached.

Soon as the man headed out she turned to the window behind her. Hange stared at the outside, feeling her eyes warming and warning of a coating of tears that wouldn't come. With every day passing she lost more hope of his well being—this false hope brought her the last blow.

The door to her office was lightly knocked and opened, Hange looked over her shoulder to find Erwin.

"What did he say?" He asked with an uncharacteristic impatience.

The redhead pressed her lips into a thin line. She shook her head, her careworn expression conveying everything silently. She turned back to look out the window, leaving him behind her.

Erwin looked down at the floor. He sighed, then took one step inside before he raised his head to look at her.

"I think that concludes it. If we consider the option where Levi was ambushed and taken against his will, we could expect that those people had either a grudge against him or us, or wanted money. With three weeks passing, we can rule out the last option —If they'd wanted the money they would've long since let us know they had him and given us an amount to pay. That leaves us only with the first option, and with that, their goal would be solely to get rid of Levi. If that's the case, they would have no point in keeping him alive this long. To be reasonable, the most probable thing is that he is already–"

"Don't!" Hange felt the tears she'd been warned of blur her vision. None of what Erwin said was news to her, her logical pragmatic analytical pessimistic mind had pondered these exact same thoughts. She always pushed them back, then this man's late message ignited some hope, and now it was completely shattered, and those dark thoughts were all that remained. Hearing them come from Erwin served only as a confirmation of what she desperately wanted to shut her eyes on and deny.

"You were right, Hange. I shouldn't have sent him alone. I messed up, I lost us humanity's greatest asset because I took him for granted." Erwin spoke regretfully, a voice tone Hange never got to hear from him before. He sounded vulnerable like she’d never heard.

For some reason, she found her previous anger at him not taking the lead of her emotions at a moment like this. She was sad, pained, and still wanted to deny it. The reality of the situation burned her heart. Even if probability wasn't on their side, it was Levi they’re talking about! She still has a hard time processing that something like this could happen to him. Hange turned to her commander suddenly.

"No, we need to look more."

"Where?"

"I don't know, anywhere. Even if it means searching the area house by house." 

"I would if I could. The government wouldn't approve of that."

Letting out a shaky breath, Hange moved to settle in her desk chair, her eyes drying but her heart not feeling any less pained. 

"He can't be dead, Erwin. It's Levi — he cannot just be dead like that. We should raise the prize money."

"It is already so much and we raised it once before. Believe me, if anyone was in it for money they would've long since caved."

Hange gritted her teeth at her own helplessness. She hated not knowing what to do, the utter lack of information, the fact that they couldn't do anything. All that was left was her own dark thought and Erwin's confirmation. She closed her eyes on that regardless, trying to think of another idea...

With one month passing since the fall, Levi felt better all over. His body had always had an incredible ability to heal wounds, he didn't expect that it would transcend to reach his bones. The deeper ones still ached him if pressed, which he preferred not to test, but most of the ones on his back with fewer exceptions had been feeling way better.

Erdmann and Marcus moved him back into the little room once they realized he was becoming more independent. Erdmann ordered for the sofa to be sent with him there.

Levi was growing insane from being trapped in the tight space for days with nothing to do. He even finished reading all of the books Erdmann had brought to him despite not being a fan of reading. Only the daily injection brought him comfort with its little trip to heaven. He hated that he was falling for it headlong, awaiting for it everyday. He was losing control, a feeling that he utterly despised.

His foot tapped on the floor, he sighed, he glanced out the tiny window, the blue of the sky was vivid indicating a clear noon sun. They should've shown up here since morning, for an entire month they never skipped giving him his daily dose at that fixed hour after breakfast. Where the fuck were they?

Levi was growing restless. He walked around the room in circles despite that it still hurt around his left hip to step. Eventually, he placed his palms on the door and leaned against it, waiting, waiting, face looking down at the floor.

"Klaus." He called. The silent man didn't answer so he called again louder. "Klaus."

Levi heard some steps. "Yes."

"I need to go to the bathroom."

"Not yet. I can't let you out when alone, you need to wait for master to come."

"When will he?"

"I don't know."

With that, he heard him leave. Levi created a fist and punched the door lightly. He walked to the other side of the room and sat on the floor, ignoring the sofa at his side. He brought his hands to his face, feeling them shake. I can't let this affect me. He thought to himself, refusing that he was headlong falling into dependence.

He can't! The man who'd been clean his entire life, making water and tea his only preferred drinks, he never succumbed to drugs even in his worst days, even in the underground when it was brought straight to his nose. He found it pathetic to be so tied on to something, disgusting, he could not let himself drown to that.

The door opening brought him out of his train of thought. Levi raised his head fast, finding Erdmann and Marcus there.

"Good morning. Sorry for keeping you hungry, Miss Bauer had a matter to attend to." Erdmann stepped in with a soft look. “Klaus said you needed to use the bathroom, come on."

Levi looked at the hand Erdmann extended to him. He ignored it, standing from the ground with hardship by himself. He walked to the bathroom with them behind despite him not really needing to, it was only a pretense to pry about the unusual delay. He just washed his hands then walked out fast.

When they gave him food, he ate fast and left half. He was just waiting for his usual fix.

"That's all?" Erdmann asked, looking at the remaining food.

"Yeah." Levi just spat, feeling restless.

"Alright." The man stepped in. Grabbing the plate from the coffee table, he looked back at Levi who was sitting in a chair that laid in the place where the sofa once was. "Is there anything else you need?"

Levi looked at him back. He knew what he needed, but he was still having a hard time admitting that to himself, let alone to tell it to Erdmann.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, more books, a certain type of food."

Levi sighed and looked down. "I don't need your shit."

"Okay then." The blonde muttered. He took the dirty dishes to the sink. "Klaus, make sure to wash them now, I don't want the cabin stinking like the fish incident. Marcus, come on, let's go."

Levi's eyes shot up Marcus's way, who stood by a window. He turned to Levi with Erdman's order, a smile splitting his face before he walked him to his room. Marcus sent him yet another flashing smile and then locked the door.

Levi didn't understand what that could mean. First, this is the first time in one month that they leave without giving him the injection. Second, that injection he'd been fighting not to take, the one he took against his will for an entire month, now he was so disappointed that he didn't receive it.

He still fought not to let that feeling take over. He should be glad, now he gets an opportunity to clean his body up. But if these feelings continue to grow, will he still have the same convictions? He wondered, grasping the cushion underneath him tightly.

As the next hours dragged, Levi started to feel even more distressed. He was sweating profusely, which he attributed to the heat at first but confirmed that it's not when his entire body started falling downhill; his muscles began to ache along with every joint like he'd caught a bad flu, his broken bones stood out feeling like someone was knocking on them.

By dinner time, Marcus came back to the cabin alone.

"Need something else before I leave?" He grinned after gathering the dinner plates, glancing at the drenched bangs that stuck to the grey-eyed's forehead.

Despite his logic, Levi could not deny the disappointment he felt realizing that he wasn't going to get the injection again. That didn't mean that he was willing to cave. 

"No." He flatly replied, staring him dead in the eye.

That night, Levi could not taste a single second of sleep. It was awful. Everything in him ached, not a single inch was left not to. Craving the cold air, he lost his shirt, it left the white sheet on the sofa with a clear print of his sweat once he stood up. 

Levi was startled when around dawn, it felt too chilly he got back to his shirt. Then within fifteen minutes, he was covering himself under the cushions, body shivering with coldness, ignoring that they were in the middle of July. He was so cold it felt like his bones were ice, adding on his already horrible pain. 

For hours, Levi laid on the sofa restless, flexing every muscle in his body down to his toes before they relaxed in a convulsionary manner. Each one was exhausted, and each one of them hurt. He was so tired he couldn’t take it anymore. He'd seen many drug addicts suffering withdrawal in the underground, this was nothing like he'd seen before. This stuff these people used on him was on a different level, both in its effect and in its leaving.

When Marcus came the next morning, he was desperate for a fix, yet in the meantime he was stoic enough to take the pain and hope to get over it. He didn't want to submit to this. He couldn't allow himself to fall down to becoming like those underground junkies, when he had many responsibilities on his shoulders.

Out of everything Marcus had laid in front of him for breakfast, Levi couldn't eat anything nor had any appetite. He was confining himself in a corner, barely holding back his restless movements. It was the first time that he got food brought into his room instead of him going outside to eat on the table like usual.

As Marcus walked closer to pick up the untouched plate, he looked down at Levi with assessing browns.

"You know, Levi, there's no point hiding how you feel. I know it, so don't play tough. I could see it in your eyes right now the same way I’ve seen it countless of times before. I got some of the stuff with me, if only you'd put aside your little pride and ask for it, I will be obliged."

Sitting on the floor, Levi felt an intense wave pushing him towards saying yes. Please! But his brain had enough in it to very grudgingly make him turn his head to the other side, silently but arduously ignoring the offer.

It was only by hearing the steps that he knew Marcus had walked out of the room. Levi heard his voice talking to someone outside, he figured it was Klaus but was surprised to find it was Erdmann. It was the first time he came there without coming in to talk to him. 

"He's not ready yet. I am truly amazed! That fucker deserves every last bit of his title." Marcus said.

Levi sat still in the corner, keeping his thighs near his abdomen to conserve heat. He was so cold he could barely keep his teeth from clattering, that he was drenched from a previous heat wave was not helping. Everything ached in his body it was so hard not to run out and yell for them to inject him to make it fucking stop.

He was surprised when Marcus walked back inside with the syringe in hand. Levi’s eyes widened, feeling an intense blob form into his abdomen from anticipation. He shouldn't want this, he cannot allow himself to be like this, but fuck, it was so intense he couldn't look away. 

His eyes saw the drug only and everything else was a blur, he felt like he was on the verge of jumping on Marcus to grab it so he injected himself sooner.

"You know what, Levi, I've accounted for your special abilities. Seeing that you healed faster than others, and woke out of your drugged state faster than them, I stopped injecting you only after ensuring you took it ten days more than other people. And yet there you sit, denying this when by this time, it would've had these girls suck any man's dick to get their fix."

Suddenly getting reminded of what these men did and all the stakes he was jeopardizing, Levi looked away from the syringe. A hint of his senses came back once he met Marcus's browns, along with his malice. Levi jolted up, suddenly getting on his feet. Marcus was standing right in front of him when he threw himself at him with abhor, but Klaus was near and intervened and in his sluggish pained state, even a touch felt like a burn.

Erdmann bulged in next, pinning him to the floor with all the other men. Levi closed his eyes curling his toes again. It hurts everywhere. Feeling them gather on him, locking his arm in place, he tried to pull it weakly, but every inch in him wanted for the drug, he craved the ecstasy and wanted to stop the pain. Within a second, he got exactly what he needed.

"We should have him take it another two weeks and-..." That was the last he heard before his mind flew somewhere else that was warm…

Chapter Text

After a two-week delay due to financial problems, the Survey Corps' planned expedition was finally due tomorrow.

Everyone had put a lot of effort into the last training session before the big day. Mike worked especially hard, feeling a pressure rise in him with the lack of Levi. For four years, his friend never skipped an expedition, and he'd been the most reliable rock the Scouts stood upon. Now that he was not with them, the pressure fell on humanity's second strongest to do the job.

By the end of the session, he approached the special operations squad.

"That was very good. Levi has done well choosing the four of you." 

"Thank you!" Petra replied with a smile, a small blush forming on her cheeks.

"Ah, there's been a change of plans concerning your placements tomorrow. You'll be split between my squad and Dita's. Oluo and Gunther will join my team while Eld and Petra will be with his."

"That can't be!" Oluo rushed to counter, head shaking. "Our strength lies in working together; one to assist, one to attack. If you split us up it'll take away what makes us strong." 

"I know. I regret that happening too but we can't deny that having you all on the same team will create a disbalance. It would be unfair. You're all elite soldiers, your addition to any team would be a plus especially now with Levi's lack. This is only a temporary solution, once we come back from tomorrow's expedition the Commander said he's gonna have you work together under one of the squads."

"But we are squad Levi! He can't just dissolve us into another team. The captain will be back won't he?" Petra intervened, her previous soft expression turning into a firm look.

From looking at her, Mike glanced at the other men. He found the same hopeful, even certain look in their eyes, that their captain was coming back.

"I'm sorry, but there is no clue to point in that direction. It's been over a month with nothing, it's time that the Survey Corps moves on and-"

"No! It's Captain Levi, he will be back! You can't just disband us." Petra interrupted, her voice steady and way louder than it should, her honey eyes on the other hand looked on the verge of crying. 

"How could you even doubt that he would?" Gunther joined her sentence halfway.

Eld looked down to the floor. Though as hopeful as his comrades and having the utmost faith in his captain, he was reasonable enough to see that the month and a half that had passed were a hammer to that hope.

"Petra." He called, merely in fear of her getting in trouble for yelling at a superior.

Mike sighed, disregarding what Eld had sensed as disrespect. It was not so to him when he himself was having trouble accepting that fact. He was living in denial too, wishing to ignore every clue and believe Levi to be fine and coming back.

"I understand that you'd think that. I do. Everyone here is having trouble believing it. All I'm asking is to put your head in tomorrow's expedition, then we can deal with the rest later." 

Watching them from afar was Erwin. Seeing squad Levi's rage at Mike relaying his orders brought him to cross his arms defensively, as though shielding himself from something invisible.

Ever since Levi's disappearance reached the one month mark, he had never been himself. He felt immensely guilty, having brought him from the underground to lose his friends, only to convince him to continue to fight with them, and now to be indirectly responsible for his fading. His friend couldn't even enjoy a good life, having been burdened by a heavy responsibility of putting the entire weight of humanity on his shoulders. It was all too much. And now he was gone...

Not only that, but he lost a good friend, the pillar that executed every plan of his perfectly, the solver of half of his problems. Even tomorrow, it won't feel as safe going outside the walls without Levi. Every soul that would be lost could've been saved with him around, Erwin already felt terrible for what was to come, more corpses to add to his mountain, all under his direct responsibility. It felt like a huge empty gap that was created by the dark-haired that had nothing to fill it.

Erwin looked down at the mountain of corpses beneath his feet, Levi being on top of them now, but he couldn't look him in the eye.

"Commander." A soft voice brought him out of his dark thoughts.

Erwin turned to find Hange. They barely spoke to each other during the past weeks, she was fast to realize the danger of the situation from day one, fast to lay the responsibility on him, and he had no right to talk her out of it.

"Yes."

"We need you at full capacity tomorrow, so don't let regret eat on you. You couldn't have possibly known the outcome of sending him alone... it's what Levi would've said, wouldn't he?"

Erwin imagined the image of his friend again, this time better, not on a mountain of corpses. He nodded, though he knew his bad feelings were far from being over. He couldn't help a soft smile once he raised his eyes back to meet Hange, glad that she at least forgave him even when he couldn't forgive himself.

Walking up to her room, Hange encountered Levi's door to her left. She glanced at both sides of the hallway to ensure no one was around before she detoured to it. Hange placed her palms on the wood, resting her forehead on it. Her eyes warmed up and blurred, feeling a warning stream about to follow.

"Where the hell are you, Levi?" She whispered.

She needed to rest for tomorrow's expedition, but she couldn't when that thought would hunt her. Even if he were dead — which was heartbreaking—  she would just want to know it to be able to move on. She wanted to have something of him, even his shirt to bury and visit. But this situation they were stuck in, this, this was brutal.

As expected, Hange laid in her bed too unsettled, eyes staring out at the starry sky. Erwin tossed to the other side of his bed, no position able to hold him. Mike blew out the candle near his bed only when dawn was approaching. Petra had barely bothered staying in bed, spending the night on her chair like she'd seen her captain do countless times, now finally understanding why he did it.

It was merely putting two and two together for Levi; First he heard them say they'll make him take the drug another two weeks, then the days he'd been counting since reached precisely that, so tomorrow, chances are he won't be getting any. 

Just as he'd expected, Marcus showed up by morning only with food. He placed a plate on the floor of the little room then left without bringing Levi to eat outside like usual. He did the same during lunch, same during dinner, and then only the night remained. It was one hell of a night!

Levi leaned his back against the wooden door. Every bit of his muscles ached, every articulation throbbed, from his knees, to his elbows, to his shoulders, to his ankles, and down to each and every finger and toe. He was flushed with heat yet again, having discarded his shirt on the other side of the room. 

His muscles continued to spasm, hoping to find comfort that wouldn't come. He wanted to scream! It had been only a day, the night not even passed yet but he was feeling shredded.

Within a second, he knocked on the wood behind him thoughtlessly, sound echoing loud through the silence of the night. His legs kicked, continuously pushing him back as though to make his body go through the door to the outside.

No sound was heard, but he knocked again.

"Levi, it's the middle of the night. What do you want now?" 

"I need to go to the bathroom." He breathed, pain evident in his voice.

"You already know that I can't let you out unless Master or Marcus are around."

"I need to." Levi choked.

"I'm sorry, Levi." Klaus muttered.

While usually quiet and reserved, the thin man took a liking to Levi over time. He felt sorry for him having fallen broken, only to be built back up to experience this torture. The captain wasn't bad at all once he got to spend longer time with him, he had to keep him company twenty-four-seven for a month and a half after all, though granted, he was a cold stone in the presence of Erdmann and Marcus.

Just before Klause could reach his mattress in the living room corner, he heard another knock. 

"Please, please open the door."

The man felt conflicted. It was the first time he heard Levi this desperate since the day he fell off the window. Then again, he was far too aware of his strength. If he decided to do something, even if he wasn't yet at his full capacity, he would win him in an instant. Klaus was warned of it, and he wasn't to take the risk.

"I'm sorry Levi, but that is out of the question. You have a trash bin in there, go in it."

Levi raised his head to look at the ceiling. His scalp grazed the wood roughly, his eyes looked reddened from the lack of sleep and the pain. He didn't need the damn bathroom, he just wanted out to get the damn drug. How could this keep on growing worse? He thought it had reached its peak hours ago but it only grew worse. It went beyond the previous time he experienced this hell, it was nothing like he had ever known or experienced.

He knocked on the door again, losing his last bit of logic. He knew that Klaus wouldn't open, but he just craved the drug and was willing to break what stood in his way from getting it.

It was an awful night. The pain never stopped, it only kept on growing stronger until the light slanted through the small window. Levi kept his knocks, groaning with an unbearable spasm.

When he heard the main door open and the two usual men walk in, he scratched at the wood.

"Open up" He choked, almost crying.

About fifteen minutes passed before they did, it felt like an anguished eternity.

Marcus felt something blocking the door, when he exerted more force, he was surprised to find it was Levi sitting there, shirtless and drenched. Levi grabbed his leg as soon as he stepped in.

Marcus eyed Erdmann back with a silent message before he placed the plate in his hand on the floor. The two men stood behind him near the door. They looked worried, feeling like they were losing their grip on Levi now that he healed some more. The worry of that thought was evident in Erdmann and Klaus on the back, on Marcus, nothing but smugness showed.

Erdmann didn't want to make the situation worse by tying Levi up. He wasn't even sure their plan would work, would be less so if they treated the raven badly. He had a gun in case anything went wrong, which he didn't want to show for that same reason. Marcus on the other hand, having been the one responsible for drugging the women they used for their business, had all the assurance from a long experience that it would work. 

"What is it? D'you miss me?" He smirked, gaze moving from his locked leg to Levi.

Levi glared at him, yet his intended words got stuck in his throat. He will not ask this man to give him the drug. He will not let himself succumb to that nor give that fuck face the satisfaction. He suddenly let go, in a desperate attempt to get himself together. It seemed like every single time he lost his grip, that fucker's face would put some sense into him.

"There we go." Marcus said, walking out.

Levi wasn't interested in breakfast, realized Marcus once he walked in with lunch to find the plate untouched. He glanced at Levi, finding him laying on the sofa. He was shaking with his face buried in the backrest. Marcus couldn't tell whether it was the cold or the pain. He was satisfied regardless that this time he got to drop his act, it seemed like he was almost not present there with him. This time, Marcus just knew that soon he would cave.

It took until nighttime when he was having a cup of tea with Klause in the living room, for him to hear Levi knock on the door.

Levi was again drenched, disoriented, and not at all getting what was happening in life anymore. One moment he was flushed, the next he was cold, all moments he was in an intense pain that never gave him a break, one that only grew stronger. He couldn't even get a break by sleep. He was too exhausted yet everything kept on flexing against his will till he couldn't take it anymore.

"Open up." He choked, knocking again. "Open the fucking door."

"What is it, Levi? Want something?" Marcus asked, not flinching from his seat.

"You fucker." He scraped his forehead at the wood, still not wanting to say it but fuck, it was too much he couldn't take it.

Marcus turned ahead calmly, taking a sip of his beverage.

Levi knocked again, his fists tight in helplessness.

"I want the drug." He caved, helpless, drenched, fingernails passing along the wood, face distorted like he was crying silently but without a single tear.

"That so!" Marcus smiled. He put his cup on the table then stood up, glancing at Klaus. "I knew it's better if I waited. That concludes it then. Good night."

"You're not gonna give him some?" Asked Klaus.

"Don't be ridiculous."

Levi's eyes widened. "Wait, no, please." He knocked helplessly. "Please don't go." He called, unable to imagine having to spend another night in this torture.

He didn't have to imagine long because it was what he had to live, not only for the next night, but for the next two.

For two days, Marcus never came back, not even to bring him food. And Klaus never answered his calls he wasn't even sure he was in the cabin anymore.

Levi screamed into the cushions, and cried on the floor. Every single cell in his body seemed to have screamed with pain alongside him, not giving him a single break. He hadn't slept in days, he was restless, irritable, exhausted, yet continuously spasming and flexing. He was unbearably pained and endlessly tired.

By the fourth morning, Levi was flushed with heat again and found comfort in laying his naked back against the cold floor. His greys stared blankly at the roof. When Marcus opened the door, he couldn't even move from that position.

"Good morning, hope you slept well."

"You fucker...I will kill you." Levi breathed. He definitely wanted to, but found no energy in him to move.

Marcus stepped in towards him with a cocky sneer. He opened his mouth to say something but was surprised when his leg got grabbed by Levi suddenly. With a swift move, Levi stood up and grabbed his neck, hatred smoldering in his light eyes.

Erdmann walked in with terror, followed by Klaus.

"Don't come close!" Levi yelled at them with a dark expression, making them both halt in place. He didn't even know from where he got that sudden surge of energy when he was pained and exhausted. It was probably hatred that fueled it. He never did this before because he was still not fully healed and one punch in the wrong spot will have him fall to the ground instantly. At this moment, he just didn't care.

Erdmann stepped closer again and tried to get Levi's hand, but the dark-haired kicked him with his leg. If Levi were to be at full ability, that kick would've sent him propelled back into Klaus's arms, now it looked like any normal kick, which was not bad and did the job of making him stop, but still left Levi mad at the lack.

Marcus felt the pressure squeeze at him and cut the air entering his lungs. "I got 'it." He choked, bringing the syringe in his hand up for Levi to see.

Seeing the drug, Levi unconsciously loosened his grip. He still kept his hand on the taller man's neck, though his mind was all on the syringe. Marcus got caught in a coughing fit as Erdmann hid back the gun he was about to bring out.

"Listen Levi, the drug we gave you, it's a modified version that is stronger and longer lasting than anything anyone knows." Erdmann started from the side, holding his left side in pain. " No one has the the ability to create it within these walls except for us."

Levi's mouth was gaping and his eyes were wide on the syringe, he narrowed them once he turned to face Erdmann. He could sense that he was scared of him, and that he was not liking that it got to this.

"You see all the pain you've been feeling, it only grows worse and worse and won't ever stop unless you get a fix."

Levi's loose hands let go of Marcus. As he heard the man, his eyes continued to drift back to the syringe, distracted by the potential pleasure. 

"We're not planning to cut you short, we only did it now to let you experience what it is like to lack it. You have to understand, Levi, that I only did that to ensure your survival. I couldn't let you go knowing you'll tell on what you found out, but with this, you will have a reason to keep quiet. I'm sorry that it had to come to this, but if you accept, you can come to me every week for a supply."

"Otherwise, you know what awaits you-" Marcus stopped to cough again. "-If me or Erdmann are caught, you will be a crippled shit, a good for nothing, lying on the floor and begging for the pain to stop like you were yesterday."

The next thing Marcus knew was his face turned left, a plow to his jaw making his teeth crack he worried he' lost some.

"Fuck." He let out, clutching his face. This was the strongest punch he'd ever received. 

Erdmann looked worried as he followed Levi with his eyes. He watched him step towards the room's door, holding his head between his hands. This was the moment of truth, the one that defines whether their plan has worked and he would cave, or he'd have the strength to deny them and in that case there'll be no point to try anymore. Erdmann will have to bring out the gun and shoot him.

"It always gets bad after cutting drugs till it gets better. You're bullshitting me, I can get over this."

"I told you this one's special. Ever seen someone get like you while trying to get clean? You could try and find out, I'm not gonna stop you." Erdmann said, glancing at Marcus to put the syringe back into its box. 

Looking at it, Levi felt himself like melting wax.

"Well, just a heads up." Joined the tall dark-haired with a cough. "If the continuous pain didn't make you kill yourself, I'll have to do it for you. I can't have you walking out and running your mouth like a bitch."

With that, Marcus closed in to the door where Levi stood in an attempt to walk out. He knew that Levi could outstrengthen him, and Levi knew that he could too, but the shorter man just stood in place without moving nor leaving.

"What?" Marcus asked, already seeing he was about to crumble.

Levi opened his mouth to say something before he closed it, and then he raised his elbow crease up silently. Even if they were lying, his pain was only increasing he couldn't take it anymore. He was at a point where he stopped caring about everything, just wanted to end the pain and get what his body desperately craved.

It has never felt this satisfying for him to receive a dose like this one...

Chapter Text

One week had passed since the return of the Survey Corps from their expedition, it was their biggest failure in a long time. They lost more soldiers than usual, and whether it was a coincidence, the lack of Levi, or their spirit being brought down from the latter, no one could really tell.

At the end of their training session, most of the soldiers walked back to the barrack while some remained on the yard conversing. Eld and Oluo sat on a bench as Petra and Gunther stood in front of them, all immersed into listening to Petra's ODM story with interest.

A special presence coming in through the main gate caught the attention of every person who got to see it. Levi entered the yard with careful steps, his greys wandering around the building he so dearly have missed. He glanced his squad members sitting on a bench to the left where he detoured. 

Petra was still immersed in telling her story when the two sitting men's eyes drifted behind her, growing wide with utter shock. She trailed off and turned behind her to investigate, to find Captain Levi standing there in the flesh.

"Captain Levi! Where have you been? How could you scare us like thaaa—" Petra gaped.

Before she could even know it, her body jolted around so fast and thoughtlessly before her heels could follow. She lost control and was on the way to meeting the ground when the captain grabbed her. Petra's hands clutched to him in reflex. She blinked, finding his face so close to hers, her arms wrapped around him, his greys looking so mesmerizing from such a little distance.

A sudden heat rose inside of her as she rushed to gain back her stance, straightening her collar and looking down to the floor with what she thought was surely a blush.

She was so relieved to see him that she wished she could bring him into an even closer hug, but grudgingly she had to let go when she knew her captain would not appreciate it. Not to mention being in the middle of their training yard with her comrades around who already kept on accusing her of having a thing for him.

Still processing the moment, Levi forgot all he had to say. One could even say he was... embarrassed. He felt his cheeks heat up and really hoped that he wasn't blushing. He glanced at the other guys before he looked back at Petra then cleared his throat.

"It's a long story."

"Hey, can we get a part with you?" Eld asked Petra with a smile, who was blocking the men's view by standing right in front of their Captain.

Stepping to the side, Petra felt her cheeks flush even more. She'd just hugged the captain! She'd just hugged the captain! She could see Oluo harassing her about this for weeks to come, but it was completely worth it! She couldn't contain her happiness seeing him back and healthy. She couldn't help but scan his body from that position to make sure he was fine, before her eyes returned on his face. Petra could see that he'd lost some weight and that his dark circles looked darker than usual. He looked fine but too tired.

"It's great to see you again, Captain. We've all been so worried about you." Oluo rushed.

"Where have you been all this time?" Eld added.

"It's great to see you again too. Glad that you're all doing well, but we will talk about this later, I'm very tired now. " Came the confirmation of what Petra thought from Levi's own lips.

"Are you okay?" Gunther asked him, wanting to at least know that.

"Yeah, I'm good."

Levi continued crossing the yard. Once he reached the building's inner door, a rushing thing came out of there, running at full speed. It bumped into his body and almost crushed his still healing rib in the process had he not diminished the crash with reflex at the last second. It still barely saved him from the impact. Levi immediately knew who it was.

"Easy, soldier." He muttered.

Hange pulled her head back. Her wide browns looked at him, scanning his entire body in a second as though to make sure it was really him before she jolted forward and wrapped him in a tight hug.

"You're okay!" She almost cried. "Moblit told me you were here, I didn't believe him. I thought you were dead."

Once again he found himself caught in another hug, getting him nervous again. It was a feeling he didn't know he could experience much of. Hange was pressing on his rib painfully, but he held back a complaint.

"That's not a nice thing to say, four eyes."

She pulled back to look at his face. "I'm so glad you're back! Where the hell have you been?"

"I'll tell you once we sit down, it's a long story. Is Erwin in his office?"

"Yes. He hasn't been doing well since your disappearance. To be honest, no one has. I truly hope you have a good explanation for it Levi, otherwise you are getting hanged by all of us —which brings me, where the hell have you been?" She spoke as she walked alongside him towards their Commander's office.

"You just asked me that, and I just told you I will tell you when we sit."

"I asked you where, the answer would be a location, it would be made up of four words at most. You can't have me wait that long! Come on, Levi! You know how much I hate being promised something for later, tell me at least that so I can wait in peace."  

"Won't you have some mercy on me? I'm a weak man who'd just been through hell."

With her opened mouth hanging, Hange's eyebrows drew together in the middle. They were already at Erwin's office and she knew that he probably needed privacy with the commander. She stared at Levi closely before she grabbed him into yet an unasked-for hug. This time, though, he seemed to have awkwardly brought his arms up and wrapped them around her, tapping her back once in the process, but then pulling her in tenderly.

Levi was never the touchy guy. Hange —or anyone for that matter— never hugged him before. Sometimes, when he gets through a tough patch, she really wishes she could, but he wouldn't admit or show vulnerability for her to, and she had a feeling that he wouldn't appreciate it. Now, however, she just couldn't help it! Feeling how empty the gap behind him was, she may as well start hugging him even if he dislikes it. If he was willing to force her to take showers, she would force him to receive her hugs.

"I'll go get Mike." She finally told him.

Levi watched her trail as she ran, letting out a helpless sigh. He turned to the office door, knocking on it and waiting before he heard a low 'come in'.

When he opened the door, Erwin's blues widened, and he stood up from his seat immediately.

"Levi!"

"I hope you didn't give my room to another officer."

"Of course not!"

Levi took a step inside and closed the door, when he turned around, he found that his commander had crossed the way to him, apparently, demanding a hug too with those semi-extended arms. He couldn't even remember the last time he received a hug, what he got today made up for years.

Helpless, Levi sighed and smiled, opening his arms and accepting his friend's embrace.

"Are you okay?" Erwin asked him once they broke off.

"I'm fine."

"What happened? Where have you been all this time?"

"Can I tell that with Hange and Mike? I don't want to repeat the story."

At that moment, the office door was violently opened without even a knock. It bulged in, smacking Levi who stood behind it in the process. He scowled and groaned before his face relaxed at the sight of Mike and his clear shining eyes.

"Levi, you really are here!"

The taller man wasted no second, stepping forward and grabbing Levi in a tight embrace. He was so tall and engulfing it trapped the shorter man's arms. He wanted to say something about whether he was too short or Mike was too tall, but Mike was not willing to let go apparently.

"I think that's enough, Mike. We still need him to breathe." Erwin intervened with a smile.

Mike let go, looking down at his friend. "I'm so glad you're okay. We missed you, man. How could you do this to us? You better have a damn good explanation."

Levi smiled, letting his gaze pass from Mike, to Hange behind him, to Erwin, and back to the taller man. "It's so good to see you all." 

Hange knew something was weird about Levi's story since the first time he told it.

It all started when he went to find Erdmann in Trost. The manager of the western warehouse told him he would be coming to this office tomorrow at three. Not wanting to waste the trip, Levi went around the district in the hopes of finding proof of Erdmann's corruption to use as leverage. He looked around many places the man frequented without success, until he got led to a particular warehouse.

Levi headed there at once hoping to find what he looked for. He was surprised when after fifteen minutes of crossing the gate to the countryside of Wall Rose, three men started trailing behind him on horses. Black scarves wrapped around their faces, showing only their eyes.

He looked back ahead and continued his way but they mirrored every turn he took in the broad empty area. Eventually, he halted his horse and asked them what they wanted. Levi could barely feel threatened as they slowly created a circle around him, if they came any closer to him, he would have no trouble ending them.

One man started speaking, the next thing he knew something stung him on the neck, and then his body lost all power and fell off the horse blacked out.

He woke up in a storage room next. Having been sedated, it took him immense effort to get to the door to find it locked, and then he turned with hardship to the window, crawling his way to it. He shook with weakness as he elevated himself up to look at where he was. Levi poked his head out. He found everything blurry and swaying like a mirror maze, it was nighttime, and his eyes couldn't pick a single steady thing with clarity. He blinked and poked his head further forward. Feeling his body too heavy, the next thing he knew he was on his way to meet the ground one floor down. 

When he woke up, he was a mess. He had broken some bones and could barely move. He found himself laying on a bed with one of the masked men sitting next to him. He couldn't see his face but he sounded frightened as he explained to him that they never intended for this to happen and that Levi was not supposed to wake up until after half an hour. He told him that they held him in wanting to question him about the secret of his skills and power. They weren't buying that it was mere training after they read on paper claims of his abnormal ability to heal fast and digest alcohol. They wanted to know his secret and then let him go before a search for him could even begin.

But now, they cannot let him go! The Scouts will do anything to find and avenge them for breaking their best soldier. Eventually, they decided to keep him there and patch him up; if he was back to being well, they would let him go hoping he wouldn't tell on them, if he couldn't heal, well that part they didn't clear but Levi could tell what happened then.

For over a month, they kept him well-fed and well taken care of, all while they never took off their scarfs once in his presence. They bugged him about the origin of his power as he started getting better, but they tried nothing more than asking questions.

Once he healed, they drugged him again and he woke up to find himself in the same place he had been abducted with his horse tight in a nearby tree. 

Levi could not identify who the men were nor where he was trapped, and he didn't even want to press charges because they didn't hurt him and hadn't intended to make him stay that long, they were just scared and didn't know what to do. Then, either way, an investigation would lead them to nowhere with the lack of information, even Erwin's insistence on it was met by refusal.

"Would be a lot of paperwork and an utter waste of time." Levi argued.

All of that was okay at first, but the more days have passed since his come back, the more change Hange kept noticing in him. That he was sequestered in his room except for necessity at first she chalked up to him being tired and needing time alone to readjust from a horrible experience. That he would maintain that pace for three continuous weeks, coming out for work only and even skipping meals with her and Mike despite knowing how much they missed him —it was odd.

Levi was silent, reserved, his foul shielding mood worse than ever, drawn back, and never skipping a moment of free time except that he'd rush to spend it in his room alone.

"Levi, what's wrong? Talk to me." She told him once when she caught him entering his room by chance. He had ignored her knocks on his door twice before, that she stopped bothering him.

"What's wrong?" He asked her her own question, holding his door in hand and intending to make the conversation brief so he could close it.

"You're not yourself since you came back. Clearly, the experience you've been through was bad, but... I have a feeling there's more to it than what you told us, something is bothering you. If you want to talk to me about it, you know I'm here."

Levi avoided her caring eyes to look at the floor. "I am the same person. I just need some privacy, okay? I've been sharing a room with at least one of these men for over a month, I want to clear my head, and I need to be alone in order to do that."

He raised his eyes back up when he felt Hange's warm hand lay on his left shoulder.

"I'm sorry that that happened to you. Come to find me if you ever wanna talk."

Hange saw a hint of weakness in Levi's eyes, almost like he was going to crumble and tell her something, but it was very quickly lost to his usual emotionless stare. He nodded at her with appreciation then closed the door.

She knew something was wrong! She knew it even when she couldn't prove it! But here she got her confirmation when they went out on their next expedition one week later, and she found Levi turning from the strongest soldier on the way to their destination during the day, to a horrific mess at night. 

Hange gaped as she pulled his cape off. His body was drenched, his face pale as a sheet, and his lips had barely any color left. Dark circles under his eyes were reddened, and his bangs stuck to his forehead as if he’d had a bucket of water poured on him. Hange's face distorted with horror as her heart sank deep into her stomach.

"Levi, what the fuck!" 

Chapter Text

Once Levi woke up from the last dose Marcus injected him with, he got told about all that he'd missed, what the Scouts did to find him, both their prize and their desperation, he even got told the story to use to cover up his disappearance. It seemed like the two men had every last thing planned ahead. 

Part of him wanted to murder them on the spot, but considering the withdrawal hell he'd just been through, he couldn't help but hold back.

Before he left, he didn't keep quiet about the women. Knowing how hard it had been for his mother to endure that life, Levi couldn't accept them continuing their trafficking. That's why he told Erdmann to stop it and that he would be personally sending people to check this warehouse for suspicious activities.

Yet even with that stance, Levi still knew that Erdmann had him by the balls. He despised it! He had never submitted to anyone before, even when he was a helpless kid with not much of a chance, but the cravings the drug created in him were too much to resist, and the incapacitating pain it left him with was something he never wished to experience again. He couldn't let himself turn into a crippled mess —as Marcus called it— with humanity's future laying on his shoulders.

On the second week of his come back, Levi got surprised when he went to Erdmann for a stock, and the man told him to prevent the contract termination he was about to receive from the Survey Corps. It seemed like that bastard's rats were still deep and working within their ranks. 

"Who the Scouts do business with is not in my line of work."

"Everyone knows you're more than a captain there, Levi. I'm sure a little detail like that won't be hard for you to accomplish."

"You've been stealing from us!"

"But think of what I'm giving you back in return, I'd say it's a fair deal." The blonde rotated on his chair comfortably. "The Survey Corps is a winning deal that I don't want to lose, make sure that it remains as is."

Levi felt his blood boil at the commanding tone. He placed his hands on the desk, face frightening but not causing the man in front of him to flinch. "You fuck, I'm not doing that. What can you even do about it? Tell them that you're supplying me with drugs? If I fall down it means you're coming with me." 

"Of course not, Levi. But I can reduce the amount I give you per week. In that case, good luck with your remaining days without it."

Finding himself had by the balls again, Levi's breath hitched. He glared at Erdmann before he dug his foot into the desk with rage, making the entire thing slide forward to dive into the blonde's abdomen.  

Regardless, the heaven the drug sent him to later when he got to his room let him talk to Erwin tomorrow, convincing him to let the Sheena Group continue to supply them until they find the turncoats. "We can't allow having such people between us, let's find them first then we end it." That sounded reasonable to the Commander.

Levi feared something like this happening again. If he let them have such power over him, who knows what they may ask him to do next? Then again, if they get caught, he'll turn into nothing! And if he told the truth, he'd be dismissed from his position and sent to a military trial for drug use on top of being denied the substance.

Seeing no way out and that he was cornered like this for life made him grow desperate and depressed. He was even ashamed to look his friends in the eye when all he did was lie to them. He hoped that the next expedition would make him feel better. He surely missed the air outside the walls and with one month passing since his return, he was already fully healed.

Since his comeback, Levi started taking the drug at night instead of in the morning. He made sure work had ended first then took it when everyone would think he was asleep as it knocked him out cold. Usually, he felt cravings start when it neared that hour, but as the days passed, they started coming earlier, reaching the afternoon.

He started waking up from his high earlier than usual too. Remembering people in the underground needing more pills the longer they used, Levi contemplated more than once taking a higher dose or taking it twice. But he didn't have time to risk taking it during the day, nor did he want to sink deeper into the dependency even if it left him restless.

With the lack of funds the Survey Corps was currently suffering from, they didn't have enough resources to cross too long a distance or spend a long time outside the walls. To make up for that, Erwin decided that they should leave exceptionally before dawn, that way they could cross a long path before Titans even awaken, and then map some areas and come back by the afternoon and without exhausting many resources.

It all started too well. Levi was motivated after missing the last expedition, he slashed many Titans once the sun came up it left his comrades satisfied at the payback for their previous loss. It only started going downhill when the weather got worse, the rain growing thick and strong it brought him back the memory of the day he lost his friends.

With the bad vision and the smoke signals turning unfunctional, the Scouts barely escaped a herd of Titans they passed by. Erwin ordered for formations to be closed and for them to take shelter at a closeby building they had mapped on a previous expedition until the rain would stop.

It was already afternoon when they got to their destination. Soldiers gathered inside a great hall —the only area that remained erected within the ruins of the old building— while the other half remained outside to guard. 

Having taken his dose earlier than usual due to the mission starting too early, Levi was already starting to crave the drug. He stared up at the sky, wishing for the rain to stop soon... He needed his body at full capacity for the trip back and he wasn't sure he could have that if this continued.

Unfortunately, the weather only worsened. Levi's eyes widened when Erwin announced that they would be spending the night in this place despite the lack of supplies. His heart dropped to his stomach at the realization of what awaited him.

Everyone started rummaging through their backbags to find what to use to set up a place to rest. Levi was only thinking of what he would do with this unexpected turn of events.

When Erwin called the squad leaders to a spread map to plan the best route of getting home tomorrow while avoiding the herd of titans they encountered earlier, Levi could barely listen to a word he was saying. His body was present, his mind was elsewhere.

As soon as the meeting ended, he slipped away from his friends. He desperately needed to be alone but everyone was gathering in that same hall and the outside was as crowded.

Finding a proper spot between two statues, Levi knelt down, grabbed his backpack, and brought out a blanket. He laid it on the floor like everyone else. It was the middle of the evening, all the soldiers were still awake and conversing, he was feeling his body being shredded.

He decided to fake sleep hoping to contain it, what he didn't expect however, was that with the drug being taken for an additional period, withdrawals got even worse than before.

Levi covered himself with a spare cape from his backpack while the other one hung to dry. He turned into a tiny ball, leaving nothing to be seen of his body. 

He was scared, knowing exactly what was to come. He did not want to experience that hell again and was willing to do anything not to, but there was nothing he could do. He started getting a flash of heat and he'd almost cried at the memory. His pain grew, and soon the old spasms started. He could not even uncover himself to get some cold when all areas were filled with people.

He suddenly felt something lay on him. He took in a sharp breath.

"Levi, are you okay?" It was Erwin. He had already called him twice but he was too pulled into his mind to hear.

"Yes." He tried to keep his voice steady.

"You're usually the last person to go to sleep. Everyone is still awake and yet there you are."

"I'm conserving my energy." He told him, trying hard to hold back the spasm not to move. It was weird enough that he spoke to him from under a cape.

"Okay," Erwin muttered dissapointingly before he left.

Levi was pulled back into his mind, the more time passed the worse it got. How could anything feel this bad? He wanted to scream, but he could not. And then it struck him, how is he going to get back home with this pain? Everything fucking hurts! He cannot imagine being on a horse or using ODM in this state. His breaths shook as his hands tugged at his shirt, pulling it violently.

"Captain!" The soft voice of Petra passed unnoticed for many calls before Levi could pick it up.

"Hm."

"Were you sleeping? Elena from supplies happened to bring some extra crackers for in case, you should have some before sleeping."

"I'm good." 

"You're gonna stay without food till tomorrow?"

"I'm good." He repeated, voice choking yet too cold to have her stop her attempts.

Levi grasped at the sheet underneath him too tightly his hands shook. How can it get worse? Fuck! He cannot take this anymore! It hurt so much he would rather hit his head on the ground and lose consciousness. He wanted to yell, fuck, he wanted to cry... he cannot take this anymore!

He was cold again, it took an effort to prevent his teeth from cracking and making noises. Every last bone in his body felt like ice and he couldn't contain his shakes.

"Levi."

"Ngh." Startled, he flinched at the hand of Hange that suddenly laid on him.

"Wow, I didn't know it was so cold. Even with the rain, it's still a summer storm. Why are you shaking?"

Levi closed his eyes tightly, fighting a wave of spasms. His mind could barely think through the pain, yet he tried his best to prevent his body from convulsing in her presence.  

"Hey," Hange called when it took him long to answer. She tried to pull the cape that covered him but Levi held it to his face.

"Don't." He rushed.

Hange was confused for a second before she let out a teasing laugh. "What are you doing down there Levi? Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Shut the fuck up... Go away, I wanna be alone." 

Hearing the clear distress in her friend's voice, and his helpless attempt to hide it, Hange's smile disappeared at once, exchanged for a confused frown. "Are you okay?"

" 'M fine. Go away."

"Then why are you talking to me from under the cape?"

Levi should've known her, she'd always been so bold to do what no one dared to, and she never had a sense of boundaries when it came to him. His articulations were throbbing with pain, his grip weakened for a little relive, it was at that moment that Hange snatched the cape off of his face. Her eyes widened with horror and she gaped at his sight before her face twisted.

"Levi, what the fuck!"

"Stop!" He whispered, laying a helpless shaky hand on her mouth to prevent her from saying more with her loud tone.

He sat up, laying his head against the wall behind him, suffering another uncontrollable spasm. Levi looked at her helplessly, pain evident in his eyes even with his pathetic attempt to hide it. He could not tell her the truth! Not because she would tell on him, but because she wouldn't. It would drag her with him to the military court and lose her her job for keeping information from them.

" 'M sick. I got sick." He told her instead.

"You look like you've been poisoned!"

"I'm not... It will get better." He could see that his words did not take the horror away from her face.

"Levi, you cannot see how you're looking. I'm gonna fetch a doctor to check on you."

"No." He gripped her wrist tightly, his face looking helpless, eyes pleading. "Just please, trust me... Don't make a big deal out of it... I will be fine." His voice breaking and choking was not helping his case. Hange shook her head, face twisted.

"What's wrong with you? This is not normal. I know what sick looks like, Levi, and this is not it. You wouldn't be so insistent on hiding it if it were."

He looked at her for a while, giving in to his body's need and letting his teeth clatter before he regained control over them. 

"If I told you that I did something bad, will you tell on me?" He suddenly asked her.

"Of course not!"

"I don't wanna drag you there, Hange. So please... just pretend you didn't see this and go... Don't make me lie to you."

"...I can't do that." Hange looked like she was on the verge of crying. "Even if I do now, do you think you can travel back in this state? And do you think anyone will believe you that you caught a cold when you look like this? What is it, Levi? Tell me. I will accept whatever happens after at my responsibility, just let me help you."

No one would've believe him indeed, but when a scientist like Hange stated it, no one could argue. Levi told her everything. She stayed by him the entire night, cursing Erdmann for what he did to her friend that turned him into a total mess.

By morning, Levi was exhausted from all the spasms, he was in too much pain to manage walking a straight line. It was a sunny day after the storm when Mike helped get him behind Hange on her horse. He had offered to have him but the redhead insisted that she did, telling him they would need humanity's second strongest for protection on the way.

