Archive of Our Own

Calvin McMurray’s Journal

Please return to the owner.

I was given a suggestion from my mother that a journal is a good way to keep track of sins, and after the events of today, I think I need something like that. If you are reading this, please stop. I really don’t need anyone else to see this. 

May 27th, 1927

11:18 AM - I’ve just bought this notebook as of ten minutes ago, on the way home from the police academy, presumably for the last time. I had been getting much praise from the officers and other trainees, despite my rather timid nature. Though of course, what I dreaded did eventually come. We’d gotten to the shooting range to start practicing firearms, but as soon as I had my paws on one… I’d lost it. My mind was filled with what I can only assume to be unbridled rage. It felt like I wasn’t in control anymore, and all the problems I’d had with other people, whether it be bullies from when I grew up, or even minor inconveniences… It felt like I finally had a chance- or a way to fight back. Like I was more than just some jerk's way of venting out their own problems. The scariest part is when I have that feeling… I don’t want it to end.

I’m already regretting writing this down, as well as using a pen. I’m going to go mow the lawn. It seems like it needs to be cut.

1:09 PM - Why? Why did I do that? Why didn’t I fight back against Rocky trying to rope me into his problems? Did he manipulate me again? Am I that easy to manipulate? Or is it my fault for going along with it willingly? I mean, when he said what he did, he made it sound good-willed and the right thing to do, in a vigilante sense, but all we did was burn down some farmer’s farm, car, and some other building. 

Though according to him, I’m a hero and deserve a sandwich, which I’m not going to decline. But why? Why am I not declining a reward for being an arsonist? For all I know those farmers could just be wage-to-wage hard workers, just barely scraping by, not doing any wrong to anybody.

I’m a criminal.

2:23 PM - The place Rocky took me is called the “Little Daisy Cafe.” Apparently his band plays there in the basement for better acoustics. There was a wonderful young lady who worked at the diner, Miss Pepper, and she was very nice. She called me cute, which for whatever reason intimidated me. Just thinking about her makes me… happy. Is this friendship? Perhaps love? I don’t know what this feeling is, but I like it. She also gave me a pin of the clubs symbol, and directed me to come later tonight, and to not tell anyone. I’m not sure how to feel about this, as I have no idea what to expect. Though if tonight is anything like I expect it to be, I might consider going. Plus, I wouldn’t want to let her down.

11:55 PM - I’m going to hell. I’m a monster. I belong in hell. I killed 3 people. Why did I go? Why? I couldn’t sleep after my heinous actions earlier today, so I went back to the Cafe, like Ivy told me. I assumed Rocky would be there playing violin or something. She was waiting out front in a beautiful yellow dress, with something that looked like a tiara on her head. She led me downstairs where there was another person named Horatio, who let us in. When we first walked in, she was already talking about trying to get me to dance. There was a bar down there. And a crowd of people running, Rocky amongst them. He dragged Miss Pepper and I to the exit, where she was shoved out, and I was kept in. The rest of the night was a blur. I remember three of the angry farmers chasing Rocky, his bandmate, a lady I learned to be Miss May, and I around a large network of tunnels. We got cornered, and all three of them were fiddling with a tiny gun, and I snapped. I remember chasing, a lot of shooting, and killing 3 of the farmers. 

After all that, there were no looks of terror or disgust with me. The faces of all of them was just… filled with surprise. Somehow, someway, that got me a job. In the mob. With my cousin. 

I really am going to hell.

May 28th, 1927

9:38 AM - I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. I am in the car as of right now, since Rocky came by and picked me up half an hour ago. He says Miss M. has a job for Rocky and I, and it’s the “Ears closed, eyes open” type. Also, apparently 3 is my lucky number.

1:11 PM - The meeting was quick, though the drive in total took an hour and a half. I can only assume that Miss M. was meeting with another member of the mob, as well as a very… intimidating black and white fellow, whom I didn’t catch the name of. 

I don’t want to get into this world of crime, but I don’t want to leave Rocky alone in it. I’m not leaving him alone ever, ever again.

1:32 PM - Rocky dropped off Miss M. at Sedgewick Sable’s house, and after seeing him again, I recognized him as being one of the gentlemen at the speakeasy last night. This really signals me as to what I’m getting into. How deep does it go? If one of the richest - if not the richest - men in all of St. Louis is involved with the mob… I’m in way over my head, and if anything I’ve heard is true, it’s too late to back out. 

3:50 PM - We’ve picked up Miss Pepper, who I’ve learned is named Ivy, from college, after she attacked Rocky, blaming him for the attack last night. She mentioned a man named Viktor, that of whom we are driving to right now. I would write more, but Miss Pepper is currently peering over my shoulder.Yes, I see you, silly.

4:19 PM - She kissed me? I’m not quite sure why, but she grumpily walked out of the apartment, walked up to the car, and kissed me. I did not object, nor do I wish I did, looking back. Maybe I should start from the beginning. 

We went to Viktor’s apartment, where he was in a less-than-ideal state. Apparently he was the one who killed the 4th pig farmer, and got a “lungful of buckshot.” This Viktor fellow… is rather terrifying. As soon as Ivy said she decided I was her boyfriend, he shot me a soul-piercing gaze with his one eye. Thankfully, his neighbor, a nice old lady that I didn’t catch the name of, had a problem with her sink that I decided to fix, considering the intended mechanic was indisposed. Miss Pepper came up with me, and asked me plenty of questions whilst I was fixing the sink. The said sink turned out to be clogged with uncut sardines… I hope I’m not like that if I make it to that age. The last question Miss Pepper asked me was if I was the one who killed the 3 farmers from last night. 

That question… it gave me a scare. The thoughts that flooded back in my mind made it feel like I was there again. The cold metal and leather of a gun in my hands, the lifeless bodies at my feet, and the dreadful, awful quiet. 

4:30 PM - After that, she asked me what exactly I was doing working for the mob all of the sudden, of which I didn’t exactly have an answer to. At least one that I don’t want to keep to myself, for now at least. Though she doesn’t seem to mind, and that I appreciate. 

I went back down to the car with Rocky, while she presumably stayed to talk with Viktor a little longer. Their talk didn’t go well. I heard Ivy yelling at him from outside, as well as a window slam. When Miss Pepper came to the car, she opened the door to the passenger seat where I sat, and she pulled me in and gave me a kiss. It caught me off guard, but it was… wonderful. I think I’m satisfied with her proclaiming me as her boyfriend. 

We have much to learn about eachother, but I hope that won’t last long. Especially with the date I apparently owe her.

May 29th, 1927

10:44 AM - I managed to get a healthy amount of sleep last night, and I am very grateful for that. I even had a wonderful dream in which Miss Pepper and I had a walk in the little forest just north of home. It was a simple dream, but I enjoyed it. Miss M. has an assignment for Rocky and I late tonight, so I will try to make myself useful in the time being. However right now, I am going to drive my mother and I to church. I need to repent for my sins, and pray God will forgive Rocky, Miss Pepper, and I.

6:49 PM - Church this morning was successful, I really feel I needed more time to spend with the Lord as of recently, and my consciousness is cleaner. Though with whatever job I have tonight, we will see how long that lasts… 

I’ve mowed the lawn in the backyard and pulled some weeds, in spite of the rain. Though the rain did feel cleansing. Now that I have a job, if you can call it that, my mother decided that the piano lessons she’d been giving me are put on hold indefinitely, unless I ask for them, of course. That isn’t likely.

11:34 PM - Ivy and I shared a nice moment in one of the trucks after loading the “Coffin Varnish” in the back. I know I probably have a stupid smile plastered on my face just thinking about it, while I write this entry in the truck that Rocky is driving, but I don’t care. 

She beckoned me in the truck, where she slid up to me and complimented me, before saying how she should leave me with a kiss for good luck. This kiss… felt special. It felt different, and not just because last time all I tasted was sardines and stale bread. It was if we were in our own little bubble, where nothing else mattered. A full embrace, at the touch of lips.

After that short but sweet trade, I noticed she was shivering. She said that she’d never really done field work like this before, which confuses me. After a brief exchange, I concluded that she doesn’t really have a great reason for being part of the gang. Well, that makes two of us. Ivy also mentioned that Rocky had been rambling about the past to her, and that… that I need to talk to him about.

11:40 PM - I believe I know why he doesn’t remember. That being there is a massive gash on his forehead that is STILL OPEN. He’s refusing to talk more, which concerns me, but we’re being tailed right now, and of course it’s my job to lose them.

May 30th, 1927

2(?) AM - Rocky just dropped me off at home. The truck crashed while I was on top of it, crushing my pocket watch, and it’s too dark to read my clock. Not like I’m trying to. The job was bigger than I thought. I lost control. I killed another two people. At least I think I did. This time they were Marigolds, which I’ve learned is the rival gang. That makes it better, right? I mean, they’re criminals too. Murderers. Probably worse than me.

Right?

I’m just glad I have the rest of the day off. 

10:10 AM - I got no sleep last night. After what happened, I don’t think I deserve it. 

Due to the roughly 8 hours I spent staring at either the ceiling or my eyelids, It gave me a lot of time to think. That of which I didn’t use. I’m going to try to keep myself calm and spend the day with Miss Pepper. I need something nice to take my mind off of… all this. 

11:18 AM - I met Ivy at the Little Daisy where she made me a sandwich, which was very nice in thought, but she apparently tried to “spicen me up” and that didn’t end very well. I think I might be allergic to horseradish. Though she definitely made it up to me.

3(?) PM - Ivy and I relaxed at the park for a little while, which was quite enjoyable. As cliche as it is, we were laying on a hill and pointing at the clouds, trying to make out what they look like, though it appears she’s fallen asleep on my shoulder… Nevermind, it seems she’s stirring out of her trance, and asking quest–                                                                 Ivy was here! >:3

4:59 PM - She snagged the journal out of my paws and asked me some questions to gain my full attention, but not after quickly scribbling something down somewhere that I can’t be bothered to find. 

Ivy asked me why I really joined Lackadaisy, and as I feel more comfortable with her, I felt I could finally explain without too much pushback, but she took it really well. I told her that I don’t want to be in a gang, or anything illegal for that matter, but I stay because I don’t want to leave Rocky alone. I briefly mentioned that it had something to do with why he got kicked out from the house a few years back, but didn’t delve into it, and thankfully she didn’t pry. 

What surprised me is that she explained why she’s part of the gang, and in all honesty, I didn’t quite understand. What I perceived is that she doesn’t really understand the gravity of the situation, and how easily her or her friends’ lives can be ruined in this line of work, but she just sees it as adventure and excitement… That makes me scared for her. Especially if Viktor got shot right in front of her, and she still feels this way. The only thing that could possibly change her mind is something very drastic, and that I really don’t want to happen to her. 

I see that this makes it appear as if I’m describing her as stupid, which she certainly is not. Ivy just… I don’t know. I don’t know why she’s still here, and that worries me. I’ll just need a little bit of time to think. 

Oh, also Ivy took me shopping with her, where she bought me a nice bronze pocket watch to replace my old busted one. I offered to pay, but she is very persistent.

