Work Text:
Alhaitham let out a sigh. Kaveh was currently pacing their living room, clearly drunk, rambling endlessly.
"Haitham! Are you even listening to me?" He asked, turning to Alhaitham with his hands on his hips.
Alhaitham looked up at Kaveh. "No. Whatever you were talking about seemed so mundane that I zoned out." He said, bluntly.
"Mundane?!" Kaveh slurred, immediately reacting with anger. "Alhaitham, I thought we agreed to keep the fact that we live together, and are- well, a secret!" He said, pulling on his hair slightly in anger as he paced.
Alhaitham raised an eyebrow. "That would only apply to me if I was the one going around drunkenly rambling to strangers in a tavern."
This was only fueling Kaveh's anger. Alhaitham could tell. "Well- You-" Kaveh didn't seem to be able to think of a response to that, though he seemed too drunk to think clearly in the first place.
"Kaveh." Alhaitham sighed. "You are aware that we can sever this.. relationship, correct?" He said, quietly. He could see the colour draining out of Kaveh's face, yet he continued. "Clearly you do not enjoy living with me, and I do not enjoy dealing with your drunken ramblings every night of the week." Alhaitham, honestly, did not mean any of that. After all, what would Alhaitham gain from decieving Kaveh? All he wanted to do was to confuse Kaveh enough to quit pacing and go to sleep.
What he did not expect is for Kaveh to take him completely seriously. "Fine!" He said, crossing his arms. "Fine!" He repeated. "I'll leave! Since you hate me so much, I'll leave!" Kaveh said, and before Alhaitham could say anything else, Kaveh stomped into his room, shut the door and locked it.
Alhaitham sighed, and got to his feet. He'd talk to Kaveh about it tommorow. For now, he would get some rest as well.
"Alhaitham!" The man himself stirred slowly, and opening his eyes. "...Kaveh..?" He sat up. Kaveh had entered his room, holding a plate of Fatteh, freshly made. He placed it on Alhaitham's desk.
"Good morning. I made you breakfast." He said, with a small huff.
Alhaitham blinked. "That's a first." He answered, getting to his feet. He was shirtless, but Kaveh was quite used to seeing Alhaitham like this. He began to dress.
"About last night.." He began, but Kaveh interrupted.
"You're right, Alhaitham. Neither of us can stand each other, I'll move out by tonight." He said, in his slightly defeated sort of manner. Alhaitham looked back sharply.
"No need to act so hasty, Kaveh. At least find yourself a place to stay beforehand." He said, half genuine advice, half looking for an excuse for Kaveh to stay longer.
"No, no, it's alright." Kaveh said, shaking his head. "You're right. I've been getting under your skin long enough."
Alhaitham sighed quietly. He didn't mean what he said. Truly. But Alhaitham was never the type to clear up the way people misinterpreted his words. But this was Kaveh...
Alhaitham's expression did not change. He did not attempt to communicate, even though he knew he should. "Very well." He said. "I won't stop you."
Kaveh paused, Alhaitham got the impression he was thinking about something. "I'll be out of your hair by tonight." He said, and left the room.
Alhaitham gazed after him for a while. Then, he shook his head. Kaveh was so implusive he'd probably change his mind by tonight. Alhaitham went about his day as usual.
By lunch, many of Kaveh's belongings were packed. Instead of overworking himself as normal, he seemed to have gone to the other extreme, and wasn't doing anything at all. They ate in silence. Alhaitham was beginning to feel a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. Was Kaveh really serious about this..? How could he have made the decision so quickly..?
By evening, Kaveh seemed to have disappeared. His belongings were still in the house, yet Alhaitham couldn't hear Kaveh moving anymore. Alhaitham put his book aside. The dread was pooling. It felt like it would overflow if he waited any longer.
"Kaveh?" Alhaitham knocked on the door to Kaveh's room. There wasn't any response. Alhaitham felt his breath get a little heavier. Why was he feeling this way?
He pushed the door open. Most of Kaveh's belongings were packed. A few papers left on his desk. The door to his bathroom was closed.
Alhaitham slowly approached the door, and knocked again, this time on the door of the bathroom.
Please respond...
Nothing. Alhaitham pushed the door open, the sense of dread finally overflowing.
"Kaveh..?"
Kaveh was laying in the bathtub, eyes closed. Unresponsive. Alhaitham took another step forward, and his eyes fell on the bathwater.