Erwin looked so worried when he saw Levi. He did fake steadiness, but his drenched greying face was nothing he had control over.

"Are you sure it's just a cold? Could he have eaten something bad?" He asked the scientist.

"They could sometimes get so bad, especially after yesterday's sudden storm." And she lied smoothly.

Despite hating to drag her into this, Levi found himself thankful once he wrapped his tired arms around Hange. His cheek laid on her back lethargically, eyes half-lidded. He was shaking, spasming, constantly moving. Sometimes he pressed his forehead too strongly into her neck, and then he'd turn to lay on his other cheek. He wasn't even aware of how much weight he placed on her, or how strongly he pressed his head into her skin when it felt too negligible to his pain. He wasn't aware that sometimes he was loudly whimpering and groaning. If it were anyone else with him, they would not buy that it was a cold. 

Feeling his hands that were on her abdomen tighten around her shirt, Hange could only imagine the amount of pain he felt. She brought her right hand from the horse's rein and cupped his cold fist tightly.

“It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.” She reassured him with a mutter.

"Are you feeling any better?" Erwin asked him once they reached HQ as Mike helped him down. Mike's arm on him fired his neurons he could barely swallow a scream.

" 'M good." Levi replied. But it was too much he could not take it anymore, it was too bad he couldn't even control his voice anymore.

"Let's get you to the medical ward."

"No." He put his arm forth, blocking Erwin's.

"Levi, you are getting worse. I'm afraid this is more serious than a mere cold."

"I know it, I've read about it before. It is a cold, and I think I know exactly how to help him. I will make him a concoction to drink and then he'll need to sleep, and he'll wake up better. Leave it to me, Erwin."

The commander nodded, already having too much on his plate. Mike went up with them and helped Levi to his room before Hange shamelessly kicked him out "to give him treatment, and then he'll need the rest."

As soon as Mike left, Levi got to his mattress and rushed to raise it. He brought out a black box from underneath it. His eyes were wide and his breath fastened as he took it before Hange's hand laid on his wrist.

"What are you doing? Are you gonna get another dose? You know you need to get rid of those, Levi. How long are you gonna be dependent on this and have that man control you? It's your chance now, play it for sick, three days and the worse will be behind you, one day is already behind."

Levi had enough of listening and was back to lift his mattress to bring out a vial. "I've spent three days without it... it only got worse."

"So what? Are you really gonna go on like this? You know it's wrong."

"I know... I just I c-... I can't!" He chocked, looking sweaty and desperate.

"Levi please, listen to me. Three days. I will take this and test it, we'll see what's to it. Maybe it takes a longer time to get over than other drugs. I've never seen anything like it before, it looks so sophisticated, but give me a chance."

Levi stopped and looked up at the ceiling. He knew his friend was right, but his pain clouded his judgment.

"...I can't." He told her, voice so broken like she'd never heard him be before.

Hange stood helpless as she watched him sit down and inject himself, before he fell unconscious on the bed. She was scared for a second, she'd never seen anyone go unconscious from drugs, but seeing the look of serenity on him, and hearing a satisfied hum, she knew he was fine. 

She took off his boots and then grabbed his legs up to place him in a good position on the bed. Hange looked into his wardrobe and changed his sweat-drenched shirt into a newer one. She lifted the mattress to the side next, gathered all the vials under it, put the syringe into its black box then tucked them all in her pocket before turning to leave for her room.

Chapter Text

Hange peered through her microscope again. It had been three hours since she obtained the drug from Levi's room, she spent them all between the library and the lab. She blinked and refocused her vision when she heard a sudden thud.

Pulling her head back, she found Levi standing by the lab's door, his shoulder leaning against the frame, his gaze fixed on her in silence. He looked much better now; no sweat covered his face, and the redness of blood was back to pinch his lips. Hange noticed he had changed into new clothes too, his hair still wet, indicating a recent shower. She turned from her microscope to face him fully.

"How are you feeling?" 

"Better." His voice was low, almost sheepish. "I went to find you in your room. Got told you were here."

"Yeah, I've been doing some research on this." She motioned to the vial on her work table. "I read a few books too."

Surprised by how quickly she managed to do that, Levi's eyebrows raised slightly. The Scouts had just returned from their expedition; it was a solemn time of rest. The unexpected night they spent with the lack of supplies had everyone hungry and exhausted that no one wandered the building except for them two.

"What did you find?"

"Nothing like this was ever described in the books I read —not yet, at least. But I'm curious about the syringe too, it doesn't look like any of the ones we usually see. I don't think it was made by any of the medical supply companies we know, but it doesn't look like amateur work either."

Levi looked down at the floor, his lips turning downward slightly. That only served to confirm to him what Erdmann told him. He did say that no one but them had the ability to create this drug. That he told the truth there only meant that what he told about the addiction being incurable had a bigger chance of turning out to be true.

"He said that it's a modified version of some drug." 

"That's what I thought too."

Levi looked at her back questionably. He found a warm, hopeful look radiating from her eyes. Hange went on.

"The symptoms you got with withdrawal were nothing like any known drug causes. However, out of the long list I read, two particular drugs stood out. The first causes pain in the joints and muscles accompanied by cramps, the second causes generalized pain too accompanied by slight fluctuations in body temperature. I don't know if this is true or not, but I'd say these two have the potential to be our culprit. I'll need some samples of both if I am to reach any conclusion, I'll have to compare them to this under the microscope."

Levi looked at her a moment longer, letting everything sink in slowly. How his twisted lips betrayed him made Hange's heart tighten. He did not deserve any of this. She wanted to hug him then and there for looking so uncharacteristically vulnerable and sad —if only she knew he would take it with grace.

"Where are we gonna get something like that?"

"Pay someone to get it for us?"

That sounded too risky for Levi, for one he was not gonna let Hange be in any way involved, and two, he was a known face in almost every district. He couldn't go around buying drugs.

"I guess I'll have to pay a visit to an old friend then." He concluded, a vivid image of black-toothed Dieter coming to his mind. He was a supplier he knew from the underground. Surely no one on the surface would know he bought from him. He did not wish to ever return to that place, but if there was a chance it would end this nightmare, he would do it.

"We should look into the origin of the syringe too, it may get us somewhere."

"It won't. He already said they're the only ones who create it, that includes the syringe too I suppose." Levi muttered, averting his gaze again.

He was ashamed that he couldn't hold himself together. He was weak and dependent. He betrayed the people who put faith in him by turning into this; all those comrades he had promised to carry their vision, all those helpless people within the walls who awaited some glimmer of hope, all those dead people he had promised to make their deaths meaningful... How could he do it in this state? He was not in control. And as much as he hated it, he hated to admit it.

"There is no reason for us to take his words as truth. He's a criminal, and a thief, so let us do this independently of what he told you. I'm hopeful about it, so just get me the substances and we'll see how it goes from there." Countered Hange.

Having left for Mitras after work, Levi was back by the late night. He headed to his room, deciding to hand the few pills he got to Hange in the morning. She would be asleep now.

He was restless for his injection, prepared to take it when his door got knocked. Levi raised his head from kneeling near the mattress at once.

"Levi, you in there?" The voice of Hange reached.

Clearing his throat, he yelled back. "Yes. Wait."

He got up from his position and walked to the door, glancing one last time toward the place where his drug laid as though silently promising it to come back.

"Hey!" Hange greeted him as she let herself in.

Levi felt sorry for how tired he made her; she stayed awake all night with him during the expedition, she pulled an all-nighter yesterday reading about drugs, and here she was still awake at this hour after a long work day. 

"Did you get it?" 

Levi nodded. "I thought I'd bring them to you tomorrow, figured you would be asleep."

"No, I'll check them now. I can't sleep either way, it would be spending time on that or a book."

Levi brought a tiny bag from the drawer of his nightstand and handed it to her. His eyes fixed on hers scrutinizingly as she grabbed it from him.

"You should get some sleep." He noted.

"I will... Can I stay here a moment?"

"Of course!" He told her, and although he meant it, he was restlessly waiting to get his fix.

Hange took a seat on the first chair to encounter her, she looked at him. 

"Do you usually take it around this hour?"

From his position, Levi turned to face his wardrobe. He looked uncomfortable to share such details despite acting casual, but Hange had that curious glint in her eyes, which only signified relentless insistence to follow. 

"Yes." He replied as he rummaged through his clothes for a change.

"When you get withdrawals, where does it hurt? Are there any particular areas?"

"Everywhere." Levi answered again, still avoiding her to set the clothes he had picked on the bed. Hange continued nonetheless.

"On a scale from one to ten, how much w—"

"Nine." —It was more, he preferred to say nine in hate of admitting how unbearable it felt. He'd had his share of pain before, but nothing felt like this.

"Shit." Hange moved in her chair uncomfortably, her eyebrows lifting in the middle. "...How long do you think you can handle staying without it? If Erdmann was bluffing, there's got to be a period before withdrawal signs start to fade."

Levi took a seat on his bed. He placed his elbows on his knees in thought. He could either continue his pathetic facade or be honest, he decided on the latter.

"I don't want to go through it again, Hange. Not even once."

Her sympathetic expression deepened further to his words. Hange's voice was low and careful as she went on, like she was treading on thin ice. "But we have to. You know that, Levi, right? We have to try that and see where it gets us."

He averted his gaze again, sad at his own weakness and patheticness. Hange couldn't help but feel her heart tighten at that look. And then, his tired voice reached.

"You got any idea how long?"

"Not yet, but once I compare it to these pills, I may be able to make a guess by correlation. I'll go see to it in the lab right now, if you're staying awake I'll come back to share what I find."

He looked at her again. "Don't rush it, Hanj. You need some rest too."

"I'm fine... -Will you? Be awake?"

Levi opened his mouth without saying anything. No, he will not. He cannot tell her why but she would know. He shook his head instead, bending it down in shame.

Hange could just see the amount of guilt, responsibility, and shame that burdened him. She stood up and walked forward, standing right in front of him with her head bent down.

"None of this is your fault, Levi. Don't feel responsible for it." She said, bringing out the syringe and vial box from her pocket and shoving them onto his chest. "This is only temporary, you know." 

Levi gaped lightly before his hand could hold them.

"I took some of it for my research so be mindful of the dosage." With that, she left.

Not wishing to risk drugs laying around the lab during the day, Levi had already taken it and the syringe back from her after their meeting in the lab yesterday. He wasn't even aware that she took them again. He may need a new hiding spot instead of the mattress, and while on that note he should warn the barracks spare keys keeper that whenever Hange comes to ask for his spare key —using their friendship as an excuse and claiming that he sent her for something while being away— he should not give it to her.

He'd long since lost hope of her having a sense of boundaries. Though as much as it irritated him, sometimes, he couldn't help but give up and accept it. It was so... Hange. 

Levi ran down the stairs to the yard. Everyone was already gathered in there to begin the training session merely a few hours after dawn. It seemed like he was late to earn a talk with Hange before it begins, the look she flashed him once she caught his eyes only made him more eager to.

Levi felt awful noticing the shadows that had formed beneath her browns. On the first training break, he strode to her squad and shamelessly borrowed her from them. He walked her to a corner, their voices but mere whispers.

"Found anything?"

"I did! There is an undeniable similarity in structure between the pills and Erdmann's drug. The difference is that the liquid has a way higher and more condensed concentration."

"That's great, so you found it!" Levi's face lit up for the first time in weeks. 

"Not quite. I don't have the technology to confirm that with certainty, there's no way I can do that through only a microscope."

"They looked similar, that's good enough."

"I guess, but that was meant only to rule them out in case they looked different, but it cannot confirm. I'm hopeful because they have the same effect and a similar structure, probability is on our side,  but to make sure it's really the same we'll have to take a risk. There's only one way we can find out-"

"What are you two doing here?" The voice of Mike roared from behind the two. Hange turned to face him, trying to look casual.

"Talking." 

"Something is going on between you too since we came back from the expedition. Now Levi, since returning from your adventure you've not been talking to anyone, and now suddenly you two are keeping together like two peas in a pod."

"Getting jealous, Miky?" Smiled Hange in an attempt to deteriorate the conversation.

"Nah, I'm happy you're okay." He still looked at Levi. "You know, you can talk to me too if you want to."

Levi nodded appreciatingly. 

"Guess that only shows who the better friend is." Hange smirked smugly.

That seemed to hurt Mike a little. Levi felt awkward, not really knowing how to fix this except for glaring at Hange on the side. His first instinct was to make a roasting comment, now, he found himself growing soft as he saw those dark circles on her that he was behind.

Mike sighed, regaining his serious tone. His gaze moved between the two.

"We should go out for dinner tomorrow. I miss having us all together. It'll be on me —unless Erwin agrees to come then he will be the one paying. He's worried about you too, Levi. You two had been once two peas in a pod too, he's missing having you by his side like that, whenever you feel like it." 

"I will talk to him." Levi muttered the same moment Hange smiled and announced how much she missed that too.

After Mike's interruption, the training, Levi's urgently needed paperwork, Hange's lab meeting, and a Shiganshina trip, Hange and Levi could finally reunite to finish their conversation.

He went to find her in her room as soon as he came back from Shiganshina. She opened the door with yet another book, and she pulled him inside immediately. Hange's voice was tired, her eyes careworn. 

"...Those pills' withdrawal symptoms usually peak around the second day of cutting them off, and then start to subside by the third to fourth day. Correlating that to the concentration of the liquid drug, it should take you around two weeks."

"Two weeks?!" Levi's greys widened, as surprised as horrified. 

"I don't have a concrete evidence but it's the best I can do with what I have. It may take a bit less, or maybe a bit more, I'm not sure if it has other substances in it too, it's what my calculations got me."

Levi shook his head in denial. He stepped back into the familiar room, unconsciously knowing a seat would be behind him. He sat there, swallowing hard as his greys lingered wide on some spot ahead, looking at something and at nothing. 

For once, his shielding cold and scary gaze was gone. Hange saw through him like a clear mirror. She saw vulnerability that shattered her heart. He looked sad, defeated, broken, and scared of ever having to repeat the expedition night's experience for even a moment. Maybe it was for that same reason that he kept hiding his gaze from her since.

Levi brought his elbows on his knees, head bent down to be shielded.

"Is there anything else we can do? To confirm that they are the same and that I'll be over it after that period ends." His voice was as honest as his eyes.

Hange stepped forward. She crouched down before him, feeling his pain plow into her. She tried to search his gaze, but all she could find were his bangs falling down and veiling his features. 

"I'm sorry Levi, but there's nothing out there to have us know that with certainty. Even if we do, the method it has been created with can make a difference and we don't know anything about that."

Levi's lips tightened. His breath hitched, growing louder, and then he nodded.

Hange felt herself back on that thin ice again, unsure of what to say. Her lips twisted downwards.

"Can you do it? I mean...I don't have to tell you that you have to."

She heard him swallow hard again, still unmoving from his position. 

He wanted to decline. Fuck, he cannot imagine having to take that torture for two weeks! If one day was hell, how intenser could it grow in two weeks? But Hange was right. He had to. He owed it to all of those lost souls, and to humanity. He owed it to himself, to free himself from that bastard's grip.

If only he was certain that this suffering would bring him a result. For all he knows he could bear it for nothing and then find that Erdmann was correct, and then, he won't have any other option left. That idea frightened him!

Looking up, Levi found a soft, hopeful look in Hange's eyes. He stared at her for a moment, deciding to trust her judgment.

Chapter Text

From her crouching position before him, Hange found Levi's face too close to her once he looked up. His eyes were mixed; determined yet hesitant, hopeful yet bleak. She could not decode what he had in mind with all of these contradictions, not until he nodded.

A breath of relief escaped her lips, one she hadn't realized she was holding. She knew that it would be incredibly hard, but she also knew it was the only way to test that merchant's claim. And despite lacking any concrete assurance that the two weeks would be enough, or that this would work at all, Hange was so hopeful that she felt certain it would!

Her right hand settled firmly on the dark-haired's shoulder, eyes burning with determination.

"You will get through this, Levi. I know it." Hange's tone was resolute, showing her complete trust in his ability. She rose to her feet next. "Come on, let's go."

With a sigh, Levi got to his feet lazily and followed her out to the corridor. Looking at her, he was once again thankful that he had let her know the truth, even when he regretted her worry, her exhaustion, and her potential to get into trouble.

"It's open." He muttered once she stopped by his room in wait for him to unlock the door.

Hange bulged in, walking straight to the mattress and raising it. Not finding anything there, she turned to Levi to find him raising an eyebrow.

"It's not there. I changed its place."

"Why? This was a good spot."

"Not as long as you knew about it, shitty glasses." Levi countered. He stepped towards his wardrobe, from which he brought out a familiar black box. Then, he turned to face Hange, staring steadily into her eyes as he extended his arm for her to grab it from him. Hange did.

"That's half the job done. Now all that's left is for us to wait."

Levi snorted at her messed-up math. He had many doubts and fears, but seeing the certainty and determination in her has made his hope grow. He'd always trusted her judgment and she never disappointed, there was no reason for him to stop now.

"Do you want me to stay here with you?"

"No, no just... go to your room, get some sleep."

Despite the hint of disappointment, or maybe it was worry, Hange was not ready to argue with him when he looked like this. She was tired and needed sleep, but that wasn't the reason she didn't insist, it was rather knowing that Levi wouldn't want her to be there in his weak moment. He never liked having that exposed. Even on the expedition, he remained hidden under a cape. Hange understood him there and didn't wish to impose herself over his will.

"What are you gonna do?" She asked him instead.

"Go on a walk."

"That sounds good. Come to find me if you need anything." She smiled softly. 

"...Hey, Hange." Watching her turn to the door, Levi called for her abruptly. It made her stop in her tracks, turning to look at him with questioning browns. Levi stared at her another moment before he went on."...Thank you."

It was a good distraction to wander around the building, better than being a prisoner to his thoughts anyway. But it was not going to last long. Levi was restless, impatient, and irritated. No place could hold him as he moved from one area to another. Pain was already throbbing around his articulations like the signs of a nasty flu. He ignored it and walked regardless, until his knees felt like they were about to cave beneath him.

It increased to reach his muscles next, then his entire body was engulfed with the familiar sensation. Levi rested on a wooden box, finally caving into his exhaustion. It was not bad yet, it was nothing compared to what comes next, he thought.

He didn't know how long he had wandered around, but when a flash of heat started to take over him, he knew it was time he went back to his room.

Levi took off his shirt as soon as he closed the door. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror to find a pale, sweaty, unsettled face. Merely his anticipation about the future had him turn into that color. He knew what was to come, he knew it all. His fingers ran through his dark hair, dampening with the routs of his hairline. 

Restlessly, he stepped towards the window, breathing in some deep breaths. If their old castle of a headquarter had any advantage, it would be the fresh air of the woods around it. It was nothing like the city's rotten air, a fact that Levi was always thankful for.

Fifteen minutes went by and Levi turned completely drenched. He sat down on the floor, his pants long since discarded. He stuck his bare back to the wall behind him, his bare legs spread in front of him on either side, all seeking the coolness of the stones. His pain had increased too, yet he still consoled himself by it being containable. He can handle this! He will handle this. Even if he felt too hot, it was still better than when he got the cold flashes.

As dawn closed, he was completely sprawled on the floor with his forearm covering his eyes. Barely any coldness could satisfy him despite his skin contact with the floor. Every part of him was aching unceasingly he could barely remain in the same position for ten seconds. Then, his abdomen contracted against his will, announcing the beginning of the spasms.

"Fuck." Levi muttered, face twisting at the unwelcomed guest. He moved his arm from his face to find that the blue of dawn had started to paint the sky. He groaned frustratingly at this shit of an existence.

Hange did not expect to be able to sleep with Levi on her mind, but having not slept for three days, she lost consciousness as soon as she rested her head on the pillow. 

She was fast to prepare herself in the morning. She rushed to Levi's room before heading to work, her heart pounding strongly inside her chest once she reached his door. Hange knocked without getting an answer. She turned the knob to find it open.

Pushing the door forward, she found her friend curled into a tight ball on the bed. It was summer, but he was covered in two blankets and a survey corps coat on top. Thoughtlessly, Hange's eyebrows went up in the middle, feeling awful for having spent the previous hours asleep while he was in here suffering.

"Levi." She muttered, stepping in closer. She could not see anything out of him, only that he was shaking, and occasionally spasming involuntarily.

"Ngh." He made out through one convulsive movement.

"Shit." Her fist tightened, despising her own helplessness again. "I'll get you my blankets."

Hange was fast to come back and spread them over her friend. She then moved to the other side of the bed where he was facing and kneeled by him.

"Is it better like this?"

Levi just nodded, face glistening with sweat, almost greyish. Hange could see his chin trying to contract and clatter as he resisted to keep it in place with hardship. His bangs stuck to his forehead and his lashes looked too dark like they were drenched too. A clear print of his sweat colored the pillow beneath him. Hange glanced over his body mountain, face twisting.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, pushing a strand on his forehead to the side. "It will all be over, just be patient."

"Yeah." Levi breathed, bringing the blanket up to cover his face from her.

"I'll send a sick note for you. But Levi, you should expect a visit from Mike and Erwin once they miss you in training. Your squad members too."

"I don't wanna see anyone." He choked, his voice tugging at her heart.

Hange could only imagine the amount of pain he was holding behind such a voice. She wanted to prevent him from what he didn't want —it was her part to do as he was there taking the pain— but she wasn't sure what to do.

"I-..." She paused and took in a breath, distracted by his pain. "-I can handle your squad, but Erwin and Mike, I don't see a way unless it'd seem suspicious and drag more attention to you. Let them come once now to see you, and then I'll know how to keep them away after. Can you do that?"

Levi remained quiet. He was drawn into his mind, feeling his bones as ice, and his body throbbing everywhere. For a moment, Hange thought he did not hear her question, until a muffled, choked 'Okay' reached her through the warm fabric.

Erwin and Mike were precisely on time as Hange had warned him. As soon as training ended, they were knocking on his door with their chatter preceding them.

Levi cursed, still suffering traces of the cold flash. It had subsided but his button shirt was not remotely enough to keep him warm. He had hidden the blankets, not wanting them found on his bed in the middle of the summer. His muscles ached with every step that he took towards the door, his knuckles throbbed with turning the knob. Fuck, he needed to get his shit together and erase this wince from his face.

Even with his faked impassiveness, his paleness gave him away.

"Oh, Levi!" Erwin frowned as soon as he caught his eye.

"Are you okay?" And Mike did not look any less disturbed.

"I'm fine, come in." He controlled his tone as well as he could muster.

Turning around, Levi swallowed. He stared at the chair ahead of him like it was an immense task to reach. He hoped not to stumble or encounter any obstacle that would prevent him from getting there.

Mike and Erwin exchanged glances behind him. The way their friend looked so pale like he was emptied of blood, along with the tinge of redness underneath his eyes was extremely concerning. He'd always had dark circles but never have they looked this deep before.

"What is wrong? You look like you did that day during the expedition. This is truly concerning, Levi. You're not the kind to get sick usually, never to this extent. And now within merely three days, this occurs twice. This is something serious." Erwin blabbered with concern.

"You did see a doctor, right?" Following behind him, Mike joined.

Levi finally reached the chair. He truly wanted to get his shit together until this visit ended, but his muscles spasmed suddenly and his trying to hold them back was too unbearable amid the pain. He could not say a single word as he resisted the contraction. 

"He did." Hange intervened from behind them.

"This has to be connected to last time's incident. It's not a cold Hange, is it?" Erwin asked, his eyes reading bullshit. 

"I didn't know you to doubt my diagnosis, Erwin."

"This does not look like a cold." Mike affirmed.

"Stop talking about me like I'm dead. I'm right here in this room, and it is a damn cold." All eyes turned back to Levi who couldn't help but subtly twitch in his place. "The doctor said that it's a harsh form that lasts long before it leaves the body. I was able to get over it by resting and strengthening my immunity before, once that shit goes down in cases of strain, the sickness gains back the upper hand."

Both men glanced at Hange who looked proud with the explanation she had already discussed with Levi. As the squad leader of the research team, she had the medical ward under her command. She already got him a written certificate from one of the doctors she trusted to describe precisely that —which was a real sickness, just that it causes reoccurring flu signs and not what Levi suffered from.  

"In short, Levi did not give his body the right amount of rest. He was back to work within a day of being sick and stressed himself by paperwork and work trips, so it got back again. You need to give him a break, Erwin."

"Sure, he can take however long he needs. It's him who never asks for off days, not me not giving him any. How long does this thing take to fully heal?"

"Typically, around three weeks."

"Three weeks!" Erwin's eyebrows raised.

"It's a long while, but I think we can do without him, don't you think, Erwin?" Mike asked.

Erwin thought for a moment, before opening his mouth with a reluctant reply. "I don't mind. I just think that Levi will." 

Levi was his right hand, always there by his side. The man barely took any days off. To work without him for that long would feel off, like that month and a half spent without him. Then again, Erwin acknowledged how hard those past months had been for his captain. He was abducted and broken. Yet even after coming back from hell, he never took the rest he deserved. Erwin figured that maybe it was due to that that his immunity weakened and he started contracting sickness like this. He was never himself since, both psychologically and physically. Straining himself at work straight after that experience was only due to backfire.

"His opinion doesn't matter. I'm not allowing him in the yard unless he's fully healed. It was due, to think about the hell he'd been through without taking a rest to process it." Mike asserted with confidence.

"I said stop talking about me like I'm dead. I can make my own decisions."

"Like hell you could. You're gonna take three weeks of rest whether you like it or not. You've been through hell, recognize that and chill." Mike was stern, not knowing that this was exactly where Hange and Levi had wanted this to go. He seemed too eager to apply that that even Erwin's reluctance was swallowed back. 

"Mike's right, Levi. You really need those weeks." Hange added. "You've more leave days in your account than any other soldier, it's about time you use some of them. I will kick you out of the yard as well if I see you coming to train, and no more paperwork will do you good and relieve some of your stress for your immunity to build back."

Levi closed his eyes. It was so hard for him to stay with them in the room with his body feeling shredded, even harder to fake being well. He still felt too cold, all negligible compared to the constant pain. Their voices sounded so irritating through all of that.

"You're all so damn annoying." He muttered, both in surrender and irritation.

Mike and Hange smiled. Erwin stared with concern.

"I don't mind being called that as long as you'll rest. The only downside is that our planned dinner for tonight is canceled. I chose a restaurant that serves the best tea in town —leaves coming straight from Mitras— when Erwin agreed to come."

"You were planning to make me pay?"

"Of course. We haven't celebrated Levi's return properly, he deserves something fancier."

"He does." Erwin laughed shortly at the taller man's plot before Hange intervened with the next words.

"Well, what he needs right now is rest. We've been here long enough, I think it's time we leave him be."

"So three weeks." Erwin turned back to Levi, the traces of his smile slowly fading the longer he looked his way. It was as though he wanted to get a confirmation. Like he was still doubting Levi to simply accept something like that. Levi remained quiet, eyes avoidant. With that silence confirming his approval, Erwin went on. "I'll fill the papers up for you."

It was nighttime again. Levi had missed yet another dose. His entire body was drenched as he curled up against the mattress, tugging harshly at his hair as though to pull his soul out of his head. His pain was growing, eating at him, searing through him, not sparing a single part intact. 

For over 48 hours he had not tasted a moment of rest. Every muscle contracted against his will, making him exhausted and stabbing through his pain. Levi dug his face deep into the pillow as his teeth clenched.

"Nghhh." A muffled, shaky voice escaped him. He was slowly losing his sanity he knew if it continued to grow any worse, he might as well be screaming for everyone to hear.

By morning, he was laying on his bed looking like an empty shell, eyes glassy, mouth hanging open, muscles alternating between their contractions, all feeling too drained, his mind was drained, his body was drained, everything throbbed, radiated, ached. A storm was roaring inside him as he laid down in submission.

Hange came by early as usual. Mistaking his exhausted state, she looked relieved to find him laying peacefully like that.

Since his return, she had never seen Levi wear anything but a button-up shirt despite the summer heat. Only now did she realize the reason when she found him shirtless; multiple purple marks covered his elbow creases, bearing witness to months of abuse. It did not suit her friend to look like that at all. She also noticed that the plate of food she had brought him for dinner was yet again left untouched.

"How are you feeling?"

Levi did not answer, only stared at the ceiling ahead.

"Levi?"

"...'M n't good... 'm not...fucking good." 

Hange swallowed, her face twisting. She reached down and took Levi's hand in hers, it tightened her heart to realize that even his fingers were not safe from the occasional spasms.

"You will get through this. We will, together." Hange shook her head, not knowing exactly how to help. And then... "-I'll go take the day off."

"No."

"I can't leave you like this."

"N-no." Levi repeated, pulling his hand away from hers and turning to curl on the other side of the bed. His voice was breaking her!

"Why are you pushing me away? You are being tortured by whatever shit this is causing you, so let me help you, please!"

"You already do... I don't need you babysitting me." 

Hange grasped the sheets where Levi was laying, plowing a tiny, frustrated punch into the mattress behind him.

Hange was at work merely with her body. All of her mind was on her friend. She was spacing out, when Mike approached her to ask if she wanted to accompany him and Erwin to visit Levi. Her eyebrows rose up.

"You're visiting him again? I thought Erwin gave him a three-week leave, you two are far from a rest."

"Hey, we're worried about him. He'd never looked so sick."

"I know, but it's nothing serious despite what it looks like. And you of all people know him best, Mike; he doesn't like people being around to watch him being weak."

"Yeah, but that's wrong."

"That's Levi."

Mike stared at her, measuring her words. She was right, Levi would not appreciate that.

"What are we supposed to do then? Watch him fade without doing anything?"

"He's gonna get better. All we can do is to let him rest. He'd been withdrawing from us since his comeback either way, take a hint. Once he settles his thoughts and heals his body, he will come around. But pushing ourselves will not help the case."

That sounded reasonable to Mike. It did not stop Erwin from going to visit him as he'd planned regardless.

His eyes widened as he found Levi's condition even worse than yesterday. It took him long to open the door, he looked disappointed upon seeing the blonde, and along with that, he looked like he was about to fall to the ground. 

"What in the world is happening to you?"

"I'm fine." Levi strained, pressing his weight against the door for steadiness. His hand shook on the knob behind him as he pressed on it to keep himself in place.

Erwin felt his heartbeats fasten at the sight. "You're not fine. You need to go see a doctor, Immediately!"

"I don't need that." Levi shook his head. Erwin could've sworn he had wobbled, so much that he brought his arms forward to protect him. 

"Levi, I have never seen anyone get sick like this. You're not even getting better. Look at you, you could barely stand." Levi grimaced like he was about to voice disapproval, but Erwin preempted him and continued. "-Alright. You don't want to come with me? I'll go bring one right here." 

Erwin turned to the side as soon as he finished his sentence. Levi could see that he was planning to do exactly as he had just told, he was going to impose on him something he didn't want, instead of leaving him the fuck alone. It made him angry, as he felt helpless to stop him. 

"I said I'm fine! What part of that do you not understand?"

It was already too late when Levi realized how loud his voice came, not until Erwin's mouth turned into a gape, blue eyes completely startled. Then it didn't take long for the greys to follow and widen. For a second, he could think of something else besides his pain. It was the first time he ever yelled at Erwin, and it was at the wrongest moment, when he was only trying to help. 

His once wide greys turned down to the floor, head slowly bending with shame. Levi's lips twisted downwards, voice coming too low and tired this time.  "...I'm sorry. I just want to be alone."

Just like that, he withdrew inside and closed the door, leaving the startled commander out.  

As night fell past his usual dose time again, Levi sat on his bed wrapped in every blanket he had. His teeth clattered loudly and his whole body shook.

Three days were the same period he had spent without the drug back in the cabin, but it was far worse now with the additional period he used; every pain was more amplified, every spasm was stronger, every heat wave had him wanting to throw himself in the river and every cold flash made him convinced he could never feel warm again.

He groaned, clenching his fists tightly around the blankets. His breath deepened, eyes widened sinisterly... everything fucking hurt... and then suddenly, he rose to his feet.  

An intense sense of the cold hit his fragile skin upon leaving the blankets. Levi could barely manage to keep himself steady with those throbbing knees and sore, exhausted thighs. Despite that, he stabilized himself by the wall and crossed his way to the door. 

His hand paused on the doorknob, shaking. Levi stared at it a moment, then pulled it back to his abdomen, holding it by his left hand as though to prevent it from acting against his own will. He cannot do that! He cannot! Even if it hurts so much! He had been contemplating these thoughts since yesterday but he could not simply let go of everything and cave in to the pain and cravings.

Levi wanted to return to bed, but couldn't bring himself to move. He glanced back at it, then at the door, then closed his eyes.

"Ngh." A particularly strong spasm handicapped him for a few seconds before he could open his greys again. His hands shook against the cold wall, barely keeping him from falling to the ground.

Who was he kidding? This argument was settled the moment he left his bed. Levi swung the door open, not even caring to close it behind. He kept a hand on the walls of the corridor as he walked to his destination, dark-eyed. He knocked on the door. Hange appeared with messy hair, giving away a failed attempt to sleep that her wakeful eyes cleared.

"I want it back." With full conviction, Levi announced. 

Chapter Text

Hange looked wide-eyed. For a moment, she wasn't sure she understood him right. "What?"

"I want it. I want it. Give it back." Levi repeated, body shaking, eyes moving restlessly on her, hands fidgeting without a rest. Everything in him seemed unsteady except for his voice —which was too firm and convinced.

"Come in, let us talk inside." She opened the door further to make some space. Seeing him stand in the same spot, Hange pulled him in herself, closing the door behind him. "Levi, you are stronger than this!" She had merely begun talking when he interrupted her.

"-No, this is pointless. I can't do this for two weeks. I can't. Give it."

"It has just been three days."

"It has not just been three days!"

The way he raised his voice, Hange knew that this was not her friend she was talking to. She flinched in reflex, swallowing hard at the cold gaze he sent her. It was the drug talking, he was irritated, she read about it in her books, he would do anything to get it back to relieve the pain and stop the craves. Levi lowered his voice, looking down with a shudder. It seemed like it took him a lot of self-control to gain back his calm.

"It's been three days of fucking hell. And now I want it back."

Looking at his entire body fidgeting, Hange could see the amount of pain he was in. She understood that. But there was something in his eyes, like he had his mind made up about this that no amount of convincing or logic would stop him. He looked like a starving man chasing his last morsel, desperate and unstoppable.

Her gaze moved between his greys, finding them wide with hunger. It was almost like his pain was forgotten as he came closer to getting what he wanted most. She needed to pour water on that fire, but how? And what if he didn't like her answer?

With her heart pounding, Hange kept her calm facade. 

"I don't have any." She lied, staring straight into his eyes.

"What?" Levi exclaimed.

"You hadn't left me with much to begin with, I used it in my research. I didn't think we'd need it."

Hange felt her heart shake as Levi continued staring into her soul. She knew exactly how good he was at seeing through lies. His eyes frightened her. He was always labeled as a scary man, but having never been at the receiving end of his wrath, she never saw it. Only now she did, as she held her stance, faking sureness and staring at him back for what she believed to be a good ten seconds that felt like an eternity.

Hange let out a breath as soon as he turned around. She watched him walk outside to the corridor, picking up his paces despite the shaky hand against the wall.

Levi was not even sure if Hange was telling the truth or not. He left her almost running, ignoring her one call of his name that echoed in the empty hallway. The sound of reason was so muffled inside his mind that it frightened him. He had an urge, an idea, to make sure that his friend told the truth. It felt like electricity running through him, frightening him to even think of such a thing that he ran.

He did leave her with only a small portion indeed. He was supposed to go to Erdmann tomorrow for a new supply, and here the sun came up after one hell of a night.

Levi couldn't contain it anymore. As soon as the time closed to 7 a.m. he put back a button shirt over his sweaty body. He glanced around for his pants before he grabbed a new pair from the wardrobe, not having the patience to find the others. Erdmann had promised him to be in Trost's west warehouse every Tuesday starting at 8 a.m, one hour should suffice for him to get there.

Along with these, Levi opted for a dark cloak. He felt too hot but he liked the cover that it granted.

Once he reached the door to leave, his knees caved suddenly, bringing him to kneel down with the pain. 

"Ghh... hmm... hmm." Levi grunted, face twisting with eyes closed. He had never reached this phase before -it was exactly like that fucker had described, only growing worse. If it were any of the known drugs, his pain should've started to subside by now.

He held the doorknob in his hand, face looking at the floor as he attempted to raise himself up. He was too weak with no food or sleep, only exhaustion from the spasms. Glancing at the healing marks in his elbow crease, he remembered what he was out to get. Levi pulled himself up, getting to a standing position with shaky limbs, his scalp scratching against the wood.

He opened the door to the corridor, hoping not to encounter anyone. Everyone should be at breakfast now, Hange will probably come back to seek him in a few minutes with the usual plate he won't eat from, so he better hurry.

Levi laid his hand against the wall. His bicep wobbled unsteadily, yet he pushed forward, against the pain, against every urge to scream as everything inside of him fired agonizingly. 

He was walking too slow, but by the time he reached the stable he was panting, a low whimper leaving his throat with every exhale. Levi slid with the wooden wall as soon as he reached his horse's stall, having no strength left, no resistance against the pain. He closed his eyes and laid his head against the wood behind him. He will just rest a bit.

Sitting down did not seem to recharge him, he was only being shredded by pain after pain and a spasm after a spasm. With wobbling arms, he pushed himself up, opening the door to the stall. 

The chatter of some approaching people was heard. Levi kneeled near his horse, closing the door on him not to be seen. It's too early for training, why are they here? He ran a hand through his hair, combing its wet strands back and away from his forehead in the hope of receiving some breeze.

Once the sound moved away, Levi straightened up and grabbed his horse's rein. His hand shook, muscles feeling battered and weak. Never had he expected that getting on his horse could once be this hard, but here he was atop on what might've been a tenth attempt.

Having lost his last bit of energy on that task, Levi surrendered, laying with his chest against his horse lethargically, cheeks pressed against its long neck. He closed his eyes, feeling so unwell.

He took in a few deep breaths. Still, not even a bit of energy grew into him. He only forced himself when he kicked the horse by his leg, too light it could've been ignored. He was thankful to feel him move forward. 

Everyone was gathered in the yard for the training session. It was hectic and noisy, something unlike Hange to stay away from, yet there she stood while keeping a distance from the loudest crowd.

She was worried. She knocked on Levi's door both first thing in the morning and after breakfast and didn't get an answer twice. He used to leave the door open for her in the mornings but not today. She wondered if he was mad at her for their conversation last night. She was already hating that he shut her off, but with this, it seemed like he went a step further. Hange vowed to not leave him once she found him back, which she would do as soon as this session was over.

The loud sounds slowly subsided as one of the cadets on watch duty rushed inside calling for the commander. Erwin motioned for the rest to lower their voices so he could hear what the young man with the distressed look on his face had to say.

"A man on a horse came by, he says he was hunting in the woods and found Captain Levi sick. His horse was with him."

Hange gaped. She could not wait to listen anymore, she guided her horse towards the main gate instead. A man was waiting there on a horse, his skin dark from long exposure to the sun, face distressed. 

"Where is he?" She asked him.

"Back in that direction. It looked like he fell off riding his horse. I tried to bring him with me but couldn't, but your headquarters was close by."

"I'll come with you." Hange rushed, her hands tightening against the rein, heart falling to her stomach. She didn't even take notice of Erwin, Mike and Levi's squad being behind her, nor of Erwin's order to Mike to join her and for the other members to get back to training.

The galloping of the horses filled the air as the hunter rode ahead, followed by Hange and then Mike behind.

"How is he?" Hange asked him, fearing the answer.

"He looked so sick." 

She closed her eyes to that. Hange felt like crying just riding the way and imagining the situation she would find her friend in. It made her vow again not to leave him.

It took about ten minutes till they reached an area where his horse stood by a tree, but no trace of Levi could be spotted. Only when they came too close to the horse that they found him there behind him, lying limply on his stomach, nothing but a tiny, weak ball.

"God, Levi." Hange uttered, the tears she had been battling turning her vision completely blurry.

Mike jumped from his horse before it could come to a full halt. He rushed to his friend, turning him around to take a look at his face. He was horrified!

Levi looked like blood was completely drained from him, his eyes could barely open, his hair drenched, his lips, white.

"God, what's happened to you?" Horror tainted Mike's usually composed face.

For a moment, it was too much. Levi was completely pulled into his own thoughts to care about anything outside. He couldn't care to answer, even if he could.

"Where the fuck were you going in this condition?" Mike added, before he went on with a yell, for once scared that he might actually lose him."Hey Hange!" 

Hange rushed their way as soon as she descended her horse. She didn't take notice of her tears that fell to settle on Levi as she tried to raise him to a better position and get a better look. 

"I think he'd been poisoned. We need to get him to a doctor." Mike whispered to her, he could swear his heart pounded too loud Hange could hear it.

"He-" Hange's voice broke with the tears, but she was interrupted by an index.

"-Don't you tell me it's a cold."

"I wasn't going to." Her voice broke again, tears flowing again. She did not wish for him to see a doctor, but seeing how out of it he was she couldn't help but fret. This was nothing she read about, it was uncharted territory and she was scared. 

Mike got to his feet and raised Levi with him. He was too small and weak, so unfittingly easy to manipulate for the strong man that he was. He couldn't help but feel him bonier than usual, like he hadn't been eating for a while. He asked the Hunter to help keep him steady on the horse as he climbed up behind him. 

Finding himself on Mike's horse, Levi let his entire weight fall against his friend's chest. He looked too small to him in comparison. He was continuously spasmin and moving it left the blonde growing both in question and fear.

"Levi, just please talk to me, tell me what you're feeling." Mike asked him, worry evident in his usually firm tone. "...At least say anything." His voice grew more desperate. Still, he got no response.

Hange noticed both their expressions clearly from her position on her horse as they made it back to HQ. Levi was scraping his head against Mike's chest, not even aware of the amount of pressure he was putting. Her hands tightened around the reins as she watched.

Once they reached the yard, they found that Erwin had ended the training session before the meant time. It was way less crowded than it had been when they left. Mike carefully brought the black-haired down for Hange to receive. He glanced at her, finding her tears had dried now turning into two traces of lines. A tinge of guilt filled his stomach for snapping at her earlier.

"Nghh." It was the first time that Levi says anything, it tightened both their hearts how desperate it sounded.

Coming down from his horse, Mike grabbed him back from Hange and lifted him in his arms like a child. It seemed like Levi was only then back with them, as he struggled between his arms weakly.

"Put me down." He chocked.

"I'm just gonna get you to the medical ward."

"No." He still struggled, and although too weak that Mike still had complete hold of him, the blonde let him have his way only out of respect.

Finding himself on the floor, Levi bent down, legs shaking beneath him. A strong arm of Mike kept him steady, snaking around his back to hold him from his other side.

"Levi you are so sick, you need to see a doctor."

" 'M fine." He wanted to cry.

"Like hell you are."

"I'm fine." He repeated more steadily, irritated, louder, he just wanted to be left the fuck alone.

They were all too slow as they followed his stubborn, weak paces. When they reached the inner door, Levi realized that Mike was turning him towards the medical ward regardless instead of leading him up the stairs to his room. 

"Take me to my room." He breathed. 

Still feeling his body convulsing, Mike was not planning to let him go in this state. He still pulled him in the medical ward's direction.  "There is no sense for you not seeing a doctor after this. You said it was strain, you've been resting, and now you look worse than ever."

"Stop." Levi's voice was weak, as weak as his negligible resistance compared to the taller man.

"I don't get you, Levi. Why are you so averse to this? It will only take a few minutes."

Feeling the drag overcome him, Levi snapped with panic. "I said fucking stop! Leave me the fuck alone." He was panting for the effort this took. It succeeded in making Mike halt, a startled expression painting his face before a disappointed one took over. 

Hange stepped forward. "I'll take him from here, Mike. Go report to Erwin, he's probably waiting for us."

Finding the weight lay on her, Hange came to the same realization about how Levi had lost weight. She walked him in silence a few steps away, too small and slow, before she could say a word once the corridor emptied.

"What the hell were you thinking going out like this? Where the hell were you going? Do you think Mike will let this be? What can I tell him when he'd seen you like this now?" 

Levi kept quiet, focusing on the immense task that walking was. His eyebrows drew together in the middle. He cannot recognize himself anymore! He was yelling at his friends left and right when they were trying to help him. There was a huge force of aggressiveness inside him, ready to snap at anyone, ready to do even more. It was scary that he couldn't control it.

"...I'm sorry." He didn't know anything else to say but this. Both Hange's worry and the bad position that obliged her to lie were on him. He had tried preventing her both, but here he dragged her with him selfishly.

Hearing that, Hange joined her lips into a thin line. Mike was supposed to be her problem to take care of and not Levi's. He already had enough to deal with. Her hand tightened around his shoulder before she fished into his pocket for the key. Hange unlocked the door to his room and guided him in. She vowed not to leave him again, and this time she will stay.

Chapter Text

Levi's paces were too slow, too sluggish. Hange felt his spasms and shakes reverberate through her bones as they walked the way. He was so far from the strong man he once was, and it hurt especially bad when she thought of the stark difference. She wished she could offer him more support on top of holding most of his weight against her.

When she finally laid him on his bed, he curled up immediately, gingerly turning to the other side with closed eyes. Hange watched him with her lips turning downward when the sound of rushing steps caught her attention. Turning to look at the door she'd left unlocked, she found Erwin and Mike.

It was no wonder they had arrived so quickly given how slow the walk up the stairs at Levi's pace had been. Hange sucked in a breath when she saw the man following behind them, it was Officer Braun from the medical ward. So they brought a doctor. Of course!

"How's he?" Erwin asked her, blue eyes fixated on Levi as he strode toward him without a slow down.

"Better than when we found him."

The four encircled the dark-haired. Erwin and Mike looked worried, Hange concerned but distracted, and the doctor wearing a subtle frown.

“Levi,” Mike called softly. Grey eyes remained closed. It wasn't clear whether he chose not to answer or was again lost in another place.

“What do you think, Doctor?” Eyeing the man beside him, Erwin asked. Hange could swear she'd never seen her commander look this obviously worried in her life.

Doctor Braun examined Levi's curled form. He leaned forward, placing a hand on his forehead. Hange knew that he was checking his body's temperature, she knew that he would find it normal, a slight bit on the colder side due to the clammy skin. She knew that he would notice Levi's unnaturally profuse sweating too, and with an infection ruled out by the normal temperature, his mind gears would begin to work. Her heartbeats quickened as he withdrew his hand, turning back to look at the six worried eyes in the room.

“I need to examine him further to give a proper account. If you’ll all excuse me?”

“Sure, take your time,” Erwin responded.

With that, Erwin turned to the side and led the others out before him. Closing the door behind him quietly, he walked to the wall across and back, head tilted down, shoulders slumped. His lips were pressed into a thin line, and a subtle tension in his jaw betrayed his anxiety about the answer they awaited.

Mike leaned against the wall to the left of Levi's door. He stared at a spot on the floor in silence, arms crossed, lips tightened.