9:03 PM - When we got back to the speakeasy, Ivy and I had a short dance, if you can call it that. It was more her dancing and me trying, but ending up kicking her on accident, and apologizing, before the process repeated itself. The entire time Viktor was in the corner, staring at me with his one eye. I don’t remember him blinking even once… 

May 31st, 1927

8:38 AM - I got home around 10 PM, but was too tired to write a quick entry, and it was pretty much the same as the former. Thankfully I got a full night’s sleep.

My mother called me down to tell me she’s going away for a little over a week  to help my great aunt Matilda, whom I’ve never even heard of, move residence. I am to stay here. I suppose there are a few perks to being employed with a poor schedule. 

I just finished breakfast, and now I see Rocky’s car outside… looks like tonight’s going to be rough.

11:37 PM - It was supposed to be a simple booze pickup, but of course something had to happen. Rocky, Ivy, and I were ambushed by another group of 3. A large, white cat and a smaller white lady with a machine gun, both of whom I’d never seen before, but there also was that same black and white cat from the meeting a few days ago. I lost control again when Rocky gave me a tommygun, but I thankfully don’t think I killed anyone… at least I hope not. 

The worst part was that after we crashed into some quarry, Ivy saw part of the rage I flew into. She looked terrified of me. Now she knows what kind of monster I am. I don’t deserve her. It’s just going to end up with me hurting her in one way or another. Maybe Viktor was right…

11:43 PM - To continue, Rocky found dynamite, and in some crazy way, it actually helped us. I got into a shootout with the black and white cat. I had him in my sights, but didn’t take the shot. Am I learning how to control myself? Well, that’s what I thought, before I heard Ivy scream in the shed, where she was fixing the car. I ran over expecting the worst, and getting a bullet grazed across my forehead, but thankfully she was alright. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost her…

The brief moment of respite was cut short when we were caught at the wrong end of a machine gun, and a pistol. The machine gun, from the white lady with black hair, was aimed at the both of us, but the pistol from the familiar black and white cat, was only aimed at me.

I would gladly die for Ivy, Rocky, or really anyone, and I appreciate that he seemed to leave her out of it, but I can’t help but wonder as to why. There’s more beneath the surface.

Rocky, who somehow got a construction vehicle active, was on top, reciting poetry, and flinging dynamite. I still don’t believe it as I write this from the speakeasy. He managed to buy Ivy and I enough time for her to sneak away and start the car, and for me to fling some mud in the eyes of the lady, and push the man’s gun away to the side. He fired, which singed my paw a little, but I was able to escape thanks to Ivy’s quick thinking.

After we got back and ruined the carpet, Ivy and I recuperated, and she took me for a dance. I think I’m getting better at it. Viktor’s glares don’t even bother me as much.

As I briefly walked from Ivy’s dorm’s doors and back, dropping her off with a light kiss, I can’t help but feel like I’m being followed. I think I’ll take Rocky’s advice, and have a gun in the car.

June 1st, 1927 

9:00 AM - Writing this right after my alarm clock went off. Slept well. Need to talk to Ivy about rage. She has college. I sleep in.

11:01 AM - So it seems I forgot that Ivy got out of school last week. I accidentally left her waiting an hour at the Little Daisy on one of her days off, so that’s wonderful. Just jotting this down right before we talk in the safety of the cafe. 

11:53 AM - I love this woman. She was the most understanding I’d ever seen someone be, and she even said that we’d get through it together. She made me feel like I wasn’t truly alone with my problems, and that’s something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. If you’re reading this for whatever reason, Ivy, you are the nicest person I’ve met.           You’re pretty great too, Calvin! -Ivy

It wasn’t all mushy though, as I said how she was scared when she saw me like that, and she was about to deny it, but didn’t. I just hope I will be able to control it eventually. 

2:30 PM - Ivy and I went on another walk in the park, which was lovely, but I still can’t help but feel as if we’re being followed. I’m probably just paranoid, but I’m still going to keep an eye out.

I learned that Ivy’s birthday was May 20th, meaning I met her a week after she turned 18. Even if it’s late, I still want to give her a gift. I plan to prepare a picnic to have with her sometime soon, as well as ask Miss M. for information on Ivy’s dress size and whatever else I may need to get her one. Either that or some nice shoes. I’ve saved up a little bit of money the past few years, and along with this new “job”, I’m willing to sacrifice some. The hard part will be getting to Miss M. without Ivy noticing… 

7:20 PM - I managed to sneak away from Ivy after our dance and talk to Miss M., and I’ve gotten the information I need. Although she also says that Rocky, Viktor, and I need to do a sudden quick booze run to pick up from a new client, and we don’t want to lose this client, etc.

I gave Ivy a kiss goodbye as well as the keys to my car before she went to pester Zib for some music. That’s the first time I was the one to kiss her, and I think I liked it. 

Rocky is the one driving us, and it’s slightly hard to write over the bumpy gravel and dirt roads, as well as with Viktor’s eye on me. Forget anything I said about getting used to it. Rocky said that he’s here so he can get used to field work yet again, so I’m assuming that means I’ll be seeing more and more of him, which I’m frankly not excited for. Hopefully despite all that, we can make amends, and perhaps even work as meager acquaintances. That’s probably wishful thinking. 

9:57 PM - I killed two more Marigolds. It doesn’t feel as big of a weight as previously, and I’m not sure if I should feel relieved of that, or scared. What I am scared of though, is that as a group of them noticed me, one of them yelled out “The orange one!” which means that they at least know of me… that’s terrifying. Another thing that is not good, albeit not as bad, is that Viktor saw me briefly lose control.  

How long until I’m like one of those Marigolds? Lifeless, with my family never knowing the truth. No closure. No nothing.

10:48 PM - When we got back, Ivy was waiting for me. It may not seem like much, but it means a lot that she did that. She looked me up and down to make sure I was alright, before jumping on me and giving me a big hug. It seems that she assumed the worst for whatever reason, and thankfully that didn’t end up happening. 

June 2nd, 1927 

3:03 AM - Ivy here. Let me explain why. This was important to write down sooner rather than later, and if Calvin wrote it, he wouldn’t give himself enough credit, though I apologize for the less than ideal writing. I’m not as skilled in the art of the pen as he is. Also don’t worry, I haven’t read anything.

Around 11:30 PM last night, Calvin and I were walking back to his car after he gave me a bracelet with a yellow gem in the center. I love it. Anyways, we passed by a beggar, who Calvin opened his wallet to give him something, but he took that time to spring up and grab me around the neck, with a claw to my throat. He demanded everything Calvin had in exchange for my life. I tried to fight back, but he stomped on my foot and broke my shoe, subduing me for the time being. It obviously hurt a LOT, so I squealed. I squealed with the utmost real terror. That seemed to trigger something in Cal, who stopped fumbling with his money and panicking. His eyes turned to slits, and he threw his coin pouch at the mugger’s face. It made him backpedal, which is when Calvin lunged at him, pinned him down, and threw a volley of punches at his face. 

I was very discombobulated, but when I came to some 30-odd seconds later, Calvin was on top of him, holding him by the worn collar of his shirt, and slamming fists in his face. It took a lot of yelling, as I have to admit, I was getting scared of this new Calvin, but eventually he seemed to snap back to his normal self. He double-takes his clenched fist, me, and the beggar, who now had at least a broken nose, before emitting almost a screech. He got up, took his pouch back, left a few coins, and dragged me and himself back to the car.

A few moments had passed of me wiping the tears from my face and trying to comfort him, along with him all but hyperventilating with a few “Sorry”’s and “Are you ok?”s mixed in. Thankfully a kiss managed to shut him up enough for me to explain. He was trying to be generous. He saved my life. 

I didn’t really feel safe going back to the dorm, and didn’t want to deal with the gossip, so Calvin sheepishly brought up how his mother was away, leaving his house empty. It’s not how I expected my first time visiting his house to go, but I felt a lot safer being with him, rather than some chaperones half a block away, that are only helpful for the paycheck. 

He set me up in his bed, and was about to go downstairs to sleep on the couch, but I managed to convince him to stay up here with me. Right now, he’s lightly snoring, half-covered in a blanket, sitting on a carved chair on the opposite side of the room, whilst I’m sitting up in his bed. He is a very generous soul. 

Calvin, you saved my life. I love you, more than you could ever know.

I’m not sure if I’m going to get much sleep though.

9:02 AM - I awoke to my alarm going off from my slumber in my chair. All of the events of the previous night are coming back to me. I read Ivy’s notes on the situation, which I thank her for, but I still scared her. I lost control. That shouldn’t be so easily forgiven. I need to work on myself even more.

10:19 AM - I made Ivy and I some breakfast, but she didn’t eat much of it. It was probably my cooking no matter how much she denies it, but I think it’s also something more. She seemed… off. Shaken, or of the sort. That would make sense, considering the events of the previous night, but still. 

She says she wants to spend the day together, and that I will certainly not decline. That may help me figure out what’s wrong.

1:27 PM - So far, today has been wonderful, and it’s only half over. First, Ivy and I took a short walk to the bridge a little while away from my house, and we sat above the water. We talked about where we see our futures, as well as what we like to do in our freetime. 

I learned that Ivy hasn’t put much thought into her future, but she enjoys her current position at the Little Daisy, though that might just be because of what lies beneath it. She said that the constant new faces, as well as cooking. I think it might just be that she enjoys making people happy. At least she enjoys making me happy.

I suppose I’ll write what I said, just in case I read this to my possible future children at some point, or, as Ivy put it, this journal gets “discovered 100 years from now.” I’m also rather uncertain of my future, or as if I’ll even live that long, but I want to get out of this world of crime as soon as possible. Preferably alive, and with Ivy and Rocky. I want to be a carpenter, like my father before me, but I don’t know much about it. I like working with my hands, and if the job keeps me in a healthy shape, that’s a bonus. 

As for hobbies, other than dancing, Ivy is apparently the captain of the rifle team at her school. That really caught me off guard, but not in a bad way. I think it’s nice. Along with that, she also loves shopping (despite her father’s protests) and cooking. 

I don’t have many hobbies, but I do enjoy whittling, baseball, as well as collecting baseball cards.

3:48 PM - Ivy, using what we had at my house, made both of us sandwiches for lunch roughly 20 minutes after the previous entry. It was quite possibly the best lunch I’ve ever had, even if there wasn’t any chocolate milk to go along with it. I think for dinner, if she stays that long, I’ll make her my grandmother’s shepherd's pie recipe, if I can remember it, that is.

5:02 PM - Ivy and I rocked back and forth on the swinging bench in my mother’s garden out back. At first there wasn’t a whole lot of talking, more so just enjoying the lovely scents and my mother’s hard work. However, I did ask her as to why she was acting slightly unusual. After some denial and attempted excuses, she fessed that it was last night. She first claimed it was solely due to the attack, but soon enough, Ivy said what made me wish I didn’t even ask: I scared her. 

