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Edwin was not used to physical affection. It wasn’t particularly common for parents to be affectionate in that way, and even then Edwin did not particularly enjoy it when they messed up his hair, or tried to poke him. It was just annoying.
As he grew, he and his family grew even less physically affectionate as he was nearly a man. When he was sent to boarding school he found that he did not want to play any sports that had physical contact (or any support really) and found himself only being brushed with the occasional shoulder or hand by Simon, as he was attempting to steal his shit.
And, of course, going to hell didn’t necessarily improve his connection with physical contact. It felt odd, as he climbed his way out of hell, pushing through the many bodies, how foreign their skin felt on his, heavy and rough against him. It was not particularly pleasant.
The next time Edwin was touched was after Charles. It was quite soon after his death actually, Charles came looking to him for comfort. Charles reached around him and clung to him tightly, burying Edwin in his embrace. Edwin wanted so terribly to comfort Charles, but he was so heavy, like a statue had fallen on him and was simultaneously freezing him and burning him alive. Charles saw his first reaction, and didn’t do it again, resorting to just standing as near as possible or, later, a simple hand on his shoulder.
But Edwin could see that Charles wanted more connection, he just didn’t know how to give him that. He would try to convince Charles that it was fine, if he wasn’t absolutely certain the bastard would never take him up on the offer and then Charles would just be concerned about his lack of care for his own needs. Edwin could recognize that Charles couldn’t be one to talk, but he didn’t have the right words to communicate it properly and he was too busy reading up on paranormal afflictions to try to pick up a book on whatever was plaguing them.
They kept solving paranormal mysteries together for 30 years without incident. They were the only two who really stuck around and they had each other so they didn’t even need anyone else. That’s what Edwin thought at least.
When Crystal showed up he was not ready for her. She was loud and abrasive and a bit of a know-it-all and of course Edwin knows that all of that could easily describe him too, but Crystal wasn’t supposed to be here. She was new and didn’t fit, however Charles insisted.
Edwin watched as Charles talked with Crystal as they traveled the long way to Port Townsend. They kept bumping shoulders, with arms slung around each other. Edwin hated it. They were acting stupidly like the lovebirds at his boarding school dialed up to 11. They were acting so stupid. And he’s not jealous because he doesn’t like to be touched, it's overwhelming and big and clearly the physical contact isn’t the main thing here because they will probably end up snogging and taking away from the case that we were dragged all of the way out here to solve.
And he couldn’t be jealous because he could never do what Crystal is doing for Charless, two boys like that is unheard of. But Crystal could do the things that he does for Charles. Edwin had to make her leave. As soon as possible. He couldn’t afford to lose Charles. If he lost Charles there would be no point to remaining on this plane, but he couldn’t go back to hell. He couldn’t. Crystal had to leave.
They would solve the case, return to London, find Crystal’s family and leave her with them. The plan had a lot of steps, and more steps can lead to more complications. But surely it would be fine. And it was for a while. They solved the case and were so close to returning before Edwin’s choices came back to bite him in the ass.
When The Cat King whisked him away Edwin found that he could feel heat again for the first time. The king never touched him, but he could feel the heat surrounding him, locking him in place with its weight, unable to move into his heavy embrace or leave. He wondered what someone who was this warm would really feel like to him. But he couldn’t possibly move. And so he left, avoiding Charles and Crystal’s questions very aptly if he said so himself.
And then Niko came. She was more touchy than anyone else Edwin had ever encountered, it was incredibly odd. She didn’t seem to notice his aversion to touch, or maybe she just didn’t care. But as time with her continued Edwin found that he didn’t really care either. Niko felt nice. She was soft and cool. Touch always felt heavy but after time it felt almost nice.
And of course, there was more than physical contact from Niko. She also was simply easy to be around. Niko always was forthcoming and simply made sense as a person. She wore her heart on her sleeve. And as much as Edwin loved Charles, it was nice to have someone he could simply talk with without having to worry about underlying meaning. Though he couldn’t be too critical of Charles of course, he knew that he could be difficult to understand at times as well. In his own defense feelings always seemed to be so big that he couldn’t process them, they just engulfed them. And you can’t show what you don’t understand no matter how hard he tried.
As they watched Scooby-Doo Niko started leaning into him, with her heavy but almost subtle touch. It was comfortable, sitting here with Niko on her bed, watching a show about a group of detectives that was not unlike his own life. He found himself leaning back into the touch. They stayed there for a while, head on head on shoulder, watching the mystery gang create ingenious traps and find mysterious clues.
Edwin found himself in Niko’s room more and more often. After the encounter with Monty, Niko had decided that they had to watch her favorite anime, “Yuri!!! On Ice”. It was certainly something. Edwin had never seen anything quite like it before. It was, . . . nice to see. Edwin was aware enough to realize that he was having some . . . feelings about it. But he was exhausted after these cases, and it was much easier to acknowledge the feelings before leaving them for when he had a bit more time to deal with them. Besides, it was nice here sitting (or even cuddling) with Niko and as important as emotions are, he really just wanted to finish the show.
Unfortunately for Edwin, it appears that for him, at the very least, tended to face his emotions after traumatic events while climbing up the stairway to hell with his best mate. But it went relatively well, considering all things. Logically Edwin knew that Charles would never leave him, but it's always nice to have confirmation.
Edwin found himself seeking out Niko after hell. They sat together on the roof. Niko was a great listener. And sometimes it seemed like she knew his emotions better than he did. But he supposed Niko had somewhat more experience because even if its through fiction that still some sort of human relationships.
They sat on the rooftop together for a while, staring down at the city. Edwin was desperate to get back to the office. But this was more important right now. He had to show Niko that he would come visit her, because of course he would. It would be easy now that he could use mirror travel again and Edwin couldn’t think of anything more important or worth the time than visiting his friend right then.
But then they got stuck. Again. The pain was so thick it was hard for Edwin to think. He could see Crystal in front of him and Niko to the side. He tried to get her to grab the keys, but he couldn’t even see whether she had been able to grab them or not. He could see that something was happening that was bad, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even hear his own screams anymore, even though he would feel how raw his throat was later.
But he could hear Crystal’s screams. And he watched as Niko fell to the ground, empty of life. And despite Edwin’s unfortunate familiarity with death, it did not make it any easier to watch his friend lose her life. Edwin screamed, louder than he thought he could after all the torture he had gone through because this was infinitely more painful.
When he was released he found the strength to make his way to Niko’s side. He grabbed her body, sobbing right next to Crystal as Charles attempted to pull them away. She felt cooler and empty and wrong in all the ways she shouldn't be.
Edwin left with Charles, but the feeling of Niko, lying empty on the floor and her eyes glassy staring up at the ceiling would haunt him longer than any ghost.