Hange watched them from the side, feeling unnerved by their silence. After doubting her diagnosis for so long, it was ironic that they were quiet now of all times when they had brought a doctor to check its validity. It felt like the calm before the storm. She swallowed hard, hoping the doctor would overlook drug withdrawals as a potential cause.

Time dragged painfully slowly for her as she awaited the news that could potentially cost Levi his job and lead him to a military trial, all while she stood there helpless. She sighed, wiping some formed sweat drops from her forehead. When the door opened again, both she and Mike pushed themselves away from the wall and turned to face the doctor as Erwin joined them from across.

"Is he gonna be okay?"

"What is it, Doctor?"

The two blonds asked simultaneously. Their eyes were glued on the older man who didn't say a word until he ensured the door behind him was fully closed.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like this before. The closest I can think of is that he ingested a poisonous substance, but you mentioned that it occurred once before and then got better. It cannot be a case of low immunity either, as that wouldn't cause spasms of such high and uncontrolled intensity. I'm afraid that I cannot present you with any alternative to your already-formed theories yet, not without more data. Maybe if he wakes up and talks I can learn more from him. He didn't answer my questions when I asked him, but apart from the clear spasmodic movements, he seemed to be in a lot of pain. I would prefer if he is moved to the medical ward at once until we figure out what this is. It may be a risk for him to remain in here.”

Mike frowned, his mouth hanging open. Erwin felt the weight of it despite his more reserved expression. Their previous doubts were now confirmed, only deepening their concern.

"Ah, Mr. Braun, Levi has this special ability." The commander began with reservation, thinking twice before sharing the intimate detail. "He never gets drunk, and when he's hurt, he burns through painkillers as if he digested nothing. Could this have anything to do with his condition? Maybe someone is trying to make an attempt on his life. He could have burned through the substance before, but this time they tried again with a higher dosage?"

The doctor's eyebrows twitched. How could someone have such abilities? He had always believed it was a rumor when he read it in a newspaper. He was already aware of Captain Levi's prowess, but to transcend even further? He wouldn't have believed it had he not been staring at the dead serious, concerned expression on his commander's face.

"It could be a possibility. I cannot confirm anything now, not until I speak to him first. What I know is that his life may be at risk if he remains in this condition without improvement, and unless we find out what is causing it and neutralize it, we may lose him for good."

Mike turned around with those words, unable to hear more. He took three steps down the hallway where he stood and combed his hair back. He felt like he wanted to punch the wall near him broken. Hange felt danger creep inside her despite knowing what was behind this. Erdmann's words rang into her ears, sounding fairly similar to the doctor's. Only Erwin kept his poker face unbroken.

“Thank you, doctor. I’ll see to it that he gets hospitalized.” He muttered, his voice betraying him.

Soon as the doctor moved away from the door, Erwin turned the knob and got in, slamming it behind him before anyone could join. The two squad leaders knew better than to do that after the clear message.

Erwin strode to Levi's bed side.

"Goddammit Levi." He blurted, losing his control in a rare display. It wasn't like him to, but everything was heading toward shit, and he was losing his grasp, and Levi would not even comply to help them figure this out. The thought of losing him again sent a nauseating feeling into his gut. 

"Erwin." His name came almost as low as a breath.

Erwin's eyebrows shifted in response, from an angry angle to a soft relief. "Yes, Levi. I'm here."

"What did the doctor say?" He was choking.

"I...-nothing. He's not sure, we suspect you have been poisoned."

With hardship, Levi opened his eyes and turned his body around to lay on his back. His greys met Erwin's, contrasted by deep dark circles. He was still drenched, his face still lacked color, and his gaze, too pained and exhausted it had Erwin create fists in response.

"You wouldn't believe me when I tell you that I'm fine...but it is the truth... I'm just going through a hard phase...you understand?"

"Levi, it's looking way worse than that. The doctor says you need to be hospitalized."

Levi's hands grasped around the sheets as a newly formed wave of convulsions cut through his sharp pain. They became too intense for him to control now, too much it sent his entire abdomen up and away from the mattress. He looked back at Erwin with a shaky breath, but the commander preempted him to speak, already reading what he was going to say.

"If you're going to decline, I will make it an order." He said with a hint of sadness, eyes withered like he was feeling Levi's pain in him.

Levi stared at him in silence, his muscles still alternating with subtle movement.

"I told you I'm fine. I know it looks bad, but it's temporary...So please...just let me deal with this alone... I need some time. And then I'll be back...better than before." Levi choked out, eyes pained and begging.

Erwin could sense his resolution through all of that, still, he shook his head, not understanding. Every time Levi's voice shook, it felt like his heart was being stomped over. 

"Why are you insisting on that? How could you be so sure it's not something bad?" 

"Because I know what it is... you just have to trust me, Erwin... Can you?" The way he looked at him with such desperation did not help his case. He was suffering, it didn't require the trained eyes of the commander to see it. 

Erwin swallowed hard, torn between his mountain of concern and that simple but difficult request. He could not understand why Levi wouldn't confide in him if he truly knew what was wrong. He always did before. He wasn't even sure he could trust his reassurance. It was so hard to watch him suffer like this without being able to help, the risk it involved, the chance of losing him —it all raced through the blond's mind, urging him to intervene before it was too late.

His lips pressed tightly together, reflecting his frustration. It was then that he noticed how small Levi looked lying on the bed, and yet,  he was the greatest ally one could dream of, his right hand that never failed, the strongest spear, his loyal friend... Levi had always trusted him endlessly; it was only fair that he returned that trust now.

"...Thank you." Levi mouthed silently, his eyebrows twisting but slightly with subtle relief.

Walking out, Erwin found Mike and Hange standing behind the door in wait. Before either of them could speak, he preempted.

"Hange, my office. Now."

Levi opened his eyes weakly when he heard approaching footsteps. He found Mike by his bed.

"Where is Hange?" He asked in a faint voice.

"Erwin called her to his office."

Levi closed his eyes. This was exactly what he wanted to prevent; now Hange might be enduring an interrogation from Erwin, all because his useless body couldn't control itself.

"...-evi" He was brought back again to his name called by Mike. He opened his eyes again. "You know, you can talk to me too." With a hesitant, almost hurt expression, he muttered.

Levi stared at him a moment, grasping the sheets as though to prevent himself from physically slipping away. "I know... of course. I'm...ngh... I'm sorry."

Mike crouched down near him, his hands forming fists in response to Levi's groan. "Hey..."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."

"No harm done. I understand that you're feeling bad... I mean, I'm sorry I tried to forcibly drag you too. I just want you to get better."

"I will... I just need some time alone... Mike, please. I know what I have, and I just... hm... need time alone."

"We're just worried about you."

"I know... but give me that and I'll be better. P-please... trust me."

Mike tilted his head down, torn apart by seeing his friend like this. He couldn't help but nod in agreement, even though he didn't fully mean it. He just couldn't deny Levi now when he looked so vulnerable.

"Did Levi share with you what he has?" Without beating around the bush, Erwin asked Hange as soon as he settled in his office chair. 

Feeling her heart race, she looked at him back uncomfortably. "What do you mean, what he has?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

Hange knew when Erwin began to play mental chess, he always came out on top. But she wouldn't betray her friend's confidence unless Levi chose to reveal it himself.

"I'm sorry, I don't."

"Look, Hange. This entire situation began on the night of the expedition. Levi has been withdrawing from all of us since his return from his dreadful experience, but ever since that night, he has been talking to you frequently. I spoke with him, he said he knows what he's dealing with, and that I should trust him to get better. I promised him that I would, and I do intend to. But it would be easier knowing that you are there to take care of him. I'm not going to ask for details, I just need to know that you know it and that you are helping him."

Hange felt relieved that he decided to trust Levi and honor his will, she took a moment's thought before responding regardless.

"I don't know everything, Erwin, but I trust Levi too. He's letting me help, and that's what matters most to me now."

When Hange returned, she had a lunch plate in her hand. She placed it on the nightstand and then turned to her friend, who if not for the spasms, could have been mistaken for asleep.

"Levi." She called softly, moving his drenched bangs from his forehead upwards. "I bought you some lunch."

"Wha...what did Erwin say to you?"

"He said that he's gonna trust you, and asked if I know what you have and if I'm helping you so he could feel relieved. I relieved him."

Levi's expression relaxed slightly, a hint of peace settling over him. He was feeling angry and irritated at everyone, but having pushed them away only made those feelings grow. Right after yelling at Mike, he came to realize how stupid it was to deny his condition when he looked this pathetic. It felt better now that he got it all somehow fixed. 

"It's rice, today. You like that, don't you? Come on, Levi, you need to put something in your stomach. It's been four days."

"Leave it there, I will eat later."

"That's what you said every single time before I returned to an untouched plate."

He did not respond.

"Hey, maybe it'd get better if you got something nourishing. Levai, at this rate you'll die of starvation before the two weeks could even pass."

Levi would have laughed if he weren't to be so miserable. With all this pain, the idea of rest in death didn't seem so bad. "I'm not hungry."

"You don't have to be to open your mouth."

"Hange... leave it for later." He strained.

She raised her head up slightly. She was already looking for a reason to stay anyway.

"Alright. But I'm not leaving here until you eat something. So be it now, or later, I'm gonna stick by your head until you do. I know you wouldn't like that to last so long so the sooner you do that, the better."

Levi had barely any appetite. He winced as Hange helped him sit up against the bed rest. Maybe a few bites would ease his overwhelming weakness and exhaustion. He wanted to grab a spoon and feed himself but he was too much of a wreck, eventually surrendering to Hange's assistance. 

She had barely fed him three spoonfuls when he began to feel nauseous, but she begged him to accept more knowing he needed nourishment.

The least Hange had expected was that she'd be spending the next hour with Levi in the bathroom. His sweaty knees pressed against the cold floor, hands gripping the toilet seat as he retched bile. Hange stood behind him, forgetting that they were in the men's restroom enclosed in a small stall. She held back his clammy bangs between her hands, watching him collapse back to the ground as soon as the wave ended. She supported his back that laid against her limply, it would've met the ground had she not been there to hold him.

Levi's rest only lasted for a few moments, repeatedly infiltrated by his exhausted whimpers, until he attempted to get back to the toilet seat again. He did not find the strength, not until Hange pushed him forward. Levi hugged the toiled seat again, not sure there was even bile left in him to let out. 

Hange felt guilt wash over her having been behind his suffering. He had managed only six spoonfuls of food and it resulted in an entire hour of gut-wrenching spasms. She almost cried when she turned him around to leave; his clothes were soiled and his eyes had two streaks of tears tracing down from them. She couldn't tell whether they were from the strain of the contractions or if he actually cried through it. She preferred to believe it was the former. Her heart tightened either way, watching him bend his head down to hide it from her without success.  

Then again, this presented a new problem for them. If Levi couldn't keep down food, he wouldn't last two weeks. Doubt started infiltrating her mind as she contemplated Erdmann's words for the second time. It will only get worse, and worse, until what? Hange did not want to answer. In that case, she would very much prefer a dependent Levi by her side than a clean one who is not in this world anymore.

Hange eyed him with concern as she helped him out of his soiled shirt, hoping he wasn't drawing the same grim conclusions. It was still worth trying to put her theory to the test, and she will find a way to ensure it's doable. It was still probable that that corrupt piece of shit was lying, and the prize at the end of the tunnel seemed too tempting to let go.

Hange realized as she settled Levi back into bed with a clean shirt that he was beginning to shake —a sign of an impending cold wave. She could not imagine what he was feeling after that horrible hour, and now this. She watched him as he turned to the other side of the bed, clutching a pillow tightly and drawing it closer to his abdomen.

"...I can't take this anymore... P-please Hange...make it stop." Levi choked out, voice broken.

"You can, you can." She repeated, her voice trembling to harmonize with his. 

"If you still have it... -Please..." A drop glimmered at the corner of his closed eye as his entire face twisted beggingly. It was then that Hange got the answer to her previous question —those tears in the bathroom, they were not due to the strain. It shredded her! It broke her heart that she wished she could just leave the room and go cry outside away from this sight. Nevertheless, she had to stand there and see, and hear, and speak...

"I'm sorry, I don't." Her voice broke, eyes completely welled up.

"...Ahhhhh.." Levi screamed, so helpless it made her silent cries grow into sobs behind him. Hange knelt down and slipped her arm over his, placing her open palm against his chest and pulling him towards her.

"I know it hurts, I know." She murmured into his neck, tears streaming down her face to pool on his skin. "But you're strong. You can do this. You can do this..."

Chapter Text

Hange had lost track of time as she held Levi. 

Her fingers moved thoughtlessly over his shirt in a calming motion, her tears had stopped, and only her occasional sniffs cut through the silence. He was silent again, calmed, his hitched breaths had quietened and she was somehow warming his cold. Despite all that, she could tell that he was far from feeling better as he continued to spasm and shake increasingly. 

Slow and careful, she withdrew her arm from him and got to her feet. Hange glanced around the room for the blankets but they were not to be seen. She stepped towards the wardrobe next.

The usually neatly stacked shelves now looked so unfittingly messy, the blankets were carelessly bundled, and some clothes spilled over the edge at the top. She sighed, turning back her friend's way. Hange covered him up, adding a trench coat and the cloak she and Mike had found him in this morning on top.

Hange walked to the door with a heavy feeling. She swallowed as she stepped out into the corridor, meeting the last rays of the setting sun. It was time for dinner, but she didn’t care to go when she didn't feel hungry, nor did she wish to repeat the same mistake of feeding Levi. She turned to walk to the other side instead, where her room would be.

It crossed her mind that he had been drinking water, so maybe the mistake they made was having him eat something solid? Maybe if he only drank liquids, it would be easier for his stomach to absorb nutrients without the need to mechanically digest them? Maybe then his body would accept the nourishment without rejecting it? 

Rounding the corner, she caught Moblit knocking at her door with a hopeless expression. Such a coincidence, as she had just been thinking about sending him to town to buy her fruits so she could make some juice for Levi.

The young man’s face lit up as soon as he spotted her, and then, he was rushing her way.

“Squad Leader Hange! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you for hours!”

“What’s wrong?”  

“Commander Erwin told me you got the rest of the day off, but how could you disappear without informing me? You had a meeting with Mr. Schneider. He was livid! I could barely convince him to postpone and come back tomorrow. And-”

“Moblit.”

“-There are so many reports for you to review! The Estimate Report was supposed to be sent to the Military Police after lunch! I couldn’t have signed in your stead when you didn’t approve of it yet, so now we can expect a complaint letter and-”

“Moblit.” Hange called again, her extreme calm contrasting her subordinate’s freak out. “It’s nighttime now. What’s done is done, we’ll do the rest tomorrow.”

Hange felt bad for how exhausted he looked compensating for her absence. It reminded her of her position, too many delicate responsibilities that she couldn't easily and abruptly step away from and drop on others. It made her feel guilty for leaving him alone to deal with all of that —especially with someone who's a particular pain in the ass like Schneider from the Garrison— but she had understandably completely forgotten about that meeting. 

Letting out a deep breath, the younger man loosened up. He walked with Hange after she asked him to accompany her to her room. He extended his arm to find her putting a few coins into his palm. He looked up at her with confusion, and the next thing, she asked him to go to town tomorrow morning and buy her fruits. 

Moblit always knew his boss to be eccentric, he stopped questioning her weird requests long ago anyway. He nodded and turned around, eyebrows twisting as he thought about what she might be needing this for after having disappeared a day.

Left alone, Hange opened her wardrobe and raised a stack of bundled clothes. A familiar black box was placed there. She grabbed it, letting out a heavy breath. She couldn’t bring herself to move as she stared at it for a few seconds.

It was torturous for her to have been there with Levi. To watch him beg, and scream, and suffer, all while she lied to his face. It shredded her! She regretted ever having kept this in here. She was tortured by his pain as is, but hearing him beg her to make it stop all while she kept the remedy from him wracked her even deeper. She must be really heartless, having seen him contorting and spilling his guts out, crying, shaking, and still ignoring his request. It brought tears to her eyes now just having to remember the images. 

Then she thought if it felt this torturous to her to watch him suffer, what the hell could he be feeling?

Hange opened the door to her room and headed to the bathrooms. She walked into a stall, opened the vial, and spilled out the little quantity it still contained to the last drop. At least this way, she would be telling the truth next time. She may be a devil for going on with her plan, but she sensed that it would pay off, and she trusted her hunches to be right...almost always.

As much as she wanted to help her friend, Hange couldn’t help but feel discouraged as she walked back to his room. She was tired, and she couldn’t withstand watching him suffer again. Just turning the doorknob made her eyebrows twist and her eyes warm up.

Walking in, she found him curled up into a little ball, all trembling unsteadily. Hange didn’t know what to say, or what to do. Fists formed at her sides as she walked his way with sluggish paces.

“Levi?”

“...Hm...” Even though it was short, it still trembled.

“This will all be over. And then you will be fine. And that fucker will get the punishment he deserves.” She said, equally encouraging herself as him.

Hange went on to drag a chair that was set near the window across to the bed. She took a seat, looking at her friend with her lips turned downwards. His eyes were closed and even they kept on twitching among his shakes. Hange wasn’t sure whether she should rejoice that he didn’t push her out like usual, or be saddened that he lost the ability to. Either way, she was relieved she could spend the night near him.

It was a lucky day for the cadet on watch duty this morning. A smile plastered on his face as he rushed up the stairs to the officers' quarters, too excited to have gotten a chance to visit his hero's room and speak to him in person. 

That got unfortunately quickly faded once he knocked times and times again on the door, waiting patiently between each attempt, without getting a response. The boy turned around with a disappointed sigh when he heard some installed fidgeting, the knob was being clumsily handled, and then, the door opened. 

"What is it?" His hero appeared. 

The younger boy's face colored with horror. This was not the image he was expecting to see; Captain Levi looked so sick, bangs drenched on his forehead, face drained... For a second, he was so distracted by the sight he forgot what he was there to say.

"...I, -Sir, Captain Levi. Someone is here to see you, his name is Marcus Becker and says he's an old friend of yours. Should I send him in sir?"

Levi had stopped listening past the mention of that name. His eyes widened as his grip tightened around the doorknob.

"Yes." He breathed.

His eyes remained wide as he watched the young boy rush down the corridor. Levi licked his lips, a shaky breath escaping him as a sense of anticipation rose inside his stomach. Just remembering the sensation of getting injected by Marcus on those times in the cabin had him lose lucidity. 

He turned around, his eyes on the floor but not really seeing. All he could think of is the injection, and how much he hoped that fucker would have it. It was almost strange how every time he felt this sense grow in his stomach, he got too distracted from the pain and grew stronger, as though his body would serve him all the energy he needed merely and only for him to seek a fix.

Levi placed his hand on the wall as he walked the remaining steps toward a chair. He didn’t sense how much time had passed since he took a seat, his mind was fully distracted by thoughts of the drug instead. Only a small knock on the door brought him out of his daze.

He lifted his head fast, heartbeats fastening slightly. The young cadet was there to show the way, and he made space for Marcus to walk in before he closed the door.

Levi’s breath hitched as he caught the brown eyes with their usual cunning and mocking glint. A sly smirk played on the tall man's lips, reflecting his typical contemptuous demeanor. Marcus seemed almost happy to see him, Levi can't say he shared the feeling. He had never been around when Levi visited Erdman to get his dose, in fact, Levi hadn't seen him since their cabin days. Seeing him again now only served to remind him of how much he despised him.

"You've certainly grown a pair to have the guts to come to my quarters." Gaining back his lucid state, Levi started.

Marcus’s subtle smirk widened to a full display. He strolled to the middle of the room with confidence, as though he was moving into his own house. 

“Come on now, Levi. Don’t play it that way. We both know that I wouldn't be here if you didn't want me to be. It was you who told the watcher-boy to let me in. You could’ve told him that I’m not your friend, or that I’m a fraud. Or even better, that I had abducted you and reduced you to the crippled shit that you are right now. But you didn’t. You’re as ready to do anything for me as those girls are to suck dick.”

“You fucking piece of utter shit.” Levi breathed, hands curling tightly around the chair handles. If only he weren't fucking weak. If anyone were to win an award for getting so deeply on his nerves, it’d be this guy.

Marcus continued his slow pace to pause by the bed. He brought up the familiar leather bag from his hand and set it calmly on the mattress.

"You know, Erdmann thought it was a bad idea for you and I to meet. He thinks the chemistry between us is...bad. But one of us had to do it, and since he's a known face, it would be a bad idea to risk him wandering around the Scout's headquarters."

Marcus opened the bag as he spoke. Levi’s greys fixed wide on his hand, following his movement as though he was slowly hypnotizing him.

“But I think he’s wrong, Levi. Don’t you think? You and I have great chemistry. It’s so enjoyable to watch you get angry and make your empty threats when in reality, you really wouldn’t do shit. Right? You would do anything I say for one drop of this.” With that, Marcus brought out the familiar black box.

Levi’s lips parted, breath deepened to then leave him with a shake. Marcus could swear he watched his irises dilate at once.

“Hmph, as expected.” The tall man snorted.

For a moment, Levi was completely lost. But then he heard the little mocking laugh and moved his gaze up to find that confident, mocking, reducing gaze on the man he despised. A slight sense was back in his mind —like the strong hate he had for this man had awoken many times before. He tried to chase that light, resisting the urge to look down at the drug and keeping his gaze on the browns instead. Levi resisted a spasm, getting reminded of the sharp pain that infiltrated his body. He tried his best to sound steady.

“Who said I want it? I’m getting over it. I’ve cut it for a while and now I’ve been getting better. You two were lying pieces of shit.” He tried, hoping to extract any information through the little trick.

Marcus laughed again, looking too amused. 

“That’s a lie. You did cut it, but you are getting worse. There’s only one way that could go,” he said, opening the black box for Levi’s eyes to glue back on it,  “and it’s only for the worse.”

Marcus brought out a syringe, slowly connecting the needle to it as he watched Levi’s hungry gaze follow his movement. He couldn’t fake satiety —it never works when the feeling overwhelms. His long experience had him know when one is hooked merely from one glance into their eyes, Levi’s greys looked too hungry with long deprivation. That should make things easier.

Connecting the needle, he grabbed the vial that was set on the lower side of the box.

“So how long has this been going on exactly? Two days? Three? I know you had a failed attempt before on an expedition. Or maybe it wasn't an attempt, rather an accident because your stay beyond the walls came unexpected.”

Levi’s eyes widened again, returning to meet the browns. He found no amusement in Marcus anymore, his face was serious and stern.

“Don’t look so surprised, you already know of Erdmann’s birds. When he told us a hunter found you sick in the woods yesterday, it didn’t take a genius to know what happened. Not to mention you skipping your Trost rendez-vous.”

Having finished filling up the syringe, Marcus pushed the air outside of it painfully slowly, all the way until a drop appeared at the top. It glistened with the light, and it immediately reflected into Levi’s eyes as they glistened too with anticipation. Marcus could hear him swallow hard, causing him to smile again at that dumbfounded expression.

“You were trying to come to Trost then, weren’t you? But no worries, I got your back.” He continued, bringing the syringe down and taking a slow step to where Levi sat. “It’ll be just like the old days.”

Levi could only see the syringe as Marcus approached him. His lips hung open, breaths deepening, heartbeats quickening enough he could feel them in his throat.  The anticipation in his stomach was ready enough to push him forward to put it in his system at once. His pain was pushed to the background by the craves as he watched his salvation get closer.

Reaching before him, Marcus crouched down, moving his glance between Levi’s eyes to gauge the right moment for grabbing his arm. His big hand laid softly on the raven’s forearm. He couldn’t help but feel a hint of nervousness despite being fully confident that Levi was going to cave; this man had surprised him time and time before, whether with how fast he healed, or how long he resisted the urge to cave in. He couldn’t know if he’d surprise him again.

Levi swallowed hard again, raising his arm up slightly to straighten his elbow crease for Marcus. Marcus could hear his breath shake, and it assured him that he was under his spell. It truly excited him, that a man with such great power was under his complete control. Marcus grew more confident as he lowered the needle to meet Levi’s skin, finding a clear vein at the center, blue and lively as the scars of old use had started to heal. He was about to insert it, when Levi pulled his arm back suddenly.

Looking up, Marcus found Levi with closed eyes, his head slightly turned to the side. He looked so pained, like the self-control it required for him to pull away weighed as much as a mountain.

“No,…No.” Levi’s voice shook, growing more in strength with each repetition. He opened his eyes and turned back to Marcus, pushing his arm that held the syringe away with a shaky grip. “I’m not gonna take it.”

Meeting the browns he despised, Levi’s face contorted with the pain of what he had just given up, the same moment as his leg raised up and pushed Marcus away further.

Taken aback by the sudden movement, Marcus found himself thrown down on his back, the syringe slipping his hand to roll a few feet beside him.

Levi’s mouth gaped as he watched it roll. He rose up from his seat immediately, coming down to kneel on all fours and reach it. How could he think he could let this go? What the hell had gotten into him to almost cause this to get crushed and lose its precious content? He crawled to the syringe and grabbed it between his hands, too softly, too carefully, checking every side of it to make sure it was intact as though it was the most important thing in the world.

Levi felt too relieved to realize that it was. He stood up and walked with it to his bed, where he sat at the edge and drew it to his elbow crease. Marcus was forgotten as he sat on the floor watching him. At that moment, nothing existed in the room for Levi except him and the drug, the ecstasy that awaited him, and the ending of his pain. 

Levi found his hand too shaky, his spasms were lesser than usual, but his heartbeats were erratic. The needle kept on alternating between his vein and skin, not giving him a chance to push it. He tried to focus and settle it on top of the vein; it touched the skin. He adjusted and settled it again; this time, it landed precisely on top of the blue bulge. A smile spread across his lips as a sweet breath escaped his lungs, thumb ready on the piston when…

“Levi!”

Levi raised his head up to find Hange standing at his door, a glass of juice in her hand. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape as she took in the scene.

“Don’t!” She uttered.

Levi looked down at the syringe in his hand. One press and all of his pain and suffering would end. One press and the ecstasy he had so so so much missed would begin.

“Levi!” Hange called again, setting the glass she had on the ground and approaching him with a careful step. “It’s been five days, we’re almost halfway through. Don’t lose all of that progress now. Please. I know it’s been hell, but don’t let it get lost for nothing.”

Levi’s breath shook as his hand synchronized, the trembles grazed his skin to form a thin red line of blood. His heartbeats quickened further, feeling himself too close to reaching his craved target.

"Levi."

Hange's voice was closer, and it brought him back to reality. Levi closed his eyes tightly, feeling tormented. He was so close, and fuck, it hurts! And he needed it. He craved it with all of his beings! And it is right there next to his pulsating vein...

His eyes opened again, swallowing hard. He would inject it. He cannot return to that pain again, not after all these days, not for all of the upcoming days. Levi could see Hange close enough to be in his peripheral vision now, but he could not really see her with his mind on the drug. 

"It's wrong." It was the first time that her steady voice betrayed a hind of panic, but it quickly got back under control as she went on. "You know it. Please, Levi, set it aside. Let us talk it over, and if you still think it's better that you have it, then I won't stop you."

Levi's breath continued to shake. He remained stuck in that position, eyes on the needle connecting to his skin as Hange continued to approach him. She crouched before him, brown eyes fixed on his greys. Her hand softly cupped his.

Looking up at her, Levi found a stark difference between her browns and Marcus's. Hange's looked warm, loving, concerned,  like she was ready to do anything for his wellbeing. Her grip tightened a bit on him and she started pulling his hand along with the syringe that it held...but fuck, he cannot. Levi tightened his grip around the glass and pulled it back towards him.

"Levi." Hange called with the same worried, big-eyed look.

He was trying. He was really trying. "Fuck." He muttered, looking at her back with clear helplessness. He was trying to let go but he just couldn't.

Levi felt Hange's grip tighten around him again without pulling this time. She didn't say a word, only her big eyes, and her raised eyebrows, and her twisted mouth corners did. Looking at her for a moment with clear desperation, Levi loosened his grip, letting the syringe fall onto the mattress with a soft thud.

"Fuck." He said again, face contorted to reflect his turmoil, voice breaking slightly.

Without breaking eye contact, he felt Hange's hand twist around his to hold his palm, giving him a tight squeeze as her free hand reached to grab the syringe. 

After witnessing his torment and clear hesitation, Hange stood up. She glanced around to find that the man she had left on the ground earlier was not there anymore. She left the room with hurried steps before Levi could change his mind. As she glanced over her shoulder a last time, she saw him fall back on the mattress, covering his face with both hands and almost scratching it as he ran his fingers from his hairline down to his jaw aggressively.

Chapter Text

Hange continued her steps to the women's bathroom. She got into a stall and squeezed the little content of the syringe down the toilet. It was such little quantity, yet enough to bring a man with Levi's might to his knees. She was still curious to know what it was, but there was no point in doing any more research when she had no means of knowing more unless Levi awaited the two weeks to pass and started to get better.

When she returned to his room, she found him in the same position she had left him in; back against the mattress, feet planted on the floor, forearm covering his eyes and leaving a space for Hange to glimpse his slightly downturned lips.

Hange grabbed the mug she had left by the door on her way in. She stepped inside, slow and silent. Her eyes grew wide when she noticed the open black box set on the mattress behind Levi's head, it had an almost full vial in it. Had he moved after her leaving, he would've definitely seen and grabbed it! 

She continued walking in silence, keeping her eyes on Levi. Her heartbeats grew wild as she extended an arm to grab the box. Hange tucked it into her inside pocket, making sure it was concealed before she turned to the still unmoving dark-haired.

"I know how hard that was for you to do. It takes great strength to be able to, which I already knew you had. You made the right choice, Levi." 

Levi did not feel like it was right as pain throbbed stronger in him by the second. His short high had pushed it to the back earlier, but now that that hope was lost only the pain remained. Along with that, an awful feeling installed in him, one of great melancholy that followed a crash from a high. He felt too sad at having lost the drug, like he was standing at the bottom of a long inescapable pit. It felt hopeless and debilitating.

"I made you some juice." The voice of Hange rose again amid his turmoil. 

"I don't want to eat." Without moving still, he answered her.

"I promise it'll be different than the last time. This is easier to digest, just like the water you’ve been drinking. It’s hot outside, it will be spoiled if you don't drink it now.”

Levi remained silent.

“I know that it might not help with the pain, but you still need it to survive. It would help with the lethargy to have something nourishing.”

Levi brought his arm down, exposing his eyes. He wanted to get up from the position he was stuck in but measured his energy to be insufficient. He glanced at Hange, deciding not to ask her, then looked at the ceiling as though remaining like that was his own choice.

“Okay.” He muttered without making eye contact, feeling both ashamed and drowned in the new dark and gripping feeling. If only it would help with the damn weakness.

"Great." Hange smiled, happy with his acceptance.

Swiftly, she placed the mug on the nightstand and moved forward to help him up. Levi was thankful that she did that unasked, at least he didn’t need to express out loud how much of a useless piece of shit he was. 

Two minutes later and Levi found himself settled in bed, back against the bedrest. 

“I can do 't.” He strained as he grabbed the mug that Hange approached to his lips. He was in pain but his spasms were still calmer than usual after the last encounter.

Levi drank with hardship. He felt his stomach overfull, about to spill everything out despite it being merely the second sip. He forced as many sips as he could down, hands shaking the mug in the process. It took a long time with all the pauses in between, and then he pushed the mug to Hange.

Despite all that time, Hange found a third of it still full. But she didn't dare insist that he drink more after what happened the last time, she was just glad he had managed that much.

Levi remained sat to keep the drink down. He was feeling too nauseous. His gut spasmed occasionally, each time feeling like it was being shredded from the inside.

“Hmm.” He placed a hand to cover his lips.

Hange quickly approached to him a small box that she had prepared in case an accident happened, but the feeling calmed again. She looked so worried as she watched him get too pale. She didn’t know he could get any paler than he was, but there he was turning as white as a sheet.

It took half an hour for Levi's guts to start calming down, during which he did not throw up. Only then did Hange know that the juice had passed. She felt so relieved as she squeezed his fingers, sending him a warm encouraging smile. That quickly disappeared to a particular thought.

“Oh shit! I have a meeting with Schneider. If I don’t show up, Moblit will understandably quit his position as my aid.”

“Y-eah go.”

Left alone, Levi’s gut spasms continued to subside, but every muscle fiber on his body was growing more and more restless. His heat wave grew a lot worse too. He hadn’t showered in almost a week except in his own sweat —which had him feel disgusted. He could very much use some cold water right now to stop this heat that was driving him insane.

Maybe the juice had worked since he got enough strength to leave the bed, though granted, with hardship. Levi wobbled his way to the wardrobe where he grabbed some towels and clothes carelessly, he turned to the door and crossed his way to the showers with a shaky arm on the wall beside him. 

It took him long to get there, and it took him a lot of energy. Levi sat with his back against the wall, legs stretched before him on either side. He was still in pain, but he couldn’t deny a satisfied hum that escaped him once the cold water fell on him, dulling the burning heat. 

The showers were empty on this hour of a work day. Moblit went in exceptionally after having a lab substance spill on him accidentally. He found one of the shower stalls' water running and wondered if it was someone else who had suffered a similar accident. 

On his way out, he frowned to find the water still running. It crossed his mind that someone had left the faucet on, otherwise they would’ve been done with their shower before him. Moblit approached the door to investigate. He knocked lightly.

“Is there someone in here?”

Receiving no answer, he knocked again, aiming to walk in and turn the faucet off when...

“G-go away.” Levi’s distinct voice reached from behind, too weak and feeble. It caused the young man to frown in response.

Going back to find his superior who was just done with her meeting, he rushed to tell her. “Squad leader, is Captain Levi still sick from that time the hunter found him in the forest?”

“A bit. Why?”

“I just encountered him in the showers. He was in a stall with running water that didn’t stop at all. I thought someone had left the faucet running so I knocked. He told me to go away, but he sounded so sick. I’m worried that something happened to him.”

Hange’s eyes widened before she got ahold of herself.

“Thank you, Moblit. The Schneider meeting is done, gather all of the reports that need reviewing and put them on the lab’s desk for me.”

With that, Hange rushed up to the officer's quarters. She grabbed Mike on her way up and explained to him what happened —if worse came to worse and they needed to bring out Levi naked, she knew that he would feel bad about it, but having Mike do it would be the least uncomfortable for him.

Nock nock nock…

“Levi.” Mike called with his steady voice.

Nock nock nock…

No answer reached them except for the sound of running water. With a quickly shared glance, both faces paled at the realization before Mike opened the door and walked in.

Down on the floor, he found his friend laying on his side with his knees brought up to his chest. He was nothing but a tiny ball that horrified Mike upon laying eyes on it. He threw the towel he had snached from the door on him to cover his decency before he turned off the faucet and kneeled near him.

“Levi, answer me.”

Levi could not do anything but listen. Everything hurt, and he found no energy to move even a slight bit. He had wanted to stop the water earlier but he had started to slowly slip to the side of the wall until he found himself on the floor. Pain crippled him and the spasms eventually curled him into this form.He could not even think or interpret what was being said beside him.

“Levi.” Hange called from the back, not spending a thought on the fact that she was in the men’s showers.

Without waiting long, Mike lifted him in his arms like a child. He felt the water drip down off of Levi and onto his shirt, but he couldn’t care less. Turning around, he found Hange there with the second towel that she used to cover Levi from head to feet against Mike's chest.  A train of curses skipped her lips as Mike rushed him out to the corridor, only then realizing that he was taking the opposite path. Hange was fast to deduce where he was heading. She pulled the blonde by the back of his shirt.

“No, to his room.” 

“Hange.”

“They cannot help him!” Hange blurted, her eyes looking desperate. She didn't know any other way to stop him with that sureness in his blues.   

Mike let out a breath. He thought for a second before he turned back to the other direction. 

“I will do as you say, but you are explaining to me what the fuck is going on, Hanj.”

Reaching in, Mike put Levi on the bed with the big towel underneath him and the other laying loosely on top. Hange raised a bed sheet to cover him to the shoulder. She hoped that Mike amid his concern had skipped the traces on Levi's elbow creases, they looked way lighter now as he was fast to heal.

“Levi.” She called with a shaky voice. His hair was dripping as she pushed it gently to the side.

“Hmm.” A weak sound escaped him before his greys opened slowly.

Hange brought her face above him. “Are you okay?”

Levi stared at her with half-lidded eyes. He found a worried expression contorting her face. He was such a useless piece of shit to cause her to be this worried over him. At that moment he took notice of Mike’s presence behind her with an equally concerned look. Useless good for nothing piece of shit. 

“ 'M fine.” He breathed to assure them, feeling so hot.

Why was this sheet on top of him? It’s suffocating him. Levi raised a hand and pushed the sheet down for some air. Hange who just stood to her feet with relief bulged forward at the same moment as Mike did, she was the closest to hold Levi’s hand.

“Don’t. You’re-you’re naked. Just wait.”

She walked to the wardrobe with heating cheeks as Levi turned back to look at Mike, trying to recall what happened. He found him staring after Hange.

“Care to explain?” Mike asked with resolve.

“This looks very similar to when we found him in the woods, both times he stopped responding to us and then was back. The only common point I can think of is that he strained himself, I think it has something to do with Levi exerting effort." Hange reasoned as she rummaged through the wardrobe. It was the same model she had in her room, making her mission easier. 

Grabbing something dark, she was back to face the two.

"That means you should stop straining yourself, Levi. You should ask for assistance if you need anything." Hange spoke as she looked at him. Next thing, she shoved a dark cloth —which was a pair of Levi's underwear— on the bed beside him. "Here, put this on. I'll be waiting with Mike outside."

"That was not the explanation I asked for, Hanj. Tell me what this whole thing is." Mike demanded as soon as they left the room.

Hange looked down and then back up to him. "Levi asked you to trust him, and you chose to do it. What I know is that this is temporary, and that he will be better as long as we all honor our words. We just need to be patient, Mike."  

Hange put down the stack of reports Moblit had left for her in the lab. She took a seat on one of the two chairs surrounding Levi's small table that was near the window. She told him that she would be sitting here to work on the reports, and that he could call her if he needed anything. Despite that, she couldn't help but feel distracted.

Levi had lifted the sheet up his naked calves, leaving it only around his middle. He continued to roll from one side of the bed to the other, increasingly, continuously, no position able to hold him. The water that drenched him earlier evaporated to get replaced by his glistening sweat —except for his hair that was still damp and slightly curled.

Hange could see it all, feeling her heart tighten each time he would roll, her hands twitching with his pain. There was no way she could finish her work in here. 

She got to her feet with the stack of papers and walked to him. As soon as her chair made the sound, she noticed Levi stiffen in the same spot. He was still twitching from the spasms, but was not rolling around anymore. Hange realized that he was resisting the urge, it was like he had forgotten she was in the room with him earlier. She wanted to ask him if he was okay but she already knew the answer.

"Levi, I'm gonna go to my room to finish up these reports, they need to be sent today. I won't take long, okay?" She softly asked.

" 'Kay." Levi muttered, voice fainting by the end.

Soon as Hange closed the door, he discarded the sheet and returned to his rolls. He was going insane, thinking of nothing but the pain and contractions.

It was nothing new. He knew that he’d be like this once he gave up that chance. It was nothing new until his entire body suddenly contracted at the same moment, making his middle rise up an inch from the mattress and his eyes widen, his heart shook inside his chest, suddenly pounding too fast as Levi found himself stuck, agonized, shaky and unable to move. 

“Gahh.”

He could not even breathe through it, not until it ended within a few seconds.

Levi slumped onto the mattress, breathing hard to compensate for the lack of oxygen he had just experienced. His entire body shook uncontrollably as he clutched the sheets, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Just when he thought his pain couldn't get any worse, this sensation was terrifying! He never wanted to go through it again. His spasms had always been sporadic, but having all of his muscles contract at once was sheer torture. 

As he struggled to sit up, he almost wanted to cry. "Fuck." He strained.

He could not take this anymore. He did not want to! He regretted having given up the drug, and with this new addition, he grew certain that Erdmann was telling the truth. Things were only getting worse just as he had warned.

There was no point for him to continue down this path. He cannot. He cannot…He will get it! His pained eyes started to widen as a sinister glint took over them.

The last thing Hange expected after a knock on her door was to find Levi standing there with his usual pale complexion. His arm was propping him up against the wall, and his button-up shirt was arbitrarily fastened with the buttons not aligned properly.

The only unfamiliar thing about him were his eyes, which had been half-lidded and pained for days. Now, they looked narrow, sharp, and determined, almost causing her to shudder from the coldness spreading from them.

“Levi?” She exclaimed.

“I want it, Hange. Now.” He announced with conviction. Levi walked inside as he said his words, forcing the redhead to retreat a step to make way. “You wouldn’t have spent it on your research this time. It's only been a few hours, and it was a week's dose.”

Hange glimpsed the dark expression she'd seen on him once before when he showed up at her room. She knew it so well, she read about it. She took in a breath as she braced herself for speaking her next words.

"I threw it away."

"What?"

It was summer, but Hange could swear she felt the temperature drop with Levi's tone. She believed that being truthful would take away her nervousness, but his greys allowed no such luxury; they looked too cold, too sharp like daggers, almost like they didn't belong to him. He had brought his face too close to her it looked scary, and although she knew her friend would never hurt her, she couldn't help but take a step back to restore her personal space.

"I'm sorry, I didn’t think we'd need it."

"No." Levi shook his head, eyes wide. "No. You're lying."

"I'm not lying to you." Hange's eyebrows twisted, both with truthfulness and wariness.

"No." Regardless, Levi repeated, stuck in denial.

He was blind to Hange's fear, he only saw an obstacle in her. She was lying and preventing him from getting his fix because she wanted him to continue this. But he does not want to anymore. He cannot risk another one of whatever the fuck had happened to him earlier, and he was ready to do whatever it fucking takes to get the drug back.

"Where is the fucking drug?" He asked her, as cold as his bones felt when he would suffer a cold wave. It was enough to make Hange shudder as she came to realize he was not backing away with the truth she had told him, he was not believing her.

"I told you I don't have it."

Levi stepped towards her again, causing her to retreat a step again. Hange was beginning to freak out; if Levi decides to hurt her, even in his beat condition, he could cause much damage. He was always too strong. And she read about it, he would do anything to get the drug back, he would not be himself at all.

"Levi, you're scaring me."

"You do." He said with conviction —Her last words completely skipping him. His entire focus was only on the drug, it was like a demon took over him. 

"No, I don't. Think dammit, it sucks but it's temporary. You cannot give up now, you're stronger than this!"

"You don't fucking understand!" Levi suddenly yelled, causing Hange to jump in her place.

She stepped back, feeling suddenly horrified by the shorter man who suddenly felt a meter taller than she was. The more Hange would stepp back, the more Levi would step forward, until he had her by the wall.

"Tell me where the fucking drug is." 

"I don't have it. I swear." It was at that moment that her impassive facade crumbled.

Hange's face twisted slightly as her chest rose up and down with her deepening breaths. Yet as much as her voice and face conveyed truthfulness, Levi could not see nor hear it. He still looked at her with the same cold gaze, and she had to turn her face slightly to the side for how close he was getting to her. 

"Levi please get back, you're scaring me." She pleaded, browns moving between his sinister greys.

"Not until you tell me where the drug is, I'm not leaving here until you do." With that, he grabbed her by her shirt, causing her to suck in a sharp breath in response. 

"I told you I threw it. In the toilet. I'm sorry but it is the truth, I swear."

"No." Levi shook his head. "That's not the answer you're supposed to give. Now tell me where-the fuck-it-is."

Hange felt his hand shake, yet somehow, his grip was so strong as he pushed her against the wall with his last words, making her skull bang lightly against it. She swallowed thickly, her heartbeats jacking up. This was not her friend talking, it was the drug. 

"I don't have it... I don't." Her warm hand laid on his wrist. "Please calm down." 

Levi stared at her for a long moment, eyes wide and frightening. Hange stared back with fright. The next thing she knew, he pulled her in and threw her to the side violently.

Hange's heart was going out of its place as she found herself propelled to the floor face first.

"Ahh!" She let out half a yell as her nose met the ground.

She sat up, holding it between her hands before she got to her feet and ran outside, making use of the opportunity of being freed. It was hurting her so much but she knew better than to remain alone with Levi in the same room for another second.  

Chapter Text

Hange sat up, holding her nose between her hands before she got to her feet and ran outside. It was hurting her so much, but she knew better than to remain alone with Levi in the same room for another second.

Her heart physically ached as she rushed down the corridor, barely from the pain but rather from the state her friend had gotten into. She understood his pain and desperation to get like that, she knew well what lengths he would go to make them stop. It was all her responsibility the moment she denied him the drug when he begged for it, this was only the result of her doing back then.

She spent the next hour in the medical ward getting her nose taken care of.

Hange's steps were slow and careful as she walked back to her room, her eyes wary of encountering the dark-haired in that dangerous state again. Rounding the corner, she noticed the door to her room was slightly ajar, which made her steps grow even slower. Reaching it, she paused, and listened in. Only when she made sure no sound was coming from the inside did she walk in.

Her brown eyes widened upon entering. It was a total mess in there; her clothes were piled in front of the wardrobe, her mattress was laying on the floor a few feet away from the bed... Levi had searched every corner for the drug and left a trail of chaos behind him.

Hange's lips twisted with disappointment and foreboding. She reached for the key behind her and turned it with a nervous movement, vowing to never open the door again. 

Levi's eyes were dark, his movements mechanical, his mind fogged, craving guiding him as he thrashed around Hange's room in search of the drug. His breath shook and he felt exhausted, but he pushed through it with the image of the syringe on his mind.

Not finding it anywhere, he paused, looking around at the mess he'd made with pants and frustration.

"Fuck!" He loudly cursed, kicking the mattress that was on the floor a meter away from where he stood.

The drug was nowhere. She hid it. She! Levi's formed fists loosened as he remembered Hange... and what he'd just done. He just pushed her to the floor, and heard her scream in pain, and he did not even care to think about it!  His eyes widened as his lungs welcomed the much-needed deep breaths. What the fuck did he just do?

"Hm." A small whimper escaped him.

He had looked into the entire room and the drug was nowhere, it then struck him that she may have been telling him the truth. He was just angry, and frustrated, and had that aggressive energy bubbling inside of him like boiling water in a kettle. He only wanted to hear the answer he wanted to hear. 

Levi swallowed hard, taking a step back to surrender to his fatigued legs. He sat on the bed frame, another low whimper escaping him as he held his aching head. He remembered the look on his friend's face, only then seeing it for what it was —pure terror that he sparked in her! What the fuck did he just do? After she had cared for him all this time, after everything she'd done to him...

"...Fucking idiot." He uttered with a low voice, hitting his head with a formed fist. It was already hurting him but he deserved it. He deserved all of his suffering for the awful human being that he was. How could he even fix this now?

It didn't take a long time for Levi to crash down from the high once he got back to his room. His body was too feeble again, and pain took the better of him as his shakes of a cold wave intensified.

The images of Hange's frightened face, and her being thrown down by his own hand kept appearing in his vision, intensifying his melancholy and torment. The sound of her scream rang in his ear like a broken record.

