Archive of Our Own ^beta

The harsh sun beats down on him from above, unrelenting as it leaves him sweltering. His rented suit sticks to his skin, the rough, uncomfortable fabric damp with sweat. There’s no breeze to curtail the heat, effectively making this already miserable day so much worse. Whoever decided it was a good idea to hold this event outside in the middle of July deserves nothing but the worst.

This isn’t anything like the movies. Seungmin thinks to himself, silently stewing. Where’s the storm clouds? The sad music? This is all wrong. He can hear someone sniffling behind him–his cousin–and it irritates him. She doesn’t deserve to be sad, not after all the awful things she’d said.

There’s a heavy hand on his shoulder, grip tight and bordering on painful. There’s not much to listen to besides the stunningly boring voice of the officiant as he drones on and on. He’s been going for who knows how long. Seungmin hasn’t been keeping track.

He’s too caught up in his own head, grappling with the realization that she’s gone. She’s not coming back. He’ll never again wake up to her sitting at the foot of his bed, wearing the kind smile she always does while singing him soft lullabies.

She’ll never again tuck him in after a long day of play, or kiss his forehead and whisper goodnight. She’ll never again check for monsters under the bed and in the closet, or crawl into bed with him and stay until he falls asleep.

With his hands clasped in his lap and his head bowed, he tries to distract himself by counting the blades of grass brushing up against his leather dress shoes. They’re tight and dig into his heels, bound to leave blisters that’ll bother him for days.

He’d rather be anywhere else right now, but he was told he didn’t have a choice and had to attend. It feels like a cruel punishment to him. His mom just died, and now he has to sit under the hot sun wearing uncomfortable clothes while adults talk for hours.

He can’t help but feel guilty for wanting to leave so badly. Images of her sad face flash through his mind, and he sits up straighter. He needs to be a big boy, if not for himself then for her. He’s always taken pride in being her brave little boy.

The hand falls off his shoulder. He looks up, belatedly realizing the officiant has stopped talking and vacated the podium to make room for his father, Mr. Kim.

A man so startlingly different from her, whose eyes show no kindness, whose voice serves to unsettle and frighten rather than calm and soothe. All the love she’d given in her life, and none of it rubbed off on her husband, it seems.

Seungmin feels almost nauseous watching his father compose himself, he subconsciously sinks his teeth into his tongue, swallowing his distaste. It’s a strange feeling to have for your own father, the man who’s responsible for your entire existence and well-being. Seungmin doesn’t even entirely understand where the antipathy stems from. His child-brain can’t make sense of it.

“Thank you all for coming to celebrate with me.” His father begins.

It feels like a slap to the face, the choice of words. This is hardly something to ‘celebrate’. Seungmin’s jaw clenches, eyebrows furrowed. He turns his attention back down to his shoes.

“I wanted to come up here and talk about the remarkable woman I had the privilege of calling my wife, my soulmate. It’s so painful to have to say goodbye like this. I always thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together. I trust you all understand. It may be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” His voice is steady, but his eyes are glossy.

There’s a pause, Mr. Kim clears his throat, inhaling deeply before continuing.

“She wasn’t just my wife. She was my light in the dark. She was the warmth in my soul. My heart beats for her, and it always will. There are times-”

His voice is replaced by a ringing in Seungmin’s ears. His eyes sting with hot tears, welling up and resting on his lash line, ready to fall. It’s too painful to listen. His chest aches. He misses his mom.

Through his blurry vision, he focuses on the large brown box held up by a metal framework, sealed shut. The large photo standing adjacent to it makes his stomach churn. She hasn’t looked like that in a long time; it’s almost deceitful. The last time he’d seen her, she’d been around 60 lbs lighter. Her head had been covered in a bandana, her body hooked up to several beeping machines. Though he’d never admit it out loud, his mother’s face scared him the most towards the end. With sunken in cheeks and eyebags so dark they looked like bruises, his mother looked like a walking corpse. A zombie.

Seungmin understood that his mother was sick, and he knew she wasn’t going to get better. She’d been transparent with him from the beginning; no false hope was given a chance to brew.

He digs his fingers into his thighs, chewing hard on his bottom lip to try and bite back the soft cries that threaten to escape. She asked him to be strong for his father, and he’s doing his best to fulfill her wish. All he wants is to make her proud, make her happy, even if she can’t be here to see it.

“-all for coming. We love you.” Mr. Kim finishes.

The hardest part of the whole day is watching them lower her into the Earth; there’s an itch to follow her deep in his mind. The mechanical whirring of the machine grates against his eardrums; he wants to scream for it to stop. He doesn’t want them to bury her, to hide her, to take her away from him. He can’t bear watching as his mother descends.

Once it ceases, people around him begin to stand and move around. Seungmin doesn’t dare move, not an inch. Mumbling chatter begins as his family members gather to console each other. His father joins them, receiving hugs and words of comfort.

Some people approach Seungmin, crouching down to his level to offer their support, but he refuses to look at them. He leans away from their touches, avoids their pitiful stares.

He barely knows these people. They’ve never made any effort to get to know him, and now they’re suddenly trying to coddle him like he’s a sick puppy. It’s a bit too late for that. He doesn’t want their empty promises of a shoulder to cry on. He’s heard the things they say about him. He knows what they think of him. The walls are thinner than they think. He’s more observant than they know.

Seungmin refuses to cooperate, fully pretending they don’t exist and swiveling away from them with his arms folded. It earns a couple of awkward chuckles and offhand comments about how he’s just a grief-stricken child.

Mr. Kim, annoyed by his son’s behavior, leans down close to his ear, wrapping his fingers around Seungmin’s small bicep and squeezing hard enough to make the small boy’s face scrunch up. “You’re embarrassing me. Behave.” He warns, his tone stern.

Seungmin squirms in his grip, trying to pry his arm away, but to no avail. After a couple more moments of writhing, he’s yanked up from the seat. He stumbles over his own feet as his father drags him away from the area, ready to scold him. He starts to feel panic bubbling up in his chest, heart pounding against his ribs.

He doesn’t want to leave her. He can’t. He’s not ready yet. He hasn’t even said goodbye properly.

Planting his feet, Seungmin musters all his strength to resist Mr. Kim’s hold. He balls his fist and starts pounding on his father’s forearm. It’s not very effective. There’s only so much damage a 6-year-old can deal to a man four times his size. Which is to say none.

“Damn it, Seungmin,” Mr. Kim growls, abruptly turning to face him with a cold glare. There’s a vein protruding on his forehead, and his hold on Seungmin becomes bruising. “How long are you gonna keep this up, huh? I’m sick of your shit.” He snarls, uncaring for the tears streaming down his son’s face.

Seungmin’s limbs tremble. There’s a lump forming in the back of his throat that he can’t seem to swallow. He’s still trying to escape, thrashing around and pulling with all his might. Mr. Kim’s patience snaps like a twig. He suddenly shoves Seungmin down into the grass, throwing his hands up and letting out an exasperated curse.

Seungmin lets out a strangled yelp, catching the attention of some of the guests who pause in their conversations to see the scene that’s unfolding. Mr. Kim is rubbing his hands down his face in frustration, pacing back and forth.

Seungmin scrambles to his feet and runs back to his mother, his little legs threatening to collapse under the weight of his emotions. He ignores the horrified expressions on the faces of those watching him, who had just witnessed the actions of the man who should be comforting him.

He collapses onto his knees in front of the grave, one hand planted on the edge of the opening while he uses the other to try and reach towards her. Hoarse sobs wrack through his body as he leans down further, the incessant need to be closer to her burning through him. He’s not ready to let her go. He needs her.

“Mama, I love you.” He whispers between labored breaths.

Multiple voices are yelling at him, telling him to stop, to back up. He can hear his uncle shouting at his father to do something. Seungmin doesn’t acknowledge them.

A soft hand finds its place on the nape of his neck, gently squeezing. “Minnie, can you sit up for me?” His grandmother asks. Seungmin frantically shakes his head. She sighs, understanding her grandson’s need for patience and compassion, especially on today of all days. She’s always been a kind, sympathetic woman. “Alright, honey. You can have a few more moments, but then we have to move so the nice men over there can help Mama rest.”

He doesn’t understand. He wants to fight and argue. He wants to run away. This isn’t fair, and he’s confused and hurt and afraid. Why did she have to leave? Why did she abandon him? Why?

Of course, they’d explained it to him. The doctors and a special therapist sat him down to have this very tough conversation. The concept of death wasn’t easy to explain to someone as young as Seungmin. The therapist had tried to word it in a way that made him think it was a ‘different type of rest’, but he understood the meaning behind her words. He’s not stupid. He knows his mother is dead, he’s just not quite willing to accept it yet.

“It’s time to get up, Seungminnie. Come on.” She pushes, bringing her hand up to card her fingers through his hair.

With a shuddering breath, he pushes himself up and falls into her arms, weeping as he clutches onto the front of her dress. She rubs soothing circles into his back, holding him close.

After letting him cry it out until his wailing slowed down into small hiccups, she stands, lifting him with her. Seungmin buries his face in her shoulder, arms wrapping around her neck. His eyes remain squeezed shut, not wanting to see anything as they walk away from the grave.

“Mom, I got this. Give him here.” Mr. Kim grunts. Seungmin’s muscles tense when he feels his father’s fingers on his side, it’s just for a moment before his grandmother turns her body away.

“If you touch my grandson again, I’ll make damn sure you regret it.” She spits, “Don’t think I didn’t see that little fit of yours. He’s coming home with me. You’re in no place to look after him.”

“Ma, come on. Don’t do this.” Mr. Kim argues, his voice low and angry. It’s a tone Seungmin’s used to hearing.

“I thought I raised you better. Your behavior is despicable, and you’re a sorry excuse for a father.” She pauses, “And she would be disappointed in you. She would be disgusted with the way you’ve treated your son today.”

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

On the drive home–or to his grandmother’s house, rather–Seungmin rests his head against the window, watching the world pass by. His head aches, and his throat hurts. Everything is foggy. Nothing feels real. Part of him hopes he’ll suddenly wake up, and this can be written off as a nightmare.

Overall, he’s numb. There are no more tears left to cry, there’s no more fight left to give, he’s just exhausted. It’s all too much. A burden no small child should ever have to bear.

The rest of the evening goes by in a blur. His grandmother carries him inside, tries and fails to get him to eat, then tucks him into bed. Seungmin lies on his back with his hands folded together over his chest, head lolled to the side so he can look out the window. The moon shines bright, illuminating the room and casting shadows against the pale blue walls.

Seungmin’s always been scared of the dark, and his nightlight is still plugged into the wall of the bedroom at his father’s house. Maybe the moonlight is his mother’s way of watching over him, her way of letting him know she’s still there to protect him.

Maybe it’s because part of him knew it was coming, and she did her best to prepare him for it. Maybe it’s because he’s too tired to do much of anything. Maybe he’s already wept all his tears away. Whatever the reason, Seungmin doesn’t cry anymore.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

When Seungmin wakes up and heads down to the living room to watch morning cartoons, he’s stunned to see his father sitting on the couch with his grandmother. The room is incredibly tense, only getting worse when both of them abruptly stop talking upon noticing him standing at the foot of the stairs.

Seungmin studies their expressions. His father looks incredibly frustrated, while his grandmother remains completely unreadable. A small pit begins to form in his stomach, making him feel queasy.

“Good morning, dear. Are you hungry? Do you want Grandma to make you something to eat?” She asks with a soft smile. Seungmin shakes his head, knowing he won’t be able to stomach anything.

Mr. Kim doesn’t say anything, just regards his son with bitter resentment. Seungmin feels small under his harsh gaze, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.

“Would you like to go watch some TV in my bed, honey?” Grandma Kim offers, standing and approaching him with her hand held out. He takes it and nods, allowing her to begin leading him away.

When he looks over his shoulder, his father is shaking his head in irritation.

Once he’s settled under her heavy quilt, remote in hand, his grandmother leaves the room and shuts the door with a soft click. He leans against the headboard, lazily clicking through channels for a bit before settling on Cartoon Network and dropping the remote beside him.

He has to turn the volume up twice to drown out the shouting match happening behind the wall. They’re arguing about him, and there are things he hears that are undoubtedly not meant for his ears, things that immediately burn themselves into his brain. Words he’ll never forget, that he’ll carry on his shoulders for the rest of his life.

In short, Mr. Kim thinks his son is broken. A waste of time and energy. ‘How could such a life-sucking leech be the product of such a beautiful, giving woman?’ He’d said.

“The kid won’t even fucking talk, Mom! It’s been weeks and I haven’t heard a single word out of him!”

“You know damn well the doctor-”

“The doctor made that shit up so we’d put him in therapy and line his goddamn pockets. It’s all a fucking scam, wake up!”

The doctor in question diagnosed Seungmin with something called ‘selective mutism’ five weeks before the funeral. Three weeks before his mother passed. It’s an anxiety disorder. His father didn’t take the news well in the slightest and did everything he could think of to force Seungmin to talk.

Yelling, threatening, punishing. Mr. Kim was desperate to ‘fix’ his son. For free, that is. What his father failed to realize was that Seungmin did talk. A lot. Just not to him. The only person Seungmin would speak to was his mother.

The sound of a door slamming reverberates through the house, frightening Seungmin so badly that his whole body instinctively curls up. He only relaxes when his grandmother comes to sit with him.

“Hi, my Minnie. You’re gonna be staying with Grandma for a bit, is that alright?”

Seungmin presses his lips together, mulling it over in his head before nodding. He’d much rather stay with her than be anywhere near his father.

“Here, let’s watch something together.” She hums, wrapping an arm around him and tugging him close. They watch his favorite show for the rest of the morning.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

The next time Seungmin sees Mr. Kim, it’s in the lobby of a courthouse. His father doesn’t greet Seungmin when he approaches, doesn’t even spare a glance. He’s busy talking to an older man with gray hair and tiny glasses perched on his nose. There’s a manila folder tucked under his arm.

Normally, a child would immediately attempt to cling to their father if they hadn’t seen him in over two weeks, but Seungmin feels no such urge. He didn’t miss the man, and being in front of him doesn’t incite any feelings other than nervousness.

All the adults walking around the lobby are dressed up, similarly to how Seungmin’s mother used to dress for work. Button-up shirts, slacks, pencil skirts, and nice shoes. He feels a little out of place, with dirt-stained khaki shorts, a striped blue t-shirt ripping slightly at the neck, and a pair of light-up velcro Sketchers that don’t even work. Grandma had promised to take him shopping for a new wardrobe soon.

Grandma Kim has a firm hold of his hand, tugging him along as a woman in an ironed skirt and dark blue blouse leads them down a corridor. Seungmin watches her ponytail wave back and forth, wondering what they’re doing here in the first place.

Whatever it is, it can’t be pleasant, if the look on Grandma Kim’s face is anything to go by. The room they settle into smells like fresh paper and ink. All the furniture is brown, constructed of glossy wood, and there’s a podium at the front of it. Grandma Kim sits him down on an uncomfortable wooden chair by the door and takes her seat at the conference table across from Mr. Kim.

It’s hard to follow the conversation once his father’s friend starts talking, so Seungmin just zones out, swinging his legs back and forth as he counts the ceiling tiles and wonders how the next episode of Sailor Moon will go. Every so often, Mr. Kim sends him annoyed glances, and once even snaps at him to stop fidgeting so much. Despite his grandmother coming to his defense, Seungmin sits as still as a rock for the remainder of the session.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

After watching his father and grandmother sign papers for what felt like hours, they were finally led back out to the lobby. The questions swimming around in Seungmin’s head remain unanswered, mostly because he hadn’t asked them out loud and doesn’t plan to.

Seungmin and his father meet eyes for a moment, and something intense flashes across the man’s face. Mr. Kim inhales deeply, his eyelids sliding shut for a few long seconds, before he gives Seungmin a curt nod and walks away.

Grandma Kim scoffs, muttering a few foul words under her breath before squeezing her grandson’s hand reassuringly.

Mr. Kim pushes past the large double doors of the courthouse without looking back. That’s the last time Seungmin sees him.

Later in life, he learns the reason for that meeting. His father signed away his parental rights to his grandmother, absolving himself of all responsibility. If Seungmin and his father were a little closer, or close at all, he might’ve been hurt by that discovery.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

With his earbuds secured in his ears, Seungmin leans his head against the bus window, eyes closed and fingers messing with the strings of his hoodie. His favorite song is playing: You Were Beautiful by Day6.

지금 이 말이 [What I’m saying right now]

우리가 다시 [Doesn’t mean that]

시작하자는 건 아냐 [We’re starting up again]

그저 너의 [I’m just bringing back]

남아있던 기억들이 [The remaining]

떠올랐을 뿐이야 [Memories of you]

He spends most of his time listening to music. It helps to quiet his brain. When he’s alone in his room, sometimes he’ll sing along, very quietly. One thing he inherited from his mother was her beautiful voice.

정말 하루도 빠짐없이 너는 [Without missing a single day]

사랑한다 말해줬었지 [You told me that you love me]

잠들기 전에 [Before I went to bed]

또 눈 뜨자마자 [As soon as I opened my eyes]

말해주던 너 [You told me]

생각이 나 말해보는 거야 [I remember so I’m just saying]

A soft hiss resonates from the bus as it slows to a stop in front of the high school. Seungmin sits up straight and watches as everyone files off, waiting until they’ve all disembarked before making his way off last. The brisk air nips at his neck, and he shivers and starts towards the entrance.

