Chapter Text
Dazai and his totally normal human mortal coworker Kunikida are an iconic duo in the Agency - until one of them is found out to be a vampire, but no one knows who just yet.
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All hell breaks loose after the vampire incident - Bram Stoker, the one who was forced to be the cause of these vampires, had devoted himself to a ten year old girl named Aya, who helped out the Agency majorly by freeing Bram from Fukuchi’s control. Thanks to Aya, Bram was now able to control vampires, and himself now that he was free.
The vampire incident had been solved - everyone who had been bitten was now a regular human again, returned to their previous states. That’s why everyone was shocked when they heard someone in the ADA was revealed to be a vampire.
Originally, they DID think it was Atsushi - those sharp teeth (which were obviously from Byakko!) didn’t seem as sharp before the incident.
“Hey! Hey wait! I’m not a vampire, I swear! The fangs are from Byakko!!” He had screamed, waving his hands around in the air as if they’d help convey his point.
Everyone looked at eachother, trying to read their thoughts by just their faces. They all gave a silent nod, before turning to Atsushi who let out a sigh.
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Kunikida Doppo was an idealist - anything in his presence that didn’t fit his liking to the slightest would have only his second thoughts. This included Dazai Osamu - the unhygienic, messy, so called lazy man. He didn’t fit his ideals to the slightest, but for some reason Kunikida was particularly interested in him. The unpredictability and randomness of the man was enough to keep him wanting more, he wanted to study him. Kunikida purposefully made sure he’d get paired with Dazai on missions, no matter how small. He just wanted to be there for Dazai, not that he would ever tell him that, not that he’d ever acknowledge it himself. It was a scary thought to know he wanted to be… friends, with such a different guy. But somehow, his differences made him more captivating and admirable, to Kunikida atleast.
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The next person everyone thought was a vampire was Fukuzawa - he was quite old after all, and he seemed very… vampire-ish, in his own ways.
But when he had heard the Agency thought it was him, he was slightly concerned.. and confused. Concerned for the Agency’s mental health, and confused on how they thought it was him.. was something wrong with them? Just because Fukuzawa may have been slightly paler than the other members, and how his ivory locks could resemble a vampire’s sharp teeth, he was just a regular guy and no way a vampire. So that’s why the Agency dropped this thought a week after coming up with it.
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Dazai Osamu wasn’t really a man to conform - he was just made to cause chaos and disharmony for those around him, for the better ofcourse. Sticking to a certain mindset or opinions surely couldn’t be good for you. Yet, Kunikidas assertiveness and passion for his ideals were alluring, and Dazai just wanted to make Kunikida forget about them, even if it were just for a day. He wanted Kunikida to open his ideals up to more variety, so then Dazai could atleast try… try, to become one of Kunikidas first thoughts for once. Something about Kunikida was rather charming, thought he was unsure what. Maybe it was his long, silky ponytail, which was golden like an old vampires goblet? Or maybe it was his dim, cold, inviting aura? Dazai didn’t know, and he didn’t care. Kunikida would never give him a chance, but that wasn’t something Dazai cared about either. All Dazai knew was that something about Kunikida was welcoming, and he wanted to feel like this around him forever.
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The next suspect was Yosano - the doctor with weird yet sweet vibe. Her dark hair could resemble that of a witch. But witches weren’t what they were looking for - they were looking for vampires! But.. even so, witches and vampires were thought to be closely tied together. Which is why they went to Yosano to see if she knew who the so-called vampire was.
“Im not a witch!!! Im just a regular human!!” She yelped.
A weird feeling in her gut told her that she knew it was someone close to her, someone she knew very well in the workplace.
“Although.. Ranpo has been acting quite vampirish lately.”
Ranpo let out a small gasp, a few cookies he was munching on leavily his mouth in a crumb state.
“Why me?!”
“Well.. let’s see..” Yosano started, inspecting Ranpo closely.
Ranpo let out a displeased sigh, continuing to eat his cookies.
“Well your boyfriend’s a vampire?!” Yosano shouted, her voice cracking with confusion.
“Poe is not a vampire! He’s just a goth. Humble yourself!”
“Whatever! Well.. if you’re not the vampire, how come you haven’t figured out who is yet, hmm?” Yosano mocked.
“Because there ISNT a vampire! You guys believe everything you’re told. You’re forgetting two 14 year olds told you that. Notice how they’re not even bothered, but are just laughing at us as if we’re stupid?”
“KYOUKA! KENJI!” Yosano snapped, a playful yet sadistic glint in her eye flickering underneath the lights.
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And with that, the debate on vampires ended.
Everyone knew it was just a fad - right?