He was not supposed to strain himself yet he did again. It left him completely drained and pained, but Levi wanted, no, he needed to go see if Hange had come back to her room. He needed to talk to her.

His walk back there was hell. His knees gave up on him when he tried to round the corner, causing him to fall to the floor. Levi closed his eyes tightly until the agonizing pain of the impact started to settle. His arms shook as he brought himself back up to a standing position, propping himself against the wall.

His teeth shook, his legs shook, his arms wobbled, everything in him threatened to fall down at any second, but he continued his walk there regardless.

Levi knocked once, not having the energy to do more.

"H-hange." His voice reached from behind her door, sounding too pathetic to his own ears.

Another weak knock.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... P-please open the door so we could talk." His eyebrows twisted as the cold shakes infiltrated his voice. 

Levi received no answer. He leaned his forehead against the door, giving in to the lethargy that left him barely able to stand. He turned the knob with a shaky hand to find it locked.

"Hange p-please... I know you're in there... I left the door open."

Still, Levi received nothing.

He placed another knock, one that was of frustration and helplessness rather than to let her know he was there. Levi turned around with a pained expression, face haggard and careworn. She was probably scared of him, understandingly so —after everything she had done for him. How he hated himself, useless piece of shit.

It was with great hardship that he walked back to his room. It was good that it was late at night and no one was around to see him stop for long seconds after every few steps, one time he even slid down to the floor. Levi feared losing consciousness; it was what happened every time he strained himself, and right now, the corridor looked darkened with dancing dots and too unsteady to be real.

Hands trembled against the wall as he finally entered his room. Levi leaned with his back against the door to close it, remaining in that position and taking in a few breaths to fish for energy. Everything around him swayed that he wasn't sure he could remain standing for another second, everything was darkening, but his bed was right there, just a few steps along the wall and then a few to the side.

He blinked as he took a first step, the arm on the wall wobbling increasingly. Another step, another blink, everything was even darker. Levi stopped, feeling strength leave him completely. He turned around to prop himself with two arms against the wall until he could restore his vision. 

He focused on breathing as he let his weight rest on the two propped arms. The images of Hange infiltrated his mind again as though to spite him, they left, and then his feebleness and pain came to the foreground. He was gonna slip... He was gonna fall...He cannot keep himself up anymore...

A sickening thud was heard as Levi met the floor behind him. His entire body contracted simultaneously in a second seizure, every muscle tensing to its limit, every part shaking, his fists too tight his knuckles turned white, his toes curled, his eyes wide, his jaw clenched, his lips too pressed he could not let out a single sound, his lungs collapsing with contraction.

"Hmmmmm." A shaky voice escaped him as his heartbeats grew wild.

Foam gathered at the corners of his lips as he looked at the ceiling above him. He was trapped in his own body, crippled by the agonizing pain without the ability to do anything. It felt like he was going to die trapped and alone. He wanted to scream, to let anyone know, but couldn't. Only tears escaped him, falling from the corners of his wide greys to settle into his dark hair above his ears. 

The morning sun illuminated the sky as everyone at the Survey Corps headquarters prepared to start their day. Hange had been scared of Levi on the previous night that she did not open up for him. However, as the hours passed, she felt a compelling urge to adhere to her daily ritual of checking on him before heading to breakfast.

She grew hesitant once she got to his door, contemplating whether he would get in that angry state again if he saw her. Hange knocked softly without receiving an answer before she warily turned the knob. 

Pushing the door open, she was horrified to find her friend laying on the floor unconscious.

"Levi!" Hange called, rushing his way and kneeling beside him. She shook him, tapping his pale cheek. "Levi, wake up."

Getting no response, Hange freaked out more. Traces of saliva were apparent on the corners of his mouth, signifying that he had suffered some kind of a seizure. She had no idea how long he had been like this, all because of her insistence on going on with her plan. She feared the worst, what Erdmann and the doctor had warned of. If it continues, then...

"No no no, please wake up, Levi." She shook him again with desperation.

Hange's heart ached once she noticed the streaks of dried tears on his skin, tracing down his temples to disappear in his hair. He was in here, suffering alone, when she ignored his calls. She brought her forehead down on his apologetically, feeling her gut contract to form a sob.

"Goddamit!" 

She couldn't lift him now that he was limp and heavy. Restoring some of her logic, she got to her feet and rushed to Mike's room, hoping to find him still in there. She sprinted out to the corridor, eyes wide and frightened, more tears threatening to escape her.

"Hange!"

She stopped at the sudden voice to her left and turned to find Erwin whom she couldn't even see.

"Everything okay? You look like you've seen a ghost-"

"Erwin." Hange approached him and cut him off by holding his shoulders on the sides before he could finish his sentence. Her heart thumped too fast as she spoke, face twisting back to the mention of that name, "Levi."

The commander's already worried face frowned deeper.

Within a moment he found himself in Levi's room. Erwin crouched beside him, pained by the sight of his strongest soldier and close friend being in such a vulnerable, unprecedented condition. Coming closer to his face, he sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of the dry tears. What in the world has happened to him that could be this bad? 

The doctors were having breakfast when Hange snatched the eldest of them to the medical ward, where Erwin was waiting with Levi on one of the beds, trying to wake him up to no avail. As soon as she brought Doctor Braun and he started to examine the dark-haired, she turned around to leave with decisive strides.

"Where are you going?" Erwin asked. Watching her continue her steps like she didn't hear him, he caught her arm at the last moment before she moved further away. "We need to talk."

"Not now."

"Right after Doctor Braun is done with Levi." The blonde replied sternly. He had many questions she needed to answer, about Levi, and that thing that covered her nose.

"Not now, Erwin. I need to go somewhere." Hange repeated with sureness. She needed to get her friend the drug at once and fix her damn mistake before she loses him for good. She was selfish, and stupid. She would never forgive herself if something happened to him, and at this point, she was ready to even disobey orders just to fix that.

Looking into her eyes for an additional moment, Erwin read her insistence and the urgency in whatever she was planning to do. He let go of her to watch her immediately turn and continue her fast paces.

Hange rode the way to Trost district at the fastest speed, mind wandering every awful scenario. She might come back to find Levi dead for all she knows. She got all of the signs from his condition, but she ignored them and insisted that he continue even against his own will.

It took an hour for her to reach the district's gate. She hoped to find Erdmann where he usually frequented, she would not go back until she found him anyway, but she surely hoped he was in there to gain Levi some time.

Hange was swift to descend off her horse and walk into the warehouse where she'd been once before with Mike to interrogate that liar. She strode straight towards his office door without giving the people around any attention.

"Hey, miss." The guy who served them tea last time -His name was Billy if she remembered correctly- called for her from the side.

But she couldn't care, she only kept her strides, opening the office door with extra aggressiveness to find Erdmann sitting behind his desk with a man on the other side. Hange's eyes fixed on him with a glare as she walked in, her hands already creating fists. This fucking liar. This fucker is the reason behind everything!

She suddenly halted in the middle of the room. 

"Get out." She said, sending the guest nothing but a glance before glaring back at the blonde.

"I have a meeting with him before you. " The guest protested. "Who do you think you are to-"

"Get-out." Hange cut him off, turning to face him with her dark expression.

"It's okay, Keith, I'll see to it that that goes as you wanted. We'll finish this another time." Erdmann intervened from behind his desk, turning then to his secretary who stood behind Hange. "It's fine, Billy. Leave us alone."

Hange's breath ragged as she glared at the clear blues, waiting for the two men to leave and the secretary to close the door on them. Soon as she heard the door click, she strode her way behind the desk.

"You fucking piece of shit, what did you give to him?"

Erdmann looked nervous, Hange's red eyes unsettling him. He heard from Marcus that Levi had shared the info with this person, he didn't like that it was getting told to other people after he warned him against it, but Marcus had assured him that he was not gonna tell people who could incriminate them, after all, he was able to easily go in and out of the Scout's headquarters without a problem. 

"It's a potent drug. A modified version that is longer lasting and more powerful than anything else known."

Hange took two other steps forward to stop right before him. "You fucking piece of shit." She repeated with frustration before she pulled out her sword from its place. "Tell me what happens when he cuts it off."

Erdmann swallowed, a load of sweat forming on his forehead. Nevertheless, his gaze remained on her steady and calm. "He'll be in pain. He'll be in constant pain."

"He's laying fucking unconscious." Fear infiltrated the angry rough voice, index stretching behind her in reference to the direction where she'd left her friend. Hange brought her seething face closer to the blonde who pulled his head as back as he could manage in his chair. "If anything happens to him, Erdmann, I will make sure to chop you up with my own sword." She threatened, raising the metal to his neck and barely holding back from making him suffer what he'd let her friend feel. "Tell me how long it lasts."

"It will only continue to get worse. I told him that." Erdmann kept his steady gaze, his steady voice, nothing but his pulled-back head conveyed a slight fear. Hange was only enraged by his daring, by his entire existence that was well and unpained to feel the hell he'd made Levi go through.

"No. Every drug has a period before withdrawals fade." She pushed her sword towards his neck and pushed it in further, making the man place one hand on the blade in a reflex. It cut a thin line of blood through his palm, but Hange couldn't care less, if anything, she wanted to make him suffer much more.

Erdmann was good at reading people, he could see in her eyes that she was so angry and totally willing to do as she threatened him. Those Survey Corps people are insane.  

"Not this one. This isn't every drug." He replied with sureness through his masked fear. He hoped that dependence on him as the sole dealer would put some sense into her as it did in Levi.

Hange stared at him with loathing, contempt, and a feeling of renewed helplessness that she despised. Before she could know it, her hand raised and she punched him with her fist that was on the sword handle.

"Ugh!" She let out with frustration, watching him fall to the side along with his stupid sumptuous chair. She wished to stomp him then and there like a cockroach, but instead, she crouched down and grabbed him by the collar. 

"I will make you pay back for everything that you did, you piece of shit." Hange yanked him closer to her, eyes frightening. "Give me a dose."

Erdmann's face was reddening from her hold. He sucked in a breath once she let him go, struggling to sit up from his sprawled position. He was worried and pained, but hearing her ask him for a dose melted all of that away. Levi had caved —just like Marcus had assured him yesterday. He told him that he would come here asking for a dose as soon as what he left him with would end, his right-hand man was as sharp as usual. The only difference is that Marcus had expected him to come in a week, the blonde was glad he got a confirmation earlier to relieve his overthinking.

Erdmann reached for the locked drawer on his desk without standing to his feet fully. He struggled to get the key in the hole with his nervous grip before it entered. He pulled it open, grabbing a black box from the two that were inside.

Turning with it to Hange, she snatched it from him violently then kicked him back to the floor with her foot, before she turned around to rush back to her horse.

Chapter Text

"Hmm." A weak whimper escaped in the quiet medical ward.

Levi opened his eyes slowly, feeling his lids too heavy. A dull feeling enveloped his entire body that he couldn't yet identify, something throbbing and engulfing. It quickly grew, radiating to ache every part of him.

His face twisted as his awareness sharpened and a realization hit him; he was back to hell again. He wanted to disappear from existence altogether over waking back to this. He did not want to take this pain anymore, he did not have any strength in him left. However long he'd spent sleeping was the best time he'd had in days, or was he unconscious?

Levi turned his head to the side, looking around the area to find only empty beds. No one was around in the patient room. 

He hadn't slept in six days, so he was bound to eventually collapse like he did. What frightened him was the way it had happened, that utter helplessness, inability to move, to let out a sound, the sheer paralyzing pain... it was something he never wanted to experience again.

And then, the thoughts about Hange hit him, causing him to turn back ahead and close his eyes, twisting his face even further. It hurt him so much he wished he could just be swallowed by a titan over facing the ugly reality.

Levi opened his greys again. A shaky breath escaped him, eyes staring at the ceiling, thinking of nothing and everything. He sniffed then attempted to sit up. His arms wobbled and ached, but he found enough strength in him to manage. Maybe the sleep did help him with something after all. 

Levi found his shirt unbuttoned, indicating that he'd been examined by a doctor. His arms were still covered by the long sleeves and they had healed well over the past days, he hoped the doctor did not notice anything on his elbow creases area. Either way, he felt unsafe in here, whether from the doctor exposing him, or even to have his pain exposed in front of others. He did not like to be seen in that useless and pathetic state by anyone.

Another shaky breath escaped as he turned to the edge of the bed. Levi stepped down, feeling a wave of extra pain shoot through his legs once they touched the floor before they gave out beneath him. He almost forgot how awful his pain had felt before this short rest, almost got surprised as it grew back to what it was before; something unbearable! 

Levi found himself on all fours, head raised to look in the door's direction. He brought one leg up, planting his feet on the floor to push himself. It only wobbled with weakness, lacking any physical strength for him to push up. He brought his head down, lips slightly twisting downwards as he contemplated what state he had reached. So this is what he'd come to, after everything...

Hange's rushing steps filled the silent corridor. She glanced many doctors conversing in the staff lounge, she hoped that was all of them and that the patient room would be empty so she could inject Levi at once. Her hand wandered to her inner pocket to bring the box out fast in case she found the room empty. Taking the turn to the inside, her steps slowed down before she came to a halt.

Levi was down on the floor on hands and knees, too weak, left leg wobbling in a helpless attempt to stand. He raised his lolling head upon hearing her walk in, greys meeting browns. His mouth gaped to her sight and his eyebrows took a trip up his forehead. He looked so unfittingly vulnerable and small.

"Hange!" He called.

Hange swallowed, her hand grazing the box still. But finding him awoke rose back the will of making him go through the two weeks... There was no way they could find out anything unless that period ended, and here he was awake, he was no longer unconscious for her to fear the worst, she could just keep an eye on him until the period passes. 

Her hand loosened behind her jacket, still hesitant. How could she ignore that vulnerable look he was sending her? That pain in his eyes, his twisting lips, and his eyebrows that were now twisting to meet up in the middle. She really was a devil! Nevertheless, Hange brought her hand out of her jacket and down to her side.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You've only been trying to help me and I..." Levi trailed off, feeling himself tormented. Seeing the little white plaster on Hange's nose was only the final blow that broke his back. Everything was shit, and it only grew shittier. And after he had held back everything, it suddenly was no longer containable and blew.

Hange got back her senses and rushed his way, kneeling beside him to help him up.

"It's okay, this is nothing."

"No." His voice shook, tears welling up in his eyes as he looked back down to avoid her gaze. It was pointless when they took the trip down with gravity to settle on the floor, glistening like two shining diamonds between his planted hands.

Hange felt her heart break at the sight. Without thinking, she moved forward and took him in a hug, feeling his feeble shaky bones vibrate her.  

"I'm fine. Don't worry yourself about this." She spoke into his hair.

"I don't know what's gotten into me. I d-didn't mean to..." His voice broke her! Then her own eyes overflew with tears to follow.

"Levi please." 

"This is fucked up. I don't want to be like this anymore... 'M so tired." He muttered, quiet sobs cutting through his sentence.

"I know." Hange's arms squeezed him tighter, her head falling against his neck as her abdomen contracted with a deep pain. 

Levi gave in to her pull. He backed from kneeling to sit down, laying his upper body against her frame. He felt Hange cry from her shaking chest, but he couldn't find it in him to feel bad about making her feel that way. He was consumed by the pain, both in his body and of what he had done, what he had lost, along with the deep melancholy.

He never imagined himself to get into such a position, not just in front of others but even alone. Yet here he sat with his left hand covering his overflown eyes, his body trembling against his friend's, her arms squeezing him as he let his abdomen contract, feeling a strong sensation of bottled-up pain escape him with each deep sob.  

"It will all be over, we just need to wait a few more days, okay? Please, just a few." Hange said. She wished that he would accept so she could amend her burning guilt. It ached her so hard that she was denying him —even when she was doing it for his own sake. 

Levi cried, silently, bitterly. Hange could only glance his pulled back lips, which broke her heart into pieces and grew her tears to abundance.

"Please." She whispered again, squeezing him in tighter.

Levi did not say anything as his silent cries continued. He joined his lips to hold back the tears after a while, it turned his breaths into trembles that he tried to contain not to sound too pathetic.

Hange did not move from the floor, offering his tired body support, and Levi did not move from his position, resting everything against her, right ear on her chest hearing the echoes of her steady heartbeats, hand on his wet eyes to cover them with discomfiture.

Eventually, his tears ceased and only his sharp, shaky inhales remained.

"Let's get you to your room." When Hange noticed his calming, she murmured. However, for her, tears still streamed as she failed to get one word from him to take away some of her piling guilt. She couldn't stop them as long as she felt his shaky bones and his spasms so closely; they were a mirror to his pain, and that she could never get used to. 

She took her time to put on his shoes, to help him get to his room. She felt his body convulse against hers, each wave curling him into an even smaller form. Her heart ached with every twist he made and every soft sound that escaped him.

Levi was drenched in sweat by the time they reached up. It's not that the effort he exerted was much, if anything, he had more energy after the little sleep. His pain, however, was still as crippling. With Hange's assistance, he sat heavily on the mattress and watched her kneel to remove his shoes. He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

“I can do ‘t.” He choked, hating his useless state. He was willing to use the little energy he gathered to make himself more useful.

Levi pushed through his pain to do as he said, removing his shoes then sitting back up with low whimpers. Hange looked at him with sad eyes before stepping forward to help settle him in.

With his head meeting the pillow, he closed his eyes. He didn't think about the fact that he had just broken down in front of Hange; normally, it would have been the main thing on his mind, but he was too consumed by the thoughts of the hell he woke back into for that to register.

Erwin had remained by his side since he carried him to the medical ward. He was there after Hange had left, there as the doctor examined him, and stayed on after. His blue eyes couldn't help but drift back to the dry traces of tears on Levi's temples. Each time he did, his hands would tighten and his teeth would ground together. He had seen Levi face countless battles before with unyielding strengh —for him to actually be reduced to tears, it must be something truly unbearable!

He sent back two soldiers who came to him with work until a third one came with something that he couldn't ignore. Only then did he leave Levi's side.

As soon as he was done, Erwin returned to check on his best soldier. It didn't take him long to guess what had happened when he didn't find him in the medical ward, he headed straight up to his room.

Erwin breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Levi had regained consciousness. He found Hange sitting in a chair beside him, clearly responsible for bringing him up here. As usual, Levi insisted that he was fine when he asked him about his condition. Erwin felt hurt that he was still insisting on keeping the truth from him. This was the same person who used to confide in him about everything, it was disheartening to feel like he was no longer worthy of that trust.

Despite his feelings, Erwin didn't push Levi or resist him; he simply agreed, not wanting to further disturb him in his condition. He knew it was futile anyway and had a better plan in mind.

After lingering for some time, Erwin stood up and invited Hange to his office to discuss something he didn't understand in a document she had signed. He was convinced that she knew something, especially given the way she had hurried out earlier. He only accepted to trust Levi out of courtesy and respect, but after seeing him in this state, he needed answers.

Erwin noticed the slight change in Levi's expression after making his request. His friend knew him especially well, he probably saw through his pretense like light through glass. Erwin cursed his own impatience, feeling a pang of sadness at the troubled look Levi gave him. He looked as though he wanted to stop Erwin from taking her, but at the same time, he knew that speaking would confirm Erwin's suspicion and make him more insistent. The blonde regretted not having waited for her to leave on her own to then ask her away from Levi.

"What happened to your nose?" Erwin asked once they were out.

"I slipped and fell." And she replied with sureness. 

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

"You should be more careful." 

The rest, Erwin said only after he closed the office door.

“I had told you before that I wouldn’t ask for details. Now it’s time you told me.” 

Hange, who had preceded him to the inside, turned to face him. "I thought I told you that I don’t know.”

"You do." Erwin replied with sureness, eyes unwavering, steps moving from the door to join her, standing a good head above her frame.

“Erwin, I—”

“You were going somewhere this morning, it had something to do with Levi’s condition. You wouldn’t have left his side so urgently if it weren't. That you know something is certain, Hange. The only question here is whether you are willing to share it, or not. But don’t deny it and lie to my face.”

Hange wanted to tell him she wasn't lying, but she knew better than to do. She knew her commander and how perceptive he could be. He looked like he was staring at her naked thoughts with his fixed, sure, gaze.

“Hange, tell me what you know. Please. Don't obligate me to make it an order.” ...

Chapter Text

Levi took in a sharp breath as he found himself falling to the ground. His cheek soon met the grass, arms resting limply at his sides. He looked at the yard from that position, feeling scalding pain trail the front of his body. He was too pained to stand, too exhausted to even try. Part of him wanted to just give in and remain there, but he had something to attend to.

He got up to his feet again, feeling every movement like a plead rather than an order. By the time he reached his destination, he leaned with his back against the wall, head resting against the stones as his lungs accommodated deep breaths. His fingers twisted against the bricks behind him in a helpless attempt to keep him steady.

A humming soldier stepped back from petting two horses attached to a cart. Right behind the wooden wagen, he found the dark-haired standing there, looking at him with a pale and drenched face. His honey eyes grew wide.

"C-captain Levi!?"

"Where are you heading?"

"Shiganshina. Are you okay, sir?" The man looked horrified.

"That's good." Levi swallowed, removing his hands from the wall and pushing himself to move towards the cart. "That means you're passing by Trost district. 'M heading there."

It has been nine days since Levi stopped taking the drug, and every day has been getting worse for him. Most of the time, his mind has been consumed with pain. However, yesterday, he had the idea of going to town with the supply guys. They always left early in the morning to bring the items the scouts needed from town, whether it was food or other supplies.

Levi wobbled, prompting the soldier to quickly step forward before he landed his hands on the edge of the cart. His fingers tightened against the wood as a new wave of spasms took over, causing his breath to hitch.

The man stopped to watch him regain his balance, but the worry didn't leave his eyes.

"Sir, you're not looking good. Are you sure you can go in this condition?"

"I didn't ask for your opinion." Levi strained, sending him a glare that had him lower his head. He was already irritated by having been constantly told that.

"Y-yes sir."

The cart jolted along the rocky path when Levi found himself slumping to its wooden floor. His entire body contracted at once, paralyzing him down there.

Ever since it had first happened four days ago, he had been experiencing these simultaneous contractions every few hours. He could never get used to them, not when each time they occurred, he believed he was going to die right then and there. It felt like hundreds of daggers being plunged deep into his already pained body, crippling him and making all of his systems shut down.

“Ngh.” A voice escaped him, wide eyes reflecting the utter hell he felt until a few seconds passed. "Hm... hmm...hmm..."

Levi's hands scratched at the wood for a hold as his lungs fought to make up for the breaths he had missed. He gave in to his exhaustion, remaining in that position on his side. He stared out the opening at the back of the cart to the sky, until they finally came to a halt. He knew he was supposed to get his shit together and sit up now, but he continued to stare blankly until the soldier riding the horse appeared and blocked his view.

"We're in district Trost, sir." The soldier looked at Levi, face contorting with subtle worry and confusion. This was their strongest soldier, what in the world was happening to him to look this feeble and pale? The soldier had a bad feeling in his gut about the entire situation. 

Levi closed his gaping mouth and used his weakened arms to sit up.

"Captain Levi, you look so sick. I think it's better if I take you to a hospital. There's one righ-"

" 'M fine. Just help me down."

The soldier could not argue. Even beat as he looked, his captain still felt as intimidating as any day he saw him in the training yard before.

Once his feet met the ground, Levi looked around to identify where he was. Erdmann's warehouse was located on the biggest street of the district —the one that led straight to the gates to ease merchandise movements— and as he expected the cart stopped on that same street seeing that it was to cross the gate to continue to Shiganshina.

"Thank you." He rasped to the soldier, turning around to find any wall to use as a hold.

"Captain Levi." The soldier still insisted, eyebrows knitted slightly. 

"I'll find my way back. You did a good job, now go on."

By the time Levi made it near the warehouse, not a bit of strength remained inside him. Even his strong drive that reduced his spasms, and his excitement about being too close to receiving the drug were not enough to keep him going. He hadn't eaten anything in nine days apart from a few glasses of juice, so the drug was not the only thing to blame for his situation.

For a short moment, his vision darkened. Levi turned to rest his back against the wall he'd been bracing himself against. The dark dots cleared, and he could suddenly see the warehouse in view.

Grey eyes started to widen, breaths deepening as he came too close to his goal. No one will be able to stop him now; only the few remaining steps stood between him and the ecstasy... He had left his room after Hange left for an early work, she wouldn't expect him to come this far, and even if she did, it would be too late.

Levi licked his lips, his heart suddenly pumping blood faster, adrenalin invading his veins to give strength to his legs that were barely able to support him. He was no longer taking rests after every few steps, he needed to get there fast now, as soon as he could manage!

He was too blinded by the expectations, the image of the syringe, the feeling of its liquid invading his system, the insanely delicious feeling he would be getting after, the ceasing pain that would be replaced by heavenly ecstasy... Levi's eyes were too drunk on the thoughts he didn't see the step at the entrance. His foot stumbled and he found himself falling to the floor.

He looked up, wide-eyed, seeing nothing but the office door to his left.

"Captain Levi?" Billy called, rushing to help him. "Are you okay?"

"Where is Erdmann?" Levi asked without answering the man who was helping him stand up. His eyes were on the office door, hoping that he would be in there. It was not a Tuesday, and the merchant was one busy man.

"He's in there with someone. Once he leaves I'll let you go in before the others." Billy whispered not to let two awaiting men hear him. "But how are you feeling? You look sick. Is this why you stopped visiting us? I thought the scouts had a deal with Boss that required you to come every Tuesday."

Levi had long since stopped listening. He placed his hand on the wall beside him and returned to relying on his muscles, continuing to cross his way toward the office door. He could not wait until Erdmann is done, he wanted this pain ending right now, he needed that ecstasy to engulf him at once!

"Captain." The secretary walked along with him, not daring to stop him despite knowing his intent, but also feeling troubled about it. It was Captain Levi for Wall's sake, he would be an idiot to try.

Levi's hand shook on the knob, turning it. He pushed the door open to meet startled blues. Erdmann looked so shaken to see him his lips parted.

"Ah, wait just a moment. I will be back." He said to his guest without breaking eye contact with the cold greys.

Erdmann strode to the door.

"Captain." He greeted with a serious voice, before turning to lead Levi to the room next to his office.

He had no idea that the captain was still keeping away from the drug. It baffled him! How could he have withstood all of that pain and reach this beat condition without eventually succumbing? He thought he did after his scout friend came asking for a dose, he was even unconscious from it! But that pale, drenched look on his face told the otherwise. That felt dangerous and threatening to Erdmann's plan who needed to keep him under control, but if he was refusing the drug for this long, he may need to rectify his decision.

They were both silent for the few steps that led them to the next room. Levi broke the silence once the blonde closed the door.

"You shitass... I need the drug."

Erdmann stared down at him from his taller stand; the raven looked too small and weak but not lacking his usual commanding aura.

"Your crazy friend came to ask the same three days ago. Do you have any idea how much that thing costs to make? I'm not holding a charity here, you can get your next dose next Tuesday." He said, merely to test the waters. After all, he planned to lock him in here and inject him even if he refused. The captain came right into the lion's den, and Erdmann was unwilling to let go of the opportunity to make him obey again; it was either that or he'd eliminate him, and he surely preferred the first option.

"No..." Levi shook his head, movement erratic. "No. I want it now. And you are giving it to me."

"Why would I?"

Levi grabbed him by the collar, pulling his taller frame down to him. "Because this whole thing is your damn fault. So you're gonna walk out, right now, get to your office, open your little drawer, and get me the fucking drug. Or I will fucking trash this entire building."

Looking back into the greys so closely, Erdmann smiled, relieved to find the same hunger in Levi. Seems like he was still under his spell. 

The blonde freed his collar from the shaky yet strong grip, raising himself up to a straightened position. 

Levi couldn't tell the time that had passed as he waited. His breath shook with craving, imagining the sensation that approached him. Every time the images flashed in his head, his eyes shined. He licked his lips, no place in the room able to hold him. His legs were too exhausted but he kept on walking from one wall to the other against their will.

He leaned against one wall to take another moment of rest. Levi raised his sleeve up, uncovering his healing elbow crease. He licked his lips again as he imagined the needle penetrating his bulging vein and filling him up with the substance he had so so so missed. The door to his side opened and his head turned to it at once, eyes wide.

Marcus stopped by the door, brown eyes studying the dark-haired, face lacking its usual sneer as he looked dead serious. He remained like that for a few seconds before he stepped further inside and closed the door behind him.

Levi took in a sharp breath once his eyes laid on the familiar leather bag. He felt a sensation inside his chest that he'd lacked for so long, it was the opposite feeling of the melancholy that's been drowning him for days.

"You're preparing your arm for me to inject." Marcus noted with a serious tone, turning his face to meet the grey eyes again as he placed his bag down on the floor. He left it there, behind the door and continued his steps empty-handed towards the raven-haired.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Levi." He said, stopping right before him and looking down at his shorter frame. "Didn't we tell you not to let anyone know about this?"

With that, a fist was dived into Levi's stomach, pushing him violently to the wall behind him. All the breath got knocked out of him as he gagged lightly, eyes closing shut for the immense pain that radiated inside of him.

He was still in pain from lacking the drug, and he was still suffering spasms; that hit sent them both wild, radiating from the plow to ring every cell with an unbearable feeling. It was as intense as getting hit in the groin, but everywhere.

Before he could take in a breath, Marcus punched him again, this time causing his legs to give out beneath him and his entire body to slide with the wall to the floor. A deep cough exhaled what little air Levi still had in his lungs with the punch.

Levi sat down, holding his aching core. He felt like he was going to throw up. It was precisely for this reason that he didn't put up a fight back in the cabin; he had too many weak points —something he worked hard not to have since his days in the underground, how he hated being reduced to it now.

"How come that redhead knows? Huh? Which part of what we talked about did you not understand?" Marcus asked, crouching down to grab him by the collar. Before Levi could even answer, he used his grip to bring him down to the floor.

"Aahh." Levi let out as his cheek met the ground violently, face twisted into a wince.

Marcus didn't even register Levi's hand that gripped the floor with twisted fingers, he didn't care to hear the warning sounds of nausea escape him as his body curled with a gut spasm. Instead, he got to his feet and kicked him in the stomach again, pinning him tighter against the wall. 

Levi let out another short scream, eyes closing with agony, mouth trying to say something but not being able to. It was too much for him to process, it was so much! His hand raised slightly in a halting gesture, shaking at the dark-haired who kicked him again.

Levi's gut churned further. Soon, bile left his stomach to settle on the wood beneath him. The kicks halted in response, but the pain they caused did not. Everything in Levi shook as aching electricity radiated through him, like he got injected with acid. 

"Ngh... ngh... ngh..." He whimpered once he was done, setting his forehead on the floor next to the mess he'd made exhaustedly. He couldn't think of anything through everything shooting through him.

"How disgusting." Marcus expressed, grabbing him by the collar again and lifting him back up to a sitting position.

Levi set his hand on Marcus's wrist. It was shaky and feeble. He couldn't do anything to make him stop, but by god he could not take another hit.

"D-don't." He whispered, eyes begging what his mouth didn't want to say out loud.

Marcus glared at him, face solemn still. 

"You know what I believe? Pain is the perfect way to tame down someone. And you're one who always finds way to disobey. You are either going to be taught to be disciplined, or I will fucking kill you right here and now." 

With that, Marcus threw him to the corner of the room. Levi hit the wall with a loud thud, the previous kicks to his core still crippling him to make a move, still compressing his breaths. His eyebrows raised in the middle as he watched the pair of black boots come closer to him with confident steps.

Levi shielded his abdomen with his arms as Marcus reached him, bringing his muscular leg back and then bulging it forward to hit him mercilessly.

Levi couldn't hold back his voice anymore, he let out a teeth-clenched scream. With every hit that plowed into him, it grew increasingly louder. His eyes warmed up and he could feel tears building in them that he did not want seen. It hurt him especially hard when the boot coincided with a spasming area, breaking through his hardened muscles like a wrecking ball.

Levi turned his head to the floor again as his gut churned aggressively, feeling like it was being shredded on the inside and out. Bile and saliva left his mouth as Marcus kept landing his hits. Levi moved his shaky arm from shielding himself to land a hand on Marcuse's boot.

"P-please st-top." His voice shook, too pathetic and weak, saliva still connecting his lips to the floor with a trail.

Marcus halted his moving leg that had just touched Levi before it plowed into him. He let out a deep breath.

"See, it's not that hard to listen to what we tell you." He said. It didn't stop him from raising his leg and stomping Levi's back in one final blow that had him enter into a coughing fit.

Marcus didn't waste time as he walked back to the bag he had left behind the door. He opened it and prepared an injection then returned to the Scout's captain.

Looking at him for a second, the taller man feared that he had done much damage; Levi was lying on his stomach with his face facing the side, lips parted, eyes closed, one particular tear at the corner of his eye threatening to slide along his nose bridge. He was moving erratically with minor spasms, shaking like a street cat, a trail of saliva reaching out of his mouth to connect to a pool on the floor. 

Marcus did make sure not to hurt him in places that would be seen, but he might've taken it a bit too far. He shouldn't have gone at him with full force when he knew he was already pained and weakened by lacking the drug. He crouched down before him, taking hold of his arm. Levi did not even flinch from his limp position.

"Are you still with me?" ...Marcus frowned to not get a response. He dropped Levi's arm and turned to tap his face. "Hey."

Levi muttered something indistinguishable. He was not listening to anything anymore, no longer aware of his surroundings, only of the pain... He desperately needed the agony to subside even just a little! He needed the drug immediately to stop the spasms that continued to contract his sore muscles from the blows. It was enough to make him want to yell with each and every involuntary movement, had he only had the strength to. 

"What was that?"

"G've...me...th' drug." He whispered with difficulty, eyes closed and glistening at the corner.

Marcus's sneer returned to twist his lips, hand moving to grab Levi's arm again. "I shall oblige."...

Chapter Text

When Hange opened the door, her heart sank into her stomach. Her eyes widened as she spotted Levi laying on the floor, only able to recognize him by his shoe as a well-built man crouching in front of him blocked her view of his face. The man turned around at the noise, and she immediately recognized him as the one who had previously visited Levi in his room.

"Mike." She cried out in response, stepping forward towards them as the man stood to his feet and made way. She didn't care for him at first, not when her eyes searched for Levi, her heart thumping with apprehension.

Hange gaped at his sight. He was laying limply, eyes closed, a pool of saliva trailing out of his mouth. They lost everything! Everything they had done! All the pain that he had to endure, all of that arduous progress was gone with the wind because of this bastard. He injected him, and now he was laying unconscious on the floor like every time he had tinted his blood with that substance.

Her eyes turned to look at the man immediately, only then realizing how much he towered over her. Her frustration was getting replaced by anger as he stared at her back impassively, so much that her breath began to hitch. 

Mike rushed inside, blue eyes widening to find his friend on the floor in that condition. 

"Levi!" He called, rushing in to kneel beside him.

Surprisingly, Levi creaked his eyes open. Hange's eyebrows met in the middle in response, feeling so so relieved to find the usual pain in them. He was not unconscious from the injection! It was the first time she rejoiced in his suffering. But he did not take the drug, he did not take it!

"Carry him out, Mike." She said when she got back to her senses, remembering the man that still lurked around with a syringe in his hand. She turned back to glare at him, finding a reciprocated sharp gaze. For all she knows, he may try to force him to take the drug as he'd done before. This place was dangerous for Levi to stay in, but she would never let them get to him now that she was here.

Not wanting to waste time, Mike grabbed the raven and carried him up to his chest like a child. He shared Hange's thoughts with a silent agreement as this warehouse sent him an uneasy feeling. Everything about this place felt endangering somehow, the fact that Erdmann had almost convinced them that Levi wasn't here -for the second time- while he kept him locked in a room made Mike want to hide his friend away from these plotting bastards.

They were in Erdmann's office when they heard some noise come from the adjacent room. Had Hange not snuck to check it on their way out before Erdmann could stop her, they would've left knowing nothing.

Levi groaned between Mike's arms. He was so close. So fucking close! These two have come all the way here to stop him, all because Erdmann took so long to bring him the drug. How he hated to see them right now! But no. He cannot lose after taking all of the trouble to get here, he will never get another chance. And by the walls, he can never stand another day in this condition. 

"Hmmm." He let out a long moan, closing his wet eyes as he forced his body to straighten with his hips coming up. It felt agonizing! But it made him slide out of Mike's hold who lost the grip around his legs.

Levi's feet landed on the floor, causing him to wince in response. His knees gave out and he almost fell to the floor had Mike not catch him at the last second, wrapping one long arm around his waist and pulling him to his broad chest to regain balance.

"Gaaaah." Levi let out, face contorting and eyes shutting tightly as the arm pressed against his sore abdominal muscles. He bent with the pressure, feeling the tears build back up in his eyes. 

"No." He whispered as Mike started to drag him away slowly. "Ngh." His eyes closed at the unbearable pain the arm was causing. His abdomen spasmed, and with the beat up muscles and Mike's painful hold against them, he found himself bending forward, retching bile.

It totally skipped Levi what the blond was muttering in his ear, he could not hear. He raised his head up before his gut could fully calm, seeking only the syringe, finding himself even further away from it.

"N-no...L-let m' go." Levi repeated, louder this time, yet too desperate and begging.

His arm extended in the syringue's direction as though he could somehow move it towards his grip. He cannot remain in this condition. He needed the fucking drug and he will get it! He wanted to fight but it hurt so bad he could barely speak. 

He began to struggle in Mike's arm like a child, accepting the pain that it brought, ready to pay anything for one drop of that liquid. But it was all negligible to the taller man's hold. Levi felt too helpless and weak, only watching as the syringe kept getting further and further away from him even with his best tries.

"L-let me fucking go." His hand laid on the arm around his waist, where he dug his fingernail and scratched at it with frustration, letting out all of his pain and helplessness. 

"Ah." Mike winced. "Levi stop."

Levi only stared at the syringe, seeing nothing else. His fingers shook and dug deeper in response. Suddenly, he found himself dropped to the floor. Mike winced, passing his left hand on his right forearm which had four bloody lines trailing it. "Shit." He muttered.

He looked at Levi who was kneeling on all four, already having crawled a step forward to come closer to Marcus who looked at him with lips slightly lifted at one side as Hange kept talking to him. Mike bent down and grabbed him up, wrapping both of Levi's arms in the process this time.

"No no no..." Levi kicked with his legs, swirled his upper body. Nothing was working.

"Levi please calm down."

He was turned around to face the door, and he was walked outside of the room. Levi breathed in, realizing that he had no power to fight the unstoppable drag.

"Ahhhhh." He screamed desperately in response, face twisting as though he was crying but without a single tear.

Mike took a look around, finding all the warehouse workers halting their movement, all eyes laying on his friend widely, Erdmann being the closest of them all to stand right next to the door with a paling face. Mike wanted to hide him; As humanity's strongest soldier, Levi was a known face, the least he wanted was for this to end up in tomorrow's newspaper. However, the raven was still struggling relentlessly. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Mike whispered in his ear, placing a hand on his mouth to muffle his scream. He felt a layer of sweat and saliva stick to his palm, but he couldn't care less about it now.

Levi kept his struggles, he kept on talking against Mike's hand nonstop, the blonde able to distinguish many curses through the muffled speech.

Though much shorter than the blonde, Levi was heavy, and eventually, his struggles got to the taller man once he reached the horses outside. Mike glanced back towards the warehouse, worried about Hange still being there by herself with Erdmann and that dark-haired guy who sent him an uneasy feeling. He wanted to go back in for her, if only Levi would cease his struggle and calm.

"I'm gonna remove my hand now. Please stay quiet. You're making a scene, Levi, it's not good." 

As soon as Mike took off his hand, a train of curses escaped Levi's lips, not skipping any curse on the book. Mike didn't mind that as much as he did the swirls of his body. When he let him go, he slowly guided him down to sit him on the ground, but the dark-haired was struggling again to head towards the warehouse, making Mike grab him again.

"Let go 'f me." 

"I'm sorry Levi."

Just as Mike looked up with a worried expression, he felt relieved to find Hange walking out towards them.

"Come on." He rushed her.

"Yes." And she yelled back, her eyes scrutinizing the shorter man as she rushed their way, crouching beside him on the ground. "Hey, are you okay?" She asked him softly.

For once, Levi stopped his painful struggle and gave up to his exhaustion. He did not care if Mike knew or not, he no longer had enough lucidity to think. He looked at Hange with clear eyes. "I want the drug. P-please let me have it."

"I'm sorry, Levi. It's only a few days left."

"No." His face twisted like he would cry, again, except that he didn't have any tears, again. "I don't want to wait anymore. It's p-pointless. Please H-Hange."

Hange looked at him with a pained expression. She really is a devil... "I'm sorry." She muttered.

Soon as she said that, Levi restored his struggles, prompting Mike to hold him again.

"Let m' fuckin' go...Ahhhhh." 

"Fuck." Mike cursed, compelled to tighten his hold and to cover his friend's mouth again. He hated having to do that, he had so much respect for him he never thought such a thing would ever occur. He looked back at Hange and went on with fast speech. "We can't have him riding on a horse with us when he's acting this way. I'll take him to the ruins of the old city hall, he can scream all he wants in there without grabbing attention. You go rent us a cart. We'll meet back in there."

Chapter Text

Erdmann walked into the room, closing the door behind him with his gaze fixed on his right-hand man. His face looked pale and sweat covered his forehead abundantly.

"How many times have I told you to stop doing that?"

Marcus sniffed casually, looking down at the syringe in his hand and disconnecting its needle. "He needs to learn to be scared of us. If he gets away with not listening to what we tell him once, he will do it again. We will lose our grip on him, then it'll all head to shit."

"We did have him under our grip by the drug. You 'making him scared of us' was heard in my office, it was two fucking thuds, and it had that redheaded bitch slip here to check."

Marcus walked to the leather bag by the door near Erdmann. "Don't worry, they won't tell on us. If they were to they would've showed up with MPs instead of coming here alone."

"Goddamit Marcus, you are so blind." Erdmann cursed, feeling too angry and anxious about the situation. The apathy and overconfidence of his friend made him even more frustrated. "It's not just the woman, now that man knows too. We can't know how many more of them know. And he hasn't even taken the drug. They are denying him and will continue to."

"They have a dose, they will give it to him." Marcus replied, placing the syringe back into the box.

"No, I'm not letting it up for chance this time. This has gotten outta hand, we need to make it stop immediately. I know exactly what to do." Erdmann said, eyes wide with apprehension and sinister intentions.

"Hm...hm...hm...hm..."

Mike wiped his mouth with his palm as a disturbed frown split his forehead. Ever since he reached the old city hall building and set Levi free, he saw him curl and move on the floor without stop, every part of him spasming at different intervals. He was whimpering with each breath, turning from one side to another with eyes closed and a pained expression.

He turned on his knees now with his upper body bent forward, scratching his forehead and nose against the dusty floor he would usually despise coming close to. His right hand shook as it scratched the marblefloor beneath him.

"Hm...hm...hm..."

Mike turned away to face him with his back. He could not stand looking at him anymore. He felt his heart ache just having to hear those noises. His friend was not well for days, but this was the first time he saw and heard him be this bad.

"Hm...hm...hm..."

The whimpers continued as Mike's fingernails dug deep into his palm, so much they could draw blood. He wanted to go back at once to Erdmann and even up his face to the floor for having made his friend suffer this much. Usually, he was a thinking person, Mike was rarely the man to be dragged by emotions, but now, he was so pained and angered his heart started to physically hurt him.

He returned back to Levi and kneeled beside him a second time. It hurt him so much to watch, but it hurt him even more when he turned away to leave him suffer alone. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder to find it twitching with alternating spasms.

"Hm...hm..."

"Levi, what's wrong? I know it hurts, but you've never been this bad before."

Levi only continued to whimper, scratching his forehead on the floor with more aggression, digging his fingernails on the floor deeper. Mike stopped his movement.

"Hey." He murmured softly, raising his head up and sliding one palm under his forehead to protect it.

Levi rested on Mike's warm palm for a second, feeling excruciating pain in his abdomen. He could not stand the spasms on these sore muscles. Marcus had completely fucked him up, everything hurt so bad already, that particular area felt like burning acid. He felt Mike help him turn on his side with care. Coming into his view, he looked up at him, finding a pained expression twisting his usually impassive features.

"Talk to me, Levi." Mike said, heart tightened.

Levi let out another whimper, face completely drenched with a heat wave that he couldn't even care for with all of the intense pain. Only one more whimper! When suddenly his pained eyes widened and his entire body turned rigid and contracted.

"Hmmmm." A shaky long moan escaped him through lips that pressed together with tension, joining every other part of his body that contracted at the same moment. 

"What the fuck!" Mike felt his heartbeats jack up until he saw Levi's body loosen. He could not believe there was any pain that was more intense than what he was feeling until he saw him turn into that for a few seconds. And now he was back to lay limp, closing his eyes as his face twisted again, whimpers restored with an even higher intensity.

"Ah...ah...ah…" Levi let out, feeling the pain in his abdomen unbearable to take.

Mike felt helpless. He wished he could split the pain up with his friend not having to watch him suffer this much. He placed a hand on his shoulder, pressing so slightly, enough to show his support but without causing him pain.

"I'm so sorry." He didn't know what he was apologizing for exactly, in his mind it was for not being able to do anything to help.

"M-Mike." Levi let out, eyes still closed, hair still drenched and stuck on his pale forehead, dirtied by the dusty floor.

"Yes." The blonde brought his face forward, not wanting to miss whatever he had to tell him with his feeble tone. Levi cracked his eyes open.

"I n-need the drug... P-please!..." He said, or rather begged as his eyebrows met in the middle with pain. "I c-cannot take this 'nymore."

Mike felt his heart break. He found his chest tight when he took in a breath, mouth twisted downwards as he stared down at the pained greys. 

"I know." He replied, not really sure what to do. Mike had to look away again, unable to look his friend in the eyes with all of the pain they held, ashamed of his inability.

"P-please." Levi whispered as he closed his eyes, almost like he fell into delirium before he restored his whimpers.

Mike stood up, swallowing hard and facing him with his back again. He cannot stand this anymore. Those fucking bastards he would kill them! His fingernails dug deep into his palms again with every whimper that escaped Levi, until he heard Hange's voice echo through the old walls with the call of his name.

Mike rushed out to the hall that leads to the main entrance where he found her. 

"There you are. I got us a cart." She said, but he continued to walk her way in silence, cutting her off only when he was close enough to speak with a low voice.

"Hange, Levi's not good."

Her gaze moved briefly between his blues, heart falling into her stomach. "What happened?"

"He's been in pain for days, but I don't think I've ever seen him worse than he is now. It's gotten... more intense, if that's even possible."

Hange thought a second with open mouth. "It's because he exerted effort."

"You don't know that."

"What are you saying?" 

"You did say that Erdmann told him it's only going to get worse."

"Well yes but-"

"What if all of this time he's being tortured for nothing?"

Hange looked down to the floor, Mike's words pressing exactly where it hurt her. Her voice was deeper when she spoke next. "There's only one way we can find out. He may really be tortured for nothing, but he may be tortured to eventually get over it."

"What if something happens to him? I'm telling you he's not looking good at all."

Hange raised back her gaze to see the fret in her taller friend.