The interior of the school is much warmer. Seungmin contemplates shedding his gray hoodie as he makes his way to his locker, eyes trained on the linoleum floor beneath his worn Vans. The students around him loiter in the hallway, mingling with each other while they wait for the bell to ring, signaling the start of the day. Seungmin weaves through the crowd, narrowly avoiding being bumped into before arriving at his locker.

School’s never been easy for him. Not the academic part, though, funnily enough, but the social part. He’s never had trouble with the curriculum or the coursework. He’s had a steady streak of straight A’s since 4th grade; there’s no question that he’s a gifted student. Sadly, none of this translates to people skills, which he lacks severely, considering the whole mute thing he’s got going on.

Nobody understands it, either, and people don’t like what they don’t understand. It’s not really like people in his age group to try to understand, which leaves him kind of helpless. At first, it’s an interesting quirk that people want to know more about, but once the novelty has worn off, it becomes an inconvenience to them. He becomes an inconvenience to them.

When Seungmin was a bit younger, kids would sometimes come along and get this idea in their head that they could ‘fix’ him, convinced that he’d miraculously be cured if they were friendly enough. He was always a project, a challenge, a game to win.

Seungmin stopped expecting much of anything from anyone a while ago. He learned early in life that people don’t tend to stick around for long after realizing how difficult it is to talk to someone who won’t (can’t) talk back.

His first class of the day is history with Mr. Jung, a teacher on the younger side who always seems to have a bit too much energy in the morning. Seungmin suspects it to be the fault of whatever’s in his comically large thermos. He greets each student with enthusiasm as they walk through the door to his classroom, addressing each by name and following with a compliment.

“Good morning, Seungmin. Your hair looks nice today!” He says, Seungmin dips his head in silent gratitude, subconsciously running his hands through the wavy brown locks as he shuffles down the aisle to take his seat by the window.

He tugs his earbuds out and wraps them around his phone, then shoves it into his hoodie pocket and leans forward to rest his elbow on the desk. With his chin in hand, he focuses on the trees outside.

The murmur of his peers comes to a stop once the bell rings and Mr. Jung begins the lesson. He hardly pays any attention, figuring he can just read the textbook when he gets home rather than listen to the teacher’s lame attempts at keeping his students engaged.

His following classes aren’t much different. He sits in the back, sometimes daydreaming or scribbling notes out of boredom, struggling to stay awake. The teachers never call on him to answer questions, and some don’t even bother acknowledging his existence. He’s fine with that.

The only staff member he talks to is Mr. Lee, the director of the Special Education department. He takes care of all the accommodations for disabled students, and he’s Deaf himself. Mr. Lee has been a consistent supporter in Seungmin’s academic life. He’s the one who taught him sign language, which is their primary method of communication.

Every Friday, Seungmin hangs back after school to help Mr. Lee with his end-of-day duties, whatever they may be. Sometimes it’s just cleaning the classroom, other times it’s putting activities and assignments together for the next day. More often than not, they just sit together while Mr. Lee shows him photos of his three cats, Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. Seungmin looks forward to those Friday afternoons; he enjoys helping Mr. Lee out in any way he can. It’s a way to express his gratitude for all the support and kindness the man has shown him.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

The cafeteria is bustling with hungry teenagers, chattering loudly as they dig into disgusting food dumped on melamine trays. Seungmin is listening to music, a textbook lying on the table in front of him. He’s tucked away in the corner, a ton of empty seats between him and the group closest to him.

In his hand is an unopened bottle of apple juice from the vending machine. It’s cold against his skin as he reads over the ingredients, having lost interest in the trigonometry formulas he’s meant to be memorizing.

In his peripheral vision, he notices someone approaching him. He doesn’t have to look up to know who it is. Dread begins to pool in his gut. Seungmin takes a deep breath, bracing himself.

A boy with long, platinum blonde hair stops right in front of him. At first glance, he looks like the human embodiment of sunshine itself, with soft brown eyes, a splatter of freckles across his cheeks, and delicate features that contrast the sharp edges of his face. He’s got a sophisticated look to him, dressed in a blue, beige, and brown argyle sweater that’s tucked into a pair of brown straight-leg pants.

If there was one word to describe his appearance, it would be angelic.

His name is Lee Yongbok Felix, the senior class president. People say he has a heart of gold and the warmth of the sun, always quick to lend a helping hand or offer his support when needed.

Unfortunately, Seungmin doesn’t have the privilege of experiencing that side of him for reasons unbeknownst to himself.

Seungmin doesn’t even get a chance to blink before the bottle of apple juice is plucked from his grasp.

“You don’t mind, right?” Felix asks, his tone dripping with condescension as he twists the cap off. He’s wearing a set of exaggerated puppy eyes and a pout, one hand coming down to rest on his hip.

Seungmin doesn’t respond, his now empty hand lowering to rest on the table, shoulders sagging. Felix tilts his head and raises his eyebrows in a taunt, as if he’s silently urging for an answer he knows he won’t receive. Still, he scoffs at Seungmin’s lack of reaction, lips tugged into a humorless smirk. Seungmin watches as Felix takes a huge gulp of the stolen drink, then rolls his eyes and saunters off.

This has been their dynamic since early freshman year, and Seungmin is utterly clueless as to how it originated. Felix doesn’t act like this with anyone else, and it stings to witness the stark difference in treatment towards him versus everyone else. Again, Felix is akin to God’s gift to Earth, or at least that’s what he is to a bunch of high school students who don’t have much to compare him to. The student body follows him like a hoard of loyal ducklings.

Felix’s influence is remarkable, so to speak. Everyone follows his lead without question, as if his word is law. So, because Felix doesn’t like Seungmin, nobody does. Because of this, Seungmin has gotten used to being lonely and everything that comes with being the one singular person in this godforsaken town that Felix dislikes.

He pretends not to notice the weird looks from his peers when he passes by them in the hall. He pretends not to hear the whispered comments about him when he’s sitting in class. He pretends he doesn’t see Felix pointing at him and laughing with his best friend, Han Jisung, when he walks through the courtyard on his way to the bus lane. He pretends that none of these things bother him, and he pretends they don’t keep him up at night, but being used to the treatment doesn’t make it hurt any less.

If Kim Seungmin had the words, he’d ask Lee Felix what he ever did to earn this inexplicable resentment.

But he doesn’t, so he remains silent and just deals with whatever the blond hands him. It’s not too bad, not bad enough to report him or anything. Even if Seungmin did report him, he doubts anything good will come of it.

He spends the rest of his lunch period in a dull haze, lost in his head. His fingers tremble where they’re resting on the edge of his textbook, and his face is hot with embarrassment. There’s a lingering feeling of unease burdening him, one he’s become all too familiar with since it returns during and after every interaction with the class president.

Much like loneliness, it’s something he’s learned to deal with.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

Once the school day has come to an end and Seungmin’s finally back in the comfort of his home, all the tension that had been building up for hours bleeds out of his muscles.

After greeting his grandmother, he drags himself up the stairs and through the door to his room, shutting it behind him and dropping his bag on the floor.

On most days, he spends the afternoon studying or doing homework, never one to slack off, but today, he just wants to relax. The room is uncomfortably silent, which doesn’t help ease his busy mind in the slightest.

Seungmin rakes a hand through his hair, sitting down at his desk and hitting the power button on his PC tower. The machine whirs, the screen of the monitor flickering to life. The computer is a slow, old thing Grandma Kim was given years ago by a friend. She’d gifted it to Seungmin when he started high school; he considers it one of his most prized possessions.

He brings his knees up to his chest, feet perched on the edge of his chair, and one hand resting on the mouse as he clicks around on the desktop, opening a few different applications. One for music, one for browsing, and one for his game. It’s an open-world sandbox game that he spends entirely too much time playing, possibly an unhealthy amount if he’s being transparent.

Returning to his save that he’s been working on for nearly two years, Seungmin breathes a sigh of relief. He immediately feels a million times better, excited to lose himself in his precious virtual world. As he works on his farm, he sings softly to himself, finding comfort in the repetitive task of harvesting and replanting his wheat seeds.

He spends hours like that, hunched over his computer without moving even an inch. It’s not until his knees start to ache that he realizes how late it’s gotten and thinks he should probably get ready for bed.

After showering, eating a bowl of cereal for dinner, and brushing his teeth, Seungmin crawls onto the mattress and deflates. The lower half of his body is stiff and sore from sitting in the same position for so long. It hurts in a good way when he stretches his legs out. The music from his computer continues to play, lulling him to sleep.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

With the morning comes sunlight that floods through Seungmin’s bedroom window. The shrill sound of his alarm has him jerking awake, immediately annoyed. With much reluctance, he forces himself to sit up, silences it, and stretches his arms above his head with a deep yawn. He sits for a few moments, enjoying the warmth on his skin from the beams cast onto him.

Still groggy, he contemplates lying back down and going right back to sleep, but the smell of breakfast ultimately coaxes him up. After wiping the crust from his eyes, he finally starts his morning routine.

Once he’s freshened up and dressed in a pair of black jeans, a t-shirt, and his favorite hoodie, Seungmin ventures down the stairs to meet his grandmother in the kitchen.

She’s already at the table, cradling a cup of coffee in her palms and gazing out into the backyard through the sliding glass door. He sits across from her, one seat to the left so as not to block her view.

She greets him with a warm smile. “Good morning, Seungminnie.”

Seungmin returns her smile, “Morning.” He says softly. She pushes a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon towards him. He accepts it gratefully and digs in. They have a dull conversation about nothing in particular. Grandma Kim talks about flower shop drama, Seungmin replies with a not-so-interesting tidbit he learned in history yesterday. They might not have the most brain-stimulating conversations, but Seungmin enjoys them nonetheless.

The majority of people have this preconceived notion of what selective mutism is and how it works. They think that someone with the disorder is completely incapable of speaking, or that it’s solely based on the environment they’re in. Which, for the record, isn’t true at all. Seungmin has no problem carrying on a conversation.

With his grandmother.

And that’s about it. He’s never felt comfortable enough with anyone else to push through the anxiety that silences him, which probably isn’t helped by assholes who assume they know everything about the way his brain works after reading one poorly constructed Twitter post written by someone with no degree.

After Grandma leaves the table to go get ready for work, Seungmin eats in silence, listening to the quiet hum of the air conditioner and the occasional chirp from the birds singing on the porch.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□□ ]

Mr. Jung, once again, welcomes his students with his usual joyful demeanor as they arrive. Seungmin remains fixated on the view beyond the window, half-listening to the conversations buzzing around him. Usually, he finds no interest in their gossip. There’s only so much to talk about when living in a boring, small town.

Although the mention of new students piques his interest. It’s rare for their school to see new students, especially so far into the year. The two girls sitting in a couple of seats away from him, Chaewon and Yeji, are invested in a discussion about it.

“Have you seen the new guys yet?” Chaewon asks. “They were walking around with Lix earlier.”

Lix–Felix–is usually put in charge of things like this, being the senior class president and all. He’s always quick to volunteer his help when presented with the option.

“I haven’t. What do they look like? Are they cute?” Yeji asks, speaking in a hushed tone as if they’re exchanging classified information.

“Well, the taller one was kinda cute, but his hair is, like, kinda long and shaggy.” Chaewon tells her in a judgey tone, “He’s also dressed a little weird, but his face makes up for it. The other one looked pretty young, and like… miserable.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes. He’s never been fond of the way people here talk about each other. Probably because he’s usually on the butt end of it.

“You think they’re brothers or something?” Yeji asks.

“Mm, they looked pretty similar, but I only saw them for like, a second. I know one of them is in our grade, though.”

For a fleeting moment, he feels a glimmer of hope at the prospect of meeting someone who has yet to form an opinion of him. There’s a slight chance of gaining a friend, or at least an acquaintance.

Seungmin shoos the idea away, abruptly coming to his senses. There’s no reason he should set himself up for disappointment; keeping his expectations low has gotten him this far. Which is–to be fair–not very far at all. Regardless, it’s silly to entertain the thought as it stands. He needs to be realistic.

[ Volume: □□□□□□□ ]

New Kid, the one who’s supposedly a senior like Seungmin himself, doesn’t make an appearance until third-period chemistry, and in the middle of the lesson, no less.

Mrs. Park is going over some formulas Seungmin is bound to forget when the door swings open. She stops mid-sentence at the interruption, looking ready to scold the offender until she realizes it’s Felix, followed by the man of the hour.

The first thing that Seungmin thinks when his eyes land on him is- well, nothing, because his mind goes completely blank. It’s almost like television static starts playing in his brain.

The boy has a striking appearance, one that commands attention. The most captivating feature that adorns his face is his vulpine eyes, framed by long, thick lashes.

“Ah! Felix, I see you’ve brought me a new pupil!” Mrs. Park exclaims, clapping her hands together excitedly.

Felix hums in affirmation. “Yup, this is-”

Mrs. Park holds a hand up to cut him off, then motions to the boy standing next to him. “Why don’t you introduce yourself, hm?” She requests. Felix narrows his eyes at her before rolling them and closing his mouth.

The boy rubs the back of his neck, the other hand shoved in his front pocket. He clears his throat, then tries an awkward smile. Seungmin thinks about what Chaewon and Yeji said about him earlier.

He does have long, shaggy hair, it’s light brown, and frames his face nicely. He’s not dressed weird at all, contrary to what Chaewon had said. He’s wearing a gray t-shirt with skulls printed on the front under a black flannel and a pair of baggy beige cargos. Sure, it's a little different than what the guys around here usually wear, but it’s not weird. Seungmin thinks he looks kind of cool.

“Uh- I’m Yang Jeongin.” He says, ending with a singular nod. Seungmin spots dimples on each side of his lips, which makes him realize he’s staring just a bit too hard.

Mrs. Park looks between him and the rest of the class, subtly gesturing for him to continue and expand, but he just fixes her with a blank look. After forcing out a chuckle, she thanks him and directs him to find an empty seat.

Seungmin catches Felix’s eye by mistake and receives a glare before the blond retreats out of the room. He sighs.

Jeongin shuffles down the aisle towards him. It’s then that Seungmin remembers that the only empty seat left is the one next to his own, and he internally winces.

He doesn’t miss the sympathetic look directed at Jeongin from Hwang Hyunjin, who sits right in front of the (now previously) vacant desk. It hurts a bit. It doesn’t sit right when people feel the need to express their pity for someone just because they’re being subject to forced proximity with the weird, mute kid.

Jeongin plops himself down right next to him with no qualms. He even gives Seungmin a nod in greeting. Seungmin mimics him, trying to ignore the nerves building up. He turns back to the window. All he can think about is how he’ll inevitably screw this up.

If given the chance, that is.

Nearing the end of the period, Mrs. Park hands out a worksheet and tells the class to work individually until the bell rings. Seungmin’s classmates are already socializing with each other instead of working on the assignment. He’s not surprised.

“What’s your name?”

It takes him a moment to realize the question is being directed at him by Jeongin. Seungmin’s head snaps up to meet Jeongin’s gaze, who’s halfway turned in his seat with one leg in the aisle and an elbow resting on his desk.

If Seungmin had the words, he’d say “My name is Kim Seungmin. It’s nice to meet you.”, but he doesn’t, so he just stares at the poor guy like a fool.

Seungmin freezes up, lips parted slightly, and his hand gripping his pencil far too tightly. He wants, more than anything, to tell Jeongin his name, but he can’t seem to force the words out of his mouth. His chest is tight, like an elephant is standing on it, and he can feel his cheeks start to burn.

Jeongin’s relaxed smile begins to twitch, and he slowly raises an eyebrow. Seungmin must look like an idiot right now. He knows he’s wearing an expression of utter fear.

Hyunjin turns, then snorts when he sees Seungmin fighting for his life.

“I wouldn’t bother. He doesn’t talk to anyone. I don’t think he’s said a word, like, ever.” He chuckles, effectively pulling Jeongin’s attention away. Seungmin is both offended and relieved.

Hyunjin is another close friend of Felix, and he’s also on the student council. Seungmin thinks he’s in charge of the treasury, but he’s not too sure.

“Oh, uhm- okay?” Jeongin casts him one last curious glance before he’s pulled into a conversation with Seungmin’s faux-savior.

Seungmin’s ears are ringing, and his face is hot from embarrassment. He lets his gaze fall back down to his desk, feeling defeated.

“I’m Hyunjin. I love your outfit.”

It’s almost like deja vu. On the first day of sophomore year, something very similar happened. Hyunjin had been the new kid, the first one in years, and he’d approached Seungmin at his locker to ask for help finding the gymnasium.

Before Seungmin could even process what he was being asked, Felix, who’d been a few feet away, swooped in, linking an arm with Hyunjin and offering to walk him there instead.

“That’s Seungmin, he won’t be any help. I’ll tell you about it later.” He’d said, smirking at Seungmin as they walked away. Hyunjin hasn’t spoken to him since, at least not directly.

