Chapter Text
As the sun descended towards the horizon, the four Smiling Friends employees were ending their shift. Pim locked the entrance behind him and stuck his keys in his pocket.
“What a productive day. Great work, everyone!” Pim put his hands on his hips and smiled with pride.
Charlie chimed in. “I still can’t believe that guy gets off on switching around the newborn babies in the hospital and watching the parents freak out. I don’t think we should’ve helped him with that at all. I think we probably should’ve called the cops.”
“Aww, but did you see how happy he was? Didn’t the look on his face make it all worthwhile?”
Pim beamed.
“No.” Charlie said, flatly, as he stuck his hands in the pockets of his pants.
“Oh, Charlie! There’s a new restaurant in town I thought you’d be interested in. It’s called Jellobsteroni’s. Their whole gimmick is that they serve lobster and macaroni encased in jello. I figured we could see what all the hype is about and then hang out a bit afterwards?”
“Ah, jeez, y’know I normally would, Pim, like I’d be all over that place in a heartbeat, but I’ve got a date tonight with this new chick I’ve been seeing.”
“Oh, which one? Amanda? Tracy? Pearl?”
“Yeah, one of those.” Charlie looked away in disinterest.
“Well, I hope you have a beautifully romantic experience!” Pim ran into Charlie and gave him a hug.
“Yuh-huh. I better get going, see you guys tomorrow.” Charlie walked off down the street, leaving just Pim, Allan, and Glep behind.
“What about you, Allan?” Pim asked with a smile.
“What about me?”
“Oh, uh, I mean would you wanna hang out for a bit? It could be fun.”
“I can’t. Tonight’s the night I was planning to rip open my pillows and count all the feathers.” Allan explained, then walked off in the opposite direction as Charlie.
“Well, that does sound important. Hmm.”
Pim glances at Glep, who had been entranced by his tablet, unaware of anything going on around him.
“Hey, Glep?” Pim gently pushed Glep’s tablet downwards so he could get his attention.
Glep did not like that at all. “Bababoo beeshiagah!” He angrily waved his arm and tapped his tablet as he babbled.
“Sorry! Sorry.. I just wanted to ask if you’d like to hang out with me? We could stop at that new lobster jello restaurant and see where the night takes us from there. My treat, of course!”
Glep raised a brow. “Zshwee shawah zee?”
“What? Nooo! I mean… You were the last one I asked but that doesn’t mean anything. I still value our friendship.”
“Bahsashoop weepada zazwezes?”
“Of course we’re friends! …Aren’t we?”
“Habaza wobbu hobbju.”
“I didn’t know you felt that way, Glep.” Pim frowned, then thought to himself for a moment and his smile returned. “I know! You just have to let me take you out tonight so I can prove to you just how much I care! Oh please, Glep! What do you say?”
Glep sighed. “Shawah.”
“Yippeeeee!!!” Pim exclaimed as he picked up Glep and pulled him into a hug.
“BASHIHSUBABADA!” Glep gave Pim a swift kick in the gut. He did not appreciate being touched.
“Oogh.. That smarts.” Pim gently put Glep down and held his stomach in pain. “Sorry. It won’t happen again.”
Glep crossed his arms. “Bewoo bop.”
Pim and Glep walked side by side to Jellobsteroni’s. Glep kept his eyes on his tablet, even as they crossed the street. Pim had to pull him back a few times because he kept strolling into busy traffic. Eventually they reached the restaurant. The two of them entered and looked around. The atmosphere was very trendy. Most of the customers were young and had their phones out, taking photos of their food and posting them on social media.
Pim walked up to the front counter. “Um, excuse me. Table for two, please?”
The employee behind the counter glared at Pim and Glep for a moment. “Do you need any high-chairs? Booster seats?”
“Yes, actually, some booster seats would be greatly appreciated.” Pim replied.
“And will you be ordering off our kid’s menu tonight?”
Pim glanced at Glep, who was visibly agitated by the employee’s demeanor. “No, just the uh.. Regular menu, please.”
The employee lead them to a booth with two booster seats prepared for them. The two critters climbed up onto the seats, which got a laugh from the employee. Glep was starting to get pissed off with this guy.
“Can I start you off with any drinks?”
“Just coffee for me, thanks.” Pim requested.
“Jaba moopiziwi.” Glep ordered a chocolate milk.
“Comin’ riiiiight up, kiddos.” The employee smirked, then walked towards the kitchen, snickering along the way.
“Babshihwa ba joosheubz!” Glep hissed.
“I don’t think it’s personal. We are fairly small, Glep. It happens.”
“Zshwee wa shadoogawi!”
“That’s not very nice…”
The employee returned with a coffee for Pim and a glass of chocolate milk for Glep. He gave Glep a very smug smile. “I love your cute little hat, buddy. Are you a little wizard? That’s adorable, haha. Ooooh, don’t cast a spell on me!” The employee could hardly contain his laughter. “You look so fucking stupid, man.”