It was red.
Alhaitham ran forward, crouching beside Kaveh. He was at a loss for words. Blood..? What..?
He glanced around the room. There was a razor blade on the floor. Alhaitham felt a stab of horror.
This.. This was suicide.
Alhaitham froze only for a few seconds, and then grabbed Kaveh's wrist to feel his pulse, only to find a deep slit in his wrist, and his skin ice cold.
"Kaveh.." Was all he could utter. Alhaitham was always good at keep a stoic facade, and while his expression had barely changed, nothing could express the rush of emotion that he felt just then.
His oldest friend, his roommate, his husband.. Dead.. By his own hand.. This was too sudden. All too sudden. Why? Was it his fault? Was it what he had said last night?
And the worst part of it all - he had done everything to make sure his death inconvinienced Alhaitham as little as possible.
His belongings were fully packed, there were documents on his desk that Alhaitham now realized was a will. He used the bathtub to make sure that Alhaitham could easily clean up after him, and the worst of it? He had dressed up for it, as though it was some sort of occasion.
He had done his make up, wore the suit that Alhaitham had gifted him on his birthday, wore the lipgloss that Alhaitham had always liked the taste of, and hadn't allowed himself to cry in his final moments, so that the eyeliner he had done would look perfect. For the first time, Alhaitham noticed how pretty his mascara looked, how well it matched his crimson eyes, once so full of life, now dull, glassy.
Alhaitham felt a single tear roll down his cheek, as he gazed into Kaveh's lifeless eyes. He couldn't look away. He was no longer aware of the horrible smell of the bathroom, Kaveh's blood drying on his hand, nor the fact that he was kneeling on the cold hard floor. Alhaitham slowly felt himself be overcome with grief, as he fully processed what had occured.
His husband had killed himself. Alhaitham's first and only love. He wanted to blame Kaveh, blame him for it all, blame him for not opening up about it, but in the end, it was Alhaitham's fault. All his fault. The constant arguing, bickering... And he had never taken any of Kaveh's complaints seriously...
Another tear escaped his eye. Alhaitham was beginning to shake. He hated it. He hated how perfect Kaveh looked. He hated that the last time he would see Kaveh dressed so nicely was the moment he discovered his corpse. He hated how Kaveh couldn't even cry before his death, and kept it pent up, despite the unmistakable grief he must've felt, parting with his life.
...
The rest of the night felt like a blur to Alhaitham. God knows how long he spent, on his knees, staring at Kaveh's corpse, trying to get over the unmountable grief of losing his husband. Eventually he had gotten up, and informed the Akademiya of his death. Kaveh's body had shortly been removed.
Alhaitham took the will and briefly read it, before it could be taken away. Kaveh had left everything to Alhaitham, aside from a few heirlooms he had left to his mother. Alhaitham felt both the guilt and anger within him churn.
Eventually, one of the medical professionals that had arrived gave Alhaitham some whisky to help him sleep. He fell asleep with a deep sense of sorrow, knowing that he would never feel Kaveh's warmth falling asleep ever again.
...
He woke up with a headache, and an empty sort of feeling, as though something that had been a part of him had been torn right out.
"Alhaitham!" He looked up. Kaveh..? "Good morning. I made you breakfast." Kaveh set down the plate on Alhaitham's table, and looked up at him. "...Why are you looking at me like that?"
Alhaitham shook his head. Was that all really just a dream? "No particular reason." He answered, starting to get dressed. Kaveh seemed suspicious, but he shrugged it off.
Alhaitham chose not to bring up the events of Kaveh's drunken rambling nor the dream, hoping that Kaveh would ignore it too, however...
"Alhaitham. You were right. Neither of us can stand each other, I'll move out by tonight." He said, in his slightly defeated sort of manner. This... was too similar to his dream. Was it really just coincidence?
Alhaitham sighed. "There will be no need to do that." He answered. "I did not mean what I said. You were drunk, I was attempting to confuse you. Half the time you forget that we're even married while drunk." Hopefully, clearing up the intent behind his words would help.
"No, Alhaitham, you were right." Kaveh said, stubbornly. "It'll be better if I leave."
Alhaitham felt something stir within him. "At least allow me to provide you some money, so that you don't end up on the streets." Alhaitham said, in a tone that suggested he wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.