He thinks about that day a lot, every time he sees them hanging out. He thinks about how maybe, if things were different, they’d call him over to join them. They’d ask him how his weekend was, and he’d tell them. They’d talk about some new show that came out, or the upcoming pep rally, or the last football game. They’d eat with him during lunch, and smile at him in the halls, and invite him to hang out after school.

Seungmin makes himself sad with stupid fantasies.

Hyunjin likes to talk about himself a lot, so Seungmin doesn’t gather much information about the new boy by listening to their conversation. There are a few small details, like how Jeongin is from a big city, he has two brothers (so the guy he was walking with earlier that morning is related to him), and how one of them is in college. He also learns that Jeongin skipped a grade and is a year younger than most of the seniors.

As for hobbies, interests, or anything like that, Seungmin’s left wondering. Part of him is irritated with Hyunjin’s inability to shut up, then he remembers that his curiosity is pretty much useless anyway.

[ Volume: ■□□□□□□□ ]

Lunch comes around, Felix and his friends sit at a table in the middle of the cafeteria, the same one they claimed during freshman year. Seungmin has a perfect view of it from his little spot in the corner, which means he has a perfect view of Jeongin sitting between Felix and Jisung. Although there’s no sign of the supposed brother Jeongin was seen with earlier in the morning.

Jisung is the captain of the school’s debate team. It’s honestly a good fit for him. Jisung is loud, argumentative, and extremely confrontational. There’s always a sort of fire behind his eyes that makes him kind of intimidating. Seungmin’s never spoken to him, obviously, and even if he had the chance to, he probably wouldn’t.

Felix is leaving him alone today, too caught up in socializing with the new addition. Seungmuin’s grateful for that. Maybe he’ll get a break from his bullshit. It gets a little tiring after a while, especially since it always brings on a spiral of unrelenting thoughts that have him questioning everything he’s ever done. Not fun.

Seungmin flips to the next page of the book he’s reading, one hand holding it flat on the table while he uses the other to hold his chin. The plot isn’t all that interesting, and he’s quite bored with it, but there’s not much else to do while he waits for the bell to ring. Besides stealing glances, of course.

Every few minutes, he finds himself peeking up at where Jeongin’s sitting. He barely notices he’s doing it until he gets caught. When they lock eyes, Seungmin expects a weird look or a scowl, but Jeongin flashes him a wide, boxy smile that leaves him feeling shocked and confused. A flutter erupts in his gut, a feeling he doesn’t recognize. He’ll surely have a crisis about that later.

Saved by the bell–literally–Seungmin quickly gathers his things and almost trips while rushing to leave. He’s silently kicking himself for staring like a creep, knowing it won’t help his already sour reputation as the town freak.

[ Volume: ■□□□□□□□ ]

In addition to his third-period Chemistry, Jeongin ends up being in Seungmin’s fifth-period Trigonometry and his seventh-period English. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t try to talk to Seungmin again, even when he ends up sitting next to him in English. He does smile at him, though, and Seungmin doesn’t know how to rationalize it.

For the rest of the school day, during his time in Mr. Lee’s room, and all the way home, it’s all Seungmin can think about. It’s like the image of that dimpled grin is burned into his eyelids, and he sees it every time he closes his eyes. It makes him feel off, a little nervous. Maybe a little warm.

Seungmin is so caught up in his mind spiral that he almost forgets to greet Grandma Kim when he arrives home, and she doesn’t miss it. She immediately insists they have dinner together, something they don’t often do because of conflicting schedules.

“What’s got you so distracted, dear?” She asks, piling food onto the plate in front of him.

Seungmin bites his tongue, contemplating whether or not to tell her. It’s kind of stupid in his opinion. It’s not like he and Jeongin were able to have an actual conversation. They didn’t even have a real interaction, so he doesn’t know why he’s so worked up about the boy’s presence. Is he even ‘worked up’?

“I dunno,” he mumbles, pushing vegetables around his plate with his fork. This isn’t a satisfactory answer for her. Grandma Kim fixes him with a stern look, one eyebrow raised. He sighs and continues. “There’s a new guy in a couple of my classes.”

She’s quiet for a moment, then nods. “Okay, how do you… feel about that?” She approaches carefully, shifting in her chair.

“Uhm…” He’s not sure how he feels about it, really, or how he’s supposed to feel. “He smiles at me a lot,” is what he decides to go with.

“Isn’t that good?”

“It won’t last long.” He grumbles.

“You never know, Minnie, maybe-”

“Grandma.” He weakly interrupts, and she sighs, relenting.

She’s fully aware of his experiences growing up with his disorder, especially in a small town like this. He used to come home and cry about it for hours, pleading to know why he couldn’t just be normal. He wanted to talk to people, he wanted to make friends, but he just couldn’t.

When she first took him in after the funeral, it was a few weeks before he’d even talk to her, and she was incredibly patient with him. Even then, it wasn’t full conversations, which makes the whole idea of befriending Jeongin seem all the more unrealistic.

He helps clean up after dinner and immediately retreats upstairs, ready to start his bedtime routine despite it still being early evening. He doesn’t feel like working on his homework, and gaming doesn’t sound appealing. All he wants to do is curl up on his bed, hide under the covers, and wallow.

After standing in the shower long enough to prune everywhere, Seungmin gets dressed in his pajamas and crawls into bed, not even bothering to dry his hair.

[ Volume: ■□□□□□□□ ]

The next few days pass. Nothing interesting happens. Felix bumps Seungmin’s shoulder in the hall as he’s walking by, and sends him dirty looks during fourth-period Geography, but all that is normal. The only change is that he hasn’t bothered him during lunch in a while, but Seungmin should be grateful for that, right?

Jeongin seems to be adjusting well, from what Seungmin can tell, and he’s getting along great with all of Felix’s friends. He and Hyunjin seem to never run out of things to talk about, even though they don’t have much in common.

From eavesdropping, Seungmin continues to learn more about him. Funnily enough, Jeongin shares a lot of Seungmin’s interests. They enjoy some of the same music (although Seungmin’s disappointed that DAY6 hasn’t been mentioned yet), TV shows, and even a couple of video games. Seungmin can’t decide whether that makes him feel better or worse, knowing he could be friends with Jeongin if he could just get over his anxiety and talk to him.

Jeongin continues to greet him and smile at him every time they see each other, too. He’ll say good morning when he passes by Seungmin at his locker on the way to first period. He’ll smile and nod at Seungmin when he walks into third-period chemistry. He’ll wave at him during lunch.

It’s weird.

What’s weirder is how Seungmin’s stomach flips every single time. He tells himself it’s just because he’s not used to being acknowledged by anyone other than Felix, and well… Felix is Felix.

It’s not much more than non-verbal gestures, at least in the beginning.

After maybe a week, Jeongin starts talking to him. Like actually talking to him.

The first time is in third-period Chemistry.

“Hey, Seungmin, right? What’d you get for number three?” He whispers, poking Seungmin’s arm with the butt of his pencil.

Seungmin startles, earning an apologetic look. He looks up to make sure the teacher’s distracted and slides his paper to the edge of the desk, pointing at the filled-in answer box.

“Sick. Thanks, bro.” Jeongin hums, quickly jotting it down on his paper before leaning back in his seat. Seungmin nods and continues with his work.

The interaction lasted maybe 10 seconds, but it replays in Seungmin’s head over and over.

Until it happens again, this time in fifth-period Trigonometry.

He doesn’t even sit near Seungmin in this class, but he stops in front of Seungmin’s desk on the way to his own. “Hey, Seungmin, I lost my pencil. Do you have one I could borrow?”

Seungmin hands him the one he’s using and digs another one out of his backpack for himself.

“Appreciate it.” Jeongin grins, continuing to his seat.

It leaves Seungmin a little dumbfounded, because surely he could’ve asked literally anyone else, like someone who sits next to him. But he asked Seungmin.

Then in seventh-period English.

They sit next to each other in this class, and their desks are connected. It was the only empty seat, vacant for the same reason as the one in Chemistry was.

When the teacher tells them to pull out their textbooks, Jeongin turns to him with a sheepish expression.

“I don’t have a book yet. Can we share yours?”

Seungmin has no reason to say no, so he nods, flipping open to the directed page.

“Hey, Jeongin, you can share with me!” Jisung, from across the room, chirps, trying to wave him over, but Jeongin doesn’t move.

“Why? I’m already sitting next to him,” He points at Seungmin, “And he said it wasn’t an issue.”

“He said that?” Jisung snorts. Jeongin furrows his eyebrows. It doesn’t look like he found the joke funny.

“Uh, yeah?” He says, like he’s confused by the question.

Jisung, after failing to receive his desired reaction, just shakes his head.

Seungmin slides the book over so it’s in between them, his hands trembling slightly.

Jeongin scoots closer, until their shoulders are just barely touching. It takes everything in him not to jerk away. “You’re a lifesaver.”

Seungmin tries his best to avoid thinking about how he definitely saw the teacher give Jeongin a textbook a couple of days before. He's vibrating in his skin, trying to swallow the ball in his throat.

[ Volume: ■□□□□□□□ ]

Sunbeams reflect off the dewy grass, and the ground is damp under his knees. It’s early. The birds are singing. The sky is a colorful painting of orange and purple and pink. In his hands is a bouquet of blue orchids, her favorite.

He doesn’t visit as often as he should, or even as often as he’d like to. It’s painful, it hurts to come talk with her, talk for hours, when she can’t respond. He won’t stop, though, even if it kills him a little more each time he sits in front of her headstone, hoping she can at least hear him from up there. Wherever she is.

A shiver runs down his back following a gust of wind against his bare neck. He sets the bouquet down in front of him, then wipes his palms on his jeans.

“Hi, Mom.” He croaks, followed by a cough to clear his throat. “I miss you.”

He doesn’t always have much to say when he comes around, and he spends his time with her in silence, reading or sunbathing. He always comes early in the morning, that way the yard is relatively empty.

“Uh- well,” He always feels a little silly speaking to her, “There’s a new guy at school, he’s in a few of my classes.”

Sometimes he likes to imagine they’re back in that hospital room, him sitting at the side of her bed with her hands in his own. When he closes his eyes, he can still see her soft, loving gaze, doing her best to comfort him even though she’s in so much pain herself.

“His name is Y-Yang Jeongin,” He continues, his hands curling into fists on his thighs. He looks up at the sky and takes a deep, shaky breath. He doesn’t want to cry in front of her right now. He did enough of that when she was alive. “He uh- he seems nice, Mom. He keeps smiling at me, and he talks to me sometimes.”

She’s heard all about Felix, Hyunjin, and Jisung. She’s heard about Mr. Lee and how he learned sign language from him. She’s heard about the new songs he’s discovered and the books he’s read. He tells her everything.

“He likes the same things I do, y’know? I think we’d get along. I just wish-” His voice cracks, and it feels like there’s something lodged in his throat. It’s similar to the feeling you get after dry-swallowing a pill. Tears well up in his eyes, and he tries to blink them away. “I wish I could just talk to him, Mama. I feel li- like we could be friends. I ha-hate that- I hate that the words just won’t come out .”

He chokes back a sob, his head falling forward limply. He uses one hand to roughly wipe his face, frustrated with himself. He didn’t want to cry.

In his head, the daydream he’s conjured, she takes her hand and runs it through his hair, trying to soothe him. She tells him everything will turn out okay, and that he needn’t cry. She wipes her thumb under his eyes, holds his cheeks in her palms, and whispers comforting words to him.

Maybe she’d give him advice, she’d tell him how to approach Jeongin, how to breach that unfamiliar territory, how to work up the nerve. She’d always been a problem solver.

But she can’t do any of those things. She’s not here. So Seungmin has to figure it out himself, like he’s done with all of his problems since she left. Sure, Grandma Kim has always offered her unconditional love and support, but there are just some things she can’t fix. One of those things being Seungmin himself.

“I’m sorry, Mama.” He says with a forced laugh, “I probably look like a huge crybaby right now, huh?”

She’d disagree.

★

The tension in the room is so thick it could be cut with a spoon. It’s warm, too, probably because of all the bodies packed into such a small space. The fluorescent lighting is headache-inducing, and so is the heated bickering going on around him.

He’s mostly been tuning it out, not having much to add to the conversation. Not that the adults would appreciate it anyway. It’s far from the first time he’s been stuck in a situation like this. He knows his best bet is sitting quietly with his hands in his lap like a good, well-behaved-

“Your son is an animal.”

Pause, rewind. What?

Jeongin’s head snaps up to look at the woman in disbelief, completely offended. Her son, Kang Seungwoo, who’s sitting across the room, snickers at his reaction. Jeongin’s blood is immediately boiling, fists clenched tight.

“Well, your son is a bully!” Ms. Yang retorts, her hands placed on both of Jeongin’s shoulders.

“How dare you accuse my child of such a thing? My Seungwoo is a respectable young man.” Mrs. Kang squawks. Jeongin can feel his mother’s grip tightening. He tries to shake her off, but she doesn’t budge. She’s too angry.

Seungwoo, with dried blood on his upper lip and a swollen eye, nods innocently. He leans into Mrs. Kang’s side, really playing up his injured puppy act. Jeongin stews. He should’ve knocked the fucker out.

They’re only stuck here because of Seungwoo anyway, because the kid doesn’t know how to keep his goddamn mouth shut. Jeongin was only doing what he thought was right, standing up for his little brother.

“Ms. Yang, this isn’t Jeongin’s first offense.” The principal cuts in, hands folded on his desk with a stern expression on his face. “I’m afraid I cannot sweep this one under the rug like I have with incidents in the past.”

Jeongin’s stomach drops, already knowing where this is leading. He’ll probably get another referral, maybe a few days of ISS. He looks up at his mom with wide, fearful eyes. She’s going to kill him. Ms. Yang stares at the man with her mouth agape, her fingers digging into the meat of Jeongin’s shoulders.

“What-” She looks between Mrs. Kang and the principal, “What does that mean?”

“After careful consideration and review of multiple incidents, it has been determined that-”

“You can’t be serious.” She tries to interrupt, but he continues over her.

“-Jeongin’s actions have violated our school's code of conduct to such an extent that we have had to make the difficult decision to expel him from our institution.”

Jeongin’s blood runs cold. Expelled. He’s being expelled for protecting his little brother. He expected a few detentions, maybe a suspension at most, but expulsion?

The principal drones on, reciting his practiced speech. “This decision was not made lightly. Our priority has always been the safety and well-being of all our students-”

“That’s bullshit!” Jeongin snaps, standing up and pointing a finger at him. His mother tries to drag him back down into his seat, but he jerks away, unrelenting. “Seungwoo’s been tormenting Jaehyun for fucking months, and you haven’t done fuck-all about it!”

“Mr. Yang, watch your language-”

“No! You claim to care about the ‘safety’ and ‘well-being’ of all students, but my disabled brother has been getting shit from that fuckhead-” He jabs a thumb in Seungwoo’s direction, “-for months with nobody stepping in to help him. You’re expelling me for finally doing your job and defending him?”

“You put your hands on another student, Jeongin.” The principal retorts, maintaining his stony demeanor.

Jeongin scoffs, shaking his head. “This is insane. You’re all fucking pathetic. Especially you, Seungwoo. Go fuck yourself.”

Mrs. Kang gasps, holding a hand over her heart like Jeongin had just cursed her and her family for generations to come. He rolls his eyes and storms out of the office, ignoring his mother’s demands to come back.

“Fucking ridiculous.” He mumbles, his footsteps not faltering once as he makes his way out to his mom’s car. It’s still locked, so he has to wait, leaning against the hood, until she finally joins him in the parking lot. She doesn’t utter a single word.

★

The ride home was almost as suffocating as the principal's office, but it’s no match for dinner that night.

His mother sits at the head of the table, elbows resting on it with her hands clasped together in front of her face. Her eyes are shut, and Jeongin can see her jaw clenching.

She’s pissed.

“Mom, I’m sor-”

She jerks her head to the side, a silent way of telling him to shut up. He slumps back in his seat, defeated. Jaehyun is completely lost, casting curious glances at both of them while he eats his meal.

The youngest Yang wasn’t present for the meeting at school, and Jeongin’s pretty sure he’s completely unaware of the little spat he and Seungwoo had that morning. Jeongin doesn’t like keeping him in the dark, especially when the situation directly involves him, but he knows he should keep his mouth shut until his mother cools down.

After 15 minutes of painful silence, Ms. Yang takes a deep breath and clears her throat. She taps the table to get Jaehyun’s attention.

“Your brother got in trouble at school today.” She says while signing to him, Jaehyun whips his head to look at Jeongin, worried. Jeongin points at his mom, urging him to pay attention. “He got into a fight.”

Jaehyun’s worried expression morphs into an excited one, a huge grin splitting across his face. “Really? Did he win?” He signs, looking proud. Of course he’d find amusement in something like this.

Ms. Yang scowls. “He’s been expelled, Jaehyun. Seungwoo’s mom complained to the school. Jeongin got expelled.”

Jaehyun goes white, all the joy immediately sucked out of him. Jeongin resists the urge to snort at the look on his brother’s face, knowing he shouldn’t find any part of this situation funny.

“He beat up Seungwoo? Why?” Jaehyun asks, now looking confused.