Glep was not going to sit back and take this. He grabbed Pim’s coffee mug and splashed it into the employee’s face. It seared and sizzled on his skin. The employee screamed in agonizing pain as he stumbled backwards into a waitress who was lighting candles on a birthday cake. The force of being shoved caused her to drop her lighter, and before long a small fire had started, which quickly grew as it engulfed the restaurant in flames.
“O-Oh my goodness! Glep! Come on, we have to get out of here!” Pim waited for Glep to stand up, then ran to the entrance. Glep followed closely behind with his chocolate milk in hand.
Once outside, the two critters stared at the roaring blaze of fire that grew larger by the second.
“That’s… Really bad, Glep. This is really bad.” Pim was frozen in shock at what they’d done.
“Bawee shahsuva jsdjhdhh.”
“But.. we can’t just run away! This was at least slightly our fault.”
“Shweh dagooba weh.”
“…Okay. You make a convincing argument.”
“Shawa wee zeb.” Glep grabbed Pim’s hand and pulled him along as he walked. He seemed to know a better place than that lame restaurant. Whether or not Pim could handle it was up to debate, but it’d be fun to see him try.
Glep lead Pim into a run down, sketchy part of town. “Glep? Where are we? I’ve never been to this side of town, did you take a wrong turn?”
“Zababa doo weesaweh.” Glep waved his hand dismissively at Pim. He knew where he was going, he didn’t need a square like Pim to tell him what to do.
The two coworkers arrived at a dirty old brick building that looked to be in shambles. Glep guided Pim inside. The interior was a chaotic scene with a bar in the center. In front of it were cheap, tattered stools that had seen better days. Some tough looking men were fist fighting and arm wrestling, while others cheered them on. It was such an obnoxiously loud cacophony of noise that Pim couldn’t hear himself speak.
“Glep?!” He shouted. “What is this place?”
The entire room went silent. One of the tough men spoke up in a shaky voice which exuded fear. “Did you just say… Glep?”
Glep stepped out from behind Pim and made his presence known. “Zyeba wesessee gabald wehshsb.”
The man shrieked, and everyone in the room froze. Another man came over and bowed to Glep. “Oh great and powerful Mr. Glep, sir. Please, have mercy.”
Glep snapped his fingers. “Sheshewah weeba dee.”
“Yes sir, right away, sir!” The man picked up Glep and carried him over to a bar stool, then carefully placed him upon it.
Pim was very confused, but walked over to the bar and sat next to Glep, anyway. “Glep, how do you know these people? Why are they scared of you?”
“Zsweeh shagahzhs zabssg weh.” Glep said in the chillest voice he could muster. He smacked his hand on the counter and signaled to the bartender that he wanted a drink. He put up two fingers and gestured to Pim.
The bartender wasted no time preparing the drinks, lest he incur the wrath of Glep. He poured two glasses of whiskey and placed them in front of Glep and Pim. “On the house, of course, sir. Please don’t hurt me…”
Glep shooed the bartender away and took a big gulp from his glass.
“Glep, what’s going on? Why are these people so afraid of you?”
A hairy, muscular man walked up behind the two critters. “Is this guy bothering you, Mr. Glep, sir?”
Glep rolled his eyes. “Eh.”
“That’s good enough for me.” The man lifted Pim by the collar of his shirt and pulled him close to his face, breathing hot, heavy breaths at him. “Nobody messes with Mr. Glep. You’re in for a world of hurt, little man!”
Pim frantically tried to reason with the man. “Wait! I-I wasn’t bothering him, I just- I-I know him! We work together and-“
“Shut the hell up and take what’s coming to ya like a MAN!” The man slammed Pim into the ground, then started kicking the shit out of him. The other men in the room joined in, punching, kicking, and stomping on Pim to their heart’s content.
Pim desperately tried to crawl away, but the men simply pulled him back. Glep was placing a bet with the bartender over how long it would take for Pim to die.
Someone suddenly kicked the front door open. The room fell silent, and the men temporarily stopped beating Pim. It was a police officer.
“Everybody scatter!” One of the men shrieked, as they all made a break for the back door, leaving only Glep and Pim.
“Well, well, well! What do we have here? Illegal gambling?!” The officer glared at Glep, who hid his money behind his back.
“You’re both coming with me.” The officer handcuffed Glep with comically large handcuffs that he could easily slip out of.
He then walked over to Pim, who laid in a puddle of his own blood and tears. Bruises and scrapes covered his body. He let out a weak moan as the officer pulled him up and slapped some cuffs on him as well.
“But I didn’t do any-“ Pim cried before being interrupted.
“Save it for the judge! Let’s go.” The officer escorted Pim and Glep to his car, guiding them into the backseat and taking off towards the station.
“Oh, fudge…” Pim whimpered.
Glep yawned as if he didn’t have a care in the world. This was just an ordinary night for him.