Before I knew it, I pretty much went over my life story in an attempt to explain. From my father’s occasional bouts of rage from alcohol, Rocky being the closest thing to a friend I had for most of my life, all of the bullying, and everything in between…including the parts I’d rather not write down.

Ivy, throughout the whole thing was silent and understanding. It made the process a lot easier than it could’ve been, and I can not be more thankful for that. Once I was finally done, which turned out to be roughly 30 minutes later, she gave me a hug. A few tears were shed, though even now I’m unsure if they were shared or only my own. 

I brought up dinner, which she gleefully accepted, and it is currently in the oven. As for Ivy, she noticed my mother’s gramophone and is looking through the small collection of records we have. I don’t think that I’ll be able to come up with an excuse not to dance in time.

6:59 PM - We had a short dance to “A Good Man’s Hard to Find,” which Ivy picked, along with a few others. It wasn’t anything crazy like the tango or flapper or whatever else Ivy loved to do at the speakeasy, but more soft and slow. It was nice, especially being able to focus on Ivy, rather than not accidentally kicking her in the shins or stepping on her feet. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the dinner, and I think Ivy shared my enthusiasm, complimenting my cooking at least a dozen times. Though my grandmother’s the one she should be thanking, or my mother for teaching me. I made two servings of it, though I think I might make some more later this week. 

She noticed the piano book next to the gramophone, and said that she would take care of our dishes so long as I played the piano for her. I tried to offer to do both, but it was futile. I now heard the sink stop, so I presume she’s on her way over now. I hope I don’t disappoint. 

June 3rd, 1927 

9:26 AM -  There isn’t a long list of people who I would even remotely consider myself to be close to, and I’ve only known Ivy for I believe a week now, but still. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so close to anyone as I do to Ivy. Now I just need to sneak out of bed to make some breakfast without waking her.

I just crept downstairs and wanted to jot down how cute and comfortable Ivy looked sleeping. 

9:51 AM - Breakfast was quiet, but not in a bad way… at least I think it wasn’t in a bad way. She gave me a few weird looks, but other than that, I think it went well. The entire time she had a smile on her face, and was thankful for the food, along with letting her stay the night again. 

Now that I think about it, it was only quiet when she was eating, which makes sense. I need to start writing this with a pencil, rather than in ink.

10:07 AM - Of course we could only have one day of respite. Roughly three minutes after the previous entry, Rocky knocked on the door and pressed his face up against the glass, which I only noticed after Ivy squealed in fear after noticing it out of the corner of her eye. So here I am, sitting in the back seat of Rocky’s car, whilst he constantly makes a mockery of Ivy and I. Only the Lord knows what he’s thinking happened, but I could really do without it. Now all I can do is pray that he doesn’t let the whole world know of Ivy staying the past two nights.

Rocky says that Miss M. has a job for him and I, and from what he’s implying, I might need to pray for forgiveness even more tonight. There’s a shipment that we’re supposed to intercept along the backroads a dozen miles east of the city. It’s not Marigold, but some moonshiners who are “encroaching on Miss M.’s territory.” or at least what remains of it. 

It’s not until late tonight, so hopefully that means I can spend a little more time with Ivy, or maybe I should stay out of strangling range when Viktor inevitably finds out what happened the other night with the beggar. He already hates me, no matter how much Ivy insists he doesn’t. 

1:18 PM - It went a lot smoother than I first expected, and I also just all in all felt more confident. Maybe it was the time with Ivy, maybe it was the time I’ve been part of the gang, maybe it was the response from Viktor, I’m not sure. I just feel like I finally have some kind of purpose… though I wish I knew what that purpose was.

It started with Ivy wanting to slow dance again, which I admit, I wasn’t enthusiastic about doing it in the open rather than my house, but I did enjoy it. Viktor, it seemed, didn’t. He approached us and told me off, and I was about to oblige before Ivy finally boiled over. She went on and on about him not trusting her to make her own decisions, as well as complimenting me, saying that I’m good, brave, nice, and caring - all of which I don’t exactly see myself as being worthy of such words - but she insisted. 

Near the end of the short rant, she asked him where he was when she was attacked, and how I was the one who saved her, leaving out how I lost control. That left a face on Viktor I don’t think I’ll ever see again. A horrid realization. It wasn’t terror, but disbelief. He didn’t stay around much longer after that, instead deciding to march away, but not before leaving me with another soul-piercing glare.

Miss M. overheard what happened, and thanked me for saving her. I admitted that I lost control in the incident, and how his nose was probably broken, and that I left him worse off than he was before, but she wasn’t having it. Neither was Ivy, as she threatened me with “shaving my face herself to see why Rocky calls me Freckle.” I think I need to sleep with an eye open. 

I don’t understand why they brush off my rages. As much as I hate to think about it, they could be the next victim of them! I can’t control myself in those situations. I need to fix it, but I don’t know how.

3:43 PM - Rocky filled me in on the plan, while Ivy went upstairs to make two sandwiches and pancakes. I still don’t know how Rocky constantly convinces her to make them. 

Anyways, the plan is for Rocky to make some kind of diversion - that of which he isn’t informing me - while I’m supposed to creep to the back of the truck and relieve them of their cargo. Well, the original plan was to eliminate the driver(s?) and then take the liquor, but thankfully I’ve managed to convince him to take the approach that doesn’t leave more blood on our paws. I can’t take another sleepless night.

June 4th, 1927

5:19 AM - Calvin got shot. Calvin and Rocky left at around 11PM, but he was being very nervous about this plan, which seemed to be the right thing to do, considering the outcome. Due to that, he left me his journal “just in case”. I may have read through it out of boredom, but that’s not important. 

Roughly a half hour past midnight Rocky came through the tunnels from the cellar entrance with blood on his coat. Zib, who was the only one that wasn’t half-awake, asked where his “partner-in-crime” was, which seemed to snap Rocky back to reality. He looked around confused, before retracing his steps, and coming back 5 minutes later, poked Miss M. on the shoulder, and told her to call Quackenbush. That’s just about when I panicked and ran to the car.

I found Calvin in the car, seemingly half-dead with blood all over his clothes and the back seat of the car. I screamed, which brought Viktor and Sy over, who helped carry Calvin out of the car and onto the floor. His groans of pain I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

After a lot of tears from me and towels for him, we were able to find that the blood was coming from the back of his armpit. Roughly 20 minutes later, Dr. Quackenbush arrived, whom I might’ve lost my temper on. I said that I would write the check from my father, which he didn’t exactly like, but after a bit of yelling and more crying than I’d like to admit, he finally began to work on Calvin. I couldn’t bare to watch, so I instead held him close with my eyes closed.

Once the longest hour of my life was over, Calvin was finally in a stable enough position. He had moderate blood loss, and the bullet landed just in between his artery and ribs in his left armpit. It was particularly difficult due to him instinctively crunching his arms together when he winced, but enough anesthetic was eventually administered.

Right now I’m curled up against Calvin on the couch downstairs, just waiting for him to wake up. That was a close one. 

1:27 PM - Calvin just woke up in a coughing fit mixed with a lot of groans, but I could not be happier. 

He read what I wrote and thanked me for it, even giving me a kiss! I gave his journal back to him and he tried to write in another entry, but was unable to, visible by the wonky entry time. I offered to write his thoughts for him, which after some polite objections, finally agreed to it. When I write in quotes, that is Calvin’s wording.

“All I feel on the left side of my body is pain. There is sharp pain when I take deep breaths, and I can’t move my arm without the feelings of… like, a dozen knives stabbing into my side. Can’t say I don’t deserve it, though.” As much as I wanted to edit him blaming himself out, I kept my word. Don’t make me regret it, Cal! Also, he’s lucky I use a pencil rather than pen, like him. His stammering was like never before. 

1:56 PM - Rocky came down a couple minutes ago saying that Calvin and he had a booze run to do. Completely forgetting that he’d gotten shot. He forgot that his cousin, one of his only friends, was shot right next to him. Less than 12 hours ago.

Instead of writing down my own thoughts in Calvin’s journal, I’m going to go make both of us sandwiches with a side of chocolate milk. Hopefully that will cheer him up, or at least take his mind off of trying to pay me back what I paid Quackenbush. 

5:30 PM - Lunch was nice, even if it was brief. It’s a good thing that it was his non-dominant arm. 

Calvin gave me express permission to write whatever I want in the journal, but that once he is able to write again without it being too much of a pain, he would like it back. I’m going to use that to the fullest extent.

It took a bit of convincing, as well as hiding from Viktor, but I persuaded Rocky to let me come along in Calvin’s stead, rather than Rocky by himself. It’s a simple mission this time, we’re doing a normal pickup as well as trying to get a new seller, similar to the Arbogasts. Hopefully this time won’t go as awry as last time. I don’t know if Rocky has enough luck to survive another incident with farming equipment.

After finding that out, Cal let me bring the journal for this, rather than it being unused next to him for the next however many hours . Speaking of Cal, I left him a bunch of magazines, the radio on, some baseball cards, and a kiss.

7:32 PM - We just talked to the seller, who was  VERY cautious. I understand this is a risky business, but his eyes were darting around constantly. He also seemed to almost recognize Rocky as well, almost as if he was expecting him - as in Rocky, not just a rumrunner. I mean there wasn’t even any illegalities happening, we were just discussing it with seemingly every other word being a codeword.  

In maybe 20 minutes we’re picking up a small load disguised as oil… I’m not even sure how that would work, but I suppose I’ll see. If it comes down to it, I do have my sport rifle under the seat, but the only pressure I’ve shot under is in practice and friendly competition. I can’t imagine taking a life with it.

9:40 PM - Other than Rocky tripping and face-planting in the mud, there was no conflict. I’m very thankful for that, as the last thought really stuck with me. Now he’s calling me over to help unload, which we agreed that HE would do, since I loaded the truck. I think I’ll stay here to teach him a lesson. Or even better, sneak around to the front and go down from there so I can see Calvin.

10:03 PM - Cal read over my notes and listened to me ramble. He’s not doing much better, no matter how much he says he is. I’m going to whip us up some soup and then snuggle that cutie for the rest of the night. 

 June 5th, 1927
8:57 AM - Other than me needing to apply some more disinfectant to his wound, as well as wrapping and unwrapping half of him in gauze, the night was peaceful. We’re going to go for a walk to the park after breakfast to get some fresh air instead of him being cooped up down here like yesterday. 

I’m going to make us some pancakes before Rocky gets here. Cal wants to help with the stirring, and as much as I’d love to accept the offer of help, especially with his muscled arms in comparison to mine, but I don’t want him to hurt himself. He’ll be the designated pancake-flipper.

2:01 PM -  The designated pancake-flipper and I had a nice breakfast followed by a nice walk. I managed to steal a few kisses for my collection, as well. I’ll give them back sometime.