Kaveh opened his mouth to argue, but seeing the look on Alhaitham's face, realized it was futile. "Alright, alright." He shook his head. "Well, I better start packing." He left the room. Alhaitham gazed after him. Something was wrong.
The rest of the day went quite normally. Kaveh talked animatedly during lunch, and Alhaitham was at least happy that the events of his dreams didn't seem to be coming true.
Until that evening, the noise in Kaveh's room died down suddenly. Alhaitham was alert of this much quicker. For a moment he hesitated, but the familiar sense of dread was already pooling.
He got up, knocked on Kaveh's door. He got no response. He opened the door. No one in there. The will on the desk....
Alhaitham walked forward, and opened the bathroom door.
Bloodied water. Kaveh's still corpse. The slits in his wrist. The make up, the suit. This... horrifyingly similair scene. Alhaitham felt his mind go blank with shock. How come..? What was..?
He felt himself fall to his knees. Was this some sort of nightmare..? If Kaveh was already dead, why did he have to experience the night of his death over and over again.. Was there any way to break out of this loop?
This was all the exact same. Kaveh's cold body, his glassy, dazed, crimson eyes... This is all too familiar... Again, the packed belongings, the will, the effort that Kaveh had put in to make himself look pretty before death... The carrying away of his body, the whisky, and dozing off again..
...
"Alhaitham!" This time, once Alhaitham had woken up, he sat up sharply, to see Kaveh bringing breakfast for him. Before Kaveh could even say anything, Alhaitham felt his breath quicken.
Why was this happening? Was this really his fate? To relive the night his husband died, over and over again..? A strangled sob escaped his throat.
"What's wrong, Alhaitham?" Kaveh had immediately become alert, as Alhaitham never openly showed emotion like this. He sat down on Alhaitham's bed, and looked half as though he wanted to hug Alhaitham, but he was holding back due to being uncertain if Alhaitham would want that.
Alhaitham felt himself growing fainter, unaware of what Kaveh was even saying, or when Kaveh eventually wrapped his arms around Alhaitham. He was too far away. What did it matter? Kaveh would die anyway, no matter what he did-
Everything around him began to fade. His room, the smell of food, Kaveh's tight grip. It became dark all around, like a void. And then... a faint green light appeared, taking shape.
"Lesser Lord Kusanali..?" Alhaitham's eyes widened slightly. The presence of his Archon caused a surge of warmth to spread through him, and while he still felt shaken, it was no longer as overwhelming.
The child-like god floated towards Alhaitham, and then dropped to her feet, glancing up at him. "Hello, Alhaitham." She said, smiling. That was the last thing he felt like doing, but somehow, it was comforting.
"I trust you've already figured out what's going on?" She asked, kindly. Alhaitham sighed, trying to bully his brain into remaining rational. "...A loop." He answered.
"Yes, that's right." Nahida said. To be even more specific, it's another Samsara, though this time, it's not being performed by the Akademiya. You are reliving the events of the night of Kaveh's suicide attempt." She elaborated, and then smiled. "I'm sure you've figured something else out, just now?"
Alhaitham had looked up at her sharply. "...Kaveh is alive, isn't he?" He asked, quietly.
"Yes. His actual attempt, thankfully, was unsuccessful. You found him before he could bleed out in time." She nodded. "He has been in a coma for a while now. He is the host of this Samsara. That is why in this dream, his suicide attempts are successful. I think you understand what you need to do next?"
"...If he is the host, then this world bends to his will," Alhaitham began, "That means that for him to survive, he needs to want to live."
Nahida nodded. "Yes, that's correct. The reason he hasn't been waking up from his coma is because he himself doesn't want to wake up. This Samsara was the only way to contact his subconscious without being overly invasive." She said, approaching Alhaitham and taking his hands in his. "You can take as long as you need to here. If you fail once, everything will reset. If I see that this isn't working, I'll end the Samsara myself. But for now, you have all the time in the world. The main thing is that Kaveh musn't realize he's in a dream."
Alhaitham took a few moments to respond, but eventually, he slowly nodded. "Yes. I understand." He answered, calmly, returning to his usual stoicism. "I'll get him to see the reasons to live." He said, a hint of determination in his voice.
Nahida nodded. "Then I'll return you to the Samsara. Good luck, Alhaitham."
...