This time, it was his turn to escape her to the floor, face pale. "What, what if he-"

"Don't." Hange stopped him.

It was nothing she hadn't contemplated before. She was scared shitless of that outcome. But she needed to test her two-week theory. They had already crossed more than half of it, it would be a huge waste to let all of that time go for nothing.

"I'm watching over him, Mike. I have a dose hidden and I will know when to intervene if needed. But until the two-week period ends, trust me to take care of him and keep him well." She told him, growing the pile of her responsibility and guilt even more. "Come on, let's get him home."

Chapter Text

Hange looked down at Levi with a worried expression, a slight frown plastered on her face. Ever since Mike forced him on the cart, he's been whimpering nonstop, curling and contracting and rolling around from one side to another. Mike was right; he'd always been bad but never this bad.

She placed a hand on his shoulder, not knowing what to do.

"Levi..."

"...hm...hm...hm..." He didn't seem to hear, only withdrawn into his own head, drowning in the pain as his eyebrows twisted agonizingly.

"Dammit..." Hange's eyebrows met in the middle. She should finally be relieved that he'd stopped his struggles to leave the cart, but instead, she found herself scared of his giving up.

The sound of his whimpers pressed at her heart, she envied Mike for being their driver not having to hear them. But they were finally close to home, and here Mike had entered the old castle.

Levi returned to his hassle as soon as Mike brought him down.

"F-fuck." He cursed once he spotted that they were in the headquarter's yard. It looked like he almost wanted to cry. "I don't want t' go back th're...L-let go..."

Mike's voice was too low and deep as he replied, like he was ashamed to even argue. "It's for the best, Levi. Please." 

Levi continued to struggle between his arms. He hated how easily his attempts got subdued, yet regardless, he pushed through the pain and did everything that he could to get out of Mike's hold. 

When he found himself being sat on the edge of his bed, he pushed his entire weight forward to get to the floor. Mike, who still stood there held him back, but Levi placed his hands on his forearms, pressing on them with frustration.

"Shit, Levi!" Mike hissed as Hange rushed to remove the hold on him.

It was good that Levi was weak, his fingers were too feeble as she pried them away. When he looked up at her, Hange saw the old coldness in his eyes, the one she had seen in him before when he had pushed her to the floor, full of pain and dissociation, ready to do anything to get what he wanted, to push anyone that stood on his way. Hange realized that whatever they would say would be the wrong answer for him now, and even though he was too weak to fight, that determined look kept her unsettled.

Replacing Mike to hold him in place, Hange slowly gave in to Levi's pressure as he pushed himself forward, slowly aiding him to get to the floor safely. When she let him go, he turned towards the door expectedly.

Hange turned to Mike who was examining his arms. She placed a hand on his back and gave him a tiny push towards the door. 

"Let's go."

Mike looked up with surprise when he saw her preempt him there, removing the key from the inner knob and walking out to the corridor. It took him a second to follow after her, turning around for one last glance to spot Levi staring towards the door, eyes wide with shock as he looked at Hange, only then understanding her intent.

Looking back at the redhead, Mike found her head tilted down, lips curved downwards and eyebrows twisted with deep sadness as she turned the key to lock the door on Levi.

"He won't listen to us now. He'll only continue to struggle when he needs to preserve his energy." She said, voice a mere sad whisper. Mike couldn't tell if it was because she didn't want Levi to hear or if she had simply lost strength.

"Ah, yes." He agreed with slight hesitation. Not because he thought she was wrong, quite the contrary. But rather because he saw how much her words contradicted her feelings. Hange's pain was palpable for him, he could see exactly how awful doing this made her feel even when she tried to hide it.

"Hmmm..." A shaky long moan escaped Levi, coming low but too clear from behind the door. Hange closed her eyes in response, hand tightening against the knob to shake. She recognized that stroked voice, he was getting one of these simultaneous contractions. He must be feeling horrible! She swallowed hard when Mike placed a hand on hers that steadied it.

"Let him calm down. You said it, he'll only struggle against us if we go in, and that will cause him even more pain. I'll wait here in case he needs something." He whispered to her, accepting to stay there so she could leave. Mike could've sworn her eyes looked as tormented as Levi's.

Hange nodded with a shaky breath, turning to look at the floor. Levi wasn't supposed to strain himself, especially considering the amount of energy he'd spent to get to Trost today. Every single time that occurred, it ended badly. Not to mention the fact that he was barely eating anything; Except for one glass of juice a day that he rarely finishes, he wouldn't accept to drink twice. Hange didn't blame him, as it was hell for him to digest it. In just nine days, he had lost so much weight that he would hardly be recognizable if seen standing from behind. Yet as much as her logic seemed clear, her heart couldn't help but ache at the sound of his voice.

"Hm... hm...hmm..."

Levi's whimpers grew louder as he continued to approach the door, a few seconds later, the door vibrated with little scratchy noises. Knowing that Levi was there, Hange withdrew her hand from the knob to her side in reflex. 

"...O-open the door." Levi's pained voice reached. He knocked against the wood, weak and unorganized. "...I know you're in there."

Hange couldn't look anywhere else but the floor.

"Open it." Levi strained again, closing his eyes and scraping his scalp against the wood. He knocked again louder, with every bit of strength he had left.

Mike took one step back, wiping his mouth that's been twisted with a feeling of renewed shame and sadness. How can he even face his friend after? But it is all for his well being...

Levi whimpered as he knocked another time. "L-let me out... why are you doing this?...Let me the f-fuck out." His voice grew more desperate as he continued. "I n-need the drug... hmm..."

It took every fiber of her being for Hange to remain quiet and ignore him. But she knew that he wouldn't listen; whatever she would say would make him angrier as long as he didn't get the answer he wanted, so the best they could do was to have him believe they weren't there until he calmed, to spare him the pain of the struggle.

Levi's palm was sweaty as he raised it and slammed it against the door - only one single thud that had his hand slide downwards as it lost strength. He stared at the floor without really seeing it, growing frustrated and angry at the denial.

"Open the f-fucking door...ah...." Finding no response, his frustration grew. "...Fuck you! F-fuck both of you!" He raged, eyes darkening as his next knocks grew louder with anger. "...You f-fuckers."

Mike and Hange stood in their places like statues, unmoving, faces pale, both staring at the floor, ashamed to even find one another's gaze.

"...Fuck you!" Levi repeated with another knock.

God it hurt him so much everywhere! He cannot stand it. Then soon, his frustration mixed with desperation when he began to realize that he would not get any response, that he'd be stuck in here with this awful pain without any relief. Levi pushed himself towards the door, his toes curling as if he could somehow pass through it. His face twisted as a sob escaped from his abdomen, aching his battered muscles even more and filling his eyes with tears in the process. He cannot stay here! Fuck! As soon as the traces of anger got swallowed, desperation took over Levi readily.

"...M-Mike, I'm s-sorry... P-please open the door... I-I will be good, I w-won't do anything... I p-promise..." He rasped.

Mike's face twisted with pain, turning to look further down. He wanted to go away not having to listen, but glancing Hange's pale form, he just couldn't leave her alone here.

Levi scratched at the wood, the sounds coming out shaky on the other side.

"...H-Hange...P-please open." He begged. "...Ahh..." He yelled, sliding to the floor with a crippling spasm that made his tears grow enough to fall on the floor. He despised that he was forced in here. No one could understand what he was feeling, if they only tasted one tiny bit of it, they would crumble to their knees. They would understand then, and they would never deny him. But here they kept him locked to deal with the unbearable, Hange ignored his will, and forced him into this situation when she could not understand. His hand scratched at the floor, abdomen contracting to curl him into a smaller form. "...Y-you don't understand... it h-hurts s-so much... ev'rywhere...Please..." Levi's voice was a mere plea, full of desperation.

Hange opened her mouth against her logic, but Mike was fast to hold his palm up and stop her, silently shaking his head. It's for the best, his eyes conveyed.

Levi's frustration took over again when he found no response. He reached a shaky fist to send another weak knock. "...I had trusted you with everything...Ahhh..." He cried bitterly. "H-how could you do this?... You fucking bitch..."

Hange's mouth opened wide. She could've sworn a dagger was plunged into her chest. She turned around and rushed away towards her room, unable to listen to him anymore.

Levi was right; he had trusted her with everything of all people. And for what? For her to force him into this torture, for her to be a devil and risk his life and sanity for a theory that may or may not be right. This had all started with his blessings, it was supposed to remain that way. But instead, she started making decisions for him, denying him, and now even locking him up in a room.

Her breath was heavy as she closed the door to her room behind her, staring at the clock on the nightstand ahead. Hange walked towards it and slid everything on there to the floor, creating a cacophony from the impact. She sat at the edge of her bed next, burying her face into her open palms and breaking down. She hated herself and completely deserved him hating her too.

Levi rested his head on the floor, losing any bit of strength. His voice continued to grow weaker, quieter, and more desperate. "...Please... I will do anything... hmm..."

Mike had almost pulled some of his hair seeing how tight he was pulling it. He withdrew his hands and turned his head immediately when a door at the left side opened and one of the squad leaders stepped out of it. He stared at Mike for a second as the blond stared back wide-eyed.

"Is...is everything okay?" The squad leader asked, eyeing Levi's door briefly.

Shit, Max was sick, of course, he would be in his room. Mike turned to face him with his full body, placing his hands on his hips, hiding all of his awful feelings behind a mask of nonchalance.

"Ah, yes, it’s fine…"He said. "Max, please go back to your room. I’ll tell you about it later." 

He hated the scene that was being created without him having any control to stop it. Mike kept his gaze on the shorter man who nodded and went back inside with a suspicious look.

As soon as he closed his door, the blonde turned around and crouched by Levi's door, placing a hand on the wood where he figured his friend would be laying against. He could not imagine what he must be feeling to get reduced to this, all because of that fucker Erdmann. It fucking broke his heart to hear him, he couldn't even spend a thought on the fact that he'll have to come up with a good lie to tell Max... 

Mike couldn't enjoy the moment of quiet for long. The sound of someone rushing up the stairs was heard. He got up to his feet at once, pretending to be casually standing in the corridor. When Erwin's head appeared, he let out a breath of relief.

"Mike? You came back!? I was just gonna come after you." Erwin uttered with shock as soon as he glanced him.

"And let Erdmann know that you know." Mike noted, unimpressed, striding towards the blonde with impatient steps.

"I’ve been waiting here for four hours, I stopped caring for collateral damage. I had to know he was fine." Erwin voiced.

That coincided with a weak knock from Levi's door. His blues deviated to the side, glancing at it before coming back to meet the squad leader who blocked his way before he could step any closer to the room. 

"So you found him!" Erwin's lips raised up slightly at the side.

"Yes, but he’s not well. He’s been getting outta hand, we barely managed to drag him here. Had he been in his usual shape, he would’ve kicked my ass." Mike said, glancing briefly at his forearms that had clear bloody lines tracing them. He remained silent for a second, watching the little smile disappear from his commander. Another knock was heard followed by a weak groan. "...I think we have a problem here, Erwin."

Mike let Erwin remain there with Levi, telling him he needed to see Hange for a minute. He warned him not to make a sound. After all, the dark-haired had finally reduced his struggles. The least they wanted was for him to throw another tantrum. 

It was hard for Erwin to follow that. Levi was calm. He could hear some slight sounds of movements, and occasional weak groans coming from him, each tugging at the commander's heart.

Twice he had placed a hand on the key and attempted to unlock and walk in, but twice he would let go when he remembered the seriousness in Mike's eyes as he had warned him.

Erwin turned around, facing the door with his back as he gritted his teeth. He still could not believe this was happening, more so that the person behind it was out and unbothered. 

He cursed under his breath, walking further away to the wall across not to have to hear the weak groans anymore.

Levi continued his feeble crawls, finally reaching his destination. His arm wobbled as he propped himself up, grabbing the windowsill with a shaky but strong grip. He lifted himself up with hardship, resting his armpit against the sill as he looked down at the ground outside. He was one floor up. He may die if he takes the jump, but he may also escape from the confinement those fuckers had forced him into... And with all of this pain, who said that dying was a bad idea?...

Mike knocked on Hange's door without getting a response. He was insistent, though, doing it again and again. He knew she was in there because it was the direction she rushed towards, and he knew that Levi had struck a painful nerve for her.

Hange opened the door after five minutes. Her eyes were dry but it was easy for Mike to know that she was crying.

"You really don't give up, don't you."

"It's what you learn working for the Survey Corps." He smiled at her.

Hange couldn't help but snort as she opened the door further for him to walk in. Mike stepped in and stopped at the middle, glancing the mess of things that laid beside Hange's nightstand, before he turned to face her. He stared at her a moment in silence before he started talking.

"You do realize that he doesn't actually mean anything of what he said, do you?"

Instinctively, Hange looked down at the floor. She wasn't really sure anymore, there was truth in it, she deserved it...

"Hey Hanj." Mike took a step forward to approach her. "You've been the only person helping him through all of this. The Levi we know would appreciate that. You're not gonna hold him accountable for talking shit while in a mindless state."

"I'm not holding him accountable." Hange shook her head, raising it back to look at Mike. She was silent for a second, feeling tears threatening to invade her vision again. "It's just that... He's right to think that."

"He's not thinking it. He just said it. He's in pain, he would say anything."

"No, Mike. I deserve it." Hange looked down to the floor again. Her voice shook slightly as she went on. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to help him, not to force him. I was selfish. Despite Erdmann saying that it will only get worse and his words turning out right, despite doctor Braun warning us that he'll be in danger if it continues. Fuck, he even fell unconscious from a seizure and I just... continued to deny him. I continue to, till now... All because of a theory that may not even be right..."

God that possibility tormented her... Hange's vision blurred when she felt Mike's firm hand fall on her shoulder. She couldn't look up.

"Everything you did, you did it for him. If there is a possibility he could get over this hell, I'm sure that Levi -in his right mind- will want to take it. You are doing what he would want. To be honest with you, Hange, I had doubted you when I watched him get tortured in the city hall ruins. So be sure that if there is anyone, who would tell you you're doing wrong, it would be me. But the longer time I spent with him in that state, hearing him beg like that, the more I got the feeling that I wanted to prevent it. We can't have him rely on that bastard forever. So if there is any hope, that he may get over it, I would rather take it... I would do the same things you did too."

Hearing that, Hange let out a shaky breath and looked back up to meet Mike's eyes, surprised by his last sentence. She found sincerity in him, one that soothed her soul.

"There's no sense for you to think that way, Hange. You're doing what is right. He's alive, isn't he? So just continue with your plan, it's the only chance we have."  

Chapter Text

About fifteen minutes had passed when Erwin spotted Mike and Hange appear at the end of the hallway. He sighed with relief, pushing himself from the wall he had been leaning against and taking a slow step toward them. At least their company could take his mind off his troubling thoughts.

"Has he calmed down?" Hange whispered once they reached him.

Erwin nodded in response. "He hasn't made a sound for the past ten minutes."

"That's good."

"You guys can leave. I'll stay here in case he gets back at it. I don't have any particular work left for the day, you two probably have more to do." Mike murmured, taking a step to the wall across from Levi's room and sitting down against it. His legs created two mountains in front of him. 

Hange glanced at Levi's door before turning back to Mike.

"I can't leave." She shrugged, her gaze dropping to the floor. "I hope you don't mind that, Erwin, but if I get to work with this mind, I'll mess everything up."

"It's alright." Erwin murmured. He watched as Hange sat beside Mike, creating two mountains with her legs too. He sighed, staring down at them. "I want to stay too, but unfortunately I have a meeting with someone from the Garrison. It's actually concerning you, Hange."

"Me?"

"You failed to attend a preset meeting with one of the Garrison's higher-ups. He's here to complain."

"Schneider! " The redhead whispered, her irritation evident even in the hushed tone.

"Wait, didn't you just say you were coming after us?" Mike asked Erwin, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. Levi was missing then. The last time that happened, he disappeared for almost two months without a trace. Had I gone into the meeting with that on my mind, I would've probably messed everything up too." Erwin glanced at Hange, borrowing her sentence.

"It would've been nice, though, having you fail to show up to the preset meeting —exactly what Schneider came here to complain about." 

"You really dislike the man, don't you?"

"He's got a superiority complex, that would set his ego back to its real size." 

Erwin's lips lifted slightly at Hange's irritation.

"Either way, the man is better off being an ally than an enemy, so you better keep those feelings in check, at least when you deal with him." He warned, knowing his hotheaded subordinate and her sharp tongue, though it was nothing compared to Levi's. Erwin had always warned him too, but he never listened. Now all he wished was for him to come back as he was before —even if to bad mouth every prominent military member, Erwin didn't care... He turned to the side grudgingly. "I'll come back as soon as I'm done."

Both squad leaders looked behind Erwin's trail, watching him walk down the corridor with his perfect posture. Once he disappeared down the stairs, they turned to look ahead at Levi's door. Mike sighed first, followed by Hange.

"You think he'll be fine?" She asked with a low voice.

"I hope so."

...A bit of silence took over, joined by the utter silence coming out of Levi's room.

"Do you remember when he first joined us? He surely hated my guts for having pushed his head into sewage." Mike muttered, the scratches on his forearm reminding him of Levi's old rage. "I didn't know he was such a clean freak back then."

"Yeah. You got introduced to it the hard way." Hange responded, referencing how long it took for Levi to eventually warm up to Mike. 

A sad hint took over her as she remembered her friend back then —so strong, so feared, so stoic, so uncontrollable. The stark contrast of what Erdmann has made of him was really enraging.

Mike chortled, remembering another memory from when Levi became captain. Hange smiled weakly, one memory leading to the next, all making them realize how much they loved the man behind that locked door. They spent the next long minutes reminiscing until Hange got to her feet, aiming to go make Levi some juice; he hadn't eaten anything in over 24 hours.

As soon as Mike spotted Hange reappear with a wooden mug, he stepped towards Levi's room. He turned the inserted key, pushing the door slowly open.

He couldn't spot Levi at first, not until he saw the mountain of messy blankets on the bed move slightly. His heart tightened with apprehension, already knowing what awaited him —he'd be seeing his friend's pain again.

Mike stepped closer without finding Levi's face, his head was completely buried underneath the blankets. His entire body trembled, and it made Mike realize why he was silent; he was suffering a cold wave.

Levi shook erratically, feeling his bones as ice. His body hurt everywhere, his abdomen hurting most with the additional soreness. The shakes of the cold added to his spasms to rend him unrestable. Why did he even get back from the window? He should've thrown himself to death. He now deeply regretted having withdrawn, had he any strength or ability to take the cold and move, he would surge toward it again and take the jump.

"Levi." Mike called softly, never getting used to how small his friend could look when curled. Levi didn't seem to hear.

Placing the mug on the nightstand, Hange sat beside him on the mattress. She carefully uncovered his face to find his teeth clattering aggressively, his eyes closed, his bangs stuck to his forehead. If only he wouldn't be so drenched when he gets cold... For a second, he didn't even seem aware of their presence. Hange couldn't help but pass a tender hand on his face, pushing the stuck strands from it.

Grey eyes opened with hardship, meeting browns. Levi couldn't even control the clatters. He usually always tried to resist them whenever Hange was close. His lips looked too pale, too much it sent Hange a feeling of coldness despite the summer heat.

Yet even in that condition, he didn't seem to have forgotten their previous encounter. Levi withdrew his head back from her touch. 

"G-go away...leav-ve me 'lone." His eyes fixed on her as he whispered, the pain dominating them and swallowing what otherwise could've been an angry gaze. 

Hange was acquainted with Levi's condition. She knew exactly how long it took for a cold wave to fade, and when a heat wave would begin. She knew when Levi had it worst, and when he was more willing to accept drinking the juice. It was all like clockwork to her.

She and Mike had to leave him not to cause him more disturbance. He kept asking them to go, and with the cold he was suffering, the least they wanted was to cause him more burdens.

The cold wave was at its peak when they went in, now it should be at its end with only minor traces left. Hange hoped the juice still had its nutrients as she shoved it into Erwin's hand. Levi was mad at her and Mike, which left only him with a chance to get him to drink. The dark-haired never wanted to drink it before anyway, if she were to leave him he'd starve without even asking for it.

Hange made sure to warn the blonde about everything, she took time to explain that it could cause Levi spasms, and that the first thirty minutes until the juice is passed could cause his gut to wrench. Erwin couldn't help but grind his teeth at yet another reason he wanted to see Erdmann sentenced to life.

Regardless of that, he hadn't seen Levi since last night and he was eager to see him again.

Erwin unlocked the door. He walked in to find the captain laying on his side, blankets brought down to his hip. His greys looked faded as they spotted the blond stepping towards him. Erwin felt a sense of danger from how sick Levi looked, like he could lose him at any second.

"Hey, Levi." He cooed.

"...Erw-win." The dark-haired whispered exhaustedly.

"Yes." The commander replied, voice coming too soft again. He placed the mug on the nightstand and sat on the bed near him, eyes wide with interest. "What is it, Levi?"

"Y-you have to...h-help me... I need the drug." Levi's toes curled, he dug his heels into the mattress, pushing himself slightly upwards with the wrenching pain.

Erwin avoided his gaze for a brief second. "I know. But think for a second, Levi. I know it hurts, but Hange's theory is worth a try. We have already crossed more than half of it, and we can never know for sure unless we finish these days. You understand that, right? Don't you think it's worth the wait?"

"It's p-pointless." Levi shook his head, every part of his body alternating to spasm. "Everything Erdmann said turned out right... I asked Marcus... he was s-sure this leads nowhere... it isn't like any..thing-ngh..." Levi stopped and turned his head down, burying his face into the pillow and covering it from the blonde.

Next thing, his entire body contracted and stiffened, creating a disturbed expression on Erwin's face who didn't know what to do.

Levi muffled the groans that followed with the pillow once he returned back to his flexible state. He felt Erwin's hand lay on him, and he turned to him again with impatience, seeking the answer. Erwin escaped his pained greys.

"I'm sorry Levi. I know it hurts but... it's just five days left, you've already gone through nine. It's less than half. Be patient."

"Why does none of you f-fucking understand? If you were to know...hm..." His thin eyebrows twisted upward. Then before Erwin could know it, Levi's hand suddenly landed on his shoulder, clutching his shirt to pull him slightly. "It's not just five days... every second is f-fucking hell...all of it f-for nothin'...so don't you tell me 's just five days...Erwin, please!...y-you would understand...please..."

Erwin felt his heart tighten and his face twist to Levi's expression. He's never seen him this helpless before. Actually, he has never seen him succumb to helplessness at all! He was the one to always accept whatever misfortune life throws his way and push forward like it was nothing. He always pushed forward, always. Erwin could feel just how helpless he was from the tight grip he kept. He couldn't help but grind his teeth again. How can he possibly respond to all of that pain?

His voice came out too low as he spoke his next words.

"I am sorry, Levi. The plan is worth a try-"

Levi was staring at him, hopeful, shaky fist clutching the white fabric with all the strength he had. When he heard Erwin wasn't going to agree, he pushed him back then rolled in the other direction. His exhausted muscles wobbled as he got to the edge of the bed, intentions clear.

"Where are you going?" Erwin asked, standing to his feet.

Levi didn't answer, he descended to the floor instead, a train of curses escaping his lips as his palms throbbed to the contact. He doesn't need any of them, he'll go get it himself. So he thought, when he found Erwin's boots appearing in front of him to block his way. Erwin crouched down, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. 

"Levi, please listen. Think of what I told you, you'll see that it's the most reasonable thing and that it is the best option we have. You are usually a very reasonable man. I know that the pain is bad, I know it's hindering you from thinking clearly, but try to, be patient."

It was so hard for Levi to remain there through the newly added pain from the fall down, but god did he try. With his head lolled down, he muttered. "...You d-don't understand..."

"I'm sorry." Erwin uttered, hand squeezing his shoulder. Levi crawled a step, but was met by resistance from the hand that still engulfed him. "Please listen,..."

But Levi could not anymore, not with all of this pain, not when he was going to deny him of what he wanted most. Nothing Erwin could say could convince him that he didn't need it, not when he felt this way.

"N-no..." He tried to push against the grip, hearing Erwin utter more words that he could not anymore decipher. "Nghh..." He did everything he could, pushing through waves of pain, but it was as effective as a pissing cicada.

Realizing that he was overpowered and about to be forced to take the unbearable for five more days, Levi closed his eyes.

"Ahhhhh." He yelled helplessly, both from the pain in his body and the pain of the realization.

Erwin's eyebrows took a trip up, words getting caught in his throat. He heard Mike's warning but he could not envision Levi actually being like this. It hurt him to see his strongest ally, the most stoic man he knew, get reduced to it.

Mike and Hange who were waiting behind the door entered at once with the yell, Mike making it his mission to cover Levi's mouth lest Max get alarmed again. 

"Please, calm down." Mike told him as he began to struggle helplessly between his arms. He knew that it caused him pain, and it pained him that he couldn't make it stop. "Shit!"

Levi's curses got all muffled into Mike's big hand. His eyes were twisted as he stared at Hange who was staring at him with a horrified expression, telling him something that Levi just couldn't hear, didn't want to hear. Then Erwin was addressing Mike with a regretting expression on his face.

Next thing Levi knew, he was carried up by the tall blonde to be walked outside into the corridor.

It was the end of the work day. The officers would be coming back to their quarters and Erwin couldn't risk Levi screaming and dragging attention to his condition in his room.

The commander was as always fast to consider the options. Not that it was an easy decision to move Levi to one of the basement cells, but it was the best, considering that it kept him from escaping all while granting him the freedom to do as he wanted when no one could hear him down there.

That night, Levi spent it all screaming and crying and rolling on the floor. His pain was too much, the loss of hope of ever escaping it for the next five days hurt almost as much, the betrayal of his friends, even more.

They took turns checking on him over the night, none of them even willing to look him in the eye. Not that he wanted to see them anyway.

Levi had completely exhausted his power by the morning, voice too hoarse he was convinced no sound could escape him for days. He laid down on the floor in submission, surrendering to the spasms that didn't cease even despite his being completely drained of energy.

He curled into himself, feeling every part of him throb. He just wanted to disappear, to die, to cease to exist... Anything was better than what he was feeling right now. It simply hurt so much he wanted to die.

He couldn't tell whether Erwin, Hange, and Mike hadn't spoken to him before, or if they did but he just couldn't hear them among his hysteria. But now that he was quiet, whenever one of them appeared, they would say some gentle words. Levi didn't have any energy to reply, but if he had, he would tell them to shut the fuck up.

Around lunchtime, the door to the cell was unlocked, and it was the first time the three of them appeared together. 

"...Levi, please! Drink one sip at least." One of them said after many ignored requests.

It was the first time Levi found some strength to speak again too, though granted, it came out scratched and whispered.

"...Fuck you all." He coldly voiced, facing the wall and leaving them all behind.

It didn't stop there, Levi refused to drink the next day too, making it the third he didn't. They were all getting concerned as they watched him continue to get skinnier and wither. He had lost so much weight in eleven days that he looked unrecognizable from the back, and with his shorter frame, he began to really resemble a child.

As much as that troubled the threesome, they had no choice but to wait, taking turns to watch over him until the remaining few days would end.

It was early evening in the survey corps headquarters, an unusual time for Erwin to fall asleep. He still had many reports to review when heavy drowsiness began to settle over him. His eyelids kept getting heavier by the moment it felt like a fight to resist them. He couldn't do anymore when his consciousness joined, slipping away from him slowly to force him to give up. Erwin's head laid on his desk, surrendering to the pulling sensation.

"Squad Leader!" Moblit called, shaking the redhead gently by her shoulder.

Hange's head rested on a table in the mess hall, mouth hanging open with some drool leaking from it. Almost everyone had left the place except for the few tasked with cleaning and them two.

"You shouldn't be sleeping here, let's move you to your room." Moblit shook her again, this time receiving some undistinguished mumble. 

Knowing how little sleep his superior usually got, it was no wonder she would surrender to the feeling in a place different than her room. Now that Moblit considered it, if he were to wake her up, she would probably go on to resist nature's call and find something to do instead of sleep. Looking her up and down, he let out a deep breath with a sleepy yawn, satisfied that she at least could get some sleep. Even in an uncomfortable position, it was better than nothing. 

Moblit stepped away, asking the cadet to skip cleaning that table not to wake her.

Mike went up to his room right after dinner, intending to rest up while Hange stayed with Levi before his turn came next. Usually, he slept late, but he didn't expect such drowsiness to take over him. Maybe he was tired from having not been sleeping well the past few days. He figured he would get a quick nap until his round came, not at all knowing that Hange had fallen asleep in the mess hall instead of getting back to the basement.  

As soon as he placed his head on his pillow, he fell into a deep sleep, far from being easy to wake up from within just half an hour... 

Chapter Text

Even though Marcus had assured him that the drug was effective for eight hours, the young soldier couldn't help but feel his palms sweat as he rummaged through Hange’s pockets for a key. The squad leader's head laid heavily on the table, traces of her drool testifying to the truthfulness of Marcus's statement.

He’s been working in the Scout’s kitchen for months now, so it wasn’t hard for him to slip some of the powder he was handed into the Commander’s drink, two of the squad leaders, both their aids, and all of the Levi squad. It was especially easy considering that the sous-chef was helping him, directing him to prepare each of their plates.

Erdmann was always a careful man, so it was natural for him to recruit his people as partners to cover up each other's tracks. This job, however, was different than what he usually gave them. Never had they been tasked with intervening in the Scout’s business before, nor had they been questioned about it. Only lately did Marcus start inquiring about Captain Levi whenever he met them to receive the smuggled goods. So, to suddenly ask them to drug all of these important figures was strange.

The soldier had a bad feeling about it, but the money he got paid with each smuggle was a very fair amount, and they were promised double for today's job! He sighed with relief, finding the key in Hange's breast pocket. He was done with cleaning and everyone had already left the mess hall, but he knew that the sous-chef was still waiting for him in the kitchen.

“I got it.” He said as he walked there.

“Good. Now we wait for everyone to go to sleep, then move.”

Levi's heels dug deeply into the mattress as he pushed himself up. His forehead pressed against the wall, seeking some coolness. He felt hot, exhausted, and in so much pain —nothing new, but nothing he could get used to.

"Hm...hm..." He whimpered, his voice echoing off the wall to return to his ears as broken whispers.

For the past hours, he hadn't even noticed the absence of his usual companions, he was rather lost in his own mind. He had scraped on the floor, curled up in the corner, and now tossed on the bed, no place bringing him any comfort.

Levi didn't even take notice of the approaching steps, nor the sound of the cell lock being turned. It was only when a sudden hand laid on his shoulder that he realized he had company inside.

He flinched, less from startlement than from the soreness the contact caused him. Levi turned to look behind him. His eyes widened to find two people standing there, their heads wrapped in dark scarves leaving only their eyes to peek through narrow slits. 

"What the fu...!" He exclaimed, his voice too raspy. 

“Don’t worry, Captain, we’re not here to hurt you.” Said the one at the front. “Erdmann sent us here. He wants to see you. He said you'd come with us once we told you that.”

The moon was nearly full in the night sky, casting silver rays on the silent woods. A cart rumbled along the rocky path with humanity's strongest soldier laying on its back. 

Levi closed his eyes. He tried to keep his lips joined so as not to make noises. The image of the syringe kept reappearing behind his closed lids, creating butterflies in his sore stomach each time. He couldn't wait to finally experience that again —the feeling of ecstasy, of relief from this pain and spasms. How he longed to have the steadiness and control again! He had been in this condition for so long he forgot what it was like to be pain-free. 

Sitting across from him was one of the two scarfed soldiers. The young man's gaze glued on the captain the entire way; The light was dim, but he could clearly see his skin glisten with sweat, and his eyebrows contort with pain. The captain's face looked deathly pale, lips so white they nearly blended with the rest of his skin. On top of that, he was constantly shifting, unable to stay still for more than a few seconds.

This was Captain Levi, the strongest man alive, the one who freaked him out just by passing him in the headquarters hallways. Now, he looked so unfittingly small and weak. Sure, the scout knew him to be short, but his aura had always outshone that. It was as though he just got to realize now how small he actually was, or maybe it was because the captain was far skinnier than usual that he did. Even his trademark undercut had grown out to lose its shade, turning all of his hair pitch black. It was the longest he'd seen the Captain's hair be, and the first time he saw traces of facial hair on him too —albeit thin and scattered.

All was a riddle for the scout whose bad gut feeling intensified. What the fuck were they doing smuggling out the Captain of the Survey corps? And what in the world was happening to him to look this sick?  Remembering the sum of money, the young man looked behind at the moon with a dismissive sigh.

The cart finally stopped in an isolated area in the middle of the woods. Soon, the deep voices of two men broke through the silence, a bit far for Levi to make out what they were saying —not that he cared to know in his awful state.

The man who was riding on the back with him helped him descend the cart. As soon as his feet landed on the grass, Levi felt his knees about to buckle beneath him. He tightened his shaky fist on the scarfed man's shirt, attempting his best not to fall. Just a few more minutes and he would be getting what he craved...

He was surprised to find the other scarfed man  —who had been driving the cart— standing a few feet away next to a tree, talking to none other than that fucker Marcus. The tall brunet turned to Levi as soon as he entered his field of vision, his lips twisting into a smirk, his brown eyes shiny, reflecting the moon in them.

"The fuck 're you doing here?...They said they're t-takin' me to Erdmann." Levi spat as soon as he caught his eye, hating how broken and hoarse his voice came out. Marcus lifted an eyebrow.

"I will take you to Erdmann alright." He replied, expression changing once he turned to the man helping Levi. "Put him on my cart." 

The last thing Levi glanced was Marcus throwing a coin pouch to the man standing with him.

It didn't take long for the drive with Marcus to start when Levi experienced a simultaneous contraction. He wanted to scream, to cry, to die... Had he enough awareness, he would've felt grateful that Marcus was at the front and not watching him as he laid helpless, scraping his head on the dust beneath him to leave a trace of damp sweat. Just a few more minutes... 

After about an hour of driving, the tall man finally came to a stop. It was very late at night. Levi laid lethargic in his place, having lost the strength to even toss around. His head was heavy on the wood, lips parted, eyes fixed on the moon half lidded until Marcus appeared to block his view.

"We're here." He announced. Marcus could’ve sworn Levi wasn’t seeing him despite his eyes being fixed right on him. They hadn’t shifted from their place since he found him staring at the moon, and now they rested on his chest, looking unfocused and distant.

A long arm snaked around Levi’s waist, crushing his sore muscles to keep him from falling. Unlike the man from earlier, Marcus was far from being gentle when he brought him down. 

Levi's groan got caught in his throat when he realized where they were; it was the place where he had spent almost two months broken into pieces. The cabin. It looked the same as he remembered it from the outside, its sheer curtains revealing a warm light filling the room inside.

That distraction lasted only a second before the pain took over again. Levi placed his hand on Marcus's.

"W-wait." He winced, pulling it weakly, feeling it press where his muscles were most sore because of this bastard's same hand. At least this time, Marcus wasn't a complete ass as he did move his hand a bit back in response.

The door to the cabin opened before the two could reach it. Erdmann's big frame appeared there, head almost brushing the frame top.  His piercing eyes fixated on the raven, a sense of relief settling in his forehead crease.

"There you are, Levi." He said, opening the door wider. 

Marcus continued to guide the raven in. He felt his spasms go unceasingly, alternating from one spot to another without a moment's rest. He couldn't help but be impressed once again by the Scout's captain; anyone else would've been screaming nonstop at this stage. He'd seen people at much earlier stages screaming at the top of their lungs at how unbearable it felt. How this man could wait this long, and still be able to walk and hold a conversation was completely beyond him.

The living room was decently cleaned as usual, the sofa that had been moved into the side room for Levi to sleep on was back to its initial position at the center. Levi found himself being sat there, a soft groan escaping him. 

Erdmann stood at the side with his arms crossed. He watched as Marcus settled Levi in with a constant gaze, small body laying limply against the backrest, too exhausted to work a muscle. His bangs clung to his forehead, fully drenched, light eyes contrasted with dark circles beneath them. Erdmann didn't think he could look any sicker than he did three days ago in his office, but somehow, he did.

Yet, despite being drained, Levi was impatient to turn his head and seek the blue eyes.

"Gi'mme the drug." He ordered, hating how his voice came out a whisper.

Erdmann walked to the sofa with deliberate steps. "That you will get. But first, we need to clarify a few things." 

Levi's eyes tracked the blonde as he approached. He remained silent, only staring up until Erdmann stopped right before him. He was expecting the drug, so the disappointment of having to wait longer was hard for him to hide. Pain consumed him enough that even one second made a difference. 

"Believe me when I tell you I never wanted to do this. But you left me no choice, Levi." The blonde continued, an unusual expression taking over his face. "I told you to keep this between us, did I not? It was my main condition. Yet I got to find that that crazy redhead knows. And then the giant blonde. How do I even know if it isn't the entirety of the Corps?"

Levi was still spasming so badly. He curled a bit when his abdomen contracted and he swallowed a whimper, literally so as he swallowed hard to keep it down. He still kept his gaze up regardless, hoping the sound of his following shaky breath had escaped the taller man's ear. He needed to get his shit together, just a few more minutes...

Before he could answer, Marcus sniffed from the side where he had retreated. "I'm very disappointed too. He's been going around, running his mouth like a little bitch, just like his mother. Guess I gave him more credit than he deserves, should've seen that one coming."

Steely greys darted to the side like sharp daggers. "Talk about my mother again and I will snip your fucking head off." Levi was so lethargic that he couldn't even lift his head from the backrest, but that he spat. And despite his exhaustion, his eyes showed his complete intention to follow through with what he said. Even his voice came out unexpectedly firm, reflecting just how much that man got on his nerves. 

Surprisingly, Marcus remained silent, and it was Erdmann who spoke next.

"Apart from the redhead and the blonde, tell us who else knows." He asked, a sense of impatience and darkness clear in his tone.

Levi swallowed hard, catching the dark expression even in his consumed state. As much as he hated Hange and Mike for denying him, this was a completely different matter.

"Why?" He asked.

"I'm the one here asking the questions." Answered Erdmann, looking at him down with half-lidded eyes.

"If y-you as much as come close to- ....nghhh..."

Shaky hands clutched the cushion beneath them. Grey eyes grew wide with pain and terror, not anymore looking at Erdmann but at a random spot ahead. Pale lips pressed together, following Levi's tensing jaw. Erdmann watched as the captain's entire body contracted, raising his middle from the sofa beneath.

"Hmmmm..." A shaky, trapped scream escaped Levi. It didn't matter how hard he tried to keep his shit together, this was too much for him to ever be able to handle gracefully.

Erdmann turned to Marcus, eyes wide and questioning. He was surprised when Marcus looked back at him with the same wide eyes, like he too didn't know what was happening. 

A few seconds passed before Levi's body loosened, falling back limply on the cushion. His eyes closed and his eyebrows contorted like he was going to cry.

"F-fuck." Levi whispered, toes curling and pushing him back into the backrest, like it could somehow swallow him away from his pain.

"...evi" He didn't know how many times Erdmann had called for him, but this was the first time he heard it. Levi opened his eyes to find the man had taken a step closer to him. Despite that, Erdmann still felt him out of it. He leaned forward, placing one hand on Levi's right shoulder and the other on his face.

"Focus. Focus here, son." He urged, tapping the raven's cheek. "Tell me who else knows."

Levi swallowed. "Fuck you, Erdmann... G-give me the drug, then w-we can talk."

"That's my call to make, Levi. And I say no drug until you give me a full list. If I were you I'd watch my tongue while at it."

Remaining silent, Levi stared up at him defiantly, his breath a bit heavy. Next thing, he felt his cheek being violently tapped again.

"Come on now, answer the question. I don't have all day." 

It was only a few taps, but to his sore body, they radiated like bolts of lightning into his jaw and skull and behind his eyes. Levi resisted a wince.

"...That's it... t's all of 'em." He strained, just wanting this over with so he could get his dose, then he could deal with whatever shit Erdmann has in store once he gets back his strength.

Erdmann stared at him another second, Levi stared back. The least he expected was for the merchant to close in, then with his left hand still gripping his shoulder, he dived his right fist deep into the captain's abdomen, folding him in half. 

"Gaaah..." Levi let out, voice too raspy it flickered between whispers and sound. His muscles felt so sore in there already that even the lightest touch would send waves of agony through him —Erdmann's punch felt like the hit that broke his back.

Levi's teeth clenched hard, eyes squeezing shut as his arms instinctively curled around his middle. His stomach plunged, growing him too nauseous. His muscles continued to spasm through waves of pain, not giving him a second to regain himself. It felt utterly unbearable to take, making his entire body shudder as he remained down. 

“That was a lie." Erdmann snarled. "I’ve been a merchant for years. The best in the field. Do you think I made it this far by letting other people lie to me? Now answer the damn question with honesty, I have all the time before I get to inject you."

Marcus's lips lifted at the corners. It was very rare that he saw his boss get into action like this, but every time that it happened it made for a great show! Standing at almost two meters in height with a military background, Erdmann was destructive.

Using the hand on Levi's shoulder, Erdmann yanked him back up and slammed him against the backrest, exposing his face. Levi's eyes were shut tight, teeth clenched, visible through wincing lips as pained whimpers racked his body.

"Ngh...ngh...nnghh...ngh..."

Erdmann could clearly see how much that hurt him. It was a lot. And he could tell that he had just lost his mind with it, that he was no longer present there as the pain consumed him full. His muscles must've been aching all over from the drug lack, so it's no wonder that the hit would make him lose his last strings of sanity. It was good, thought Erdmann, it's the only way he could break someone as stubborn as this captain. Erdmann moved his right hand to Levi's cheek, tapping it a few more times the sound of skin hitting skin echoed in the room. 

“Wake up, stay with me here. Who else knows?” He asked robotically, impatiently...

"...Ngh..."

"Wrong answer." Erdmann said, before plowing his fist into the shorter man's abdomen again.

"Ahhhh." Levi didn't even know he had the energy to scream, but god it hurt so bad. It hurt so bad he just wanted him to kill him. It hurt so bad he couldn't expand his lungs to breath. He was lost, consumed with the pain he forgot how he got here, or what he was supposed to do to make it stop, until Erdmann reminded him.

With cold eyes and a readied fist, Erdmann asked again. "Tell me the truth, Levi. Who else?"

" 'Rwin." Levi almost cried the word, face completely contorted and eyes battling a strong flow of tears. He couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't think what giving out this information would result into anymore, he only thought about making this hell stop. If Erdmann punched him another time, he may as well just die.

Erdmann withdrew the hand on Levi's shoulder, straightening up to his full height.

"Interesting. That bastard has been pretending to be as correct as an arrow all these years. He knew of your drug ordeal but kept quiet instead of reporting it like a good soldier would, hmph."

Levi did not hear a single word of what Erdmann was saying. His guts churned and he felt bile surge up his throat. Pain radiated through him like daggers, then he was throwing up on the nice carpet beneath them. He hadn't eaten anything in days, so bile was fast to run out, leaving him to only dry heave. Every time his stomach contracted, he wanted to scream at the sharp pain it caused, but he was too busy curling forward to even get a breath.

Marcus watched silently from the back, his smirk turning into a disgusted expression. He watched as Erdmann grabbed Levi by the collar before he could even finish dry heaving, yanking him back against the backrest. Levi let out a few weak coughs with the change of position, visibly aching him seeing how his thin eyebrows twisted in response, eyes remaining closed.

All that Levi could do was lay with his head limp against the sofa. When the coughing ended, he turned slightly to the side in surrender. He looked completely drained of energy, lips remaining parted as the arms that he used to protect his abdomen fell like noodles on his sides, having lost every last bit of strengh.

"Ah...hah...ah..." The sounds escaped him unconsciously, reflecting the searing sensations inside.

Levi didn’t have the strength to stop them, didn’t care to try. He felt Erdmann's cold hand crawl around his chin, turning him to face forward and up. Has he been talking to him and he didn't hear? He couldn't really tell.

“Open your eyes, Levi. Look at me when I speak to you."

Stuck at an uncomfortable angle, Levi did as told.  He found Erdmann standing there with a cold, dark expression he had never seen on him before, like some kind of demon took over him. 

"Who else knows?" The blond's rough voice rose through his sharp exhales. 

"...gh....'Ts all..." 

"I asked you who else." Erdmann shook him, the motion forcing the tears Levi had been hardly holding back to escape. The glistening drop in his left eye surrendered to gravity, sliding down his heated skin. He would've despised that loss of control at any other time, but in his current state, he couldn’t even register it, let alone care.

" 'S all..."  He repeated, exhausted, voice a tired whisper.

The least he expected in his state was to receive another strong punch to his gut. Levi couldn't even scream this time, a new series of gut-wrenching contractions waved through his stomach instead, making him dry heave violently again with nothing to come out.

Unlike earlier, the wave never seemed to end this time... it was just like that time when Hange made him eat rice and he had to spend the next hour hugging the toilet. Levi felt his stomach being shredded, his muscles aching and contracting strongly. He was feeling everything at once he didn't know what to do with his body anymore.

Erdman sighed from the side, looking annoyed. "Come on, I don't have all day for this." He sounded impatient, ignoring that the captain was looking like a rag doll, folded in half with barely any strength, and yet still contracting everywhere. His breaths almost sounded like sobs, but it didn't seem to make any difference for the cold blues.

As soon as the wave calmed, Erdmann raised him up against the backrest again to find his cheeks fully covered by tears, grey eyes looking down to avoid him, lashes too dark with wetness. 

"Did that refresh your memory?"

Levi sniffed, hating the sound of mucus that came too loud in the silence of the night. Erdmann's grip tightened around his collar, suddenly pulling him forward and up he was barely sitting down anymore.

"Answer me when I speak to you!"

"That’s all... o-of 'em... I swear..." Levi strained, barely holding back not surrendering to loud cries and sobs. He could hear a snort coming from the back.

Pathetic, Marcus thought, looking at his pained expression.

Erdmann glared at him intensely, faces too close. "So you wanna do it the hard way, huh?" He voiced, before raising Levi further up and throwing him to the wooden floor.

A weak, broken scream escaped the raven. It was far from being the last on that awfully long night.

Chapter Text

It wasn't unusual for Erwin to fall asleep on his desk. He always had an absurd amount of paperwork to do, and considering all of his obligations during the day, nighttime was the best time to do them.

What was unusual, however, was for him to fall into such a deep sleep there. Or to be awoken by the sound of Hange, calling his name and shaking him by the shoulder. Erwin opened his heavy lids.

"Ah... Hange?"

"Erwin wake up. I can't find Levi."

Erwin's eyes grew to their full size. He raised his head from the desk to find the section commander standing beside him, face pale, lips pressed into a thin line. He frowned. "What?"

"I fell asleep after dinner, didn't go back to him. I woke up to find the messhall empty. I rushed down to the basement to find the cell door open, someone has taken the key away from my pocket. What are we doing now, Erwin? Where could he possibly be? It's all my fault that I didn't go back--" Hange was completely fretting.

"Alright. Alright." Erwin interrupted her continuous speech, raising both his hands in a calming motion. "Calm down now, fretting won't do us any good."

With a glance towards the clock, Erwin saw that it was a bit past 3 am. He was quick to gather his thoughts.