Roughly 50 minutes ago we arrived back at the Little Daisy, where we got a subtle notion from Miss M. that a wounded kid isn’t great for business, and a less-than subtle grunt from Viktor telling him to leave - that I may or may not have holler back at - led us back into the car and now Calvin’s place. It took some convincing, but we’ve settled that I can stay here with him until his mother comes back in a few days. Right now I am about to quickly go to my dorm, inform the chaperones that I will be away for an amount of time, grab enough clothes, and come back. I know you’re reading this, Calvin, so let it be known that if I come back and you’ve hurt yourself trying to make lunch instead of letting me handle it, you’re going to have to explain to your mother why you’re bald.

June 6th, 1927

11:11 AM - I can finally write stably enough without the worry of either hurting myself or messing up, but I thank Ivy for taking over for the time. The rest of yesterday was sweet, but uneventful. We just enjoyed my mother’s garden as well as just being outside in general. Also, Ivy did not shave me. Thank the Lord for that.

11:49 AM - Ivy and I are going for a short walk in the rain to savor the day, since Miss M. will expect her back at the Little Daisy tomorrow. I didn’t know she used a couple of days off to stay with me. That means a lot. 

12:58 PM - The walk lasted a little longer than I expected, though I think that might be due to me letting it slip that I whittle, which led Ivy to grab a total of 7 small pieces of wood for me to use. 

However, despite all of these minor, yet good things, I still have the feeling that I’m being followed. I really hope that’s just part of the job and that it’s nothing to worry about, but it’s been persistent for a little while now.

3:32 PM - Ivy found an old picture of me and Rocky, and laughed at it for 3 minutes straight. She said it was because his big eyebrows haven’t changed at all, but I can’t help but feel as if it was directed at me, considering the reason why Rocky calls me “Babyface.”

All in all, that eventually lead to my mother’s scrapbook being found, and the rest is history. My high school graduation photo, my first Christmas, my mom and aunt Rickaby, along with a few others. In the mix I saw a picture of my dad with mom and I. I didn’t recognize him at first.

I couldn’t tell who my own father was. I’d be surprised if he could recognize me, too.

I miss you, dad.

7:05 PM - I forgot how it started, but Ivy talked about her family for a little under an hour, before realizing we skipped lunch, and starting an early dinner. 

I learned that Ivy’s family is in Kansas City, she is by far the oldest of three siblings - them being  a 4 year-old sister named Peggy, and a 5 month-old brother named Timothy whom she hasn’t met yet, in comparison to Ivy, who is 18 -, her father, Reuben, or as he prefers to be called, Ruby Pepper got the majority of his wealth from being the co-founder of the Lackadaisy, but left a little under a year ago due to the family with her mother, Madeline Pepper. I also learned that Kansas City is not in fact in Kansas, but Missouri. 

Nevermind, it’s in both apparently. 

June 7th, 1927 

7:06 AM - My wound still hurts, but it’s recovered to the point where I don’t need to write with the journal on a hard surface, but can reliably-enough use my knee or arm as a base. Though as I still don’t feel safe behind the wheel in this state, Ivy, who I might’ve just woken up right next to me with my writing, will be driving both of us there. I suppose I could keep her some company at work. 

9:11 AM - We made it to the Little Daisy right as it opened. I managed to snag a kiss before the first customer walked in, and made my way downstairs. Horatio greeted me, but also seemed to expect someone to come with me, which I found odd, until I made it into the speakeasy. It seems Rocky took the initiative and let it slip that Ivy had stayed the night with me. At my house. I got a pat on the back from Zib - I think his name was – along with some nods from the rest of the band. Now I’m just trying to find Rocky. 

I really hope the news hasn’t gotten to Miss M. since she’s her godmother. I can only imagine how she would react.

9:52 AM - I completely forgot about Viktor. I briefly spotted him out of the corner of my eye when going around the tunnel complex, and immediately turned back around. I can deal with Rocky later. I’m going upstairs.

11:23 AM - When I got upstairs Miss M. was already there. At the time there also weren’t any customers, so she pulled me aside before I could reach Ivy, and she questioned me. I answered to the best of my ability, even if it was rather embarrassing at times. Apparently she at first didn’t think Ivy and I would last, which I have to admit was a little disheartening, but she retracted her statement and went on a little bit of a short story on how she was young once. It was

2:49 PM - I was about to write that “It was like one of the lectures my mother would give.” which led to me remembering my mother's coming back today. I might’ve gone over the speed limit, but I got home before she did, grabbed Ivy’s stuff, and drove back. Just now that I’m sitting here in the cafe, I learned that rushing around like that isn’t a great idea when you have a wound on the side of your torso, and are covered in gauze. I’m sure I deserve it, though.

3:01 PM - I saw Rocky just as I finished writing the last entry, I managed to corner and confront him about it, where he all made it sound so innocent, and as if he did me a favor. I lost my calm and yelled at him.

I regret yelling at him, but I still think it was deserved. Thanks to him I now have to watch my back even more for Viktor so I don’t end up like “Chad” or whatever his name was, and even worse, I haven’t been able to find Ivy. She’s probably upset, understandably so. And that’s on top of everything else he’s done.

I don’t think I ask for much.

Damnit, now I’ve splotched ink.

6:14 PM - It seems Ivy had a talk with Viktor, as when I went downstairs to find her, Viktor saw me and glared, but nothing physical. He didn’t say a word, either. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. 

7:43 PM - Miss M. said Rocky, Viktor, and I have a job to do tomorrow night from a new partner since I’m pretty healed up, so I decided to head home early to get a good night’s sleep along with catching up with my mother. 

I can’t say I’m too excited for this run, especially with Viktor, but I guess it’s my job. Speaking of which, Miss M. said that wouldn’t dock my pay, considering this was my first injury on the job. As courteous as that sounds, I thought it was already guaranteed.

9:09 PM - I had a late dinner with mother. That was nice. She didn’t seem to have any clue about Ivy staying over, but she did notice me being in a little bit of pain. I’m not a good liar, I know that much, but I think I did a reasonably good job making up an excuse for why. 

Apparently my great-aunt Matilda said she misses me. I still don’t even recall a “great-aunt Matilda” existing. 

June 8th, 1927

1:19 PM - Morning was rather uneventful, along with just about all of today so far. About an hour ago I made it to the Little Daisy just to help Ivy out around the kitchen. Doing some kind of labor helps keep my mind off of things , and being in Ivy’s company is always a good thing. 

3:31 PM - We’ve gotten a steady flow of customers all day and have almost $20 in tips! No matter how much I tell her that I don’t need it, she’s very insistent on me sharing them with her. 

5:58 PM - Rocky came to pick up Viktor and I very early, considering the run is supposed to be 3 hours from now. He hasn’t told either of us why, but Viktor was surprisingly non-combative. I hope Mitzi made him promise not to hurt either of us. Even if we deserve it.

7:02 PM - We’ve gotten far out of the city, and now we’re in no-man’s land. I hear a lot of clinking around in the trunk of the car, which even further escalates my confusion. 

8:25 PM - They brought me to the middle of nowhere to shoot some bottles. I lost control multiple times. First time got the gun ripped from my hands. Second time got me a big punch in the gut. Third time got Viktor some singed fur and got me what I thought was a broken nose.

9:51 PM - Thankfully the pickup went without issue, and was rather quick. At least that seemed to lighten Viktor’s mood enough to not punch or attempt to strangle either of us on the way back. Though what did have an issue was Ivy and Miss M.. With us. 

The majority of it was directed at Viktor, with how he can’t always be there to protect Ivy, primarily when she doesn’t need protecting. To quote Miss M.; “Hurting the best gunman this gang’s got isn’t going to protect our little dancing queen. Especially not if that said gunman is her boyfriend.” Though I also got a stern condemnation from her, and that I need to get a grasp on my outbursts. 

I’m going home. 

June 9th, 1927

10:59 AM - I woke up early, but decided to discipline myself by doing yard work and fixing a few things around the house. Miss M. was right, I need to find a way to get a grasp on myself before I end up hurting someone I love. I don’t trust myself to do any runs with Ivy or even Rocky, and I won’t until I can control myself. 

I just remembered that today is pa’s birthday. I miss him. If anyone could help me, it would be him. 

1:00 PM - I told Rocky to inform Miss M. and Ivy that I’ll get there late. I’m gonna visit pa’s grave.

8:40 PM - I got to the Little Daisy an hour ago, and Miss M. called Viktor, Rocky and I together to discuss a problem. That problem being that in the crate of beverages that we got last night, only the ones on top were actually filled. Rocky is being reprimanded for this, since he was supposed to check all the bottles before we left. I interjected saying it’s also my fault for not reminding him, but she wasn’t having it. 

She pulled me to the side after to say she’s sorry that the days lined up like this, but we need to talk to the people who screwed us over.

Frankly, I’m getting more and more convinced that they don’t view me as a person. 

10:42 PM - We didn’t find him there, which is just great. That means we got stiffed out of the majority of a crate of booze, which will definitely come out of my pay. 

Just what I needed.

June 10th, 1927

9:54 PM - We got back to the Little Daisy right after midnight, but I went straight home and then to bed, so I didn’t think an entry would be necessary. There’s no harm in mowing the lawn again, right?

2:31 PM - I arrived at the Little Daisy roughly 20 minutes ago, and Ivy isn’t here. Disappointing, but to be fair, I don’t think I deserve to be with her right now. Miss M. doesn’t know where she is either, so she asked me to man the cafe for now, so I’ll be doing that. 

4:19 PM - Horatio came to help me up here, and after a quick conversation he told me that Ivy left around 11 PM last night. Understandable that I missed her, considering when we got back. Hopefully she won’t be too mad that I couldn’t give her a ride back. 

7:37 PM - Still no Ivy, but while waiting I had a nice conversation with Zib. It seems I’m not the only one who isn’t fond of the whole “illegal” part, to put it simply.

10:20 PM - Zib recommended a few slow songs that I can start with, if I want to learn how to dance for Ivy. I’ll give it a shot, but I think I’ll stick with playing the piano for her. Speaking of Ivy, she’s still nowhere to be seen, but she probably just wanted some space. I’m going back home now, and hopefully will fall asleep without too much worry.

June 12th, 1927

4:39 AM - A lot to explain, so I’ll start from the beginning, and why I missed an entry yesterday. I’m not going to get any sleep tonight, so I’ll write.

It starts early yesterday morning, when Rocky all but dragged me out of bed under the guise of it being an important work-related matter. It was so rushed that I didn’t have time to grab this journal after it fell out of my coat pocket as I put it on. In the car, he informed me that Ivy was officially missing. 

After a slight panic that lasted longer than I’d like to admit, he told me the rest of the it. Since Ivy hadn’t shown up to work, or even the Little Daisy the past couple of days, Miss M. (her godmother) called her dorm, and was told that she hadn’t been there for a couple of days. 

So we had no idea where Ivy was, and we can’t tell anyone outside of the Lackadaisy, since this is an illegal operation. 

Once we reached the Little Daisy, Viktor was already out looking, but that was it. Immediately after all of that, I might’ve still been in panic, leading me to check every corner of the speakeasy, get lost in the caves for a few minutes, run to the park and back, before finally becoming rational and taking the car. 

However, in that maybe 50 feet gap from the entrance of the Little Daisy to the car, I saw the bracelet I got Ivy the other night. I hadn’t seen her without it since I got it for her. Something terrible has happened, and I wasn’t there to help her. 