Ms. Yang purses her lips, disappointment coloring her features.

Jaehyun turns to Jeongin, eyebrows furrowed. “Because of me?”

Jeongin sighs, looking away. The confusion quickly morphs into anger. Jaehyun abruptly stands from the table, storming off to his room. His mother flinches at the sound of their bedroom door slamming.

Things haven’t been easy for the youngest Yang, and situations like this don’t help. He has a hard enough time navigating through life as someone who’s disabled, so being the target of some moron with empathy issues only adds to the growing pile of problems Jaehyun has to deal with.

Jeongin tries his best to be there for his little brother when he can and however he can. It’s difficult to do that, though, when Jaehyun insists on being able to handle himself. He hates when people insert themselves into his life and try to ‘help’ him, or when they make decisions on his behalf, assuming they know what’s best for him.

A lot of people don’t know how to act with or treat someone who’s Deaf, and they tend to infantilize him or assume he’s completely helpless. It’s irritating, and it’s almost like they’re only seeing him for his disability. Instead of Yang Jaehyun, he’s ‘that Deaf kid’.

He doesn’t need Jeongin to defend him. He doesn’t want Jeongin to get in trouble for him. Jeongin knows that, but what was Jeongin supposed to do when he saw Seungwoo making fun of his little brother with his group of asshole friends? What was he supposed to do when he heard Seungwoo calling his little brother slurs and mocking him? Let it go? Just walk away? Tell a trusted adult?

Yeah, probably. Maybe he wouldn’t have been expelled if he had reigned in his anger a little bit.

But he didn’t. Sue him, whatever. Jaehyun will probably get over it.

★

Jaehyun refuses to talk to him for two weeks, completely ignoring his existence, which is a bit awkward considering they share a bedroom. Jeongin has apologized at least one hundred times, but only on the one hundred and first does Jaehyun finally crack.

“I’m just upset that you got in trouble because of me, you know I hate when you do shit like that,” Jaehyun tells him, legs folded underneath him where he’s sitting on his bed.

“I didn’t get in trouble because of you, I got in trouble because of Seungwoo.” Jeongin corrects, resting against the headboard of his bed.

“Yeah, but now we have to go to a new school. I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault.”

Jaehyun didn’t have to switch schools. It wasn’t him who got expelled, but Ms. Yang couldn’t bear the idea of him having to deal with Seungwoo any longer, so she enrolled him and Jeongin together at the high school in the next town over.

It’ll be a change, a massive one, going from a relatively large city to such a small town, but they don’t have much of a choice. The commute will be a bit longer, and none of the Yangs are happy about that. It’s going to be hell for Ms. Yang’s wallet, having to pay for so much gas just to get her sons to and from.

Jeongin’s already planning on getting a weekend job to help her out. It’s the least he can do after basically causing this whole mess.

“It’s not your fault, bro. Besides, everything will work out.” Jeongin assures, but Jaehyun huffs, rolling his eyes.

Jeongin decides to drop it for the time being. His little brother is very obviously done with the conversation.

★

The first person the Yang brothers meet at their new school is Lee Felix, a boy who has far too much energy and a voice deeper than the Mariana Trench. Jeongin’s a little put off by his immediate enthusiasm and intense vibe. It nearly comes off as disingenuous. Who the hell can stand to be this perky at 7:00 in the morning? He keeps that thought to himself as Felix drags them around on a tour of the building.

“We haven’t had a new kid in so long,” The blond says, grinning from ear to ear, “And now we have two!”

Jaehyun’s too busy scanning his surroundings to acknowledge him. When Jeongin first explained to Felix that his little brother is Deaf, Felix didn’t seem to know what to say. He just froze in place, looking a little… uncomfortable? Nervous? Jeongin couldn’t get a read.

They’re both pretty used to that kind of reaction, so Jeongin assured him that he’ll play interpreter until Jaehyun’s appointed one can take over, and that seemed to settle Felix’s nerves.

“We don’t have many classes together, but I can still come and escort you around for the day.” Felix offers, but Jeongin shakes his head.

“I don’t need all that, I can figure it out.” He says, looking over the schedule in his hand. The building is a third of the size of his old school, so it can’t be too hard to navigate.

“Well, if you get lost or have any questions, you can come find me!”

Jeongin nods, giving him a tight smile. It’s too early for all the uppity-ness.

Even so, he behaves. He keeps his mouth shut as Felix drones on and on about anything and everything, most of which Jeongin couldn’t care less about. He is cool with missing the first two periods of school, though, so there’s at least been one upside to following the class president around like a lost puppy.

Eventually, Jaehyun’s interpreter meets up with them, and they split up, concluding the tour. Jeongin is brought to his third-period class and is forced to endure an uncomfortable introduction.

“Uh- I’m Yang Jeongin.” He says, internally cringing at how awkward he sounds. The teacher tries to get him to continue, but there’s not a snowball's chance in hell he’s doing that, so he keeps his mouth shut.

He hates having all these eyes on him, so when Mrs. Park finally takes the hint and lets him go, he easily obliges and hastily finds the one empty seat to settle into. It’s in the back of the classroom, right behind a tall blond guy.

What’s with all the blonds? He passively thinks to himself.

To his left is a boy with brown hair wearing a hoodie that's maybe a size or two too big for him. Jeongin nods at him as he sits down, and the boy jerkily nods back, then immediately turns to look back out the window. Jeongin cocks an eyebrow but doesn’t think about it too hard.

Later, when they’re meant to be working on some worksheet, he asks the boy his name, to which he receives a look of horror as the kid stares at him like a gaping fish.

“I wouldn’t bother. He doesn’t talk to anyone. I don’t think he’s said a word, like, ever.” The blond in front of him says with mirth.

Jeongin’s gaze flicks over to him.

“Oh, uhm- okay?” Jeongin blinks, glancing at the nameless guy one last time before turning to face forward.

“I’m Hyunjin. I love your outfit.” The blond beams.

Jeongin furrows his eyebrows and looks down at himself. It’s nothing special, just random pieces he pulled out of his clean laundry basket.

“Thanks, bro.”

He can’t help but find it a little odd, the way Hyunjin spoke about the guy as if he weren’t sitting right there. On any other day, he’d have put a little more effort into getting an answer out of him and ignored Hyunjin, but he didn’t want to look like a prick on his first day.

He listens to Hyunjin talk and talk and talk, mostly about himself, until the end of the period. Then he lets Hyunjin walk him to his next class, one they share, and listens to him talk some more. It’s not until lunch that the guy finally shuts the fuck up, much to Jeongin’s relief.

That relief lasts about 3 seconds, because he then meets Han Jisung, arguably ten times worse than Hyunjin. Yeah, Hyunjin was chatty, but at least he kept his voice at an acceptable volume. Jisung almost blew his eardrum within 5 minutes of them sitting together.

As for what he’s yapping about? Jeongin hasn’t the slightest clue. He zoned out after the first groan-inducing dad joke. It all goes in one ear and out the other, a whole lot of nonsense he’s not remotely interested in.

The only thing Jeongin cares even a smidge about is the boy who keeps looking at him from across the cafeteria. The same one from Chemistry, the one whose name he hasn’t learned yet. He’s sitting alone, and instead of eating lunch, he’s reading.

Jeongin nudges Felix, then juts his chin in the boy’s general direction.

“Who’s that?”

Felix follows his gaze, then scrunches his nose in disgust when it lands on the intended target.

“Oh.” He sniffs, “That’s just Seungmin.”

Jeongin almost gets whiplash from the sudden, drastic change in Felix’s demeanor. He went from peppy and giddy to bitter within seconds.

“Seungmin,” Jeongin repeats.

“Yeah, he’s nobody important,” Felix mumbles, returning to his conversation with Hyunjin.

Jeongin frowns, now much more curious than he’d originally been. Seungmin has a bad rep, and he wants to know why.

[ Volume: ■□□□□□□□ ]

When Jeongin asks Jisung about it a few days later, he’s just about as much help as Jeongin expected him to be (which is not much at all). He’d cornered him in the library after eighth period, remembering that he’d mentioned going there to print off something for a project.

“Oh, I uh-” Jisung rubs the back of his neck, “He’s got some beef with Felix, I think.”

“You think? So, you don’t even know?”

Seungmin doesn’t come off as the type of person to have ‘beef’ with anyone. Jeongin can tell that much from their fleeting interactions. He kind of resembles a chihuahua with how much he shakes, always looking like he’s about to piss himself out of fear whenever Jeongin talks to him.

“All I know is that they had some kind of issue during freshman year.” Jisung hums, clicking around on one of the desktops.

“And you don’t know what happened? At all?”

Jisung shrugs, squinting at the monitor with his tongue poking between his teeth in concentration. Jeongin thinks it’s the quietest he’s been since they met.

“Well, thanks?”

Jisung makes a weird noise in acknowledgment. Jeongin just walks off, heavily unsatisfied.

He doesn’t even know why he’s so curious about it, truly. On a surface level, there’s nothing special about Seungmin, at least not at first glance, but everyone’s behavior towards him leaves Jeongin itching for answers.

Answers that nobody seems to have, which is frustrating. Hyunjin said practically the same thing Jisung did, so he’s starting to think his only way of finding out the tea is going to Felix himself. Which, judging by the way his mood drops every time he hears Seungmin’s name, might not be as simple as Jeongin hopes.

[ Volume: ■□□□□□□□ ]

Still, Jeongin’s not a pussy, so he pulls his big boy pants up and confronts the class president during lunch the next day. And he totally doesn’t stammer through the question like a loser.

Felix’s eyes immediately shift from their usual cheery gleam to completely dead and blank as soon as the words leave his mouth. It makes the hair on the back of Jeongin’s neck stand straight up, seeing him look so irritated, and kind of scary.

“Listen, he’s a prick. Okay? He thinks he’s better than everyone here, that he’s too good for this town and the people in it.” His tone is dripping with venom and resentment, “I tried to get to know him on the first day of school, right? He just stared at me, wouldn’t respond, wouldn’t tell me his name.” He clicks his tongue, folding his arms across his chest. “He doesn’t talk to anyone. I’ve never seen him try to make friends or volunteer for school events. He acts like his shit doesn’t stink, and I hate people like that.”

Jeongin nods along, casting a quick glance to where Seungmin’s sitting. He’s got his nose buried in a book, like usual.

“He treated me like I was dirt on the bottom of his shoe, can you believe that? After I tried to be nice!” Felix exasperates, “I cannot fucking stand him.”

“So…” Jeongin says carefully, “The reason everyone ignores him is because he was… mean to you on the first day of school?”

Felix glares at him, “Nobody wants to be friends with a douchebag, Jeongin.” He scoffs. Jeongin puts his hands up in surrender, mumbling a half-assed apology.

“Jeez.” He mumbles.

It’s an explanation, sure, but something doesn’t sit right with Jeongin. There has to be more to it. There’s no way that little nerd (no offense to Seungmin) could be a huge jerk in disguise. Not to make assumptions based on appearances, but c’mon.

[ Volume: ■□□□□□□□ ]

“How are you liking it so far?” Ms. Yang asks Jaehyun. They’re sitting at the dinner table once again, but this time their mother isn’t seconds away from smiting them.

“It’s alright.” Jaehyun responds with a shrug, “Not much different than my old school.”

“Are they helping you?” She signs, referring to the accommodations they’d requested for him.

He doesn’t need much, just the interpreter for the most part, but they also placed him in a study hall-type class that’s meant to make sure he stays on track with his homework and such. It’s his final class of the day, and the one Jeongin picks him up from before they start heading home.

“Yes, mom.”

Realizing she’s not going to get much more out of him, Ms. Yang redirects her attention to Jeongin.

“And you?”

“And me, what?”

She gives him a bored look. “Don’t act dumb. How have you been getting along?”

“Fine, I guess. Met a couple of people, I don’t know.”

She sucks her teeth, “Well, aren’t you two the most interesting sons on the planet?” She grumbles.

Jeongin doesn’t have much to say to that. He’s too busy crafting a meticulous plan in his head to figure out Seungmin’s evil secrets.

He figures the best way of going about this is befriending Seungmin, and that shouldn’t be too hard. Right? He’ll just start interacting with him more, maybe he’ll even try to sit with him during lunch.

Of course, Jeongin knows that it’ll probably piss Felix off, but he can’t find it in himself to give a fuck if he’s being honest. Felix is nice and all, and Jeongin’s sure he’s a great person underneath that burning hatred for Seungmin, just not his usual crowd.

[ Volume: ■■□□□□□□ ]

The plan he’s devised is just to treat Seungmin like a normal human being.

During the next week, he asks Seungmin for school supplies, shares class materials with him, and even tries to walk with him to their shared classes. He says try because someone usually drags him away once they see the two of them together.

That shit’s starting to irritate him as well, the way people treat Seungmin like he’s a tub of radioactive waste. The way Seungmin reacts somehow makes it worse, how he doesn’t seem surprised, how it seems like he’s used to it. It makes Jeongin’s stomach churn because he can see that it hurts, but Seungmin just lets it happen.

He can deal with the boy looking confused or weary when Jeongin tries to interact with him. They can work past that. What he can’t deal with is the way people try to ‘warn’ Jeongin about him, like they’re trying to save him from social suicide.

“You should be more careful about who you talk to,” Hyunjin tells him while they’re sitting in the library together for eighth-period study hall.

Jeongin blinks slowly, dragging his eyes from his textbook to look Hyunjin in the face. “What do you mean by that, Hyunjin?” He asks with a pointed tone, tilting his head to the side.

Hyunjin looks around for a moment, a little confused by the sudden change in atmosphere.

“Well, I just- y’know.” He offers, voice pitched a little higher than normal. He didn’t expect the confrontational look.

Jeongin closes his textbook, pursing his lips. “No, I uh- I don’t know.” He says, eyes narrowed. His already thin patience is ready to snap, and his annoyance is growing steadily.

“You know what I’m talking about, though.” Hyunjin persists.

Jeongin lets out a humorless laugh. “I don’t get what the issue is. What? Felix has a problem with him, so everyone has to? It’s been 3 years, Felix needs to get over it. You guys act like Seungmin murdered a kitten or something.”

Hyunjin looks scandalized by this, a hand over his chest like Jeongin just said something vulgar.

“But-”

“Nah, dude, neither you nor Jisung could even tell me what happened between them, so obviously it couldn’t have been that bad. I asked Felix about it, and he told me straight up what went down. So, why is it that neither of his best friends know? Did you just not care to ask? You just decided to blindly follow his word without question? Have you ever tried to form an opinion for yourself?”

The blond opens his mouth to speak, probably to defend himself, but Jeongin just keeps going.

“And y’know what?” He says, standing to pick up his things and get ready to go. “I think I can make my own decisions when it comes to who I talk to. I don’t need anyone’s approval.”

Jeongin shoulders his bag and storms straight out the library doors, knuckles turning white with how hard he’s gripping the strap. The bell’s about to ring, and he needs to pick Jaehyun up from his class, so he does his best to regulate his breathing. Jaehyun doesn’t need to see him all irritated lest he decide to bug him about it.

He leans against the wall next to Jaehyun’s classroom door, occupying himself with social media as people flood the halls and start making their way out of the building. A few people acknowledge him, but he doesn’t say much back. He’s still a little high-strung.

If these are the type of people to mindlessly jump on bandwagons and relinquish all freethinking just for the approval of one of their mildly popular peers, Jeongin doesn’t feel like he should be bothering with niceties anyway.

When the halls are mostly empty save for a few stragglers, Jeongin looks up from his phone, confused. It usually doesn’t take Jaehyun so long to come out, so he peers through the window into the room.

He immediately spots his little brother hunched over a desk, scribbling on a piece of paper. Jeongin frowns, reaching for the handle to open the door and call his name, but the action is aborted when he realizes there are two other people in the room.

He recognizes Mr. Lee. They’ve talked a couple of times since Jaehyun and Jeongin started attending this school. Well, not talked, because the guy’s Deaf and uses mostly sign language, but regardless. He wouldn’t be able to forget the man wearing an obnoxious tie with cats printed all over it.

The other person, though, is Seungmin. Jeongin pulls his face away from the window instinctively, not wanting to be caught watching. After a couple of seconds, though, he moves back to get another look.

Seungmin and Mr. Lee are signing to each other, and Jeongin can tell they’re talking about some sort of assignment or project. When Jeongin’s brain finally catches up to him, he processes the fact that Kim Seungmin is using sign language.

He doesn’t get the chance to mull over it because the door swings open and Jaehyun yelps, not expecting Jeongin to have been standing so close. Seungmin and Mr. Lee turn to see what happened, but Jeongin scrambles to grab Jaehyun and starts speed-walking away.

Jaehyun yanks his wrist out of Jeongin’s grip and shoves him lightly, causing Jeongin to stumble and nearly fall.

“What is your issue?” Jaehyun demands with aggressive hands, continuing towards the parking lot.

"I'll tell you later,” Jeongin answers. Normally, he’d get pissy with Jaehyun for pushing him like that, but now. He’s got bigger things on his mind.