Alhaitham slowly opened his eyes. Kaveh came into sight. "Oh, good. I was about to call a doctor." He said, crossing his arms. "You just randomly passed out. Care to explain what that was about?"
Alhaitham sat up. "I slept with the curtains open. I must have overheated." He answered, without missing a beat. Kaveh didn't seem to doubt that, but continued to question Alhaitham.
"What about your little fit of panic? I've never seen you so pale." He asked, sounding angry again.
"Nightmare." Alhaitham responded, sitting up and digging into the breakfast Kaveh had made. He was beginning to remember previous loops too. Arguements mainly.
"Quit bullshitting me!" Kaveh said, his anger shooting through the roof at once. "When have you ever had nightmares?"
"Believe it or not you are not the only one capable of having night terrors." Alhaitham answered, smoothly. After swallowing, "Thank you for the food." He said, though his tone remained the same.
Kaveh crossed his arms, with a small 'hmph'. "You're welcome. I got up early to make that, you know."
Alhaitham snorted. "Got up early to make a dish that takes about twenty minutes to prepare?" He teased. Normally, Alhaitham would've gone further with it, but he was trying to make Kaveh feel a bit more comfortable.
The latter scoffed. "You're unbearable." He said, shaking his head.
For a bit, they sat in silence, Alhaitham finishing his breakfast, neatly placing the dish on his desk to take back to the kitchen once he actually got up. Then, with a serious expression, Kaveh began to speak.
"Alhaitham..." He began.
"Don't." Alhaitham said. He already knew what Kaveh was going to say. "Let me make it quite clear to you that I don't want you to move out, nor do I want a divorce. That is purely bantering on my end, and I mean none of that." Alhaitham would normally never admit this. Yet he was doing so because he knew Kaveh needed his support. His husband.
Kaveh gazed at Alhaitham silently. "...You told me to yesterday.." He said, sounding confused.
"Don't twist my words, Kaveh." Alhaitham said, firmly. "I was saying that you could, not that I wanted you to."
Kaveh looked at Alhaitham for a moment. "This has been going on for years, Alhaitham. How long can you put up with my drunken ramblings, my breakdowns?"
"Until death do us part." Alhaitham said, firmly. "That was part of my wedding vows." He said, calmly.
"Haitham..." Kaveh sighed. "It hurts you to be with me. I'm not... mentally stable, and that's hurting you as well."
"Then so be it." Alhaitham said, not backing down. "I'm not going to abandon you when you so clearly need help."
They sat in silence for a while. Then, Alhaitham broke the silence.
"How long have you been planning to kill yourself, Kaveh?" He asked, quietly. Kaveh jolted.
"How did you-?" His face was a mix of emotions.
"When you're so resolved on pushing me away, it's obvious something is wrong." Alhaitham said, quietly. Kaveh stared, and then looked away.
"So it was just a guess." He murmured.
"It was a hypothesis." Alhaitham answered, calmly. Kaveh sighed, and grimaced.
"Fine. A long time. You can't stop me." He said, a bit angrily. Alhaitham's insides seemed to freeze over. Was he really that determined?
"I see." Was all he could answer. He gazed at his lap. He and Kaveh sat together in an awkward silence.
"...Could I at least know why?" He asked, after a short while. He knew it was a dream, but in the end, if Kaveh wouldn't change his mind no matter what, there was nothing Alhaitham could do.
Kaveh seemed to ponder. "..No." He eventually anwered, looking away.
Alhaitham, however, kept his gaze firmly on Kaveh. "Kaveh... Please." He said, quietly. "If I have to... lose you, I'd like to know why."
Kaveh stayed silent. After a while, he let out a breath. "I... don't want to be a burden to you. But I can't move out either, I don't have the mora." He murmured.
Alhaitham let out a sigh. "I told you I was fine with you being here, Kaveh. I married you for a reason." He said. He paused, and then reached out his hand to hold Kaveh's.
Kaveh's lip trembled. Slowly, he began to cry. Alhaitham sighed, and wrapped his arms around Kaveh. Kaveh began to sob, his face buried in Alhaitham's chest. Alhaitham's hand ran through Kaveh's hair, the other holding him close.
"I just.." Kaveh attempted to speak through his sobs. "You've done so much for me... and all I repay you with is drunken rambling and leeching off of you.." Kaveh's body wracked with sobs, and he weakly returned Alhaitham's embrace.