After that I ran back and told Miss M. who immediately phoned Viktor’s residence, and after a few minutes, he arrived and we all met downstairs. She had a small speech, saying how she thinks that Marigold had something to do with it. The scam package along with Ivy missing and leaving her jewelry was too much of a coincidence. If whoever did it was after money, they would’ve taken it. And it wouldn’t have happened right in front of the place.

I feel awful. I feel sick. Please Ivy, be safe. For me.

7:01 AM - I didn’t get any sleep, which is to be expected, but I’m about to head back to the Little Daisy. I hope someone can aid me in the search.

8:48 AM - After accidentally walking in on Miss M. and Mr. Sable sharing a kiss in her office, I asked Miss M. for help, when she thought of a plan. She said they might be able to get Mordecai to help us out with this, considering that he is in Marigold, and that apparently has a soft spot for Ivy? Something about Atlas that I missed. Reasoning isn’t exactly my main focus right now.

9:09 AM - After a cup of coffee, Miss M. told me that he did agree to meet me at the park bridge at 10:30, but that I mustn't bring any weapons. I am more than fine with that, but I do worry since I expected Miss M. or at least someone to join me. 

11:17 AM - The meeting went surprisingly well, considering I’m alive. It seems he was unaware about this kidnapping, but has suspected that Asa Sweet, the head of Marigold, had recently been hiding something from him. 

Three days from now, at the same time, Mordecai said he will have information for me. He didn’t specify if it would be him here or just a dead drop, but still. Anything to help find Ivy. 

5:14 PM - After going back to the Little Daisy and informing everyone of what’s happening, I went to the church to pray. I feel like this is the only thing I can do right now. I hate that feeling.

11:53 PM - I drove to the Marigold Hotel, hoping to find something, anything, but nothing. I haven’t slept in nearly 48 hours. I need to try to rest. I want to keep searching, but I need to rest. Miss M. let me use the guest room above the Little Daisy. Please understand, Ivy.

June 13th, 1927

6:22 AM - I got a little bit of sleep. Back to the search.

9:18 PM - Damn it. Damn it all to hell. I can’t keep up like this. I want need to find Ivy. I accomplished nothing today. I yelled at Rocky when I shouldn’t have. It’s my fault she’s gone. I should’ve reminded Rocky to check the case to see if we got ripped off. I shouldn’t have followed orders and went to where we picked up the fake crate. I would’ve been able to drive Ivy home. She would still be here. I’m just a stupid, stupid lapdog. No will of my own. No thought of my own. Just doing what I’m told. So what if I’m hurt? So what if the one I care about is hurt?

It’s my fault.

June 14th, 1927

4:44 AM - Somehow, Viktor and Mr. Sable of all people knocked me back to sense. Ivy, if when we get you back, if you’re reading this, please skip it.

I was completely lost. I was at an all time low. Somehow even lower than I was after I committed those murders. It was to the point where I asked for a drink from Viktor, despite my stance as a teetotaler. When he immediately denied my request, I snapped. I verbally berated him, that ended with me getting a punch in the jaw. It didn’t take many words, but he made his point clear. No alcohol. No self pity. None of that until Ivy’s back.

2:56 PM - Miss M. told me to take over Ivy’s spot at the Little Daisy in the meantime. I’m definitely not in the best state to do it right now, but who am I to argue. I’m not preoccupied with anything important right now. I’m free to do anything.

I’m losing my damn mind.

June 15th, 1927

6:15 AM - I only got 3 hours of sleep, and mom can tell something’s up. About 20 minutes ago I woke up and was about to make my way to the park, but she cut me off at the bottom of the stairs. 

I admit, I lost my temper. I won’t try to excuse my actions. I snapped and yelled at her, and might’ve accidentally let the name “Ivy” slip out of my mouth. After that, I ran out to the car, where I am now. Hopefully my time at the park will give me time to think of a way to apologize, as frankly, I don’t think just saying sorry and nothing more will help. 

10:32 AM - A cat in a large overcoat walked past me sitting on the bench, but dropped a pocketbook filled with maps of the 50 states. I chased after him saying how he dropped something. 

I’m stupid

He glared at me and that’s when I noticed it was Mordecai. He must’ve been followed. I can imagine I’ll be kicking myself about this for one reason or another in a few hours.

12:12 PM - I’m glad that at least someone can think straight in this gang. I brought the booklet to Miss M. who searched it up and down, and didn’t find anything. Viktor looked through it since he knew Mordecai, and nothing. We were stumped, until Horatio opened the door and immediately exclaimed how we found his atlas. Atlas May, the founder of this gang.

Mitzi almost yelled that she must be held where Atlas died, some warehouse on the east side of town. Rocky, Viktor, and I are in the car on the way there now.

June 16th, 1927

2:00 AM - She’s safe.

That was awful, but I can hardly imagine how it was for Ivy.

Right now we’re in the guest room above the Little Daisy. She’s laying next to me, hopefully asleep. I suppose I should start at where I last left off. 

They must’ve chosen the place where Atlas was murdered to send a message to Miss M. to give in and forfeit the Lackadaisy. They were going to kill Ivy. 

When we arrived they had me climb onto the roof and try to look around the area whilst they covered the door, and that’s when I spotted her. She was in… an awful state. She’d been bound,and gagged, as well as

That horrible image will never leave my mind. I couldn’t contain my rage when I got back down, Viktor had to physically restrain me to prevent me bursting in before dark. We waited for the sun to set. For 6 hours. I’ll never forgive them for that, let alone myself. All I can do is thank the Lord for the Marigolds not doing anything horrid in that time. 

What happened inside the warehouse once we entered was a blur. Right now, all I remember is blood and screaming. There was more than we thought. 

I don’t think Ivy and I stopped crying and hugging on the ride back. 

2:24 AM - I had to wake Ivy up from a nightmare. I will never let anyone hurt her again. Ever. 

11:03 AM - I managed to sleep in, but Ivy looks like she didn’t get a wink of sleep. I feel bad that I wasn’t there for her during the night. I don’t care if Miss M. tells me to do something. I’m staying with Ivy today. 

4:49 PM - We stayed in bed for two hours, minus the 15 minutes it took me to make her breakfast. She briefly explained the beginning of what happened, but she was only able to recount so much before I lended her my handkerchief. She left only 40 minutes before Rocky, Viktor and I got back that day, and she was only a half-dozen blocks away from the Little Daisy when they pulled over next to her, pulled out a gun, and demanded she enter. Just writing about it… I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt so much hatred.

She admitted to me that she didn’t want to be part of this underground “business” anymore. I’m surprised, but I suppose if that happening didn’t convince her, nothing would. I have to confess, I’m very relieved that she’s made up her mind on that, as I don’t think we’d last much longer here. 

I remember that Ivy likes that one “banjo hour” from a while back, so I tuned the radio to it. I’m going to talk to Miss M. about… all of this.

5:43 PM - The argument conversation lasted a lot longer than I’d thought it would have, but I got the message across. She still has hope for this dying “dream”, but I haven’t gotten pay in a week and a half, and after I told her what happened to Ivy - what they did to her… It didn’t even seem to be her biggest concern. 

Frankly, I find that disgusting.

Maybe I misread her since I’m a little out of it still, but I don’t know what to expect from anyone in this establishment. 

Miss M. has severely misplaced priorities and is trying to revive a dream, and that’s to put it lightly. 

Mr. Sable seems to only be here for the alcohol and Miss M.. 

Viktor seems to only be here for Ivy. Judging by where he lives, he doesn’t get paid much, and he certainly doesn’t look happy.

Zibowski and the band also seem to only be here for Miss M. and the alcohol.

Horatio… He’s genuine. He’s a nice man.

Rocky. He’s my cousin and I love him, and I’m not sure whether to thank him or hate him for getting me into this mess and allowing me to meet Ivy. All I know now is that he doesn’t have any care for his own safety, let alone anyone else’s. I can’t help but wonder if that’s partially my fault. 

Miss Pepper, oh Ivy. She told me why she was here so long, but I still don’t quite understand, and I’m not sure if I will, but that’s fine.. I also feel like there’s a lot to learn about her, but one thing I know for certain is that I love her, and I’d be the luckiest man in the world if she loves me even half as much. 

Then there’s me. Calvin McMurray. Freckle. The crazy one’s cousin. The orange one. The lapdog. And whatever else people call me. I don’t think I’m a good person. No, I know I’m not a good person, but I still keep fighting. Why? Is it for Rocky? Is it for Ivy? Is it for myself? I don’t know. I’ve committed theft, arson, and even murder. If I were as good as I like to think that I am, if I was good as I say I try to be, I’d turn myself in, yet I haven’t. 

Miss M. said that tomorrow night she has another run for Rocky and I. We just got Ivy back from her being kidnapped. Yesterday. 

June 17th, 1927

8:08 AM - I got a good night’s sleep, surprisingly. Even more surprising, Ivy seems to have gotten a good few hours as well. I could get used to sleeping in the same bed as her.

After a little while of just enjoying eachother’s warmth, a question that I should’ve asked a while ago popped in my mind, and without thinking, I asked it.

Where do we go from here? And what is we ?

I love Ivy, that I’m certain. She says she loves me back, which I believe. It’s just we’ve only known eachother for roughly 3 weeks now, and we still don’t know a lot about one another. That’s when we decided that today and for however long we need to, we’re going to talk about eachother. No matter how much I try to avoid it.

She made me write that last part.

7:12 PM - I’m going to be honest, it felt good to talk about… well, everything. No stone unturned.

I can’t tell if she was just saying it to say it, or if she really believes it, but Ivy said that at least from what I told her, my father’s death had nothing to do with me, or even Rocky for that matter. That’s all I want to write about that.

Ivy’s story, as she described it, is a lot more silver-spoon-esc. in comparison to mine. It does however shed more light on how big of a decision it was to want to leave Lackadaisy and by proxy Miss M.. I find my respect for her to be ever-growing. Respect for Ivy, I mean. Not Miss M..

8:48 PM - Ivy went to bed early, and I stayed with her until she finally fell asleep, but now I’m going on that thing with Rocky and Viktor. I don’t know why I’m doing it, but I am. I shouldn’t feel obliged to do it, yet here I am. Of course.

9:30 PM - Calvin, I read up on the journal. I know you asked me not to read a handful of entries, but I did. You can get angry at me later, but after reading them, I’m glad I did. Thank you for leaving your journal here. I didn’t know that you had so much on your shoulders. 

I had a talk with Miss M. that I’ll tell you about in the morning. We both want to see the daisy prosper, but the difference is I’m not willing to lose you just for a chance at that. 

June 18th, 1927

10:31 AM -  I am writing this for future reference. I’m going to stop writing for a week, and just talk through everything with Ivy. Everything.

June 26th, 1927

11:19 PM - Thank you Ivy, that was genuinely a great idea. I think I might keep the entries to a minimum, and at most daily. 

…So for starters, I won’t put the time anymore. 