[ Volume: ■■□□□□□□ ]

The Yang brothers’ bedroom is a safe space. Sort of. They’ve beaten the shit out of each other in this very room many times, but that’s neither here nor there. The Yang brothers’ bedroom is safe in the sense that it’s a judgment-free zone, so Jeongin can tell Jaehyun about his weird little investigation, and Jaehyun can’t call him a creep.

“You’re being a creep.”

Jeongin gasps, clutching his chest like he’d been shot. “How dare you?”

All he’d done was ask Jaehyun what he knew about Seungmin.

“I’m just saying, you seem a little overexcited.”

Okay, point made.

“Would you just tell me what you know? Is he Deaf? Hard of hearing?”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes, but the corners of his lips are tugging upward.

“He doesn’t have any hearing problems that I know of. He’s just mute.”

Mute. Mute? As in, he can’t talk? Jeongin wonders. He must be wearing his thinking face because Jaehyun waves his hands in front of him, then makes a ‘well?’ gesture.

“Have you ever talked to him?” Jeongin asks.

Jaehyun shakes his head no.

This information kind of changes a lot, possibly everything. Jeongin’s head is spinning, all of Seungmin’s weird quirks and behaviors suddenly making a little too much sense. Jeongin thinks about all the times he’s tried talking to him and gotten no response back, he thinks about how the teachers never seem to call on him, he thinks about-

Felix. Something clicks, and it’s like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over his head.

‘He just stared at me, wouldn’t respond, wouldn’t tell me his name.’

Well, no shit. All these years, Felix has been operating on the assumption that Seungmin chose to ignore him, that he chose to be an asshole, and not once did Felix entertain the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there’d been something else going on.

And wow, it must be awful to be ostracized and labeled as some awful person when you don’t have the voice to defend yourself. It must suck ass to have to deal with all the dirty looks, awful comments, and blatant cheese-touch treatment. For years.

There’s an awful, disgusting feeling blooming in Jeongin’s gut. His chest is tight, and his blood is boiling under his skin. He and Seungmin aren’t friends. They’re not close in the slightest, and yet he’s so angry on this boy’s behalf.

Jaehyun cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Are you alright?” He asks, “Why do you look constipated?”

Jeongin glares at him, giving him a ‘really?’ look. “The kids at school treat him like he has the plague because of some massive misunderstanding a couple of years ago. He’s got no friends. Nobody will talk to him. I just feel bad for him.”

Jaehyun nods in understanding, “Well, you can be his friend, can’t you?”

Yeah, he can do that. He can try to, at least. First, he needs to talk to Felix. Hopefully, he can manage that without popping a blood vessel.

[ Volume: ■■□□□□□□ ]

Jeongin makes it to school a bit earlier the following Monday to catch Felix at his locker before class. He’d been practicing what he was going to say to him in his head all weekend, but now that he’s standing in front of him, his mind is blank.

Felix fixes him with a curious, welcoming expression, a soft smile on his lips. He always seems so approachable. You can almost see the halo floating above his head.

But Jeongin knows he’s somewhat of a venus fly trap, inviting but will snap and crush you the second you trigger him. Apparently, he’s been quiet for too long, still psyching himself up, because the blond tilts his head.

“What’s up? Did you need something?” Felix asks, still rummaging through his locker.

“I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Hm?”

“It’s about Seungmin, he-”

Felix freezes, the smile wiped off his face at an almost comical speed. Jeongin can see his jaw clenching right before he slams his locker door shut. Jeongin cringes, taking a step back.

“Listen, Felix, I think there was a misunderstanding-”

Felix laughs sardonically, looking around in disbelief. “Misunderstanding? Seriously? You weren’t there, Jeongin, you don’t know anything.” Felix grits, his tone hushed so as to not attract the attention of people passing by. It’s like a flip has switched. Felix is evidently really, really sensitive.

“No, you don’t get it, he-”

“Oh, trust me, I get it.” Felix snaps, “I don’t need you trying to tell me otherwise. I’ll let it slide this time because you’re new, but seriously- just drop it.”

With that, Felix turns on his heel and stalks off, leaving Jeongin standing there with his mouth agape.

“What the fuck.” He mumbles, looking around to see if anyone else witnessed the altercation.

That is decidedly not the outcome he’d hoped for, or even expected. Felix refused to even hear him out. He could barely get a word in edgewise. It begs the question, what’s he supposed to do now?

As long as Felix continues to act the way he does towards Seungmin, nothing will change for him. Seungmin will remain an outcast. People will still see him as ‘that guy who Felix hates’. Jeongin, unfortunately, can’t do much to change that. He can’t change everyone’s mind and miraculously fix all of Seungmin’s issues. All he can do is befriend him, hang out with him, and treat him like a person.

It’s not much, but it’s a start. He doesn’t care about the possible consequences either, if people decide they don’t like him because he starts hanging out with Seungmin, so be it. They can get fucked.

Jeongin ignores Hyunjin’s prying questions and stares during the classes they share. Any time he tries to ask him about what happened that morning, he expertly changes the subject to some bullshit he knows Hyunjin can’t help but ramble about. At one point, he has Hyunjin gushing about colored pencils.

Jeongin smiles at Seungmin a few times, says hello, but it’s not until lunch that he makes his first, potentially dangerous move.

[ Volume: ■■□□□□□□ ]

With his food tray in hand, Jeongin stands up straight, squares his shoulders, and walks right past Felix’s table, much to its occupants' puzzlement. He continues walking until he’s stood in front of the ‘enemy’, who’s playing Subway Surfers on his phone and chewing on his thumb.

Jeongin clears his throat, catching the boy’s attention. Seungmin’s head snaps up, his phone clattering onto the table. He regards Jeongin with weariness, looking between him and the group of people sitting with Felix.

“Can I sit with you?” Jeongin asks.

Stupefied, Seungmin just gawks for a moment before nodding, moving his stuff out of the way so Jeongin can set his tray down.

It’s like Seungmin is unsure of what to do with himself. He just wrings his hands together anxiously as Jeongin sits and begins to eat.

Jeongin’s not going to lie, he’s also sort of freaking out. Maybe he should’ve planned ahead because he’s lost on what comes next. It’s not like Seungmin’s going to be the one to start the conversation.

Should he… try signing to him? Even though Seungmin’s not hearing impaired? He might be more comfortable with that anyway, then they’ll be on the same page.

Jeongin inhales deeply, working up all the courage he can before hesitantly signing to Seungmin.

“I saw you talking to Mr. Lee the other day when I went to pick up my brother, Jaehyun.”

Seungmin blinks rapidly, then looks absolutely stunned, jaw slack and eyes sparkling. He’s looking at Jeongin like he’d just done several backflips in a row and ended in a split.

With shaky hands, Seungmin responds.

“Your brother is Jaehyun? You know sign language?”

Jeongin beams, nodding. “He is, and I do. My whole family does.”

At that, Seungmin grins impossibly wide, sitting up straighter and buzzing with excitement. A fluttering feeling explodes in Jeongin’s chest at the sight, because it’s really, really cute. He can feel his cheeks warming, and he chuckles.

“That’s awesome, not many people here know it.” Seungmin tells him, “I learned from Mr. Lee.”

“Right, I heard you’re-” Jeongin stops himself, suddenly unsure if he should tell Seungmin what Jaehyun said.

“You heard I’m what?”

Jeongin rubs the back of his neck, not knowing how to approach it. “Jaehyun said you’re mute and that’s why you use sign.” He mutters, remembering Seungmin can hear him just fine.

Seungmin nods in confirmation, not looking offended in the slightest. Jeongin’s shoulders slump in relief.

“Felix is staring at you, you know.” Seungmin warns, subtly jutting his chin in the blond’s direction. Jeongin doesn’t even bother turning to check. He can practically feel the holes being burnt into the back of his skull.

“He’ll get over it.” He shrugs.

Albeit a little nervous, Seungmin allows Jeongin to continue the conversation. They mostly talk about Jeongin and how school’s been treating him so far. Jeongin has so many questions. There’s so much he’s itching to know, but figures he should take it slow. He doesn’t want to freak Seungmin out.

At some point, Seungmin asks why he and his family moved in the middle of the year.

“Oh, we actually uh- we didn’t move. I got kicked out of my last school for fighting a kid.” Jeongin confesses, and Seungmin’s eyebrows shoot upward in surprise.

“Really? Why?”

“He was picking on Jaehyun, calling him names and shit. Y’know how it is.”

“Wow, what a jerk. I’m sorry you got in trouble for that. That doesn’t seem fair at all.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” He sighs, then an idea pops into his head. “Hey, gimme your phone.”

Seungmin studies him for a beat but hands his phone over. Jeongin taps his number into it and texts himself, then returns it.

“There, now we can text.”

Seungmin’s ears go a little red. He smiles.

“Thank you.” He signs, slipping the device into his pocket.

They end up going back and forth about mangas they like after that, learning each other’s hobbies and such.

The bell ends their conversation prematurely, and they say their goodbyes. Jeongin feels pretty good after being able to talk to him for a bit. He leaves the cafeteria with a pep in his step and a new number in his phone.

Not even Jisung’s interrogation could put a damper on his mood.

“Why’d you sit with him during lunch instead of us?”

For some reason, Seungmin gets the ‘Voldemort’ treatment from Jisung and Hyunjin; it’s like they’re scared to even utter his name.

“I sat with Seungmin because he’s been sitting alone every day since I got here. Figured he could use a friend.”

Jisung snorts, but when Jeongin doesn’t indulge him, he frowns. “Wait, seriously? He sits alone for a reason, Innie.”

“Oh, yeah? Care to tell me that reason?” Jeongin asks with raised brows. He knows Jisung won’t be able to give him one.

“Well, he- y’know. It’s like-” He waves his hands around, gesturing wildly. “Y’know?”

“Can’t say I do, Sungie.”

“Just be careful, dude. Lix will freak on you if you keep hanging out with him.”

“Boo fucking hoo.”

Jeongin really couldn’t care less about what Felix thinks. He doesn’t need approval from anyone. If he wants to be buddy-buddy with the cheese-touch kid, that’s his prerogative.

[ Volume: ■■■□□□□□ ]

He’s a bit disappointed when he doesn’t see Seungmin at the end of the day, Jaehyun ends up telling him that it’s only on Fridays that Seungmin shows up to help Mr. Lee.

“I heard you sat with him during lunch.” Jaehyun signs with a knowing look as they’re walking up the driveway.

“I did, yeah. How’d you know that? Don’t you eat lunch in class?”

“Word travels fast when there’s only three hundred kids in a school.” Jaehyun points out, shoving Jeongin out of the way so he can get inside first. Jeongin yanks him by the backpack to beat him up the stairs.

They struggle against each other, Jaehyun grabbing Jeongin by the ankle and trying to drag him back down and jump over him while Jeongin grips the railing like his life depends on it.

“Hey! Knock it off!” Mrs. Yang yells, stomping one foot on the ground to get their attention. They both scramble to stand upright and apologize to her, then turn and start racing to their bedroom as soon as she walks into the kitchen.

Jeongin beats him by a millisecond, bursting through the door and doing a victory shout, it turns into a girlish scream when he sees his older brother lounging on his bed.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He hisses, dropping his bag. Jaehyun almost trips over it when he finally shoulders his way in.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jaehyun mimics in sign.

“What is this? Are neither of my little bro’s happy to see me? I’m hurt!” Their older brother cries, throwing his hand against his forehead like a damsel in distress.

“Dude, aren’t you supposed to be, I don’t know, at school?”

Jaehyun’s already bored with them, choosing to sit at his desk and start his homework. Jeongin shrugs his zip-up off while he waits for an answer.

The eldest Yang (who’s not actually a Yang, in the legal sense at least), Bahng Christopher Chan, is a sophomore in college. He attends the university a couple of hours away and lives on campus with his best friend, Changbin. He used to rarely visit home, but he’s been coming around a lot more since his father, Ms. Yang’s late husband, passed.

Chan’s mom is still alive, but honestly, she’s a shitty person that nobody wants to be around. Not even her own son. Chan spends his breaks with Ms. Yang instead, even now that his dad’s not around. Jeongin and Jaehyun never say anything, partly because they know it’s a sensitive subject but also because they just genuinely enjoy Chan’s company. He’s a good brother, always has been.

“I heard you got expelled, figured I’d pay a visit to see what’s up.” He shrugs, running a hand through his bleached curls.

“So you’re just here to be nosey. Got it.”

“Ah, Innie, don’t be like that. I know you missed me.” He coos.

“I know your game, Channie, you’re gonna try to give me the ‘big brother’ talk.”

Chan throws his hands up in surrender, faking offense. “What? No… I’d never .” He jokes, a dimpled smile on his face.

Jeongin throws himself onto the bed, narrowly avoiding a knee to the ribs. Chan lifts his legs and drops them over Jeongin’s back, digging a heel into his spine to tease him.

“Ah! Cut it out, dickhead.” Jeongin complains, swatting at his thigh.

“As soon as you tell me why you got kicked out.” He says in a sing-song tone, “Mom wouldn’t say, she just got all mad and told me she didn’t want to talk about it.”

Jeongin groans, burying his face in the comforter.

“I beat the shit out of Seungwoo. His mom bitched about it.” His voice is muffled by the blanket, but he’s sure Chan’ll get the idea.

“You mean that kid that’s been bugging Jae?”

Jeongin nods.

“You got expelled for that? That’s bullshit!” He exclaims, sitting up straight and folding his legs underneath him.

Jeongin props himself up on his elbows, “That’s what I said!”

“So, what now? Where are you going to school?”

“Some tiny ass hick fest the next town over.”

Chan winces at Jeongin’s tone, “That bad?”

“Dude, the people there are kinda braindead.”

“Pray tell. Satiate my curiosity.” Chan requests in a mock regal voice, Jeongin snorts.

“I’m being dramatic, they’re not all that bad. I’m just irritated with a certain group right now.”

“Oh? Gossip?” Chan shifts to lie on his stomach next to him, kicking his feet back and forth like a teenage girl reading a Teen Vogue magazine.

“You’re so stupid.” Jeongin whines, lightly punching him on the arm. “It’s dumb. There’s this kid, and he’s mute, right? Can’t talk at all, I think. Anyway, this place has some like… fucked up hierarchy thing going on where this one guy, Felix, is head honcho. People kiss his ass and worship the ground he walks on.”

“I see, I see, classic case of Regina George.” Chan hums.

Jeongin side eyes him, “Yeah, anyway, Felix hates Seungmin–the mute guy–and so everybody hates him. I wanted to know what the kid did, so I asked around, y’know?”

“I would do the same, sure. So, what’d you find out?”

“Okay, okay, so I asked Felix’s closest friends, right? They had no idea. Completely lost, couldn’t tell me shit.”

“Weird.”

“That’s what I thought, so I just asked Felix straight up. I was like ‘yo, what’s your deal with Seungmin? What he do?’ and he told me Seungmin ignored him on the first day of school.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it!”

Chan studies him as if he’s trying to figure out if he’s lying. “But… the kid’s mute.”

“He’s mute. ” Jeongin confirms.

He lets the information marinate, watching as Chan works through absorbing and making sense of it. His eyes dart around, his mouth parts slightly. “Oh wow.”

“‘Oh wow’ is right.”

“Wow, that’s kind of fucked. You uh- you’re like… talking to this kid, right?”

“Yes, I am. Well, I just started talking to him today. He knows sign language, so we’re using that.”

“I’m glad you decided to give him a chance instead of following the crowd,” Chan ruffles his hair, “he’s probably really lonely.”

“Well, I got his number. I thought about texting him.” Jeongin mumbles, digging his phone out of his pocket.

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”

“Boys!” They hear their mom shout from downstairs, “Dinner!”

Chan’s the first to get up, he taps Jaehyun and signs ‘dinner’ to him before giving both of them a mischievous look.

“Last one down washes the dishes by themselves!” He challenges, then he’s darting out the door before either of the younger Yangs can react.

[ Volume: ■■■□□□□□ ]

Chan has to go back to school the next morning, but he leaves with a promise to be back soon. Jeongin and Jaehyun pretend they’re not sad to see him go, and Chan pretends to be offended.

When he walks into third-period Chemistry and makes eye contact with Seungmin, Seungmin perks up just a bit, still shy. Jeongin waves, and maybe he walks a little faster than he usually would to get to his seat.

“Morning, Seungmin.”

“Good morning, Jeongin.”

“I listened to those songs you sent me. I liked them a lot. DAY6, right?”

Seungmin excitedly nods, fumbling around and pulling his phone out. He taps on the screen, and when he turns it, Jeongin sees a playlist. Seungmin pushes the phone forward, urging him to take it, so he does.

With his hands free, Seungmin starts signing. “I made it for you. I was only going to send it if you liked those songs, though.” He explains, looking bashful. He gently takes his phone back, and a few seconds later, Jeongin’s buzzes in his pocket.

When he opens it, there’s a message with a link to the playlist. He can’t help but smile fondly at the name, even though it’s fairly simple.

For I.N

He’s not sure where the nickname came from, but he likes it, so he doesn’t say anything.

“Thanks, Seungminnie, I’ll listen to it tonight.” He promises, and Seungmin gives him a thumbs up. “Can I eat lunch with you today?”

Seungmin frowns, shifting in his seat. For a second, Jeongin thinks he’s going to be rejected, but then he asks-

“Can we eat in the library?”