Alhaitham's expression remained calm, but his insides twisted with guilt. "You're my husband, Kaveh. I'm supposed to support you." He said, quietly. "Our relationship isn't a seesaw to be balanced. I'd like you to apreciate what I do for you, but I don't want you to feel guilty over it." He murmured, running his thumb down Kaveh's head in a soothing motion.
"Oh... Haitham.." Kaveh seemed to break into even further sobs. It had been a long time since Kaveh had used that name for Alhaitham. The latter wrapped his arms tighter around Kaveh.
"I want you to stay, Kaveh. No matter our arguements, I want you here. I..." He trailed off. He wanted to tell Kaveh that he loved him, but he found it difficult to utter those words. After a moment's contemplation, he lifted Kaveh's chin, leaned forward, and pressed their lips together.
He could feel Kaveh's tears moisten his cheeks. He could feel Kaveh slowly relax into the kiss, the sobs subsiding, yet the tears continued to stream down his face. Without breaking it off, Alhaitham pulled Kaveh onto his lap, hands now over Kaveh's back.
It felt sweet. It had been such a long time since they had kissed so intimately. Kaveh's hands were on Alhaitham's shoulders, and he leaned closer.
When they pulled away, although Kaveh was still crying, he seemed much calmer. "Hayi.." He repeated, covering his mouth slightly, as if to protect the kiss.
"Please, stay with me, Kaveh." Alhaitham said, taking Kaveh's hand in his own. "I want you to be able to work through this. We made plans to start a family together, did we not? Do you remember when we discussed it? You joked that I had the money and you had the empathy, and that together we'd raise a perfect family."
Kaveh's eyes finally met Alhaitham's. He found himself admiring how pretty Kaveh's crimson eyes looked, even when watery. "I..." Kaveh wrapped his arms around Alhaitham, leaning his head into his husband's shoulder.
Alhaitham kissed Kaveh's cheek lightly. "I'll pay for therapy for you. I want you to get better. For both our sakes." They both sat in silence. Until...
"Alright." Kaveh murmured. "I'll stay."
Alhaitham's heart lept in relief. He held Kaveh tighter.
"The purpose of this Samsara has been completed." Came Nahida's voice. "Good job, both of you."
And everything began to fade...
...
Alhaitham's head felt heavy as he awoke. He felt as though he had been asleep a very long time. His head was laying on something soft.
"You're awake!" Nahida was standing beside his bed, smiling happily. "Good. Everything's went well." She said, with a relieved little sigh.
"Where's-" Alhaitham began, but then realized the answer to his question. His head was on Kaveh's lap, and Kaveh's hand ran through his hair. Kaveh looked much more disheveled than usual, with both his wrists bandaged, his hair unbrushed, and he looked sleepy as well.
"Good morning." He said, his tone back to normal. "You slept so long we thought you died in your sleep." He said, with a roll of his eyes. Alhaitham sat up.
"Did I?" He asked, mildly. "Perhaps your lap is just too comfortable, Kaveh." He said, flatly.
Kaveh's face flushed slightly, and he waved his hand. "Don't flatter me. It doesn't suit you."
Nahida giggled. "Well, it seems you've both recovered quite nicely." She said, happily. "I'm glad. Both of you are important to Sumeru. I wouldn't want to lose either of you too early."
Kaveh gave a very weak smile. "...I'm sorry." He muttered, shaking his head. He had a terrible headache, and although it was difficult to think, he had to own up for the whole ordeal.
"I'm not blaming you." Nahida said, calmly. "My only point is that many people care for you, Kaveh. If Alhaitham refused to enter the Samsara to save you, which I doubt he would have, Cyno or Tighnari would have instead, or even your mother, if she knew about it."
As if to coroberate her words, Alhaitham tightened his grip on Kaveh slightly, only just enough for Kaveh to notice.
Kaveh closed his eyes for a moment, and he seemed a bit torn for a small while, but eventually, leaned into Alhaitham's embrace.
"...Thank you. Both of you."
Nahida smiled. "Not at all. You're people of my Nation, after all. It's my duty to take care of you."
Alhaitham, however, was still staying silent. Kaveh and Nahida talked for a small while, and she eventually left, with a wave and a smile.
It was then that Alhaitham spoke. He leaned close to Kaveh and whispered;
"I love you."