Ivy told me how her conversation with Miss M. went, but I can’t help but feel as if she left some things out. The rest of the week was rather uneventful, but wasn’t completely empty. Ivy made a rather romantic dinner for us on the 23rd, I finally finished whittling one of the pieces of wood Ivy grabbed me, that being a small daisy, and we did another “duet” as she calls them, where I was on the piano and she the vocals. She really does have a lovely voice.

Of course it was not all positives. I have a job tomorrow, that of which I’m told is just simple moving of “luggage”, but still I don’t look forward to, for what I hope are obvious reasons. I don’t know what’s more stupid; trusting a mobster or trusting your boss who hasn’t paid you in weeks. On top of that, Rocky, intentionally or unintentionally I’m still unsure, broke the pocket watch Ivy bought me. My temper got the better of me as I yelled at him, but really I’m just disappointed that the gift Ivy gave me was broken.

I may not know the first thing about micro-mechanics or whatever you’d call the inner workings of a pocket watch, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try to fix it

June 27th, 1927

It happened again. I lost control again. I killed at least 4 more people. It doesn’t matter that Miss M. lied to me about what kind of mission it was. I still went along with it and killed more people. All for some stupid, stupid drink.

June 28th, 1927

Another “pickup” that ended with more bodies. Had to stop at home for the first time in however long to grab more clothes. Got yelled at. Ivy was sick when I left in the morning, but thankfully better by the time I got back. Silver lining, I suppose.

June 29th, 1927

I didn’t get any sleep, but Ivy, after she threw up in the morning, took me to a St. Louis Cardinals game versus the Pittsburgh Pirates to take my mind off of the past couple day’s events, but I couldn’t pay attention for the majority of it. It’s selfish, considering she doesn’t care for baseball as far as I know, and she spent money on it, but I couldn’t. 

I can’t even enjoy the things I enjoy.

June 30th, 1927

Ivy once again was ill in the morn, and the rest of the day had cramps, so we had an “in” day. Yet it still feels like she was the one taking care of me.  

July 1st, 1927

Rocky of all people, as well as Ivy sat down with me to discuss mother. Ivy was genuinely concerned, whilst it seemed Rocky was just putting on a charade so he could get someone to clean his syrup-laden laundry. I love my mother, but I’m really not in the mood to take her on alone, and no offense to Ivy, but if she were there, it would be even worse. I’m not ready for that.

July 2nd, 1927

Yet I caved in.

It went about as well as I expected, though I *really* lost it at her when she insulted Ivy, calling her a “Protestant whore”. She doesn’t know her. She doesn’t know anything about her. She doesn’t know how Ivy is the most wonderful woman in the whole world. 

I knocked on the door with her by my side, apologized, and introduced Ivy to mom, and mom to Ivy. She asked a lot of demeaning questions, and all but ignored me. I went to make some tea in the kitchen for the three of us to talk, but when I finished and came back, Ivy had tears welling in her eyes, and a shaky voice. I don’t know what she said, but when I asked my mother as to what she asked her, she called her that. That’s when I snapped. 

Just writing about this is making me angry. It’s safe to say we won’t be seeing anymore of her.
I crossed her name out on the back.

July 5th, 1927

The last three days have been a mess. 

On the 3rd Ivy was sick, whilst Rocky, Viktor, and I had a big pickup to do for the party the following day. It went surprisingly well, as we all made it out unscathed, as well as with a medium payload, but we called it an early night.

For the 4th, the party lasted from noon to past midnight. The place was surprisingly lively, and it makes me realize why Miss M. wants this place back to its “former glory”, considering it was like this every night. Ivy and I danced for hours upon hours, with her new red, white, and blue dress, and for once, we weren’t the only ones dancing. Around 1 AM is when we stopped, and within a few minutes of us sitting down, Ivy’d fallen asleep on my shoulder. That was nice.

Today, we slept in quite a bit, but had a picnic in the evening at the park outside the museum, where I spotted my mother taking a walk. That spoiled my mood, but I didn’t let it spoil Ivy’s. I think. We once again called it an early night.

July 6th, 1927

It’s really starting to hit me how breaking contact with my mother will affect us. It was selfish. It won’t just affect me. Rocky loses all contact with who raised him, as well as the closest person to his mother. It will weigh heavy on me, which will also put weight on Ivy, especially since she’s sick. It will weigh on Miss M., since I have no other place to go, other than the room she’s letting Ivy and I stay in. How am I going to refuse to work for her when she’s the only reason I have a roof over my head?

July 7th, 1927

I’ve managed to scrape together enough money to schedule an appointment at the doctor’s for Ivy tomorrow. This morning was especially worse, however. She vomited multiple times. Ivy’s hurting, and I feel helpless. I hate that. Sure, I can make her some soup to the best of my ability, I can help her downstairs and play the piano for her, I can read some Sherlock Holmes to her, but I can’t do anything to really help her. 

July 8th, 1927

Ivy isn’t sick. She’s pregnant. And I’m the father. I’m happy, unbelievably so, but I don’t know how I’m going to support her during this time. I rarely get paid, we’re living in my bosses guest room, I’m all but expelled from my only family in a 3 state radius, and for all I know I could have a bounty on my head. All I know is that I’m not leaving Ivy while there’s still breath in my lungs. 

After the initial happiness followed by worry at the news, Ivy and I took a long walk in the park, and soaked in the sunset. 

I finally feel like I have a purpose. 

July 9th, 1927

I’m still in disbelief that not only is Ivy pregnant, but that I’m going to be a father. It’s only been a month, meaning that we should have 8 months for me to get a stable foothold in the world, above the criminal underground. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’ll be damned if I don’t give it my all. 

July 10th, 1927

Today was an easy day that consisted of Ivy joining me at church, and looking around for a place to work. I was surprised that Ivy wanted to join me, considering that she was Protestant, but not very devoted. I believe that she thinks it might help repair the relationship with my mother if she sees her at our Catholic church, but I don’t think it will work. Then again, she’s the optimist between us.

And I can’t deny I’d enjoy her company.

July 11th, 1927

This morning I went to the local wood shop, where they let me join them for an unpaid day of work. It was reasonably difficult labor, but I have to admit, it felt good. It felt good doing some work without fearing a bullet. The one who I met at the counter is Sam Vega, and he’s a nice man. Maybe there are good people in this city, I’ve just been looking in the wrong places. In hindsight, considering I’m a criminal, that would make sense.

I got home at 6 PM, and thankfully Ivy was doing good. She was even up for a dance, which Zib and gang were less than willing to play, but due to Ivy’s infectious happiness, they gave us a short song. This was a good day. 

July 12th, 1927

I went back to the wood shop and asked for a job, which thankfully they accepted with some helpful words with Sam, but that for starters, I’d almost entirely be carrying the materials around since I have only a day’s experience.. It’s of course not exactly what I expected, and the pay is meager - even for a 10-5 schedule - , but it’s honest work. 

July 13th, 1927

I could get used to this schedule. Wake up at 7 and make Ivy and I some breakfast, lounge for an extra half-hour with Ivy, leave around 9, work until 5, come back and get a nice shoulder rub from Ivy, go for a walk in the park, come back and make some dinner if we can afford it, and then lounge or dance until bed. 

$0.33 x 8 x 5 = $13.20

$0.50 x 5 x 3 = $7.50

$20.70 a week, plus the additional $93.73 we have saved up.

Math isn’t my strong suit, so thank you Ivy. 

I was wondering how much we made to see how long until we’ll be able to afford a small apartment, and counting the up-front price, we should be able to move into the one we’ve been looking at once I get my next paycheck!

July 14th, 1927

Another run was today that was uneventful, but Mrs. M. may suspect something. She’d planned for Ivy to join us on this run, but I had to tell her that Ivy was sick, and couldn’t come. Why she might suspect something is that I’m a terrible liar. 

All in all the runs have been peaceful lately. I like that, but I worry it won’t last.

July 15th, 1927

I hate lying. Ivy and I talked about maybe telling Miss M. so she wouldn’t assign her any more work, but the chances are that she’d either tell Ivy’s parents - which would be bad, considering I haven’t met them, and only remember her father’s name - or even worse, Viktor, who needs no explanation. Even if I’ve been somewhat getting along with him, he still hates me. Not a day goes by without a glare or death threat, and I haven’t the guts to confront him about it. 

That leads me to another thought. One that I don’t want Ivy seeing any time soon, so if you’re reading this, please stop here, or skip to the next entry. 

Marriage. I want to marry Ivy more than anything in the world, but I have a few worries about it. First off, we’re young. Very much so. I only became an adult a few months ago, and even less for Ivy. We’ve so much to do and see, and while we can do that married, it will be difficult. Another thing, in quite the opposite direction, we’re criminals. One wrong step- Or even a right step, could lead us six feet under or in prison. I’m not a good person. I’ve killed at least a dozen men, and any day could be my last. I don’t want Ivy to be heartbroken, or lost without me. She’s the most wonderful, nicest person I’ve ever met, and she has so much left in her life. I don’t want her life to be ruined because one night I don’t come home. I’ve expressed this worry to her before, but every time it seems she dismisses it. Either that or she doesn’t want to imagine it, and that I most certainly understand. 

Another part, the one that started this train of thought, is that I feel I need either Mr. Pepper or Viktor’s blessing, and I don’t foresee myself getting either of those. At least with how things are now. 

And of course, Ivy being pregnant adds a whole other layer of complications. 

Possibly the one thing related to the matter of marriage that I can say I have a plan for, is a ring. My father gave me his late grandmother’s ring for “the one” when I was around 5, and I still have it. 

My paw is getting sore from writing, and I promised Ivy a dance, so I’ll leave it at that.

July 16th, 1927

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but Ivy and I now have an apartment room! Room 73, just a block and a half away from the Little Daisy! It’s hard to contain my excitement, even if the only furniture we have is a gas oven, single size bed, and two tables with chairs.

To celebrate, the whole gang came over for a small party. Through the entirety of it, I never saw Ivy without a smile. I think that will make my week.

July 18th, 1927

What are we going to do? Life was finally looking up. We had friends. We were starting a family. We had just gotten a home to call our own. Really, we shouldn’t even be alive right now

I should start from the beginning.

Yesterday, around 10pm, Ivy and I were dancing in the speakeasy, the band was playing a song, and everyone was having a good time. It all turned to hell so fast. Those French Marigold cats from a couple months ago led a raid against us. They attacked the speakeasy. A gunshot rang through the building. Viktor grabbed a shotgun from beneath the bar. Before he could even shoot, or move to investigate, half a dozen Marigolds burst through the entrance, leading Viktor to catch a bullet in the shoulder. He shouted “Run”, and I grabbed Ivy’s paw, and ran through the tunnels. I stopped at the armory while Ivy ran ahead. I grabbed a pistol. When I got out, Mordecai was there with a gun aimed towards Ivy, and soon aimed at me. 