Without even thinking about it, Jeongin agrees easily. “I’ll meet you there after I grab my food from the cafeteria.”

When Hyunjin finally arrives and takes his seat, Seungmin immediately turns to look out the window. Jeongin feels a little pang in his chest.

[ Volume: ■■■■□□□□ ]

Eating lunch in the library becomes a regular thing for them. Jeongin goes to the cafeteria, grabs his food, ignores Felix, Hyunjin, and Jisung trying to wave him over, and meets Seungmin in the back corner of the library by the autobiographies.

Sometimes they talk, other times they just do their own things. It’s comfortable. They’ve also started texting almost every night. Jaehyun makes fun of him for it, claiming he looks like a fool whenever they’re messaging back and forth. He won’t expand on why either.

He listens to the playlist Seungmin made for him all the time. It’s basically on repeat. Seungmin is probably the biggest My Day ever. It’s endearing to see him fanboy over their music whenever Jeongin mentions a song of theirs. His eyes light up, and he goes on and on about their discography, excitedly rambling while Jeongin just watches.

Everything seems like it’s going well, but something’s gnawing at the back of Jeongin’s mind. They get along great, really great, and Jeongin likes spending time with Seungmin. He can’t help but notice, though, that Seungmin seems to withdraw whenever they’re not alone. They can be in the middle of discussing the latest volume of Chainsaw Man, and Seungmin will be fully engrossed, but as soon as someone else walks into the room or comes within his line of sight, Seungmin tries to find a way out.

It makes Jeongin feel weird now that he’s noticed it. Part of him thinks maybe Seungmin doesn’t want to be seen talking to him. Although that doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Not one to jump to conclusions, Jeongin resolves to just ask him about it. One of these days.

[ Volume: ■■■■□□□□ ]

Jaehyun’s interpreter ends up having a meeting during lunch, so Jeongin invites him to join him and Seungmin in the library for the period. Jaehyun’s reluctant to accept but concedes when he realizes he doesn’t want to eat in the cafeteria alone.

At their usual table, hidden away in the corner, the three of them spend the period goofing off. The librarian has to come over and shush them twice, which Jaeyhyun thinks is absolutely hilarious.

Somehow, they stumble onto the topic of video games, and Seungmin mentions his admittedly impressive accomplishments on his single-player game.

“I’ve been playing the same save for around two years now.” He brags to Jaehyun, a smug smile on his face. “I even built a castle.”

“All in survival?” Jaehyun asks with a child-like wonder that has Jeongin stifling a snicker.

Seungmin pays him no mind, nodding. “It took me forever, but it’s done.”

“I haven’t played mine in a while. I should get back into it.”

“Maybe we could play together.” Seungmin offers, and Jaehyun perks up even more that.

It somehow ends in Seungmin inviting Jeongin over to show him this ‘castle’, to which Jeongin eagerly accepts even though he’s got no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. He’s more of an FPS player himself. Sandbox games aren’t his thing.

Seungmin promises to add Jaehyun once he gets home so they can play together, and Jaehyun writes his tag on Seungmin’s arm so he doesn’t forget.

Lying in bed on his stomach, Jeongin is hunched over his phone. The screen is bright and harsh on his eyes, but he’s on a mission. Well, that’s dramatic. He’s just texting Seungmin.

Jeongin

so, can i ask u smnthn?

Seungmin

uh

yes?

Jeongin

u get all weird whenever ppl c us talkin

why?

Seungmin

oh

uhm

Jeongin

are u embarrassed of me

He means it in a joking way. Mostly.

Seungmin

omg no

its not you

i just

its complicated

Jeongin

is it?

Seungmin

well no

but its stupid

Jeongin

tell me anyway

Seungmin

ugh ok

ppl are gonna start treating u bad if they know we’re friends

i js dont want them to have a reason to do that

Jeongin stares at his phone in disbelief, that awful feeling returning to his gut. Seungmin’s willing to avoid the only person who talks to him just so Jeongin doesn’t face the same treatment Seungmin’s been dealing with for years.

It makes him angry, disappointed, and kind of hurt. He’s a little annoyed that Seungmin’s letting other people affect their friendship, but he knows his intentions are pure, so he decides not to chew him out. He will, however, put an end to it.

Jeongin

well stop doing that

seriously dude

I dont gaf abt other ppl

Seungmin

but nobody will be ur friend

Jeongin

you’ll b my friend, yeah?

Seungmin

ofc i will

Jeongin

then who cares?

id rather have 1 good friend than a bunch of fake ones

Seungmin

ok… if u say so

Something tells him Seungmin’s not fully convinced, but that’s a problem for another day. From now on, he’s not going to let Seungmin pull his little avoidance bullshit, especially now that he knows the reason behind it.

He sends a photo of a cat sleeping with the caption ‘goodnight’ and turns his phone off, tossing it on the nightstand. Outside his window, the moon is shining bright and full, beams of light casting shadows onto his floor. Jaehyun is knocked out, snoring loudly.

Jeongin flips onto his back, his brain all but quiet, flooded with too many thoughts to count. He likes hanging out with Seungmin, maybe too much.

Surely the butterflies that he feels every time Seungmin smiles at him are just because he’s excited to have a new homie. Surely the giddy feeling he gets whenever Seungmin waves to him in the hall is like… a bro thing.

Surely.

[ Volume: ■■■■■□□□ ]

Seungmin is clutching his phone so tight his fingers are turning white at the knuckle. His cheeks are flushed and warm, his heart beating a little fast. He rationalizes it by telling himself it’s just because Jeongin is his first friend. That it’s just because he’s excited about finally having someone to talk to.

But do people think about their friends 24/7? Do they get all antsy and impatient when they know they’re going to see them soon? Do they feel all sweaty and weird every time they see their boxy, dimpled smile?

How would Seungmin know? It’s not like he’s got anyone to ask. He’s not going to Grandma Kim about it, and he somehow doubts his mom will be much help. Joke. Duh.

He’d hoped he’d be able to get away with his little scheme to protect Jeongin’s reputation, but Jeongin’s sharper than he thought and confronted him head-on. He wasn’t going to lie to him. When Jeongin asked, he came clean straight away.

Instead of getting upset with him, Jeongin just told him to knock it off, that he doesn’t care if people don’t like him. Jeongin wants to prioritize their friendship over the way people see him, and that makes Seungmin feel warm inside.

Someone’s taking the time and effort to get to know him, and they’re not giving up even though the benefits do not outweigh the consequences. Seungmin wants to push back, wants to convince him it’s not a good idea, but he’s selfish. He’s so selfish.

So he decides that they’ll eat in the cafeteria from now on.

[ Volume: ■■■■■□□□ ]

“I don’t get how you can eat that stuff.” Seungmin scowls, gesturing to Jeongin’s tray of food.

They’re sitting in the cafeteria, Seungmin with his apple juice and homemade sandwich, Jeongin with whatever slop they’re serving. Jeongin was surprised that he’d chosen to meet here rather than the library, but didn’t protest. Instead, he looked pleased.

“Listen, I’m hungry.” Jeongin says through a mouth full of food. Seungmin cringes, fake gagging.

“Do you want half of my sandwich?” Seungmin offers, holding it out to him. Jeongin looks conflicted, eyes flicking between the slop and the arguably much more appetizing PB&J.

“You sure?”

Seungmin nods, pushing it into his hand. Jeongin accepts it and does a worshiping motion, earning a small chuckle.

“Praise thee, Kim Seungmin.” He hums, taking a huge bite of the sandwich, then immediately narrows his eyes. “Is this crunchy peanut butter? What is wrong with you?”

Seungmin snorts, his shoulders shaking with barely concealed laughter.

“Oh man, you’re weird. Who the fuck eats crunchy peanut butter?”

“I do, it’s really good.” Seungmin defends, pouting. Or trying to pout, he’s still got a shit eating grin on his face.

Before Jeongin can make his next jab, Seungmin’s demeanor changes. He slouches in his seat, averting his gaze to the table. Jeongin furrows his eyebrows. He’s ready to ask him what’s wrong when someone taps his shoulder.

He looks up, and Felix is standing above him. He’s wearing a tight smile that doesn’t reach past his cheeks, and he’s pointedly avoiding looking anywhere else but at Jeongin.

“What are you doing?” He asks in a cheery but strained tone, eyes wide and accusing.

“Uh, eating lunch?”

“With him?” Felix says it with barely concealed disgust, like the idea of it is appalling.

“Yeah, with him. Is that a problem?” Jeongin challenges. Seungmin is looking between them like he’s watching a tennis match.

“Why don’t you come and sit with us, alright? You haven’t had lunch with us in a while.” Felix reaches for Jeongin’s arm, but Jeongin avoids his grasp. “Jeongin.” Felix says in warning.

“No, I’m good here. I’m enjoying my conversation with Seungmin, thanks.”

Felix laughs, but it’s sarcastic. “Your conversation? Be real, he doesn’t talk. You don’t have to play make-believe because you pity him.”

Jeongin turns to Seungmin, “I’m sorry you have to deal with him. It seems exhausting.” He usually just talks, so Seungmin’s not quite sure what his goal is, but he plays along.

He casts a cautious glance in Felix’s direction before responding. “It’s alright, I’ve gotten used to it.”

When Jeongin looks at Felix again, the class president is stock still. His lips are parted, and his face has gone pale.

“I-I uh-” He stammers. “I didn’t know-”

“Didn’t know what? That he’s mute? Could that possibly be because you just assumed and never bothered to, I don’t know, ask him about it? Give him a chance to explain?” Jeongin snarks. “If I hadn’t told you my little brother is Deaf, would you have treated him the same way you treat Seungmin?”

“Of course not! I-”

“What makes you so sure? Huh? You didn’t give Seungmin the courtesy, so why would you do it for Jaehyun?”

Felix looks like he’s on the verge of tears now, eyes darting between Seungmin and Jeongin, scrambling for an excuse. He’s panicking.

“I didn’t mean-”

“Just go, Felix. Go sort yourself out and try again when you’ve managed to come up with a real apology, not that it’ll make you look like any less of a prick in my eyes.”

Felix bites his lip, looking utterly humiliated. A few others from neighboring tables have started watching, murmuring to each other. The blond rushes off, straight past his friends and out of the cafeteria.

“He didn’t know I was mute?” Seungmin asks, feeling defeated.

“Wait, you didn’t know Felix didn’t know?”

“I thought I’d done something for him to hate me.”

“He thought you were ignoring him on the first day of school, that’s the whole reason he, y’know, the reason he treats you like that.”

Seungmin presses his lips together, looking up at the ceiling. Then he snickers. Seungmin hides his face in his palms and snickers.

“Why are you laughing?”

Seungmin shakes his head, body shaking. When he pulls his hands away to respond, his face is bright red, and there are tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.

“That’s so stupid, all these years I thought I’d done something unforgivable, but he’s just-” Seungmin can’t finish the sentence before doubling over and laughing harder, which makes Jeongin laugh.

They look like a couple of idiots, devolving into giggling fits in the corner of the cafeteria.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■□□ ]

Jeongin meets him outside of his locker after eighth period, grinning like he has something planned.

“I had the best idea.” He begins. Seungmin looks at him incredulously. “Ah, don’t look at me like that, it’s nothing bad.”

“So, what is it?”

“You and I should go hit up that burger joint down the road.”

He purses his lips, thinking about it. He is kind of hungry, and it’s not like he has anything else planned. He shrugs.

“Sure, why not?”

Jeongin beams, demanding Seungmin hurry up with putting his things away so they can go. As soon as his locker’s shut, Jeongin grabs him by the wrist and starts pulling him, weaving around other students making their way out of the school.

He doesn’t let go until they’re on the sidewalk, heading in the direction of the restaurant. Seungmin pushes him lightly.

“You didn’t have to drag me.” He chides. Jeongin waves him off.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■□ ]

The burgers don’t end up being that good. Seungmin only manages half before he can’t stomach it anymore. Jeongin gladly takes it off his hands, even though he called them ‘mid’.

Seungmin watches him eat. He’s horrified when he sticks half the burger in his mouth all at once.

“You’re going to choke.” He signs frantically. Jeongin brings his hand to his throat, eyes wide, and jerks his shoulders as if he’s choking. Seungmin balls up his napkin and throws it at him.

“I’m fine, I’m not a toddler.”

“You act like one.”

“Low blow, bro.”

Seungmin snickers, taking a sip of his soda. Jeongin’s almost finished by now, which means they’ll be leaving. He’s a little sad that they’re little hangout is coming to an end so quickly.

“Hey, why don’t I come over so you can show me that castle thing you were talking about?” Jeongin offers.

Seungmin, surprised, stares at him while blinking rapidly for a moment. He should say no, he’s got homework and it’s a school night and–

“Sure, let’s go.”

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■□ ]

Yang Jeongin is standing in the middle of Seungmin’s bedroom, one hand in his pocket, the other holding the strap of his bag, and his eyes curiously scanning every inch of the space. Seungmin’s perched in his chair, watching him like a hawk, feeling insanely jittery.

“You have a lot of posters,” Jeongin notes, no judgment in his tone as he drops his bag by the foot of Seungmin’s bed and sits on the corner of it.

“I like DAY6.”

“You don’t say.” Jeongin teases light-heartedly. “I like your room, though, it’s cool.”

Seungmin presses his lips together to conceal a smile, turning to face the computer.

“Oh, right. You’re gonna show me that castle you built, right?”

Seungmin nods, clicking around on the screen and pulling up the save, trying not to show how nervous he is to have Jeongin in his bedroom. It took all his courage to allow him to come over in the first place, and he’s terrified that Jeongin will suddenly think he’s a weirdo now that he’s here.

Whether it be because of the boy band posters plastered all over the wall, the entirely too large Pokémon plush collection taking up half his bed, or the photocard binders sitting on his bookshelf, something’s bound to ick him out, right?

Surprisingly, though, Jeongin expresses interest in a lot of the random things lying around. It makes Seungmin feel a little better.

“Whoa. You’ve dedicated some time to this shit, huh?” Jeongin marvels, watching Seungmin’s character move around on the screen.

Seungmin nods, clicking the mouse to ‘point’ at different things around his base. He’s quite proud of his world, especially since the cheats are disabled, so he’s had to do everything organically.

“That’s cool as fuck, Minnie.”

Seungmin wiggles in his seat, biting the inside of his cheek while running through his farm. He takes Jeongin on a tour of the things he’s built and gathered, doing his best to maintain his composure each time Jeongin praises something he sees.

Spending time with him is nice, comfortable. In the beginning, when they first started hanging out, Seungmin drove himself crazy by overthinking every single little thing, but Jeongin’s so laid back and patient that he kind of got over it.

Jeongin doesn’t make him feel like he has to pretend to be someone he’s not just to impress him, and he hasn’t tried to pressure Seungmin to talk like people in the past have. Jeongin doesn’t treat him like a project.

He expects nothing from Seungmin, which is so refreshing. He treats Seungmin like he’s just a normal guy, which should be the bare minimum, but the bar is in hell.

He feels nervous around him, flustered too, and maybe a little sweaty, but he never feels anxious, at least not when they’re alone.

“What the hell is that?” Jeongin asks, pointing at a giant, ugly tower with a huge box on top

“A mob spawner, I use it to get experience so I can enchant my tools.” Seungmin answers, barely paying attention as he feeds wheat to his cows.

Then he feels Jeongin staring at him. Hard. When Seungmin turns to see his shocked expression, it sinks in what he just did. He spoke. Verbally.

To his credit, Jeongin clears his throat, focuses back on the game, and tries to act normal about it. Despite this, Seungmin’s face still burns bright red.

He just spoke to someone other than his grandmother. And it was so easy. The words just came out. On their own! Holy shit.

“That’s uh- that’s cool. So cool.” Jeongin’s voice cracks. He’s visibly fighting back a grin.

“Yeah, thanks.” Seungmin dares to say, and he’s even more surprised that it’s just as easy as it was the first time. He figured being conscious of it would stump him, but here he is, using his voice.

Jeongin, again, tries to be cool, but he looks like he’s on the verge of exploding.

They sit in silence for a little bit, with Seungmin letting Jeongin use the computer to explore the world while he watches over his shoulder to make sure he doesn’t mess anything up. It’s nice, but Seungmin finds himself wanting to talk some more.

“So… what’s your favorite DAY6 song?” He asks, his voice so soft it’s almost a whisper.

Jeongin hums, thinking. “I think it’d have to be ‘When you love someone’.”

“Why that one?”

Jeongin turns in the chair to face Seungmin where he’s taken a seat on the bed. It looks like he’s contemplating before finally answering, “I dunno, I guess I just connect with it.”

Something bubbles up in Seungmin’s chest, he laces his fingers together in his lap and stares at his socked feet, swinging them back and forth.

“I like that one too.” He hums, “You should listen to ‘I Like You’ as well, though.”

The corners of Jeongin’s lips twitch upwards as he nods, “Yeah, I’ll add it to the playlist you made me.”

“You still listen to that?” Seungmin inquires shyly, and Jeongin laughs.

“Of course I do, it’s some of the best music I’ve ever heard.”

Seungmin could burst, and he feels like he might with how hard his heart is thumping against his rib cage.