"So Levi was left alone after dinner, that means a total of 8 hours have passed since. Did you ask if anyone had seen him?"

"I just woke up, everyone is asleep."

"Are you sure he's not in HQ?"

"He's not in his room, nowhere near the outside. The cadets on guard duty didn't see him leave. He's not at Mike's, I left him out still searching."

"If we consider that someone has helped him out, it would be safe to assume they waited until everyone went to sleep. And if we consider who may have the interest in actually helping him, it would be easy to figure out the culprit."

"If you're referring to Erdmann's moles, then it gains us nothing. We don't know any of them."

"I say we have the opportunity to get to know them right now." Erwin got to his feet. He has been waiting for this opportunity for months! "Come on, let's go around the barracks and see. Whoever is not in their bed must be our guy."

Levi was sprawled on the ground, limbs twisted in an uncomfortable position. He did not have the strength to straighten himself up, or maybe he lacked the consciousness to. His eyes laid half-lidded, staring ahead of him without really seeing, losing a bit of their grey shade as they grew somehow lighter. His body continued to contract through it all, like a fish that's been out of the water. His gut twisted continuously in a heaving motion, but it wasn't enough to have him curl up. 

The sound of the approaching steps escaped his ears, then his collar got grabbed up, making his head dangle beneath.

"Aren't you tired? I am tired. So why don't you just say what you have and let us both rest?" 

All that Erdmann got for answer was continued silence.

"I don't think he's there with you anymore." Marcus noted, watching Levi's lost eyes and parted lips. He looked like a shell of himself, an exhausted rag doll that couldn't manage as much as a single movement, let alone a sound. "It's been two hours, the sky has already lightened. I think it would be better if we let him get back his senses then we continue."

Erdmann sighed, tightening his grip. He had always been a careful man, to have this man cause this breach of people knowing of his deed felt too unsettling. He was impatient to get it fixed, to control the damage, to have a full list of people and stop them from ever thinking about exposing him the way he stopped Levi from exposing his women-trafficking job. This was precisely why he preferred to silence his enemies! One time he let one survive, and this is what it cost him. If he could only turn back time, he would've blown the captain's head off when he had the opportunity. 

Standing to his feet, he lifted Levi's body up to his chest with a sudden motion. Erdmann looked like he was carrying feather as he carried him to the little room at the side. He placed him there, carefully locking the door behind him.

"Go get Klaus, I'll stay here with him till you do." The blonde ordered.

Klause sighed long, staring out the Cabin's window. He was brought here by morning to watch over Levi, and he was warned against opening the door to him until Erdmann or Marcus would come back. 

When he asked Marcus on the way why they had brought him back to the cabin, he replied 'Because he's a little bitch'. It certainly didn't satisfy the thin man's curiosity, but he didn't dare ask more.

Having spent almost two months living with the Captain, Klaus could confess that he had this inner wish of wanting to see him again, and he wanted to ask him what happened for him to be brought back.

He approached the little side room as soon as Marcus and Erdmann left. He called for Levi, but did not get any answer back.

For the next hours, he did that again, and again, but received no sound back that he started doubting if the captain was even there. But he knew that Erdmann and Markus were far from joking about something like that. He gave up eventually, and surrendered to standing by the window in wait for the two to come back.

The sky was sunset orange by the time that they did. His boss's face looked extra sweaty, a constant frown plastered on it as he strode to the middle of the living room. He stopped there with his hands on his hips, before returning to walk around with anxious steps. 

Marcus headed straight to the side room, unlocking it and walking in. A few seconds later, he was out with a limp body between his arms.

Klause's eyes widened to take in the sight. He had seen the captain in his worst case before; sick, broken-boned, drug-withdrawn...but never had he seen him look like this. He looked too pale he suspected he had any blood circulating through him, eyes having thick, reddened bags beneath them,  hair drenched, face greyish, entire body way bonier than he remembered. And he was only staring ahead, as though he was not in the room with them.

Marcus threw him on the couch and backed off, letting his boss come to the foreground.

"He doesn't look much different from earlier." He noted as he stepped back.

"He'll wake up." Replied Erdmann.

"If you're too old to handle this, Erdmann, you know I'll be more than happy to take this round from you." 

"Old? Old your ass." The blonde replied, grabbing Levi and placing him on the ground with care. "See, now you're in perfect kicking position. You have two choices, captain; either you tell me who else besides those three knows, or you take a beating like the last time."

Oh, so Levi has breached his word about not telling on them! Kalus deduced from the words. He told three people, and more... He certainly did not expect that. Oh, it's good that Erdmann knew, otherwise, he would find himself in prison for being an accomplice in this. His boss was as always, a beast, never letting anything escape him.

Levi looked completely out of it, like he did not hear a single word said. 

Erdman straightened up. Standing to his full height, he raised his leg high and back, before he drove it forward into the shorter man's side, sending shiny leather digging inside of him. Erdmann did it again, and again, watching as the captain got plowed into repeatedly without making a single sound —just like the last hour of their morning session.

Levi's eyes looked the same way; half-lidded and tired, body contracting without any control from him to move it. His guts twisted continuously like he was going to throw up, but it hadn't the strength to reach his throat anymore, causing him to remain laid, dry heaving softly and without stop.

"Well, he's still out of it."

"Shut up, Marcus." Erdmann uttered. He let out a deep breath, looking down at the hopeless case of a body beneath before he started another kicking fit. 

Klause looked at him from the back, disturbed.

"Sir, he clearly is out of it. There's no point in hitting him, I don't think he can answer you even if he wanted to." 

Erdmann stopped again, looking down with growing anger. If he didn't settle this with Levi in pain, no way he would tell him the truth after getting the drug. He may even get blinded by anger and who knows what could come from him then? His fists clenched, looking down, despising losing control. He wasn't even aware when his next kick dived his shoe deep in Levi's middle, hitting him right in the groin.

"Hmmm..." As though brought back to reality, Levi suddenly groaned, lost face contracting with pain.

A shiny glint passed in Erdmann's eyes. He knelt beside him. "See, I told you I'll make him wake up. Now, Levi. I got to know what will bring you back to me, so how bout you answer my question."

Levi closed his half-lidded eyes, lips pressing with the pain, breath hitching with irregular shakes. 

"No, you don't get to fade away again. Answer the damn question before I bring you back."

He was lost, not even having the strength to place his hands around his groin and protect it. Levi's arms were both extended in front of him as he laid on his side, having only the ability to involuntarily contract in their place.

"Fucker." Erdmann muttered, standing back to his full height and getting ready to kick him again. Marcus's browns shone, enjoying the show. The voice of Klause rose through the silence again.

"Wait, sir..." He said fast. Erdmann halted with his right leg pulled back. "I...-Have you considered that he is telling the truth?"

The blonde turned to face him slowly. Klause escaped his gaze to the floor then back. 

"He's in a terrible condition, I don't think he's even conscious enough to understand you. But if he got this bad, I think he would've told the truth long ago. He wouldn't keep quiet like this. From what I understand he told you about three names, maybe that's all of them, and you're now asking him for something that doesn't exist."

Erdmann continued to stare at his subordinate who looked back down to the floor once his sentence ended. He let the weight of the words sink in. It wasn't something he hadn't thought of or considered, but Levi had lied to him once, he told him that the redhead and the giant were the only ones, before he added Erwin to the list. Who's to say he didn't do it again? He had a hunch that he was hiding something, and he knew him to be one stoic bastard even if he looked as consumed as he was now.

"See, I told you he's been growing a soft spot for him." Marcus intervened, addressing his boss before turning to the thinner man. "What is wrong with you, Klause? Has spending too much time with a Scout screw up with your head? Next thing you're gonna go about dedicating your heart to humanity."

"I'm just saying what is clearly the case."

Marcus turned to Erdmann again. "See, I warned you about that months ago. Erdmann, you just figured out what wakes him."

Erdmann wasn't waiting for Marcus to tell him that as he had already made up his mind. Now that he figured out how to get Levi back, he wasn't ready to waste the opportunity of asking him again. From its raised position, he dove his foot back into Levi's aching groin.

"Hmmm.." Grey eyes widened again, and for once, Erdmann could swear his face had grown a flush of blood in it. Still, he was unable to move a muscle or protect his body.

Klause felt his heart clench at the sight. He'd seen people on withdrawal before —it ached awfully much as is— to actually do that to him while on withdrawal was completely animalistic! He couldn’t imagine what he must be feeling, and he didn't want to imagine, especially considering the chance that they were doing it for him to have absolutely nothing to answer with. 

Unable to stand that anymore, he stormed out of the cabin with clenched fists. The faded screams continued to reach him, even as he distracted himself by loudly chopping wood.

Chapter Text

"Fuck." Hange cursed, grip tight around the river fence. "Fuck." Her grip tightened more. "Fuck!" 

A mother frowned, pulling her little daughter to the other side to shield her away from hearing the obscenity.

Mike leaned against the fence, observing the scene unfold behind Hange's back. He was usually the one to keep a calmer head. He would be the one to tell her to calm down, to point out that people are listening, to suggest their next move instead of dwelling on anger. But right now, he felt as furious as Hange was —if not even more.

After everything Levi has gone through, after eleven days of constant and unceasing torture, they lost everything!

There was always the chance for them to lock him up and redo it all, but it was too difficult. Mike could not imagine having to force him to go through all of that pain again for another two weeks, for a plan that may or may not work. Even if he wanted, Levi will probably kick his ass as soon as he gets back to them after being satiated by the drug, and he will keep his guard up from all of them in case they were to plot something like that. 

Mike had to surrender to accepting Levi as is once he'd come back. He will be an addict, relying on Erdmann forever, and there would be nothing they could do to change it, except for this fallible experiment that no one has the energy to go through again.

They couldn't even figure out who Erdmann's rats were! Hange and Erwin had broken into each dormitory, waking every soldier up for a sudden count and giving half the kids heart attacks. By 3:30 am, every single soldier was present in HQ. The bastards must've finished their job way earlier as Mike and the others laid fucking asleep. He had left Erwin at HQ to lead an investigation and question every member about where they were last night between dinner and 3 AM. Mike hoped they would get something from that at least, but he had little to no hope.

And here he came to Trost with Hange, following Erwin's orders. They found no trace of Levi, and no trace of Erdmann —which only confirmed that that bastard was the one to have taken him. By now, Levi must be flying in ecstasy, and Erdmann must be around, watching his drug take effect and his influence and power be gained right back.

After failing to find the merchant at his office and his Trost home, Hange grew insane. She started riding her horse aimlessly all around the district she almost trampled a few people. Mike chased her around until he forced her to a stop by the river.

"Let's go home." He finally expressed.

"No."

"What are we going to do here exactly? The fucker has won."

"I'm not going home unless we find Levi." Hange uttered, staring at the river instead of looking his way.

"He has him. If he wanted to hurt him, he would've done it before. But why kill him when he can have him under his control and use him like a puppet? He's put a big investment into him, he won't throw all of that away now." Mike felt his anger rise merely for saying these words. He let out some of the steam through a sharp exhale and pushed his body away from the fence. "Come on. He will send him home once he's done injecting him, and then we will pay him another visit."

Opening the side room's door on a morning, Erdmann glanced the shaking form of Levi on the floor. He knew that he would find him like this; Sleepless, pained, spasming, exhausted. But what he didn't know was why that fucker wouldn't say a word after everything he had done to him.

He'd seen exactly how stoic he was, so the idea of him keeping something from him made the merchant grow endlessly paranoid.

Erdmann wanted a list of people who knew about the drug, wanted to know how much they knew, who decided to make him cut it off after being obedient for over a month? It was obvious that someone had influenced him. And why did they decide that now? What did they know exactly? 

The thought of losing his grip over Levi, of having these people be out of hand without the influence of his drug on them—it truly frightened him. It had been three days since he brought him here and he still got nothing but three names. Erdmann felt pressured that now was his only chance of answering all of that. Then, depending on the captain’s answers, he will decide whether to use the syringe, or use his gun to silence him forever…

He stepped inside, walking slowly.

"You know, Levi. Yesterday I got this idea. Came to me in a dream. But I was impressed."

He continued to approach, stopping only to kneel beside the raven.

"Now I won't lie to you, I couldn't get it out of my head since. It's actually quite simple it's a wonder it didn't cross my mind before, but hear me out: If you are not willing to tell me everything you know, then I could simply get one of your friends here, and make them do the talking."

Levi's eyes were closed, his entire body shivering from an intense cold wave. It didn't help that apart from the thin shirt he was wearing, he had absolutely nothing to cover himself with, nor did he have the strength to move around and seek. Even if he had, his pain was far too intense to move. And although his eyes remained shut, they made the slightest twitch at Erdmann's last words, causing the blonde to smile.

"Ha, you bastard! You are listening and understanding me, are you?" Erdmann brought his head even closer. "Hear this then: I will bring one of them, tie them up here, and make them talk. I bet they won't be as stubborn as you are. You are one stoic bastard, I tell you. Nothing like I've ever seen in my life."

Placing one hand on the floor for steadiness, Erdmann changed to a sitting position, leaning his back against the wall behind him.

"Which one do you think will cave in faster? Hm?" He mused. "The redhead seems too wild to me, I don’t know what to expect from her. But the giant looks too tough to be a faster speaker... Well, thinking about it, not every guy who looks tough can hold himself together. A few doses in, and you wouldn’t believe what many tough men have succumbed to for me. Even you, as tough as you are, you still did as I told you. Right, Levi? You were good, you let the Survey Corps continue their contract with my company, you didn’t tell on me at first. Only lately did you start going rogue."

Levi flinched to feel a hand rest on his cheek. His body curled in on itself, like it was expecting pain. For three days, every time he was touched, it was to bring him that. But Erdmann only continued to pass his fingers on his skin, in a soft, but nerving manner. 

"I do miss the days when we were friends." The blonde added softly, a sigh escaping him as his hand withdrew away. "...I made up my mind. It will be the redhead. Women are always faster to crack."

Levi hung to Erdmann’s words, trying his best to remain there, present. To make him stop. God he did not want what he just said to happen. This was one reason he hadn’t wanted to drag Hange or anyone else into his ordeal. If she gets tortured for his cause—god, he just cannot!

He opened his eyes with hardship, feeling their lids too damn heavy. His dry lips parted, wanting to tell Erdman to stop, not to. Not Hange. Levi's throat felt sand dry, and then he couldn't find the strength to make a sound. Erdmann stared him down constantly as he looked back helpless.

"Come on, Levi. Try and say something." He encouraged.

Levi tried. God he tried. Lips parted, eyes glassy. But still, he failed.

"It's alright. At least, it's all over for you now. I won't hurt you anymore. You can rest." Erdmann cooed, a glimpse of sympathy appearing in his eyes for the first time. He was so good at pretending it was impossible to decode whether it was real or fake.

Dry lips quivered, a mix of coldness and strain. "...N-no." Desperately, Levi breathed. It was too weak and silent, more of a lip-reading than an actual sound. It satisfied Erdmann regardless.

"Oh, so you can talk." He moved his fingers up Levi's head, getting them through his matted strands. "Come on. Tell me what you got."

"All..." Dry lips quivered again, to form that one word, before surrendering to chatters.

"Yes?" Erdmann encouraged, his blue eyes growing wide with anticipation.

But Levi closed his eyes again, getting pulled into an intense spasm. He felt the hand in his hair turning into a grip and fisting his strands tighter.

"Listen to me. Kalus will bring you some water now. You drink it, you moisten that dry throat of yours, and then tell me what you got. You can talk, right? So put your mouth to use."

Erwin stared at the piles of papers on his desk, not really seeing them. His mind was entirely consumed by thoughts of Levi instead. He believed that Erdmann had taken him to inject and get him back to being hooked, only to then free—He did not expect his friend to be missing for the third consecutive day. 

He glared at a fixed spot on the wooden table, thinking, thinking, when the door to his office got violently thrown open.

Erwin flinched in his seat, getting abruptly pulled out of his train of thought. He looked up to find Hange striding towards him, a dark expression on her face.

"We cannot do this, Erwin. He has been missing for three days. We cannot just sit here, and do nothing!" She was yelling.

From a glance, Erwin could see that she was as consumed by the thought as he was. And she just reached a burning point—for yet another time.

"You and Mike have been going back and forth to Trost for three days. Erdmann isn't found anywhere. If you have any idea of what we can do, then please do enlighten me." Erwin replied, sounding uncharacteristically desperate and unintentionally mad. It wasn't a surprise that his voice came as loud as Hange's.

That thought was all that consumed his mind. For days, he had been thinking about what he could do to recover Levi, where he could find the merchant. He had exhausted every single idea and tried everything he could think of without getting anything.

He would have mobilized more of his soldiers had he not suspected the moles among them. Mike and Hange conducted an extensive search, but each time, they returned home empty-handed. The warehouse manager told them that Erdmann was in Sina for a few days. Erwin had even reached out to Nile as a favor and asked, but the MPs returned that he wasn’t found around there. He didn’t trust they'd do their job properly, so he sent Mike and Hange to Sina too to look. Still, nothing.

"I have a bad feeling about this, Erwin. This cannot mean any good." Hange's face suddenly broke, from rage as she walked in, to a fragile, scared expression."It's been three days! What if he-..." Her teeth clenched, hands turning into tight fists. No. "Shit!"

Just as Erwin opened his mouth to reply, the sound of loud, frantic knocks interrupted him. He directed his gaze toward the office door instead.

"Enter." 

The knob turned, then the cadet on guard duty was inside, chest rising and falling with pants, cheeks flushed from clear running.

"Sir, we found someone outside of the castle doing suspicious activities."

"What activities?"

"He placed this envelope near the watch area during shift change. He rushed away after thinking he didn't get spotted, but Bern saw him and caught up to him."

Erwin stared at the teenage boy with the utmost attention, eyes slightly widened. 

"What's inside the envelope?"

"It's about Captain Levi, Sir."

Hange, who was standing with her back to the boy, biting her fist, swirled around at once to the mention of that name. Erwin could've sworn his heart had skipped a beat to it. His eyes widened further and he jumped to his feet, meeting the teenager halfway to take the envelope from his hand.

"You said you had him caught?" 

"Yes sir."

"Go bring him here." He ordered, before turning to walk back to his seat, tearing the envelope on the way.

Erwin sat on his chair, unfolding the inner paper with impatience. He found a hand-drawn map of the walls with extra emphasis on Wall Rose. It showcased the main gate of Trost district, with wide illustrations of the countryside of that wall. Further east from the main gate and among a forest famous for its gazelles, there stood an X mark with the name of Levi on top of it.

Looking over Erwin's head, Hange almost leaped in her place, feeling her heart beat a thousand times. Erwin couldn't help but lose himself in a smile, ignoring the feelings of ambiguity.

Chapter Text

A golden hue painted the sky as the sun started to sink behind long trees. Levi laid on his side, body pressed against the rough floor of the side room. All he could see was darkness behind closed eyelids, and all he could hear were his breaths, shallow and irregular, broken by occasional sharp inhales that left him with shaky puffs of air.

His entire body hurt, hurt, hurt! It was all that he could think of, all that he could experience. The pain extended from his head down to the very tips of his toes, everything throbbing, everything spasming as though to spite him.

He could feel his cells being shredded, like someone was cutting through them slowly and sadistically. It was especially bad in those areas where Erdmann's fists had landed. It killed Levi having to feel those injured muscles contract, pulling at raw, beaten fibers beneath discolored skin.

He wished the floor could split open and swallow him. Just have him disappear, make all of this torture end. He felt exhausted, too damn exhausted. If he could at least fall asleep like when he had fallen down the window, or if he could just die... God how he wanted that right now...

He has been laying in this position since the morning. Erdmann had hurt him then when he failed to answer whatever the fuck he wanted him to again. Levi was at a loss, he didn't know anymore what he was supposed to say even if he had the ability. The man seemed more hungry to torture him than to listen.

Eventually, he left the cabin and told Klaus to give Levi something to eat, "Lest he die on us. I want him to be able to talk when I come back later."

Within an hour, Klaus returned to the room with a steaming bowl of broth —which Levi refused to drink of despite the thin man's pleas. But he did drink a lot of water, feeling his cells so thirsty and his throat like dried sand from three days of dehydration. Levi finished the glass that Klaus offered eagerly, streaks of the liquid leaking from his dried lips down his chin and neck, then Klaus returned with a refill and helped him drink it too.

The cabin has fallen eerily quiet since, giving Levi time to think now that he had satiated his thirst. He thought about how no one knew where he was, so the chances of someone coming to rescue him were too slim. He hadn't any strength to move or fight either, he was only there to take what Erdmann gave him.

Levi couldn't think of any way out of this except death. How long can he survive without food anyway? It shouldn't be too long.

And yet, that thought troubled him deeply. As much as he wanted to make all of this end, he couldn't rest knowing Erdmann planned to go after his friends. Because of him. Because he dragged them into this. Beyond that, there were the scouts and humanity as a whole.  Levi felt like he owed them his strength and ability, his body to help get them to their goals, to protect them, to make all of the lost lives he had promised to put meaning to their deaths meaningful.

He wanted to find solace in death—but fuck his mind for refusing to be so selfish. He couldn’t just abandon all of these responsibilities even if it meant he'd have to endure more of Erdmann's torture. God, he didn't want to take it anymore. He was so, so, so incredibly tired. And in so much pain. But he couldn't just run away like a coward.

Sometimes, when he drifted close to unconsciousness, he found relief in the thought. Other times, when he gained moments of clarity, he’d remember the amount of responsibilities on his shoulders and get frustrated that he can't even find comfort in that.

A sudden sound erupted outside, cutting through the unusual silence. The cabin's main door was unlocked, then the sound of footsteps was heard entering the living room. Levi tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids were too heavy.

"Klaus!" It was Erdmann. 

Levi felt his heartbeats fasten to that call, body instinctively flinching in place like it was programmed to fear the mere voice of that man. For three days, whenever Erdmann came near him, it was to bring him pain. It felt unbearable every time, more than anyone can endure, but then Erdmann would come to make it go past that, beyond what he could ever process or contain.

He forced his greys open, spotting his outstretched arms ahead, their muscles spasming in an endless dance.  

"Klaus!" 

Levi's body tensed, every nerve fraying. Nausea grew inside him with reflex and expectations. He couldn't stand Erdmann coming back to hurt him again, it hurt so much as is he couldn’t bear it anymore. His gaze raised up from his arms to the door ahead.

"Klaus!" This time, the merchant's voice came too close to the room.

The sound of a key being turned reached Levi's ears, followed by the nob being turned. Then Erdmann was standing at the door, looking too tall and mighty and too intimidating from Levi's much lower angle.

"Where did that idiot go? I had explicitly warned him never to leave the cabin." He complained, speaking more to himself than it was to Levi. Then his eyes met the captain's and a glint of interest grew inside of them.

Levi was staring up at him, gaze fixed, body exhausted, unmoving like a titan corpse. He could only watch as Erdmann walked towards him.

"Did you eat well, Captain?" 

Levi only continued to stare. His face would've looked neutral to anyone else, but not to Erdmann's trained eyes. Erdmann smirked at spotting that hint of instilled apprehension in him, seeming very satisfied.

"Ignoring me, are you?" He let out a sharp exhale, pretending to be hurt.

The blond stopped right in front of him, looking at him down with his chin up. Levi felt vulnerable from his position below. He was expecting Erdmann to kick him at any second. To stomp him. To do anything to hurt him like he did every time he came near, all while he couldn't even move his arms to protect himself. He gazed up at Erdmann constantly, bracing himself, feeling anxiety spike within him the longer the tall man remained still. His entire body felt so sore already he can't take anything anymore. 

"What?" Erdmann finally spoke. "I think you did eat. You look better than you did in the morning, which means you can now tell me everything that I want."

Levi remained quiet. He swallowed a pained whimper, gaze not breaking from the blues. "...I won't t-tell on you..." He started with a weak, low voice, attacking precisely what he knew troubled the merchant most. "N-no one will... Y-you got me...I fuckin' n-need the drug... f-fuckin' n-need it... and...and o-only y-you...c-can provide it... I hvn't told on you before...t-there's no sense for me to t-tell now..."

Levi closed his eyes, getting lost briefly with a painful spasm. His breaths caught for a second before he could breath again.

"...L-let me go now... and I'll let this drop..." He mumbled with eyes still closed, voice almost begging despite his last sentence that conveyed him having a sense of control over the situation. The spasm continued and he couldn't help the pained twist on his face, barely holding back a scream. He was being shredded! And it was then that he forgot any sense of having an upper hand on the situation. "...I'll be g-good...hm...I'll b-be g-good..."

The worst part for Levi was that he was genuinely sincere. He hated it, but he was truly this helpless for the drug —helpless enough to let all of this drop, ready to be a good man for Erdmann just to keep the supply coming. He couldn't imagine enduring this pain again; once he regained that painless state, he wouldn’t dare do anything that might risk bringing him back to this ever again! Not even close!

"I know you need it. Then why did you go around telling your friends about me?"

Levi opened his eyes, their shape twisting with the sensations around his muscles. "...I d-didn't wnt to... I got sick...o-on expedition... had t' explain m'self..."

"And now you're asking me to let you go. The thing is, Levi, you control this. You could've made it stop and left whenever you wanted by answering my questions sincerely."

"I 'dn't lie to you."

"No. But you didn't answer me."

"I did." Levi lost his voice, this time coming out a whisper. 

"No." Erdmann shook his head with conviction.

Levi gritted his teeth, pain flaring around his body as he glanced back at the cold expression. As far as he remembered he did answer his fucking questions on the times that he could, and on the times that he didn't, he hadn't the strength or brains to even talk because this fucking shithead made him lose it.

"...Fuck you, Erdm'n...Crazy bast'rd..."

"I'm not crazy. I'm only trying to fix the mess you created because you couldn't hold your stupid tongue back. We had an agreement—it's all your fault, so don't act like you don't deserve this now."

"...I had t-told y-" Levi whispered again, losing his voice a second time as his toes curled up. His eyes shut tightly, sweat almost dripping down his lashes. "...'vrything—"

"—Here's the thing, Levi. I want us to end this too. It's been getting ridiculously long, three days already." Erdmann looked like he didn't hear Levi's sentence at all. He said casually, grabbing him by the shoulders and lifting him up against the wall like he weighed nothing.

Levi grunted deeply, feral. Every part of him was sore even the slightest shift felt agonizing. His muscles fired simultaneously, making him again wish to die. 

Erdmann pinned him there, his big hands engulfing thin shoulders. He felt Levi melt between his palms, like warm wax, swaying left and right with spasms and a wince.

"How bout we try again? Huh? Let's start with the people, I'll name names and you nod when I hit the jackpot. Petra." He uttered impassively, recalling the names from his moles' list. 

Levi opened his eyes, trying hard to remain present. His head was falling forward and his arms laid uselessly on each side of him. His breaths left him with shakes as he tried to swallow the brutal sensations all around him, then his head shook slightly.

"Oluo."

"No." Chopped lips moved, barely making a sound.

"Eld."

A glistening drop of sweat trailed down pale skin, following the twists of a pained expression. "F-fuck you!...We've done this f-fuckin' hundred times...F-fuck you...F-fuck—"

Erdmann's patience run out fast, realized Levi when an impact hit —sudden and sharp— crashing through his senses before his mind could even process it. His vision blurred as a fist connected with his abdomen, plowing into tense, sore muscles. 

"Nghhhh." Air shot out of his lungs with a clenched teeth scream, leaving him completely breathless.

His face twisted more, feeling his guts get tangled, nausea raising up in him. Instinctively, Levi tried to curl up, upper part pinned in place by Erdmann as his legs drew closer with the little strength they had. 

"Eld." Erdman coldly continued.

Levi's head lolled forward in submission, long dark bangs covering his entire face. The only answer he returned were shaky, laboured inhales, like a mountain laid on his chest.

"Eld, or you know what comes."

"...N-no...no..." The words barely left him, each coming too slow and lethargic. It wasn't even clear if they referred to Eld not knowing, or to Erdmann's threat.

"Eld doesn't know?"

"N-No." Levi whispered, breathing in hard through one wet sniff. 

"Gunther."

"No."

His hair got suddenly pulled, neck twisting back to make him face up. Levi could't see Erdmann glaring at him with his eyes remaining closed.

"I swear if I find you are lying, I will skin them fucking alive."

"...'M not..." Levi's voice broke with a rasp. He was on the verge of crying, but he still cared not to give Erdmann the satisfaction. Even if his face contorted, even if his eyes got teary, he was not willing to succumb to the feeling and let him see him break down.

Then what was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to lie? How could he drag someone not into this mess when he regretted bringing people who already knew? It was all his damn fault and he already dragged his friends into it. But he was heating up, getting more drenched, he was consumed and swallowed by an unbearable sensation. He cannot take it anymore...he cannot...

"Who suggested you cut off the drug? Was it the redhead? She's a scientist, isn't she?"

Levi kept his eyes closed, lips quivering, breaths irregular, body shuddering but not from a cold wave this time. He could feel one particular sweat drop follow a trail from his hairline down to his eyebrow.

"Are you listening?"

"Yes." It was again barely audible.

"Then answer the damn question. Did she tell you to cut it?"

"...No...no...no..." Levi whispered repeatedly, tongue heavy, like he was feverish and falling into delirium.

"Was it you?"

"Hmm." He agreed to spare his friend, though it sounded more like a moan to suppress his pain.

Again, Erdmann punched him. And Levi has completely lost his mind, his mouth opening wide into a silent scream.

"I don't fucking believe you, Captain." The blonde said, pushing him tighter against the wall. "I believe she was the reason. She tried to convince you not to take it when Marcus came to you, and you only started cutting it after the expedition, right after you had to explain your condition to her —I’ll believe you on that part, at least. Does her aide know too? He's gotta know, she tells him everything, doesn't she?"

Levi was not listening anymore. 

"Hey" Erdmann shook him. 

All that was playing on Levi's mind was pain, and the fact that he could not take it anymore... 

"Answer."

"Yea.." He breathed, barely having any brain left, not even knowing the question he was asked nor caring. It was only a reflex to gain himself time before a new attack hit. It just hurt so bad.

For the first time, Erdmann smiled. "That's good. See, now we're making some progress. Was it so hard? Now if I remember correctly, his name is Moblit."

Hearing the last sentence, Levi opened his eyes. His greys looked glistening, unlike when he had closed them. His eyebrows went up in the middle as he came to realize what he just did.

"No...n-no...he d'sn't..." His voice came out, broken and strained.

Erdmann punched him again. "Are we back to lying so fast? Now answer, did the redhead tell you to cut the drug?"

Levi lost his last bit of mind as pain flared even more inside him. His lips hung parted in another silent scream, his eyes twisted and misty.

It was usually around this time that he lost himself to a state of near unconsciousness, but his mind was still on Moblit, and his body fought to remain there, feeling a compulsion to fix what he did. It tormented him that he dragged his friends into this, it tormented him more to drag someone who didn't even know. Then between his physical pain and that pain, he didn't know what to do. 

"...M-Moblit...d'sn't..know-" He whispered, lethargically, weakly, slowly, tongue growing heavier.

"Hey." Erdamnn cut him off, grabbing his hair roughly and forcing his head up to face him.

Levi found Erdmann had a fist created with his other hand, ready to be sent into him again. He felt his heart drop into his stomach, raising the already barely contained bile. His arms, still useless on his sides.

"...Don't..." He succumbed, greys fixated on the fist, eyes begging. He could not take it anymore. 

Erdmann looked at him coldly, bringing his prepared fist back as Levi's heartbeats grew faster with apprehension. How could it possibly hurt more than it already did? But it does—every damn time.

Just as Erdmann sent his fist forward, a loud noise was heard outside. It was a strong, shaking thud against thick wood. Erdmann stopped his movement before his fist could reach Levi and turned to look in the sound direction at once, clear eyes looking wide. Was it Klaus? 

A second, even louder thud erupted and he got to his feet at once, leaving Levi to slide to the floor like a rag doll. This cannot be Klaus. Erdmann brought the gun in his belt out, aiming it in front of him as he walked out to the living room to investigate. 

Chapter Text

Boom.

With a forceful crack, Mike lifted his leg and slammed it into a wooden door. A loud thud echoed, shaking the floor beneath Hange and Erwin's feet as they waited on the side.

Boom.

A second loud crash erupted as he wasted no second to dive his foot back. An even louder shockwave flew through the air, causing the lock to shake and some splinters to fly around it. 

Boom.

With one final, powerful shove, the door gave way, swinging open in a sudden burst and banging against the inner wall of the cabin.

Mike's breath was heavy, his eyes intense, and without missing a beat, he strode inside with sureness like he was entering his own home.

Hange and Erwin strode behind him, looking no less determined. It took merely three steps for Mike to halt, and one more second for the two behind him to follow. 

To their left was a closed door that led to another room, and right in front of it was Erdmann, standing with his huge frame, eyes calm and studying as he held up a gun towards the three. He looked at them silently, his gun speaking more words than his mouth could ever convey. His eyes, though nervous, showed nothing but sureness that he would shoot as soon as any of them took a wrong step.

Erwin did that regardless, holding his hands up in the air and coming closer to him to stand ahead of his friends.

"We're not here for trouble, Erdmann. We're just here to retrieve Levi." He said, blue eyes fixated on blues.

Erdmann tilted his gun a little to the left in synchronization, bringing it to aim straight at Erwin's heart.

"Stop right there, don't take another step." He ordered.

Erwin had already stopped. He looked at him back, gaze tense and unwavering. The darkness of the hole facing his heart unsettled him internally; one bullet out of that thing and he would lose his life. On his face, however, nothing showed.

"Just let us have him back and we won’t cause you any trouble." Erwin uttered, voice steady and measured. "Levi needs you. He needs the drug, and only you can provide it. You got our arms twisted. Let us have him back and we’ll maintain our silence for that reason. But if you decide on shooting us here, I don't see how murdering the commander of the Survey Corps, as well as three of our best veterans, will go unnoticed. You’ll be opening a door you can’t close. I've left a memo for the rest of the Scouts stating that the four of us have come to meet with you on a sponsorship mission. Should anything happen to us, it will lead straight back to you. So be reasonable and put that gun down."

Erdmann's eyes looked wide, forehead glistening with gathered sweat. He gritted his teeth. These people constituted almost everyone on his list, if he could end them now, he would rid himself of this problem once and for all. But Erwin was one cunning snake as he always knew him to be —the last he needed was for an investigation to lead back to him. 

Then again, Marcus had always assured him of the drug's effectiveness. Erdmann just couldn't feel comfortable with the idea of someone knowing besides Levi —who was already hooked. Maybe he should stress less. Levi looked like a complete mess without it, he already assured him that no one would tell, and here came his friends to repeat the same. The captain was in dire need of him, and only he could satiate that need.

With eyes still fixated on the three, Erdmann stepped to the side slowly, studying Erwin's fixed and calm gaze, his face holding an unbreakable poker expression. Mike looked at him like he was an insect, between rage and disgust, and the crazy redhead kept her lips pressed into a thin line, eyes wide, and breath too sharp he could hear it all the way from where he stood.

Erdmann continued to retreat back, freeing the path to the room while he kept his gun facing towards the three. As soon as he was a safe distance away from the door, he motioned to it with his head, keeping his silence and a careful glare.

Mike jumped at once, opening the door and bulging in as Hange followed behind him. Erwin remained in his place, staring at Erdmann back, not trusting him not to shoot at any second. As much as he wanted to see Levi, he feared the merchant trapping them into the room, or shooting the three of them inside.

The inner room was completely empty, holding nothing but a strong smell of dust and a twisted form near the facing wall. By the time Mike kneeled beside it, his breaths had turned into shaky puffs of apprehension and rage. Just as the man they caught had told them, Erdmann hadn't injected Levi; he was only hurting him.

"Fucking hell—Fuck!" Mike uttered.

He almost felt nauseous from the state his friend was in. Levi was curled down on the floor, barely on the brink of consciousness. Mike wished he were unconscious—at least he would be spared the pain—but watching everything in him spasm made him know how bad he had it, even if he couldn't voice it out. He was a full mess of dust, hair matted, body drenched, clothes dirtied by many shoe sole prints. His lips were chapped, and Mike could swear he had lost much more weight within the past three days than he had during the last eleven. He's never seen him look this skinny before, this messy with scattered facial hair and a mess of a haircut. Mike couldn't even see Hange who was kneeling beside him too, saying some words to Levi that completely skipped the blonde's foggy mind.

"We're here, we're here. You're okay now." Hange repeated, feeling her heart too tight she had trouble breathing in. Her lips almost quivered at the mess her friend was.

Levi was lost, but that familiar voice felt like a rope that led him back to reality through thickened clouds of fog. He could not believe it, the voice of his friends. Was he delirious? Are they really here? He couldn't bring his eyes to open to check. Yet he tried, again, he had to make sure, to see them, to ensure his brain wasn't playing games on him. Levi's greys opened with great hardship, weary and slow, and he felt them warm up at once, mouth falling open without the ability to make a single sound. His friends... his friends were here!...They won't let Erdmann hurt him anymore...

Hange stared at the half-lidded greys, her face twisting, hand traveling down to squeeze Levi's. "I'm sorry." She muttered, looking on the verge of crying.

"Hurry up, Mike." Erwin's voice came from the outside and Mike was reminded that a man was still holding a gun on them right outside. He lightly pushed Hange away using his shoulder then bent down further closer to Levi.

"I'm gonna get you out now, buddy. We'll finish this later." He cooed.

Without wasting time, Mike dug his left arm beneath Levi's knees and his right under his neck. Levi gritted his teeth as he did, before he found himself raised up to Mike's chest. 

"Ghhhhh." He grunted with agony, feeling every neuron on his body firing at once, his abdomen, his fucking groin burning like fucking fire.

"I'm sorry." Mike muttered, standing to walk back out.

Following from behind him, Hange's head was bent to stare down at the floor. The sound of Levi's grunt tightened her heart she was convinced she couldn't take hearing it again.

Mike sent a dirty side glare to Erdmann as he continued to walk to the outside of the cabin without a slow down. He strode out, almost running his way to the horses, hoping to get Levi to safety and to a comfortable bed. He wished he could kill that bastard right then and there. If only he wasn't carrying Levi.

Erwin kept glaring at the merchant as the two veterans walked out. He was too eager to see Levi, but he knew better than to trust this man and give him his back this early. He made sure his friends had walked a safe distance away before he turned around slowly, his blues piercing the other man's blues like it was a silent war. 

Erwin ran the remaining distance to keep up with his friends. His poker face crumbled once he kept up to Mike, glancing at the skinny form he was carrying; Levi was clutched up to him like a bug, face buried to his chest, hand laying weakly against his shirt, entire body twisting with endless waves of spasms.

Glancing Hange's way, Erwin could've sworn she was tugging at her hair and had removed some of it for self-punishment from the way it suddenly looked messy.

"Levi, do you hear me?" He called, just to make sure he was fine. He knew it was better to leave him be but he was too worried.

Levi kept quiet, looking like a tiny curled ball against Mike's broad chest, like a dirty stray cat that has been saved from the abusive streets.

"Levi." Erwin called again, his voice broken and vulnerable. He should probably be ashamed for having it sound like this, but he didn't care this time. It was just his three friends with him.

Mike felt his shirt dampen from Levi's sweat. He kept him close against him, hands clutching to him like he was holding the most precious treasure to be protected. When a shaky gasp reached his ear, he didn't think much of it, but when the unmistakable sound of a forced exhale reached him, he knew that the dampness he felt near Levi's face was far from being mere sweat. 

All of the feelings Levi has been resisting came back at once. The dam it took to hold himself back when Erdmann hurt him was threatening to explode for days, but he never allowed it to burst. Even when it felt unbearable. Even when some stray tears escaped him against his will. For three days, all he felt was torturous pain, but now, seeing his friend's faces, hearing their familiar voices, knowing that he was safe with them even if it still hurt this bad—Levi couldn't stop that dam from falling anymore. All the pain he had bottled up exploded, erupting like a long-held storm. It made his body tremble deeply as tears left his eyes without a hint of control.

Mike stopped in his tracks at once to the realization. For a moment, he could've sworn he had stopped seeing the woods around him. The grass was no longer there, the trees had disappeared... All he could see was darkness, redness, anger, abhor! He turned to face Erwin on his left and pushed Levi his way.

"Take him from me." He said with a low, firm voice, coming through gritted teeth.

"Mike-"

"I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna go fuck him up!" He said with emphasis, fists already growing too tight against Levi without even realizing. He will fucking go back there and let that fucker taste what he let his friend feel! He will fucking fuck him up until he begs for a quick death, and then he will slice him like he did a titan!

"Mike he has a gun, he can hit you before you can even come close. That's not how we should approach this, we should-"

"Take him from me, Erwin!" Mike raised his voice, forgetting all about their ranks. He shoved Levi against the commander, who kept his arms down instead of receiving him.

And Erwin wished that he could! He wished that Erdmann could taste what he did to Levi, wished he could take him and let Mike go and convey that promise so much! But he couldn't risk Mike's life when he was this dark-eyed, not when he was certain that if he were to go back, he would be facing a bullet. Erwin couldn't bring his arms up when he knew that all that held Mike back was having Levi in his arms.

"You're not thinking rationally, Mike. Calm down first, then we'll see how to do this. We both want the same thing and I assure you he will get what he deserves—just not like this. So let us not lose our heads, let me take care of it ."

"Oh yeah? Take care of it how exactly? Like you did when he was missing for three days? Or when he was missing for a fucking month and a half? What did you do then? You couldn't even find him now if it weren't for the letter coming to us like a miracle."

Erwin couldn't help but feel a sting from these words. His head fell down, ashamed, and yet still unwilling to receive Levi from Mike's hold in a silent refusal.

An arm laid on Mike's shoulder, pulling him slightly back from his raging posture. Hange sniffed through mucus, bringing back his attention.

"Mike." Her voice broke, and then she fell quiet, allowing him to hear the sound of Levi's shaky but muffled sobs. "That's enough. He has a gun, we can't do this now."

She pulled him further back to face her. Mike found a set of reddened browns, tears streaking from them to harmonize with the raven's. Hange gestured towards him with her head, a flow of generous tears bursting from her eyes again.

'It's not the time for this, let's get him to safety, he probably feels awful for knowing he caused us this much trouble, and the gun will put you at risk, he always takes responsibility for things that are not his fault, had he been able to talk right now he would tell you to let it be.' Was what Mike understood from her silent gesture.

Turning ahead, he restored his stride towards the horses with a sharp exhale. Mike squeezed his friend closer to his chest, placing his chin over his head. His face twisted as soon as no one was around to see him, feeling his heart shred from the shaky sobs of Levi. Mike felt every wrench of his body as he cried against him silently, bitterly, sobs low and muffled. 

As soon as they reached the horses, Mike placed Levi on a patch of grass against a treetrunk to take a short rest before the ride. He then walked away immediately, leaving Hange and Erwin to crouch beside him.

Mike's hands tightened into fists, face twisting further as no one was around to watch him. He glanced down at his shirt to find a darker smear of water where Levi's face had been. Without thinking, he turned and punched the tree beside him, muttering a few curses as his face contorted further, seething. For his stoic friend to reach this point! He didn't even want to imagine what he was feeling. All because of that fucker, that fucking bastard! Mike was relieved no one was around to watch him do that. He let the pain in his hand pass unnoticed as the pain in his heart ached him way more.

Completely unable to hold himself, Levi slid with the side of the trunk as soon as he lost support. Hange caught him before he could fall and supported him back against it. For days, he had looked as pale as a sheet, now his face had restored some of its color from crying. Hange couldn't say she preferred this look over the other, not when his lashes were this wet, not when his eyes looked this swollen, not when he sniffed and the sound of mucus in his nose completely shattered her heart, and definitely not when he looked down to the ground to evade her and Erwin's gazes with unconscious shame. Hange couldn't help but cup his cheeks.

"This is all my fault. I'm so sorry." Her voice broke again, and her lips quivered to warn of another stream. "I shouldn't have fallen asleep and let them take you. It's all my fault."

Erwin placed his hand on Hange's shoulder. He was keeping an eye on Mike at the same time, lest he go back in a burst of anger towards the cabin. He didn't even want to look Levi in the eye as he laid limp against the trunk. Erwin wasn't sure which one of his comrades he was supposed to support anymore, everyone was losing their mind from the awful situation, and if he could be honest, he too needed some support through it all.

After letting Levi rest for five minutes, Mike came back and they all got ready to leave. Mike mounted his horse and awaited as Erwin brought Levi up to place him in front of him. Erwin wanted to have Levi ride with him on the drive home, but knowing he would keep Mike from doing something stupid, he let Mike have him instead.

Erwin was surprised to feel how little Levi weighed, it grew a pit in his stomach, remembering Doctor Braun's words. If Levi goes on like this, he may as well die from being consumed alive before the withdrawal does it.

Levi whimpered weakly as Erwin raised him, then once he sat him in place, a pained grunt escaped him that tugged at each of their hearts. The captain curled forward with a complete lack of energy, before he found himself pulled back by Mike to be rested against his chest.

Levi was quiet, but his eyebrows were twisting with pain. His breath hitched, head scraping against his friend with very low energy.

Erwin's lips twisted downwards as he started wrapping a rope around them to secure Levi to Mike. 

"Hm...hm...hm...hm..." Levi let out weakly, eyes closed, expression contorted. He placed a hand on the rope, but he was too weak to curl his fingers around it, to clutch it, to take off the fucking agony away. Then before he could know it, he was throwing up on the side.

Erwin stopped his maneuvers as Mike held Levi from the waist to keep him from falling to the ground from the horse. 

Levi had barely anything in his stomach, it was just bile that came out of him and that ended very quickly. Then he placed his shaky, exhausted hand on Mike's forearm that was snaking him. Again, his strength failed him from doing any reaction. 

"Gh...ngh...ah...you...."

Mike just closed his eyes. How could he travel all the way back to HQ hearing this? Each sound tugged at his heart, each whimper signifying a pure unbearable pain that his friend was experiencing.

Erwin stepped back, face completely twisted and losing its poker stance. This was the first time in his life he actually felt...powerless, helpless, like there was nothing he could do. Hange bulged in from behind him, her expression hardened as she started unwrapping the rope.

"Put your arm away." She told Mike.

She noticed that Levi's pain had grown once the rope rounded his abdomen, and she noticed his helpless attempts to keep it away, he just hadn't the strength to fully clutch it. He must've been trying to protect his abdomen with that weak movement.

Throwing the rope down on the grass, Hange's eyes traveled to the dry mud spots that decorated Levi's white shirt. She swallowed as she grabbed the hem, slowly pulling the fabric up to investigate her suspicions.

Her breath caught in her throat and her heart dropped into her stomach. Hange found a rainbow of colors on Levi's abdomen. It looked blue, violet, red, everywhere, it was dark, raw, abused, beaten. She shook her head in denial, and let her eyes wander to follow the trail that went on to disappear underneath his pants, growing darker and more purple. What had this fucker done to him? He had kept his face fine so as not to seem like he was tortured, all while he hid all of his blows on Levi's hidden areas. Then as if the horrifying scene wasn't enough, Levi's abdomen twitched and contracted at different places, tugging at the sore muscles unceasingly as his eyebrows contorted in response.