I got to my knees and dropped the gun, pleading for him to let Ivy live. Ivy jumped in front of me, and exclaimed how she’s pregnant. After he connected the thoughts in his head, another random Marigold came from behind me. Mordecai told him to give him my gun. He did so, and then Mordecai shot him square in the face with my pistol. He told us to run and never come back to Missouri.

Then that leads to where we are now. The side of a highway in my car with a near-empty fuel tank and nothing but $20 to our names, since we just spent everything else on the apartment. I don’t know if anyone else made it out, and I don’t know how to feel. I’m glad we’re alive, but I don’t know why. Why did Mordecai let us live? Is anyone else still alive? Why didn’t I help them? I’m still shell-shocked, and I doubt Ivy’s any better. 

We’re on the road to Kansas City, where Ivy’s family is. She’s certain they will help us, but I don’t want to get them involved in all this. Then again, I’m not sure how long I can last in a place I’ve never been without much money.

July 19th, 1927

We’re just outside of the city at a diner, just trying to grasp how our lives were ruined in the span of a few minutes. After eating whatever we could stomach and filling up the fuel tank, we have $13 and a few pennies left. 

July 20th, 1927

Ivy has a wonderful family. 

We arrived around 10am at their mansion, and it took a little convincing for the security to actually let us in. Apparently Ivy hasn’t been here in a few years, so I’d imagine she looks a little different. We were first welcomed by the happy squealing of her little sister, Peggy, which brought out the rest of her family. At first I could tell they were very skeptical of me, rightfully so, but I like to think by the end of the day I made a good impression.

After the greetings, Ivy and I went over our current situation, drawing out some stern looks from Mr. Pepper. It seems both of her parents were unaware that not only the Lackadaisy was still alive, but that Ivy was a bootlegger for it. I had to take over explaining when we got to the very recent parts for Ivy, but my comforting can only do so much. 

After all of that, Mr. Pepper walked around with me, questioning me, probably to see if I’m sincere in my intentions, while I noticed Mrs. Pepper talking to Ivy in another room. 

Near the end of the conversation, Mr. Pepper had me throw clay pigeons for skeet shooting… I’m still unsure if that was supposed to be intimidating or not, but it definitely was. He questioned me on how long I’ve known Ivy, what my intentions with her are, how long I’d been a part of Lackadaisy, etcetera. I answered truthfully, and I think I impressed him, but that might be wishful thinking. 

Once we got back, Mrs. Pepper and Ivy made everyone dinner, and they placed me next to her at the table. I think that’s a good thing. Dinner was nice, and throughout the majority of it Mr. Pepper told stories. He reminds me of my father, actually. 

When we got to the room we’re staying in for the night, Ivy told me that Mrs. Pepper knows that she’s pregnant. While I was on a walk with Mr. Pepper, Mrs. Pepper pulled Ivy to another room and asked her, and after some denial, she confessed. Ivy says that she said she won’t tell Mr. Pepper immediately, but that she “Hope(s) you made the right choice.”

July 21st, 1927

This was the first time in the past 3 days I actually got a respectable amount of sleep, and without waking up halfway through the night thinking of that night.

I did wake up relatively early, so I decided to make breakfast for everyone. In post, I realize that that may be a little weird of a thing to do when it’s not your home, but I wasn’t thinking about that. Mr. Pepper was the first one down a little after 8 to leave for work, and was appreciative of food. After I finished eating, Ivy’s little sister, Peggy, came down and gobbled up two pancakes so fast that it would rival Rocky. 

Ivy, followed by Mrs. Pepper and baby Timothy in her arms. Ivy gave me a kiss, which I noticed gave Mrs. Pepper a small smile on her face. I really think I’m making a good impression. 

Ivy and I had a talk about where we go from here. While we’re still unsure, 

July 22nd, 1927

I made breakfast for everyone again, and I think - so long as I don’t get told not to - I’m going to keep doing so. I plan to ask Mr. Pepper on the weekend how I can help him, instead of just freeloading. Plus, it might help me get to know the city better for however long we’re here. In the meantime however, Ivy and I went for a nice walk around the park she loved to play in as a kitten, and tomorrow we’re going to stop at her favorite candy shop.

July 23rd, 1927

A nice old lady that worked at the candy shop recognized Ivy, and gave her a large lollipop for free. She went on and on for a few minutes, explaining to me how she used to come here every day and get the same lollipop with her father. I didn’t quite catch her name, but it was still a nice interaction. The first sentence we heard entering the store was “Oh my little Miss Pepper’s all grown up! And she has a boyfriend with her! My my, where have you been?”

On a more important note, after talking with Mr. Pepper, he said that one of his steel mills could use an extra pair of paws, so he hired me to help out. He also said that Ivy and I could stay as long as we need, and in response I asked that he not give me full pay since I’m living in his house, but he insisted I take the full 100%.  

Ivy was slightly disappointed to hear that I wouldn’t be around her all the time anymore, but I’m only working 4 days a week, so it will be fine. Her family is so kind and generous, it’s no wonder she turned out the way she did. I love you, Ivy.

July 24th, 1927

The first day at the steel mill went well. The people there are a little rough, but I think they’re just not used to outsiders - And I’m not too different. The labor was tough, as at least for the first little while I’m on hauling duty. I’m not complaining though, the furnace jobs look… dangerous.

July 26th, 1927

I think I’ll put a pin in this for now, as the chapter of my life which I started this in is over, and I feel I should leave it there. I will update when important things happen, and I should start writing daily again once we move out, but will probably be even longer. 

October 1st, 1927

In the news Ivy and I found out that there was a big tornado that hit St. Louis, and that it completely devastated the Maribel Hotel! I know I shouldn’t be cheering on suffering, and I’m not, but really… Maybe karma is real.

October 9th, 1927

Ivy and I went to see the new movie “The Jazz Singer”, and it was quite the experience. I have no idea how they get the voices to come from the reels, but it’s incredible! We really are living in the future!

October 10th, 1927

Ivy’s been humming the song from the movie last night the entire day.

October 14th, 1927

The death report from the tornado was in the news. Asa Sweet was among them. While that may signal safety for me and Ivy - Who is quite pregnant now - in St. Louis, but we agreed that even with his death, we wouldn’t feel safe there. So that’s that.

December 19th, 1927

Today’s Rocky’s birthday. He would’ve been 23 today.

December 26th, 1927

This was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mother or Rocky, but it was still nice. The Pepper’s treated me as one of their own, and Mr. Pepper even gifted me a newsboy hat, which Ivy likes. Speaking of Ivy, I gave her a golden sunhat, since her last one we had to leave at St. Louis. Ivy got me bronze cufflinks, which I love. I do have to admit that it makes me feel like I should’ve gotten her something bigger to compete with what she got me, but she still assures me that it’s alright, and how I shouldn’t be spending much money at all, considering we should move out soon. 

January 1st, 1927 1928

Mr. Pepper held a large party for New Year’s which was incredible. That man sure knows how to have a party. He truly seems like a real-life Gatsby. Ivy seemed a little disappointed that she couldn’t dance quite as much as before due to her being very pregnant and due soon, but I knew just the thing to cheer her up. Last night - with the approval of her mother and father of course - I proposed to Ivy, and she accepted. 

I did it in a more sectioned-off area of the party to not draw too much attention, but both Ivy and Mr. Pepper announced it to the crowd, leading to a nice roar of applause. Part of the reason I proposed was because I didn’t want our child to be a bastard and be judged because of it, but still, I’m incredibly happy to now officially be married to Ivy. The ring my father gave me looks beautiful on her. As with everything else.

January 14th, 1928

The marriage ceremony is planned to be on the 19th, and it’s supposed to be a small one, but Ivy and I got legally married today, and she is now Ivy McMurray! I don’t think it’s possible for me to be happier right now, but I’ve learned that when things seem to be on the up and up, it’s bound to crash back down at some point. Ivy and I are prepared for that, whatever it may be. 

January 19th, 1928

Today I was married to the most lovely woman in the world. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Ivy.

The reception was somewhat small, involving Ivy’s family along with her mother and father’s parents and siblings. It broke Ivy’s heart to only see her family and none of mine, but we made it through. Together. As always.

Also, in some weird twist of fate, the officiant priest was Abelard Arbogast. I think I even saw him crack a smile when he saw us.

January 25th, 1928

Ivy and I have decided to move to a small house with a nice plot of land in Roslyn, Washington. We looked into at least two cities in every state (except for Missouri) and thought that Roslyn would be best. It’s a small town that seems homely, and will be a good, safe place for us. It will be hard, starting fresh in a town on the opposite side of the country, but I think that’s an undertaking we can do. The town looks gorgeous along with the surrounding environment, and it’s close enough to larger cities like Seattle and Bellevue that we can find a place similar to St. Louis nearby.

As it was a small house, around 630 square feet with a quarter-acre plot of land surrounding it. It took all the money the both of us had saved up, but I think it will be nice there. The only reason we found it was because of a newspaper.

We’re planning to leave a week or so after Ivy gives birth, just so nothing happens on the drive over, and so she can give birth in a safe place with minimal risk. 

I still can’t believe I’m about to be a father.

February 12, 1928

We told little Peggy that we were going to go away soon, and she began to bawl her eyes out. It’s sad that we have to leave them, but it was nice to live with them while we did. Yes, this entry wasn’t too important, but I felt like it was cute enough to add.

February 25th, 1928

After a check up with the doctor, we confirmed that Ivy is due any day now. 

Calvin won’t stop fretting over me. I think it’s pretty cute, but it can be a little much. For goodness sakes, Calvin, I don’t need your help with simple things like walking down the stairs, you goofball. I’m pregnant, not crippled.

Also yes, I did steal your journal.

Duly noted.

February 28th, 1928

Ironically enough, Ivy’s water broke whilst she was walking down the stairs. We rushed her to the hospital and were assigned a midwife. I might’ve overreacted a little when I wasn’t allowed in the room with her, panicking, but it was alright. 

After a long two hours of labor, at 11:23 AM, February 28th, Ivy and I welcomed little baby Vincent Pepper McMurray into the world, and I couldn’t be happier. I already swore to the both of them, but just as a reminder to myself; I swear to be the best father I can possibly be. 

It didn’t take long to decide on a name for little Vincent, as the memories of Lackadaisy are still in our minds. We decided on Vincent in memory of Viktor, who gave his life for ours. 

February 29th, 1928

We’re staying an extra day in the hospital just to make sure he’s alright, and everything says he’s a healthy little boy. I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling since I saw him for the first time. 

Both Ivy’s parents came to visit before we went home, too excited to wait another hour. They pointed out how he looks just like me, which I somehow didn’t even notice. Albeit quite a bit cuter. 

March 1st, 1928

When we went back to the Pepper’s home, Mrs. Pepper had to physically hold Peggy back to calm her down, because she was so excited to hold Vincent. Ivy sat down on the couch with him, and I could tell she was fighting to stay awake. I took Vincent from her and wrapped the blanket around her, allowing her to finally get some rest. 

Holding Vincent in my arms again… it’s indescribable. I didn’t want to hold him tight and possibly hurt him, but I wanted to hold him tight enough to keep him safe from whatever may harm him. 