“I’m glad.” He whispers, chewing on his bottom lip.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Jeongin’s mom calls to request that he come home for dinner. Seungmin walks him to the door.

“I had fun, we should hang out again soon.” Jeongin says, lacing his shoes and standing.

“I had fun too, get home safe.” Seungmin grins, and the fondness in Jeongin’s eyes is enough to make him melt. Internally, of course.

“Bye, Min.” Jeongin steps out onto the front porch, readjusting his bag on his shoulder before starting down the driveway.

“Bye, Ayen.”

When he shuts the door and turns around, Grandma Kim is standing a few feet away, looking at him over her glasses with a smirk.

“What did I tell you? Hm?”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, but he’s still beaming like a fool.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

When he crawls into bed that night, Seungmin buries his face in his pillow and screams, kicking his feet for good measure. That was probably the most fun he’s ever had, and they barely even did anything besides talk about music.

Seungmin can’t even remember why he’d felt so self-conscious about Jeongin coming over. All he can think about now is how nice it was to hang out with him, and how enjoyable their evening had been.

Frankly, he's sad it's over. He's already anticipating next time. Jeongin did say they should do it again, so that means he enjoyed himself, right? Grandma Kim said he’s welcome over whenever he wants, probably because she witnessed Seungmin speaking to someone for the first time in… like, ever.

That’s another thing that’s bound to keep Seungmin up tonight. When he was alone with Jeongin, he didn’t feel that elephant standing on his chest, the one that usually keeps him from talking. It’s not like he didn’t know it was possible, but he certainly wasn’t expecting it.

Everything about Jeongin just makes him feel some type of way, something unfamiliar but welcome. Scary but compelling.

Seungmin flips over, sitting up in his bed and searching for his phone in the sheets. He navigates through his music app and queues up the song Jeongin had talked about earlier.

오늘 많이 힘들었던 하루였죠 [It was a really hard day today]

그댈 보는 내 가슴이 아리네요 [My heart aches for you]

지친 그대를 위해 해줄 수 있는 건 오로지 [The only thing I can do for you]

곁에 있어주는 것 밖에 못해 미안해요 [Is to be next to you, I’m sorry]

Seungmin stares at the ceiling as it plays, paying extra close attention to the lyrics even though he’s heard this song hundreds of times.

그댄 웃는 게 정말 예쁜 사람이라서 [You’re so pretty when you smile]

그 미소를 잃었을 때마다 [So every time you lose that smile]

내 전부를 다 줘서라도 [Even if I have to give my all]

다시 또 되돌려주고 싶어요 [I want to give it back to you]

Knowing that Jeongin chose this as his favorite song makes its listening experience a brand new one, at least for Seungmin. It sounds stupid, but it means a little more to him now. Jeongin said he felt connected to it, and Seungmin wants to know why so badly.

대신 울어주고 싶고 [I want to cry for you]

내가 대신 아파해주고 싶어요 [I want to hurt instead of you]

다신 그대의 마음에 [I don’t want any scars in your heart]

상처가 나지 않았으면 해요 [Ever again]

It starts to make sense by the third verse, if Seungmin’s reading into it correctly. It’s obvious Jeongin relates it to his brother and feeling the need to protect him. Jaehyun is the reason he got expelled from the last school. Jeongin had fought to defend him. Seungmin thinks it’s sweet. He’s such a good brother.

누군가를 넘치게 [When you love someone]

좋아한다는 건 [So much that it overflows]

참 신기하게도 [It’s so amazing]

그렇더라고요 [Because this is how it is]

He’s a good person overall. He’s kind, funny, and easy to get along with. Seungmin can’t ignore the way his stomach bursts into butterflies whenever Jeongin smiles at him, or the way his heart races when he manages to make Jeongin laugh.

내가 조금이나마 도움이 되길 원해요 [I hope I can be a little helpful at least]

그대에게 있어 난 안식처 이길 바라요 [I hope I can be your resting place]

바쁜 하루 중에도 날 떠올리면 [I’ll try to make you feel at peace]

편안해질 수 있게 노력 해볼게요 [Whenever you think of me during your busy days]

Maybe the realization should freak him out a bit more, but he’s too caught up in being ecstatic about having a normal, teenage boy experience. Seungmin has a big, fat crush. He can’t wait to tell his mom.

그댄 사실은 너무 여린 사람이라서 [You’re such a soft-hearted person]

소리 없이 아파할 때마다 [Every time you are silently in pain]

내 전부를 다 줘서라도 [Even if I have to give my all]

다시 또 웃게 해주고 싶어요 [I want to make you smile again]

And if Seungmin loops the song and plays it on repeat until he falls asleep, nobody needs to know.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

Seungmin’s glad he remembered his umbrella, because the rain’s coming down pretty steadily. He’s kneeling even though he knows he’ll be uncomfortable in his damp jeans on the way home. The light patter against the vinyl of his umbrella is soothing, like white noise.

It’s dreary, and he usually avoids coming on days like this, but he wants to tell her about this new development.

“We’re friends now.” He breathes, “Jeongin and I. He talks to me, and he sits with me during lunch. He even came over after school to hang out. We had a lot of fun.”

He doesn’t even feel like crying. He can imagine how happy she’d be if she were here to see it for herself.

“He’s a sweet guy, Mom. He told Felix off about being mean to me, too.”

He’s never had someone act so kindly towards him besides his mother and Grandma Kim. It feels like a lot.

“I think you’d like him, Mama. I know I do. Maybe more than I should.”

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

Jeongin comes over pretty regularly following the first time. He seems pretty comfortable. Grandma Kim’s taken a liking to him.

Most of the time, they don’t do anything interesting. They usually just watch anime or listen to music, but they’ve planned a movie marathon for tonight because it’s the first time Jeongin’s sleeping over.

They’ve decided to do a Tom Hanks run-through, mostly because Seungmin already owned most of the DVDs, and it was convenient. They put an embarrassing amount of effort into making a fort in the living room to watch it, too, but Grandma Kim doesn’t seem to mind, even though they made a huge mess and raided her linen closet.

They end up having to squeeze together inside the fort to fit anyway, so they’re borderline cuddling throughout the first three movies. Neither complains.

Seungmin’s done an incredible job of keeping his cool so far, despite the fact that every time they touch, it feels like an electric jolt shoots through his body. In the middle of movie four, Bachelor Party, he hears Jeongin’s stomach growling.

“Hungry?”

“Yeah, starving actually.” Jeongin responds, crawling out of the mess of blankets and stretching. At least four joints pop as he straightens his back, and Seungmin cringes.

“I think we have some leftovers.” Seungmin informs, following him out and into the kitchen.

“I have a better idea.”

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

An idea, yes. Better? Debatable. It’s almost one in the morning, and they’re sitting in a convenience store, clad in pajama pants and hoodies, scarfing down noodles.

“Are you satisfied?” Seungmin leans over to see that his bowl is essentially licked clean.

“I am.” He grins, rubbing his stomach. Seungmin rolls his eyes, pushing his bowl over for Jeongin to finish, which he does with no argument.

Of course, though, Jeongin had been lying when he said he was satisfied and they just had to get ice cream. So they get a cone each, mint chocolate chip for Seungmin and strawberry for Jeongin. They sit outside to eat it.

“You’ve got weird taste, dude. First, the crunchy peanut butter, now toothpaste ice cream?” Jeongin makes a fake gagging sound.

“Don’t be a hater.” Seungmin quips, biting a chunk out of his scoop.

“Oh, dude. What the fuck. You bite?”

“Am I supposed to lap at it like a dog until it drips all over my hand?”

“Nah. Nah, bro. You’re a psycho.” Jeongin ribs.

Seungmin shrugs, kicking his legs back and forth on the bench while chewing away. When he looks over, Jeongin is staring up at the sky. Seungmin can’t help but notice how pretty he looks under the light of the street lamp.

Jeongin catches him staring and shoots him an exaggerated wink. Seungmin elbows him so hard he almost drops his cone.

“Oh, you-” He takes his ice cream and brings it right up to Seungmin’s face, smearing it across his nose. Seungmin yelps and jerks away, gasping.

He digs a finger into his own dessert and returns the favor, dragging ice cream across Jeongin’s cheek as he struggles to avoid it.

“Wait- wait, let me-” Jeongin, cackling, digs his phone out of his pocket and holds it out in front of him. He scoots right up next to Seungmin and takes a photo of them, despite the boy’s protests.

“Now my nose is all sticky.” Seungmin complains, grabbing a handful of Jeongin’s sleeve and wiping it across his face.

“Aw, c’mon!”

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

After cleaning up the fort, Seungmin and Jeongin retreat to his bedroom, exhausted. Jeongin takes it upon himself to raid the wardrobe for something to sleep in and grabs himself one of Seungmin’s hoodies and a pair of minion pajama pants.

“These are fresh as fuck, I won’t lie.” Jeongin says, doing weird model poses after he’s put the pants on.

“Dear lord.” Seungmin mutters, but all it takes is Jeongin almost tripping over himself before they’re both bursting into laughter.

Jeongin tugs the hoodie on and dives into the bed, pressing himself close to the wall and patting the spot next to him.

Seungmin follows, making sure to leave space between them as he lies down.

“Night, Min.”

“Night, Ayen.”

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

Jeongin’s nice. Really nice. Too nice. He has no reason to put so much effort into his friendship with Seungmin, and yet he does, and Seungmin doesn’t understand why. Wouldn’t his time and energy be better spent with someone else?

He’s bound to get tired of Seungmin eventually, even if he does talk with him. It won’t be enough, he won’t be enough. Jeongin’s a cool guy. He could probably be friends with anyone, and yet he’s wasting his time hanging out with Seungmin.

It’s difficult because Seungmin loves hanging out with him, but the little voice in the back of his head keeps trying to warn him of some impending doom; that Jeongin will get sick of him and toss him aside, and Seungmin wouldn’t be able to blame him.

The worst of it, arguably, is that he likes Jeongin, which is a whole new can of worms. He shouldn’t. It’s stupid to develop feelings for the first person who treats him decently. It’s stupid, and it’s bound to get him hurt.

Seungmin feels he isn’t on the same level, and Jeongin deserves more than what Seungmin can give him. He can’t like Jeongin, but he doesn’t know what to do about it. He can’t avoid him. He tried that already, and Jeongin clocked it embarrassingly fast.

All he can do is sit back and deal with it, like he does with everything else.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

If someone had told freshman Seungmin that Felix would one day approach him with a bouquet of flowers, a handwritten letter, and tears in his eyes, Seungmin would’ve thought they were on crack.

Yet here he is, standing in front of Felix, who has a bouquet of flowers, a handwritten letter, and tears in his eyes. Jeongin, who’d met up with him that morning at his locker, seems just as taken aback as Seungmin is, looking extremely weirded out by the sight in front of them.

Seungmin nudges Jeongin with his elbow, urging him to say something.

Jeongin makes an aborted yelping sound, glaring at Seungmin before straightening up.

“What’s uh- What’s up, Felix?” He asks, scratching the back of his neck.

Felix sniffs–it sounds wet–and shoves the bouquet towards Seungmin, who very hesitantly accepts it. He also hands him the letter, and Seungmin can see tear stains on the envelope. This whole thing is kinda…

“Listen,” Felix starts, and his voice sounds hoarse, like he’s been crying for hours. “I just want to apologize. I’ve been a massive jerk to you for no reason, for so long. I feel awful about it. You didn’t deserve that at all. I’m so sorry I made assumptions about you instead of just talking to you about it.”

His voice is getting tighter with each word he speaks, and he inhales deeply to collect himself.

“I don’t know why I thought you were ignoring me, and I guess I just got mad because I want everyone to like me. When it seemed like you didn’t, it made me feel insecure. I took that out on you when I shouldn’t have.”

Seungmin doesn’t know what to think, but he also understands to a certain extent. And yeah, they can’t go back in time and undo all the damage done, but at least Felix is owning up to it now. There’s no use holding a grudge, so Seungmin hands Jeongin his gifts and opens his arms.

“Wait, seriously?” Jeongin whispers, but Seungmin doesn’t get a chance to respond before he’s got an armful of sobbing class president.

And, holy fuck, this guy is strong. He squeezes Seungmin so tight he swears he can feel a couple of ribs splintering.

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but thank you. You’re a better person than I am.” Felix blubbers, definitely getting snot all over Seungmin’s shoulder. Gross, but what can he do?

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

Felix isn’t the only one with a guilty conscience, either. During lunch, Hyunjin and Jisung make their walk of shame over to where Seungmin and Jeongin are sitting. Jeongin seems to already know what’s coming, so he moves to sit next to Seungmin and lets the two take his place across the table.

“Uh- hey, Seungmin.” Hyunjin greets, barely able to meet his eyes. Jisung just offers a small wave as he sits next to Hyunjin.

Seungmin braces himself, silently hoping they don’t turn on the waterworks like their friend did earlier.

“We’re sorry, man. For like, everything.” Jisung breathes out, nervously pinching at the skin on his arm. “I don’t want to make excuses. I was just going along with whatever Felix did, and that was wrong of me.”

“Yeah, me too. I should’ve formed my own opinion of you by actually trying to get to know you instead of just following everything Felix did.” Hyunjin adds, still avoiding eye contact.

Everything about this is painful. Painful and awkward. Seungmin can’t wait for it to be over. He elbows Jeongin once again, this time with a nod to tell him he forgives them or whatever.

“Would you quit that?” He hisses, lightly elbowing him back. Seungmin snickers, then gestures for him to ‘do his thing’. Jeongin rolls his eyes. “He says he forgives you.” He deadpans, and both Hyunjin and Jisung perk up, looking hopeful.

“Really?” Hyunjin pipes, Jisung watches with wide eyes.

Seungmin confirms by tilting his head and smiling. Hyunjin springs up and rounds the table to attack him with an embrace, Jisung following shortly after. When Seungmin groans, Jeongin claps his hands.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough. Hands off. You’re gonna suffocate him.”

They both sheepishly back off, then thank Seungmin about thirty times before returning to their normal table.

“Hopefully I don’t have to sit through any more of those.” Seungmin signs, blowing a piece of hair out of his face.

Jeongin drapes an arm over his shoulder, shaking him. “Yeah, they’re pretty painful to watch.”

Seungmin doesn’t do it on purpose, but he leans into Jeongin’s side with a sigh.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

They don’t all magically become friends after the apologies, but Felix does start buying him apple juice every day to make up for all the ones he’s stolen over the years. Seungmin wants to tell him he didn’t have to, but Jeongin won’t allow it.

Felix, Jisung, and Hyunjin also started sitting with them at lunch, and it was tense at first, but Jeongin’s good at dealing with things like that.

“So, where are my apology flowers?” Jeongin ribs.

“What for?” Felix frowns, looking both confused and troubled.

“For having to sit through all of your guys' apologies.”

A collective groan around the table.

Seungmin goes to take a sip of his gifted apple juice, but then, like out of some cliche movie, his hand slips and it ends up all over the front of his sweatshirt instead. Jeongin inhales sharply, then rushes off to grab paper towels.

Seungmin hears Felix and Hyunjin gasp, and Jisung makes an ‘ooh’ sound, while he just stares down at the liquid seeping through his clothes. He takes a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts before he starts crying out of frustration.

When Jeongin comes back, Hyunjin takes the paper towels and starts helping clean up the mess. Seungmin tries to take them, but is waved off. He pulls the soiled garment off and hikes his shoulders up to his ears. He feels naked.

Jeongin nudges him, and when he looks over, he’s holding out his hoodie. Seungmin pushes it away, trying to reject it.

“Just take the fuckin’ hoodie, Min.” He insists.

Seungmin begrudgingly does so, and totally doesn’t subtly sniff the collar as he’s pulling it on. That’d be weird.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

The next day, when Jeongin walks into third-period Chemistry, he stops halfway down the aisle and points at Seungmin, who looks around, confused. It takes a minute for him to realize he’s still wearing the hoodie, and it takes him even longer to realize Jeongin’s wearing his hoodie, the one he’d borrowed during their sleepover.

“Was that supposed to be the Spider-Man meme?”

“Yeah, but you missed your queue. It’s okay, though, I forgive you.”

“I’m not giving this back, by the way. It’s like, the most comfortable thing I’ve ever worn.”

Seungmin snickers. “You’re not getting yours back either, then.”

He decides not to confess that he slept in it last night.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

Somehow, somewhere along the way, Seungmin gets roped into dinner with the Yangs. Not that he’s complaining or anything, he’s just very, very nervous. He shouldn’t be, realistically, but tell that to his muddled brain.

Jaehyun insisted on having him over so he could show off his game save, specifically the trading center he’d built, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. So, on a Friday after school had ended, Seungmin went home with Jeongin and Jaehyun after getting permission from Grandma Kim.

It ends up being pretty convenient since the whole thing falls on prom weekend, which neither Jeongin nor Seungmin had planned to attend. No matter how much Felix tried to convince them.

Since Jeongin lives a bit farther out, they’d decided Seungmin should just spend the night. Then they’d go back to Seungmin’s and spend the rest of the weekend there.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

Ms. Yang is a very intimidating woman. She’s got sharp eyes, keen ears, and a startling sense of humor that shocks Seungmin when he first hears it. She’s also an extremely welcoming host, and does her damned best to make Seungmin feel comfortable in her home.