Mike's eyes widened at the sight. His breaths hitched and he placed his leg on the stirrup to get down at once. He will go fucking murder him! Erwin's hand laid on his shoulder, holding him in place.

"Mike." This time, Erwin couldn't even look him in the eye. He had every right to want to do that, and if it weren't for Erwin's trained, incredible self-control, he would've gone and done it himself. "Not like this."

"Fuck!" Mike yelled, snaking an arm around Levi's armpit instead and kicking his horse. He went at the fasted speed to move as far away as he could from the cabin to avoid fucking cutting that bastard into pieces. At this point, he didn't even mind spending his life in prison —it would be totally fucking worth it.

"Gh...ngh...ngh...aahhh." Levi screamed, feeling his groin shoot like electricity with every jump of the horse. It hurt him so much that even moving slightly ached —Having to be on a horse felt unbearable!

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry...." Repeated Mike all along the way with mutters, not realizing the pain he was causing his friend.

Chapter Text

It took over an hour of riding for the Scouts to make it back to headquarters, by that time, Levi was a total mess. Not that he wasn't already when they first found him, but all the jostling on the horse has gotten to him, breaking him even further. 

Four times Mike had to stop for him to throw up—once in the middle of Trost district and at the sight of more people than he liked seeing. Curious civilians stopped and openly stared at the captain, their whispers spreading like wildfire Mike was certain it would be the top news of tomorrow's paper.

Once they arrived at HQ, he wasted no time carrying Levi inside. Mike's arms strained to keep his friend as steady as possible while his body continued to contract. He laid him on the bed as gently as he could, but even that slight movement made his jaw clench harder, his eyes scrunch tighter.

"Nghh." Levi grunted, thin eyebrows raising more towards the middle with pure agony.

Mike ran away from that broken voice, striding to the furthest point of the room in reflex, then Hange was quick to take his place, kneeling beside the raven. She leaned in, bringing her face close to his, watching his features continue to twist.

"Levi, do you want one of us to help you take a shower? It would soothe your injuries." She asked softly, though a hint of sadness came clear in her tone. 

Levi kept his eyes closed, face still contorted. It seemed as though he was permanently stuck with that expression now; lips stuck in a wince, teeth clenched beneath them, eyebrows drawn together, and breath hitching with each exhale...

"Levi?" Hange repeated, placing her hand on his.

Twitching in reflex, Levi sucked in a sharp breath. It seemed as though his mind was wandering elsewhere and that touch had just brought him back to the room. His eyes opened, a shade of light grey greeting Hange through weary lids.

Levi exhaled shakily, looking at his friend on the left; her face was alarmingly close to his, worry overwhelming its usually cheerful features. On his right, he found Erwin, bending his head down to look at him from a standing position, his usually composed expression replaced by a twisted look of concern, one that rivaled that of Hange. And there was Mike's tall frame at the foot of the bed, casting a constant glare his way that held more anger than it did worry.

All this time he had been withdrawn into his own mind, but now as he looked at them with returning awareness, Levi felt a deep sense of discomfort install within him. All eyes were on him, stripping him naked while he laid there fully exposed and unable to do anything about it, displayed like some shitty art piece in a museum. What was there to see except him being a fucking useless piece of shit? One that couldn't even control his emotions. How pathetic! He had fucking whimpered all along the ride like a kid, he felt ashamed he wanted to sink into the mattress, or have them all leave —just anything to stop them from looking at him the way they were doing right now.

Levi attempted to turn to the side to evade their gazes. He was surprised, however, when not a single muscle in his body responded. Instead, a sharp pain shot through his middle, making him regret the attempt instantly. His eyes squeezed shut again as he winced in agony at the feeling.

"Levi," Hange's worried voice reached again.

Levi felt her cold fingers crawl on his forehead, brushing some of his damp strands away. Her voice sounded so worried it almost shook, and he found himself too ashamed to open his eyes and look at her back. It was bad enough that his face was still on full display for her to see—he despised being in that position!

"Do you want it? A shower?" Hange asked again, and while she genuinely wanted to soothe Levi's pain and get him cleaned of all the mud and dust —which, in itself, would be a form of torture for her clean freak friend—  it wasn't the reason she insisted. Rather, she needed someone to assess the damage to his body and check if he had any open wounds that needed cleaning before they got infected. If Erdmann inflicted them three days ago, it might even be too late.

Noticing that his eyes remained closed, Hange tightened her grip on his hand to keep him there. Levi moved his head slightly in response, a mere centimeter, but she quickly understood it as a shake of his head.

How could he stand a shower now? The ride had been hell, shaking him around for an hour. And now, he just didn't want to be moved anymore. Not even a bit. Not when it shot pain through him like daggers. Levi just wanted to lay still, endure the pain as awful as it was without any new addition. He was only ready to withstand one last movement, one that would at least soothe his soul and hide him away from his friend's gazes. Even with his eyes closed, he still felt their weight heavy—standing there and watching him contort and spasm without a hint of control. 

Grey eyes reopened with hardship to find Hange's face close still.

"...T-turn me." Levi whispered, face sickly pale. 

Hange looked at him back, her heart twisting to find that vulnerable, hurt expression on his face. It had been two weeks and she still could never get used to it —it didn’t suit Levi to look like that at all! She glanced up at Erwin on the other side of the bed, who looked hesitant for a moment before he bent down and tucked his hands underneath Levi’s back, too gently so as not to cause him pain.

As soon as Erwin began to lift him, Levi’s entire face twisted into a more distorted grimace, eyes clamping shut as a sharp, guttural grunt tore from his throat, raw and unrestrained. Erwin froze instantly. He eased him back down and pulled his hands away, feeling his heart pound at the sound, tightening with guilt and a feeling of complete responsibility.

Hange's head pulled back from the sudden voice, feeling it like a dagger to her heart. She wished she had the power to take away even a fraction of what he was feeling, even if it meant she could split this torment with him, but she was utterly and completely helpless. 

Levi's lips stuck in a wince, feeling his abdomen and groin kill him with the failed attempt. All of the thoughts about shame had completely left him as he was once again pulled into his mind, consumed by sharp stabs that wouldn't cease. His fingers and toes curled up to the point of shaking, heels pressing into the mattress repeatedly.

"Ngh...ngh...nggghhhhhh..."

Only when the door clicked did Hange and Erwin realize that Mike had left the room. Erwin was fast to return his gaze to the raven.

"I'm sorry, Levi." He rushed to say.

Levi didn't answer. He remained stuck as he was, his agonized whimpers interrupting the silence. Tightening her hand around his weakly fisted fingers, Hange looked up at Erwin, not sure what to do anymore as the urge to cry threatened her eyes again.

"We should have him eat something." Silently, Erwin mouthed to her, careful not to let Levi hear him. He still remembered that he had declined to eat anything on the days he spent in the cellar, and by the looks of it, Erdmann hadn't given him anything to eat either. At this rate, they may lose him from starvation before the withdrawals could take effect. 

Hange let out a breath. That thought didn't escape her either. She, too, was concerned about it already. She turned back to Levi, brushing his knuckles with her thumb as he fell silent.

"Look, Levi, I know now is not the right time, but you need to drink something. From the look of it, you haven't eaten anything in five days. We're so worried about that."

Except for his ragged breaths and twisted face, Levi remained quiet.

"I'm gonna get you something to drink. I know it hurts, but please, accept it."

Levi forced his eyes open. It was so hard for him to focus, but he couldn't let Hange leave like that. He stared at her a moment before he could gather strength to talk. Only one thought was on his mind. "...I..."  His voice was weak and broken, but he was too desperate he needed her to hear it. "...I...n-need...hm...d-drug...drug...p-please..."

It broke Hange's heart to see that desperate, begging look on his face, yet in her, a new calmness had appeared. Her face moved closer to his, her grip tightening around his hand it may have even hurt him.

"Levi we made it. Today. You've reached the fourteenth day. Only a few hours left for us to completely test our theory, only a few and you may start feeling better on your own. You understand, right? We've come this far, only a few more hours to bear. And then once you get better, we can put that bastard behind bars and make him pay for everything that he did to you."

Levi stared at her back in torment, face fully drenched and glistening. He swallowed hard, letting the weight of her words sink in. He had no idea they made it this far, fuck—it has been hell for fourteen fucking days, not a single moment of rest. It was too much pain...too much...too much...too much...more than he could ever handle... He closed his eyes again.

"Levi." Hange's voice brought him back to the room and he reopened them. Her browns searched his greys, looking from one to the other. "Can you be patient for a little more? Please."

A little more—Fuck—Levi hated it. But he could push through a few more hours of this hell. Not that he had much of a choice anyway. Maybe he was stupid, but a sliver of hope was instilled in him now that he reached this far. Even when he knew it was hopeless, he could bear a little more, even if it hurt this fucking much, Maybe...Just maybe then he could restore...

" 'Kay..." He strained with a whisper, closing his eyes that looked on the verge of breaking into tears.

Hange's lips twisted in a sad smile, exchanging a glance with Erwin who still stood at the other side of the bed.

"I'm certain it will work. Every withdrawal has got to have a limit o—" She softly said, curling her hand to hold more of Levi's palm in hers.

Levi didn't seem to have heard that. Instead, he spoke in the middle of her sentence. "T-turn me."

Erwin hesitated from behind, he didn't want to cause him pain by doing that again. But who was he to deny Levi's wish? He took in a deep breath and tucked his palms carefully under his friend's back again, one beneath his shoulder blade and the other above his hip. "You hold his leg, Hange." He muttered, closing his eyes with apprehension.

At the mark, they turned him to the side together, feeling all of his muscles contract and his voice growing hoarser with a clenched-teeth yell. 

"Ghhhhh."

The last thing Levi registered was the intense pain that spread in him, the nausea that twisted his gut... then his mind started slipping away, the voices of his friends fading into unintelligible background as every fiber of his being focused on the overwhelming sensations. All his plans of curling up and hiding his distorted expression went to shit as he laid on his side, unable to lift his hand, a pathetic look plastering on his face for his friends to see. But at this point, he didn’t have mind to care anymore.

It was a beautiful starry night, one very unfitting to Mike's mood. He had stormed out of Levi's room seething, having full intention of heading back to Erdmann —but then it struck him, that if he killed him now, then who would be supplying Levi if Hange's plan were to fail? So with fists still tight, he made a detour to the highest balcony in the castle instead.

It was a rarely visited tower that only a few veterans knew access to. Mike pushed the wooden door open, taking in a deep breath. Once he glanced the stars, he felt glad the voice of reason had brought him here instead of the stables; they were on the fourteenth day already, just a few hours for it to end, he could wait out that much to make sure Levi got better. That, however, didn't mean that Mike was calmed, or that he was any less angry. If anything, he felt like a barrel of explosives, ready to detonate and rush to Erdmann at any second by any slight trigger just so he could fuck him up. The only problem was that he wasn't sure he could stop himself before he killed him.

"Mike." 

Mike gasped, startled by the sudden voice. He turned to the corner to spot his squad leader comrade sitting there, enjoying what looked like a drink. 

"It's a nice night to be out here, isn't it."

Mike exhaled. His mood was far from enjoying the view, further from having to share a conversation.

"Yeah." He mumbled regardless.

"Want a drink?" Max raised the bottle in his hand up for Mike to see its label. It looked like the kind Gelgar would usually enjoy, something strong. He could use some of that now.

"Why not." Mike sighed, taking a few steps and grabbing the bottle from his friend. He gulped a sip and felt it burn against his throat, causing his face to twist. But then Mike returned it to his lips again and took a few more generous sips, desperate to drown and numb his thoughts and feelings.

Max laughed at that reaction. "Tough day?"

"You have no idea." And Mike answered as he returned the bottle.

"Well, sorry bout that." The shorter man's face still held a hint of a smile, a serene look plastering on his face along with a drunken blush. "Hey Mike, how's Levi now? Is he any better?"

Mike's face gave out the slightest expression before he got himself together. He had to lie to Max before, had to tell him that Levi had fallen while cleaning his room and that he hurt his leg. He told him that he and Hange were behind his fall, hoping to explain the curses in case Max had heard any of them, but the shorter man seemed to have only heard a scream and some knocks on Levi's door that day, which gave Mike some hope he believed his shitty lie. Well, he didn't have time or brains back then to think of something better.

"He is." He replied briefly.

"Why is he unallowed to have visitors? I wanted to check on him, got told I can't. And why the hell was he kept in a basement cell? They said he's in a hospital but what kind of idiot thinks keeping him down there will go unnoticed? Everyone knew by day two."

Mike raised his eyebrows. "I don't think everyone knows, but you do."

"Oh, believe me, everyone knew, you just didn't hear it." Max stopped and sipped from his bottle. "Rumors are circulating around, says the captain has some incurable desease. Young recruits who look up to him are getting demoralized by that. Some say they heard his screams coming from the basement, some say they heard them from the adjoining tower, others say he's dead, and that the higher-ups are covering it up not to demoralize us more."

Mike stared with surprise before he snorted a fake, nervous laugh. "Who the fuck comes up with these things? He'd just been injured from the fall, and that shirt hurts, but he's getting better." Mike knew his words to be hollow, tomorrow's paper would probably come to confirm every claim and rumor. But by the walls he was too tired to think up of anything.

"Why are you denying visits to him."

"I'm not denying shit." Mike looked away, escaping the curious gaze. "Levi just doesn't like people being there when he's sick. It doesn't help him recover, just makes him worse. He'll get over it. "

At that moment, the old wooden door opened and Hange appeared. 

"Oh, so you're here." She mumbled, looking relieved. Erwin had told her to find Mike before she went to make the juice, he was still worried about him going back to Erdmann in a moment of anger and he had to remain with Levi not to leave him vulnerable to Erdmann's people. Her suspicion of finding the blonde here was spot on, it was always this place he ran to whenever he felt off.

Glancing at the bottle Mike was about to grab from Max, Hange looked back at him. "Enjoy your drink, just don't overdo it, Mike. Erwin needs you later."

Levi didn't want to move, he didn't want to be moved, not even a bit. Everything in his body hurt, and every slight movement was like salt rubbed on injured flesh.

He had refused Hange's offer to change his dirty shirt—he just wanted to lay still. So it wasn't a surprise that when Hange came back with the juice, he refused to let her or Erwin help him sit up and drink it. He didn't want to move, just wanted to remain like this, on his side, bearing hell for what it was.

It didn't matter how many times Hange begged him, not how she told him she was worried, she couldn't understand how painful it was for him to have his body shift an inch. And by god he didn't want her to be worried, but he just couldn't imagine having to move that beaten flesh after the long ride home.

"Levi, please, just one sip. I'll help you drink it. Please accept it from me." Erwin's uncharacteristically soft voice reached, almost begging as he took Hange's place.

Levi wanted to accept, but fuck, he just could not.

"I will help lift your head a bit, okay? I won't move the rest of your body."

Levi breathed in shakes. He didn't nod a yes, but then, he didn't shake a no.

"Okay." Erwin muttered gently, taking it for a yes. He placed his hand under Levi's cheek, watching him wince with the slight movement. His palm soon turned clammy from his friend's excessive sweat. With his other sunhand, Erwin approached a mug to the raven's lips, talking to him like a mother would do her little child. "Just one sip."

Levi felt nauseous merely from the thought, from the strong muskmelon smell that reached his nostrils, dominating all the other fruits. 

Knowing that he had only one chance, Erwin made sure to pour a generous quantity, still doubting it to make any difference after five days of eating nothing and two weeks of malnutrition. Levi's addam apple bobbed with hardship, face twisting and looking on the verge of expelling everything instead of sending it down his throat.

Erwin was completely bewildered at how such a tiny, little quantity, could cause Levi's guts to spasm with such intensity for almost half an hour after. Levi's stomach collapsed on itself, feeling like someone was squeezing it into a tight fist. He turned his head and dived into the pillow, muffling up a succession of hoarse whimpers. 

"Ngh...ngh...ngh...ngh..."

Erwin was relieved when Mike walked in to join them after that thirty minutes had passed, the least he needed was for him to witness any more of Levi's suffering.

Hange settled into the chair she had dragged to Levi’s bedside days ago. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, her hands clenching and unclenching around the armrest in rhythm with the contortions of his face. It has been an hour since he drank the juice. This was typically the hour he took his injection, since such an hour he had cut it and hadn't taken it. Now, the fourteenth day was officially over! So maybe now, or in a few more minutes, he would finally tell her he was feeling better. Oh, how she wished this would work and not be all gone for nothing!

Erwin sat at a chair by the table near the window, watching Levi intently too. Mike settled on the bed near Levi's feet, where considering his friend's short stature, was plenty of room. 

The air felt thick in the room. Everyone waited for Levi to start getting better, unsure if he was conscious enough about their existence. He has gone too limp and silent since after his gut contractions ended. They were all silent too, just waiting...

Sometimes, Hange would ask him how he was feeling. Most of the time, he just didn't answer. Sometimes, she didn't bother asking when his body gave her enough bad signs.

But she was still hopeful. Every drug should have a period for withdrawals, right? This one will to. It has too! Erdmann is a liar, he must've lied. They do have hope, this waiting was their hope. Now is midnight, now it has been officially fourteen days and two hours. It should work soon, at any minute. It's still too soon. They got time, then he should start getting a teeny, tiny, bit better. 

The three veterans stayed in their places, unmoving, the room’s silence broken only by the sound of Levi’s hitching breaths. Mike gave in to his exhaustion, having curled his upper body forward to lay on the mattress near Levi's legs almost an hour ago. He blinked wearily when he noticed something out the window; the color of the sky had changed. Mike raised up slowly to confirm, and there it was; it was sunrise.

He soon turned to Hange like he was silently questioning her.

"Hey, Levi?" Hange called in response, swallowing hard and feeling a huge dark cloud press down her shoulders. "Levi..."

"...Hm-m..." It came all shaky and weak.

"Are you feeling any bit better?"

".....-N--no... Hanj-p-please...drug... n-now..." Levi strained, barely finding words to form a full sentence.

Erwin passed a hand through his blond strands. He felt the seriousness of the situation grow to a critical level. Could they have failed after everything? Had they really tortured Levi for nothing? Will he always be dependent on Erdmann for the rest of his life?

Mike's breath suddenly turned ragged. Hange caught the change quickly, glancing his way a moment before looking back at the raven who looked like he was being tormented every passing second. Has she really failed? Has she made him go through this hell and torture for nothing? It was always a possibility, so why was she feeling a pit plow into her stomach now? Why was a bitter taste coating her tongue at once? Why was there a growing anxiety that constricted her heart and breaths? Will he really be dependent on Erdmann forever?

Erwin passed a hand through his hair again, grinding his teeth together. Hange didn't even know he had come behind her until she felt him tap her back, silently motioning toward the door once she turned to look at him.

Chapter Text

"Drug... Dru-g..." Levi whispered, very weakly. His eyes were closed, eyebrows contorted, lips moving like he was feverish and his words were delirium. His forehead scraped against the pillow with the little strength he had, leaving a wet trail from his excessive sweat. "...D...Dru-g...drug..."

Mike sat near his feet. He placed a sympathetic hand on his friend's upper arm, like it would somehow help him grow patience through the hell he was feeling. Mike felt his muscles twitch through the thin shirt, growing rigid and soft in alternating motions. He sensed the hunger in his cells, like a herd of feral animals seeking to be fed and satiated, brutal and unforgiving in their quest.

Hange had walked out to the corridor with Erwin for a while. She watched him run a hand through his blonde hair again. It wasn't something he usually did, but she'd seen him do it a lot since they'd found Levi. She came to realize it was something he did when he felt scared or nervous.

Despite it being illogical, she somehow always believed Erwin to be immune to such emotions. In all her years of knowing him and through every tough situation they'd faced, he had always kept his calm like the night it sometimes creeped her out. Only now she got to see these feelings too clearly in him—then again, only now she got to see Levi wrecked in the years she'd known him too.

They had barely spoken enough, Erwin was still in the middle of a sentence when...

"Hange!!" A loud yell erupted from inside Levi's room, reaching beyond the door and down the corridor.

Hange jumped in her place, eyes widening at the sheer panic in Mike's voice. She watched Erwin's eyes do the same, growing wide as his chest heaved with a sudden gasp.

Immediately, she turned around and pushed the door violently open, bulging into the room with running steps.

"What?" She screamed.

"I-I don't know what happened—he was just laying and then..." Mike gushed, eyes wide, breaths loud. He had stood up from his seat near Levi's feet, blue eyes panicking as he stared at his friend.  

Beneath him, Levi was laying on the bed, completely rigid like a piece of wood. His entire body was contracting, from his neck down to every last little muscle on his fingers and toes. His eyes were opened wide, lips pressed shut as his jaw clenched so hard his teeth could crack. His fists were so tight his nails dug blood in his palms. His toes curled, his stomach contracted, so much that his middle arced forward.

"Hmmmm." A trapped, shaky voice escaped Levi as he stared at the wall ahead, unable to do anything. 

"Hange, the drug! Fast!" Erwin screamed, completely losing himself.

Hange was frozen in her place, her mouth open like she was going to say something but hadn't the ability to bring out words.

"Hmm-m..." Levi continued, voice growing more feeble until his lungs grew empty of air. His eyes looked frightened, and Hange didn't even want to imagine what he was feeling. 

He was trapped in his own body, unable to move, to speak, to deviate his eyes in any direction but where they were stuck on ahead. His pain amplified as every muscle in him contracted at once, both sane and beaten. Foam collected at the side of his lips as his entire body continued to tremble, having lost the ability to even make a sound. It felt like too much, too much he was gonna die...

"Hange!" Erwin screamed again, grabbing her shoulder and turning her towards him. His thick eyebrows were joined in a deep frown, blue eyes terrified like she had never seen them be before. "The drug—now!"

Two streaks of tears escaped Levi as breath emptied from him with his lungs contracting like the rest of his muscles. There was not an inch of his body left untensed, all hurting and contracting way above their limit, all aching him to a level he didn't know was possible. 

"Hange!" Mike yelled. "Hange wake the fuck up! Do something!" He yelled at her as Erwin shook her up by the shoulder.

Levi finally fell limp against the matress, eyes closing as everything in him grew relaxed. His closing eyelids pushed the excessive water in his greys to fall down the trail of his cheeks, warm and glistening. It all happened in a moment, but it felt way slower to everyone around. Only then did Hange's wide browns turn away from Levi to acknowledge the existence of the other two, only then she realized how fast her heart was thumping, how shaky her breathing has turned.

She glanced at Mike, then at Erwin, reading the clear intention in their eyes.

"We need to wait." She muttered before they could say a thing, eyes wide, words cautious yet rushed.

"Come again?" Mike took a step towards her, and had she not known him for years, she would've been scared from the way his body towered way above hers, his eyes narrowing to slits.

"This has happened before." She added, looking into his blues. 

"No, Hange. It's too risky." Erwin spoke from beside her with full conviction. He knew what she referred to; they did find Levi once with signs of a seizure. He had carried him to the medical ward himself back then. But that was way earlier than now, and now, Levi looked on the verge of death at any second. 

"No, please, don't let us lose our progress now. He had strained himself, he hadn't been sleeping for days and Erdmann had made it all worse—this was bound to happen. It's his body taking a rest; this is good for him."

"No, Hange, this isn't good." Mike shook his head. "We've waited the damn fourteen days and he's still sickn it's about time we stop this nonsense. And you ought to do it fast before we fucking lose him, fucking right now."

"Mike, I know you're scared, but he will be fine."

"No. That's enough tormenting him. It's like Levi had said, it's pointless." Erwin muttered, a sense of defeat clear in his low tone. It was quite uncharacteristic of him. It sounded tainted with a sense of responsibility, for having not listened to his friend before and denying him, only to turn out to be wrong.

"Erwin..." Hange’s voice wavered, eyes fixated on the commander. It broke her heart that Levi was like this, and she only wanted what was best for him. She was already tormented by guilt and fear of the plan turning wrong—she didn't need these two to make it any harder. "I already explained to you outside that it may take more than fourteen days. Even Levi knows that, I explained it to him too before we started. I—I don't know for how long, but I do think it's better if we wait. We won't get another chance to do this again, won't we? Mike, you know I want what's best for Levi too, please don't make it harder for me than it already is."

"How do you know he's fine when he's like this?" Erwin asked her, frightened of even contemplating the idea of losing his friend.

If anything were to happen to Levi now, he would never forgive himself for having sent him to Erdmann alone. For having taken him for granted. For having denied him when he begged for the drug and tried to tell them that this was all pointless. He will never forgive himself for having twisted his arm to come up from the underground, only to cause him to lose his family. Then burdening him with so many responsibilities than a single man could handle, all in the name of humanity. He had abused his friend's compassion and played him like a top-tier con man. He had sent him on missions knowing well how much they would burden him after. And it killed him, not getting a chance to make it all up now. He had always done Levi wrong, and all he got back from him was a sense of unconditional forgiveness and loyalty that he did not deserve.

Hange turned back to face the raven. For once, his pain twisted eyebrows took a neutral stance. If it weren't for his extreme paleness, excessive sweating and tears and foam traces, he would look as peaceful as an angel. "He's getting some sleep, he's not feeling pain anymore."

"Yes, but how do you know he's really fine and not—"Erwin's voice dropped a few octaves as he went on. "...not slipping away?"

Hange didn't know. It tore at her, but it still didn't stop her. "Look, last time this occurred, he slept for what? Six hours? Give me that much. We'll keep an eye on him all that time. We made it this far, let us wait this much. And if he doesn't wake up by then, then I will inject him as you both want. Erwin, you said you would trust me outside. You said that too before, Mike." She said, gaze alternating between the two blondes. 

Erwin returned his gaze to Levi, not saying that he accepted, but not voicing out a no. Mike turned around and walked to the wall, punching it lightly in a silent, grudging agreement...

Chapter Text

Hange plunged the cotton cloth into warm water, watching the liquid darken with dust remnants. She wrung it out, her fingers tightening around the light fabric. Her lips twisted downward as she brought it back to Levi's face, her touch unbearably gentle. She wiped the dust clinging to his cheek, the drying tears at the corners of his eyes, the excessive sweat that beaded his skin, drenching it along with his bangs.

She felt a sense of satisfaction from having him look clean again—at least she could do that much for him. Hange knew that if he had an ounce of his usual self left, he wouldn't have beared remaining in such dirty state.

Her eyes wandered across his face, finding a neutral expression, for once peaceful and not distorted from pain. Levi's undercut had grown out, and he had a few scattered stubbles on his jaw that looked too soft on him. It was the first time she saw him with such style, and if she were to admit it, she found it... cute. 

A sudden urge instilled in her to come down and hug him, or kiss his cheek. The little shorty wouldn't let her come near when he's awake, so it was only fair she did that now. Maybe if Mike weren't beside her she would've done that. Either way, she was happy to just watch from afar as his chest rose and fell evenly, his breaths steady and for once not loud and hitching.

"Help me out." Hange told Mike, who responded by lifting Levi up to a sitting position.

He was so very gentle despite the raven not being conscious. Levi's head lolled against his chest, boneless, and Mike used his core to support it, letting him lay against himself. He held him there as Hange unbuttoned the dirty shirt, traces of Erdmann's shoe still printed on its light fabric.

Hange felt her stomach tighten upon revealing the damage beneath. She knew exactly what she would find in there, but she couldn't help that reaction regardless. It was a total mess that spread down Levi's core; angry purples, sickly yellows, swollen reds. Deep bruises covered his abdomen like an oil painting, bearing witness to what had been done to him. Levi's muscles weren't twitching anymore, and Hange chose to ignore her thoughts and find shelter in the fact that at least he was not feeling any pain now.

Mike avoided the beaten area as soon as he glanced it, blue eyes flickering up to his friend's face which he kept against his shoulder. Levi's lips looked chopped and parted, accommodating even breaths. His eyes were closed and Mike came to realize only now how thick and dark his lashes were. He let his eyes fixate on Levi's painless expression, lest the threatening furry grow inside him again.

Once Hange was done changing the shirt, Mike laid him back on the bed, straightening his limbs to a comfortable position. He let her get busy with buttoning up the new shirt and used that time to unzip Levi's dirty pants—a silent understanding stretching between the two squad leaders.

Mike hated having to do it; he knew that Levi would loathe being in such position, so wrecked to require help with such a thing. But what other option did he have? 

The blonde worked fast despite his gentleness. He pulled Levi's pants down with careful hands, keeping his eyes fixed on the task to afford his friend whatever dignity he could. Mike couldn't help himself, however, the moment the dirtied fabric slipped lower, and something in his peripheral vision caught his attention. His gaze flickered upward to it, an unconscious gasp escaping him at the sight; just beneath Levi's underwear hem, a trail of deep, purple bruises covered his skin. They spread down from his groin, trailing onto the inside of his thighs on each leg, gripping Mike's stomach into a tight fist just having to imagine what that'd felt like. 

Mike's teeth gritted, chest compressing at the sight. He had made Levi ride on horse for an hour with this! Fuck! It was no wonder he kept on whimpering and dry heaving all the way long. That fucker Erdmann! How could he fucking do this to his friend? He will fucking murder him!

"Hange." Mike called, voice barely audible, shaky. But it was enough to have her turn his way, her brown eyes soon following the direction of his blues, and she couldn't help but draw the same twisted expression that Mike wore on his face too. It's no wonder Levi was in a lot of pain—this would be torturous even without withdrawals!

By the time Mike buttoned a clean pair of pants around Levi’s waist, his hands were shaking slightly.

"If this man doesn’t get put behind bars for life, I am going to strangle him with my own hands." He spoke, voice low, hitching.

Hange kept quiet. She wanted to do the exact same thing. So fucking much! But she wouldn't let Mike hear her admit it.

Erwin had literally escaped from the meeting with two Military police officers.

He was not thinking straight despite the facade he had kept. His lips moved with protocol sentences, automatically, but his mind was fully on Levi. His eyes deviated towards the clock every few seconds, until it struck 10 AM, then he rose to his feet abruptly before his mind could concoct a reasonable excuse.

The two officers stared at him questionably. Erwin looked at them back with his trained poker face, a slight smile curving his lips.

"Excuse me for a moment, there's something urgent I need to check at 10 AM precisely concerning research. I'll be back shortly."

The men nodded, exchanging a glance between them.

Erwin walked toward his office door, relieved at how quickly that excuse came to his mind. His steps were calm towards the door, but soon as he exited into the corridor, they turned more rushed, striding, long, decisive...

By the time he reached Levi's room, he was almost running.

Erwin pushed the door open, finding Mike and Hange inside standing by the bed, Levi still laying unconscious there.

His lips twisted slightly downwards at the realization. "He hasn't woken."

"No." Hange muttered, her head bowed. "I’ll go get the drug."

Maybe she was evil. No, she was definitely a devil! Because despite everything, she still wanted to extend this, to experiment and see if he would eventually wake up better. But with Mike and Erwin's pressure she could not, not after the promise she had made to them. Six hours was all she had, and she lost.

Hange left the room, returning a short while later. When she entered again, she found Mike kneeling beside Levi, shaking him with a gentle hand on the shoulder.

"Hey, Levi...Levi..." His voice was deep, desperate, a sense of hopelessness instilled in it despite the hopeful attempt.

Erwin had taken a seat on the chair near the bed, his gaze fixated constantly on the captain. His expression looked careworn, crumbling any poker face he had ever trained to hide behind.

Hange pulled the black box out of her pocket and placed it on the side table. She opened it, grabbing the syringe inside, the tiny vial full of liquid.

"You both are aware that once we do this, we will lose all of our progress." She murmured as she connected the needle.

"We've tormented him enough." Erwin muttered bitterly, gaze not leaving Levi's unconscious form. "He was being tortured, every second we withheld it from him. We only extended his suffering without gaining him a thing." 

Hange didn't say a word to reply as she drew the liquid into the syringe. She was tormented by that thought herself—by her friend's pain. The fact that she was going to inject him now, for him to wake up dependent, relying, needing, after all of the immense suffering she had made him go through... It killed her! She wasn't even sure she could look Levi in the eye once he wakes up. 

Her steps were slow towards the bedside, fearful almost. A nervous breath escaped her as she kneeled beside the raven, taking in his peaceful expression. Hange turned to look at the syringe in her hand; she was about to seal his fate under Erdmann’s mercy forever, there won't be any hope left that if they waited longer he might break free of it. Once she injects him, only certainty will remain. Certainty of a dependent Levi. 

"Don’t you want to wait a little longer?" She asked in a last attempt. 

"He may never wake up from this state again if we let him be." Mike said firmly, still kneeling near his friend on the other side of the bed. 

Hange pushed the air out of the syringe until a glistening droplet formed at the tip. Her fingers trembled slightly as she grasped Levi’s wrist, pushing his sleeve up to reveal his forearm.

Levi's skin looked milky white, a bluish vein bulging at its center. It radiated with life, almost in mockery to the rest of his being. A very faint discoloration remained on it, other than that it looked almost like he'd never used. But Hange knew that soon, it would return to its old state; he will be hungry and desperate for the drug again, and he will be puncturing this same area over and over and over until it gets completely ruined.

With one last breath, she pressed the needle against him and slid it in under his skin.

Levi felt completely unaware. Time was not passing, his consciousness was not present... He didn't feel anything, didn't remember anything. He was...asleep? Maybe... A hint of consciousness awoken within him with a sharp sting to his elbow crease. Grey eyes snapped open, pale lips gasping for air.

Levi found the ceiling before him, and without thought, he turned to the side where he felt the burn, finding his neck muscles more responsive. His eyes slowly widened to find a familiar syringe connected to his bulging vein.

Hange had her thumb ready on the plunger to inject, but it froze in place with Levi's sudden awakening. She could've sworn she watched his pupils dilate at the sight, grey eyes growing wide, wild. Levi remained quiet, but his eyes looked ravenous, feral, not sparing a split second to look anywhere else but where he was connected to his favorite thing in the world. 

Hange felt her heartbeats grow faster, her breathing shallow. With an abrupt yank, she pulled the syringe out of him, clutching it against her pounding chest. He's awake!

Levi's eyes followed the drug, completely missing the line of blood that leaked from his vein as though it was crying the loss. 

"...No." He whispered, glaring at it before he tore his gaze to Hange's wide browns. "Give it back."

Hange was frozen staring his way, eyes completely wide and wary. It took her a moment to get back her senses, to bolt upright so fast and sudden she almost stumbled.

And Levi lunged.

Just like everytime he got, Levi jumped her way at once, desperate for the few drops of liquid. His body failed to respond; pain shot through his every cell with the act, his abdomen and groin burning the most to remind him of his fucked up state. And he grimaced. All he managed to do was to get into a sitting position on two shaky arms, the sensation excruciating—but he didn't care about that. Not now.

"Give it back!" He repeated, voice louder, firmer, like a threat. His eyes watched the thing he craved most, there—right there in front of him! If he had the strength he would've long since jumped on and ravished her to grab it.

For a second, Hange looked back at him with torment, before she turned around and rushed to the outside. Levi's eyes grew even wider.

"No...No...Give it fucking back!" He raised his voice, his hands shaking violently as he grasped the edge of the mattress for anchor, pulling forward despite the pain, the burn, the betraying feebleness. But he was ready to do anything to get behind her! Fucking anything! She fucking lied! She had it all the time and fucking lied to him! "You fucking liar!" He yelled.

An arm suddenly snaked around Levi's front, preventing him from continuing to move forward.

"Levi please calm down." Mike called with a low voice, pulling him back against the bedrest, but Levi was growing feral.

"N-no!! Let me the fuck go—hah." He screamed.

He twisted in Mike's arm, pushing him away, trying to get out of the hold, to reach behind her. Levi could not think of anything anymore, nothing but the syringe with Hange, the drug, the end of his crave, of his torment... He needed to get it, and he was willing to take the pain of the fight to get to it. 

Mike pinned him to the wall, dying out his every move. His arm strained, not against Levi’s strength which he could easily dissipate, but against his frenzy. He knew exactly what every thrash cost him, he would be in so much pain merely from the spasms, to have his beaten muscles contract like this—God, just stop hurting.

Erwin rushed around the bed to stand by Levi from the other side, blocking his way. He knelt in front of him, watching his face twist, eyes wide and dangerous watching behind Hange's trail at the door, breath shallow, shaky.

If he was saying something, Levi was not hearing. He couldn't even register his presence there, not when every inch of him burned—his muscles, his bones, even the air in his lungs felt like fire. 

"Let me go!" He yelled again, frustrated. His arms fought against Mike’s iron grip, but his strength was failing him. His body betrayed him, weak and trembling, barely able to push against the weight keeping him down. And yet he tried, again and again. "Let me the fuck go!" He jerked violently, his entire being consumed by the unbearable need crawling beneath his skin, the intense pain that spread through him with each hint of resistance.

"Levi, please," Mike murmured, his voice steady, soothing, but not at all for Levi's agonized existence.

"Give it back ahhh." He yelled, feeling it burn inside, too painful for having lost it again. Levi kept his struggles, Mike straining to contain him but still fixing him back as his entire body twisted in fight. His legs kicked at nothing and his arms extended forward towards the door, hand shaky and open like it would somehow bring the drug back with telekinesis.

"Please..." Mike muttered, blue eyes closing as he neared his face to his friend's shoulder, lips close to his ear. 

Realizing that he could not outstrenghen Mike, Levi started to give way, his head surrendering back to the wall behind him. His lips twisted like he could cry at any second, gaze still not tearing away from the door. He could still see the picture of Hange disappearing beyond it, taking the drug with her. His lifeline. His salvation. It was so close, yet impossibly far.

They didn’t get him. They had no idea what this felt like, the way the pain dug into his every nerve, the way his body screamed for relief, the way his mind clawed for it, needed it, would do anything for it... Levi let out a ragged breath, pressing his head back against the wall, his jaw clenched so tight it hurt.

"I can't—gh—" He muttered, voice broken.

Realizing he was giving up the resistance, Mike brought his head down to rest it on his shoulder, softening his forcing hold into a calming hug.

Levi couldn't even voice out what he wanted to say. He can't—fuck, he can't take this anymore! Erdmann had said it would only grow worse, and he wasn't lying. It has been fourteen days, it was a hell that he couldn't take since day one, but waking up now, it was too much, too much he could not describe it in words, what he could not take. It fucking ached everywhere. It burned, like someone was pouring lava inside every cell of him, each contraction making it even worse. How could it even be worse than burning fire? He was losing his sanity.

In a sudden movement, Levi tilted his head forward before he threw it back, slamming it violently against the wall behind. He wanted to go back to the unconsciousness, fade away, stop feeling the excruciating sensations taking over every inch of him. He wanted to cease this torturous existence. But all he got was pain, radiating inside his skull like bolts of lightning. He felt Mike's forehead dig into his neck crook further, his long arm wrap him tighter. And there was the hand of Erwin coming immediately behind his head to prevent him his only escape. 

Levi's feet convulsed, digging and twisting into the mattress with agony. Then he relaxed his core, sliding slightly under the sheet with Mike's weight. 

"It fucking hurts—it fucking h-hurts so much." He rasped, his voice raw, desperate, fist clawing at Mike's shirt around his forearm, shaky but strong. He cannot remain like this, he cannot!

Mike pushed him down further with the hug until his head was resting back on the pillow. Levi's face continued to twist through it, completely drenched in his own sweat, his fist pulled tighter at Mike's shirt, his middle rising slightly like he was leeching to him, like he couldn't stand his own existence. 

"Just—just fucking kill me, just b-blow my fucking head off." His voice broke, breathless, desperate.

Mike felt his heart break at the words, eyes closing tight. He hugged his friend even tighter, feeling each convulsion around his body. What could he be feeling to say something like this? Fuck this whole thing, if he had the drug right now, he would've fucking given it to him. 

"...B-blow my fucking head...hmm..." The voices escaped Levi without thought, his grey eyes growing shiny with budding tears as they stared desperately at the ceiling above.

Mike breathed relief the moment Erwin returned from ending his meeting. He let him watch Levi and left to the yard at once, seeking some fresh air away from watching his friend suffer. 

He let out a deep breath, passing his hands aggressively against his face. When they came down from his eyes, he was surprised to find Petra standing right before him. 

"Squad leader Mike, I've been looking for you." She saluted him briefly.

He blinked.

"Captain Levi is back. You said you could not disclose the location where he was hospitalized because he couldn't have visitors. May I see him now?"

For a second, Mike had to retrace all the lies he had to say to cover up his disappearance. It was all Erwin's idea the moment he decided to lock him up in the basement cells.

"Who told you he was back?"

"It's all over the papers. You two were spotted riding on a horse in Trost district, he was very sick apparently and it had me wandering, why did you not bring him home in a carriage?"

Mike closed his eyes, almost wincing. This was not the time for this. 

"The captain loathes to appear like that in front of people, and now it's all over the news."

"Do me a favor Petra and hide whatever paper you find, Levi better not see those."

"So, when can I see him?"

"I'm sorry, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, well, Levi...you said it, he wouldn't like people seeing him like that."

"I'm not people. I'm a member of his squad."

"Sorry, Petra, not now."

"Are you sure this is what Captain Levi ordered? I don't think he would push any of us away. You said he fell and hurt his leg, so why was he looking on the verge of death when you brought him home? That was the title of the article, 'Humanity's strongest spotted looking on the verge of death'." Her insisting, questioning demeanor cracked up. Petra glanced at the floor before she looked back at Mike, and she shifted her weight almost in fear of her next question. "If—if there's something concerning, then please, squad leader Mike..."

"There's nothing concerning, it's all rumors."

"What rumors?"

"That he has an incurable disease. He will be fine."

Petra frowned slightly. Mike's eyebrows rose up.

"You didn't hear about that?"

"No!" He could swear her face paled up at once. "Does he?—"

"Didn't you hear about him being very sick? His screaming from the basement and the old tower?"

Petra's eyebrows dug even deeper, expression horrified. "No! He was screaming!?"

Mike's hand laid on her shoulder. "No, it was a rumor." He told her, blue eyes looking at the side with a sharp gaze before he jolted towards the inner gate. "He's gonna be fine, don't worry yourself."

Petra let out a shaky breath, honey eyes staring behind the tall blonde's trail. She thought that talking to him would bring her answers, but now she has more questions than ever. This was far from being over, she would not let him fleeing mark the end of the conversation! Petra thought, striding towards the commander's office to get some answers.

Chapter Text

Mike's eyes looked wide, breath burning in his lungs as he ran his way up to Levi's room. By the time he reached there, he was panting hard. He grabbed the knob, shoving the door open and staggering in with impatience.

Inside, Erwin stood near the bed, his gaze locked on the trembling figure hidden beneath the sheets. The commander's head snapped up at the sudden sound, and he stepped toward Mike as soon as he spotted him, both men approaching in a clash of urgency. 

"Ewin—" 

"—You're finally here." 

They both said at the same time.

"We need to talk." Mike pressed, his eyes saying more about his urgency than his voice could ever convey. 

"We'll do that later. I need you to keep an eye on Levi for a moment."

Erwin didn't leave the squad leader any time to protest. He continued on his path, rushing to the outside without a slowdown. 

Staring behind his trail, Mike let out a sharp breath, moving his gaze from the door behind him to look at the figure on the bed. 

Levi looked so small when he drew his legs that way. It made half of the bed empty, his curled form taking but little space. He laid on his side, covered in many blankets that gave him back some of the volume he'd lost from malnutrition. He was violently shaking, his teeth chattering so intensely it must ache. 

"Ha, ha, hah, ha..." The breaths escaped him, shaky and pained like he was left naked in a pile of snow. They sounded too intrusive now that the room was drowned in silence, infiltrated by the uncontrolled chatters.

He kept trying to curl into an even smaller ball, trying to retain some heat that wouldn't come. Despite the pain in his core, in his muscles, in his every articulation. It hurt him fucking everywhere, but he was so cold he was convinced he was gonna die if he didn't curl up any tighter.

Mike had seen him go through these cold waves many times before—this one seemed the worst one yet. They were on the fifteenth day, how could this keep on happening!? The blonde ground his teeth, stepping closer towards his friend.

Levi's breaths continued to come in abundance, forced out of his lungs with each shudder like shaky whimpers. They grew clearer the closer Mike got to him. For a moment, he could've sworn he heard some faded words escape the raven through the shakes.

Mike stopped and listened carefully; all he made out wass one curse, and something unintelligible. He remained there behind Levi like a statue, not daring to say a word. He could not anymore understand what he wanted to do, or what he was feeling. It hurt him so bad seeing his friend like this, and he wasn't sure he would be able to look him in the eye or reply if Levi were to speak to him directly. 

For a moment, Mike wondered if Levi was even there with him. If he actually understood and intended the words he was mumbling, or was once again lost in his own mind. All he knew was that he felt the coldness clear, and felt the pain clearer with the excessive trembling.

It merely took three minutes for Erwin to come back. He rushed inside with a bundle of blankets that he threw on the empty half of the bed, then started spreading them one by one to neatly cover the captain from head to toe. Levi's curling figure still shook and shuddered, his shaky breaths successive and brutal.

"Is it better now?" Erwin asked him, worry coating his voice.

The only answer he got was the chattering of teeth, the shaky breaths. "Ha, hah, ha, hah..." So it's a no...

"Erwin, we need to talk." He felt a firm hand lay on his shoulder.

Erwin had almost forgotten about that, his mind being fully on his captain. He straightened his back and walked with Mike to the furthest point from Levi, towards the door. The commander's eyes moved between Mike's blues impatiently, seeking to read anything from them before he could speak. He only glanced resolve, and seriousness; he was going to tell him something important.

Mike parted his lips, and they hung in that position with one light knock on the door, before they joined into a thin line. His blue eyes moved between his commander's in a silent conversation; this can't be Hange, she wouldn't have knocked.

Being close to the door already, Erwin grabbed the knob and opened it fast, fully blocking the view of the room with his wide, towering body. He was surprised to find Petra standing there. And looking at the way her honey eyes widened at his sight, she didn't seem any less surprised.

"Petra? What are you doing here?"

It took her a moment to get herself together, straighten up, and salute him, her face flushing red. This was supposed to be officers' territory, beyond a soldier like her. She wasn't allowed in here and for her damned luck, out of anyone else, she finds the freaking commander of the survey corps.

"C-commander Erwin, I was looking for you in your office, I didn't find you there." Petra started, her eyes looking somewhere down with embarrassment.

Studying her face, Erwin stepped outside, forcing the unexpected guest to retreat before he closed the door behind him carefully, eyes not leaving her face. He prayed that the very subtle breath of Levi that erupted the second he closed the door had escaped her ears. He favored it, seeing how her features didn't seem to change or react.

"Why?"

Petra breathed, red still coating her skin, and she lifted her gaze back up to look at him.

"I heard Captain Levi is back. I wanted to see him. I-I wanted to ask about his condition. But we weren't allowed to come here, so I thought I'd ask you. Excuse me, Sir, I'm just worried."

"Levi's fine." Erwin replied. And Petra continued to stare at him, his face expressionless, stern, his lips joined like that was all he had to say and was waiting for her to leave. But dammit that was not why she took the risk and sneaked to a floor where she wasn't allowed. It wasn't near enough.