After a few minutes, and an “OK” from her mother, we let Peggy hold Vincent while she sat on the couch, and she immediately fell in love. She played with him, and Vincent was giggling the whole time. It was truly wonderful.

March 2nd, 1928

Mr. Pepper took me for a round of golf to talk again, this time about Ivy and I’s financial situation, as well as moving halfway across the country. He seems to understand our concerns, and told me that we could come back at any time. 

He finished it off with asking when Vincent will be ready for his first game of golf.  

Whenever it may be, he’d probably do better than me… Not like it’s a high bar. 

March 3rd, 1928

Ivy and I have agreed that we’re going to leave on the 5th, two days from now. We’ll be back on the road, but this time, with a newborn. Ivy’s still tired from the whole ordeal, but is on the up-and-up. 

I will be the one doing the driving, while she takes care of the kitten and map. It should be around 5 days of driving, Topeka to Denver to Salt Lake City to Seattle, and then finally Roslyn. While I’m not looking forward to the long time on the road, and time away from Ivy’s wonderful family, I am rather excited to have a new, safe place to call our own.

March 4th, 1928

We packed up the car today with food, supplies, and just about everything else to our name… which isn’t a lot. I’m going to bed early.

March 5th, 1928

We said our goodbyes early in the morning and took off. Ivy and I made sure to thank Mr. and Mrs. Pepper for their kindness, and we’re going to pay them back at some point. I don’t know how, but we will. 

We made it a few miles past Topeka today, and are staying in an inn. It isn’t the most luxurious per say, but we’re only staying here for a night.

March 6th, 1928

We’re about a third of the way to Denver, and the roads are dirt now, but we’re making it there slowly and steadily. 

Surprisingly, Vincent seems to like the car. He’s napping a lot, and thankfully when he’s awake, Ivy is quite good at multitasking. 

March 7th, 1928

I tried reading the map and driving to give Ivy a break, and ended up missing not one, but two turns… yeah.

March 8th, 1928

We made it to Denver and got our back left tire replaced after it got a hole in it. I never thought I’d miss paved roads so much. 

We took a little break from driving to walk around, and stopped at a nice little restaurant that gave Ivy’s sandwiches a run for their money. 

March 9th, 1928

We’re taking a break today, and are just going to relax around the city. It’s a pretty nice place, and plus, it feels good to stretch our legs after being in the car for a few days. We met another young couple with a young kid who gave us some nice tips. Today was nice.

March 10th, 1928

We got to Salt Lake City in the evening, but there was a wonderful Amish family that let us stay the night, as well as let us join in for dinner. Vincent giggled every time he saw the horse that pulled the carriage. If we ever come back here, we need to pay the Riehl family a visit. 

March 11th, 1928

We left a little past 5 because I wanted to help around the farm for a little while as a way of thanks, on top of the drive to Seattle taking over a day either way.  I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I think I appreciated driving a little more after. Ranching is hard work, and I can’t imagine doing it every day.

March 13th, 1928

We finally made it to Seattle! After buying and replacing an old, flat tire, we were left with a little less than $50 to our names, but we still took some time to enjoy the city. It’s fairly similar to St. Louis, just a little smaller and a little wetter. We went on one of the ferries, which I learned was Ivy’s first… and probably last time on a boat. Maybe Vincent as well, at least for a while. He was not a fan of the foghorn. 

Around 7 we got back in the car for the night, and we’re going to take off first thing in the morning. We’ll be home tomorrow! Finally!

March 14th, 1928

We finally made it to Roslyn. The brochures weren’t wrong, this place is beautiful! The house is definitely small, but soon enough we’ll be able to make a couple enhancements to it. Or at least have it be more than 4 rooms, a basement, and a restroom.

First, however, a job. The options seem to be coal mining, logging, or a chef’s aid at the Brick saloon. This mine doesn’t have a safe history, and logging offers a little more pay than the saloon, so it looks like I’m going to be a logger. I’ve always liked working with my hands, and - at least according to Ivy - I’m fairly strong, so that might be a good fit for me.

March 15th, 1928

I got the job! The pay is minimal, but I can’t complain, and the lumber mill isn’t active past dark for safety, so that means I get more time with Ivy and Vincent in the evening. Even if it means early mornings. 

Speaking of Ivy, she seems to be adapting well, even if she’s still a little wary. But if we’re not safe here, we’re not safe anywhere in the US. She told me that throughout the day, neighbors came over and welcomed us to the town, with a few of us even giving us some homemade food! I’m not good with names, so I might be wrong about these, but from what I remember there’s the Buffo’s, Luang’s, Bruno’s, and Harrison’s. 

Things are going very well right now, and I couldn’t be happier. 

March 16th, 1928

We went to the saloon and met another young couple there, maybe 2 years our senior, with a 6-month old lass named Mary. Ivy hit it off right away, I followed soon after. It was nice to meet another couple under similar circumstances, though we couldn’t exactly go into depth on ours. The couple, Tomas and Cherry Schmidt, have lived here their whole lives, but their parents are Prussian immigrants. 

        ^German!

March 17th, 1928

Ivy and I went on a walk with Vincent, as well as the Schmidt’s down to the Yakima River, and it truly was gorgeous. I haven’t been on too many trips - 3 to Ireland and 1 to South Carolina to visit my father’s family when I was 5 - but it was definitely the most beautiful place I’ve been to. Ivy even went to wade in the water, before coming back running because it was freezing. As much as I want to be irritated that the others didn’t warn her… it was pretty funny. Her tail was almost as fluffed up as mine! Vincent also seemed to definitely enjoy it. 

March 18th, 1928

Today was a very slow day, as neither of us got much sleep due to Vincent’s wailing, but it felt good to rest after quite an eventful week. I think I’m going to stop writing for now unless some events happen, as our lives are finally back on track! We’ve made friends, our home is humble yet beautiful, and I have a job!

November 23rd, 1928

I’ve never seen so much snow in one place before. There’s at least a foot and a half of it. Vincent, who is now crawling around, was playing with it and threw some in the air, before crying when it fell back on him. He’s a silly little guy.

January 1st, 1929

This town really knows how to do fireworks! I only wish Vincent enjoyed them as much as Ivy and I… At least he isn’t louder than them.

February 14th, 1929

Ivy and I went to the cinema in town and saw “The Broadway Melody” for St. Valentine’s Day, and once again, she’s humming the tune non-stop. I’m happy to see that she can enjoy things so much.

February 15th, 1929

I didn’t expect to be writing day-by-day again, but Vincent said his first word today! It was “Dada” too!

Calvin’s been smiling all day because of that!

February 28th, 1929

It’s Vincent’s first birthday! The Schmidt’s came over, and we went down to the creek for the little ones to play. Ivy and I couldn’t afford too many toys, but Ivy got him a little sailor outfit like the one I had when I was a little boy, and I carved him a few building blocks.

April 16th, 1929

Vincent took his first steps today! 

May 20th, 1929 

As much as I want to spoil Ivy, we can’t afford too much. Thankfully she was understanding, so for her birthday, we just had the day to ourselves. Vincent spent the day with the Schmidt’s. 

August 30th, 1929

We added the first extension of the house, it being a small closet, and Ivy’s started a small garden out on the side. We won’t be able to grow anything before the next winter because there should be snow within a quarter, but we’ll be ready for next year! 

October 7th, 1929

As part of the deal, we took care of Mary for the day, as it’s her mother’s birthday. She reminds me of Peggy, albeit quite a bit younger. She’s full of energy, and loves Vincent!

October 30th, 1929

The stock market crashed yesterday. I don’t think that this will affect us too much, but it’s hard to say. Ivy’s the smart one, after all. Not me.

January 9th, 1930

I was wrong. My paycheck’s gotten smaller than it already was, but I’m lucky I haven’t been laid off. We had enough money to cover food in the winter, but once spring starts… it really comes down to taxes - which Ivy does - and Ivy’s garden.

June 28th, 1930

We’re making it by, but not by much. My paycheck seems to be going down every week, and I’ve lost a few pounds due to hunger, but Vincent and Ivy are healthy. 

July 1st, 1930

Tomas brought something up that I’m surprised I didn’t think of. Fishing. The river and nearby lakes have quite a bit of fish, and if I can get enough for Ivy and I to eat some maybe twice a week, we should be alright until this depression is over. Tomas even has a spare rod that he gifted me until I can afford one myself. We plan to go fishing this Saturday. 

July 5th, 1930

It was successful! We caught two Sockeye salmon in the lake, and both took one home. No offense to Ivy’s veggies or cooking, but it was the best thing I’ve tasted in a while. 

October 13th, 1932

At this point, we’ve all gotten used to this depression life, and are just waiting for it to end. The other day we got a letter in the mail from Mr. Pepper reminding us that if we ever are in need of money, to just send him a letter. Apparently he had to sell two of his property investments, but as he didn’t play the market, he and the rest of the Peppers are still living well. 

October 15th, 1932

Writing about Ivy’s family made me think of my mother, to the point where after talking with Ivy, I wrote a letter to her. I dropped it off in the afternoon, but it was about how we’re doing right now, how I’m living with Ivy in Washington with our son, and that if she wanted to make amends, we’d be willing to have her over, and explain… everything. 

December 21st, 1932

Yesterday we received a letter from my old house, but it wasn’t from my mother. The letter informed me that on June 9th, 1930, my mother died from a stroke. It’s been over two years since my mother died, and I had no idea. I wasn’t with her in her final moments, or even months. She probably died thinking I was dead in a ditch somewhere.

February 4th, 1933

Today we got a letter in the mail from my mother’s life insurance. Since I was the only one in her will, they’d been looking for me for a while, and after sending the letter to my old residence, the people that currently live there probably told the agency. The policy was for $2000. 

With the money, I gave Tomas his fishing rod back and bought my own, as well as some food. We’re still both a little awestruck about the whole ordeal, but I really feel terrible despite all of it. I was a bad son, probably a terrible one. Still, she kept her life insurance policy and will to me. 

I’m going to church tomorrow.

September 5th, 1933

Today was Vincent’s first day of school. I know it’s a cliche, but he’s really grown up fast. 

December 5th, 1933

Prohibition was repealed today. Every life I took, every life I ruined, every law I broke, all for that stupid, stupid drink, was now completely for nothing. 

I’m still never touching that damned liquid.

November 28th, 1934

Ivy got a job at the Brick saloon! 

June 19th, 1935

Ivy’s pregnant again! This wasn’t planned by any means, but we’re in a good enough situation where even another mouth to feed won’t be overwhelming. We have a healthy amount saved up, and with the economy back on the ever-so steady rise, we’ll be alright.

January 26th, 1936

Today at 2:35 AM, we welcomed baby Elise to the McMurray family! 

Feb 29th, 1936

Today is the day I’m going to stop updating this journal, fully ending this chapter of my life. I started this at my lowest, and I’m ending it at my highest. I love my beautiful wife, my wonderful children, and this great town. 

Calvin McMurray, signing off.

In the event of my death, please give this to Jeannine McMurray or Ivy Pepper. Ivy McMurray!