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During the short years when Mai tried to give Zuko a chance, there were those hopeful moments where she thought she could genuinely love him. She could love him the way she loved Azula — not as much, never as much (she didn’t quite know where all that love lived in that heart of stone of hers).
She thought she could love him when she watched him being soft, gentle (and it had been annoying how much it reminded her of her Azula. Not the Princess, the soldier, the Firebender. Her gentle alpha who didn’t say I love you but the sentiment was there, carved into bronze).
Zuko was soft with the turtle ducks, sat on the warm grass and allowed the tiny, fragile creatures to climb on him. Somehow softer as he grew into his manhood. Mai could fall in love with him, she knew it, if he was the only option she had. She could fall in love with him, for showing genuine, deep affection to a pup that wasn’t his.
There were versions of the story where Mai chose Zuko, where her heart had belonged to him from day one. For him, she’d commit treason right at the face of the Crown Princess, risk her life and her family. Everything was secondary for him — her life, her morals, all her bonds.
But this was not that version.
Mai loved Zuko, he was her could’ve, her almost, and maybe her should’ve. Not her person, but close enough that she would have been happy enough. Content enough, safe enough.
Nowadays, Mai still liked to watch him. He looked great, playing with the turtleducks, and playing with Izumi, still spending time with Ilah. Somehow it wasn’t awkward, the way he loved the pup like she was his through and through (appearance-wise, the siblings were similar enough to pass down the same traits. Except for the eyes.)
However: Mai had an even better sight to enjoy.
It was not surprising, at all, to find Azula in the gardens. All the rough, sharp, very alpha-like, edges had always hidden the inherent softness. Searing heat to harm, soft warmth to make one feel safe and loved. Azula was soft when she was allowed to. And now, she was always allowed to be soft.
Ozai had wanted a weapon, Azula wanted a parent, he got the better deal. He still lost.
It was a heartwarming sight, truly. Azula, who grew to be a strong, handsome alpha, the perfect specimen if you ask a standard Fire National. She healed enough to let her true self shine through: protective, gentle, good. Mai saw it often, and she saw how Azula now had good days more often than bad days. She could see it in the way Azula wasn’t quite afraid of allowing herself to be an affectionate mother to their daughter.
Beautiful: the way Azula played with Ilah, showed the beauty of Firebending.
Azula sat with the baby turtleducks at times, they climbed her lap not unlike they did with Zuko. Seeking a human’s soft warmth. Azula petted them, picked them up to give them delicate kisses on their little heads, and allowed them to nip her fingers and her toes (sometimes giggling like she wasn’t allowed to as a pup herself). She always fed them tiny, neat cubes of bread and fruit.
Fate, destiny, Mai never had a chance of not loving Azula.
When their friends came around, the children flocked Azula the same way baby turtleducks did. Ilah was always a little jealous, but Azula made sure her pup never felt left out in favour of the other kids — it’s not hard to give them equal attention, to let my child know I love her no matter what. (Mai pretended to not taste the bitterness in the air.)
Ilah was now too large to fit on Azula’s lap when she had Bumi, Kyan and Lin. She then glued herself to Azula’s back. (Mai had been happy that the early years of separation didn’t damage their bond. It seemed to make it stronger, unbreakable — undeniably genuine, unlike Azula’s bond with her own parents.) Izumi too, more often than not, was glued to Azula’s side. My favourite! Zuko joked it wasn’t Azula was all of the children’s absolute favourite Firebender.
Today, as a rare occasion, Toph had brought Suyin for the “Time With ‘Zula” party at the garden. It meant Azula was under a pile of cubs.
And she was glowing.
Azula was giving off happy pheromones like there was no tomorrow. The cubs responded to it by doing the same. The whole garden smelled like happy alpha and her cubs. No matter if only one of them was biologically hers, all the others had developed a genuine familial bond with her — and it did more healing than any of them would ever be aware.
Oh, how Mai loved it.
Mai loved that Azula got to be happy, even more with pups that weren’t hers because family wasn’t just blood at the end of the day. Azula got to be happy after everything she survived, it was what she needed. What she deserved.
Mai, of course, didn’t dare intruding the scene. Azula was telling them a story, making her voice soft and nice. It was probably a play, the alpha would never admit she loved them even if everyone and their mothers knew she knew a dozen by heart. It came from their grandmother, Azula was more attached to it all than Zuko — Fire Lady Ilah, after all, had been the one person in that family who always saw Azula the person.
The world felt right. Not perfect, but much better than what Mai expected during the worst days.
Azula found a moment to look back at her, she smiled. Small, almost imperceptible for those who had not memorised every detail of her face. Bright bronze eyes shone with happiness one day Mai believed would be never belong in there.
Not loving Azula was never an option.