"Can I see him?" She gathered all her courage, staring the commander straight in the eye as she asked, resolved, her cheeks heated but she couldn't care.

"He's asleep." As cold and brief as his first answer was, came Erwin's second reply.

Petra stared between the blues. Her first intuition was to ask what he was doing in there if the captain was asleep, but she knew better than to challenge the man.

She felt her heart beat a little faster, her hands closing to connect her nails with her palms. Her head fell down, lips pressed as she stared at the ground. She came here to put herself at ease, but all it's done was confirm to her something sinister. The commander and higher-ups knew something, and were hiding it. Was it like Eld had theorised after the newspaper article? They're doing this not to have the Scouts get discouraged the way they were when the captain had disappeared before?

"Commander, I'm aware that he's very sick... Just—just tell me the truth, is he gonna be okay or not?" Petra's voice dropped with a slight shake, reflecting exactly how much that second thought frightened her.

Erwin sighed, taking a moment to think of his response. "Look, Petra. Levi's asleep. And even if he wakes up, now is not exactly a good time for him to be receiving visitors. But I do promise you he will be fine. He will come and explain to you what happened himself, okay?" Erwin's tone took a softness rarely heard from him, but he knew exactly when it was time to use it, and now it was.

Petra looked up to find an equally soft look. She trusted the commander, he wouldn't look at her this way and tell her that if there wasn't truth to it. But she still wanted to see the captain and hear that from him, regardless. She nodded grudgingly, her hands tightening into fists as she considered how to get back here without any of these officers being in Levi's room.

Erwin stepped back into the room only after he saw her take the first step down the stairs at the end of the hallway. Still standing behind the door, Mike used his palm to close it with a thud before Erwin could even get a chance to, capturing the commander's full attention again.

"I think I found Erdmann's mole." The squad leader announced.

Hange was reluctant to go into the room. She was reluctant to get closer to the bed. To let Levi know she was there. But here came Mike telling her he and Erwin had something urgent to do. And here she was back in the familiar space, scared of taking the step forward that would put her in Levi's field of vision.

He looked like a little ball on the bed, all shaky and unsteady, laying to face the window. Hange swallowed, not knowing if she should just stay here behind him. Part of her wanted to see him, to talk to him regardless. She owed him an explanation for why she was still allowing and extending his torment. Another part knew better than to do that, not when he knew she had the drug.

Hange swallowed again, and took a reluctant step forward. A step turned into another, and another, then within a moment, she was standing right in front of Levi, blocking the light that slanted through the window with her shadow.

Her eyebrows twisted at his sight. Levi's eyes were closed, fluttering beneath thin lids. His lips were parted, sharp, shaky breaths leaving them through chattering teeth, infiltrated by short, unconscious whimpers from time to time that she knew for sure he would never let slip if he were lucid. His skin looked white like the sheets beneath him, contrasted by dark, clammy bangs on his forehead that grew long enough to cover over his eyes. His pillow had a print of sweat beneath his cheek—he must be freezing to be this wet and cold at the same time.

Hange felt an urge to push his long bangs back, like she always did. But her hand lowered as soon as she raised it, knowing she was not welcome to help anymore... She was no longer the good person in this anymore. Not to Levi. Not to herself.

Hange felt her heart clench again as she got reminded of her dos and doubt. She took another step closer to the raven, her heart literally aching her. 

"Levi." She called, so soft.

Grey eyes snapped open to the hearing of that voice. Levi locked eyes with her. He was shuddering, muscles spasming against his will, agonizing him. He wanted to have the strength to move, to get to Hange, to force her to bring the drug and inject him, fill up his veins and his system —But he'd lost all his energy the longer time dragged since his wake, and he felt so cold he would die if he'd left the blankets. He could not fucking move, could not even try when it hurt fucking everywhere.

He was laying on his left side, his right leg straddling a pillow that balanced him to prevent his aching groin from movement. With his eyes staring daggers at Hange, his right hand tightened around the pillow, shaking to reveal his own despised helplessness.   

"I know you wanted to stop this earlier. I know it's been past fourteen days, but Levi—"

"Fuck you." Levi breathed, not even having the strength to lift his cheek from the drenched pillow beneath.

Hange stopped a moment. She blinked, looking down in shame, then back at the steely greys that glared at her constantly. "Okay. I deserve that. But Levi, we made it this far, if all it takes is a few more days to be fully sure, then we better take them now over having to cut this without fully testing the theory."

"I don't w'nt, 'test the fuckin' theory...I'm in fuckin' p-pain!..." Levi's eyes lost their coldness at the mention of these words, eyebrows twisting with a clear sense of agony. Hange felt that on a visceral level. She was such an idiot to even try."...Jus-jus...I jus w'nt b'ck... I wn't b'ck...'M done w'th th's... 'M done jus...M-make it f'cking stop, Hange."

"Only a little more, Levi. Please. I know you would wan..." Levi has left her to her pointless talking, his face twisting with despair and turning slightly to face the pillow, burying in there.

He ground his teeth, hand tightening further around the pillow he straddled. His cells were being shredded; his abdomen, his groin, his fucking every last cell...

"Please..." He whispered, a last attempt, desperate. Fuck he could not handle this, he just wanted to die...

Hange didn't say a word, and he slowly turned his head back to face her. 

Her face was twisted with pain, looking like she was being tormented herself. Still, she showed no sign of willingness to give it to him.

Levi dug his feet into the mattress, feeling his inner thighs and groin ache sharply with the action. He could not stand when just doing this made him nauseous. A small whimper escaped him, eyes not leaving Hange's. Faced with her same ignoring stance and his unability, Levi felt an urge to cry rise within him. He just wanted to crumble down and fucking weep, for being so helpless and denied. His body continued to tremble and flinch, torturing him to what was beyond any human capacity to endure.

"I hate you." The words slipped out of him, a mere movement of his quivering lips that Hange read loud and clear. 

Hange's eyebrows rose further in the middle as she stared at pale greys. She felt like her heart was penetrated by a spear with the words. But as much as it hurt her, part of her felt acceptant, because she did deserve pain for being such an awful human being.

Erwin and Mike strode down the long hallway, their blue eyes taking on a golden hue each time they passed a window from which sunlight slanted. Their presence felt dominating, even scary, both taking up much space with their huge bodies and confident steps.

"He lied. I asked around; no one knew about Levi being kept in the cellar or being very sick beyond that day he was found in the woods—only today they did after the newspaper release. This perfectly explains why we could never get the turncoats all this time, because they had a section commander covering up for their shit." Erwin recalled Mike's words, his teeth grinding, his steps growing faster. 

"He's outside." Mike growled, steps slowing down at the glancing of Max out in the yard through one of the long windows lining the corridor. 

Both blondes detoured from his office to the outside. Max was busy smiling, sharing what looked like an interesting conversation with his aide and one of his squad members. Erwin let out a sharp breath; if what Mike said turned out to be true, he'd lose one of his most trusted subordinates. Max had always had a knack for leadership, his squad trusted him, he was well loved by everyone and felt like a cohesive to the entire group. 

Now, not only that, but he would be losing all the people who worked under Max as well. A full squad he'll lose trust from. It seemed like he'd failed at convincing these people to fight for humanity's cause, when they'd strayed to serve another person instead.

"Max." Mike called once they reached him. 

The shorter man turned around to face them, smile still plastered on his lips, slowly fading to noticing the serious gaze both blonds scrutinized him with.

"Hey, what's up?"

"We want to have a talk with you. If you'd accompany us to your office." Erwin said, face hard and expressionless. Max frowned slightly.

"Alright." He muttered softly, waving to his subordinates before he turned to walk alongside the two blonds. Mike made sure to move from being next to Erwin, appearing on Max's right side so both the blonds could tower above his average height frame on either side.

"What's with those serious looks? Something wrong?" He asked.

"We'll talk in office." And Mike was quick to reply, putting an end to the conversation while still looking ahead.

Max's office was the first of theirs to encounter them. He unlocked it and walked in, the blonds right behind him. Max continued walking forward to stop in the middle, followed by Mike, and Erwin stopped a second to close the door behind them before he joined the other two in the center, creating a wide circle.

Max's eyes moved between the two men unceasingly, cautious and wary like a silent request. 

"We know about your connection to Erdmann." Standing right ahead of him, Mike did not beat around any bush, face cold and stern, looking down at him. The thought that this was true—that this man he thought of as a friend had allowed and helped in making Levi suffer—made him want to slam the bastard's head against the desk. 

Erwin watched Max's face pale up immediately, and it was only then that he confirmed the theory; Max was indeed Erdmann's rat.

"What?" He finally muttered, losing the strength to even say it firmly.

"Don't you dare fucking deny it!" Mike suddenly barked, his entire body flinching forward like he was barely holding himself back from punching the breath out of him. And maybe he would've done it, if it weren't for the hand laying suddenly on his shoulder, gently pushing him back. Mike looked to the side to find it was Erwin, glaring at Max without sparing him a look.

"Max, you’ve always been an exemplary soldier on the field—willing to give your heart and life for your comrades. It earned you your position as a section commander. Now, I don't doubt your intention to help humanity or your loyalty to your fellow soldiers. I just don't see, how could earning a little money from Erdmann, be comparable to this? You were ready to sacrifice your life on many occasions—money seems quite useless in comparison. What can you even do with it if you're no longer alive? What made you stray to serve Erdmann's cause when you were ready to give your life for us?"

Max swallowed hard, glancing down before looking up.

"With all due respect, Sir, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't you fucking play this card, Max." Mike slammed the desk behind the shorter man with an open palm, the sound too loud and abrupt it made him flinch in place. It even startled Erwin a little, who stood on the left. 

"He's right." Erwin added, glare not swaying from the shorter man. "There is no doubt that it is you. We just want to know why, Max. I am aware of your loyalty to humanity. Depending on your reason, you may walk away from this with minimal damage. So go on, be compliant, don't make it hard because it'd only make it worse for yourself."

Max looked down, his breath shaking. His chest rose and sank visibly for the two men to see. When he looked back up, his lips were tensed and his eyebrows were quivering slightly with a reversed curve.

"...I didn't do it for the money." He rasped, words merely above a whisper. "In fact, I never took a bit of that money. I only gave it to people who were willing to help. I didn't deserve it for being such a horrible human, betraying my friends, and pouring their money away to waste."

Max hid his face downwards, like he couldn't quite voice what he did it for. His jaw tensed further his teeth could almost crack. He stepped forward, making Mike and Erwin retreat to the side to make way for him to move. Max loosened his tie, taking a few steps around the desk to sit in his chair, eyes avoiding the two men at all costs.

"Erdmann is too powerful. He got my arm twisted."

Erwin's eyes widened. His first thought was that Erdmann had forced Max to be an addict as he had Levi.

"It started years before I joined the scouts. You already know that, Mike, that my family doesn't come from the best background. We lived in the countryside of Wall Rose, where money and food were scarce. Poverty was all I knew. I remember having an older sister who helped take good care of me. She helped with the land, and helped Mother with raising my three younger brothers. Then one day she left home and never came back." Max's voice twisted with a sense of deep pain.

"That was the kind of people Erdmann would thrive on. The poor. The weak who had no one to protect them... I was young and powerless, I couldn't protect my sister. The Garrison were lazy bastards, unwilling to do their job and make an effort in a search for someone like her... I didn't get where she disappeared or how for years. Till I lost hope... Then I join the training corps, become a Scout, and I start climbing up the ranks, then get an invitation from our funder. I go to see him, and it is my sister right there." Max eyes closed, his eyebrow twisting with an ugly memory he seemed desperate to want to forget.

"...The only thing I was able to recognise was the look in her eyes. Nothing else was the same. Not her skin. Not her hair...She was so skinny...Erdmann tells me she has been working for him for the past eight years. He had her all that time!... I was shocked, and when I told her to come with me so we leave, I could see how unhappy she felt, how sick of working there she had been...but she didn't come with me...Her eyes looked desperate, something was tying her. Erdmann later clarified that it is a drug. He said I can get my sister back, but she will need it, and he said he was willing to let me have her, and give me the amount she needs, but as payback I should do as he wanted and smuggle some of his goods. He promised to give me money too, but I never cared for that."

Max stopped and swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing hardly. His lips still twisted downward, eyes looking somewhere on the desk to avoid the two blonds, pain clear on his features.

"That day, I went home with my sister... She told me that she had been working at a famous brothel in Seena for years. All that time, she could've run and come home, but she didn't...Because she was willing to do anything just for the drug. Same as all the other girls with her—Erdmann had a full net of such people...I tried to convince her to ignore it and start a new life, I promised to protect her, because I was strong now. But she wouldn't accept...It ached her so bad to be without it. Sometimes when the girls did something wrong in the brothel, they'd lock them up in a room and let them go without the drug for a full day, they would go crazy!..It just hurt so bad and made them rather die, than do anything wrong ever again... So I couldn't deny my sister. I had to do what Erdmann wanted for her to keep getting her supply." His head lowered, lips twisting further with shame. "I'm sorry, Sir. There was nothing I could've done. I lost her once, wasn't able to protect her. I couldn't let it repeat again."

Mike's muscles visibly relaxed with every sentence of Max. His anger towards him slowly began to fade, growing to understand that this was coercion more than it was a betrayal. Erwin kept his face expressionless, the only thing noticed past his thick eyebrows and precise eyes was the sense of deep thought.

"Why were you asking about Levi? Did Erdmann ask you to?" The commander asked.

Max bent his back further down, covering his face in his palms. He let out a shaky breath, wiping his skin before straightening up again to a slight hunch.

"He did." He whispered, steam almost coming up his head from the strong shame and heat he was feeling. "He didn't tell me anything about Levi. He only asked about him whenever we met. He never did that before, but he seemed to have taken a new interest in the captain lately. I never understood why, then-" Max stopped again, his lips joining together to make the breath come forced loudly from his nose, lips pressed and twisted. 

"He asked me to bring Levi to him. My men carried him to his subordinate." Max's voice trembled slightly. He never wished to do that, he knew back then that nothing good could come from it. Nevertheless, he did. He compromised the captain, and the Scouts, and humanity. He wanted to decline the order so badly! But bringing the weekly dose for his sister that day, seeing her being there, being happy, after all the suffering she endured—He could not bring her back to suffer if Erdmann conveyed his threat of never giving her the drug again.

"I'm sorry." Max whispered, head bent down again to fall into his palms. "I wanted... I wanted to know what was happening, that day on the roof, when I asked you, Mike. I was hoping you'd tell me something. It wasn't for Erdmann—it was for me. I had my suspicions when the soldiers I sent with him told me he looked so sick. He's hooked on the same drug my sister is on, is he not?" Max raised his eyes for the first time, meeting the blues.

Erwin was the one to answer him. "You're suspended from your job as a section commander, suspended from the Scouts until further notice. Please gather your things and leave the office by the end of the day."

The look on Max was heartbreaking. He should've expected this to come, and yet, the way his eyes grew, like someone had just squeezed his heart into a fist.

"Sir!" He muttered.

Erwin looked at him with his same expressionless face. "We're going to lead an investigation into the matter before we take any final decision." He reassured. "Was everyone in your squad accomplice?"

Max swallowed hard, eyes piercing, filled with pain. "No." He whispered.

"Do write me a full list before you leave. I want every name in there." Erwin insisted. He was willing to forgive Max if everything he said was confirmed to be true, granted with a demotion of his title. However, unlike the section commander who was coerced, the other soldiers did it for the money, and Erwin was not ready to tolerate such people in his team. He would be firing every name on the list and sending them for a trial.

"How did you know Levi was in the basement cells? We left them empty and made going there unauthorized." Mike asked.

"We searched." Max's voice lowered, taking the shameful tone it took each time he spoke of what he did for Erdmann. "We looked everywhere, and that place being closed for holding new storage sounded perfect, especially considering that you two and Hange were going there many times a day. Erdmann gave us a sleeping powder that we slipped into your dinners so you fell asleep and left him alone. We took him then." His voice grew thicker with shame, lowering by the word. How low of him. "I'm so sorry."

"You may have done it for your sister, but that doesn’t take away one bit from how shitty of a person you are." Mike uttered, his face twisted with contempt as he remembered how much that trip had cost Levi. He was still suffering the consequences of it to this day, his entire middle purple and bruised.

Chapter Text

He cried on the floor, begging for it to be ended. He tugged at his own hair and scratched at his own skin enough to draw blood...

It was hard for everyone to watch him like that. At some point when it was his turn to spend the night with him, Mike had walked out of the room, closing the door with trembling hands and standing with his palms against the wall of the hallway, his breath hitching. He could not anymore watch his friend be like this.

Sometimes, Erwin would wonder if this withdrawal was actually lethal as Erdmann had claimed, and only because it was Levi suffering it that it didn't kill him. Levi was very stoic, very strong. He always had an incredible ability to withstand, an incredible stamina. For him to actually reach this level, Erwin was convinced no other human would've handled this amount of pain.

The three veterans continued to take turns to keep an eye on him as usual. The scouts' headquarters was bustling with many activities during that time, most of which fell on Erwin to do, especially considering the approaching expedition. Then with Mike helping him, it was mostly Hange who had to sit with Levi and keep him company with her research branch put on hold.

For two days, the three officers never got to meet together in the same room. But here came the morning of the third when Mike came to take over for Hange, and he showed up with a concerned Erwin who wanted to check on Levi before starting his day.

Levi was laying on the bed, his eyes glassy, staring at the ceiling without really seeing. His skin looked clammy, lips parted and too pale like the soul was pulled out of them. He looked completely spent. Even his usually hitchy breaths grew too weak to make any impactful sound. 

Erwin's hands tightened into fists at his sight. This was the damn eighteenth day—how long were they going to drag this for? Maybe it's time they admit that—

"Do you notice it?" Hange asked suddenly. She started noticing this yesterday morning, but didn't want to say anything until she confirmed more. "His spasms are sparser than usual. They used to occur incessantly, only alternating areas, now there are two seconds between one and the other. I know it's very slight, but this is similar to his state on day ten."

Mike's eyes widened, his head turning to face her so fast his neck could've cracked. He felt his heart swell with fastening beats, then his voice followed, deep and wary, "Are you saying...?"

"I think so?" Hange muttered, her voice weak. Even as she counted the seconds, meticulously, each hour, the same result held. And yet, she still felt that hope completely swallowed by a fear of being wrong again. She had always expected to feel happy reaching such conclusion, when this day would finally come! But now she could not. She rather felt pain, having allowed her friend to suffer. Still letting him feel that way now, right now, in front of her eyes. She could not feel any positive feeling when he was like this.

"I don't know if you noticed this either, but his heat and cold waves had been growing exponentially worse. They reached a peak on day sixteen. The ones that followed were still bad, but less intense than those on that day." She added.

Erwin turned to Levi with a sad expression, watching his chest rise and sink calmly, his grey eyes staring at the ceiling, blinking lethargically every few moments. He looked like he didn't hear what was happening around him at all. His hair was drenched and parted, falling on each side of his face long enough to cover his ears. Some even more stubble covered his jaw now, having grown a slight bit longer but still sparser than another man's would.

"He hasn't been eating." He mumbled, voice very weak, unlike him. "We couldn't get him to eat since we brought him back from Erdmann. That's been four days. He hasn't been eating anything but sips of juice for over two weeks, he may as well be losing his strength from starvation."

"That's reasonable, but no, it's not it." Hange closed her eyes, her voice wavering to the memory of Levi's agonized whimpers each time he would try to move, but nothing would follow. He used to find comfort in writhing, now, he was stuck in the same position, laying still and flinching entirely at once. "It's true that he's grown weaker, but he has grown more aware. Two days ago he couldn't even recognise our presence, we can rule out malnutrition when he's gaining that ability back." Hange paused, letting out a shaky sigh. Her brown eyes remained fixated on the raven sadly, like she was breaking bad news, or afraid of building hope that may not come. "...I know it's very slight, but he's showing signs of improvement. If—if they continue then maybe we will have him back." 

Erwin felt his heart swell with the news, the first time he came into Levi's room and did not feel it compress. He continued staring at Hange, noticing how focused her eyes remained on the raven. It was disturbing how distrustful they all had grown of this drug, so much that this great news could not bring relief to any of their faces. Every time they hoped it would end, the nightmare had only continued. They had hoped for day fourteen, then the one after, the one after, and every time it only resulted in Levi being tormented more, begging them to make it stop while they watched and remained quiet.

"...That's great." Erwin whispered after an extended silence, just to stop it from growing any longer. Yet, none of the three smiled. 

He stepped near the bed, his blue eyes finding greys.

"Levi." He didn't mean for his voice to sound this tired, but to hell with it. He was exhausted from this long journey he just wanted it to end.

With his eyes staring at the ceiling, Levi briefly shifted them aside, locking his gaze with Erwin for a few seconds before turning to look back ahead with a tired blink.

"Hey, buddy, are you feeling any better?" Erwin asked him regardless, voice soft and cooing, head brought down to make him hear.

Levi didn't answer. He just continued spasming, staring ahead in silence. His entire right arm flinched with a spasm, Erwin's hand laid on it gently.

"Hah.." Levi let out thoughtless, like that touch was enough to burn his skin. His eyes strayed again in Erwin's direction, then he pulled his arm an inch away, slow and strenuous. Not enough to free it, but enough to send a message.

"Are you Levi? Feeling any better?" Bringing his head even closer, Erwin asked him again, like he didn't hear him the first time.

Levi fucking had. He just felt too spent to curse him for his shitty question. He was being fucking shredded, he was being fucking shredded, he was being fucking shredded every single damn second...

Erwin has put everything on hold. He wanted to wait, to see where Levi's state would get them.

It was like life had been painted entirely white or black for him with no in between; If Levi managed to overcome the drug, he will prosecute Erdmann and the turncoats for everything that they did. If Levi didn't, he will have no choice but to rely on Erdmann for future drug supplies, and given that he now knows Erwin is aware of the situation, Erdmann will certainly not miss the opportunity to use it against him.

All of that seemed like secondary damage compared to Levi. He had always been so strong and independent. For him to be completely tied, under the mercy of someone, movable like a pawn—Levi will never enjoy life again with that screaming behind him like a megaphone. Erdmann will be twisting his arm to do things for him, and Levi will have to do them, no matter how much Erwin was certain his friend would despise!

There was Hange too, who seemed to have been getting stranger during the past days. The once overly energetic and cheery section commander has not been herself since the fourteenth day of this; she has been growing very quiet, more distant. For someone with her energy, it felt truly terrifying.

Erwin could clearly see how much she hated her turn of watching Levi, despite once having been the only person who did that and stopped him and Mike from even intervening. And yet, she had to spend the most time with him due to her branch being on hold. Erwin wished he could do something to prevent her, but he couldn't when he had many responsibilities and it was only him or her or Mike. 

Regardless, he tried his best; whenever he got time, he would go to her before her watchtime ended and tell her to go get some rest. Every time he saw her again, she never seemed like she had rested. Erwin watched dark circles continue to carve her skin enough to compete with those of Levi, and he watched her observant mind and contagious energy melt into an aura of melancholy.

It was bad, watching everything change so fast, all resulting in grave losses to what once was. Levi and Hange were pillars that the survey cops relied on, now Erwin felt like the foundation was shaking beneath his legs, threatening to make everything crumble.

He tried to come early now too, this time to take over from Mike. Erwin finished writing his last report so fast his wrist ached, then headed to Levi's room with a rush. It was deliberate this time, because they planned to help clean him a little. And maybe, hopefully, get him to eat something.

Erwin sat at the edge of the bed. He gently lifted Levi and held him against himself, keeping him sat too. And as much as he was concerned about hurting Levi by handling him this way, the ease with which he had managed to lift him took half of his mind, drowning it with worry. Levi had lost too much weight Erwin could practically feel his bones sticking out. 

With a bob of his Adam's apple, Erwin swallowed the grim thoughts, arms growing tighter around his friend in reflex like they somehow could protect him from that envisioned future.

Levi only relied on Erwin to support him, his muscles completely loose as he leaned flush against the blonde's broad chest. His right cheek pressed the white fabric of Erwin's shirt, his clammy skin soaking through its cotton. He remained like that, completely giving up and giving in, his eyes staring blankly at Mike who was kneeling before him, dressing him in clean, dry pants.

There was a time when Levi would feel uncomfortable having someone help him with such a thing—now, he didn't have a single shit left to give. He didn’t care to hide his pain, didn’t have the luxury to swallow back groans, or school his expression. Now, he just wanted to die, and nothing else mattered.

"There you go, we're done." Mike raised his head, his blue eyes coming at the same level as Levi's.

Before they changed his clothes, he and Erwin had smeared a white balm on his bruises. Every light pressure from their fingers felt like a stab. Levi had groaned, and shaken his head repeatedly, but they didn't stop. Nothing he said mattered anymore.

From the constant look he was sending Mike, Mike saw that he still remembered the recent event vividly.

"We got the balm especially made for you, from a famous doctor in Shiganshina. Dr. Jeager was the first person to find a cure to the plague four years ago, he said it'll help bruises heal real fast. It'll make you feel better soon." Mike added with a warm expression regardless.

Levi just stared incessantly, his breath unforgiving as it exhaled from his nose. But he still felt too lethargic to do or say anything but lay against Erwin.

Mike looked away, towards the nightstand. "I'm gonna keep this here for you, in case you want to use it again." He said. After all, there was an entire area they skipped, and it was only for Levi to use it there.

"Hmmm..." Levi closed his eyes with a pained twist as the two men gently put him back on the bed, clammy sheets changed into new clean ones that smelled excessively nice. It was something he would've definitely appreciated in any other situation, but now, he only felt raw all over. 

"Is there anything else you want, Levi?" Mike asked gently, appearing again on his knees to have their faces close. Levi just continued to breathe sharply through his nose, grey eyes constantly fixed on him with silence.

It's been two days since Hange noticed his improvement, and while Levi did seem more aware of his friend's presence since, he seemed to be way less responsive. He hasn't said a single word in a while. It was especially worrisome considering that his improvement had plateaued; ever since Hange noticed it, nothing has gotten any better since, and one time, he even got some successive simultaneous contractions, crashing her prior calculations.

It made everyone on edge. But now that they got that little glimmer of hope, the three officers grew more determined to continue this even if it lasted a month.

"Levi, we made you something to drink. You've exhausted yourself for long days without anything, so please." Erwin said, bringing a mug from the nightstand that Levi had failed to see before. Levi wanted to throw up solely from its sight.

How could they expect him to accept this? Even if he were to put the pain it will cost him to digest it aside, he didn't have no reason to drink it. If they prevented him crushing his head against the wall, and throwing himself down the window for days, then what made them believe he would lose this path to death through starvation?

It was ironic that he once was so close to dying as a kid, and here he grew and moved away from that shithole he was born into, only to cycle back and end up dying by the same method he had escaped before.

When Erwin came forward and tried to lift his head, Levi turned it to the other side sluggishly, lips twisting like he'd throw up. Erwin slowly retreated the mug, the attempt failing yet again. 

"Levi, please." He pressed. Levi remained turned, head slightly shaking with the spasms. 

Feeling desperate, Erwin grabbed his cheek and forced his head around. He was running out of options and time—Levi needed to eat if they were to continue this, he needed to keep him alive. How long was he going to go with his flow? It's been seven days since they brought him back from Erdmann and he would deny it each and every time.

Levi’s hands twitched, fingers spasming open without any ability to raise. Erwin brought the mug closer to him, he would force it into his system. But before he could do, Levi joined his lips together tight, like a kid offered vegetables.

Desperate, Erwin tried to part them, prying them open with his free hand, but he was greeted by a set of clenched teeth.

"Drink, damn it!" The blond uttered frustratingly, slamming the mug down on the matress. Juice slopped over the new clean sheets. It was not like him to lose himself nor to curse, but fucking shit fuck this fuck of a situation! "—Levi, you are going to die of starvation if you don't drink. Don't think it a way out. You improved, you showed progress, and now it's stopped. It may as well be because you aren't eating. So please, please, drink this."

Levi stared constantly at blues, no word escaping him still. His head was forced into position by Erwin's hand, but his lips remained joined with force that his body didn't have, making them squirm in resistance to giving up. 

The liquid shook in Erwin's hand, he bended forward, he was going to attempt it again—

"Erwin enough." Mike muttered, placing a hand over the commander's shoulder and slightly pulling back. Usually, it was Erwin who would do this to him. He never expected he would one day be doing it for the calm commander.

Mike felt the tremor running through him, the tension in his muscles, the slight shake of them. His grip tightened further, exerting more effort in pulling him back. Erwin still stood in place, steady like a tree trunk.

"It won't work like that." Mike added, voice softening.

Letting out a sharp breath, Erwin retreated back with the grip.

When he glanced his face, Mike could've sworn his skin had grown too pale compared to when he'd bent. It was almost like a siren of danger rang into his ears, announcing that Levi had reached a final obstacle, and was coming too close to his dismay. Almost like a realization hit him, that this grew out of his control—and as much as he was a man who loved gambles, Erwin never was the one to gamble away with Levi.

Chapter Text

Hange ran at full speed. Just like she did on drills, or when she ran back to her horse after slicing a titan on an expedition. She ran at full speed enough for the breath in her lungs to burn.

Her shoulder bumped into one soldier. She could've sworn she heard a thud of them falling to the floor behind her, but she didn't stop to check. She will apologize to them if she ever gets to know who it was in the future, right now, she had more important matters.

Her heart beat loudly, but she knew that physical strain was far from being the only reason. Hange's eyes fell on Erwin's office with the right turn she took, then she slowed down her speed not to bump against it. Her hands grabbed onto each handle of the double door, pulling it open to expose the spacious space inside.

As expected, Erwin was sitting behind his desk. His head lifted immediately to look her way with the sound. What she did not expect, however, was the three other officers from the Military police who sat across from him, looking at her with a blend of shock and reproach.

"Something wrong, Hange?" Erwin asked, his eyes wary.

"Ah, n-no. I'm sorry, please continue your meeting." She stuttered, closing the door. Well, it was on her for bulging in without a warning.

Hange continued her run in the offices' corridor, aiming for Mike's office next, hoping to find him there.

"Hey Hanj!" She heard his voice from behind her, and it took her a few extra steps to break into a stop and turn to face him. "Heard you're making a fuss in the corridors. Lina has an injured hip because of you."

"Mike." Hange rushed towards him without a stop. Her breath came out in pants, brown eyes wide with an emotion Mike couldn't quite decipher. "Levi fell asleep!" Her lips lifted slightly at the sides, and Mike knew it was something close to happiness. He had almost forgotten what that looked like on her.

"Asleep?"

"Yes—Yes! It's been twenty-three days and he hasn't been able to fall asleep at all!"

Without saying a word, Mike swirled around to get to Levi's room. Hange followed near him, almost running to catch up with his long legs.

"How do you know it's not unconsciousness like the other times?"

"Because he simply fell asleep; no simultaneous spasms, no seizure. His waves has gotten less intense, and he was starved for sleep, so it overcame the pain that remained and won over." She blabbered happily.

Mike looked at her from the corner of his eye, a small smile twisting his lips at her excitement. God, how he missed Hange in her raw form. She fucking scared him when she was lifeless and melancholy.

Mike couldn't help but extend an arm, pulling her into a side hug as they hurried forward together. Hange closed her eyes and let her lips fully twist into a smile, burying her face into her friend's shirt before they broke off.

Reaching in, Mike found Levi laying on his bed, mouth open to accommodate even breaths, dark lashes contrasting his pale complexion.

During the past few days, he had grown too exhausted to say a word, too weak to move. The only thing that proved his consciousness was to stare. Eventually, Erwin went on with his plan.

Mike remembered how he had forced his head forward, how he pried his mouth open, how spent Levi had been to even be able to close his mouth. 

How Erwin poured the juice into him. How he coughed against the stream, each reflex twisting his thin eyebrows with pain.

But his throat bobbed to accommodate it against his will, as Erwin forced his jaw shut.

He remembered how hell it had been for Levi to digest later. How heartbreaking his groans had been as his stomach twisted. How his diaphragm contracted into a knot in resistance to everything poured, willing to kick it out of his system. How he scraped his weak head against the pillow, burying his sweaty face in. How he dry heaved over and over, his entire body contracting like ripples from his abdomen up to his mouth. How his right hand grabbed at the bed sheet, shaky and weak, but it was all he got. How when he turned to the side for some air, his eyes were red and his lashes were wet.

Mike felt his heart hurt him back then, for what they did to him. He wondered if Levi would ever forgive him for aiding in this. If he'll ever forgive Erwin, or Hange. It frightened him that he would not, then again, Mike completely understood if he decided not to.

And now here he was, peacefully sleeping. Their plan, all that pain, all that they extended—it was worth it! He was improving! God, Mike wished he was improving and not slipping away. He needed to trust Hange to be right when she looked this delighted.

The first thing that returned to Levi was a vague awareness. The second, a throbbing sensation pulsating around his body. It felt dull at first, unrecognisable. Only after a moment had passed did it shape into pain.

He let out a groan, his thin eyebrows twisting at the realization. Fuck, he had had enough of this; he was fucking done. A headache was shaping behind his eyes, an ache was sharpening on each articulation—

Two warm weights suddenly fell on his arm, one below his elbow and the other above his wrist. They clutched to him, almost too tight they hurt. Levi's eyebrows twisted a little more, grey eyes cracking open. 

He found the familiar ceiling of his room ahead, the air before him tinted with a tinge of chestnut, testament to an afternoon sun.

To his left was Hange, her eyes wide and undeviating as they stared at him, just like she would usually look at Titans.

"You're awake." She said, stare growing more intense.

Levi exhaled a breath upon realizing it was only her hands that were holding him. He looked back ahead and let his lids fall.

"No no no! Don't go back to sleep! Please, open your eyes and stay with me for a moment." Hange rushed, her hands clenching him even tighter.

Levi let out a thoughtless groan, jimmying that one arm a little. Immediately, Hange loosened her grip around him, though he still felt the warmth of her palms engulfing his skin. Levi opened his eyes again, looking at her through half-lids.

She was still staring at him intently. Levi could've sworn the corners of her lips had twitched slightly when he responded to her request. Nevertheless, something was different about the way she looked at him, and it wasn't only the carved tiredness in the form of dark circles that shadowed her eyes.

"Congrats, Levi." A deep voice echoed from the foot of the bed. It startled the raven till he noticed Mike's tall frame there. He was crossing his way to come stand beside Hange. How come he'd missed his presence? 

Mike's lips were slightly lifted at the corners, blue eyes fixated on greys with a gentle stare. "I think this is the longest you've ever slept in your life." He added. 

Hange glanced at the clock on the commode, then looked back. "Eighteen hours. You've been asleep for eighteen hours."

Eighteen hours? Levi tried to process the information, but he felt the headache ignite behind his eyes, like someone had thrown fresh coal within to feed the fire. He closed his eyes again, letting out a heavy breath.

"How are you feeling?" With a look as tender as one could get, Hange asked, her eyebrows lifting slightly in the middle.

Levi didn't shift. The headache gnawed at him, his articulations throbbed, and he did not even want to test moving his muscles. He remained quiet, long enough that Hange lost hope of him answering. 

Hange glanced over at Mike. Her heart was beating a bit too fast, her breath held. Then she inhaled again and retried.

"Levi." She called, warm thumbs brushing his skin. "Are you feeling any better?"

Again, he was quiet. He felt like shit—fucking in pain. But...it was different from usual. Levi focused on his internal sensations. It wasn't something that he could not bear. It wasn't shredding him, or testing his sanity.

"Y-eah." His voice rasped, half of it a whisper for having not spoken too long.

Immediately, Levi felt the grips on his arm twist tighter, and before he could complain about the soreness that caused him, an even heavier weight came between them.

With hardship, he opened his eyes and looked to the side. He found Hange there, her back bent from her seat, her head falling to rest on his forearm as her hands clutched him tight. He didn't have enough brains to process his surroundings well, but he knew from her next breath that she was silently crying. 

Hange shuddered against his arm, her body spasming to suppress an uncontrollable burst of tears. She was scared, all this time, that he wouldn't wake up. Or that he would wake up sick again. And yet, she took all of the responsibility upon her shoulders to ensure this continues. She risked his life, and everything that came with it. Even as he woke, she feared he would still feel like usual and she would have to throw everything away for him to restart a dependent life. But he was better! He was better and with these words, more tears escaped her, too abundant they reached his skin.

"I'm so sorry." Hange strained, all the guilt and uncertainty coming back to her at once. Even if he was now fine, that didn't take away her previous selfishness to continue, or the risk she put him into, or the evilness of forcing it upon him against his will. It didn't take away that time she failed to protect him and had him taken away by Erdmann to torture, even if she was drugged. She felt deep, settled lumps lodged in her insides, jailed between her ribcage to torment. Ones that sorries could not easily erase.

Levi rotated his arm, his strength failing him. He felt Hange's fingers loosen around it, getting his message. Yet, her head remained there, heavy against the mattress instead, tears falling from it still, given away only from the suppressed wetness of her nose. Levi could've sworn her muffled cries had intensified with the pull of his arm. 

Hange wanted to stop but could not. Levi had pulled away—of course he would be mad. It killed her that they wouldn't be friends anymore. Her sobs intensified with the confirmation, bitter and burning.

She felt something slide into her hair, fingers, brushing her scalp gently. If it weren't for the slight shake, she would've thought it was Mike. Hange lifted her head up to investigate, brown eyes startled. Her lashes were full of tears, nose shiny with mucous. Levi was laying right near her, his eyes sending her a soft look, his hand—connected to her hair.

Hange's parted lips met slowly, quivering to the look of him. How come he was looking at her this way? With such...gentleness. She did not deserve this look, he should hate her for what she made him feel. Thoughtlessly, her head inclined towards his hand.

"I'm so sorry." She said, two more tears falling down her cheeks again.

In all the years of knowing Hange, Mike can never remember her losing herself to tears like this. He didn't even know she was capable of it. Seeing Levi's hand blended with her strands made him feel like a mountain was lifted off his shoulder. He, too, feared losing his friend. But now, he had more hope that he would forgive him.

"I'm sorry too." Mike said with a deep voice, head bowed, expression earnest. He watched as tired greys turned to look at him. Levi's face was void of any sourness. He stared at his friend, his hand withdrawing from Hange's strands to fall on the bed exhausted.

Levi closed his eyes, inhaling in a heavy breath. And as much as Mike was worried he wouldn't forgive them, he feared him slipping away again much more. He stepped forward nervously, until he saw the greys crack open again.

"Levi, if you can speak, now would be a really good time." He said.

Levi stared at him silent. His lips were twisted slightly, like something was on his mind but he didn't voice it. They parted, and it had both veterans staring intently in wait.

"I..." A sole breath. "...Bathroom." Another soundless whisper.

"Oh. I—Sure." Hange sniffed, glancing at Mike who stepped closer. Of course, he'd need that after eighteen hours, although his visits there were quite rare since he stopped eating and barely drank.

She stood up from her seat, placing a hand on the crown of his head. It wasn't necessary, but she couldn't help but intertwine her fingers with his strands the same way he did with hers. Hange smiled softly when he looked at her, her eyes contradicting her happy lips with a sad hint.

Mike was careful as he tucked both of his big hands behind Levi's shoulders.

"I'm telling Erwin bathroom was your first word after waking." He teased, beginning to pull his friend up as Hange helped balance his head.

Lifted to a sitting position, Levi didn't make a sound. His face, however, had twisted, lips curving downwards as his eyebrows arched like he was in agony. His eyes closed tight, never opening again.

Mike's eyes widened at his sight, realizing that this wasn't yet over. He pulled his arms back and watched Levi follow course, leaning only on his strength to keep him seated. Mike pushed his arms back, providing him the support he needed. Fuck this. What was he thinking expecting it all to be done just after a short sleep? Mike looked aside towards the door, biting his lip before he looked back at his friend. 

"I'm gonna carry you to the bathroom, alright?"

Levi's eyes remained shut, face still twisted it tugged at both of his friends' hearts.

"Levi." Hange called, fearing him fainting again. It was still her responsibility as long as he was in this vulnerable state.

"...'Kay." He breathed after a moment. It ached Mike's heart how compliant he was. This was the first time he ever willingly accepts to be carried, while having a grain of awareness. What must he be feeling...

"Can't you just wait outside?" Mike asked, staring at Hange's reflection in the bathroom mirror.

"Nope." She stared back.

"I'm here if he needs anything, and this is the men's restroom."

"I said no." She repeated, watching an eye roll reflect back to her.

Both squad leaders kept bickering, waiting for a knock on the stall door to signal Levi was finished. They definitely did not expect the door to shake, then it to open with their friend standing there on his own. 

Levi's hand was shaking against the handle, his knees, wobbling like he carried the weight of a horse above his shoulders. Hange and Mike jumped his way at once, grabbing his elbow to prevent him from meeting the floor.

"What are you doing? It's not yet the time for you to be moving alone." Hange said.

Levi didn't speak. He hadn't been speaking much since his wake and she didn't like it. His eyes fixated on the sink and he shuffled a tiny step there. Mike snaked an arm behind his back, pushing him towards it.

Levi stared at the faucet. Two meters away. One step, two-

"Nghhh-" He suddenly stopped, right arm clutching his abdomen, back bending forward. Fuck.

"Are you okay?" Hange asked him. Again, she got no answer. And maybe it wasn't that Levi was ignoring her, maybe he genuinely was too focused on his internal sensations that he couldn't even hear or process what was said around him.

For the third step, Mike had lifted him up his feet almost dissociated from the ground. Then he was standing near the sink. Levi's legs wobbled, too weak they would've definitly failed had Mike not been there. It propagated to his groin, aching him intensly the higher it went. His hands grabbed the sink edge, shaky and white knuckled.

Hange opened the faucet. Water ran abundently. "Let me help y-"

"No." He dismissed, this time his voice coming out clear.

Glancing up at the mirror, Levi's slightly pained expression loosened. His mouth gaped, accomodating laboured breaths as he watched his reflection. 

His hair was long, so fucking long it covered his ears. It didn't help that it was tangled from prolonged sleep, each strand going in its own stray direction. His undercut was of history. His lips were too pale it looked distracting, like he was closing to death. He could even pass for a corpse for how chopped and light it was. And he had lost so much weight. His jaw was full of thin, dark distortions—stubble—he had never seen these things grow on him this much before. Fucking disgusting.

Mike had to snake his other arm in front of Levi to prevent him falling as he sluggishly worked to wash his hands. Never did he one day expect to see his friend, as strong as he was, struggle this much with a simple act of washing hands. This was the only man within the walls capable of winning him in an arm wrestle, humilatingly so.

Mike resisted the urge to just ask Hange to take over from him or help him himself; he would not risk this now that Levi has barely voiced his forgivness.

By the time he was done, his hands were shaking widly, his body trembling so much to disturb Mike's core. Unexpectantly, Levi leaned against him, his hands grabbing again to the sink's edge but barely.

"I think..." He whispered, eyes closing and posture sinking. " 'M gonna..." His tongue heavied as his body sagged slowly to the floor, Mike's arms preventing it. "...Fall...aslee—" Levi trailed off, his entire weight curling forward with loss of consciousness.

Mike gasped. He brought one arm down, carrying him to his chest, wary of how easy that now became.

Reaching into the room, he laid him on the bed with gentleness despite his panic. Mike looked behind him to seek Hange and was surprised to find she wasn't behind him. Looking back, he tried to get Levi to wake.

"Levi, Levi." He called, tapping his cheek. They again had grown clammy like all the time he was lacking the drug. 

The floor behind him banged and it was Hange again, running with something in her hand. She pressed Levi's cheeks, parting his lips and pouring some sugar into his mouth to melt.

"What are you doing?" Mike asked.

"He hasn't eaten so long and has strained himself. Must be hypoglycemic." Hange deducted. She encountered many people with the condition before, and she wouldn't mistake the way their energy gets slowly lost, exactly how Levi's had.

Regardless, she remained on edge fearing it was drug related. Even after all this time, she did not understand what that fucker Erdmann had created and put into her friend's system. Only when Levi's eyes twitched and he groaned to one of Mike's taps did she pull back with relief.

Only after Hange and Mike made sure Levi was okay, did telling Erwin occur to them. Mike left her with the raven, striding his path towards the commander's office with long steps. He didn't bother to knock when he was helping him all of these days and knew his exact schedule of when he'd be receiving visitors. 

As expected, he found him alone. Erwin lifted his head from the paper in his hand with a tired blink, too tired to even bother chastising the lack of warning.

"Erwin." Mike said as he closed the door, not to let anyone outside hear him. "He's awake."

Erwin's eyebrows rose slightly, any hint of sleepiness escaping his eyes. He rose to his feet at once, crossing the path to Mike.

"He is?"

"Yes." Mike affirmed, the blonde already reaching near him. He couldn't even get a chance to glance his expression when he strode out of the office impatiently. Mike quickly followed.

"How is he?"

"Actually...good."

Erwin couldn't help the smile that splat his lips, eyes wide and anticipating as his steps grew even faster.

The door banged in his hand as he barged it open. His eyes laid on Levi, then his steps carried him near the bed before he could even think.

Looking down at him, Erwin's lips joined, feeling slightly disappointed. What was he thinking expecting to find him sitting against the bedrest, with his grey eyes following him and his mouth asking 'what took you so long, blondie?'. Of course, he would still be laying, half awake.

"Levi." He called.

Grey eyes cracked open, meeting blues.

"Hey." Erwin squatted near him. "You got us so worried about you." Erwin's blue eyes alternated between his, like he hadn't met him all these past three weeks and was missing him, then only now he had him back to look. "It's too good to have you back."

Levi remained quiet. The expression on his face was, however, soft, eyes undeviating. It was a silent answer.

"How are you feeling now?" Erwin asked.

Levi filled in a hard breath, eyes closing. He felt his articulations throb on each connection of his body, his head aching, his muscles sore. He felt like total shit—but at least he wasn't spasming, nor actively getting ripped.

"Levi."

“He’s a bit better.” Hange said from her seat on the other side of the bed. “But he’s still experiencing soreness with movement, and active pain in his muscles and joints. It should improve with time.” She glanced back to Levi. “In fact, it’s for that reason that he should never do anything alone, unless we help, and no trips except for the bathroom—with help,” Hange stressed.

Levi had heard her say this seven times since their comeback, each time insisting that he wouldn't be allowed to even wash his own hands without help. Fuck, how insistent that four-eyed could get. He could just see her being up his ass for days to come. His eyes opened, staring at her but not voicing any of his thoughts out. She's damn lucky he's exhausted.

Erwin turned back to him. His hand laid on his friend's shoulder, careful not to press too tight or hurt him. "You scared us all so much. It's so good to see you awake again." 

At the back of his mind, he knew he owed his friend an apology. Erwin felt the weight of the past days hang in the air between them—how he had forced him to drink the juice against his will, and ignored his pleas, how he jailed him in a cell and watched him writhe and cry on the floor, how he denied him, over and over and over again, and risked his life. Yet, he spoke to him like a politician. Levi was definitely closer to him than that treatment suggested, but Erwin couldn’t help it. It was a private matter, and he couldn’t wait for a moment alone with him; that’s when he would admit his faults and hope to be forgiven. For now, that soft—though tired—look he was receiving sent him enough reassurance.