Being in a friend’s home for the first time is nerve-racking in itself, but adding a family with a chaotic dynamic on top of that makes it so much worse. Or maybe not worse, perhaps overwhelming. Seungmin wouldn’t say he’s having a bad time.

“Chan, cool it, he doesn’t want to hear your Mean Girls analogies.” Jeongin snaps, pointing an accusing finger at his older brother.

“I didn’t hear him say that!” Chan retorts, then immediately realizes the fault in his words and starts sputtering. “I-I mean, I didn’t-”

Seungmin bursts into a fit of chuckles, slapping his thigh. “Good one.” He signs, although it’s a bit hard to read since he’s shaking with laughter.

Chan releases a sigh of relief and cautiously laughs along. “So uh- you do wanna hear ‘em?”

“Oh, no. Not really.”

“Rats.” He mumbles.

As an only child, watching the way Jeongin and his brothers interact is like stepping into an alternate universe, where laws and rules don’t exist and everything is free game. So far, he’s seen Chan hold Jaehyun upside-down by his ankles until Ms. Yang told him off, Jeongin give Chan the atomic elbow, and Jaehyun give both of his older brothers wicked wedgies.

They’re animals.

It’s entertaining, truthfully.

Dinner tastes great, and it’s accompanied by funny, embarrassing stories and anecdotes that have Seungmin nearly choking on his food. Ms. Yang, surprisingly, is the biggest instigator out of all of them, which is the last thing he’d expected.

When it’s time to turn in, she makes Chan pull the air mattress out of storage and pump it up. Seungmin is more than grateful. He was willing to sleep on the floor.

“Oh, honey, the air mattress isn’t for you.” She informs him, a devious smirk on her face.

“Oh, alright, that’s okay with me.” He responds, assuming he’ll still be expected to sleep on the floor or something.

“It’s for Jeongin, you’ll be sleeping in the bed.” She grins, “We don’t let our guests sleep on that dusty old thing.”

Seungmin would argue, but after knowing Ms. Yang for a whole 4 hours, he knows better.

Chan sleeps on the couch because his bedroom’s packed full of awards, trophies, and other celebratory stuff like that. It’s to the point where there’s no room to sleep. Chan just keeps getting cooler and cooler the more Seungmin learns about him.

Jeongin’s lucky to have him for an older brother.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

After dinner, Jaehyun drags Seungmin to the bedroom and plants him on the floor, declaring it’s time to show off his world on the Xbox. Seungmin doesn’t protest, excited to see it himself.

Jeongin’s downstairs doing the dishes with Chan after they lost to Jaehyun in Rock Paper Scissors, so it’s just the two of them for the time being. He watches as Jaehyun fiddles around with the console, then shuffles back on his knees with a controller in hand while the TV boots up.

“I’ve only had this world for a couple of months, so don’t expect anything great.” Jaehyun warns him.

And wow, despite the small time frame, this kid’s made progress. Not as much as Seungmin’s save, but impressive nonetheless. He tells Jaehyun as much, to which he receives a prideful grin and shimmy.

“You should come over more often.” Jaehyun signs to him.

Seungmin shoots him a smile, shrugging. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’d like to.”

“I know Jeongin would like it if you did. He’s obsessed with you. You should see his lockscreen.”

Seungmin frowns, tilting his head in question. He hears someone coming up the stairs, so he doesn’t have time to ask about it.

“I sensed someone talking about me.” Jeongin accuses. Seungmin throws his hands up and acts innocent, but Jaehyun has no shame.

“I was telling him about your creepy, obsessive tendencies.”

“What are you talking about?” Jeongin demands, placing his hands on his hips.

Jaehyun stands, and Jeongin watches him carefully. It’s like watching two house cats circle each other before a fight.

Seungmin shuffles away to avoid being in the crossfire if one of them decides to pounce. Jaehyun quickly sticks his hand into Jeongin’s hoodie pocket and nabs his phone, too quick for his older brother to react.

“Hey! What-”

The little thief tosses it at Seungmin, and it hits him in the chest because he can’t catch for shit. Jeongin moves to retrieve it, swearing at Jaehyun. When Seungmin picks it up out of his lap, the screen wakes and-

Oh.

The wallpaper is the selfie they took outside the ice cream shop. Jeongin manages to get past his brother and snatches the phone from Seungmin’s hands, looking flustered. His ears are bright red, and his cheeks match. Seungmin can tell he’s embarrassed.

“Sorry about that. I can change it if it’s weird.” He mutters, giving his brother an evil eye that could kill.

Seungmin doesn’t respond, but he does pull his phone out and hands it to him. Jeongin hesitantly takes it, flipping it to look at the screen.

“Oh.”

Seungmin has the same photo set as his lockscreen.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

When it comes time for bed, the boys spend a while giggling in the dark. They talk for a while before Jeongin finally knocks out. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for Seungmin, who has a hard time falling asleep in unfamiliar places. No matter how much he tosses and turns, sleep refuses to take him. Seungmin sits up, frustrated.

He can see the faint outline of Jeongin’s face on the air mattress below him, and he can see his chest slowly rising and falling. The moonlight isn’t strong tonight, but it’s enough to illuminate his soft features just a tad.

Seungmin feels the bubbles in his chest again, and the warmth spreading from his collarbones all the way up to his ears. And that’s just from looking at him.

He shakes his head. His throat feels scratchy. With as much grace as he can manage, Seungmin carefully climbs out of the bed, having to maneuver over the bed frame since the air mattress takes up 90% of the floor.

Narrowly avoiding an accident, Seungmin quietly ventures downstairs, tiptoeing like he’s Tom from Tom and Jerry. He even holds his breath when he walks past Chan’s sleeping form slumped on the sofa.

There’s a pack of water bottles on the kitchen floor, so he crouches next to it and starts slowly picking at the plastic so he can free one for himself. With his tongue between his teeth, Seungmin focuses hard on staying silent.

Then the overhead light flicks on, and he nearly pisses himself. He catches his scream before it makes it past his throat, but does end up falling on his butt, letting out an ‘oof’. He does his best not to be offended by whoever’s laughing behind him.

“Thirsty?”

It’s Chan.

Seungmin spins, still on his butt, and pouts up at him. Chan raises his eyebrows, then leans over to yank a water bottle out of the plastic and hands it to him. Seungmin begrudgingly accepts it.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks.

“New place. First sleepover.” Seungmin explains.

“This is your first sleepover? Seriously?”

Seungmin narrows his eyes, nodding slowly.

“I uh- didn’t mean that in any type of way. Just surprised me, y’know?” Chan says awkwardly. “We’re uh- we’re enjoying your company. I can tell Jeongin likes you a lot. He rarely ever brings people over.”

Maybe hearing that feeds Seungmin’s pride just a bit, knowing that he’s somewhat special if what Chan’s saying is true.

“I can tell you like him too, y’know.” He adds, and Seungmin almost chokes on his spit.

“What do you mean?”

Chan gives him a blank look, not taking the bait. “I’m not stupid, mate.”

Seungmin, blushing furiously at being read like a book, concedes.

“Treat him well, yeah?”

“I’ll try to.”

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

True to plan, Jeongin and Seungmin go back to Grandma Kim’s the next day with plans to sleep there. Grandma Kim force-feeds them dinner before allowing them to hole up in Seungmin’s room, but neither of them are stupid enough to complain about the tasty, home-cooked meal.

They play video games and watch shows on Seungmin’s phone, huddled together on the bed, lying on their stomachs with the device propped against the headboard.

He’s sure the plot is super interesting, but he can’t seem to focus on it at all. Not when Chan’s words are swimming in his head, taunting him. Instead of watching the show, he’s peeking at Jeongin’s side profile out of the corner of his eye.

He’s got a bit of hair tied up on the top of his head, which makes him look like an apple. His skin is tan and smooth, and he’s got a thumb between his teeth, lips parted around it. They look soft, all of him looks soft. He looks pretty, even in the dark.

Seungmin itches to tell him that, itches to tell him just how pretty he thinks he is. He kind of wants to kiss him, too.

If Kim Seungmin had the words, he’d tell Jeongin he’s beautiful, and that he’d like to hold his hand.

But he doesn’t, so he rolls onto his back and pulls his phone out, about to pull the cheesiest move ever.

“You done watching?” Jeongin asks. Seungmin’s stomach flips at the sound of his voice so close to his ear.

“Wanna listen to music.” He mumbles, waiting for Jeongin to pause the episode so he can queue the song. Jeongin hums and does so, then rolls over so he’s also lying on his back.

They’re in a full-sized bed, so there’s enough room for them to lie comfortably with space between them. Despite this, their shoulders are squished together, neither of them bothering to scoot away.

Seungmin closes his eyes as the first note plays. He sets his phone on the pillow above his head.

“Isn’t this the one you told me to listen to?” Jeongin whispers. Seungmin doesn’t respond.

살다 보면 맘대로 되는 날이 [In life, there aren’t many days]

그리 많지는 않았죠 [When things go your way]

사실 안 그런 날이 많았죠 [There are more days when it didn’t go my way]

오늘도 그런 날이 되어버릴까 [Will today be another one of those days?]

고민이 많이 되기는 하네요 [I am pretty worried]

God, does Seungmin feel like a loser, confessing through a love song, but he knows he won’t be able to tell him any other way.

이 말을 하고 나면 그대와 난 다시 [After I tell you these words]

지금처럼 웃는 얼굴로 [I’m not sure if we can go back]

다시 돌아갈 수 있을지 모르겠지만 [To smiling like we are now]

그래도 해야겠어요 [But I have to]

난 그대를 [I]

Seungmin’s fists are clenched tight at his sides, eyes squeezed shut, like he’s anticipating a freak out. He almost regrets starting the song, but it’s a little too late to go back now.

좋아합니다 [Like you]

참으려 해봤지만 [I tried holding it back]

더는 안되겠어요 [But I can’t anymore]

이제야 말할 수 있겠어요 [Now I can tell you]

사랑하고 싶어요 [I want to love]

그댈 [You]

His heart is beating painfully against his ribs, and he can feel his pulse in his throat. He feels stupid and embarrassed. Jeongin’s lying in bed next to him, and Seungmin’s trying to send him coded messages through a DAY6 song instead of just talking to him like a normal human being.

흔들리고 있는 그대의 눈빛 [Your eyes are shaking]

내 맘을 흔들어 놓고 있네요 [It’s shaking up my heart]

Overwhelmed by the situation he put himself in, Seungmin starts to spiral a bit. Hot tears sting his eyes. He has to bite his lip hard to keep himself from crying. He stays stiff as a board, worried the slightest move might set one of them off.

지금이 지나가면 그대와 난 다시 [After this moment]

자연스러웠던 우리로 [I’m not sure if we can go back]

다시 돌아갈 수 있을지 모르겠지만 [To being natural]

그래도 해야겠어요 [But I have to]

난 그대를 [I]

He feels something brush against his knuckles between them and jolts, but whatever it is doesn’t retreat. Instead, he feels warmth enveloping his hand. Jeongin’s trying to hold it. He relaxes, letting Jeongin uncurl his fingers so he can interlace them with his own.

That’s good, right? So why does Seungmin still feel like crying? Jeongin turns onto his side, keeping their fingers interlocked.

좋아합니다 [Like you]

참으려 해봤지만 [I tried holding it back]

더는 안되겠어요 [But I can’t anymore]

이제야 말할 수 있겠어요 [Now I can tell you]

사랑하고 싶어요 [I want to love]

“Min, can you look at me?” Jeongin requests. His voice is so quiet that Seungmin almost doesn’t hear him. He does, though, so he carefully moves to face him, but keeps his eyes shut.

Jeongin huffs out a soft chuckle, bringing his free hand up to rest it on Seungmin’s cheek, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone.

“Look at me, please.” He pushes.

난 그댈 이렇게 생각해왔지만 [I’ve thought of you like this]

만약 그대는 아니라면 [But if you don’t feel the same]

Seungmin feels tears rolling down his face, dampening the collar of his hoodie, but he obliges anyway. His breath gets caught in his throat when their gazes meet. Jeongin is wearing a sad smile, but his eyes are sparkling.

Jeongin shifts closer, pressing their foreheads together. He wipes the tears from under Seungmin’s eye. Seungmin shivers.

“This was a really cheesy way of telling me, Min.” He coos. Seungmin huffs petulantly and tries to pull away, but Jeongin moves his hand down to grab him by the hip, keeping him in place.

그저 ‘미안해’란 한마디만 [You just need to tell me]

해주면 돼요 [“I’m sorry” and]

I’ll be fine [I’ll be fine]

“Don’t make fun of me.” Seungmin sniffles, pushing half-heartedly at his shoulder.

Jeongin just shakes his head, bringing his palm back up to cradle his face. “I’m not. I promise. I didn’t say being cheesy is a bad thing.”

Seungmin wants to retort, but Jeongin doesn’t let him. He uses the hand on Seungmin’s face to pull him closer, close enough that he can feel Jeongin’s breath mingling with his own. His eyelids flutter closed.

It’s almost like the world stops spinning when he feels the press of Jeongin’s lips against his own. It’s warm, and it’s just as soft as he’d imagined. He feels his entire body relax against him, sighing. Jeongin holds him so close, so gently, like he’s a precious piece of glassware.

Goosebumps race up and down his back, and there’s a fire burning in his chest. He uses his free hand to clutch the front of Jeongin’s hoodie, desperate for something to ground himself with as Jeongin begins to guide him into some sort of slow rhythm.

He feels like his brain is melting into a puddle, threatening to leak out of his ears. The pads of Jeongin’s fingers leave a burning sensation in their wake as they graze over the skin of his cheek, then his jaw, then his neck.

Seungmin never wants it to end. He wants to stay like this, in Jeongin’s arms, kissing him, forever.

좋아합니다 [Like you]

참으려 해봤지만 [I tried holding it back]

더는 안되겠어요 [But I can’t anymore]

이제야 말할 수 있겠어요 [Now I can tell you]

사랑하고 싶어요 [I want to love]

그댈 [You]

The song ends. Jeongin pulls away, taking the warmth with him. Seungmin almost whines at the loss before he catches himself. Neither of them speak for a bit, content with just enjoying the silence while they catch their breath.

With their heads still leaning against one another, Jeongin laughs quietly. Seungmin joins him, moving closer when Jeongin wraps an arm around his waist.

“That was nice.” Seungmin breathes, burrowing his nose into the fabric of Jeongin’s hoodie.

“Yeah. I’d say so.”

“So… you like me too?”

Jeongin pulls back to look at him, offended. “Are you seriously asking me that after I kissed you? To a love song?”

“Oh, right.”

Jeongin drags him back in to capture his lips once more.

[ Volume: ■■■■■■■■ ]

The sun is hiding behind the clouds, the brisk fall air nips at the exposed skin on his neck as he walks down the path, leaves crunching under his feet. Despite his destination, Seungmin feels untroubled.

“Are you sure you want me to meet her?” Jeongin asks, voice tinged with uncertainty.

Seungmin can’t help but smile, somewhat touched that he’s worried, as weird as that sounds. “What? Are you nervous, Ayen?”

“Well, yeah. I guess.” He grumbles. “I’ve never met a boyfriend’s parent.” He doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that they’re walking through a graveyard. He’s just nervous about the prospect of Seungmin showing him such a vulnerable part of himself.

“I do want you to meet her, and I know she would’ve wanted to meet you.” Seungmin reassures him gently but firmly. “So shut up and walk.”

Jeongin huffs, rolling his eyes while failing to hide the grin creeping onto his lips. Hands intertwined, Seungmin drags him along, putting on a brave face even though he’s feeling jittery himself.

He stops them in front of her headstone and kneels. Jeongin doesn’t hesitate before doing the same. Seungmin can tell he feels out of place, his back pin straight and head bowed. He finds the sight a little endearing.

Seungmin thinks she would love him. She’d tease him for being timid and tell him he doesn’t have to be so shy around her. She’d complement his eyes and praise his sharp features. She’d talk about what a handsome young man he is, tell him that he should be a model. She’d ask him if Seungmin’s treating him nicely, and assure him he can be honest about it because she knows her son can be a handful. Seungmin likes to imagine they’d get along just fine.

She’d be so proud of him if she could see him now. Being here, bringing Jeongin here, it feels bittersweet. He just hates that she’s not here to see the way Jeongin makes him smile.

Jeongin places a bouquet of blue orchids on the grave in front of the headstone. Seungmin can see his hand shaking and pats his thigh in reassurance. He looks at Seungmin with wet eyes, and Seungmin’s heart melts in his chest.

“Why’re you crying?” He asks with a small laugh, but then he realizes he’s crying as well. He wipes his eyes with the sleeves of Jeongin’s hoodie, and Jeongin scoots closer to wrap an arm around his shoulders.

“I’m a crybaby, Min.” Jeongin simpers, and Seungmin can’t help but laugh.

He clears his throat, glancing up at the clouds, then at Jeongin.

Kim Seungmin usually doesn’t have the words, but for once, he's found them.

“I love you.”

Yang Jeongin returns them.

“I love you too.”